Is this strange or is it just me?

[luvthemouse71]

Eons ago when I was 16 I also had a long-term boyfriend. His family invited me to spend a long weekend with them at their cottage. The invitation was extended to me and I was expected to speak with and get permission from my parents (which I did). I then reported back to them that I had said permission. As far as I know there was no communication between my parents and his re: the trip. It was up to me, the responsible teenager to get the appropriate permission and provide needed information to my parents. Obviously there were no plane tickets and such involved, but to be honest, if there were I don't think the dynamic would have been any different.

-SW

That's how it would have been for me too. All these people worrying that all this unbridled teenage sex will be happening on vacation, that can happen at home too, and probably far easier. Among my group of friends,the one who got pregnant in her teens was the one with the strictest parents. She never got to go anywhere, so boyfriend came to her. When there's a will, there's a way.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

For me it's not the fear of sex. It's more of the thought of what do kids have to look forward to anymore? At 15 you do not need to go on vacation with your boyfriend. That's something you can do as an adult. Not as a teenager on someone else's dime.

We were talking about this at work the other day regarding 8th grade graduations. These girls had gorgeous full faced professional makeup and 4 inch heels. What's the standard for high school graduation or prom?

IMO there needs to be levels in life.

 

[fitzperry]

Yes, your daughter knew. So, your first response should be with her. That is ultimately where the problem is. She planned right along with her BF's family for this trip and chose not to let on that she was planning a trip with them. I have teenage daughters and they wait until the last minute to let me know things all the time. The BF's family may have thought you already knew about the trip. You can decide to not let her go-that is exactly what I would do since she chose to leave you in the dark.

That's really assuming the worst. What motive would the daughter have had for keeping her parents in the dark? The op sounds pretty positive about the whole thing, other than wanting to have her approval sought before plane tix were purchased (which seems perfectly reasonable to me). I also don't think this qualifies as "waiting until the last minute." The trip is 5 months away. I certainly wouldn't jump to the conclusion that the daughter has done anything wrong here.

I also wouldn't be at all surprised if there's been a misunderstanding and they haven't bought the plane tix yet. Regardless, I wouldn't hesitate to contact the parents and suggest that you talk about the arrangements.

 

[hallie]

I find it crazy weird and there's no way my daughter would be going on a trip like that. But then again my daughter didn't date when she was 15 either, so not sure I can relate.

 

[Aurora0427]

Well, my DD (15) has been with the same boyfriend for almost 18 months and his family loves Disney. She's also been friends with his younger sister even longer. The family is quite well off (they own some national chain restaurants) and travel to Disney a couple of times a year. Unbeknownst to us, they invited our daughter to go to Disney December 31st-January 7th. They have already booked the flights and the rooms at the Contemporary. Now, we like this family and have no problem with her going (she'll get to go twice in 2 months as we're going in November!), but wouldn't you think they should have asked us prior to buying her an airline ticket? And we thought that once they knew she told us that they would call, but still no word. Would you call them or just continue waiting for them to call you?

I would call them. This is going to sound strange, but sometimes rich people just do things differently from the rest of us. They think differently. It may never have even occurred to them to call you, although as a parent I can't imagine why! People can just be weird!

My daughter is only 3, so I'm not going to give you parenting advice as to whether or not she should be allowed to go. That's not my place. I would just double check the sleeping arrangements and make sure no couples will be left alone in the room together. At age 15, that would freak me out as a parent.

 

[gtpoohbear]

I'm going to preface this by admitting that I'm a bit more "free-range" than most when it comes to parenting, but I don't see a big issue here.

15 is plenty old to travel with a BFs family. I was barely 16 when my parents sent me and my younger sister off on a 9 hour road trip by ourselves (to visit family, but this was before cell phones, lol!) Last year I let my 9-yo DD fly unaccompanied to visit a friend from camp, whose family I had never met.

As far as the communication, my guess is that it was something like them asking her if she thought she would be able to go, and she probably assured them that you would be fine with it. And they figured they would iron out the details later. I probably would have wanted solid confirmation before buying plane tickets, but they may have felt like they had something that qualified as permission based on what DD and her BF told them.

I would probably try to touch base with them at some point soon, but I wouldn't be offended at the order of events so far.

 

[OurBigTrip]

obviously don't fully know the background to your relationship with the family, but assuming that you all haven't traveled much together - i.e., done this sort of thing before - they definitely should have checked with you in my opinion. She is a minor and maybe you wouldn't have been ok with her traveling with her boyfriend (obviously not alone, but still)

I would definitely contact them, not in a hostile way or anything but just kinda mention that you heard about this and wanted to touch base, etc. and kinda surprised they didn't check with you to ensure she could go, etc.

I would call and say the above, minus what I bolded. That last part is pretty passive-aggressive, IMO.

 

[OurBigTrip]

I'm going to preface this by admitting that I'm a bit more "free-range" than most when it comes to parenting, but I don't see a big issue here.

15 is plenty old to travel with a BFs family. I was barely 16 when my parents sent me and my younger sister off on a 9 hour road trip by ourselves (to visit family, but this was before cell phones, lol!) Last year I let my 9-yo DD fly unaccompanied to visit a friend from camp, whose family I had never met.

As far as the communication, my guess is that it was something like them asking her if she thought she would be able to go, and she probably assured them that you would be fine with it. And they figured they would iron out the details later. I probably would have wanted solid confirmation before buying plane tickets, but they may have felt like they had something that qualified as permission based on what DD and her BF told them.

I would probably try to touch base with them at some point soon, but I wouldn't be offended at the order of events so far.

Same here, I just don't see it as that big a deal. I would verify details, including sleeping arrangements, and tell her to have a good time!

I'm also kind of surprised that anyone would be opposed to the DD and her BF spending time alone in the parks. It's not like they're toddlers.

 

[DaughteroftheKing]

We have invited a my son's friend to go with us on our trip. Before we booked flights, I called his mom and got permission first. I wanted to jump on the plane tickets while they were still cheap but did NOT want to pay for his and risk him not being able to go. (These boys are 11 yrs old)

After you get the trip straightened out, your next order of business should be figuring out how to stow yourself into your daughter's carry on. Disney or bust!

 

[Aurora0427]

I'm also kind of surprised that anyone would be opposed to the DD and her BF spending time alone in the parks. It's not like they're toddlers.

Did anyone post that they were opposed to the couple going to the parks alone? I posted about not leaving them together in a hotel room, but that's it.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I think it is very strange that anyone thought it was okay to invite your minor daughter to come on vacation with them without speaking with you, add on to that it's over a holiday week and includes a boyfriend.

 

[PetePanMan]

Why did your daughter not just discuss with you first? was she not aware of what they were doing?

 

[ErinsMommy]

I wonder if DD told the BFs parents it's ok with you and never bothered to actually ask you -- maybe thinking you would've said no??

 

[boltfan]

Yes, your daughter knew. So, your first response should be with her. That is ultimately where the problem is. She planned right along with her BF's family for this trip and chose not to let on that she was planning a trip with them. I have teenage daughters and they wait until the last minute to let me know things all the time. The BF's family may have thought you already knew about the trip.

You can decide to not let her go-that is exactly what I would do since she chose to leave you in the dark.

No, she didn't know until this past week, when they did the booking while she was over there for her BF's birthday. She came home that night and told me. She is a very responsible girl, getting straight A's in school, is the first chair violin in orchestra, plays two varsity sports and volunteers at the local shelter. I trust my daughter completely and that is why we are letting her go. The BF's family does treat her like part of their family, taking her to the eldest brother's college to visit, shopping at the mall, and inviting her to all of their family celebrations. I do not appreciate you lumping my daughter in with how other teenagers behave. I do plan on speaking with the BF's dad this weekend when he drops him off on Sunday and I'm sure he'll give me all of the details then.

 

[Tinkermommy]

I think it is very strange that anyone thought it was okay to invite your minor daughter to come on vacation with them without speaking with you, add on to that it's over a holiday week and includes a boyfriend.

I am with you.

I will go further and say that the parents should have called you first before they even spoke to the daughter about it. If she couldn't go then that would have been these end of it. Otherwise, if you say no then the parents are put in a bad position. Saying no makes them the bad guy.

I also agree with a prior poster that going on a vacation with your boyfriend is for when you are an adult. And for me sex isn't the issue here. I think it adds a level of seriousness to a relationship and that it's something to look forward when you are an adult.

I also don't like how the BF's parents are coupling up the kids on a vacation. I am fine with bringing friends along. But taking young teens on a couples trip is weird to me.

 

[2girlsmomma]

Well, my DD (15) has been with the same boyfriend for almost 18 months and his family loves Disney. She's also been friends with his younger sister even longer. The family is quite well off (they own some national chain restaurants) and travel to Disney a couple of times a year. Unbeknownst to us, they invited our daughter to go to Disney December 31st-January 7th. They have already booked the flights and the rooms at the Contemporary. Now, we like this family and have no problem with her going (she'll get to go twice in 2 months as we're going in November!), but wouldn't you think they should have asked us prior to buying her an airline ticket? And we thought that once they knew she told us that they would call, but still no word. Would you call them or just continue waiting for them to call you?

I would think the ticket is probably fairly refundable and they figured it was far enough out that it wasn't a big deal to call you about until details needed figuring out. And that if you didn't want her to go, she would relay that info.
I think maybe it's just a difference of "magnitude". Taking a trip isn't a big deal to them like it is to some of us. I have a friend that plans a Disney trip for the next week. She has the money and freedom to do that.

 

[mimomlile]

OP-Agreed! Although we have always been somewhat strict, I always thought that we didn't need to be. Our DD (my step daughter) always made good decisions and we let her take care of most things herself. She was not the "typical teenager". Right now she is Spain doing a study abroad program. She has a four year full ride merit scholarship and even though she knew her dad and I would pay for whatever the balance was for her $9000 trip (after cashing in some tuition credits), she still spent her free time applying for additional scholarships. We only ended up paying for her plane ticket. We couldn't ask for a better daughter.

I don't know where all of these posts came from; pointing the finger at your daughter. I guess some people can't imagine how great some of these kids can be, without knowing one first.

 

[Laineysmom]

I do not appreciate you lumping my daughter in with how other teenagers behave. I do plan on speaking with the BF's dad this weekend when he drops him off on Sunday and I'm sure he'll give me all of the details then.

The problem is you didn't state all of these facts in your initial post and since people don't know your daughter like you do, they gave their opinion based off of their experiences which is kind of what you asked for. You first said she just told you about this making it sound like she had known for a while. I'm not criticizing you, just pointing out that the facts were not clear. Since she told you the night it was booked, I'm willing to bet they told her to ask you. Personally, I agree with the poster that said they should've talked to you before mentioning it to her. However, it sounds like she had gone on shorter trips with them in the past so maybe that is why they didn't think it would be a problem to go ahead and book. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't be waiting until such and such to talk to them, I'd be on the phone asking them about this. I would definitely say something to them like you are grateful that they are generously including her and she can go but if there is a next time, please ask your first. Whether they meant to or not, it was very presumptuous and had it been me, I would seriously consider saying no simply because of how this handled.

 

[disneymagicgirl]

That's how it would have been for me too. All these people worrying that all this unbridled teenage sex will be happening on vacation, that can happen at home too, and probably far easier. Among my group of friends,the one who got pregnant in her teens was the one with the strictest parents. She never got to go anywhere, so boyfriend came to her. When there's a will, there's a way.

Haha, that was me. The strictest parents but I had my DD at 18. Luckily, I turned out a responsible adult. Having a baby does that to you.

No way would I have been able to go with a BF, not would I let my now 15 yr old DD...until at least college.

 

[maiapapaya]

Since she told you the night it was booked, I'm willing to bet they told her to ask you. Personally, I agree with the poster that said they should've talked to you before mentioning it to her. However, it sounds like she had gone on shorter trips with them in the past so maybe that is why they didn't think it would be a problem to go ahead and book. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't be waiting until such and such to talk to them, I'd be on the phone asking them about this. I would definitely say something to them like you are grateful that they are generously including her and she can go but if there is a next time, please ask your first. Whether they meant to or not, it was very presumptuous and had it been me, I would seriously consider saying no simply because of how this handled.

I agree with this poster, that you should have been consulted before it was even mentioned to your daughter. Regardless of whether she's done weekend trips with them before this one is a much bigger, more expensive trip. Besides being terribly presumptuous on the BF's parent's part it also puts you in a terrible position if for what ever reason you might have wanted to say no.

I also agree, with a few posters who mentioned another "strange" thing about this scenario is that the parents are planning a big expensive trip, 6 months out for their 15 year old children to bring their respective "partners" with them (you said the sister had only been dating her BF for a few months). With my kids if they were in in mid-high school and they wanted to bring friends it would be buddies, not their BF or GF. It just seems to be putting a lot of seriousness on these kids' relationships (and I'm not necessarily talking about sex). At that age a lot can happen in six months. I know by virtue of it being WDW it does require advance planning, but maybe that's why what they've chosen to do is not the best idea. I know your DD has been dating the son for quite a while, but that is not the case with the other "couple". I wouldn't be planning such an extravagant trip for dating 15 year olds, especially who've only been dating for a few months.