Your thoughts on Jack & Jill gifts?

[maslex]

I know I've read about baby showers, bridal showers, weddings, birthdays, etc. on here but I have a question on a Jack & Jill party.


I've never actually been to one but I've heard many different sides of the story on the gift situation.

1--The price of the tickets are $15pp or $25per couple. My DH and I would spend the $25. So I've heard that the price of the tickets are the couples "gift" since all the money (or atleast most of it goes to them)

2--I've also heard that you should buy the tickets but also either get them a gift for their house or put some $$$ in a card. And then do the same again when the wedding comes.

But here's the thing. First, it's my cousin's daughter that is getting married. And they are getting married in the Florida Keys this December (we are in CT) so we won't be attending the wedding but there was some talk about them having a reception type party next summer for anyone who wasn't able to make it to the wedding.

So what would you do? Just buy the tickets and some raffle tickets at the party (which all goes to the couple also) or buy the tickets and also a gift? I've never come across this situatin before. TIA

 

[kdfogliano]

I am confused...
Jack and Jill parties here are free, the only difference from a shower is that men are invited also
You have to buy a ticket to go to what is essentially a shower? Would love to see the wording on the invite!!!

Well, if that is the case, deduct the price of the ticket from whatever you would have spent on a gift and fill in the rest with a gift or money

 

[maslex]

I am confused...
Jack and Jill parties here are free, the only difference from a shower is that men are invited also
You have to buy a ticket to go to what is essentially a shower? Would love to see the wording on the invite!!!

Well, if that is the case, deduct the price of the ticket from whatever you would have spent on a gift and fill in the rest with a gift or money

Around these parts it's pretty customary to pay for tickets to attend a Jack/Jill. I personally have never been to one but I always see them advertised in a local paper (and it's normally $15pp or $25 per couple---sometimes more but this is average)

Usually around here Jack/Jill's are kind of like a shower & a small reception. Usually a buffet of sorts, some music, dancing, cash bar, basket raffles, maybe some games. I've seen them held at banquet halls, restaurants, VFW type places and this one that I'm talking about is being held at a local bar. So I'm not sure if the money that is made from the tickets helps pay for all of this and then the rest is given to the couple? I'm just unsure of whether or not to get a gift on top of the $$$ spent on tickets.

 

[mickeywho?]

Here - the norm is to pay the ticket price and then expect to spend more on the raffles/games etc. That is considered the gift to the bride and groom. Jack & Jill parties are generally done in place of a bachelor party and/or shower so plan on spending what you normally would have spent on a shower gift.
As for the wedding, wait until you hear what the plans are and then decide. Hold off on the gift until the reception if you will be attending the one close to you. If not, a card with a cheque/gift card is totally appreciated.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Umm, what? I've never heard of this type of party, I would not buy tickets to attend or buy raffle tickets there. Please people, pay for your own parties.

 

[kdfogliano]

Around these parts it's pretty customary to pay for tickets to attend a Jack/Jill. I personally have never been to one but I always see them advertised in a local paper (and it's normally $15pp or $25 per couple---sometimes more but this is average)

Usually around here Jack/Jill's are kind of like a shower & a small reception. Usually a buffet of sorts, some music, dancing, cash bar, basket raffles, maybe some games. I've seen them held at banquet halls, restaurants, VFW type places and this one that I'm talking about is being held at a local bar. So I'm not sure if the money that is made from the tickets helps pay for all of this and then the rest is given to the couple? I'm just unsure of whether or not to get a gift on top of the $$$ spent on tickets.

interesting!
I would buy a gift off the registry if you were planning on spending more than the ticket price and raffles.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Sounds like a fundraiser.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I have no idea what a Jack & Jill party is. Does it have to do with ice cream?

 

[bballmom56]

I also have never heard of buying tickets or having raffles. And they advertise these in the paper????? I have heard of Jack and Jills but it was just like a shower for both members of the couple.

 

[Scurvy]

There are two different kinds of Jack and Jill parties. One is a shower that includes men and women, but is otherwise the same as most other showers. The other is the kind people sell tickets to. From what I've seen on other boards, they can be quite elaborate. People are expected to buy tickets and the profits are used toward the wedding or honeymoon expenses. Sometimes the price of admission includes the raffle, other times there are additional tickets sold for the raffle. Often, tickets are sold to people who don't even know the bride and groom. They also often have cash bars with inflated prices and the bride and groom pocket those profits as well. I know it's apparently accepted in some areas, but I find it incredibly tacky. I wouldn't go to one, but if I did I certainly would not take any kind of gift, since it's not a hosted party - it's just a fundraiser.

I've even heard of people asking local businesses to sponsor the Jack and Jill Fundraisers by donating things for the raffle, I guess in exchange for publicity at the party. I can't imagine asking a business for something like that - I'd be embarrassed to be that tacky. I find it just appalling.

 

[marlynnp]

I'd send a card and $50 after the wedding.

 

[JVL1018]

I also have never heard of buying tickets or having raffles. And they advertise these in the paper????? I have heard of Jack and Jills but it was just like a shower for both members of the couple.

Me too!
What the..? I am speechless!

 

[C.Ann]

There are two different kinds of Jack and Jill parties. One is a shower that includes men and women, but is otherwise the same as most other showers.

The other is the kind people sell tickets to. From what I've seen on other boards, they can be quite elaborate. People are expected to buy tickets and the profits are used toward the wedding or honeymoon expenses. Sometimes the price of admission includes the raffle, other times there are additional tickets sold for the raffle. Often, tickets are sold to people who don't even know the bride and groom. They also often have cash bars with inflated prices and the bride and groom pocket those profits as well. I know it's apparently accepted in some areas, but I find it incredibly tacky. I wouldn't go to one, but if I did I certainly would not take any kind of gift, since it's not a hosted party - it's just a fundraiser.

I've even heard of people asking local businesses to sponsor the Jack and Jill Fundraisers by donating things for the raffle, I guess in exchange for publicity at the party. I can't imagine asking a business for something like that - I'd be embarrassed to be that tacky. I find it just appalling.

The first one you mentioned I have attended - a Jack & Jill shower - where gifts are brought that will also be helpful to a man setting up a household/garage/yard..

But the second????? I could never host something like that - or worse yet, be the recipient of such an event.. That's as close to begging other people to pay for your wedding and/or honeymoon as one can possibly get..

 

[NMAmy]

Huh, I guess I learned something new once again courtesy of the DIS. I've never heard of such a thing nor do I think I'd ever attend or throw one.

What the heck is the purpose of advertising in the paper? Do random strangers really go to these parties, as well?

 

[jrmasm]

Huh, I guess I learned something new once again courtesy of the DIS. I've never heard of such a thing nor do I think I'd ever attend or throw one.

What the heck is the purpose of advertising in the paper? Do random strangers really go to these parties, as well?

Count me as another that read this and said 'huh?' My next thought was 'how gross!!!!'

I only participate in fundraisers for charity so I'd send a gift from the registry for the wedding and skip this ridiculousness.

 

[kimblebee]

LOL I've been to sooo many of these parties. They are called socials where I come from and it is a Winnipeg thing. Even towns 1 hour away don't know what they are. They are HUGE here. It is basically a party to raise money for the bride and groom for their wedding/honeymoon.

They are held approx. 3-4 months before the wedding and there are tickets. The standard is $10 and believe me, if someone is charging $12 they will hear about it. The wedding party is usually responsibe for selling the tickets. The social is held in a hall or community club so it's not unusual to have 200 people at the social.

You don't have to know the people to go to the social. It is a lot of word of mouth so you end up going to friends of friends socials or coworkers of relatives socials.

There is a DJ who plays music all night long. Usually no one dances until after the bride and groom do their first dance. Then the floor opens up to everyone.

You buy drink tickets and silent auction tickets. I don't know how much drink tickets are but approx $2.50 a piece I would guess. Silent auction tickets are usually 25 for $10. There is a lot of pressure to have good social prizes LOL It is customary to ask businesses to supply prizes for free. There are also grand prizes which are usually $2 for 1 ticket. The grand prize could be a bbq or big screen TV or something similar.

It usually runs from 8pm-2am with the after party usually going all night at someones house. There is usually a buffet at some point in the night with rye bread and cheeses and meats supplied. No one EVER thinks it's tacky to pay to go or to buy drinks and silent auction tickets. You do not bring a gift though. That is for the wedding or shower. This is more like a big party.

Like I said, these are a Winnipeg thing and I'm sure 85% of the population has been to at least one in their lifetime. It is coming up to social season as they are usually in the winter. Hopefully I can get a good stash of prizes this year LOL

My sister will probably be getting engaged in the next few months so you are all cordially invited to her social.

 

[kiddo76]

Umm, what? I've never heard of this type of party, I would not buy tickets to attend or buy raffle tickets there. Please people, pay for your own parties.

They are somewhat common where I grew up in MA, but mostly among younger couples who like to party. It is usually the bridal party that throws the Jack and Jill. I've also heard them called Stag and Does or Joint Parties. I think they were originally an off shoot of a bachelor party or 'stag party'. Instead of guys paying in money for strippers or 'stag films', people buy tickets for a dj and food. They can be pretty wild parties.

I've been to ones for friends and relatives, as well as a few for people I didn't know very well. It's just a good time with friends. The cost of the ticket was usually cheaper the the cover charge for a night club, but with food included. I've never brought a gift to this type of Jack and Jill. There's usually a 50/50 raffle and door prizes (usually mostly booze).

While I've had fun at these types of Jack and Jills, when it was my turn to get married, I didn't want one. By that time, I was over the whole party scene and didn't really to be involved in that. So they threw us a joint shower instead. Smaller, quieter, less emphasis on drinking and everyone brought gifts instead of buying tickets.

 

[wendy46001]

Umm, what? I've never heard of this type of party, I would not buy tickets to attend or buy raffle tickets there. Please people, pay for your own parties.

Add me to the Umm what group
I totally agree with the bold
if you dont want to (or cant) pay for your party dont have one

 

[barkley]

i once had a co-worker from another country where "showers" associated with weddings were only held as a last resort when there was a female in the family who was SO undesireable as a marriage candidate that the family had to raise elaborate dowry's to "sweeten the deal" for a prospective groom.

i remember how embarrased he was for a co-worker when an in-office bridal shower was announced. he honestly thought there must have been some deep horrific underlying issue about her that her family would actualy "shame" themselves by resorting to publicly share in the workplace that their dd had to have a bridal shower.

i can't imagine his reaction to these jack and jill's with the newspaper ads and buisness contributions. i'm sure he would be questioning why if both the bride and groom were so undesirable the families had'nt just looked to the marriage as a joint means to 'cut their losses' and waived the dowery entirely

 

[kiddo76]

Add me to the Umm what group
I totally agree with the bold
if you dont want to (or cant) pay for your party dont have one

It's not about not wanting or being unable to pay for your own party, it's just a regional thing. People were disappointed that I didn't have a Jack and Jill. It's just something that becomes expected when you get married where I grew up. Just because it's not what you are used to, doesn't make it wrong. If the people throwing the party and the people attending the party have no issues with it, why would you?