Is this strange or is it just me?

[boltfan]

Well, my DD (15) has been with the same boyfriend for almost 18 months and his family loves Disney. She's also been friends with his younger sister even longer. The family is quite well off (they own some national chain restaurants) and travel to Disney a couple of times a year. Unbeknownst to us, they invited our daughter to go to Disney December 31st-January 7th. They have already booked the flights and the rooms at the Contemporary. Now, we like this family and have no problem with her going (she'll get to go twice in 2 months as we're going in November!), but wouldn't you think they should have asked us prior to buying her an airline ticket? And we thought that once they knew she told us that they would call, but still no word. Would you call them or just continue waiting for them to call you?

 

[TheMaxRebo]

obviously don't fully know the background to your relationship with the family, but assuming that you all haven't traveled much together - i.e., done this sort of thing before - they definitely should have checked with you in my opinion. She is a minor and maybe you wouldn't have been ok with her traveling with her boyfriend (obviously not alone, but still)

I would definitely contact them, not in a hostile way or anything but just kinda mention that you heard about this and wanted to touch base, etc. and kinda surprised they didn't check with you to ensure she could go, etc.

 

[cruising spud]

No, you are not strange.

Yes, I would call and inquire about the trip (and the sleeping arrangements).

 

[PSUGuy]

A bit presumptuous, I wouldn't bring someone along in that manner, but in your shoes I wouldn't make it a deal breaker. It would seem you and yours have had a relationship with various members of that family for more than a year and a half, let her take the free vacation.

Bill From PA

 

[ucfknight]

It certainly is not strange of you to think this is strange.

 

[maiapapaya]

While quite generous IMHO, also quite presumptuous. They absolutely should have called before booking the flight. And the fact that you have still heard nothing from them about this would annoy me. At this point they don't have your permission to take your daughter, and no one has discussed some very important issues such as sleeping arrangements (ie who is in what room, not that I'm insinuating they would allow anything between your DD and her BF) or supervision, etc. They are planning, and apparently have already put money out to fly your minor daughter away on a week long vacation and have said nothing about it to you. I agree with the pp and would call them and say this is what we have heard and would like to verify exactly what they are proposing. I would also add, not necessarily in a adversarial way that you would have appreciated some discussion before they assumed your daughter could go and spent money on the ticket (this scenario just kind of rubs me the wrong way because years ago my step-daughter, who lived in a different town, had a boy friend who's family seemed to think she was their daughter and would act accordingly, like just plan stuff with her without discussing with her mother or us, just assuming they could do whatever they wanted with her etc).

 

[Starwind]

Eons ago when I was 16 I also had a long-term boyfriend. His family invited me to spend a long weekend with them at their cottage. The invitation was extended to me and I was expected to speak with and get permission from my parents (which I did). I then reported back to them that I had said permission. As far as I know there was no communication between my parents and his re: the trip. It was up to me, the responsible teenager to get the appropriate permission and provide needed information to my parents. Obviously there were no plane tickets and such involved, but to be honest, if there were I don't think the dynamic would have been any different.

-SW

 

[boltfan]

We have known the family for years (both daughters traveling back and forth between houses for sleepovers long before the older brother even thought about my daughter as a GF) and their daughter has gone on overnights to hotels nearby for my DD's birthday, but never for more than a couple of nights. My DD says that they've gotten two rooms, one for boys and one for girls, where the dad stays with the boys and the mom with the girls. I guess they've even invited the daughter's BF and they've only been together a couple of months! They have mentioned taking her a couple of times before, but we've never actually discussed it and we rarely see them except at school functions. I guess the next time he comes over one of us will have to catch the mom or dad and talk to them about it.

I'm really excited for her (and jealous) that she gets to stay at CR...and in a Magic Kingdom view room! Hopefully we get everything worked out and they don't break up before December!

 

[bumbershoot]

Eons ago when I was 16 I also had a long-term boyfriend. His family invited me to spend a long weekend with them at their cottage. The invitation was extended to me and I was expected to speak with and get permission from my parents (which I did). I then reported back to them that I had said permission. As far as I know there was no communication between my parents and his re: the trip. It was up to me, the responsible teenager to get the appropriate permission and provide needed information to my parents. Obviously there were no plane tickets and such involved, but to be honest, if there were I don't think the dynamic would have been any different.

-SW

So all either set of parents had to go on was the word of a 16 year old? You could have made up the whole trip when talking to your parents, and you could have made up permission to his.

When I was 16 that would not have been OK with my mom, though she was always weighing things against the fact that she was married at 17. And it woudn't be at all OK with me, thinking ahead to when my son is 16.



OP I'm glad you're OK with it. I wouldn't be. And a 15 year old having been dating a boy for 18 months...hyperventilating at that one! I had my first date at 16! Worked out well for me. (for my mom, too, since it helped me not follow her in early marriage-land, though the reason she had was just to get out of her parents' house)

 

[lovin'fl]

DS-17 wants to bring his GF with us in Aug 2015. I asked the GF and she says she'd like to go but will need to get approval from her parents. I would NEVER book airfare until I talked to the parents and got the go ahead. We will book the room since we are DVC and will get a 2BR no matter what...and I need to book that in about 6 weeks. We might just drive, but before we buy her park hoppers or airfare (if we do fly) I will get a firm approval from her parents and will wait as long as possible to make sure they are still together. And they will both be 18.5 by the time of the trip.

OP, I wonder what they would have done if you said no??? Odd.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

If you were going to let her go anyway I wouldn't say anything to them.

At 15 dating a boy for 18 months. And being allowed to go on vacation alone with him. I had to reread that twice because I initially thought they bought the ticket and were upset because you told them she couldn't go.

 

[mimomlile]

Perhaps they do expect your daughter to be the go between and just plan on discussing arrangements with you as a formality right before leaving.

You did mention that they were very well off so perhaps they feel they got a good enough deal on flights that they were willing to take the chance that your daughter could go. They may have just jumped on a deal they saw before they had a chance to discuss. Or knowing the cost of transferring the ticket to another friend in the instance she was not allowed to go was well within what they are willing to take on. They also could have miles that were about to expire and figured why not. You just never know. Try not to take it personally.

 

[mercydisney]

I would call the BF's parents and explain to them that your daughter has mentioned the trip to you and you just wanted an itinerary.

 

[amberama76]

My husband wont even let our 20 year old daughter bring her boyfriend on a weekend camping trip with us and they've been going out for 3 years.

 

[nuzmom]

It is not "just you", but this situation is very strange!!!

Let me get this right - it will be the mom and dad, son and your daughter, daughter and her boyfriend.... so, 3 "couples"???

Vacation begins on New Year's Eve? If they think it's ok to book airfare and assume you'd be fine with your daughter going, will they also assume you're fine with her drinking, too (in the room, perhaps)? Going off in the parks alone with their son?

I can only think of 3 things that could have happened...
1) parents didn't ask your permission. Totally not ok in my book.
2) daughter knew, but didn't tell you, and presumably told them it would be ok
3) you've misunderstood and tickets aren't purchased yet

I would call ASAP. (but my DH and I would never permit this. Although, our rules for having girlfriends/boyfriends are different than yours.) You really don't know the "plan" and your DD is ONLY 15!!! You are still responsible for her and NEED to know these plans.

 

[larryz]

We have known the family for years (both daughters traveling back and forth between houses for sleepovers long before the older brother even thought about my daughter as a GF) and their daughter has gone on overnights to hotels nearby for my DD's birthday, but never for more than a couple of nights. My DD says that they've gotten two rooms, one for boys and one for girls, where the dad stays with the boys and the mom with the girls. I guess they've even invited the daughter's BF and they've only been together a couple of months! They have mentioned taking her a couple of times before, but we've never actually discussed it and we rarely see them except at school functions. I guess the next time he comes over one of us will have to catch the mom or dad and talk to them about it.

I'm really excited for her (and jealous) that she gets to stay at CR...and in a Magic Kingdom view room! Hopefully we get everything worked out and they don't break up before December!

So, it seems to me they're interpreting your DD's close relationship with their son(s) and daughter as license to treat her like one of the family. This apparently rubs you the wrong way.

Suggest you throw a barbeque and discuss it over dinner.

It is very generous of them to invite your daughter; naturally, you'll want to work out the details (tickets, liability, long-term employment prospects managing one of their restaurants, etc).

 

[karen4546]

Yes, your daughter knew. So, your first response should be with her. That is ultimately where the problem is. She planned right along with her BF's family for this trip and chose not to let on that she was planning a trip with them. I have teenage daughters and they wait until the last minute to let me know things all the time. The BF's family may have thought you already knew about the trip.

You can decide to not let her go-that is exactly what I would do since she chose to leave you in the dark.

 

[wdwfan]

Well, my DD (15) has been with the same boyfriend for almost 18 months and his family loves Disney. She's also been friends with his younger sister even longer. The family is quite well off (they own some national chain restaurants) and travel to Disney a couple of times a year. Unbeknownst to us, they invited our daughter to go to Disney December 31st-January 7th. They have already booked the flights and the rooms at the Contemporary. Now, we like this family and have no problem with her going (she'll get to go twice in 2 months as we're going in November!), but wouldn't you think they should have asked us prior to buying her an airline ticket? And we thought that once they knew she told us that they would call, but still no word. Would you call them or just continue waiting for them to call you?

We're bringing my son's friend with us. After I told my son he could ask his friend, he did, and then I followed it up with contacting the boy's mother.

 

[kumimama]

Eons ago when I was 16 I also had a long-term boyfriend. His family invited me to spend a long weekend with them at their cottage. The invitation was extended to me and I was expected to speak with and get permission from my parents (which I did). I then reported back to them that I had said permission. As far as I know there was no communication between my parents and his re: the trip. It was up to me, the responsible teenager to get the appropriate permission and provide needed information to my parents. Obviously there were no plane tickets and such involved, but to be honest, if there were I don't think the dynamic would have been any different.

-SW

It would have been the same thing in my family. She is 15 if there are things you expect from her, you should discuss it with her.

 

[DisneyFan13US]

I would just talk to them. My first thought is that since you said they were well off, maybe they just bought the tickets and included your daughter in the off chance she can go and have no problem eating the cost if she can't.