Remember me quoting that line from Magnum Force, "A man's got to know his own limitations?" Well, I was at it again.
People say the dumbest things sometimes, especially after a couple of drinks. Unfortunately, I had to do in earshot of a few other women.
We had stopped for a couple of beers, and Diane was saying how much she had to do before the family comes over on monday. Baking cookies was one of them. And like an idiot, I offered to do it.
I have never baked a cookie in my life, never saw the need to when you can just buy them in a store. But, I offered.
When Diane got done picking up her jaw, she said, "Surely you jest, right?"
Then I thought about it , and couldn't believe I said that out loud, but now it's too late.
"No really, I'll try it, and don't call me Shirley."
Hey, I"m talkiing cookie dough rolls here, that's homemade enough. Then Diane and another woman started giving me some tips about baking them. Then, apparently I said something so funny, they were rolling in the aisles.
"Ok, how do you know when it's time to flip them?"
Finally, they were done laughing.
"Um, I'm gonna guess that cookies don't get flipped, right?"
Well, I made two rolls of them, and it turned out something like this:
Well, that's what I was expecting, anyway, but they didn't turn out too badly.
Meanwhile, in a warmer, southern place that we all love so dearly, strange things are going on. But hold that thought.
I brought up something in the last chapter, and then I forgot all about and never got back to it. I mentioned how some of the bus rides can be very entertaining, especially the ones from Magic Kingdom.
I got the crap beat out of me one night on the way back to the resort.
By a TWO YEAR OLD!
It happened like this:
On thursday morning, we were down to our last two days there, yes, we're still talking about the may trip, geesh. And we were in commando mode for EE at MK. THis is sometimes my favorite time in the park.
Hit Buzz, over to Pooh, Snow White, Peter Pan's Flight, and IASW. Have a quick smoke and be at the Liberty Square rope drop when the rest of the park opens at nine. Then on to BTMR, Splash, Jungle Cruise, HM and Philharmagic.
Around now, we take a break and go back to the resort, then we return for stuff we missed and Stressfulmagic and Wishes.
It was on the final return trip, that we got on a bus, and ended up all the way in the back. I'm sure you've noticed that there are now a few different types of busses running there now. This particular one had mostly "side" facing seats, with a back row that sat 5.
Once all the seats were taken, this one guy refused to go back any further than the rear door, making others squeeze past him so more can get on the bus. Diane ended up sitting in seat two of the five, with a whining two year old in the middle seat next to her. In seat four is killer's mom and dad is in seat five on the end.
Just before the lights went out, Killer was starting to cry, so mom picked him up and held him, now opening up seat 3. Since there were just a couple of guys standing by me, and since I'm old and feeble, I sat down when Smidgy pointed to it.
Big mistake!
With Killer stretched out on mom's lap, we had'nt even left the parking lot when, "WHAM!" A cute little saddle shoe kicked out and caught me on the chin.
I made an involuntary grunt, and "mom" figured out what happened and said, "Sorry."
Apparently, she had now used up her "sorry" quota, cuz that was the last time she cared.
Back in my corner, they gave me smelling salts and told me to shake it off, then the bell rang and I came out for round two.
But this kid was a kickboxer, I didn't stand a chance.
And he's got total darkness on his side.
One kick caught the side of my head, another only in the shoulder.
I felt like I was in a "Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots" game.
Then, I swear, I'm the only one that heard it;
"AIEEEEEE", I think he did a spin move, but the heel of his shoe got me right iin the nose. With that I leapt up, threw in the white fanny pack, and grabbed onto a pole before I fell down.
I was seeing stars and actually wondering if my nose was bleeding.
And I'm pretty sure someone heard me when I muttered, "Nebos wobble but they don't fall down", but they were staying away from me.
I did however go up to the guy who wouldn't move to the back and pointed out that there's a seat just for him but he wasn't buying any of it.
I love the bus rides!
Something else that was a little weird that day, when we went back on our park break, we just stayed at the pool right outside our room. And we had forgotten to hang the "do not distoib" sign on the door, which we do often cuz I get tired of turning down the bed and having to leave money for them every day.
So, I see a woman cleaning our room as we're about twenty feet away in loungers. When she was done, we were also, and we tried to get back inside, but , nope.
My key wouldn't work. Neither did Diane's.
So I went up to the woman who is now two doors away, and asked her where she put "our" door. This of course was met with a blank look, so I had to explain that since she just used her skeleton key, now ours won't work.
And naturally, when we all get back to the door, she has to try our keys, cuz you know she's sure we just aren't smart enough to do it right.
She couldn't get them to work either, and now neither will her skeleton key.
SO she goes and get's another worker, who of course, also has to try the keys. He then goes and gets yet another employee, wash, rinse, repeat.
THis cast member has a cell phone though, and soon we are waiting for SWAT to arrive.
WHen She and her cohort arrived, it really looked like a SWAT team outside our door. But she's got electrodes hooked up to the lock, and is running our cards through a lap top with a swiper in it. Finally, she's got the door open, hands us back our cards, and they are all breaking up and returning to duty now. Then it ocurred to me, and I had to say it.
"See, I told you we can break into any room using this stunt!"
Diane knew immediately what I was talking about, how they never once asked for an ID, and she started laughing, the remaining SWAT team member who was just starting to walk away after packing up stopped and said,
"You ARE joking, right?"
"Hey, I'm standing here in just a bathing suit, how much can I steal, there's no wher to put anything. "
With that, she smiled and turned away.
"At least until I get this guys pants and jacket on."
And I closed the door.
Oh heck, here's that crappy picture my lovely Smidgy took of me that day when I wasn't looking.
And with that sorry sight, I will wish you all adiou. Have a safe a joyous holiday, and remember the true reason most poeple arn't going to work monday and tuesday, and it's not to watch football games. hugs
One thing I noticed in the pictures is Diane never seems to leave home without her Sunny D bottle.
Maybe she could become their pitch lady
