Thank you notes after a funeral...

[antmaril]

My father died in 2002 and my mother died in 1982. In both cases, we sent thank you cards to anyone who came to the funeral home or the funeral, sent flowers, mass cards, etc. I did not send thank you cards to people who sent us sympathy cards. I know when I send a sympathy card, I do not expect to receive a thank you note.

 

[Kasmir]

With my FIl we sent cards to those that gave flowers, cards, gifts, mass cards etc.

Yes, it is just a piece of paper but it let's people know how much you appreciate their kindness and thoughts at a time like that.

 

[Beth76]

I'm sorry I just don't get this. Thank you notes for attending the wake or funeral? I certainly don't expect someone to thank me for attending a funeral. Do you all feel you need to be thanked for attending a funeral? I can understand if someone sent food or did something really special. But, even flowers, I wouldn't expect anything. Yes, it's nice to be acknowledged, but come on. It's not about you. If someone's in mourning I hardly feel we need to place this expectation on them.

 

[janette]

I did the Thank you's for my FIL's service. I printed them and my MIL sent them out. I just got some nice paper at the office supply and used this poem. My MIL had the poem from somewhere.

Perhaps you sent a lovely card
Or sat quietly in a chair or pew.
Perhaps you spoke the kindest word
As any friend could say.
Perhaps you were not there at all
Just thought of us that day.
Perhaps you sent some food
Or supported us in your own way.
Perhaps you offered a mass,
Or said some precious prayers
For the repose of the soul
Of our beloved _____________.
Whatever you did to console us all,
We thank you all so much.
May God bless you always.

 

[Missy1961]

When my mom died, we sent thank you cards to the people who sent us flowers, or food, or donated to the hopsice. Since most of the people who came to the wake and/or funeral gave us something, they got a note. We each wrote the thank yous to the people we knew, and helped my dad with the others, so he wouldn't be overwhelmed.

 

[thelittlemermaid]

When my mom passed away, we sent cards to anyone who brought food, donated to our church, or sent flowers. We used basic cards we got through the funeral home. We hand signed all of them "The family of my mom." Karen

I did the samething as Karen did when my mom passed away. But for the ones who went way out and beyond for my dad and myself, I bought special cards from Hallmark for those people. At the time my mom passed away I lived in another town {about 50 miles away}. I stayed with my dad during the whole process of having to pick everything out, making arrangements, etc. This was 3 months after DD was born and I had her staying with us also. Figured she would be a good excuse for my dad to have to sit down and try to relax instead of pacing around the house. Anyways during that time not once did I have to make breakfast, lunch, or supper cause of the food certain people brought to the house. I had an aunt and uncle that brought breakfast, then another aunt and uncle the brought lunch. Then the ones who brought lunch to the house also took us out to eat for supper.

 

[MidgeD79]

When my son died I did not send out any thank-you cards. It was all I could do to get dressed, impossible to pick-up a pen and sign my name. When I was able to physically I couldn't go through all his funeral "stuff" emotionally. Don't sweat it.

 

[Bracho]

I have alwasy sent Thank You cards out when a member of our family has passed. For me it lets those who cared enough to be there how much we cared that they took the time...

 

[casey49781]

when my mom passed away almost 3 years ago,,i sent thank yous to the people who brought stuff,flowers,,,,mass cards,,,food,,ect,,,the hospice nurse for taking care of her ,,,,,then since i live in a small town i posted a piece in the weekly paper thanking all that came ,,sent cards,,,stopped over,,food ect,,,,that way all is covered and its a start on the healing process,,,,,

 

[JerseyJanice]

When my niece died, we sent thank you notes to everyone who send a Mass card, flowers, food or made donations in her name.

Close to 1,000 people came to her wake. Every teacher, principal, vice prinicipal she ever had plus dozens and dozens of kids--children she went to school with and friends of her brothers. Her mom (my sister-in-law) is an RN at a nursing home and nearly employee there came to the wake or funeral.

It would have been impossible to acknowledge the kindess of all of these people who came to pay respects. We would have like to, but just getting addresses for them alone would have been a monumental task.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

When my father and MIL died years ago we sent thank you to those that sent flowers( no other items like food were given).

 

[Cindy B]

I took the thank you card job when my MIL passed on.

My MIL asked for donations to a animal refuge center. So to keep track of who donated in my MIL's name I asked for a list of names (addresses too) of people who donated to the shelter from the shelter owner.

We got an itemized list and then sent accordingly. I never saw the guest list book after the funeral, but I asked accordingly fro whoever was to get cards.

I was sending cards out for about two months. The shelter was amazed at teh financial support that year.

I even sent thank you letters to the kennel that boarded her dogs while she was hospitalized. (they refused payment from us after they heard she died). We sent a donation to the shelter in the kennels name for thier kindness.

My MIL had friends in the West Indies so I even sent cards to the West Indies!

 

[goofy4tink]

I did the Thank you's for my FIL's service. I printed them and my MIL sent them out. I just got some nice paper at the office supply and used this poem. My MIL had the poem from somewhere.

Perhaps you sent a lovely card
Or sat quietly in a chair or pew.
Perhaps you spoke the kindest word
As any friend could say.
Perhaps you were not there at all
Just thought of us that day.
Perhaps you sent some food
Or supported us in your own way.
Perhaps you offered a mass,
Or said some precious prayers
For the repose of the soul
Of our beloved _____________.
Whatever you did to console us all,
We thank you all so much.
May God bless you always.

This was the poem we used for my mother's thank-you notes after her passing two years ago. We sent them out to people who sent flowers, food, donations in her memory. We did not sent cards to those who attended the funeral or calling hours. I thanked those people in person.
I did just get a thank-you note from the family of a recently deceased person in our church. The family 'thanked me for all my help in putting together the collation." Only problem is, I had nothing to do with it!! I did handle everything for the service itself though. It was nice to know that they did appreciate the thought and work that go into putting something like that together.

 

[zakatak]

Thank you for all your suggestions. Jack was an amazing man and as such had over 500 people attend his wake. His funeral was just beautiful. There were over 40 firemen in attendence, his grandchildren took part in the service and he was transported from the Church to the Cemetary on the back of an old firetruck named Smokey! At the Cemetary he was given honor by 2 Navy Reservists with Taps. We were all sobbing when they folded the flag on his casket and handed it to my MIL.

My MIL wrote a beautful thank you for the two local papers (we live in a small, small town) as well as writing them for gifts. We chose to write a few only to those who went beyond expectations. As for writing them for all those attending the wake/funeral, well, we thanked them when they came as well as the thank you in the papers.

Again, thanks for all the opinions. And I'm sorry for everyone's losses.

 

[aprilgail2]

I took the thank you card job when my MIL passed on.

My MIL asked for donations to a animal refuge center. So to keep track of who donated in my MIL's name I asked for a list of names (addresses too) of people who donated to the shelter from the shelter owner.

We had to do that too...his mom requested donations to a kids cancer camp or the toys for sick kids foundation so we had to send thank yous for that and also to the people who all gave money to pay for his funeral. That was one expense that was totally taken care of by people giving money. One teacher walked around to every classroom in the Jr and Sr high and told the other teachers to bring their checkbooks the next day because he was taking a collection for Matts family, kids gave money, clubs, my job, her job, his uncles job,friends, family etc....plus the funeral home gave a break becasue he was a child and a junior firefighter-he had full firematic services and hundreds of firemen from all across the island and NYC were there. There were firetrucks lined up for a mile outside the funreal home. Juniors and ladies aux. from different firehouses were there. It was a site to see! It really made you feel good seeing how he was so loved by so many people.

 

[princessariel]

When Dad died my Mom, sister and I got together to write out thank yous. We sent to everyone who sent flowers, food, donations to their favorite charity and those who worked in the kitchen at the luncheon after the funeral.

I made out the ones from my friends, in-laws and co-workers. My sister did the same. My Mom did pretty much the rest.

We didn't send to people that just attended or sent sympathy cards. (not that they weren't appreciated)

 

[skiwee1]

Anyone who attends the wake and/or funeral should be sent a thank you. People took time out of their lives to pay their respects to your relative - they should be acknowledged for being there in your time of need.

I have received many of these and have kept a lot - to know that you may have helped ease someone's grief - is moving.

While we send out thank yous to all that gave more then a card there would be no way to remember who all came to the funeral, viewing or wake. Not everyone signs a guest book and most of the time you are not in a good place to remember much of anything. I have never heard of sending out cards just for attendance. Never.