Our son's "boss" just called and said he's a big screw off!

[missypie]

DS is 14 and is a volunteer swim-lesson aide at our city pool. DS has mild Aspergers, so he isn't real outgoing, but is basically a good, cooperative boy. DH was stunned to get a call from the coordinator of the swimming lesson program, saying that our DS is a big screw off, doesn't do jack, and is distracting to the other aides! It is SO unlike the child we know, but we parents can certainly be oblivious to traits in our kids.

DS claims to have no idea what the "boss" is talking about.

I don't know if all this bad stuff is going on and DS is oblivious (because of Asperger's), or if DS is lying to us. DS claims that the "boss" has never talked to him about his behavior. Is this a case of him missing all kinds of signals of disapproval?

DH and DS are going to try to talk to the lady this afternoon to get to the bottom of this.

Does anyone have experience with an autistic child in the workplace? If he really is misreading (or not reading) cues about his performance, this may be a hint of things to come in his working life.

 

[SueM in MN]

Good luck in the outcome for this.
It's possible that everyone can be right.
It's very possible that the coordinator thinks your DS "doesn't do jack." because he told him once to do xxx and then expected that your DS would do it after that without direction (or would pick up on what needs to be done that is similar to xxx). It's very possible that your DS thinks he is doing what is expected of him because when the director told him to do xxx, he did it and he hasn't done it again because he wasn't told to.

For the "distracting the other aides", your son may be doing what people with Aspergers often do - telling every fact possible about something they know. The coordinator would think of that as "goofing off" and "distracting the others", but your DS would probably think of it as just doing what he normally does.

The director may have told your DS some things in a way he thought was clear - especially non-verbal signs of disapproval, or non-specific things like "quit goofing around" - that your DS just didn't register. Or maybe he said to stop doing yyyy. Your DS could have stopped doing yyyy, but may still be doing YYYY, not realizing that the coordinator meant to stop doing anything that was at all like yyyy.

Anyway, good luck.

 

[missypie]

Well, DS and DH went to talk to the coordinator. Some of the moms watching swimming lessons had complained about him on their evaluation forms. I guess he just doesn't do much with the kids...he does what he's told...period. If he's told to have the kids swim to him, he does it...but he doesn't instruct them in swimming before, during or after. I think everyone (coordinator, paid teachers and the moms) is expecting the aides to take a lot of initiaive in helping teach, and DS just doesn't get what he's supposed to do. It doesn't surprise me at all that he doesn't take initiative.

I guess I'm glad this happened at 14, in a volunteer job, instead of being fired from a paid job and not having a clue why.

DS functions so well most of the time that we forget that he just doesn't get non-verbal, and some verbal, cues. The moms - and maybe the instructor - were probably glaring at him; the instructor was probably being short with him...and he didn't notice at all.

I worry about what his future will hold, employment-wise.

 

[kathyk2]

Missy your son would benefit from job coaching when he gets older. I wonder if the requirements of the job were clearly explained to him when he started. Were the folks at the pool aware of his disability? It seemed as if they didn't know how to deal with him.

 

[SueM in MN]

Missy your son would benefit from job coaching when he gets older. I wonder if the requirements of the job were clearly explained to him when he started. Were the folks at the pool aware of his disability? It seemed as if they didn't know how to deal with him.

 

[Lives4Disney]

Missy - I have a 14 yr old son diagnosed with ADD. His self esteem is so low at this point from teachers and coaches etc (probably a little from mom & dad, too) that he wouldn't even have the nerve to volunteer for some job. He is a terrific kid, but people on a daily basis bring him down. I think it is just FANTASTIC that your son does this volunteering & hopefully the "boss" is made aware of his issues and gets over the fact that she doesn't think he does "jack" and appreciates him for the effort he is giving!! I hope she feels bad, too. Agh, I am sooo sick of people critisizing my own kid - he has such a good heart. I feel your pain.

Take care -

Lives4Disney

 

[eeyore45]

Its so hard, I remember DS ( hard of hearing) did a year of counselor in training at summer camp, he loved the lake, he worked so hard, so many hours, and I too was a proud mom.

The next year he wasnt given a "contract" to be a 'counselor'. I was so frustrated, he got great reviews, but they wouldnt tell me why they wouldnt 'hire' him... finally one brave scout said "He doesnt turn around when we yell at him" SO basically on the beach they would yell instructions to the guards on the pier watching the lake full of scouts... "ummm let me get this straight, my son is watching boys in a lake, and you want him to turn his BACK on them??? Is there another way to help him?" (walkie talkie, sending a scout to run to him etc)

That was such a "duh" moment to the head of the camp, that my son was hired, and that year he was given such crap! The man in charge really had it out for my son, so the next year again, no contract, again, I had to "fight" for my son... I even mentioned "ADA" you'd think a Scout camp would want kids for the ADA ... well that struck a nerve with the head of the camp, and he basically "created" a job for ds in the office, and ds so excelled at that 'created position' its a permanant job (he was in charge of camp wide games, etc)

This year, he didnt have to wait for a contract, but did have to wait for a "position"... never realized how political the Boy Scout Camp was!!

 

[missypie]

Missy your son would benefit from job coaching when he gets older. I wonder if the requirements of the job were clearly explained to him when he started. Were the folks at the pool aware of his disability? It seemed as if they didn't know how to deal with him.

Who does "job coaching"? Every year, the school district wants him out of the special ed program, and I have to fight to keep him in. His grades are too good for his own good. (Those folks aren't at our house at night to see the struggles that go into those grades.) Anyway, I keep saying that he needs for school to prepare him for his adult life, not just how to get through English class. Is the high school supposed to provide job coaching?

 

[kathyk2]

Missy your state's vocational Rehabilitation Office will help with job coaching. They can also help with career exploration and interviewing skills. If your son plans to continue his education they can assist him with that as well. Now that your son is fourteen it is a good idea to start thinking about the services he will need as an adult.

 

[dclfun]

I just wanted to say how much my heart hurt when reading the OP's story of her son. He is doing the best he can within the limits of his disability. My daughter works at a private ABA school for autistic children in Boston and having also worked with disabled children most of my life I know what battles they face in trying to "fit in" with societies ideas. I second the advice to contact VR. They should be able to provide a job coach ( and his school should also be getting him the services he needs) and any training he'll require. If this can be done before he faces insensitive people hopefully his confidence and self esteem can be preserved. Kathy

 

[seashoreCM]

Have your son's boss describe in exquisite detail, citing numerous examples why he feels your son is a big screw off. Then you examine the report, pointing out things that may be over your son's head. Anything you don't understand you ask for clarification or say the claim is not true until clarified.

When dealing with handicapped employees the boss needs to ignore minor idiosyncrasies such as failure to look you in the eye when responding.

Disney hints:
http://members.aol.com/ajaynejr/disney.htm

 

[Nik's Mom]

Hi! My ds is autistic but is only 6. I know we have something called Regional Center here. They counsel children with developmental disabilities. I know they offer employment training and social skills workshops until the child reaches adulthood. You might want to see if there is something like that in your area.