Wedding Thread: How Much To Gift?

[Elizakapeka]

We are in Chicago and usually give $200-$400 considering cost of venue and how close we are to the bride/groom.

 

[jrmasm]

$200

 

[Karin1984]

$100 if it is a very good friend.

Many questions:

What is the average income in your circle of friends? If you are all making millions of dollars each year, yeah, why not give $1,000.
It is more interesting to know what other friends and family give, than strangers on the internet.

What are you willing to spend, what do you think is reasonable? You think $1,000 and a bottle of champagne is not enough, why do you think this?

Do you think your friend will be disappointed if the gift is not expensive enough?
Do you know what the friend expects? Has she mentioned she expects a minimum spend.
What would she give if the roles were reversed?

What do you spend on your friends at a birthday or a baby shower? Do you spend this much on your family members?

 

[lovesmurfs]

We just attended a destination wedding in Guadalajara last weekend for one of my employees - she's worked as my admin for the past 7 years (recently promoted to another department). Between flights and hotel, I'm thinking we spent about $1,500. We gave $250 because it felt "right."

...reading this thread, I'm wondering if we were being cheap. I would have certainly given more if we didn't physically go there.

 

[Karin1984]

reading this thread, I'm wondering if we were being cheap.

I am being cheap. I am Dutch and therefore stingy by nature but I also think that friendship shouldn't be measured by the monetary value of a gift.

If a guest is already spending thousands of dollars to be there, that is proof enough how much the friendship is worth, if you want to put a price tag on it.

Now that I think of it... don't think i gave my brother anything when he married 2 years ago.. I was his witness, walked him with my mom down the aisle, helped decorating, I was there the entire weekend. I probably thought that was more than enough.

 

[QueenIsabella]

https://www.beauporthotel.com/ It seemed like there were several weddings that weekend, but besides ocean front ceremonies the weddings had privacy. Everything was great, it was very apparent that weddings are their thing, the timing of everything was amazing.

That looks lovely! I would consider staying there, if I was in Gloucester for a whale watch. In fact, maybe I'll suggest that to DD, as a weekend getaway for her and her fiance.

 

[tvguy]

$100 if it is a very good friend.

Many questions:

What is the average income in your circle of friends? If you are all making millions of dollars each year, yeah, why not give $1,000.
It is more interesting to know what other friends and family give, than strangers on the internet.

But even if you, what are you willing to spend, what do you think is reasonable? You think $1,000 and a bottle of champagne is not enough, why do you think this?

Do you think your friend will be disappointed if the gift is not expensive enough?
Do you know what the friend expects? Has she mentioned she expects a minimum spend.
What would she give if the roles were reversed?

What do you spend on your friends at a birthday or a baby shower? Do you spend this much on your family members?

That is about the most I would expect from an individual. Not uncommon here for groups such as co-workers to pool their money to buy a bigger item or raise the cash total.
We gave our son and daughter in law $1,500 towards their honeymoon, on top of the Groom's Parents expected items like paying for the rehearsal dinner and flowers. That ran over $10,000, but a tiny cost compared to what my daughter in laws parents spent.

 

[mjkacmom]

That looks lovely! I would consider staying there, if I was in Gloucester for a whale watch. In fact, maybe I'll suggest that to DD, as a weekend getaway for her and her fiance.

It was an easy drive from Boston, we spent a night there visiting dd23 and picking up some of her stuff since she sublets in the summer. Made an expensive hotel booking mistake, couldn’t find my reservations at one place so I made another one - at another hotel with a similar name, non refundable. I then realized my mixup and called the original one and yes I did have a reservation. I had to cancel that one. My daughter was impressed with the hotel, for a $1000 a night it should be nice.

 

[cabanafrau]

I’ve never seen an actual gift given at a wedding, just a receptacle for cards. Last shower I went to was gift free, every gift was sent directly to the couple.

Generally the physical gifts I've seen given at weddings are sentimental ones -- family heirlooms, special family photos, very especially handmade quilts or handmade lace tablecloths, etc. I'm able to list them because they're specially displayed on a gift table, unwrapped, usually with fancy bow, sometimes with special gift card/letter on display from grandparent, great aunt so and so, etc.

 

[mjkacmom]

Generally the physical gifts I've seen given at weddings are sentimental ones -- family heirlooms, special family photos, very especially handmade quilts or handmade lace tablecloths, etc. I'm able to list them because they're specially displayed on a gift table, unwrapped, usually with fancy bow, sometimes with special gift card/letter on display from grandparent, great aunt so and so, etc.

We do y have gift tables set up, so I guess there could be actual gifts that were mailed.

 

[HopperFan]

DD got married in late 2020, we paid for the whole thing. I have no idea what they got as gifts so it really didn't matter if guests "covered their plate". Any of her guests who traveled she expected no gift, them being there was enough.

I'm really just here for the responses and keeping my fingers crossed I'm not invited to any more weddings.

We just attended a destination wedding in Guadalajara last weekend for one of my employees - she's worked as my admin for the past 7 years (recently promoted to another department). Between flights and hotel, I'm thinking we spent about $1,500. We gave $250 because it felt "right."

...reading this thread, I'm wondering if we were being cheap. I would have certainly given more if we didn't physically go there.

Saw a post where Bride & Groom included on their website where you RSVP they told guests that their meal was going to cost B&G $128 per person so to take that into consideration when gifting them. My reply would be to include all my costs in attending ... vacation day, hotel, airfare/car expenses, bought meals, new outfits needed, maybe babysitters ........... and then we see who owes who. If you are hosting a destination wedding, or have guests who travel from afar ... you should expect NO gift as they already spending plenty. You were very generous!

 

[MICKIMINI]

Our son and DIL live in the Houston area in a fancy subdivision. They are high income professionals. They would have considered receiving $1000 at their wedding an exceptional gift from a friend! We co hosted their wedding with them and DIL's parents in a three day multi function event which we split. Most guests were from out of state and international. Our son and DIL felt their presence was a gift. Gifts were not the focus at all.

Their friend circle around TX and in the northeast are mostly highly paid professionals. That being said, the bachelorette and bachelor parties in different parts of the country, destination weddings etc are a major cost these days. Even high earners find these weddings a huge expense as they are sometimes invited to one or more each year. You can only slice the pie so many times.

If you feel $1000 is affordable, what a wonderful gift! If it is a stretch, $300-500 is certainly acceptable given your many other expenses. Decades ago, cash gifts seemed to be a way to help the "young" couple get a start in life. Today, most couples I know are in their late 20's and early 30's, educated and well into their careers. A gift IMO is something thoughtful but not meant to help a couple financially. Being present and participating at the event is much more meaningful.

Enjoy!

 

[Tink-osophy]

Saw a post where Bride & Groom included on their website where you RSVP they told guests that their meal was going to cost B&G $128 per person so to take that into consideration when gifting them. My reply would be to include all my costs in attending ... vacation day, hotel, airfare/car expenses, bought meals, new outfits needed, maybe babysitters ........... and then we see who owes who. If you are hosting a destination wedding, or have guests who travel from afar ... you should expect NO gift as they already spending plenty. You were very generous!

Well said. The whole thing has gone way OTT!

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

Gave $1000 to my brother and SIL. $500 usually to close cousins or close friends. I think you can cut it in half and still be well on the side of generous. But if you want to give $1000 then you surely can! Grew up on Long Island. Live in Philly.

 

[AustinTink]

We used to do $100 per person attending the event, so the 3 of us would equal $300 for our gift. Now it’s usually just DH and I attending and we do $250 for friends, $500 for relatives and closer friends.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

The weddings I went to as a kid and younger adult involved gifts that were made. Furniture, clothing, household items were all standard gifts for the new couple. I never saw money given as a gift for a wedding.

And that sounds lovely. But you have to acknowledge you grew up in a different community than most of us. Those gifts were appropriate for your community culture. I think that comment requires some context for people who aren’t long time Disers and don’t know your background.

 

[TippyThomas]

And that sounds lovely. But you have to acknowledge you grew up in a different community than most of us. Those gifts were appropriate for your community culture. I think that comment requires some context for people who aren’t long time Disers and don’t know your background.

I agree, but it I didn't want to continue to bring it up because I never know if someone might think "dang, we know it already".

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

I agree, but it I didn't want to continue to bring it up because I never know if someone might think "dang, we know it already".

I think for these types of threads it’s important. But hey my opinion is worth less than 2 cents.

You know I think you’re great and I wasn’t in any way trying to be rude or anything remotely like that. I feel like we all include more info on these ones because it’s all so regional (I know everyone hates that term!)

 

[Dan Murphy]

One of my close friends is getting married at the end of July. We grew up together, but now she lives in a different state so we don't see each other as often. I am a MOH in her wedding, have gone on several wedding events (bach in Nashville, wedding dress shopping, venue hunting, etc). I wanted to see what the "average" for a wedding gift is in different areas. I was planning on maybe $1,000 from myself and my husband with a bottle of nice champagne we purchased in France on our trip about 2 years ago but not sure if that is on point or too small? I figure the $$$$ I've spent to be there (about $2200 including flights, food, hotels, shopping, dress, etc) has to count for something, but I don't want to cheap out on the gift. Besides myself, she is the second in our group of friends to get married so haven't had much experience with knowing what is just right.

Curious to know the average around different geographic areas. For reference, she is just outside of Houston in a suburb called Hunters Creek. It's in a bit more of a "southern uppity" area than where we're at (Los Altos) if that makes a difference lol

Well, what do you think so far?

 

[NannyBeBe]

When my daughter got married, we were fortunate to have dear friends who were skilled at baking and crafting. One made the cake and another made all of the flowers. Those were their gifts to the couple. We still talk about how wonderful those gifts were to the wedding, much more than any amount of money. Your gift of $1,000 is very generous.