Who pays for what if an extended family member is invited?

[Barbruka]

I am probably going to invite my Mom to come with us for our trip planned for October 2003. I know it's along way off, but it's never to early to plan. How do I handle finances? She will be 77 at the time, and in fairly good health. She hasn't been to WDW since 1974 with us kids as teenagers. I know she will love it, as she loves going to amusement parks with us. She has always wanted to see Epcot!

Now do I pay for everything since I'm inviting her, or say just resort and food? She is not rich, but not poor either. I was thinking of having her pay air and park tickets. What do you think?

With her coming there will be five of us. Two younger sons who will be 10 and 14, and dh and myself. For any grandmas out there, did you feel comfortable sharing a room with daughter's family, or would I be better getting two moderate rooms instead of a deluxe room that sleeps five? She loves my family and we love her, so we get along fine.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I would go with 2 rooms at a moderate. It depends on the family, but I know that my Mom would need her own room or everybody would be miserable after the 2nd day. Also consider that most elderly people have completely different sleeping patterns than young boys. My Mom is in bed by 9:00pm every night, and up at 4:30am. Plus - 5 people sharing one bathroom every morning for an extended period of time is a huge hassle.

If she can pay for the air and park tickets herself, I think that is more than fair.

 

[Disneydenise]

I would gofor the 2 rooms just to have the extra bathroom too. I think that if she gets the airfare and the park pass that is fair, I would spring for it if you could as a gift. She is your mom and if she put up with you and still loved you through the teen years I think that is worth alot more than the pass and the airfare but that is just my opinion.

 

[momemouse]

You might also try HIFS. We were going to stay there with my in-laws in Dec. at $69. per night seniors rate (until we got the $25 Marriott deal). The discount is bigger the older the senior.

 

[DeeP]

I would definitely get 2 rooms. We have had my Dad with us several times in a Studio at BWV which is larger than a deluxe room and it was too close for comfort, plus 5 people using one bathroom takes a lot of time in the morning when you are rushing to get going.
As far as what you should pay for.....I always pay for everything when my Dad joins us. Of course, he lives in Florida so I do not have to pay airfare.

 

[ennazus]

I would say that whatever you decide upon, just make sure it is crystal clear very early on, so that there is no misunderstandings. Enjoy!!

 

[disneefamily]

Disnee Dad Says................................................................... Two rooms at a moderate, preferably Dixie Landings. It's now called Port Orleans Riverside, which I find very funny, because they have closed Port Orleans! Let mom pay for air and tickets, and you cover the rest.

 

[ellyn2000]

I'm about to take my mom for the 3rd time to WDW. The first two times I paid for the resort/air and she took care of her own food and other expenses. This time I told her we were going and she was invited and gave her the price for her trip. She was happy to pay her way and I even helped her "separate" her spending money into envelopes for things like PS meals, etc. so she'll have an easier time budgeting when we get there. Having your mom pay for just part of her expenses is very fair. I would go for the 2 rooms, though. You may even have an opportunity to have the kids stay with her one night for a night out with your husband. Have a wonderful trip.

 

[ncbyrne]

I'm a grandma, and in May I'm going to WDW with my daughter and her family. This is our second Disney trip together; both times at their request. Last time we stayed onsite and I stayed with them in their room. It was ok, but a little cramped. This time we're staying offsite at the Country Inn and Suites, in a two room suite. I will pay my own way. I've already purchased my own plane ticket and will also pay for my own Annual Pass (I am going again with my DH in Sept). I'm chipping in for half of the cost of the suite as well as half of the Dollar rental van. We will eat mostly counter service, but for the times when we eat a sit down meal, I will pay only for my own meal, and sometimes I even ask for a separate check to make it easier.
My best advice is to make sure you have discussed all the details of your trip in advance. Let your mother know your planned itinerary so there are no surprises. I let my DD know that they don't have to 'babysit' Grandma. Although we usually stay together in the parks, I am free to go on my own, as are they. On our last trip, I spent a lot more time in Epcot's WS than they did. We just picked a time and meeting spot. And I went to see Illiminations twice - once alone. I also volunteered to babysit, which they took advantage of one evening for a nice meal together alone. (I suspected that that was one of the reasons they asked me to tag along, so I volunteered before they could ask...
I'm sure with a little extra planning, a trip to WDW with Grandma will be one of the best vacation memories you and Grandma will ever have.

 

[pomcoach]

I think the comments from the Grandmother above is probably the best authority on this subject. But I'm the type that likes to join in the conversation, so here's our situation. My husband and I are taking our own 2 daughters, ages 13 and 21. College Boyfriend is a wonderful young man, and since our college girl and boyfriend can't stand to be separated for more than 3 days, we're taking the boyfriend too. We know college kids have no money, so everything is our treat, air fare and all.
We got our rooms through Priceline for $25 each at a lovely hotel, The Renaissance World Gate, offsite and not far from the Animal Kingdom. Priceline has really helped us. Since the cost for the hotel rooms was so low, we got 3 rooms, 1 for Mom and Dad, 1 for the girls to share, and 1 for College Boyfriend. We hope that he'll offer to pay for a dinner or something once. I guess he's around so much, we already think of him as family.
Priceline isn't for everyone. You can get some super deals, but you have to be sure to study up on all the rules. I learned from a website called www.biddingfortravel.com
I guess I feel if we save enough, we will have saved the cost of taking the extra person along. Have a wonderful trip! I hope someone thinks enough of me to invite me along when I'm a Grandma! It's wonderful that you're inviting your Mom!
Pomcoach

 

[kel3420]

My mother usually joins our family every couple of years for a vacation. Every situation has worked out a little different. When we went to the bahamas, we paid for two connecting rooms and all airfare. She insisted on paying for her own meals, which created a bit of a problem, when for example, we wanted to do a "nice" meal, and she thought it was too expensive. Next time we do a trip like that we will get a prepaid meal plan, and have her give us whatever she thinks is appropriate.

When she joins us at Disney, we have in the past gotten either two rooms, or a two bedroom suite with a full kitchen, which cuts down on meals expenses. She pays for her airfare to Florida, since it is usually not too expensive. We have paid for park passes, I don't even think she realizes how much they cost or she would not go. She has made comments that she loves to go with us, but it gets too expensive, so we just hide alot from her

I love for her to join us, as does my husband and we all have a great time, except when it comes to eating. She just doesn't get it sometimes, that on vacation, meals tend to more expensive. What is really nice is the bonding time she gets with my kids, her getting to go places she never would be able to normally, but most of all, since her and I are early risers, I love to sit on the balcony with her and share a morning cup of coffee in the beautiful weather and talk about our days plans, especially when there is a water view.

Now that we have joined DVC, it will much easier to convince her to come, since it is all prepaid for and we can now get a two bedroom suite on property.

I think it would probably be easier on everyone if she would just let us pay for everything, and take us out for a meal while on vacation. That way, everyone would be happy.

As for as sleeping arrangements. WHenever she has joined us, she shares a room with my oldest daughter and doesn't mind that at all. It gives us another bathroom, which is desperatly needed, lol.

 

[Magic2000]

Last Nov/Dec, we planned a long weekend at WDW to see the Christmas decorations. DH was not able to get away, so my mom came with us (me, DDs 14 & 5). DDs & I already had our APs, so my mom bought her own 4 day pass (even though we'd only be there for 3 full days, she wanted to be able to park hop with us). She paid for her own airfare, and we split the cost of the towncar and the room 50-50. She bought her own ticket for MVMCP and paid for her own dinner for the Candlelight Processional. I treated her to lunch one day at the Grand Floridian Cafe, and she treated us one day. We talked about everything before we left and we had a WONDERFUL time. Even though DH is able to come this Nov/Dec, we asked my mom to come along again (but she couldn't make it this time). I would suggest having a pizza party or something and just plan the trip together - and talk about who pays for what.

 

[Lori of the Lodge]

DH and I just got back from a week at WDW with my parents. We paid for the accomodations (2 rooms, 7 nights) and they paid for the park tickets (4 5-day park hoppers and 4 2-day Universal Escape passes).

If you do the numbers it worked out where we paid for aproximately 65% of the trip and they paid 35%. We each paid for our own meals. Everyone was happy.

 

[Mom B]

It's fairly obvious here that the bottom line is, do whatever works
for you and your family. Since we are talking close family units
here, it's not like you're taking "guests" or business contacts...
you're family! I guess you work things out like you do everything
else. There doesn't seem to be any "musts" or precise etiquette
rules here...heck, even the old rules for weddings on "who pays
for what" don't apply much anymore, so why sweat it? Do
what works for you!

That being said, we've done the WDW thing with our own kids
with my mom, our own kids with his mom, sisters, and their
families, and on our own. We've always paid for most of our
own kids' expenses, although as they've gotten older they take
over more of the responsibilities. Now that two of them are
married, we'll help out as we can. (They're all getting park passes
for Christmas this year; we'll help with air fare if we can; we're
getting really good rates thru vacation club point rental for the
rooms, so they can manage those on their own; and we'll take
them all to the Hoop de Doo Revue or such for a "group"
meal.) In all cases, though, the grandparents (and others) have
paid their own way. If money were no object, we'd be thrilled
to pay for them as a gift, but it ain't gonna happen unless we
win the lottery! One grandma has a retirement account
allocated exclusively for her travel expenses, so she can manage
on her own quite nicely; the other grandparents usually have
enough casino winnings to cover their trip as well. As far as I'm
concerned, the rest of the relatives are on their own!

 

[Barbruka]

Kel3420--I think you made a really good point about her buying her meals. Knowing my mom, she would probably just order a salad because of the prices or insist we just eat counter service. We will definitely pay food, because we like to eat at a lot of nice restaurants, and she would not want to, so she could save.

Thanks for all the great comments so far. You've given me a lot to think about.

 

[m&m's mom]

We just got back last week and it was our 4th trip w/ my DH, 2 YODD, 5YODD, and my DM and DMiL.
I invite the Grandmothers because although not rich they would never plan a trip like this themselves but they both LOVE to see the Granddaughters have a wonderful time.
Because I invite them and because we have more financial resources than either of our Mothers we pay for everything and I give them each $200.00 for souvenirs I know again they would never buy themselves. They both have really enjoyed spending their souvenir money on buying cute, silly things to keep at their house they know the girls love.
I have always gotten away w/ paying for everything because I tell them we need their help w/ the kids. Really we just want them to enjoy the time w/ us.
We also are very lucky that both of our mothers are single and very compatible. They even call each other now and coordinate what they pack, Too Funny! We get connecting rooms every time (I say they are feeble and can't stay w/out supervision) and we keep the door open between our rooms and we all just make free reign of the place. VERY handy!
Maybe a good solution would be to offer to pay and then maybe your Mother could pick a special meal/event to treat your family to.
Take lots of pictures! When your Mother is not able to travel anymore (hopefully in many, many years) the pictures and memories will be priceless!
Have a wonderful time! I think it is so nice to see so many multi-generational families there.

 

[nancycels1953]

we took my mom w/us this summer when we went....
we had a two bedrm condo w/a pull out couch... the girls got the couch every other night, the other night they shared w/gm(there were two double beds in the room)
for food, we all brought some stuff w/us, bought some breakfast necessities, coffee, fruit,
and a few nights we ate dinner in. One night we took her out to a very fancy restaurant, one night to a middle price range restaurant, one one night we took my daughter to chef mickeys for a character dinner and we bought. mom took us out for lunch at the parks. She only stayed 5 days of our 10 day
vacation which made it nice... time for us alone, time for company. It took a day for us to
adjust to a bit slower pace than we usually do, and for her to adjust to the heat but all was
well, and we had a ball. It was her first time at dis and sw! she really enjoyed it!