And It Has Happened AGAIN!

[Aliceacc]

Yes, they are in depth.

But kids are weird. They really compartmentalize their lives. They can recite, ver batim, the answers to that health exam. But they're not always good at realizing that those things they learned in class have a value beyond a grade-- that those issues and topics apply to THEM.

Heck, they have enough trouble understanding why I, as a math teacher, expect their written answers to show good grammar and spelling, because "This isn't English class." How very much harder it is to understand that the things they learn in Health are taught because they're meant to be internalized and applied to their own lives.

And they live in the moment, firmly convinced that everyone in the world is focused on their every mis-step

 

[Pea-n-Me]

^ This is true, but I was simply answering the question of why the subjects aren't taught in school.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think this is why we need to have open discussion at home with our kids about these types of subjects, even when they're difficult, or we don't think they necessarily "apply" to them.

There are certain things we KNOW as parents, because we've either BTDT ourselves or we have otherwise learned about things somewhere.

However, especially lately, I'm getting the sense that certain things aren't supposed to be discussed.

 

[Bluestars]

^ Those subjects are discussed in high school Health classes.

Then maybe something else needs to be done like peer groups to discuss issues, unless that is already being done too. There has got to be a way to get help for these kids. Teaching about depression and stress is not the same as dealing with these issues in an environment where the kids feel comfortable to seek help.

 

[Aliceacc]

I think that part of the problem is the idea that they're supposed to learn this stuff in school.

But the reality is that what we teach on these issues are best taught by someone with whom the kid has a real relationship. Someone the kid is comfortable confiding in. One on one, where their concerns can't be mocked or questioned by their peers. And, as much as all teachers love to think we make a connection with each of our kids, the reality is that it's not possible. I won't be every kid's favorite teacher. Not every kid will feel comfortable confiding in me, or will take my advice to heart.

These sort of discussions are vital-- but they need to take place at home, and be reinforced in school, not the other way around.

Particularly in the aftermath of an incident like this, parents need to have the conversations with their kids. Again, suicide is contagious. Kids see one kid who has committed suicide, and think that this kid is finally out of pain. And, in a moment of hurt, it can seem like a viable option. This is a time for every family in that community to have that conversation with their kids.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Then maybe something else needs to be done like peer groups to discuss issues, unless that is already being done too. There has got to be a way to get help for these kids. Teaching about depression and stress is not the same as dealing with these issues in an environment where the kids feel comfortable to seek help.

As I said above, I think it's a good subject for discussion at home, first and foremost. Then the school discussion serves as reinforcement of what kids already know. Not sure high school should be the first time teens should be hearing about it. There seems to be this thing that parents don't want to discuss certain subjects that are difficult unless somehow their kid is affected by it. (At least here.) We know that parents can be in denial about certain things, so maybe it's a vicious cycle. (An example being the teen I mentioned earlier in this thread who killed his ex-girlfriend and two of her male friends after a breakup. He'd bought a gun a week before that his parents knew about, and on his Instagram he posted a picture of it with three bullets next to it. Parents were quoted as saying they never thought he'd do anything like that, etc.)

Other options include pediatricians, who screen annually for depression, and counselors. If a teen is showing signs of depression (do we all, as parents, know what those signs are, even if our kids don't come to us to verbalize that they're depressed) we have the option of getting them help privately. How many people take these steps? Some communities take matters into their own hands when they've had a rash of suicides, such as the group in Australia, and even local communities. There are also national groups such as the Samaritans, suicide hotlines, etc. But when it comes to teens, sometimes it takes someone to nudge them towards help when we even think there might be a chance someone could be suicidal. So I think we have a lot of resources, but in order for them to be utilized, we, as adults, have to be paying close attention, too, and be willing to act, as well.

 

[Aliceacc]

As I said above, I think it's a good subject for discussion at home, first and foremost. Then the school discussion serves as reinforcement of what kids already know. Not sure high school should be the first time teens should be hearing about it. There seems to be this thing that parents don't want to discuss certain subjects that are difficult unless somehow their kid is affected by it. (At least here.) We know that parents can be in denial about certain things, so maybe it's a vicious cycle. (An example being the teen I mentioned earlier in this thread who killed his ex-girlfriend and two of her male friends after a breakup. He'd bought a gun a week before that his parents knew about, and on his Instagram he posted a picture of it with three bullets next to it. Parents were quoted as saying they never thought he'd do anything like that, etc.)

Other options include pediatricians, who screen annually for depression, and counselors. If a teen is showing signs of depression (do we all, as parents, know what those signs are, even if our kids don't come to us to verbalize that they're depressed) we have the option of getting them help privately. How many people take these steps? Some communities take matters into their own hands when they've had a rash of suicides, such as the group in Australia, and even local communities. There are also national groups such as the Samaritans, suicide hotlines, etc. But when it comes to teens, sometimes it takes someone to nudge them towards help when we even think there might be a chance someone could be suicidal. So I think we have a lot of resources, but in order for them to be utilized, we, as adults, have to be paying close attention, too, and be willing to act, as well.

I wish there was an option stronger than "like"

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I wish there was an option stronger than "like"

We essentially said the same thing! I was writing when you posted.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Then maybe something else needs to be done like peer groups to discuss issues, unless that is already being done too. There has got to be a way to get help for these kids. Teaching about depression and stress is not the same as dealing with these issues in an environment where the kids feel comfortable to seek help.

I think that part of the problem is the idea that they're supposed to learn this stuff in school.

But the reality is that what we teach on these issues are best taught by someone with whom the kid has a real relationship. Someone the kid is comfortable confiding in. One on one, where their concerns can't be mocked or questioned by their peers. And, as much as all teachers love to think we make a connection with each of our kids, the reality is that it's not possible. I won't be every kid's favorite teacher. Not every kid will feel comfortable confiding in me, or will take my advice to heart.

These sort of discussions are vital-- but they need to take place at home, and be reinforced in school, not the other way around.

Particularly in the aftermath of an incident like this, parents need to have the conversations with their kids. Again, suicide is contagious. Kids see one kid who has committed suicide, and think that this kid is finally out of pain. And, in a moment of hurt, it can seem like a viable option. This is a time for every family in that community to have that conversation with their teens.

I agree with both of you to an extent. Parents should discuss things like depression, suicide, etc. with their kids more than once. The reality is not all parents will. For those children, it's vital that someone does, whether that be at school, church, or an extracurricular activity. I can think of several reasons that school shouldn't be the only place where kids are spoken to about their mental health. It is better than a kid not hearing it at all.

All that said, a parent can do what most people would consider all they can & still not be able to get through to a depressed teens. It really needs to be a community effort.

 

[Mkrop]

We have had several young teen boys take their lives recently. All went to private expensive schools. Two killed themselves with guns. One jumped off a bridge in front of a bus of grade school kids. All of them said it was the pressure of school and life and what the future held. One was a very promising soccer star who did not like the limelight of being successful in his sport.

I talked to both of my boys when each occurred and told them that nothing in life was that overwhelming, a bad grade etc that we could not work through as a family. None of that ultimately mattered. And I pointed out the pain of those that were left behind like parents and siblings.

 

[luvsJack]

I think it is dangerous to propose that there is a parenting method or social way of being that makes ones kids impervious to the emotions that could lead them to suicide. Maybe it makes people feel safer.

And back to my earlier statement and statistic found on NAMI's website: Ninety percent of all people who die by suicide have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder at the time of their death.

So, it's most likely not just a breakup or bad parenting or teen dating or small family or mom working or Billy sits by himself at lunch. Rather, Underlying issues that make normal teen things seem unbearable.

As someone else said, we could never know why someone actually did it (all the reasons).

So my question is this: are more and more teens having psychological disorders?

 

[Dawnlight]

Our community lost a young girl, 15, to suicide this school year. It was awful and it still breaks my heart. One of my boys knew her and it was so painful to share the news of her death with him, bring him to the service in her memory, have these very difficult talks with him and my other kids about this devastating topic. I felt like the school and community as a whole supported one another in a very positive way to just a horrific loss of a young person.

We just lost another young woman, 18, last week. It's something we do, unfortunately, need to discuss with our children and to be proactive in handling mental health issues.

When I was in high school, there was this kid - wore raggedy clothes, smelled terrible. At the cafeteria, when all of the other kids ate in their cliques, this kid ate alone. He would eat kind-of hunched over his food, in order to keep other kids from stealing it or knocking it away from him. He would scarf down his food really quickly - so quickly that sometimes he'd gag or puke. Again - he did it so he could eat before the other kids knocked his food away or stole it.

Anyway, one day I was in the principal's office (I spent a lot of time in the principal's office in high school), and the principal was called away for this reason or that, and while he was gone I snuck a peek at the paperwork on his desk. It was the enrollment list, with the names of students whose enrollment status had changed up at the top. Two or three new students moved to the district, a couple moved out. But there was another name: that kid from the first paragraph. And the reason for his drop was listed as "deceased." That was it. No ceremony in the gym where everyone mourns him or whatever - just paperwork to be filed and forgotten about.

A couple of weeks later I was talking to the youth minister at my church about his job. He told me that he made a little money on the side by contracting with a local funeral home, doing funerals for children and teenagers whose families weren't attached to a church. He had done two such funerals in the past couple of weeks. One was a popular girl - a cheerleader, good grades, good family, the whole bit. The entire town turned up at her funeral, and there was a line of mourners down the block. She had committed suicide, and no one knew why.

The other was a younger boy, whose name I recognized. There were only two people at his funeral- his parents. He, too, had committed suicide. And I knew exactly why.

So incredibly sad.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I talked to both of my boys when each occurred and told them that nothing in life was that overwhelming, a bad grade etc that we could not work through as a family. None of that ultimately mattered. And I pointed out the pain of those that were left behind like parents and siblings.

This is good. I've done the same. They aren't easy discussions. And it almost feels as if you don't want to put ideas into their heads, or if we don't acknowledge it, maybe it won't happen to us, etc. But none of us are immune, and if we think we are, we're kidding ourselves. It can happen to anyone, even those we least expect it from. So I approached it like you did, and we talk often about how much they have to look forward to in their futures, etc.

Our community has been affected as well. Someone I know managed a store. A really great teen who worked there came in and confessed one day he'd been stealing things. I think he returned them, too. Then the next day he jumped in front of a train. The person I knew questioned whether he should've known. He didn't. But later he realized that one of the signs of an impending suicide is that a person is making amends. They may also give things away or say goodbye, and may even seem happy once their decision is made and a plan in place, etc. With social media today, there may even be signs online. Any signs should be taken seriously.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

So my question is this: are more and more teens having psychological disorders?

I don't want to answer for cornflkgrl, but will add my two cents.

I think we are living in trying times. Money is tight for many, if not most, of us. Tensions are running super high in our country, and around the world. Every day we read of ongoing horrors, and we realize that a lot of things are out of our control. Many teens have anxiety about these types of things, even if they don't discuss them much. Heck, they have "Code Blue" in school and practice hiding in closets in case of an active shooting situation. Additionally, there is pressure about grades, bullying, weight, health, social circles, college, college debt, etc. They see how expensive things are, and wonder if they'll ever be able to afford owning a home themselves or start a family, on top of all the other debt they'll have. I just talked on another thread about "Facebook Depression". Social media has been a mixed bag to Millenials. I'll have to take a look at actual statistics. I guess the question is, have these types of pressures always been there? I look at my parents who had some of the same ones, during the Depression and WWII. Today we could argue that perhaps things like guns are more available, but then we realize that suicides, unfortunately, have always occurred, and there are many other methods, besides guns, that people use to kill themselves: Carbon monoxide, pills, belts, poison, cars, trains, bridges, etc. I guess I'm sort of thinking out loud here, but when someone decides to kill themselves and makes an actual plan, it might be hard to stop them if that's really what they want to do. So, not sure if there are more psychological disorders today. We probably do "see" them more today via various types of media.

 

[PollyannaMom]

And they live in the moment, firmly convinced that everyone in the world is focused on their every mis-step

Unfortunately, in today's day and age, kids silly mistakes do follow them. Stupid photos and videos live on the internet forever. (I can't imagine the pressure.)

My own DS was convinced last year - by a lecture in school - that if he didn't get As in every subject, every semester, he wouldn't get into college. (Yes, I set him straight.)

I talked to both of my boys when each occurred and told them that nothing in life was that overwhelming, a bad grade etc that we could not work through as a family. None of that ultimately mattered. And I pointed out the pain of those that were left behind like parents and siblings.

This is so important! I expect kids considering suicide don't think much of themselves, but they may think a lot of others. I believe sometimes our society is almost too careful, because we want to avoid stigmatizing mental health issues, that we don't admit to also being very angry at the pain and fear that a suicide causes in the people left behind (not just family and friends, but the larger community as well).

I think it's OK to tell kids that killing anyone (themselves included) is just plain wrong. - Will it stop the ones with true psychosis, no, but I do think it might help the "permanent solution to a temporary problem" ones. (And I agree that we're dealing with both here.)

So my question is this: are more and more teens having psychological disorders?

I don't necessarily think there are more people with problems, but that there are fewer personal resources for handling them. Kids don't have time to think anymore - to figure out who they are and what's important to them. We keep them busy all the time and "fix" everything out of fear. Too many don't get to really talk with their parents (with no distractions) and most of them certainly don't get enough sleep. On top of that, somewhere it has been decided that all kids must be "book-smart", go to college, and live a certain life. I'm afraid kids don't feel like their is an alternative to the high-pressure path anymore.

 

[cornflkgrl]

So my question is this: are more and more teens having psychological disorders?

In my opinion no. We had 3 suicides involving students at my high school when I was in high school -- one on school property (not during school hours). I graduated in the 90s.

 

[Aliceacc]

I think the difference is that more people are aware of each incident because of the internet

 

[Poohforyou]

I do not believe teens should be allowed to date. Friendships with the opposite sex, in a group setting, is a very different situation than one on one dating and relationships. I think teens should focus on friendships, schools, faith life, future, with the teaching that opposite sex relationships are something for when you are ready to pursue marriage (ideally early 20s). Surely we can expect 16 year olds to wait 4 years till they're 20! Our culture has no sense of delayed gratification.

Yeah, look how good that's worked out for Josh and Anna duggar.

 

[luvsJack]

In my opinion no. We had 3 suicides involving students at my high school when I was in high school -- one on school property (not during school hours). I graduated in the 90s.

I graduated in 1981-we had none in the 4 years I was in school. Nor any at any of the surrounding schools. Its a rural area and small schools. Everyone knows each other and the kids at the different schools have always hung out together.

My sons graduated in 2000 and 2002. None during their years there.

There was one suicide about two years before my oldest started high school. The boy was being abused by his father.

Now from 2012-2014 there have been 4 in the area. And at least 3 attempted suicides at dd's school alone.

Something has definitely changed.

Maybe its more stress and pressure. I don't know. I can only look at dd and her friends as they ready themselves for college. No one is thinking of marriage or buying houses or seeming to worry about their future, quite the contrary.

I do see so many with such different relationships with parents. A young man who dd graduated with dated the same girl for two years. They broke up a few times and dd said he would be devastated. Then he would buy her some expensive gift, they would get back together. Once it was tires and rims for her car-when asked in class how he bought them, he said his parents bought them. Why would a parent do that? Isn't that telling him to get her back at all costs? And there are several that have allowed their child's bf/gf to move in with the family. Seems like undue pressure on the teen to keep the relationship.

There is more school pressure. More pressure to get in top schools, score high on the ACT, be involved, etc. I can see, for some, it could be too much.

I guess I am just rambling and thinking outloud sort of. I don't know the answers, but I wish someone did. Its all just so sad and unnecessary.

 

[cornflkgrl]

I don't know what to tell you. Suicide isn't new. If you yourself are stable and can handle it and really want more incite into the subject...watch the documentary The Bridge if you haven't seen it. I think it gives a very good understanding of where people are at and the frame of mind they are in. I don't recommend anyone watch it if they are feeling down.