So sad...

[JerseyJanice]

My husband's 50 year old cousin is dying.

The poor guy has terminal cancer. He was diagnosed only about a month ago. He had surgery in 2006 for a hiatal (sp?) hernia and suffered with acid reflux ever since. The week after this past Easter, it got really bad on him plus he had bad back pain. So he saw a nurse practitioner for his pain. She felt something in his back that she thought was a malignancy and advised him to see an oncologist ASAP.

Before he could get into Sloan Kettering, his pain got so out-of-control that he was taken by ambulance to the local big hospital (Hackensack University Medical Center). Once admitted, everywhere they looked they found malignancies and tumors. It took them over a week to decide that lung cancer was the primary illness. (BTW, he was a nonsmoker his whole life.)

In the past month, he was in and out of the hospital, being treated with radiation. They readmitted him Tuesday night because he wasn't getting enough oxygen and that brought on dementia.

Yesterday, they told his family that they aren't going to give him anymore radiation as there is no hope for him. He is terminal; I don't know yet how long they think he has.

The man who is dying never married and does not have any children. His only brother has a son who is my son's age. He is the "nephew" I am taking to Florida in August. Since this started in April, we've the boy stay with us frequently. I expect to keep him afterschool till the late evening all this upcoming week and all of next weekend too. The only reason he isn't here right now is because my son is away on a band trip.

I really need my son around to entertain this kid; he's more than a little hyper and pretty destructive. He is a very sweet and loving boy, but a lot more work than my own kid. The child is an extremely picky eater, so I'm planning this week's menu around that. One thing good about having him around is that he helps us to appreciate our son's easy-going nature.

BTW, if you want to be so kind as to offer a prayer for him, his name is George.

 

[minniebeth]

I am so sorry to hear about your DH's cousin~
It's so sad when it comes to nothing else can be done. So many people I know though, say that this is when they find peace though, not having to battle and suffer thru side effects of treatments, etc. I hope he can remain comfortable, pain free and enjoy the love of others around him at this time.

It's so loving of you to take care of his brother's son the way you are. I'm sure it is appreciated. What a hard time for all.
You all will be in my prayers!

 

[JerseyJanice]

My MIL called earlier this evening and told us to get to the hospital tomorrow if we want to see George alive one more time. She doesn't think he'll last the week.

He's in terrible shape. They aren't allowing Ryan (my nephew) to see him again. They don't want him to have to deal with seeing his uncle as sick as he is nor to remember him in this condition.

 

[quasar4legs]

I am so sorry your family is facing this loss.

I shall be thinking of George and those that love him during this tragic time.

 

[AnnaS]

I will pray for George too. I just posted a very similar story for my sister. It is so sad. We were lucky and got into Sloan pretty quick within a few weeks (second opinion). Someone has to either make a call or you need to go through the ER.

My story is a few threads down. We are all hoping my sister has a bit more time. I am wondering where George had it too besides the lungs. He only had radiation? My sister is on chemo - standard and clinical.

 

[jrsmom]

My husband's 50 year old cousin is dying.

The poor guy has terminal cancer. He was diagnosed only about a month ago. He had surgery in 2006 for a hiatal (sp?) hernia and suffered with acid reflux ever since. The week after this past Easter, it got really bad on him plus he had bad back pain. So he saw a nurse practitioner for his pain. She felt something in his back that she thought was a malignancy and advised him to see an oncologist ASAP.

Before he could get into Sloan Kettering, his pain got so out-of-control that he was taken by ambulance to the local big hospital (Hackensack University Medical Center). Once admitted, everywhere they looked they found malignancies and tumors. It took them over a week to decide that lung cancer was the primary illness. (BTW, he was a nonsmoker his whole life.)

In the past month, he was in and out of the hospital, being treated with radiation. They readmitted him Tuesday night because he wasn't getting enough oxygen and that brought on dementia.

Yesterday, they told his family that they aren't going to give him anymore radiation as there is no hope for him. He is terminal; I don't know yet how long they think he has.

The man who is dying never married and does not have any children. His only brother has a son who is my son's age. He is the "nephew" I am taking to Florida in August. Since this started in April, we've the boy stay with us frequently. I expect to keep him afterschool till the late evening all this upcoming week and all of next weekend too. The only reason he isn't here right now is because my son is away on a band trip.

I really need my son around to entertain this kid; he's more than a little hyper and pretty destructive. He is a very sweet and loving boy, but a lot more work than my own kid. The child is an extremely picky eater, so I'm planning this week's menu around that. One thing good about having him around is that he helps us to appreciate our son's easy-going nature.

BTW, if you want to be so kind as to offer a prayer for him, his name is George.

I am sorry for what your family is going through. One of the bad side illnesses that can be caused by acid reflux is lung cancer, as well as other cancers seems strange. Cancer is such a rotten sickness and I hope for the best for your family.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I will pray for George too. I just posted a very similar story for my sister. It is so sad. We were lucky and got into Sloan pretty quick within a few weeks (second opinion). Someone has to either make a call or you need to go through the ER.

My story is a few threads down. We are all hoping my sister has a bit more time. I am wondering where George had it too besides the lungs. He only had radiation? My sister is on chemo - standard and clinical.

I have to look for your sister's story, Anna.

George knows someone who works for an oncologist who works out of Sloan. He had an appointment with that doctor on a Monday, but the pain got so intense on a Friday night, he wound up in HUMC. I forget which major hospital HUMC is affiliated with (it could be Sloan), but they tell you that you get the same treatment in Hackensack that you'd get in the City.

Initially, they were going to treat him with a few weeks of radiation, give him a month off, then start chemotherapy. But they told his father and brother on Friday that there isn't any point in continuing to treat it because he is too far gone.

They found cancer in his liver, lungs, brain and bones. He has a large tumor all around his spine that caused him back pain over the past year or so.

DH and I are going to the hospital this morning. I don't want my son to see him this sick so it's convenient that he's away until late tonight. George didn't have children of his own, so he enjoyed being an uncle to my son and Ryan. He took them to a couple of WWE shows in the Meadowlands and brought them to Hooters a bunch of times so they could act like "real men." George's family owns a house in LBI where my son has stayed with them frequently. (DH and I don't go because of our dog.) George was teaching the boys how to surf.

I am torn about whether we will bring my son to George's funeral. I think he should be there because he is close to George, but if my MIL carries on as badly as she did at her niece's funeral, it will be hard for my son to handle. (My son and Ryan are both 13 right now.)

George himself was a very fit and handsome man. He lived a clean life. Didn't drink or smoke. Exercised and ate a decent diet. How he got so sick, so fast, so young is a mystery.

I am dreading going to the hospital today. It's the same one where my niece was treated for leukemia and died in 2004. She was there for nearly 6 months before she passed away. I visited her there often during that time. Her last couple of weeks were excruciating to watch. I get filled with major anxiety at the thought of walking into that building. Today is going to be hard for me.

 

[minniebeth]

to you JerseyJanice, it's so hard to go through all this.
I would talk with your son about his feelings about the funeral. At 13 he is old enough to have an opinion/input with it. I'm praying for all of you!

 

[JerseyJanice]

Thank you, Minniebeth.

We haven't left for the hospital yet. Saying good-bye to someone is such a difficult thing to do.

I do think my son should be at the wake and funeral. I think death is a part of life--an unfortunate part of life, but it is nonetheless. It will be awkward though if they don't bring George's "real" nephew, KWIM? The two boys' birthdays are months apart, but my son is more mature than DN. He's been to a wake already for his best friend's grandmother and that was two years ago, so I am confident he can handle it and think it's the right thing for him to do. However, I am not certain about the other child.

 

[AnnaS]

I would probably not bring (if I had a son/daughter that age) my child to the hospital but definitely to the wake/funeral. We just lost my brother-in-law in Feb. to stage 4 melanoma and I know (like you do with your niece probably) what he looked like in the end.

We are all thinking of your family and George. My sister was also diagnosed in April. Stage 4 lung cancer. It's in her lymph nodes, liver and bones. 46 yrs. old and never married - it's just too much to think about sometimes.

 

[escape]

Janice - I'm so sorry. I'll keep your family and George in my prayers.

 

[JerseyJanice]

We went to visit George, and he's not as bad as I expected after what my MIL had told us. He's not long for this world, but I would guess he has a few weeks at least.

For one thing, he is still eating and drinking a little. His bowels have not shut down. For another, his blood pressure was 112/64--there's a screen next to his bed that shows his vitals and it stayed pretty much this number the whole time we were there. That's a low BP, but it could go much lower, if you know what I mean.

 

[minniecarousel]

JJ - I'm so sorry to hear of your DH's cousin. Too young....so sad.

Prayers for George and all of his family.

 

[AnnaS]

We went to visit George, and he's not as bad as I expected after what my MIL had told us. He's not long for this world, but I would guess he has a few weeks at least.

For one thing, he is still eating and drinking a little. His bowels have not shut down. For another, his blood pressure was 112/64--there's a screen next to his bed that shows his vitals and it stayed pretty much this number the whole time we were there. That's a low BP, but it could go much lower, if you know what I mean.

I am not sure what to say. I think it's good news he will be here a bit longer. As long as they are not suffering and in pain. In the end, the outcome is the same unfortunately. I remember with my brother-in-law recently, first you pray for a miracle or that he has many good days and towards the end, you pray for a quick and painless death. It is very sad.

We kept thinking the same as you. Every time we saw him, we thought, he is still eating, drinking and his body has not shut down so he has some time left.

I hope he has many loved ones around him constantly during this difficult time. Will keep praying for George, Janice.

 

[zigzagzerr]

to you Janice. I'm so sorry for your family.

 

[Heidict]

So sorry to hear about George. I can imagine this must be so horribly difficult and sad for your entire family. My prayers and thoughts are with you all.

 

[JerseyJanice]

George slipped into a coma early yesterday. Although he has a DNR in place, the doctors convinced his dad to let them put in a breathing tube and give him 24 hours with it. There has been no sign of brain activity so they will pull the plug this morning around 9:00. His father, brother and sister-in-law will be there; the dad doesn't want anyone else. My mother- and sister-in-law offered to be there, but dad said no.

So it looks like today will be the day he dies. MIL was right to tell us to see him this weekend; I didn't think he looked that bad, but I guess he was.

 

[AnnaS]

I am so sorry Janice This went way too fast. My tears are just coming down.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I waited all day to hear from somebody and didn't, so I called the unit at the hospital myself. For some reason, the breathing tube was not removed until about a half hour ago. The nurse said that he was with only his father and brother, and he was struggling to breathe, so she expects he'll be gone shortly.

 

[es45]

I waited all day to hear from somebody and didn't, so I called the unit at the hospital myself. For some reason, the breathing tube was not removed until about a half hour ago. The nurse said that he was with only his father and brother, and he was struggling to breathe, so she expects he'll be gone shortly.

Sending prayers of peace for George and prayers of support for you and the family.