How Much Trouble Can We Get Into Alone? What If I Pay Extra?

[NancyLuvsMickey]

I'm not gonna be much help to ya...

When my ex starts acting like a sperm-donor instead of a father, I start ripping him a new one and tell him he needs to put his kids first, not himself... And then he straightens out for a week or two...

Good Luck... They're called ex's for a reason!!!

 

[tlenzendorf]

Personally I would just make all the arrangements for Baylor. Then you won't be left worrying and wondering what is going to happen.

BTW, is your ex's IQ going down or does he need to be committed? Looking at the cost of airfare the DAY BEFORE??? Is he insane?

 

[Dizneydawn]

I'm not gonna be much help to ya...

When my ex starts acting like a sperm-donor instead of a father, I start ripping him a new one and tell him he needs to put his kids first, not himself... And then he straightens out for a week or two...

Good Luck... They're called ex's for a reason!!!

Ya know what is crazy? He calls them every day. Carsyn has voice mails that she refuses to erase that he leaves full of hilarious calls from her Dad. He stops by the house to see them almost every day. Visits with them outside. If he does not know where they are at and can't reach them, calls every phone for people who lives here, until he can reach someone and then wants more answers. So he is not an absentee father per say. He just does not want to plan things for them or take time for them if it takes time and it is not part of his normal routine. Like if the kids say they want to stop over or sleep over, unless he has planned for them, it is always, "My place is a mess. I don't have any food here." Then we talked about Carsyn and college and how I did all the work for Treyner and he can step up and help with forms etc. for Carsyn. He flat out said, "Well then you can tell her she won't be going to college because if I have to do it it won't get done. So that tells me, Dawn, how much you care about Carsyn if you tell me I have to do it." What kind of screwed up thinking is that?

So I am still trying to figure out what to do with Baylor. I think Baylor likes the idea of having some independence here and just farting around. The other thing is that of course, anyone watching Baylor would be here. So I get the expense of paying for food for that person and Baylor plus gas money and entertainment.

I keep thinking when he is off of work, I can call him and talk to him about this and just get into his head that he needs to drive and be done. Of course he can always decide at the last minute to tell me one thing and decide to fly anyway and then I am in Florida and Baylor is here and what will I do then?

It keeps coming back to for me, just have him stay and then I know what is going on. For sure!

 

[Dizneydawn]

BTW, is your ex's IQ going down or does he need to be committed? Looking at the cost of airfare the DAY BEFORE??? Is he insane?

2 weeks ago, he looked at airfare for the next day and it was $40 cheaper per ticket than what he is finding it for now. So hence his master plan. Carsyn and I got in a huge fight about this around the same time because I was mad at him on the phone and she said, "You escalate the situation because you raise your voice. I told her I was sorry but not making plans till the night before was crazy. She thought I was lying because he had told her they were going for sure. Never told her what he tells me of the big "Maybe" in the mix. Not a shock to me. He says one thing to them, tells me something different and because I am the parent who is with them the most, it is typical kid behavior to believe the one who does not dole out consequences etc.

So I called him back and he admitted that yes, what I was saying was accurate. Carsyn then gives me a, "Well sorry but why would I assume anyone would act like that or think that was a good idea?" Then takes the phone, goes into my office and proceeds to get into a blowout with him, then cries when he hangs up on her. Then he calms down and tries calling back and she refuses to take his call because at the end of the conversation, when he is mad and flustered, he pulls the old Dan card out.

"That's right I have to be responsible for Baylor because your Mom and her friend have to go gallivanting off." She tells him to knock it off, that he hardly even has them and that my trip has been planned for a year. It is not my fault that he has known about parents weekend for months and yet has planned nothing."

That was when he hung up. So when he is calling back, Carsyn is crying and saying she is not going to talk to him when he acts like an @ss. She loves her Dad but she loves Dan too and she will not put up with her Dad slamming someone she cares for just because he is mad at the day.

Carsyn is very loyal but she will also hold you to task if she thinks you are wrong. She is the only one who impacts him. When he forgot her birthday this year and she was crying, he asked her to stop making him feel bad. She told him he should feel bad. Again, then blamed his Mom for not reminding him when he had talked to her that day. She loves him and I am glad of that but someday she will be sick of being his caretaker. I hope.

Anyway, after that they were driving. Now it is back to maybe flying maybe not and supposedly Carsyn knows. I doubt it.

 

[tlenzendorf]

I hope that everything works out easy for you in the end. Part of it is supposed to be a relaxing trip about you and Dan. Not some buttwad back in Minnesota. Ugh. He will be miserable one day when the kids have him all figured out and won't put up with the crap-ola anymore. I haven't talked to my mom in 14 years now. She was abusive when I was growing up(different than your kids situation, but theirs is still difficult), and always made me feel bad because she "had" to do it. One day they will say enough.

 

[YukiPhnx]

Wow Dawn....I just....reading all this....I don't know what to say.

It just really appalls me that anyone would be this irresponsible for his own children!

I think it IS better to plan for Baylor staying home, instead of leaving it up to chance. At least then you can make plans for his care to make sure he is fed.

 

[Dizneydawn]

I think it IS better to plan for Baylor staying home, instead of leaving it up to chance. At least then you can make plans for his care to make sure he is fed.

He would not just leave Baylor alone mind you. What he would do is call me on Thursday night when I am at MNSSHP and tell me that he is flying and I need to help him figure out what WE are doing with Baylor since I need to be gone with Dan. So I am cutting him off at the pass.

Tlenz - I get it about your Mom and applaud you making the choice to say just because you had me does not give you unlimited access and rights to me forever.

I think that he will always have the kids in his life. It is just going to get a whole lot louder for him and I am not sure how much longer they want to hear, "That is your Mom talking and not you." The oldest 2 are adults for all intent and purpose and they think on their own. They have pointed out to me when I am wrong as well and I have to man up and realize they are right. He has never been that person.

His last minute planning will eventually lead to them not seeing him much though because they will have spouses and other family to plan around too and someday maybe he will get that he needs to make spending time with them a priority, not just when he has the time.

 

[Dizneydawn]

http://www.kqrs.com/Article.asp?id=1965185&spid=6546

I think I posted this elsewhere a few weeks ago but saw this again and had to make sure you guys saw it.

HILARIOUS because it is not me!!

 

[Dizneydawn]

Hi -I am going to bed. Just wanted to give you all the update on the saga.

They are not going.

None of them.

He does not have the means to go after looking at his income and debt this month. So now Carsyn is going to work for her Jamaica trip the 3 days off of school. She will be home to help with Baylor when their Dad is gone. My sister is going to take them to a movie and dinner one night.

Carsyn looked at College of Charleston and found out what they post for scholarships is nothing like Anderson. I told her to apply, then when she finds out her financial aid packet, if it is close she can go then.

Seriously. all this stress and worry for him to look at his budget 2 weeks before? I can't even begin to talk about it.

Dawn

 

[YukiPhnx]

Goodnight Dawn

 

[Mndisneygirl]

Dang Dawn. That just stinks. I'm sorry you have to deal with that nonsense at all, let alone shortly before a wonderful trip for you and Dan. I hope Carsyn is okay with the change too. It's really too bad, but you know that.

One for you, Dan, Carsyn, Treyner and Baylor

 

[2_Eagle_Mom]

Dawn,

I'm so glad things seem to be worked out. I'm sorry you had to go through all the drama and worry about how you were going to handle it. In the long run I think it will work out well. Baylor will get some independence and Carsyn will earn some bucks for her trip.

I think as the kids get older and have to deal with their fathers issues they will learn for themselves how they want to react and how they want to be treated.

I'd like to say that he will learn that if he doesn't change that his relationship with the kids will stall or won't grow. But my experience with people that are self centered rarely realize how their behavior hurts others. Hopefully the kids are strong enough to vocalize how they feel and refuse to be treated badly.

Hopefully now that these arrangements seem to be settled you can have a great trip and not worry as much about things at home. But if you are like me that will be difficult, when you don't have all your chicks with you, you worry about what could possibly happen.

Hopefully for both of us will have trips that are peacefull, relaxing and without any emergencies.

 

[tlenzendorf]

I'm so sorry you have had to deal with this stress and then hear that neither of the kids will go

 

[TyRy]

I'm glad it all finally seems settled, but it's insane that it took all this. Hope the kids hopes weren't set to high about going.

Now maybe you relax a tad and enjoy your trip.

 

[Dizneydawn]

Hi guys!

The kids seem okay with the outcome actually. They are pretty much go with the flow kids. Carsyn was most excited to show her Dad Charleston because she truly fell in love with that place. She also said she thought she should look at another college to say she has compared places, not just went with the first she looked at. I reminded her she has stayed at Winona (a local college of 8,400 students) with Carly and yet she is convinced she wants to be in the south so that really does not count to her.

I think she actually loves Anderson a lot. It is a beautiful campus. She will know Treyner and Taylor and other people there. I am going to maybe look at booking a flight for her to fly into Greenville, Friday and fly out with us in Atlanta on Monday. She says it is no big deal but I think she should get a chance to look at the campus when it is full of students. We shall see what happens in the end. She works after school, then she and I go to wrap up her senior pics. We will have time to talk then.

She said it was only a 4 hour drive to Charleston so she has plenty of opportunities to spend weekends there if she is at Anderson. College of Charleston is also downtown Charleston and I am not sure after considering the parking hassle, big auditorium classes for some general ed's, etc. that are part of a 10,000 person college, she was really thrilled about the prospect.

Her Dad is going to a college reunion this weekend and she mentioned that he could have saved some money towards the Charleston trip if he was not going to that. It is 5 hours round trip of a drive and then hotel money, partying money, football ticket money etc.

Yet typical Carysn, she makes the best of it and just moves on. I am going to talk with her about going to Chicago just us in a few months. Maybe see the windows all lit up for the holidays and just check out some fun spots. She really did not get a senior college trip (with this being canceled) like Treyner did with the focus being just on her and I want to make it up to her somehow. She has been wanting to spend time in Chicago for a long time so it would be really fun.

Baylor, I think was glad he would not be in a car again for 40 hours at some level.

Ok - I need to go get a ton done on the WISH thread and also let the dogs out....Who Who!!!!

 

[Mndisneygirl]

Dawn - glad to hear the kids are okay with all this. I love the idea of a Chicago trip for you and Carsyn. I would like to do that type of thing with my girls as each one gets older.

 

[jessrose18]

I know what it feels like to have a Dad who constantly disapoints You really never get used to it, and always hope someday they wont be so selfish, still waiting... Glad the kids are ok with the outcome. I know she will find a great college and has time to think about it. Scholarships are a biggie! Hope the rest of the planning is smooth sailing from here

what 18 pounds lost! congrats!

 

[tlenzendorf]

A Chicago trip sounds fabulous. We love that city! Go there 2-4 times a year. Don't forget the Ikea store!

 

[GoofyWife]

Glad things got straightened out with your trip - I think we'll be passing each other on the road at some point - my DH and I will be in Charleston on October 14th - October 16th - one of his business groups is having their "family" trip (spouses only) and meeting in Charleston. He won't have much time to sightsee as he does have to go to two meetings (but I'll make up for it!) - then I told him since we were only like six hours from Disney and he hasnt been since 2005 (he's not a big Disney fan), we could drive down for a day. So on Saturday, we're driving down to Disney, spend a full day at MK on Sunday and drive back up to Virginia on Monday. Since we don't have to pay for anything in Charleston and got a good PIN code for POP on Saturday and Sunday, I'm definitely looking forward to our trip alone, away from the three kids and mother-in-law!

 

[2princesses2princes]

coming in a bit late, but i am here.

I am so sorry you have had to deal with all of this drama and stuff. I hope it all turns out like it sounds like it is starting to. You and Dan deserve this time together. I am actually a bit jealous of the alone time

We had our shot in 04 and it was great. HOping to do something for our 10year in Mar of 2012 but with 4 young ones at home, we'll see about that.

Can't wait til after the trip to read your report, I have read another of yours and it was great, I laughed, I cried, it was just awesome.