Proximity to the parks we love and that matters to us. End of story. Maybe it's because neither of us grew up in lower-middle-class households. I didn't fly for a family vacation until I was 14, and it was a huge deal. We stayed off site at a local hotel (because we got rooms at the employee rate) and packed snacks into the park. My husband and I have no kids, love going to Disney, and every decision we make that involves not spending money is one that we make because we prefer the outcome, not because we want to spare the spending. Anything that better fits the definition of carefree vacation gets put in the budget and we figure out how to best make it happen.
For us, we want to be able to "pop over to Epcot" for some food and wine enjoyment, because that's what we're there for. It seems as though we're on the "Odd year" plan for visiting, which suits me just fine. We've stayed at CBR for our first trip, and the bus system drove us nuts. It took forever to get anywhere. When you fly across the country to spend time somewhere, you want it all to be intentional and relaxing. Sitting at a bus stop or in a queue or on a bus is not relaxing, and it is a waste of our time and vacation energy.
Two years later, we "splurged on a Deluxe" and our honeymoon was spent at the Boardwalk. It was amazing to have that proximity. When we discussed the upcoming trip, he hates planning, but I asked him for his top three priorities in terms of spend for the budget - and he didn't even pause before he said "Walking to Epcot." His next two mentions were of his favourite restaurants. Last time he started with restaurants.
Last time we spent a total of $500 on food in six days, including tips, which included three signature meals and as much as we wanted and more at F&W, thanks to carefully considering what we wanted to do and how we wanted to do it - and then realizing that we'd stumbled into
Free Dining accidentally. This time, by using a
travel agent, we were able to capture some significant savings on the room, and what we're paying is very reasonable over the cost of a moderate, and we're still going to enjoy every last bite of amazing food. Three days more is going to cost us less than our last trip overall.
OP, you were right. Spend is spend, and what is spent one place cannot be spent in another. The key, for us, is to ask that key question of each person going - "What are your top three most-wants out of your vacation?" Then we do our best to find a way to make as many of those work as possible while meeting the family needs (naps in the afternoon, etc) and find the deals that make us sense, instead of making our vacation about whatever we could find a deal on.
If it's more time in the parks, then being closer to the park they want to spend the most time in makes a deluxe make sense - start shopping for a great rate and keep your eye peeled for a Unique Offer Code. If it's steak for every meal, then the Deluxe Dining Plan becomes something that's worth considering into the budget and maybe you're looking for Free Dining to help reduce that cost. If it's resort amenities, then look for the ones you want and find a deal on it.
I knew one person who stayed at the CBR but flew first class to get there, because flying was something she hated so much - that was literally how she spent the extras-budget.
You and your family relax in your own ways, and your vacation should promote that for all, not inhibit it. If spending more money on the hotel gives you more heartburn with less return than being on a bus for at least two hours per day, then that's up to you. You do you!
