Financial ruin = nervous breakdown

[PrincessSuzanne]

I can't add anything to your housing situation, but I do have to say that your BFF is no friend is she can't understand. She shouldn't be mad at you adn tat is all there is to it. As I have always heard, "who needs enemies with friends like that". You deserve a better friend.

 

[yoopermom]

Just a big for you, and to let you know that you are NOT alone. I've been laid off three times in the past seven years, and am now only working p/t, because if we were to move to another area where both DH and I could get f/t jobs, we'd still have the burden of the house we currently own (which is basically unsellable due to the market right now). So I DO understand, as do so many others.

You are NOT a bad person, just caught up in circumstances beyond your control. You deserve a king sized bar of chocolate (Aldi's has them pretty cheap ).

Terri

 

[ancestry]

Others have given you good financial advice. My advice is more on an emotional level. Learn to disassociate your happiness and self-worth with your financial status. You are a good person whether or not you can afford to pay your mortgage. Not having enough money to pay your bills does not make you a horrible or bad person. You do have the ability to control you emotional reaction to such things. A house, a material belonging, is not worth you losing your health over.

Deep breath and big hugs.

 

[LovesTimone]

My good friend and DH just went through this, now my brother is going through it. The Bank would not and will not offer any help. Period... They both begged the mortgage company for help and no-one would even stop to talk to them or try to help. Stop making your payments, every time you talk to someone write it down, name, date and conversation and who they work for/ company name and department. If you don't answer keep track of the phone calls, keep all the mail. Go see a real estate or bankruptcy attorney. Our friends moved out and rented a place this was 2 years ago. Last week someone from the Bank called and wanted to help them refi - my friend started laughing, and said where were you when we need help? She did not know that they were told to vacate the house? nor did she know all this was over 2 years old? They have papers that state the house is foreclosed on? REALLY, what is going on. They hired a attorney and that has saved their sanity. My DB just filed Bankruptcy, he also hired an attorney. He stop all the harassing phone call, within 48 hr's. Your health is so important you must take care of yourself, I know that this is not easy to do. But there are people out there with the right legal advise to give you options.

Will be wishing for pixie dust to find its way to you.

 

[mom2alix]

I hope being able to post here and vent a little helps. You've done all you can. You can't give what you don't have and this economic situation has really placed a lot of people in situations they never thought they'd find themselves in. I know I'd be a nervous wreck in your position too.

I get frustrated every day that the ones responsible for this disaster are facing no consequences (some are actually getting wealthier) while people like you suffer. I also get frustrated reading "holier than thou" posts by those who think they can judge others and that those facing this situation somehow must have brought it on themselves. There may be some who did, but there are a lot of people out there right now like you who have done everything they could and now it's time to cut your losses.

Hugs to you and I hope you are able to find a resolution soon so you can move on.

 

[punkin]

I hope being able to post here and vent a little helps. You've done all you can. You can't give what you don't have and this economic situation has really placed a lot of people in situations they never thought they'd find themselves in. I know I'd be a nervous wreck in your position too.

I get frustrated every day that the ones responsible for this disaster are facing no consequences (some are actually getting wealthier) while people like you suffer. I also get frustrated reading "holier than thou" posts by those who think they can judge others and that those facing this situation somehow must have brought it on themselves. There may be some who did, but there are a lot of people out there right now like you who have done everything they could and now it's time to cut your losses.

Hugs to you and I hope you are able to find a resolution soon so you can move on.

There haven't been any of those on this thread yet.

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

You have done everything you can do. You can not ruin your health for a house. Other people made this mess & we're all the victims of the situation. Foreclose/short sell whatever you need to do. Alot of us wouldn't be underwater now if people hadn't bought houses they couldn't afford & let them foreclose. Now those of us who had alot of equity because we did the right thing are now faced with values lower than before the bubble hit and negative equity. My current home is worth what it would have been in 1997. That's sad.

 

[a742246]

When I was 31 I had to walk away from my house. I was newly divorced and had 2 small kids. I was working 2 jobs. And I just couldn't do it. I loved that house too, bought it when I was only 24, and put my heart into it.
Even got up there and helped put a roof on it.
I didn't have to file bankruptcy. I just gave the house back to the mtg co. I did have it on the market for about 9 months, it did not sell, and then was not able to continue paying.
Life went on.
I did eventually buy a smaller, much more affordable house, and had to move to a more affordable state. I also learned to watch every penny.
You can't do what you can't do.
I was heartsick over it, But life did go on and my credit is good now.
It stayed on my credit report for 7 years.
It does not mean you are a bad or irresponsible or immoral person. You are trying to work with the bank, just as I did.
I just want you to know that I understand how you feel, but money is not worth making yourself sick over. It is only money.
Somethings are just beyond your control.

This is good advise. Remember, you only have one life, you have to do what you have to do to survive. Your health is much more important than any money issue and as long as you work this out with your spouse you will get thru it.


Good Luck!

 

[seashoreCM]

Some advantages of bankruptcy over short sale:
1. The bank can't come after you for the difference if the house sells for less than the mortgage loan balance,
2. You will not have to pay income tax on the difference which is ordinarily considered forgiveness of the obligation.

In a few situations the above can be arranged without going bankrupt but that is something for your attorney.

It is better to keep living in the house until you are evicted. Living "rent free" is nice while it lasts.

In the event you negotiate with the bank to "house sit" in exchange for a much smaller monthly payment, use paper checks and be sure to mark each payment as "rent". This would prevent the bank from rejuvenating the mortgage loan.

 

[Rafiki31]

Some advantages of bankruptcy over short sale:
1. The bank can't come after you for the difference if the house sells for less than the mortgage loan balance,
2. You will not have to pay income tax on the difference which is ordinarily considered forgiveness of the obligation.

In a few situations the above can be arranged without going bankrupt but that is something for your attorney.

It is better to keep living in the house until you are evicted. Living "rent free" is nice while it lasts.
In the event you negotiate with the bank to "house sit" in exchange for a much smaller monthly payment, use paper checks and be sure to mark each payment as "rent". This would prevent the bank from rejuvenating the mortgage loan.

I moved 2 years ago, we had to relocate for work. The house had renters for a short time that destroyed the place, all the damaged was fixed to put it back on the market. It has mostly been empty. We still pay rent and expenses here where we live now in addition to all the insurance utitities and bills on the empty house. This month is the first month not paying the mortgage, but I am still keeping the insurance and utilities up to date. Also still paying the taxes.


It is a beautiful little house. I am surprised no one wanted to buy it. It is small about 1000 sq feet, but has new plumbing, new electrical, the floors had to be redone after the renters ruined em, and the appliances had to be replaced post renters. So it is move in ready and very nice. I wish we could take the appliances down here, but it costs too much to move them.

 

[Candlz]

Other people made this mess & we're all the victims of the situation. Alot of us wouldn't be underwater now if people hadn't bought houses they couldn't afford & let them foreclose.

Belle - I am sorry - this statement is just wrong. The 'people bought houses they couldn't afford' is a load of junk. If you doubt it than walk into a car dealership and try to get a load for a car that is way out of your price range. They won't approve you for the loan. The banks went after as many people as they could and talked them into these loans that they (the banks) knew full well were garbage. I remember getting call after call after call from companies offering to refinance us at less that 1% interest. We were lucky - not smart - but lucky because we didn't fall for it. I remember the temptation so well though.

Rafiki31 - please just make sure your attorney insures you will not be held liable for the loan if you lose the house (or the difference in the short sale price). And - since you have an attorney - advise the bank to speak only to him (or her) you pay them to deal with the stress. Tell the attorney your goal. Be it short sale, refinance, or whatever. Then - when the bank decides to offer the short sale number, your attorney will be able to work out the details. It will be FAR more expensive in the long run to do this without an attorney.

 

[mom2alix]

mom2alix - please just make sure your attorney insures you will not be held liable for the loan if you lose the house (or the difference in the short sale price). And - since you have an attorney - advise the bank to speak only to him (or her) you pay them to deal with the stress. Tell the attorney your goal. Be it short sale, refinance, or whatever. Then - when the bank decides to offer the short sale number, your attorney will be able to work out the details. It will be FAR more expensive in the long run to do this without an attorney.

I'm not the OP, nor in her situation, but Candlz - You are so right. Most of us are lucky, not smart. I posted earlier because I fully realize how lucky we are that we are not in that situation and how easily it could happen to any of us. All it takes is a job loss that requires a relocation. How long can any of us afford to maintain two residences? OP has done this for 2 years. I completely understand why she is stressed and hope she can get this resolved so she can get the stress out of her life.

 

[Candlz]

Sorry about that!

 

[MomToOne]

If your attorney is not a bankruptcy attorney, go talk to one and see what they say about your situation. My sister is a personal bankruptcy attorney, they are not all evil (My sister says the reason she works in personal bankruptcy is that when clients walk into her office they feel like the world is completely falling apart and can barely hold it together - often they can't! - and by the time they leave, she's taken a load off their shoulders and they can even smile again!)

Now, I'm not saying to claim bankruptcy when you don't need to. But talking to an attorney will help you understand whether or not it is the right choice in your case, how it will impact you and for how long, given your particular situation. Just because it is on your credit report for 7 years does not mean you will be completely unable to get credit for 7 years.

 

[WheelCEO]

Belle - I am sorry - this statement is just wrong. The 'people bought houses they couldn't afford' is a load of junk. If you doubt it than walk into a car dealership and try to get a load for a car that is way out of your price range. They won't approve you for the loan. The banks went after as many people as they could and talked them into these loans that they (the banks) knew full well were garbage.

My family owns a real estate firm and let me tell you that during the "bubble", there were PLENTY of people buying houses that they couldn't afford. Why do you think there are such tough restrictions now on mortgages and thousands of mortgage brokers went to jail for mortgage fraud. Heck, the FBI opened up a branch in miami JUST to deal with all of the mortgage fraud. A personal friend of mine was making $5/hr as a delivery driver at a restaurant, yes $5/hr + tips and bought a $250k house... his thought process "oh it will keep going up in value, I'll refinance and cash out". Not saying that this was EVERYONE, but to say that banks "forced" people into loans is absurd. If I make $30,000/month and you try to sell me a house for $28,000/month, common sense tells me that I can't afford that home.

Not to stir the pot, as I do feel bad for the OP. At this point, go for a short sale. You do need to get a real estate agent who is familiar with short sales and works with an attorney to facilitate it properly. Some banks DO require you to pay the deficiency.

 

[Scrap4me]

There comes a time when you have to put your health first and your credit 2nd. You have reached that point.
My husband (of 21 years) and I purchased our first ever home in 2007, just months before the market hit the skids. This home was perfect for us. We bought the right amount of home for our income, but you can never see what the future will bring. A month after our first payment, my husband was severely injured on the job and was on worker's comp for 2 months. Having just purchased our home, our savings was depleted so we fell behind, but got it worked out. Then, 6 months after getting past the bump, his company went out of business, literally overnight, so...full paycheck to unemployment for 3 months...guess what happened...behind again, through no fault of our own. We had worked out a repayment arrangement with our mortgage company (in writing and everything) then our mortgage company was purchased my the big JP Morgan chase..they refused to honor our standing agreement with the previous company, even though we had been upholding our part of the agreement, and began foreclosure proceedings immediately. They gave us 15 days to come up with the 3 late payments, 2 on time payments and all of their lawyers and filing fees!!! Even with our re-established savings we were only half way there. I was on the edge of a true breakdown when my husband and I decided it was better to walk away and save our health, our sanity, and our marriage.
You have reached a point where you must realize that your credit can handle the hit it will take, but not your health. Yes, our homes tend to become extensions of ourselves that we invest so much in, but please remember....a house can be replaced...you can not.......
Good luck with your choices,,

 

[sookie]

Have you considered refinancing the home?
That is an option if you have owned it for a few years and still have years to pay on it.

Not paying your mortgage is not the right thing to do - it is going to wreck your credit, and THAT, my friend, is financial ruin that takes YEARS to resolve.

Have you contacted a professional financial adviser?
If you haven't do it today to talk about what your options are.

You could always refinance the house, rent it out through a property management company, and as long as your COSTS are covered, your problem is solved.

The American Dream is longer home ownership - when back execs walked away with the equity in YOUR home as THEIR golden parachute, the American Dream took a huge splat on the pavement from the 100th floor.
Owning real estate isn't fun - it's constant work. For the person who doesn't know how to maintain a home, or isn't going to be settled in one location for long, renting is a much better option as the cost of rent is much lower than the situation you are in right now - rent you can walk away from, a mortgage payment you can't.

Don't lose the money you have put into this property - while you may be underwater, you aren't dead in the water. Fight to keep it, and fight to make it an asset - not a liability.

Talk to a professional and explore ALL of your options before driving your credit score into the ground. When you credit score suffers - credit becomes more expensive, and that's something that you really can't afford!

At the end of the day, this isn't the worst thing that could happen to you. Don't focus on the negative, focus on making the negative a positive!

Thinking about you and praying for you!

even if you have the cash, it is darn near impossible to get a refi loan on a home that is not your primary property and if it is vacant - you are screwed. if you do it as an investment property you have to have 20% equity at least. Which the OP doesnt have because of dropping home values.

OP -I am so, so sorry. I am the same sort of person as you and the thought just makes me sick. I said a quick prayer for you and your health. Take care.

 

[sookie]

Thank you for your advice. I need to let it go, but it just feels awful. My attorney has advisd me not to speak with the bank at all anymore. She told me not to take their calls for that reason. I tried working with them and they were rude, mean, and flat out lied to me on several occasions.

It was probably bank of america!
Can you do a deed in leiu of forclosure and just - get it over with? thats what i would be tempted to do. Or are you going to try to see if you can get them to short sale again later?

 

[sookie]

Belle - I am sorry - this statement is just wrong. The 'people bought houses they couldn't afford' is a load of junk. If you doubt it than walk into a car dealership and try to get a load for a car that is way out of your price range. They won't approve you for the loan. The banks went after as many people as they could and talked them into these loans that they (the banks) knew full well were garbage. I remember getting call after call after call from companies offering to refinance us at less that 1% interest. We were lucky - not smart - but lucky because we didn't fall for it. I remember the temptation so well though.

Rafiki31 - please just make sure your attorney insures you will not be held liable for the loan if you lose the house (or the difference in the short sale price). And - since you have an attorney - advise the bank to speak only to him (or her) you pay them to deal with the stress. Tell the attorney your goal. Be it short sale, refinance, or whatever. Then - when the bank decides to offer the short sale number, your attorney will be able to work out the details. It will be FAR more expensive in the long run to do this without an attorney.

No it is true - the oddball mortgages lead a lot of people to defaulting too. And some people were loaned money on homes who were not financially stable.

 

[Candlz]

to say that banks "forced" people into loans is absurd. If I make $30,000/month and you try to sell me a house for $28,000/month, common sense tells me that I can't afford that home.

I didn't say they were "forced" I said the banks went after people with these garbage loans. They did - there is no point arguing about it - it is a fact. I clearly remember 3 - 4 calls a night with the amazing refi offers. I am not saying the banks are 100% to blame - but I will say they are more than 90%. They appealed to peoples desire to want more than they had and in many cases that I have heard - they convinced people they could afford it - telling them down the road they could refi and life would be great. Yes, people need to know better - but when an 'expert' is telling you something that you want to believe, it is easy to fall for it.

Typing this - knowing you will continue thinking 'people bought more house than they could afford' and I will continue thinking the banks are guilty of predatory lending, makes me think of the quote "there are 3 sides to every story - yours, mine and the truth"