So I guess paranoia is a fun byproduct of the past few months for me. DH was always more of a hypochondriac and it seemed to manifest in avoiding doctors at all cost - presumably so he could avoid anything he didn't want to deal with. I've always been accepting of dealing with whatever came up but not necessarily in a hurry to do so. Now though, everything is different. Like with the knee. I really don't want to have elective surgery right now even if it would make my life much better. My kids are not adults. What if I die on the operating table? Not really something that I would have given more than a passing though to in the past. Well, until the day of the surgery and then I'd just fret for a couple of hours and then I'd be under and then it would be over. Now though? Nope - need to wait a few years, just in case. So I get my Cingal injection next Wednesday. I really, really hope it lets me have a few years before the replacement is required.
I would love to do this now if it wasn't for the leaving the kids orphaned fear, but I also have to say my surgeon didn't give me the best feeling that I'd be thrilled with the results either. At least at this age. Maybe I need to look for a second opinion, although I trust my primary care physician to not refer me to anyone questionable.
And then there's also weird pain paranoia. Off I went to the ER last week because I had a pain in my side. I had myself convinced I had the exact same cancer DH did and I was going to leave my kids orphans. Nope - very, very small gall stones. Not enough to require surgery, just enough to give me twinges. I was even embarrassed when they asked me to rate my pain to let them know around 4. Who runs to emergency for a level 4 pain? Apparently I do, now. Because I don't want to take a single chance I ignore something and miss it until it's too late. So, now I am a paranoid creature. I hope it passes.
I have to say though, the ER doc was extremely nice and very patient once I explained why I was there for what I was there for. Made sure to tell me all of my blood levels were good, enzymes all good, ultrasound all good - pancreas and liver all good. Well also a little bit of a fatty liver but nothing that would harm me for decades, apparently. And no, I will not give up my wine or my chocolate over it if I have decades.