GLTB Parents and Kids (And CSPs too!)

[True North]

Hi everyone! First I have to say I can’t believe all the wonderful PMs I got after posting my reasons for having this board on the DIS. I was overwhelmed by all the kind things people said and was happy I could help. A lot of people, both gay and straight, had questions for me, and I am happy to answer any of them. A lot of people wanted to know about my family and what it is like for a family with two dads. I won’t post any private messages, but at the same time I thought a thread for all to see would help people out.

I clearly don’t have all the answers. Will and I have a 1.5 year-old so I haven’t had to deal with the effects of other children’s words on our diverse family. I would love to hear any stories that others have, especially advice to those looking to start a family, or have a young one like mine.

I’ll start with the most popular question I get: how do you decide who gets to be called Dad?

This question is easy for my family. While both Will and I are bilingual, his family is French, while mine are English. I therefore am Dad and Daddy, while Will is the French version, Pa or Papa.

 

[wallyb]

I therefore am Dad and Daddy, while Will is the French version, Pa or Papa.

That's great. Nice idea.
Cute baby too! Daddy is kinda hot too.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

One of my best friends, Michael (we were each Best Man at the other's wedding), became Michelle (both legally and physically) over ten years ago. To the adult daughter, Michelle is Momma and Sharon is Mom.

 

[GurGie]

I'm puertorrican and DP is American of Italian ancestry. I am Mami and DP is mama or momma.

 

[RickinNYC]

Can't even express how much Joe and I would love to have a little guy or girl running around the apartment, ruling the roost. Perhaps one day.

 

[Brightsy]

One of my best friends, Michael (we were each Best Man at the other's wedding), became Michelle (both legally and physically) over ten years ago. To the adult daughter, Michelle is Momma and Sharon is Mom.

And that daughter would be me. It can confuse others sometimes when I slip and call Momma "Mom." Gotta admit that Momma is a much better name for Michelle than "Aunt Daddy."

Sara

 

[Aurora3]

I don't think we get to decide, they do.
I really wanted to be called "Mom" but somehow she's now 12 and I've become "Mommy" when DD is thrilled, happy, sad, needy or just OK, "Mom" when she is insistent, demanding or irritated at anything, "Mother" if she thinks I'm ruining her life and "Debbie" if she's looking for an argument. I even get called "Dude" when she forgets she's talking to me and gets caught up in a story she's telling.
Her other mom is "Tamma" (sounds like "Mama" with a T in place of the M) if she is out and about or generally OK with the world (actually half of DD's friends call her "Tamma", her actual name is Tammi), she is "Mom" if DD is injured, scared or feeling needy and "Tammi" if she's angry.

 

[True North]

Can't even express how much Joe and I would love to have a little guy or girl running around the apartment, ruling the roost. Perhaps one day.

Rick, I've seen you say this a couple of times now, any chance you might be taking the big step any time soon?

 

[RickinNYC]

Rick, I've seen you say this a couple of times now, any chance you might be taking the big step any time soon?

Well, truth to tell, Joe and I have been talking about at least being foster parents. What held us back for so long was that we lived in a one bedroom but now that we have a two bedroom apartment, it's started the conversations back up again.

I know Joe would be a GREAT Dad. He absolutely loves kids and they adore him. I, on the other hand, have this fear that I would be awful. I'd just be too strict or something.

Kids always made me uncomfortable. Always felt I was awkward around them but my nieces and friends' kids have proven that to be completely offbase. Now, the awkwardness is gone.

Once Joe is settled into his teaching career, we're going to start investigating more intently what options we have.

 

[T&KHayes]

Since DP came into our lives after I already had my children, for the most part she is Tiff. But DS calls her mom quite often, DD calls her Tiff, but they both refer to us as their mom's. DS says I am mommy and Tiff is mom. On all of their school documents I am mom and Tiff is partner/co-parent. We both go to all of the meetings, conferences, assemblies, etc. and are treated the same by all of the school officials.

 

[wallyb]

We thought about it as well-
We've been together or 24 years now.
We have the room.
It just seems like such huge responsibility.
I mean if you mess up you're messing up a person!
And it's not like a purchase "Oh this isn't what I thought I'd like to return it."
But I do love kids.

 

[chele3796]

We thought about it as well-
We've been together or 24 years now.
We have the room.
It just seems like such huge responsibility.
I mean if you mess up you're messing up a person!
And it's not like a purchase "Oh this isn't what I thought I'd like to return it."
But I do love kids.

Ah, but you have though so carefully about the responsibility and understand what you would be taking on...that is one of the things that makes for a good parent.

 

[mickeyfan2]

We have the room.
It just seems like such huge responsibility.
I mean if you mess up you're messing up a person!
And it's not like a purchase "Oh this isn't what I thought I'd like to return it."
But I do love kids.

Only the good parents actually think of this and admit it to themselves. Go for it you will be an awesome parent.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

We've been together or 24 years now.
It just seems like such huge responsibility.

Just an aside -- from what I read there is an implication you are at least in your mid to upper 40s. Do you want to have one or more teenagers at home when you are in your 60s and possibly a child in college when you are in your 70s? You are right about a big responsibility.

 

[True North]

I know Joe would be a GREAT Dad. He absolutely loves kids and they adore him. I, on the other hand, have this fear that I would be awful. I'd just be too strict or something.

Kids always made me uncomfortable. Always felt I was awkward around them but my nieces and friends' kids have proven that to be completely offbase. Now, the awkwardness is gone.

haha! Sorry, but I never thought your problem would be that your "too strict". Also, there is something very diffrent about being akward around random children to being a father to a child of your own. DH felt the same way as you when Mark was coming. I think he missed the fact there wasn't a two year course called "Parenting 101" before having a child. Trust me, he is doing just fine. I'm not trying to pressure you, you just sound like you would make a great dad or foster parent.

 

[wallyb]

from what I read there is an implication you are at least in your mid to upper 40s.

FYI - sorry you're wrong with your calculation
And no I'm not saying by how much.

 

[luvmydogs]

Parenting is definitely a learn-as-you go full-time job! I don't know if one can possibly be prepared for all the things kids throw at you (both literally and figuratively). I was diagnosed with an ulcer when ds10 was two, and I am convinced that it was *not* a coincidence!

For instance, I never in my life thought the following words would ever come out of my mouth: "Oh, great. Now I have to get a tweezers and get that dime out of your butt." But I've said it. "Get that (insert any imaginable noun) out of your mouth!" Said that, too. "Well, that's what you get when you lift your leg to pee like the dogs!" Uh huh...You get the picture.

They drive you crazy, drain your wallet, eat you out of house and home and break your heart. But once you look around at the absolute gift that is your child, you'll wonder how you ever lived without them.

 

[True North]

FYI - sorry you're wrong with your calculation
And no I'm not saying by how much.

I didn't care about the answer until now that you won't tell us. Come on Wallyb! Inquiring minds want to know! Maybe it is time to start placing bets...

 

[wallyb]

No way dude!
And it's not polite to ask.
Plus it would take your post further off topic ...and that's not polite of me.

I will say - on topic - If I did adopt I always thought I would like an older child.

 

[T&KHayes]

Good Luck Noah, it doesn't appear as if you are going to win this one!