How close are you to your breaking point?

[a1tinkfans]

Mimijudy1975, didn’t read Other pages but your stress level and angst is palpable. Is there anyone you can talk too about this? Recognizing that you feel this way... lost/scattered ( no disrespect, just my interpretation) is not healthy for you. Please consider reaching out ..to ur doctor perhaps. Maybe s/he can help?
I’m truly sorry youre feeling this way and ur Not Alone, there’s others that do feel the exact way. We all handle things differently and the important thing is that Any Way you feel is Valid. Sending a virtual hug ur way. I hope being here on the boards gets u thru a bit. One minute at a time.. your Heard!!

 

[SaintsManiac]

So just an FYI for those who may need it...”There’s an app for that...”
Betterhelp and Talkspace (among other) apps connect you to an online therapist who can help if you’re losing it. No need to leave the house.

There is also a free service listed on the CDC site.

call 1-800-985-5990, or text TalkWithUs to 66746

 

[a1tinkfans]

Mimijudy1975, didn’t read Other pages but your stress level and angst is palpable. Is there anyone you can talk too about this? Recognizing that you feel this way... lost/scattered ( no disrespect, just my interpretation) is not healthy for you. Please consider reaching out ..to ur doctor perhaps. Maybe s/he can help?
I’m truly sorry youre feeling this way and ur Not Alone, there’s others that do feel the exact way. We all handle things differently and the important thing is that Any Way you feel is Valid. Sending a virtual hug ur way. I hope being here on the boards gets u thru a bit. One minute at a time.. youre Heard!!

 

[DuskKodesh]

I know this was a thread meant for venting but I feel like I'd not sleep well unless I added this to what SaintsManiac posted above.
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ Is the site for the national suicide prevention hotline, it never hurts to talk. There is no meter for how depressed, how 'down' you have to feel to call. If you need it you use it. If it would help you you use it.

Reach out and talk. Nothing is more important than your health.

 

[Jrb1979]

I’m surprised at how many anti social people enjoy Disney so much. I don’t say that to be a smart *** either. It’s just surprising. I work with a lot of people who aren’t social at all and really aren’t “people persons” and they all despise Disney or any places that have lots of people. I would think if you don’t like socializing and would rather stay home than be around people that you would hate Disney or any type of theme park or places with large groups of people.

I fit into that category but I love theme parks. Where I differ is I love going to parks alone.

 

[Colleen27]

I'm not oblivious to this. A pandemic highlights flaws that were already there. I'm surviving not making big decisions. And believe me, I can stand up for myself and my son as needed. My son is shielded from most of it as the nitpicking is usually comments or discussions directed at me. Honestly, who knows what will happen in the future.

I feel like my experience is indicative of many people's but most won't admit to it. It's not fun to say that being with your loved one 24/7 isn't always wonderful. Who knows, I'm doing the best I can right now and will make big decisions as this comes to an end and I have more options.

I hope things work out for you, one way or the other. I agree that many are likely in the same boat right now, whether or not they're talking about it.

I'm honestly struggling with some of the same things with my husband, and I am so so thankful that he's essential because as much as I love him, I don't think I could take him being home with the boys unemployed right now. He just doesn't know how to let go and let it be for now. For example, he's been snippy about the boys staying up all night playing video games, as though it is indicative of them being slackers, even though they don't have anywhere else to be and it actually helps me out to have them sleeping during the day when I want the house quiet for the girls' Zoom classes. He's also frustrated by the "mess" (drinks, books, etc.) in the living room when he gets home... but he's used to coming home to a house where no one's been all day. Some mess is unavoidable with five of us there all day! I know he's just as stressed as we are, for different reasons, but there are moments when I could cheerfully throttle him for his lack of empathy and understanding of how upended the logistics of our lives have been. Everything is normal for him, though more stressful at work (his three-man team was one short when this started and of course hiring is on hold now, and his boss has been out for weeks with COVID19; every time she plans to come back, something else happens, first a setback with her own health and then her sister falling ill and needing help and now their mother hospitalized), and he really doesn't seem to get just how different everything is for us. He wants "normal" after work and I just can't give him that.

 

[brockash]

It's been interesting here. My husband owns a small electrical contracting business which has taken us on a roller coaster ride. Everytime he assures me that no more jobs are coming in and he might have to let his two employees go and shutter the business for awhile he gets a call and more work appears. We were sure we would lose our wonderful employees a few weeks ago and now he's booked through next Friday for sure.

I'm an ESL teacher and am working from home doing online learning. It is challenging and a break all in one. I miss my students so much and it's much more difficult trying to do online learning with kids that speak very little English. My position is new for me and this year has been stressful so I will say this has been a bit of a break career wise. I still work from 7-4 most days and definitely put in hours over the weekend but not having the pressure of looking good, wearing the right clothes, having nails/hair done, getting up at 5:30, working out after work and having only an hour or two after that before having to go to bed again, etc. has been nice.

My son, 22, is home from college and that has some problems associated bc my husband (his stepdad) can be critical and nitpicking with him. I feel like I'm in the middle and constantly walking on eggshells. On the other side I've loved having him home and we have had lots of quality time. I'm still wrapping my head around him being here all summer since he was supposed to do an internship that got cancelled. And I really feel for him bc he certainly didn't want to be a 22 year old young man at home for months with his mom and stepdad. Hopefully he will still graduate in December and the job market will be better.

My husband has very firm ideas about how things should happen. He feels like he has to give me "projects" or tasks bc he doesn't feel I'm using my time wisely if I'm just working on the computer or reading a book or doing a jigsaw puzzle. For example, he felt the back of the house needed painting so I was asked (required) to go out after I worked 8 hours and paint for 4 hours. If I refuse he wouldn't do anything serious but just be highly unkind about my choices, work ethic, laziness, etc. It is stressful being an adult and feeling stuck in another person's narrative. I do love my husband, he just isn't easy to live with 24/7.

My mom is 78 and we lost my dad last July. She is about 1.5 hours away and I haven't seen her since this all started. We talk every other day but I worry about her. She was very social and I know misses her church family and all her friends. She definitely has a busier social life than me. I might break down next weekend and go see her just to sit in the backyard and talk. She seems ok but I know she's lonely.

I miss my friends so much. We Zoom and text constantly but I need a hug from my besties. And some fun.

I feel so grateful to have a job and food and a roof over our head. Such conflicting emotions throughout each day and the anxiety that comes with them are exhausting. I absolutely cannot complain though, I'm just ready to live life again instead of making it through the day or existing.

If you're being serious about your husband; I'm sorry you're in that situation, but I really think it's time to think about if that's really how you want to choose to live the rest of your life. He sounds, for lack of a better word, a really crappy person to be with and I'm not sure anything is worth dealing with someone like that. Hugs to you...but remember you have choices.

 

[wildride]

As a doctor, I need to remind you that everything is not your responsibility and only you can look out for you. Sounds like you need a break. Take three weeks off and get back in the fight. 2 weeks in isolation, one week with your family, then back to work if you can handle it. Nobody expects you to literally kill yourself trying to save everyone else’s family. Everyone understands that this is about as bad as it gets. Good luck.

I would love to do that but not allowed on my job. We work 5 days and on call the other 2.

 

[brockash]

Thank you! I do the same for my son. I make breakfast and lunch and dinner. We are vegetarians but I make two meals 3 times per day bc my son eats meat. I buy his favorite treats at the store. I listen to his music with him in the backyard even though I don't like much of it. I play weird Playstation games with him when he seems like he wants company. I listen to his opinions on this pandemic and validate them even if they don't match my own thinking. I've bought him a bass guitar and equipment for him to make music on his Macbook bc he enjoys that and can't afford it. I'm a pretty damn good mom and his life is easy at this point. It's me who is in the middle and has anxiety - I've shielded him from most of that.

It sounds like you're a great mom trying to do whatever you can for your son, but please understand all that "shielding," especially at this age, is just in your head. He knows, he feels it, he can see it in your face and honestly just as it would be harder on you to see him deal with a crappy person than for yourself to deal with him; it's harder on your son to see you deal with it. I know now is not the best time, but just understand that your son is not left unscathed by your shielding (not any disrespect to you, I know you're trying to protect him etc. but trust me it effectshim.)

 

[smmco]

Honestly, I'm having a hard time. The loss of normalcy is threatening my ability to be okay.

I am starting to struggle getting out of bed. Yesterday, I woke up at 8:00am, crawled to the couch, and slept there until 2:30. I have many things I could do, things that I usually enjoy doing, here at home - I have two baby quilts to work on. I have paintings I could work on. I have stories I could write. I don't want to do any of it. None of these things that I usually enjoy are making me happy. I have no appetite. I'm not interested in food or eating whatsoever. I've managed to make myself drink a nutritional shake and have a few crackers each day, but even that feels like a chore. I don't even really feel like chatting with friends online anymore. I just sort of sit and watch them talk at me. I sit on here and scroll up and down just to feel like I'm doing something more than staring at a screen.

I am fortunate to still be working. I don't see it as a burden. But my patients rely on me being okay. And I'm not really okay anymore. I don't need a break; work is one of the few things I am able to pull myself out of bed for. My position was always high stakes and high stress, and it will be after this is over, too. It's the loss of everything else.

No amount of being told "it could be worse," or "everyone else is handling this just fine" is going to fix what I'm experiencing. My brain is saying scary things I can usually deal with. Losing my routine, losing my outside coping mechanisms, losing the things that make me feel normal is very difficult for me. I'm not going stir-crazy. I'm empty and hopeless.

Sorry to be a downer. But it seems no one wants to hear about how hard this is - and some of us can't help the reasons that it's hard.

I work in healthcare RN and I can relate to what your feeling. Not because of the virus. The virus has been a non-issue. I feel like everything I looked forward too to deal with the stress of the job has been taken away. As you know this job sucks the life out of you.

The last month{work wise} has been the easiest 6 weeks of my 25-year career. Census has been low and a lot of my shifts have been canceled. I feel weird being hailed as some sort of hero when three months ago we were at max capacity and working short every day. Where was the hero worship then? Why all of sudden am I a hero?

Everything feels fake and weird to me now. I just want to have something to look forward to again. I sleep a lot on my days off and totally get what you mean about losing your coping mechanisms. I've had to adjust my expectations and a lot of my plans, but I am feeling more optimistic. Like I said in my previous post I'm looking forward to my summer vacations. They may not be what I worked and planned for, but I'm going to make the best of it.

I hope you can find some sort of normalcy soon.

 

[Jrb1979]

I just have come to accept that this is the new normal. Physical distancing is the way of life now til there is herd immunity or a vaccine. I kind of like it. Its great going into grocery stores and not be overwhelmed with a crowd of people.

 

[SaintsManiac]

I just have come to accept that this is the new normal. Physical distancing is the way of life now til there is herd immunity or a vaccine. I kind of like it. Its great going into grocery stores and not be overwhelmed with a crowd of people.

It is fine right now, but I won’t like it come August if school opening s delayed and football gets canceled or delayed.

 

[Jrb1979]

It is fine right now, but I won’t like it come August if school opening s delayed and football gets canceled or delayed.

I need my NHL back and I need to have a beer on a patio somewhere Here in Canada they have cancelled most events til next year. I'm prepared for a long summer. I'm glad I made to 7 different amusement parks last year.

 

[HashberryOTG]

I’m surprised at how many anti social people enjoy Disney so much. I don’t say that to be a smart *** either. It’s just surprising. I work with a lot of people who aren’t social at all and really aren’t “people persons” and they all despise Disney or any places that have lots of people. I would think if you don’t like socializing and would rather stay home than be around people that you would hate Disney or any type of theme park or places with large groups of people.

For me, I'm not a fan of people. Add bipolar to that, and large crowds can stress me to the point I feel panicky and/or dizzy and very overwhelmed. I make sure to be hyper aware of how I'm feeling and let the hubby know if it's starting to bother me. We'll take a break and head back to the room, ride the sky liner around, hang out in a lounge, etc. until I feel better. I'm very fortunate to have a super supportive spouse to be my rock. So yeah, I instinctively hate crowds, but some things are just worth it, so long as I'm careful.

 

[Kestryl]

It’s affecting me more and more. My family is several states and hundreds of miles away, so I can’t do just a swing-by and shout from my car window. I missed Easter with them- the first time in my life. I was supposed to go back in May for a different family event. Even if that does happen, I won’t be going. Work has essentially banned us from leaving the region. I’m basically working from home, but need to go in once a week. If I leave the region, two week quarantine. If someone visits me from outside the region, 2 week quarantine. If I have any in-person contact with someone from outside the region, 2 week quarantine. I’m feeling very trapped.

I’m grateful for my husband, or else I would be utterly alone. And I’m also thankful for my job. But I still feel trapped, and my anxiety and depression are rising.

 

[ronandannette]

So, now is not the best time to present this. But I feel I must. My child is home from college and having the time of their life. Breakfast in bed. Gourmet dinners. I even cleaned their bathroom. The gratitude is thanks enough for me. I know classes are still going on. I will pamper. How lucky am I to have my child back home!

But their are reports of bitter parents. Parents that are less than happy to have young adults return home. Charging them rent. Charging them water use. It is so detrimental to students that are trying to adjust to life at home, vs. life on college campus. It makes me sick.

Please choose your son. Your husband is not a good person. I know that you know that because you are to the "walking on eggshells" point. He has assigned you projects. He is assigning you chores. You are grown. You should not be assigned chores by a spouse. You know that. He is exuding abusive behaviors. You do not have to live this life even though you love him.

And I know it's not the time. But always (ALWAYS) remember how he treated your child in his time of need. Pay attention to that.

I wish you the best. I wish your son better.

Oh for Pete's sake... Some of our "children" are competent, fully-functional adults and we'd like them to stay that way. Nothing wrong with a little extra TLC but here we expect that courtesy to be a two-way street. I'm proud that my DS(23) who is a university student and living at home, is a grown man and infantalizing him in the name of "mother-love" is a ridiculous idea.

 

[Planogirl]

I'm doing ok with things. I don't really mind being home more for a while and I still have my job. I hate the job but I need it and I realize that I'm lucky. I'm also lucky that DS lives with me because I have physical limitations and sometimes need help.

I am upset when I think about the future though. I've seen ugliness in some people which worries me and I feel sad for the unemployed and worried and those who are suffering or have lost loved ones who suffered. How will things be for them going forward? I also wonder how the medical workers and first responders and store employees and so on continue to deal with the stress. When will it really end?

I feel sad for our world. I don't see how it can ever be the same. I was watching a concert on TV and wondered how such tightly packed crowds could ever exist again and if they do, when? I see that venues want distancing and masks and wonder how that can ever work at normally crowded places. What about kids in school? How will they keep from spreading this?

Thinking about all of this is exhausting and now I'm just rambling. I miss being able to expect certain normal things I guess.

 

[sasywtch]

I am one that was advocating the need to stay home longer to help get rid of the virus however, I broke the other day. My grandkids went swimming in my daughter's pool so I went over there too and even got a hug from my 6 year old grandson. I then helped my 15 year old grandson make beignets. For me it's not the staying home part that's breaking me, it's the fear that is. I am in the high risk category so the constant fear is what will break me.

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

Oh for Pete's sake... Some of our "children" are competent, fully-functional adults and we'd like them to stay that way. Nothing wrong with a little extra TLC but here we expect that courtesy to be a two-way street. I'm proud that my DS(23) who is a university student and living at home, is a grown man and infantalizing him in the name of "mother-love" is a ridiculous idea.

I agree with you absolutely but I am also aware of how easy it is to almost subconsciously slip back into the former ‘parent-child’ roles.

 

[mousefan73]

Honestly, I'm having a hard time. The loss of normalcy is threatening my ability to be okay.

I am starting to struggle getting out of bed. Yesterday, I woke up at 8:00am, crawled to the couch, and slept there until 2:30. I have many things I could do, things that I usually enjoy doing, here at home - I have two baby quilts to work on. I have paintings I could work on. I have stories I could write. I don't want to do any of it. None of these things that I usually enjoy are making me happy. I have no appetite. I'm not interested in food or eating whatsoever. I've managed to make myself drink a nutritional shake and have a few crackers each day, but even that feels like a chore. I don't even really feel like chatting with friends online anymore. I just sort of sit and watch them talk at me. I sit on here and scroll up and down just to feel like I'm doing something more than staring at a screen.

I am fortunate to still be working. I don't see it as a burden. But my patients rely on me being okay. And I'm not really okay anymore. I don't need a break; work is one of the few things I am able to pull myself out of bed for. My position was always high stakes and high stress, and it will be after this is over, too. It's the loss of everything else.

No amount of being told "it could be worse," or "everyone else is handling this just fine" is going to fix what I'm experiencing. My brain is saying scary things I can usually deal with. Losing my routine, losing my outside coping mechanisms, losing the things that make me feel normal is very difficult for me. I'm not going stir-crazy. I'm empty and hopeless.

Sorry to be a downer. But it seems no one wants to hear about how hard this is - and some of us can't help the reasons that it's hard.

Nobody needs to excuse for how we all deal with this. Your post does cause some concern but don’t feel bad if your body and mind need to shut off at times. I have been not able to sleep early at night. My internal clock shuts off at 1am and I could sleep until 11. My DH, bless his heart, leaves me be. I am is that when I’m dealing with stress my body just shuts off along with my mind and I sleep a lot more than normal. I think we all need to just except that these are not normal times and that may mean not normal activity. You say you also have a highly stressful job maybe this is just the way of your body and mind taking a hiatus. Let it rest but also get the help if you feel you need it deep down- there’s no shame in that.