OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[klmall]

DH has been taking some very strong medicines over the past 18 months for a serious health condition that thankfully has greatly improved. I will be so glad when he gets off the "gout" pills he takes; they have an unfortunate side effect of multiplying gas produced!

 

[klmall]

Just found this thread in my Bookmarks today so I'm bumping for resurrection purposes!

Everyone could use a little humor now and then!

 

[apirateslifeforme]

On DH's side of the family, looking for something more polite than "fart" for the little ones, it's called "doing rockets." So...

Back on Father's Day 2012, we outed my SIL in front of her then-new BF. Me, DH, his parents, his sister and her BF, and his brother, brother's wife and nieces, had all just had breakfast and were sitting around the table talking. During a lull in the conversation, DH wrinkled his nose, grinned, and said, "Deb, did you just rocket?" Everyone - including her boyfriend - started cracking up, while Deb jokingly hit the table with her fist and said, "I was trying to hold it in, I thought you wouldn't be able to smell it!" Then she excused herself, went to the porch door (1 foot from the table), stuck her butt through the doorway and let out a VERY audible rocket. Returning to her chair, she told her mother to please put away the hard-boiled eggs.

Then our other SIL piped up, through her laughter - "We've been married 10 years and we just now started doing that in front of each other!"

Well...Deb and BF are still together and talking marriage, so it didn't hurt. She said after that moment, it was all over and they both let the rockets fly whenever they need to.

 

[java]

Bumping because I needed a good laugh. I was actually looking for he one where the woman had in ear buds while she was in for coffee, and she decided to fart during loud parts in the song forgetting that she was the only one hearing the song!

 

[ronandannette]

Bumping because I needed a good laugh. I was actually looking for he one where the woman had in ear buds while she was in for coffee, and she decided to fart during loud parts in the song forgetting that she was the only one hearing the song!

Pretty sure that one is an Urban Legend for how many different ways it's been repeated, but it is a funny story!

 

[java]

I was feeling nostalgic. It used to be so very funny around here. Now it seems to be more issue related(and i am just as guilty)

Bring back the silly!

 

[manning]

Just don't fart in Starbucks to the tune of staying alive. Thought I was getting away with it until I realized I was listening to the song on my earplug. Sorry folks must be a squeaky chair.

 

[PigletsPal2]

We do a similar thing to "Don't come over here, Mary". Our code phrase is "We need to leave the area NOW". No one questions, we all run!

We have a code phrase, too. "Travel Advisory in Aisle 3 (or wherever)" And our euphemism for a fart is a "Shakespeare" as in "full of sound and fury signifying nothing."

"Travel Advisory in the hall bathroom! Someone just had a huge Shakespeare!"

Queen Colleen

 

[Nohal]

Thanks for reviving this thread. I needed a goodtoday. I don't have anything to add but hopefully others will keep this thread "going"

 

[klmall]

I work in a room that is actually part of a warehouse; basically a room with walls but no ceiling. It also happens to be right next to a wide stairwell and an exit to the parking lot which means it gets lots of different uses. People often sit on the stairs for phone call making, quiet time on breaks and talking with friends. But they sometimes forget that even though our room has a door, there is no ceiling to keep noise out. It's not unusual to hear people yelling on their phones, and even belching.

So recently I was holding a meeting with my group and during a lull in the conversation we heard someone walk down our hall, stop on the stairs and then let out a very loud fart. Not just a short toot but a truly long explosion. I tried very hard to keep a straight face as I continued talking but I gave up when we heard the offender answer the phone and the offender turned out to be a woman whose voice we all recognized. That was all it took to end the meeting...and she still doesn't know we heard her I'm sure!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

OMG!!! I forgot how funny this thread is....


I have a new story. I started a new job last year, and pretty much work alone. Since I don't have direct interaction with some of the people in the office, it took me a good while to get to know people.

So back when I was new, I really need to release a bit of gas that had built up after lunch. Usually, I can squeak them out silently and pray they don't smell, but something told me this one was a) not going to go quietly or b) stink to the high heavens. So I took a walk outside. I just walked out the door, and didn't look back. As soon as the door swung shut, I let it rip. I think the glass in the windows were shaking, but my belly felt soo much better. I may have even let out an "aaahh".

I turned to go back into the building, and there was one of the front desk girls standing there smoking a cigarette.

I felt my face turn beet red....I couldn't look at her for weeks.

We are now good office friends, and she has never once brought it up. (thankfully).

 

[BrookieCookie]

OMG!!! I forgot how funny this thread is....


I have a new story. I started a new job last year, and pretty much work alone. Since I don't have direct interaction with some of the people in the office, it took me a good while to get to know people.

So back when I was new, I really need to release a bit of gas that had built up after lunch. Usually, I can squeak them out silently and pray they don't smell, but something told me this one was a) not going to go quietly or b) stink to the high heavens. So I took a walk outside. I just walked out the door, and didn't look back. As soon as the door swung shut, I let it rip. I think the glass in the windows were shaking, but my belly felt soo much better. I may have even let out an "aaahh".

I turned to go back into the building, and there was one of the front desk girls standing their smoking a cigarette.

I felt my face turn beet red....I couldn't look at her for weeks.

We are now good office friends, and she has never once brought it up. (thankfully).

I would have died of embarrassment!

 

[jmskinner]

I work in a room that is actually part of a warehouse; basically a room with walls but no ceiling. It also happens to be right next to a wide stairwell and an exit to the parking lot which means it gets lots of different uses. People often sit on the stairs for phone call making, quiet time on breaks and talking with friends. But they sometimes forget that even though our room has a door, there is no ceiling to keep noise out. It's not unusual to hear people yelling on their phones, and even belching.

So recently I was holding a meeting with my group and during a lull in the conversation we heard someone walk down our hall, stop on the stairs and then let out a very loud fart. Not just a short toot but a truly long explosion. I tried very hard to keep a straight face as I continued talking but I gave up when we heard the offender answer the phone and the offender turned out to be a woman whose voice we all recognized. That was all it took to end the meeting...and she still doesn't know we heard her I'm sure!

I could never look at this person without cracking up.

 

[luvflorida]

I was just checking in and reading on the community board and I see that this thread has popped up again.

When the thread was first started, I posted that I had just turned fifty. Well, it is now nine years later, I'm now fifty-nine and I STILL laugh hysterically when reading this thread!

"Don't come over here, Mary." OMG! Kills me every time!

Thanks for the laughs, again!

 

[Amelia Peabody]

"Don't come over here Mary..." has to be the best ever!
We now use it in our daily conversations....if they are about farts.

I had an interesting experience, rather gross, but I sat in the ladies room cracking up all by myself (thank God!)

On the way to the bathroom at work, I had a series of machine gun farts slip out. Only they didn't go all the way out. Hhmmm - how to describe this.... they left via the normal exit but slipped back in elsewhere? That location has no muscles to hold them in and when I sat down I quacked like a duck. Oh so glad I didn't have to explain the tears running down my face.

Another day I was minding my own business and walked through a fart trail. Thought I was going to die Those farticles where hanging around where they were unloaded and of course I just HAD to be the one to walk down that hall....

 

[minnie mum]

If laughter is the best medicine, this thread should be patented. I haven't laughed this long or this hard for years. And I'm only up to page 10!

I remember years ago when younger DD was about 4. Her sister was known for letting the odd one rip - loud and proud as she put it. But Melissa was of the silent but deadly persuasion. Except for that one night - you know the sound a balloon makes when you blow it up and then let the air out??? Yeah, like that and about that long. I asked her "Melissa, did you just putt-putt?". Looking at me with those huge solemn eyes, she says " Yes,mommy, and it was a FUZZY putt-putt! I almost hurt myself I laughed so hard. Needless to say, 30 years later that phrase is still in the family vocabulary.

 

[Cool Cat]

Just bumping this thread...

 

[rszdtrvl]

Perfect timing!

Last night was the "End of Year Cheerleader Ice Cream Social" for my son's cheer squad. He has not been a part of it at all because the cheer coach regretted putting the mascot (my son is mascot, and the only guy on the squad) in the same category as a cheerleader (in the school activities area he is listed as a cheerleader). He has not been invited to any of the activities the cheerleaders have been a part of and now, during district playoffs, he is not invited to travel. It has been a very sore spot for him (and me) and having to attend the social so he could get his activities letter for his senior year of high school and it was not fun.

There was a long (30+ minute) slideshow of all the cheerleaders. I think DS was in maybe 3 of the slides. We were all bored. I had convinced DH to attend with us this year (we went alone, just DS and I last year) and he looked like he was zoning out.

I smelled something funky, but thought nothing of it because we were in a room with a lot of people. I suspected DH, but when I looked at him he didn't make eye contact like he typically does.

A few minutes later I heard it. The "echoing fart". The kind that is done on a hard plastic chair that is a lot louder than it would be because of the chair acoustics. In the middle of this slide show, I start laughing, and whisper in DS's ear what just happened. He starts laughing, DH starts laughing, and I am laughing so hard that I have tears dripping down my face. I go up to get a napkin to wipe my eyes, and all of the room assumes that I am just emotional with the slideshow. I tell the lady at the next table over that I am *NOT* crying but have a severe case of the giggles. All it takes for the next 5 minutes is one look to either DH or DS and we are all laughing again. DS ended up leaving the room for a few minutes to compose himself, and I ended up leaving soon afterwards, just to get a breather.

SO glad that DH went with us. We all needed that giggle! And farts always make me laugh - especially when done in an area that would not be "appropriate", such as in a room with a bunch of cheerleaders during an end of year slideshow.

 

[gemini2727]

My good friend works in a hospital and was feeling quite gassy while walking down a hallway. He saw a door to what he thought to be a storage room, so he opened it, backed in a bit and let loose...later that afternoon one of the nurses said "J, listen to this!" A volunteer had been in the room (which was now an office) and she said "Someone stuck their backside in the doorway and farted at me!" My friend was able to keep a straight face and they never knew it was him, lol!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

My good friend works in a hospital and was feeling quite gassy while walking down a hallway. He saw a door to what he thought to be a storage room, so he opened it, backed in a bit and let loose...later that afternoon one of the nurses said "J, listen to this!" A volunteer had been in the room (which was now an office) and she said "Someone stuck their backside in the doorway and farted at me!" My friend was able to keep a straight face and they never knew it was him, lol!

I haven't been on the board for some years, but I still love this thread and I am thrilled to see that every blue moon it gets some life breathed into it.