"I Can't Afford It" or "I Don't Want to Spend that Much"?

[LovableGluttons]

Two ways to convey the same message?

DH and are going to prepare for final arrangements this year. Not make monthly payments, just pay for it, have the paperwork set aside, even have a policy in case of death more than 100 miles from home.

It's for our peace of mind that our loved ones won't have to make those decisions when also having to deal with the death of a loved one.

I will say "I don't want to spend that much" if I don't want to pay the asking price.

DH will say "We can't afford it".

I understand our finances are our business, but I feel there are two different messages getting across.

DH's sounds like we don't have the money for it.
What if we do? Wouldn't that be dishonest if we said that when we do have the money?

I feeo like mine is honest. Affording something is not as simple as drawing the funds out of your bank account and paying for something.

I feel like DH's phrase seems dishonest. I want to be more upfront.

If I don't like the asking price on something, bank balance aside, I try to get the price lower.

DH won't do that.

So, are you of the "we can't afford it" set?


Or the other?

 

[gillenkl]

To me "I can't afford it" means you don't have the money for it. Even with money in savings it's not intended for the item you're currently talking about. For example, I want a new camper and we have the money in savings to pay for, but if there's an emergency we'll need the money for that instead so I say "I can't afford a new camper".

"I don't want to spend that much" means I don't want to pay the asking price as you said.

 

[soccerchick]

I usually straddle the lines you've mentioned and say "That's not in our budget."

We have money. We have a nice monthly income. But, we also know what we like to spend and save each month. We know what we have committed to mortgage. So, while I could technically afford something, if it upsets the monthly balance and make things too tight, we're not doing it.

Once money goes into savings, we hate to touch it.

 

[LovableGluttons]

It is so good to read other's perspective on this! Thank you so much!

 

[fakereadhed]

I think it depends on how necessary you percieve the purchase to be. No matter how practical it might seem to someone else if you see it as a luxury you might say you can't afford it. Anything I see as completely fluff in the budget I can't afford, but I might buy it if I had more money.

 

[DISdreamin']

I always go the "I don't want to spend that much" or "it's too much". We are blessed to be able to afford many things we'd ever care to own, IF we wanted to stretch our budget or, heaven forbid, go into debt for it. We don't want to do those things, so we tend to have less - not a bad thing!

BTW, I was in a kids clothing store and they were showing me some new things that had just come in. I'm a "gotta find it on sale plus have a coupon" kinda gal...so they ask if I want this cute outfit I was admiring. I told them no, it wasn't on sale. They made some comment about not being able to afford it!. I was a little peeved - there is a big difference between being able to afford something and wanting to part with the money for it!!!! They have no idea of my financial situation, and I guess I don't dress in a way that conveys money. Whatever.

 

[Kay1]

I say, "Oh, that's a bit much." That gives the other person a chance to counter-offer or not. For final arrangements, though, I probably would come right out and say that I don't want to spend a lot.

 

[crisi]

"I can't afford it" can mean "if I do everything else I want to do - I can't afford that as well." That isn't dishonest. We all have priorities.

If you wanted to sell everything you had, you could probably buy a very expensive car (or whatever it is that you'd want). But you wouldn't do that.

Frankly, it isn't anyone else's business what I am choosing not to afford and what is truly out of my reach.

 

[powellrj]

As someone who has planned a few funerals, they try to make your feel guilty by not spending the most you can.

Decide how much you want to spend before you go and ask what you can get in that budget.

When my DFIL died, they knew because he was in the union, he had x amount of insurance coming. They kept trying to get me to spend that much, but I kept insisting I only wanted to spend what cash I had on hand. I really had much more cash, but I held my ground that I only wanted to spend cash on hand.

Good luck,

 

[budbeerlady]

I used to say We cannot afford it, until Dd started to question stuff. She became worried with all the negative she hears in life that when I said we cannot afford it, that meant we were broke and she was concerned we were going to lose our home and all.

So now I have to say either I think that is too much or I do not wish to spend my money that way.... Poor kid was really getting worried...

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

"I can't afford it" can mean "if I do everything else I want to do - I can't afford that as well." That isn't dishonest. We all have priorities.

If you wanted to sell everything you had, you could probably buy a very expensive car (or whatever it is that you'd want). But you wouldn't do that.

Frankly, it isn't anyone else's business what I am choosing not to afford and what is truly out of my reach.

I agree.

I also think it it a bit overboard to say he is being dishonest.

 

[bettymae1121]

I always go the "I don't want to spend that much" or "it's too much". We are blessed to be able to afford many things we'd ever care to own, IF we wanted to stretch our budget or, heaven forbid, go into debt for it. We don't want to do those things, so we tend to have less - not a bad thing!

BTW, I was in a kids clothing store and they were showing me some new things that had just come in. I'm a "gotta find it on sale plus have a coupon" kinda gal...so they ask if I want this cute outfit I was admiring. I told them no, it wasn't on sale. They made some comment about not being able to afford it!. I was a little peeved - there is a big difference between being able to afford something and wanting to part with the money for it!!!! They have no idea of my financial situation, and I guess I don't dress in a way that conveys money. Whatever.

My parents always told my brothers and me "It's not that we can't afford it, it's that we choose not to."

Pretty much sums up by feelings on it too. Personally I don't care what a sales person thinks, and I'm not going to mince words over it. If I think something is priced too high (say, a new car for instance) I'm going to flat out say that I"m just not paying that much.

 

[punkin]

Salesmen are not entitled to know how much you can afford. I would tell my children "it's more than I'm willing to spend". I don't really think it matters what I tell the salesman.

 

[janey99]

Granted, final arrangements are a bit of a unique situation, but generally I'm fond of saying "I'm not interested in paying that much." I ran this by DH, who is in a design field (and therefore is always trying to sell something people technically don't need!), and he confirms that her hears the same thing all the time, instead of "I can't afford that."

Like others, to me, "I can't afford that" means I don't have money for that. OTOH, "I'm not interested in paying that" sounds a little more like you are in the power position, and have options, particularly the option to go somewhere else. I know when I say "I'm not interested in paying that," if it's not followed by a price softening by the vendor, my next comment is "I think your price is OK, but I'm going to have to shop this because I think it can be better."

It's all about the negotiation dance - these days, vendors of EVERYTHING are interested in capturing and keeping your business. They are more likely to bargain with someone who comes from a position of confidence, rather than apology.

JMHO

Jane

 

[blanq]

These two statements do convey very different meanings, and I think how you use them is very important. I learned that kind of the hard way. DH and I were into saying "we can't afford it", when really the reason behind our financial decisions was "we choose not to spend our money on that". We used the incorrect statement regularily in front of our DS and found out in a conversation with him that it scared him and made him feel insecure. DS was about 10 at the time, and he asked DH and me if we were poor. DH and I felt so bad. We actually make very good money, and have little debt, but we think long and hard about how we spend money. Our flippant use of "we can't afford it" was perceived literally by our DS, when that was not the actual case. We now say "we don't want to spend money on that" or "we would rather spend our money on ______". Lesson learned.

 

[Heidict]

As someone who has planned a few funerals, they try to make your feel guilty by not spending the most you can.

Decide how much you want to spend before you go and ask what you can get in that budget.

When my DFIL died, they knew because he was in the union, he had x amount of insurance coming. They kept trying to get me to spend that much, but I kept insisting I only wanted to spend what cash I had on hand. I really had much more cash, but I held my ground that I only wanted to spend cash on hand.

Good luck,

Wow, that is horrible. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that their are some that would use high pressure sales tactics to get you to spend more on a funeral, but it is just so tacky.

I am so glad that we had the opposite experience when my sister died last September. The guy was wonderful and we never felt pressured about anything.

 

[Gigi22]

Here is the advice we got from my mother's lawyer to avoid overspending on a casket: (1) don't let the funeral people take you into their "casket showroom"; (2) just order the cheapest oak casket they have, and stick to that decision. This was several years ago. When my mother passed away a couple of years ago, we wound up with a maple casket because there were no oak caskets. The price was good.

 

[branv]

I do agree that I would associate "can't afford it" more with not having enough money. And I was also one of those little kids who felt a great deal of anxiety when I heard my parents say that (although, in our case, it really did mean we had no money, but you get the point that kids are all ears )

I have learned, however, that no matter how you phrase something, when it comes to money, people hear what they want to hear. DH's dad is one of those people that if we say, "it's not in the budget," says, "Is everything okay; do you need money?" Which is very sweet, but really telling about his mindset. We've explained to him many times that we have a budget so that we HAVE money...in savings! That having a budget isn't just for people who have to stretch a dime to make it to the next payday, but rather to avoid ever having to do that. But he still hears what he wants to hear. Funny thing is that DFIL came from dirt, dirt poor, and they struggled badly all while DH was a kid. His father only started doing well after DH was out of the house. So you'd think he'd understand, but I think instead he's of the mindset that people with money spend it, people without money don't.

 

[stazmatic]

I think the more people say they can't afford something the more real it becomes. Finances are as much a state of mind as dollars and cents. Its also about choices. What you choose to spend money on has little to do with affording anything.

When my kids ask for McDonalds or similar my response is, "I would rather spend our money on something more fun - wouldn't you?" Most of the time they say yes and forget about whatever they wanted.

In your case, I can think of a lot of more fun ways to spend money than a funeral. If you have an amount you are comfortable with then speak up. Tell your dh that you want to spend xx on funeral arrangements so you have money left to leave to the kids or go on a vacation or something. Help him see that any money you don't spend will be available for something fun.

 

[crisi]

I'm not worried about my kids - who have a pretty good understanding of their parent's financial situation (and always have) and understand that "I can't afford it" means "Mom is being cheap" (as my daughter says) rather than "we are going to loose the house."