Can Disney Save A Marriage? *Page 12/15 new posts

[motherof4]

Wow again! Can't wait for more!

 

[MEK]

Oh My! great update. You are very aware of yourself and your feelings and have a innate ability to put that into writing. thanks for sharing.

 

[tyandskyesmom]

just WOW!

 

[ddstratton]

Like others have said -- Wow!! I am enjoying reading your story, and cannot wait for more. You have a wonderful way of writing, and expressing yourself.

 

[GreyGhost1]

I want to thoughtfully respond to what I have just read, so bear with me here.

This is an extremely emotionally in-depth tale. So in depth, in fact, that it reminds me partly of the romance novels my wife reads. Part of me is reading this thinking, "There's no way this is real. Nobody remembers every fiber of every emotion one feels." On the other hand, divorce is a very emotional issue, and when crisis hits, we can remember details far more vibantly than at other times.

The other part- I commend you for even going on this trip, depending on the outcome. If my wife told me that she wanted a divorce, but that she still wanted to go on vacation (Disney or otherwise), I would tell her to go jump in a lake (probably more harshly than that). I understand the desire to mend such an important relationship, but man, I just couldn't put myself through that. So either I really respect your ability or I feel like saying, "you're crazy for putting yourself through that." That being said, this is your constant companion for 20-some years.

So I'm emotionally conflicted by this story. But enjoying it!

 

[Believer Dreams]

Thank you.

Anytime.

subscribing. Glad it sounds like all worked out

Better than I could have hoped for.

I'm so in for this TR. Right now we are trying to make our marriage work and it has been really good, better then it has been in years. Earlier this year I was ready to run away and leave everything behind but deep down inside I knew I had to give our marriage a second chance. We decided that we would work on things and he suggested that we should go on a second honeymoon back to Disney. I love Disney, he hates it so for him to offer that up I knew he was willing to give it a try.

I look forward to reading your story and seeing how it turns out.

That was a huge sign of giving for him to suggest something for you and not something he ordinarily would love. I hope you too find what matters and always keep that love in the forefront of your marriage.

Wow, great start. You write it so well, I can actually imagine what you were feeling. Hopefully this is cathartic for you.

It is really a good feeling to put it down in words and something I hope gives others insight to what went wrong for us and what went right.

Wow! Great, well written update.

Thanks for the compliment.

I'm in for the ride

We are getting a full vehicle aren't we!

Count me in!

You are an even! (Remember when we were in elementary school and for gym you had to count off odd/even to know which group you gathered with? Maybe it was just my school?)

Wow again! Can't wait for more!

I am really trying to write at night and just post in the morning so I can stay on top of it.

Oh My! great update. You are very aware of yourself and your feelings and have a innate ability to put that into writing. thanks for sharing.

I do not have the gift of art or singing or a whole lot else but one thing I have usually been able to do is convey my thoughts and so I appreciate your input.

just WOW!

I am hoping these "wow's" are a good thing and not like when I say "wow" watching Jerry Springer!

Like others have said -- Wow!! I am enjoying reading your story, and cannot wait for more. You have a wonderful way of writing, and expressing yourself.

Hopefully it is not too wordy and I go on too long like I talk in the real world!

I want to thoughtfully respond to what I have just read, so bear with me here.

This is an extremely emotionally in-depth tale. So in depth, in fact, that it reminds me partly of the romance novels my wife reads. Part of me is reading this thinking, "There's no way this is real. Nobody remembers every fiber of every emotion one feels." On the other hand, divorce is a very emotional issue, and when crisis hits, we can remember details far more vibantly than at other times.

The other part- I commend you for even going on this trip, depending on the outcome. If my wife told me that she wanted a divorce, but that she still wanted to go on vacation (Disney or otherwise), I would tell her to go jump in a lake (probably more harshly than that). I understand the desire to mend such an important relationship, but man, I just couldn't put myself through that. So either I really respect your ability or I feel like saying, "you're crazy for putting yourself through that." That being said, this is your constant companion for 20-some years.

So I'm emotionally conflicted by this story. But enjoying it!

I understand your viewpoint and all I can say is that I see the world in words. I always have. Was in accelerated classes for writing and composition as far back as I can remember and often had teachers accuse me of having my parents write my papers or stories. I have always noticed the detail in things, events, people that others don't and that is possibly why our trip and where we got to in our lives made me so angry at myself. How can I be so proud of my dedication to cataloging detail and so naive not to see what I was bypassing without a second thought in my own marriage? I also promise you that the way Derrick is to me and others is one hundred percent real. He is a romance book character in many ways and that usually causes me problems with my friends. It is hard to have friendships with couples or women who have some disdain for you because of what you have and they do not. Men think he is the proverbial "whipped," when their wives ask them why they can't behave like he does. Women mock you when they get together and man bash and you have nothing to input. In fact my very oldest girl friend and I rarely see one another anymore because she has a husband who treats her like garbage and never wants to do anything with her and she turns to me to fill the roll he should play and when I cannot, she is jealous and angry.

We have not been together for 20 years but have long enough to know that when he felt like there may be no hope for us, I did not need to think at all to know what I wanted and that was him. I knew what he had wrote me was right and how could I punish him or be mad at him when it was me who had caused most of where we were at? I was not and am not proud of many of my choices leading up to that trip but I am glad I went and sometimes facing the worst mistakes you have made makes you appreciate your best choices even more.

 

[PrincessRora]

Wow! nothing really constructive to add, just wanted to say great update.

 

[MEK]

Since I have gotten into photography I understand what you mean about seeing the world in words. I have started to see the world in pictures. I love taking pictures because you can freeze frame a moment in time and really dissect it. That's the same thing expressive, creative writing does.

I have a friend who lost who son two years ago. Since then she had chronicled her every day events in the context of her grief. It's like viewing a still photo. Every emotion, feeling, experience is palpable. That's what good writing does.

 

[woodleygrrl]

This report is sounding a lot like the one written by Riglee. Similar style, uber dramatic, adjective-heavy...

Still a good read even if its fiction. But if its the truth? I think it takes a lot of courage to write so frankly about such an emotional time in your life on a Disney message board.

Jennifer

 

[tyandskyesmom]

I am hoping these "wow's" are a good thing and not like when I say "wow" watching Jerry Springer!

I cannot speak for anyone else but My "WOW" is for your awesome writing ability and for your willingness to share/admit all of this.

This must have been a very difficult thing to work through and then to play it all back for us here is very generous of you. I think a lot of us have things we'd like to get out there, admit, talk through with someone on the outside that will just listen...it's taking the step to do that that is the hard part.

I will keep reading along...

 

[3timesmom]

This report is sounding a lot like the one written by Riglee. Similar style, uber dramatic, adjective-heavy...

Still a good read even if its fiction. But if its the truth? I think it takes a lot of courage to write so frankly about such an emotional time in your life on a Disney message board.

Jennifer

I totally agree w/ you! As I was reading the first pages I was thinking that this TR really sounds like RigLee's...tons of details and emotions...really entertaining Well, Believer Dreams, bring it on!!! I definitely want to read more...

 

[Believer Dreams]

Wow! nothing really constructive to add, just wanted to say great update.

Thank you and that I am glad to see you here again!

Since I have gotten into photography I understand what you mean about seeing the world in words. I have started to see the world in pictures. I love taking pictures because you can freeze frame a moment in time and really dissect it. That's the same thing expressive, creative writing does.

I have a friend who lost who son two years ago. Since then she had chronicled her every day events in the context of her grief. It's like viewing a still photo. Every emotion, feeling, experience is palpable. That's what good writing does.

Someday I would like to learn photography. I cannot imagine how hard that must be for your friend and you are good to her for encouraging her to write. So many people want to wall off the part of them that grieves.

This report is sounding a lot like the one written by Riglee. Similar style, uber dramatic, adjective-heavy...

Still a good read even if its fiction. But if its the truth? I think it takes a lot of courage to write so frankly about such an emotional time in your life on a Disney message board.

Jennifer

I have read RigLee's TR and I do not understand how this is similar in the slightest as far as context. We both write in English and as far as anything else, I guess I will have to lead it up to the reader to decide. I think her style is much more conversation based and mine tends to lead more on emotion. She has a great following though and it has made many people happy and so regardless if we are similar or not, I hope at the end of this I can say the same. I also think any story, TR or verbal recall will have an element of fiction to it even if it is an autobiography. Being based on the telling of events from one persons point of view will always lead to their perception influencing their version of events. So I guess your wondering if it is fiction or not can be answered with a yes to both. Yes it is fiction and yes it happened.

Also, differences from what I have read between us is that I have a college degree, I am a bit older (ha) than her and the last thing Derrick will ever have is a cowboy hat on his head or a career involving cattle or horses. He is an ad exec and I am giggling at the thought of him in many of the scenarios she has written about Rig. His family comes from a long line of bankers and investors, not a trucking empire and they would never disown him because their love for him no matter what profession he choose was greater than anything else. They have made their influence on him though. For Halloween he spent 3 hours looking at sales ad's to see which store had the bag with the most ounces of candy in it for the best value. Not exactly your a-typical cowboy type.

I am hoping these "wow's" are a good thing and not like when I say "wow" watching Jerry Springer!

I cannot speak for anyone else but My "WOW" is for your awesome writing ability and for your willingness to share/admit all of this.

This must have been a very difficult thing to work through and then to play it all back for us here is very generous of you. I think a lot of us have things we'd like to get out there, admit, talk through with someone on the outside that will just listen...it's taking the step to do that that is the hard part.

I will keep reading along...

I find the listening easy, it is the opening up that is hard but very freeing at the same time.

I totally agree w/ you! As I was reading the first pages I was thinking that this TR really sounds like RigLee's...tons of details and emotions...really entertaining Well, Believer Dreams, bring it on!!! I definitely want to read more...

I am glad you will read on and I hope you will be pleased with the outcome. I also hope your comparison is not a bad thing. If indeed you liked her TR, than I am flattered.

 

[donac]

I understand your viewpoint and all I can say is that I see the world in words. I always have. Was in accelerated classes for writing and composition as far back as I can remember and often had teachers accuse me of having my parents write my papers or stories. I have always noticed the detail in things, events, people that others don't and that is possibly why our trip and where we got to in our lives made me so angry at myself. How can I be so proud of my dedication to cataloging detail and so naive not to see what I was bypassing without a second thought in my own marriage? I also promise you that the way Derrick is to me and others is one hundred percent real. He is a romance book character in many ways and that usually causes me problems with my friends. It is hard to have friendships with couples or women who have some disdain for you because of what you have and they do not. Men think he is the proverbial "whipped," when their wives ask them why they can't behave like he does. Women mock you when they get together and man bash and you have nothing to input. In fact my very oldest girl friend and I rarely see one another anymore because she has a husband who treats her like garbage and never wants to do anything with her and she turns to me to fill the roll he should play and when I cannot, she is jealous and angry.

We have not been together for 20 years but have long enough to know that when he felt like there may be no hope for us, I did not need to think at all to know what I wanted and that was him. I knew what he had wrote me was right and how could I punish him or be mad at him when it was me who had caused most of where we were at? I was not and am not proud of many of my choices leading up to that trip but I am glad I went and sometimes facing the worst mistakes you have made makes you appreciate your best choices even more.

The same can be said about my dh. On the morning of our 24th anniv I woke to 24 red roses and 24 balloons in my living room. There were 24 presents along the day. The last was Lenox box with "Happy 25th ANniv" on the top. Inside was a note "Will you marry me again next year?" When I tell that story to a group of women they all swoon. When I tell it in mixed company the guys look like they are about to gag. There are still men like that out there. They are few and far between.

Good luck. I can't wait to see how it turns out.

 

[JustAKid]

Fact or fiction, your story or someone elses, a person we' ve read before, or a stranger, adjective heavy and dramatic or nail biting entertainment - none of these seem to be the point. Just wanted you to know I get it, and that this TR is touching.

 

[I Believe In Magic]

This is a beautiful story so far and I can't wait to hear more! You are a gifted writer~

 

[IheartDDuck]

The update was amazing. I know what you mean about noticing the details in things. I do the same thing myself.

 

[hinodis]

You have barely begun and I must say this is beautifully written. I do not think this is fiction as I did think Riglee's was. I think you share something very rare with your husband. I can relate to it because I too am married to someone who loves me deeply and treats me like a queen. We have bee married for 23 years and we are still very much in love. Your DH sounds like mine, a very kind gentleman. I am looking forward to walking through this journey with you.

 

[Northern Disney Girl]

You are a very gifted writer! This is a wonderful story. I too am blessed with a wonderful, thoughtful, kind and generous man for a husband!

The part about the "two taps" is very similar to our "three taps" - one of us will tap the other 3 times ("I Love You") and the the other taps back 4 times ("I Love You Too")

Whatever the outcome of your story, I sincerely wish that you hold onto all is that is good about your life together and find peace and forgiveness for that which was not. Blessings to both of you!

 

[Believer Dreams]

We arrived at the seaside retreat that is the Boardwalk to find sunshine and only a slight wind. We have stayed at all levels of the hotel accommodations at Disney but there is something that just screams vacation about going deluxe to me. The atmosphere is created in part, by the dedication of the CM's from the moment you arrive to the last second you depart. Maybe it had to do with the circumstances surrounding this trip but I also was glad I did not have Pop's retro music blaring as the backdrop during many of the conversations we would be having poolside as the week progressed.

We waited patiently as the driver took our luggage from beneath the bus cavity, tipped him for his hard work and began to proceed up the walk to check in. The color palette is cool and comforting inside the resort and I always imagine what people who did go to ocean side retreats on the shores of the Atlantic in the 20's, thought of themselves. Were the women with long swim dresses and bathing caps contemplating their future a much as we tend to do or was the fact that marriage was a covenant you entered and did not ever intend to leave something that gave them a sense of responsibility and security at the same time? Was the dapper men, with their handlebar mustaches perfectly groomed and hair, waxed into place, happy to be committed to their wives and children or did they almost feel a sense of entitlement to wander since the majority of their spouses would never leave their side?

I mean women have came a long way in this society. From the right to vote to the ability to choose a corporate ladder to rise up versus a PTA board. There is many good things about those developments but I also think it has caused some ambiguity in role definitions within a marriage. Many of the friends and co-workers we see, fight every year over who has to take time off when the kids get sick if they both work. The other side of that coin is they argue over whether the wife can stop working and switch to a housewife/SAHM role because she wants to be there to raise her children but the lifestyle they have created, demands two incomes.

I think the money issue was a huge factor in my wanting to hold off having children. We wanted them and I knew we would always have at least two whether we were blessed to have them naturally or need to use fertility or adoption to achieve babies. That was the game plan at 24 when we married and now, at 33, closing in on 34, we still had none. Work had moved us around the countryside more than we had mapped out in our plotted itinerary of life and moving to higher pay scales meant more hours and showing diligence in areas of our life not involving the bedroom.

I had parents who were young when they had me and my twin brothers and I knew the devastation of being told that tonight's dinner would be a twist of yesterdays with a dash of potatoes thrown in to bulk it up a bit. It also uncannily resembled our menu from two nights ago but now had green vegetables already built in from last nights morphing. I was not devastated because we were starving and had no food on the table, I knew others had less than I and was grateful for that, but rather because the look my Mother had on her face was hard to miss. She was from an era that took pride in table presentation and being a great cook to an appreciative family meant the world to her.

Offering "Round 3," as they were famously known at my home, meant the term leftovers, had taken on a more significant role than the originally served meal had. That was hard for my Mom to accept with ease. It was never that her cooking was bad because it wasn't, it was just the fact she was limited to culinary masterpieces by what my Father was able to bring home and as a sheet metal worker, often laid off, we never knew what that would be. So when she would talk up what our stomachs would be filled with over the weekend and Friday came and Round 3 was awaiting us, even the candles and folded napkins she used to set a better ambiance, could not detract from the reality staring back at us from the plate.

My brothers and I were only two years apart and would often walk to nearby parks and baseball fields to collect pop and beer cans. Early mornings were the best to do this. Not only were the flies less bothersome but the noontime sun in summer, also meant kids would be out playing and then our can strategy was not as sly and covert. It was one thing having a huge bag of cans to take home and load up into the station wagon and take to the recycling center for DQ money or birthday presents for our parents. It was an entirely different reality to be humiliated by neighborhood children pointing and laughing at us while we walked away, garbage bags slung over our shoulders and the remainders of beer seeping out from the bag, onto our clothes.

My brothers would take out their anger when we did get caught by kids, in the garage, as they sledgehammered their way through Dr. Pepper and Budweiser cans. It was a useful therapy because not only did they get their frustrations out but they also made it even more exciting to weigh in. Condensed cans meant more money per bag and I always liked to play the low-ball trick on myself. We would guess how much money a bag would be worth and then the one who was closest would get $1.00 more by collecting 50 cents from each of the losers. I don't think I ever was the recipient of the extra buck because to me, getting to guess low meant I could surprise myself when it was more. My brothers always just assumed I was an idiot and bad judge of size and weight.

Last Christmas, we went out for drinks when we were all home. Just the three of us. While buying them a round when it was my turn, they brought up the fact we were drinking beer at all and pontificated on when it happened, that we went from hating the smell of beer, to looking forward to it? I reminded them of the cans and one brought up my never ending 50 cent decrease. I told them of my master plan, that lowering my bid meant I got to look forward to something good every week of summer and the table got very silent. I thought they would laugh. Instead, they looked like they had just found out that indeed, Santa was not up at the North pole after all.

So many years later and those memories still haunt me. When I pass recycling cans with the sticky, sweet, syrupy smell of rotting cola and fermenting beer, I remember not having what others had and what we as a family were willing to do to try and be equal. I hate that those memories have played against my confidence and psyche for so long. I detest the power I have given them over my life in the now because I can't let go of the then. I loathe even more that they have made me doubt myself on when I should have children. Simple things from a mostly happy childhood should not cause trauma in your adult life. Yet, here I stood, in line for a Disney vacation, checking into a beautiful hotel with a man who wants everything with me and does not ask for anything from me and I know without hesitation those damn cans are part of the reason I am not holding his hand.

Or those of a chubby fingered child, pulling my arm down, begging for a time frame of when we would finally get to see Mickey.

 

[Believer Dreams]

The same can be said about my dh. On the morning of our 24th anniv I woke to 24 red roses and 24 balloons in my living room. There were 24 presents along the day. The last was Lenox box with "Happy 25th ANniv" on the top. Inside was a note "Will you marry me again next year?" When I tell that story to a group of women they all swoon. When I tell it in mixed company the guys look like they are about to gag. There are still men like that out there. They are few and far between.

Good luck. I can't wait to see how it turns out.

How romantic your husband is! Thank you for sharing that story!

Fact or fiction, your story or someone elses, a person we' ve read before, or a stranger, adjective heavy and dramatic or nail biting entertainment - none of these seem to be the point. Just wanted you to know I get it, and that this TR is touching.

Thank you for saying what you said, exactly as you said it.

This is a beautiful story so far and I can't wait to hear more! You are a gifted writer~

Thanks for the faith in my writing.

The update was amazing. I know what you mean about noticing the details in things. I do the same thing myself.

Sometimes it is a curse because it is hard to focus being distracted by the details and not just looking at the big picture.

You have barely begun and I must say this is beautifully written. I do not think this is fiction as I did think Riglee's was. I think you share something very rare with your husband. I can relate to it because I too am married to someone who loves me deeply and treats me like a queen. We have bee married for 23 years and we are still very much in love. Your DH sounds like mine, a very kind gentleman. I am looking forward to walking through this journey with you.

There was a whole lot of arguing over the validity of her story for sure. I hope you have many more years together to appreciate each other.

You are a very gifted writer! This is a wonderful story. I too am blessed with a wonderful, thoughtful, kind and generous man for a husband!

The part about the "two taps" is very similar to our "three taps" - one of us will tap the other 3 times ("I Love You") and the the other taps back 4 times ("I Love You Too")

Whatever the outcome of your story, I sincerely wish that you hold onto all is that is good about your life together and find peace and forgiveness for that which was not. Blessings to both of you!

That is a neat twist on our taps. I can't wait to tell Derrick.

I will try and get more written later. I started to go on but it felt like the section I just wrote needed to be on it's own. Writing about check in and the room seemed out of place so I am sorry it was a short entry for you all who are so kind to be reading along. There might be pieces of this TR that are not very Disney centered and more like a therapy session. I am just writing it as it comes and know some of the background we each have experienced, might help someone relate better to our TR.