Question/Vent/Rant Working from Home

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I am completely exasperated with my husband right now... He is over his little "temper tantrum", but I am still angry. I guess this is a diet version of a popular discussion type on another very popular website.

Anyway, for those who work from home, I wonder if you share similar frustrations that I have with my husband (and his family).

I am sometimes afforded the luxury of working from home... it is kind of a luxury because I get to sleep later and don't have to worry about dress code etc.. It is a very nice break. However, when I DO work from home, I actually put quite a bit of effort into what I am doing. I probably work harder from home because I am generally more focused.

I worked from home on Friday, and it was a CRAZY day for me. It seemed that EVERYTHING hit me all at once, and it did not let up until the day was over (and then some). I logged in this morning to finish up some emails that I needed to do because I got so mad I just walked away a little after 5. I literally did not take breaks or a real lunch yesterday. I did clock out for like an hour, and during that hour I went and took a shower which took about 15 minutes and TRIED to catch up on stuff that was coming in while I was off the clock and marked away "at lunch" that did not stop people from Teams-ing me, VM, and email while I marked at lunch. I was seriously about to lose it by the end of the day.

My husband seems to think WFH=Vacation day. He comes home and was like "did you get my Walmart order off the porch"? I am like I had no idea there was anything out there. He was like, well I texted you that I had an order coming in and I wanted you to bring it in when it came. I was like I had NO IDEA about this. I haven't had a chance to breathe, let alone look at my phone. SO he was all mad at me and this is MY FAULT that less than $10 worth of stuff that should have been refrigerated had been left sitting out all day because I did not know it was out there. I had not looked at my phone all day, I was swamped from the time I clocked in til the time I clocked out, and even worked through most of my lunch to try to be done by 5, and still did not finish by then. It is hard enough dealing with needy customers all day only to have your husband come home and act worse than they do. It was an unusually busy day for me, and he is mad because I did not know that I was supposed to bring stuff in because he sent a text that I did not see??

I asked him later, well how was your day? He responded "it was great until I got home". I was finally like FINE I'm doing an order tomorrow, I will just add the sour cream and milk to that order. He finally dropped it after that. Am I being unreasonable in being so mad that he got that mad?

 

[PollyannaMom]

I am completely exasperated with my husband right now... He is over his little "temper tantrum", but I am still angry. I guess this is a diet version of a popular discussion type on another very popular website.

Anyway, for those who work from home, I wonder if you share similar frustrations that I have with my husband (and his family).

I am sometimes afforded the luxury of working from home... it is kind of a luxury because I get to sleep later and don't have to worry about dress code etc.. It is a very nice break. However, when I DO work from home, I actually put quite a bit of effort into what I am doing. I probably work harder from home because I am generally more focused.

I worked from home on Friday, and it was a CRAZY day for me. It seemed that EVERYTHING hit me all at once, and it did not let up until the day was over (and then some). I logged in this morning to finish up some emails that I needed to do because I got so mad I just walked away a little after 5. I literally did not take breaks or a real lunch yesterday. I did clock out for like an hour, and during that hour I went and took a shower which took about 15 minutes and TRIED to catch up on stuff that was coming in while I was off the clock and marked away "at lunch" that did not stop people from Teams-ing me, VM, and email while I marked at lunch. I was seriously about to lose it by the end of the day.

My husband seems to think WFH=Vacation day. He comes home and was like "did you get my Walmart order off the porch"? I am like I had no idea there was anything out there. He was like, well I texted you that I had an order coming in and I wanted you to bring it in when it came. I was like I had NO IDEA about this. I haven't had a chance to breathe, let alone look at my phone. SO he was all mad at me and this is MY FAULT that less than $10 worth of stuff that should have been refrigerated had been left sitting out all day because I did not know it was out there. I had not looked at my phone all day, I was swamped from the time I clocked in til the time I clocked out, and even worked through most of my lunch to try to be done by 5, and still did not finish by then. It is hard enough dealing with needy customers all day only to have your husband come home and act worse than they do. It was an unusually busy day for me, and he is mad because I did not know that I was supposed to bring stuff in because he sent a text that I did not see??

I asked him later, well how was your day? He responded "it was great until I got home". I was finally like FINE I'm doing an order tomorrow, I will just add the sour cream and milk to that order. He finally dropped it after that. Am I being unreasonable in being so mad that he got that mad?

My DH works from home sometimes, and I will say it can be hard to know whether he is "here" or "not here" or "sort of here" on any given day.

However, if there was a refrigerated package delivered that I needed taken in, I would not assume the person read the text unless they answered.

And furthermore, why would he pay to have milk and sour cream delivered while he wasn't home in the first place? I just would have run into a convenience store on my way home from wherever I was.

So ultimately, I'm siding with you on this one.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

The perishables were part of a bigger order. Had I known, I would have kept an eye out for it. When I work from home I usually use my lunch break to do some housework and stuff, but yesterday was such a crazy day that I barely had time to shower and work off the clock. It just upsets me so much to get to the end of a brutal day only to find out I am in trouble for being overworked.

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

I can see where it would be frustrating that your husband just expected that you drop your work focus to go get a delivery and he should not order things that are time sensitive if he is not going to be there himself.


But it sounds like you have a stressful job and maybe the luxury of working from home is actually a negative thing for you.
Like maybe you have a better work/life balance if you can work at the office and leave it at the office.
And you should not be working outside of your work hours.

 

[Christine]

Yeah, he was being a petty jerk. Most of my WFH days are like yours. It's amazing. My husband is semi retired and he will sometimes text me while he's out that he's as the grocery store or something and do I want anything. Sometimes I don't see the text for HOURS because I'm so absorbed in whatever I am doing. He's seen enough of me chained to my at-home desk to know, though, that's it's no vacation, but a lot of my coworkers say that some of their house members are like that.

 

[Skippy918]

He could have called if it was urgent. This is all on him. Reiterate to him that even though you are home it’s still a workday and you are expected to do work related tasks and not chill.

 

[Southernmiss]

It's on him.

He should have communicated before he left for work that he was placing the grocery order.

And asked if you could watch for it at xx time.

That way you could have given a quick peek for it.

And at the same time, you could say no, I can't. I'm expecting it to be a crazy day.

 

[jo-jo]

He could have called if it was urgent. This is all on him. Reiterate to him that even though you are home it’s still a workday and you are expected to do work related tasks and not chill.

Yup. He could mentioned it in the morning, package coming. Or before he even ordered it, ask would it be an issue to be able to get the package in....not sure what time it's coming.

 

[fla4fun]

He also could have requested a reply to his text to be sure you read it, and then called when he didn’t get a response. He made an assumption and then got angry when his assumption was wrong (and I guarantee he knew he was in the wrong). The remark about his day being great until he got home was totally uncalled for. It sounds like the two of you need to have a conversation about communication and expectations. I don’t know how deliveries are in your area, but they don’t even ring the doorbell here when things are delivered and there have been a couple of times people have sent me gifts that sat out on the porch until they called to find out if I received it. Fortunately it wasn’t perishable, but it could have been. The person doing the ordering is the one responsible for making sure the package is handled appropriately.

It also sounds like you have a tendency to overwork yourself OP. It’s important to take a lunch break, even if it is only 30 minutes, and never work off the clock. I agree with a PP who said maybe working from home isn’t the blessing you think it is. If you are unable to get all your work done when you are working so hard all day you can barely take a bathroom break, then that is something your management team needs to be aware of so they can either redistribute some of the tasks or hire more people. It doesn’t help you or the company for you to work off the clock, and in many places can actually get the company in some trouble if it is discovered later.

 

[texaslover]

He also could have requested a reply to his text to be sure you read it, and then called when he didn’t get a response. He made an assumption and then got angry when his assumption was wrong (and I guarantee he knew he was in the wrong). The remark about his day being great until he got home was totally uncalled for. It sounds like the two of you need to have a conversation about communication and expectations. I don’t know how deliveries are in your area, but they don’t even ring the doorbell here when things are delivered and there have been a couple of times people have sent me gifts that sat out on the porch until they called to find out if I received it. Fortunately it wasn’t perishable, but it could have been. The person doing the ordering is the one responsible for making sure the package is handled appropriately.

It also sounds like you have a tendency to overwork yourself OP. It’s important to take a lunch break, even if it is only 30 minutes, and never work off the clock. I agree with a PP who said maybe working from home isn’t the blessing you think it is. If you are unable to get all your work done when you are working so hard all day you can barely take a bathroom break, then that is something your management team needs to be aware of so they can either redistribute some of the tasks or hire more people. It doesn’t help you or the company for you to work off the clock, and in many places can actually get the company in some trouble if it is discovered later.

I'm quoting this message but there are others in the same vein. This is crazy to me. Everyone I know works outside office hours. I'm in education and I eat at my desk while answering email every day. I get to the school at 7:00 and leave, at the earliest, at 4:30. 3 out of 5 days I leave at 5:00 or after. Then I work in the evening to prepare for the next day. I also work on the weekends to prepare for the next week. Are there people who really don't work a minute outside their work hours?

To the OP, yes he's being an ***. Sour cream and milk are no reason to start a fight. And I'm saying this as someone whose spouse would probably start a fight over this if he's in a bad mood. Not your fault.

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

I'm quoting this message but there are others in the same vein. This is crazy to me. Everyone I know works outside office hours. I'm in education and I eat at my desk while answering email every day. I get to the school at 7:00 and leave, at the earliest, at 4:30. 3 out of 5 days I leave at 5:00 or after. Then I work in the evening to prepare for the next day. I also work on the weekends to prepare for the next week. Are there people who really don't work a minute outside their work hours?

My sister and best friend are teachers so I know that there are certain jobs that you don't always get lunch and you do have to stay later especially if you run a club and you'll have to grade in the evening.
But that doesn't sound like OP's job and many other jobs outside of teaching do not require you to work outside of working hours so if its that type of a job then it should be left at work.
Prior to smartphones/tablets/and take home work laptops office jobs were left at the office and we have learned that when you take it home it causes burnout. And from the vibe of the OP sounds like that's what is happening.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I can see where it would be frustrating that your husband just expected that you drop your work focus to go get a delivery and he should not order things that are time sensitive if he is not going to be there himself.


But it sounds like you have a stressful job and maybe the luxury of working from home is actually a negative thing for you.
Like maybe you have a better work/life balance if you can work at the office and leave it at the office.
And you should not be working outside of your work hours.

I agree that I should not work off the clock... however, sometimes you find yourself in a situation where I have to. We CANNOT go over 40 hours, and of course when things hit on a Friday (that's when it always happens), and we are also REQUIRED to clock out for a 30 minute lunch minimum, there is nothing else you can do. As much as it is unfortunate for the employee... sometimes you are in the middle of something and you just have to clock out and continue working. It is one of those things where you spend like an hour on the phone w/somebody, and then you are getting Teams-ed, emails, and voicemails being left w/somebody else wanting something. To the customer each situation is an "emergency" too, which requires attention. During the 15 minutes I was away from my desk to take a shower, I got a voicemail, an email, and somebody on hold with another lender blowing up my Teams chat, waiting to talk to me from some car dealership wanting me to vouch for the guy buying the car. 15 minutes away from the desk (immediately following SEEING that the customer signed his docs), and you would think the world would end. You can SEE the docs have been signed, BUT it takes 30 minutes for the adobesigned docs to even import back into our system so we an book the loan. It is also of the utmost importance to get the loans booked by EoD because if you don't the numbers will be off.

This kind of thing doesn't happen often, but when it does, it just must be dealt with and taken in stride. The last thing I needed after feeling like I was spinning plates and juggling all at the same time is for somebody to lay into me about ignoring what is perceived as my "household duties".

Had I been at the office that day, I would have had to stay late until I got everything done, and I would have been home late. Believe me, I hate leaving late more than anybody, but sometimes it just has to be done.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

It's on him.

He should have communicated before he left for work that he was placing the grocery order.

And asked if you could watch for it at xx time.

That way you could have given a quick peek for it.

And at the same time, you could say no, I can't. I'm expecting it to be a crazy day.

Had he told me communicated that morning before work that a delivery was coming in a certain window YES I definitely would have been wearing my watch and the Ring would have dinged me that somebody was there. I could have stepped away for a couple minutes to retrieve the stuff and bring it inside. THAT is no big deal for sure. I just had no idea something was coming and I didn't have time to look at my phone to see if anybody had texted me. It was sitting face down on the coffee table and on silent.

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

I agree that I should not work off the clock... however, sometimes you find yourself in a situation where I have to. We CANNOT go over 40 hours, and of course when things hit on a Friday (that's when it always happens), and we are also REQUIRED to clock out for a 30 minute lunch minimum, there is nothing else you can do. As much as it is unfortunate for the employee... sometimes you are in the middle of something and you just have to clock out and continue working. It is one of those things where you spend like an hour on the phone w/somebody, and then you are getting Teams-ed, emails, and voicemails being left w/somebody else wanting something. To the customer each situation is an "emergency" too, which requires attention. During the 15 minutes I was away from my desk to take a shower, I got a voicemail, an email, and somebody on hold with another lender blowing up my Teams chat, waiting to talk to me from some car dealership wanting me to vouch for the guy buying the car. 15 minutes away from the desk (immediately following SEEING that the customer signed his docs), and you would think the world would end. You can SEE the docs have been signed, BUT it takes 30 minutes for the adobesigned docs to even import back into our system so we an book the loan. It is also of the utmost importance to get the loans booked by EoD because if you don't the numbers will be off.

This kind of thing doesn't happen often, but when it does, it just must be dealt with and taken in stride. The last thing I needed after feeling like I was spinning plates and juggling all at the same time is for somebody to lay into me about ignoring what is perceived as my "household duties".

Had I been at the office that day, I would have had to stay late until I got everything done, and I would have been home late. Believe me, I hate leaving late more than anybody, but sometimes it just has to be done.

This sounds like an HR problem.
I would absolutely not clock out and continue working if I'm required to not work for more than 40 hours.
It may be someone's emergency but its not yours especially if you're not being paid for it.
And while I do agree your husband should not have gotten mad for something that is his fault I also think you may have bit his head off because you were overwhelmed by work and if you were not overwhelmed it would not be as big of a deal the next day that you still needed to vent about it.
May be time to discuss with management the fact that you're not longer willing to do the job of probably 2 employees.

 

[tvguy]

My wife would tell you I am the wrong person to ask. I guess we are all wired differently. She worked with me long before we even started dating. And during covid, she was home one day a week to watch me work from home. I have always annoyed her that AT WORK..........I am very task and time oriented. AT HOME, when I am off the clock, she finds it annoying that tasks don't get handled with the same urgency. And my annual reviews often noted my strong "time management skills".
That is a lot of set up, to say, that during the 15 months I worked at home, I answered my personal phone and texts immediately, got deliveries off the front porch as soon as they arrived, got the mail as soon as the mailman delivered it, had the HVAC serviced while working. So no, in my world, your husband's expectations are not unreasonable.

 

[TCRAIG]

You are NOT the AH on this one. Work is work, whether from home or the office. Its on him to be sure he communicates a sensitive delivery that he needs handled…he could have just as easily scheduled the order to arrive when he was home…

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

In our household the majority of unexpected packages actually comes from my husband. However, my husband sends me in advance (enough in advance usually when the item has been shipped) notification of expected packages, it's almost always the brief info you get from Amazon where you're tracking a package but don't have all the full details (like how many stops away) since it's on his amazon account or it'll be the tracking information if it's coming from UPS, FedEx or USPS. Often he'll send me a message if he doesn't hear from me first "looks like it was delivered" Our system works well for us, I know that I'm needing to watch for a package, he however in turn also watches for the delivered notification.

On to the situation at hand (and I bolded this for a reason) It sounds like y'all do not have a system set up and the communication is off between the two of you on what to expect when you are working from home. I think both people were being unfairly snippy, of course you were stressed out at work but it's probably assumed you might have taken some of that frustration out on him just like he took his frustration out on you; he came in hot you returned hot (likely due to the stress and his accusation).

He may have anticipated that because you were working from home a delivery of grocery items could be taken care of by you in a timely/immediate manner, this is reasonable IMO on a general basis (meaning it doesn't taken into consideration if your work day becomes swamped) perhaps in the past you were able to do it on occasion but this time you were just too overwhelmed.

Has there been that discussion that just because you're at home you're really not there to be able to handle household tasks (which include getting packages that are delivered) because really you're working just in a different physical location?

Has there been a discussion that if he's ordered something he should let you know especially a grocery order especially with perishable items?

Has there been a discussion that even though you may be at home you're really unable to get packages or deliveries and he needs to account for this?

All of this just comes down to you don't seem to have a system in place and both of you were working on expectations that conflict with each other. I also sense a bit of resentment both towards your husband's thoughts on what you do when you're working from home and your overall workload (similar to how another poster mentioned your workload).

So my overall advice you need to have a conversation on how you want to handle things during the day when you're working from home. Get down the system that works best for both of you, maybe that's you telling him he needs to not rely on your availability while you're working from home, maybe that's he needs to tell you the day in advance so you can be on the lookout, etc It also opens up the communication line that should you become unable to pick up the package or delivery you can notify him that you were just too busy today (and hopefully it wasn't perishable).

FWIW I think there's a tad bit of contradiction in the reflection of the argument; if your day was so incredibly busy that you never had the opportunity to look at your phone are you really certain that had he told you in advance you would have had the time and actually remembered to check for the grocery order in an immediate manner? I'm just saying that might be a moment to think back on how you felt in that moment because you're working, that's your priority and it's easy to say "if only he had told me" yes but you were also so busy you couldn't look at his message so IMO chances are you would have probably had that delivery slip your mind which also might bring back to the point another poster made about your overall workload.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

You are NOT the AH on this one. Work is work, whether from home or the office. Its on him to be sure he communicates a sensitive delivery that he needs handled…he could have just as easily scheduled the order to arrive when he was home…

I'm not sure exactly how it was ordered or with who, etc but I agree with you about scheduling a delivery IF that was how it was done.

However, at least in our case if say we order a grocery pick up from Walmart (curbside pick up at the store) and some item is actually being delivered by Walmart because it was not available to pick up from the store we selected and instead was available from a nearby location we have zero control on when that item is actually delivered. One time we had 1 can of soup out of our grocery order be delivered and it was actually delivered incorrectly across the street but in any case it was part of our grocery order but acted like it was just shipped to our house. And we actually didn't realize it was being delivered until the deadline to adjust the order because had we realized that we wouldn't have had 1 can of soup delivered lol.

That is different than say having a Walmart grocery order delivered to your house where you ordered for a delivery time (although as I understand it it is still a delivery time slot)..in that case it would be totally doable to order it when the husband is planning on being home.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

we are also REQUIRED to clock out for a 30 minute lunch minimum, there is nothing else you can do. As much as it is unfortunate for the employee... sometimes you are in the middle of something and you just have to clock out and continue working.

I'm assuming you're salaried, but when I was hourly the above situation in part led to one of my past companies being sued by the department of labor thus one of the rules that was the golden rule was that if you're unpaid you best be away from your desk and away from work because if you're doing work you have to be paid for work.

The initiation of that lawsuit was having employees start up their computers in the morning before their official shift started so software programs that were slow to all load would then load, that led to the ultimate decision that workers should get paid for that as they were working. Thus the golden rule, if it's a break it was fine to stay at your desk and ultimately work on something though in 15 mins that's not going to give you much time and that was because those were paid breaks.

But your lunch which is unpaid? Get away from your desk so the temptation to answer questions from people (which yes you were supposed to be paid if you answered work-related questions so if you happened to be at your desk you needed to decline answering if you were off the clock) and do other work is gone. This was also why you could not do work after you clocked out the day, we were paid by the minute and they meant that.

Salaried functioned differently.

 

[mommasita]

You are NOT the AH on this one. Work is work, whether from home or the office. Its on him to be sure he communicates a sensitive delivery that he needs handled…he could have just as easily scheduled the order to arrive when he was home…

I agree with this post 100%
I just finished a 13 hour day working at home. I would be livid with my husband , and he would know it!! If milk and sour cream are that urgent, he can pick them up on his way home.