Help:)

[ToddyLu]

I think part of the problem is that you are still so young that you haven't fully crossed the line where you step away from your core family unit and move into your adult life. Step mom probably still sees you as a child not as an independent adult. It is easier to say sorry I'm going to stay somewhere different than you when you are older and have been living on your own for years.

OP, do you happen to live with dad and step-mom?

Exactly, if your were 42 and BF were married for 16 years then there would be no question....you would do what you wanted and the rest would do what they wanted. You would automatically know your plans were set and if others joined you they could be resposible for themselves. No questions, every one would have a great time, etc. I think you might not be old enough to realize that this is an OK option to be separated and doin your own thing. As a nurse I know how difficult and how much time it may take your father to get ready for a daily outing in a different place. This may be what is stressing her out but she may need the space and trappings of a condo that help them get him ready for the day.

 

[sp0ngem0nkey]

I have stayed on property and off... I LOVE staying on the properties... i had the same situation where we invited the MIL along and she started planning to get us all in an offsite hotel with her points. 1. She has no idea how big WDW is since she is from CA. DL can fit in the parking lot of MK alone. 2. I had to stay firm and nice and say we will be staying on site for many reasons. One being the transportation at Disney is awesome and I know how to get around and back to the hotel for my 4 year old twins nap/rest time (which is a must). She finally realized we were not budging and had been rolling with the plans every since. I did keep her in the loop about things we were doing and mostly related around the grand kids so she is all for it. With that said since you do not have little kids in your group you can say this is what we are doing for the day if you feel like joining us otherwise we can there can be split up and you meet up at meals or this such and such events.

oh, and also, If you are off site you have to be on the mercy of the only 2 times the bus rides back and forth to the hotel or the driver of the car. So, you can not stay out late if someone wants to go home.
My cab rides were $40 one way. So, we went home early some nights instead of stay out.

 

[seashoreCM]

Rent DVC points and stay at .

I would say no. Renting points adds another work task activity to the planning process, something they probably don't want.

A lot of back and forth with the Disney Vacation Club member and owner of the points. Coordination needed to get the details, Magical Express, paperwork, finances, etc.

After BF has done Disney a few times perhaps renting points could be a new adventure.

 

[Mama Who]

If I invite you to join me in France and you decide Italy is cheaper, should I give up on my lifelong dream of seeing Paris?

No?

You planned a trip. You invited them to join you. If they don't want to join you, that's on them. You do what you want to do and they can come along or not. It is *your* plan, you do not have to change it for them. (Accommodating actual needs, excepted.)

 

[shalom]

I thought Brian Noble's got a point that you may be trying to make this into too many things. If you're clear in your head about what you're doing, you weren't clear in the telling, meaning it may be that the family's not clear on what you're doing. But I also agree with those who think your stepmom may be in the "family vacation" mode because of your age. If you made it clear that wasn't what you meant, then maybe you should gently remind her that, if it was a family plan with you in the role of "kid", then you wouldn't be the one planning it.

In general, I think family trips work best if the originator says, "This is when I'm going; this is where I'm staying; this is what I'm doing, but I'll modify it if you want to get together a couple of times and my schedule doesn't work for that," and then everyone else is free to work out whatever. Unless you want to be there to see someone's face the first time they experience whatever, and assuming everyone's reasonably articulate (which little kids are not), then getting together to share the experience in the evening works really well.

When I vacation with my parents or our adopted Grandma, they basically let us call the shots and do whatever we're doing (or nap at "home" if our pace is too fast sometimes). When I vacation with my siblings and the in-laws, they go with us on some things, suggest some things we could do together, and do some stuff on their own. The only time that hasn't worked for us is when a kid wants to do something independent of their family and they weren't consulted, which in my experience happens twice -- first when the kid starts being good with doing stuff without mom and dad around, and second when the kid starts paying their own way. But even then, it's just one thing that didn't work well, not the whole vacation.

If you're "on-site or don't bother" and they're not, then stick to your original plan and say you'd like to get together with them in the parks and/or for dinner sometimes. If you're commando and they're not, or vice versa, I think it'd be easier to be vacationing more independently anyhow.

Hope you have a great time, whatever you end up doing.

And, finally, I can't be the only person who is struck by the fact that Cinderella is having troubles with her step-mother...

Nope, hadn't noticed, so thanks for pointing that out. Although this stepmother sounds a lot nicer than the one in the movie.

 

[pbrim]

I agree with deciding what is important to you and not compromising on that.

I would also point out that, if your father is in a wheelchair or power chair, that staying on-site is MUCH easier in my experience. I use an ECV at Disney and being able to just roll on and roll off Disney transportation is SO much easier than trying to manage transport of my own where I have constantly load and unload the ECV.

ADA requires everyone to make some accommodations, but Disney is serious about it. They have a reputation that really brings in special needs kids and their families from around the world. When you stay on-site you are in a unified environment where the resorts, transportation, attractions, and restaurants are all designed to work together and all designed to be accessible. It just seems to make things easier to me.

 

[DaisyMaisie]

Why don't you and your step Mom do a pro and con list together? Why does she prefer the condo? Is it just because it is cheaper, or are there other issue? Can they comfortably afford onsite or would it be a real problem for them?Is onsite rack rate with the dining plan really cheaper than sharing a condo and paying for meals? If you each actually know all the reasons why you are leaning the way that you are no one should be offended with the ultimate decision.


Also keep in mind that since you can make advance dining reservations ahead of time, even without the dining plan you can plan ahead and budget for all the dining you want. Depending on the length on your trip maybe you could even stay at the condo and then splurge a couple of nights at a deluxe for just the two of you.

I am really impressed that a 19 year old has saved up enough money to comfortably pay rack rate for on-site accommodation. Just keep in mind that paying alone wont keep them from acting parental.

 

[Disney Luvher]

Go with what YOU want to do and what you feel is best for your and your boyfriend. It was very thoughtful of you to invite your stepmom and the rest of your family, but you should stick to what you originally planned. I've went on trips with family and ended up throwing all my vacation planning in the garbage because they switched so many things around. While I'm sure if you went with your step-moms idea, you wouldn't have a horrible time at WDW (really, who could?), it would be much easier and less stressful on you, if you just stick with what you had originally. Hope this helps!

 

[Disney Luvher]

I'm in the camp of "the more the merrier" when it comes to vacations. I have learned to do it something like this:

"Hey Extended Family! We are going to _____________ on the following dates: ________. We are staying at ________________ Resort. You are all welcome to come the entire time or part of the time we are there. We'd love to share our vacation with you. If you like a different resort in the area, please don't think we will be insulted if you stay somewhere else. If you come, it's your vacation, too, so stay where you feel comfortable and we'll work out times and locations to meet up. Hope you come along!"

We did this for our trip to New Hampshire this summer and it worked marvelously. We got a hotel room and my aunt, uncle and cousins decided to join us and they brought their camper and stayed at a campground. We got up and met for breakfast, spent the days together and then separated at night. It was perfect.

We did this for our 2010 Disney trip, and my mom and another aunt came along. They decided staying at the same resort as us would be easiest for them, and so they did.

NOw, on my recent trip to NYC with my mom, all my aunts and some cousins, I planned the whole thing but it was one of those disastrous trips where EVERY SINGLE PERSON thinks they are in charge of the itinerary. One person had our theater tickets so we were stuck together. It wasn't pretty. I learned from that I should have said, "This is what *I* am doing on this trip. If you want to come but you want to do something else when we get there, that is fine. We will meet at 1:30 in front of Gershwin Theater to see Wicked. Everyone can carry their own ticket and that way if anyone's running late, we won't all miss the beginning of the show." Lesson learned.

I think the key is letting people know that they are welcome to join you but joining you does NOT mean you have to be stuck together like glue 24/7.

That's not a bad idea either. I wish I could be like this, however, I'm one of those people who likes to have everyone do everything together...

 

[mmforme2009]

I would remind her that as much as you all want to be together, this is your BF's first trip and he wants the whole "disney" experience which includes staying at a particular on-site resort for the theme.

 

[sp0ngem0nkey]

I would remind her that as much as you all want to be together, this is your BF's first trip and he wants the whole "disney" experience which includes staying at a particular on-site resort for the theme.

We call that "the full effect"! Our kids are going for the first time and it HAS to be the full effect!!! I'm sooo excited. The Disney hotels themselves I could just hop to and be happy. They are so done so well, themed and artsy with great shops and features.

 

[Cinderella<3]

Hello, to clear things up I kind of talked my family into going. I obvi didnt mean I would pay for them. Im only 19 and a college student lol. Thank you to all of you guys for the support and the advice I talked to my step mom today after I did number crunching and explained to her what my boyfriend and I wanted out of this trip. She completely understood and they actually are looking into staying on Disney prop now too! Thanks again everyone

 

[sukhakuli]

Hello, to clear things up I kind of talked my family into going. I obvi didnt mean I would pay for them. Im only 19 and a college student lol. Thank you to all of you guys for the support and the advice I talked to my step mom today after I did number crunching and explained to her what my boyfriend and I wanted out of this trip. She completely understood and they actually are looking into staying on Disney prop now too! Thanks again everyone

I'm glad you came to an agreement. Just for future reference, traveling with family means making a lot of concessions. My family is SLOW. They putter around the hotel for hours drinking coffee, fixing their hair, wandering around and so on. That's just my dad. He has a thing about his hair. He's been sporting the Beatles haircut since 1965. My dh's family, OTOH is CHEAP. Crazy cheap. Once they flew out for dh's undergrad graduation and spent 2 nights sleeping in the airport to save money. I am not exaggerating. So, your trip is going to be very different since you are taking them along, and will probably be more inefficient. Just be aware of that, and have that expectation, or else you will not have a good time.

 

[Cinderella<3]

I think part of the problem is that you are still so young that you haven't fully crossed the line where you step away from your core family unit and move into your adult life. Step mom probably still sees you as a child not as an independent adult. It is easier to say sorry I'm going to stay somewhere different than you when you are older and have been living on your own for years.

OP, do you happen to live with dad and step-mom?

BINGO! I do still live with my dad and step mom. This is my second year in college and its cheaper for all of us. Seeing how it is a step mom and a step daughter relationship its a little harder for me to just tell her how it is sometimes BUT thanks to all of you I got the voice and politely and nicely told her what WE wanted to do And that she was welcome to tag along, and do whatever they would like to do with us and also we wouldn't be offended if they did other things without us.

 

[conandrob240]

If what you care about is spending time with your paralyzed father, stay wherever your stepmom and he choose. Given he is the one with the severe disability, staying where he wants/ needs to stay should be most important. If you are going for the food or rides, then go with your original plans. Decide what the purpose of your trip is.

 

[LadyZolt]

OP: I am glad it all worked out well for you! I think you did the right thing -- you're showing that you really are a grown up.

I also liked the idea of staying onsite at a two-bedroom property that would work well for your dad, as someone posted. I hope your step-mom and dad get the accommodations that they like! Have fun!

-Dorothy (LadyZolt)

 

[kermit116]

Hello!
Background: My boyfriend and I have been talking about going on a Disney vacation together July 2012 for almost a year now. We both have been saving and saving our money. He has never been and I am a Disney FREEK!...So I started thinking about how nice it would be to have my step mom, step sister, and dad come along with us! My dad was in an accident about 4 years ago on our last vacation to the world and was paralyzed due to Cocoa beach waves We usually go on a Vkay together every summer, but had other house expenses this last year and were unable to go. Getting to the point, I have been planning and planning and now my step mom just started looking at prices and what not. I have had my heart set on staying on property, using the dinning plan to eat lots of food and going to tons and tons of parks and activities. She started talking about how she found a condo 4 miles away from Disney and that we should stay there.. The only problem is I know the dinning plan would work best for my boyfriend and I money wise. We would not be able to purchase if we don't stay on the property, I told her that, she offered to pay for our part of the share and spend that money we would have spent on our room for our food. I feel bad because the whole point was that I do not want them to have to pay for any of my expenses. She told me she was stressed because she felt like I would be upset knowing she was going to pay for some of my step sister who is 16 trip and not mine(19). I told her I just wanted them to be able to come and that I understood when I told them they should come that this I'm would be what was happening. My main problem is what do I do? I feel like losing my vacation and am going to have to settle for things I don't really feel like doing ( staying off property, paying for food.) because I don't want to upset her...any advice?

It sounds like your stepmom is actually trying to be helpful and considerate in her own way. She's trying to get you all staying together, and is concerned that your feelings don't get hurt and is trying to make things equal between you and your (minor) sister. Doesn't sound like a "Cinderella & the stepmother" situation referenced in another post (although I think that comment was made tongue-in-cheek). Sounds like she's trying to make things as equal as possible, which I'm sure is difficult.

I agree with previous posts that you should still stay on property if that's what you really want. However, I would also agree with previous postings that you should thank your stepmom for thinking of you in that way and being so considerate. Just make sure to explain that you do not expect them to pay for you at all, and that you appreciate she thought of taking care of you in that way, but you really just want them to be there so you all can enjoy the parks together. To be honest, you may not want to all stay in the same place anyway, so you can each split off and have private time. Just my two cents.

 

[torinsmom]

OP: I am glad it all worked out well for you! I think you did the right thing -- you're showing that you really are a grown up.

I also liked the idea of staying onsite at a two-bedroom property that would work well for your dad, as someone posted. I hope your step-mom and dad get the accommodations that they like! Have fun!

-Dorothy (LadyZolt)

I don't understand people saying they should stay in a 2 bedroom. There is OP and her fiance, dad and stepmom and a 16 yo stepsister. That would be awfully cramped IMHO. I am thinking the step mom is considering offsite because having three adults(one of them paralyzed) in one room will be a little much. OP, maybe you could talk the AllStar Suites up to them?

To each their own, but we sure enjoyed our pool home this year. We were at the entrance to each park(as in walking into the actual park) in 15-20 minutes(Except MK, where you have to park at TTC and it was 30 minutes). It was so nice to spread out. Stick me in close quarters with my extended family and you might as well just shoot me

 

[Invisable89]

I'm glad you've sorted everything out, if you need anymore help don't hesitate to ask! We're all happy to help as you already know.

It's always difficult making that transition into adulthood from young adulthood - i'm still trying & i'm nearly 22 years old!

Happy planning!