"I Can't Afford It" or "I Don't Want to Spend that Much"?

[disykat]

Salesmen are not entitled to know how much you can afford. I would tell my children "it's more than I'm willing to spend". I don't really think it matters what I tell the salesman.

I agree. We need to be careful the messages we send our children, but whatever it seems will get the message across that we're not spending that much is fine for a salesperson.

 

[buckler]

I'm not familiar with all the ins and outs of prepaying, but what happens if the funeral home goes out of business or enters bankruptcy? I googled "funeral home" and bankruptcy and came up with this article.
Funeral Home Bankruptcy Disrupts Burial Contracts
It looks like the laws of your state will determine if you lose your contract in a bankruptcy or not. You don't lose it if they set the funds in a trust, you lose it if they don't. Florida looks like it has laws to protect you. Info here:
http://www.myfloridacfo.com/funeralcemetery/

If you decided prepaying is too risky and still want to stick to a budget, try this website for info on a local group that can help you with funeral cost planning. You can get very basic services at a low cost.
http://www.funerals.org/affiliates-directory/ We used the group in our state for my father's final arrangements and my mother saved a lot of money. We did not need any other service beyond cremation because we were planning our own memorial service a few weeks later.

Here is the link to your local group.
Funeral Consumers Assoc. of Tampa Bay

And to stick to the original question...I would say it is more than I want to pay.

 

[runwad]

Granted, final arrangements are a bit of a unique situation, but generally I'm fond of saying "I'm not interested in paying that much." I ran this by DH, who is in a design field (and therefore is always trying to sell something people technically don't need!), and he confirms that her hears the same thing all the time, instead of "I can't afford that."

Like others, to me, "I can't afford that" means I don't have money for that. OTOH, "I'm not interested in paying that" sounds a little more like you are in the power position, and have options, particularly the option to go somewhere else. I know when I say "I'm not interested in paying that," if it's not followed by a price softening by the vendor, my next comment is "I think your price is OK, but I'm going to have to shop this because I think it can be better."

It's all about the negotiation dance - these days, vendors of EVERYTHING are interested in capturing and keeping your business. They are more likely to bargain with someone who comes from a position of confidence, rather than apology.

JMHO

Jane

I like this and your explanation that goes along with it. Very good.

 

[PinkRhombus]

Affording something does not ONLY mean that you have the cash for it.

You have to look at your saving/spending goals for the next five or so years, too.

I, personally, wouldn't prepay anything. I've seen too many people get hosed by a few funeral homes/cemetaries lately. Just put the money aside. You can have your wishes typed up and they STILL won't have to make any decisions.

 

[CherylA]

I say "it's not in the budget" I really try not to say "we can't afford it" especially in front of people whom I know are falling on hard times. They know we are doing okay for ourselves and it seems rude to say to someone who actually can't afford it, that we can't afford it when they know that technically we can.

 

[deerhart]

Affording something does not ONLY mean that you have the cash for it.

You have to look at your saving/spending goals for the next five or so years, too.

I, personally, wouldn't prepay anything. I've seen too many people get hosed by a few funeral homes/cemetaries lately. Just put the money aside. You can have your wishes typed up and they STILL won't have to make any decisions.

Here is the problem. If your wishes are just typed up and not prepaid, then there is no guarantee that your wishes will be done.
I deal with lots of clients that want their funeral wishes put into their wills, I do as they ask but ALWAYS counsel them that it's pretty useless because by the time the will usually gets read and probated, you've long been buried.

Things get lost, people don't always read documents prior to the funeral etc.. Heck, in my grandmother's case, no one bothered to even look for anything until several weeks after she was buried. While this can be the same case with a pre-paid, people are more likely to remember the funueral was pre-paid for then a burial wishes document left somewhere. (the documentation for most is just better).

Not preporting pre-paids or anything, but just and FYI that EITHER way you go, you have to make sure your documentation is sound and that the people getting the documentation will do as you ask. Estate fights are the WORST and just because you want it done one way doens't mean that when the time comes and your thrifty corner cutting relative is the one doing your funeral that they will follow your wishes instead of saving money here and there that will then in turn raise their inheritance.

Also, we tell our kids that we can't afford things especially during the time of the month that our bills are highest (we are top loaded). It has confused our almost 10 year old, until I explained that we can afford most things because we have money in savings, but that we choose to not touch the savings as much as possible and that when I say we can't afford it, it really means its not in our budget.

 

[bumbershoot]

Here is the advice we got from my mother's lawyer to avoid overspending on a casket: (1) don't let the funeral people take you into their "casket showroom"; (2) just order the cheapest oak casket they have, and stick to that decision. This was several years ago. When my mother passed away a couple of years ago, we wound up with a maple casket because there were no oak caskets. The price was good.

Also it's worth noting that Costco sells caskets and urns. Not sure where you'd keep a casket, but it's worth knowing!

 

[buckler]

Also it's worth noting that Costco sells caskets and urns. Not sure where you'd keep a casket, but it's worth knowing!

Google casket and coffee table. Oh my!

 

[MSSANDRA]

We say. "paying that much is not a choice we are willing to make."

 

[rockundergirl]

This reminds me of a year long fight I had with my best friend lol. One day she was at my house hanging out with me ( this was years ago) At the time money was pretty tight ( was paying my bills and everything, just not a lot extra to spend, had to be budget minded) Well it got to be dinner time and I really nothing in the house i could make enough of for two people, so i brought up ordering take out. She kinda looked down seemingly embarrassed and said " oh i can't afford it" feeling really bad, I said , that's OK I got paid today, I will get it. So i got us dinner, realizing i spent money I shouldn't ... but hey. a friend in need and all... So around 9 that night, she got a call from another one of her friends inviting us to go to a local bar, she asked me If i wanted to and I said sure. One the way to the bar, she asked me to stop at the gas station for cigarettes ( which she somehow had cash to buy) then when we got to the bar she took out her wallet and started buying herself drinks... ( hmmm weird right, couldn't afford to eat, but can buy cigs and liquor) So late in the night I asked her about it, and she said " oh well I promised myself I wouldn't' spend money on take out " I did not respond well to this, and asked her to never mislead me again! She felt she did nothing wrong, and I felt she did. The argument turned ugly and we did not talk for a year, even to this day we both think we are right, we just choose not to talk about it. lol.

 

[scrapbookingmanda]

As someone who has planned a few funerals, they try to make your feel guilty by not spending the most you can.

Decide how much you want to spend before you go and ask what you can get in that budget.

When my DFIL died, they knew because he was in the union, he had x amount of insurance coming. They kept trying to get me to spend that much, but I kept insisting I only wanted to spend what cash I had on hand. I really had much more cash, but I held my ground that I only wanted to spend cash on hand.

Good luck,

This is not neccesarily true. There are certain death payments that can only be spent on funerals. One that comes to mind is the one for people who are receiving government benefits. Any left over funds go back to the government. DH is a funeral director and he always encourages people who are paying with this benfit to use every penny of it. He hates to see anything go back to the government. Not saying that's what happened, but it could've been a death policy that didn't give you the extra back.

As far as the prepay, there are two options. You want to find out which one the place you are going to uses. One is an insurance policy owned by a seperate insurance company that can be transfered to any funeral home. If the one you pick goes out of business, or your family prefers another place, it will transfer wherever they want. Most reputable places only offer these. The preneed salesperson is actually a licensed insurance salesperson and really isn't directly paid by the funeral home they work out of. The other is the one where that specific funeral home holds your money and your prepay is only good there. This is where people get in trouble.

Hope this helps a little.

Amanda

 

[RumpleMom]

I have found out that when prepaying for a funeral the money is held by an insurance company just in case the funeral home would go out of business.

My dad decided to prepay for his funeral and had me go with him to several funeral homes. It was very hard to go with him to do this. He was comparing prices! He didn't like any of the prices, so he didn't buy. He waits 2 more years and we do the whole process again. At this point, I am ready to kill him.

But my dad drives a hard bargain. He ended up buying at the very first funeral home and saved thousands of dollars compared to the quote from two years ago. After signing the papers, he turns to me and says that's how you save money, and now you do the same thing for your kids. Gotta love 'em!

 

[apnep]

I used to say We cannot afford it, until Dd started to question stuff.

Whenever I used to tell my kids "no" if they asked for something it would be followed up with "I don't have the money for that." But then they started calling me on it and saying, "You have money!" Because they always see me using my debit card. I started to think about how they were portraying things and now, rather than tell them "we don't have any money" I tell them, that's not in our budget. I don't want them to think we don't have ANY money, but I make sure to let them know we are choosing not to spend it on their junk!

Ang

 

[MinnieForMe]

Hi:
I would just say "that's more than I want to spend" and follow it with "you can just bury me in the backyard, darling". I wonder if anyone has ever asked to have their ashes spread at Disney?

 

[DawnM]

I can't THOIL it! That is my new favorite word after reading this blog!

http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/678

Also, you are paying for your OWN funeral, so they can't make you feel guilty that you aren't spending more because you must not love that person more! HA!

The nice thing about planning this far out is that you can "shop around." Tell them you appreciate their time but you will need to get back to them after checking out other funeral home prices.

Also, as others have said, check Costco. Heck, DH came home and showed me that you can buy woodworking plans and make your own! He seriously considered just making them and keeping them in the garage and using them for Halloween and such in the meantime!

Dawn

 

[apnep]

Also it's worth noting that Costco sells caskets and urns. Not sure where you'd keep a casket, but it's worth knowing!

Bumbershoot, I was going to say the same thing! I told my husband when I die to just cremate me and stick me in the least expensive urn. He can also just stick me in a pine box, and cover it with my favorite blanket, because no one's going to see it in the ground anyway.

Ang

 

[DISdreamin']

I think the more people say they can't afford something the more real it becomes. Finances are as much a state of mind as dollars and cents. Its also about choices. What you choose to spend money on has little to do with affording anything.

I honestly don't agree with this - JMHO, of course. Our financial situation is quite comfortable (for which I am extremely grateful), and yet this is a common mantra for me. To me it doesn't mean we can't actually afford it, it means I/we don't have so much money that I'm willing to spend/waste it on something I don't deem a priority to me....thoil, as someone posted earlier!

BTW, after reading this thread, I'll choose my words MUCH more carefully with my children from now on, as I do find I say to them - all too often - "we can't afford that". It certainly doesn't mean we don't have the money for it, and I now realize it is a very poor choice of words! You learn something on the budget board every day.

When my kids ask for McDonalds or similar my response is, "I would rather spend our money on something more fun - wouldn't you?" Most of the time they say yes and forget about whatever they wanted.

I love this, and it is something I will try, along with simply saying it isn't in the budget. Thank you so much for posting this!