Does anyone require their teens to pay for anything?

[momof2gr8kids]

I think it's fair. Our first trip we had Disney piggy banks from the dollar store for the kids that couldn't be opened without a can opener and they saved money from allowances and b-days etc. for their spending money - they were 6 and 9 then. It's not like it was much, although $2 they couldn't spend on a bag of candy at the corner store probably was to them, but I think it's good to give kids an incentive and a goal and see that things don't magically appear - you have to work for it. No matter what age they are.

Also, since you are from Canada, do either of her parents collect air miles? Or any grandparents? You can get Disney tickets through airmiles for free. If you have an avid airmiles collector in the household that might make a great gift for her. (Check out the Canadian Board on here if you're looking for more info on how to maximize earning airmiles!).

Also, check if your parents have a credit card that includes emergency medical protection out of country. Many do, and if her trip is booked on one of those credit cards, she may be covered as a dependent. (Fellow Canadian here!)

I think you're a pretty fantastic sister! BTW, if she's worried about missing out on school work, it might be cheaper to pay for a tutor for a few sessions if needed and pull her out of school during a cheaper time. We did that one year as my dd was starting a whole unit on math and we didn't want her to get behind.

 

[ENJDisneyFan]

OP, first I want to say that your sister is very lucky to have you. The fact that you are even trying to take her on this trip is awesome in my book. That said, I'm a little confused by the post. In your OP you stated "I proposed that in order for her to not miss school, but for us to still afford a trip to Disney, she may need to start babysitting on her weekends to help out with some of her flight as well as bring some spending money."

To me that implies you need her contribution in order to make the trip work....and if she isn't able to help you won't be able to go.
But in later posts you stated that you only want her to save up a little money, maybe $100, towards spending money. Which is it? If it's the former I would say absolutely NO, a 12 year old should not have the burden of actually helping to finance the vacation. But if it's truly the latter, then absolutely yes, it's fine to have her save up some spending money.

 

[crisi]

OP, first I want to say that your sister is very lucky to have you. The fact that you are even trying to take her on this trip is awesome in my book. That said, I'm a little confused by the post. In your OP you stated "I proposed that in order for her to not miss school, but for us to still afford a trip to Disney, she may need to start babysitting on her weekends to help out with some of her flight as well as bring some spending money."

To me that implies you need her contribution in order to make the trip work....and if she isn't able to help you won't be able to go.
But in later posts you stated that you only want her to save up a little money, maybe $100, towards spending money. Which is it? If it's the former I would say absolutely NO, a 12 year old should not have the burden of actually helping to finance the vacation. But if it's truly the latter, then absolutely yes, it's fine to have her save up some spending money.

I'm the opposite - if the only way they can go on this vacation is if the 12 year old finds a way to pitch in, then she needs to pitch in. If the 24 year old can afford the whole shebang, then take the sister. Twelve year olds need to know that vacations don't happen on silver platters, just like 24 year olds - and that life isn't fair

But most 24 year olds are going to have a hard time affording their student loans, car payment and rent - while handling the other parts of adulting like starting a 401k and pulling together an emergency fund. And all of that needs to happen before ANYONE goes on vacation - and stretching her budget to just get her on vacation might leave other important things out of the mix.

It may be far more realistic for the girls to decide that Disney for the younger sibling needs to be a long term goal (unless the parents come through), and that they will go when she is 16 or 18 - my kids at 18 and 19 sometimes seem to have more money than I do!

 

[hsmamato2]

***Warning: Long post. Please read to the end, I want some incite:***

Hey, guys! I've been a long time listener of the Dis unplugged podcast, but just joined the boards today. I have some questions that I wanted to get answered before planning my next Disney Trip, and wanted to see what you guys thought.

First, I wanted to say that I am 24, and my sister is 12, and we share the same mother but have different fathers. With that being said, our up-bringing was different from another in some ways. Growing up, I went on cruises and trips to Disney with my dad's side of the family. Her father's side of the family isn't really a Disney family at all. Back in 2016, I came into a financial situation where I was able to take my sister, who was 10 at the time, on her very first trip to Disney. I was overjoyed and thrilled to make this happen for us. It was supposed to be a "one time" thing, but of course she fell in love (who could blame her?) and really wants to go back. I also would love to go back, but taking on the entire cost AGAIN just isn't logical or responsible.

Her and I had a talk about money, and with her being 12, I didn't want to burden her too much, but I did say that the reality of Disney is that it isn't cheap. Even taking the cheapest route, it's still comes with a hefty price tag. We discussed that going in a slower season where deals are promoted to get people into the parks possibly would require her to miss some school, which she didn't like the idea of. She doesn't enjoy missing school (so opposite of me when I was her age), which is understandable, but if we go during a peak season, like Spring break, or anytime during summer, prices will hike up, and so will the crowds, etc. I proposed that in order for her to not miss school, but for us to still afford a trip to Disney, she may need to start babysitting on her weekends to help out with some of her flight as well as bring some spending money. Her dad and our mother gave her some money as well as had her do some chores the last time we went so she had money to spend, but other than that, everything was on me.

Do you guys think I am being unfair by asking for at least SOMETHING? I think it would teach her the true cost of what it takes to travel and how valuable saving up money is. She will be 13 by the time we go, and I don't think that's an unfair request. What do you guys think? Am I being too harsh, or taking the magic out of it? Part of me feels guilty for asking for some help on her end because when I went as a child and preteen, I was never expected to pay, but I also feel like I'm being fair because I paid for her entire trip last time, and still will pay for the majority of this one, I just think adding some incentive to the deal may help her understand how expensive going to Disney really is.

Any suggestions or ideas on how to get her to earn some money, and I am in the wrong for wanting her to contribute something?

I like your style! I think b/c you two are sisters,you're not the parent, this is great..... it's more of a partnership experience- neither of you can afford to go on your own, but together, you can make it work! I'm betting you'll have a great time!

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I think asking a 12 year old to contribute for their souvenirs is perfectly fine. Helping to pay for flights, tickets and lodging is wrong IMO. If it were my 12 year old and her older sibling wanted to take her somewhere I would foot the bill for the younger one. My kids are 18 and 12. Neither pays for anything on vacation. I pay for everything but that's my treat to them. My 18 year old pays for all of his own clothes, shoes, toiletries, etc so I don't mind footing the bill for our vacation. Now next year I will have him start contributing to a portion of his trips. But not my 12 year old.

 

[vacamom4]

" Maybe I need to flip the narrative and ask that they help with her flight, and she fronts her own spending money versus just being given money to spend."

This. IMO, it's not really your job to teach her responsibility, that's her parents' job. However, having her earn her spending money is fine. I tell my kids to save up their money when we're planning a trip so they can purchase their own souvenirs, extra snacks, etc. I would go to her parents and ask them what they are willing to chip in. You're a great sister.

 

[Bethislucy]

There is nothing wrong with her earning some money to contribute. I had to earn money for extra trips and stuff when I was kid (not the family vacation but extra stuff) my nephew had a chance to go to Disney with his 7th grade class and he had to earn 1/2 the money and his parents paid the rest of it. He was 13 at the time and he wanted to go so he did things like cutting grass and yard work for neighbors and family. The thing about these boards is people have different backgrounds so what seems crazy to some is perfectly normal to others. It's not like you are saying she is going without necessities to live, this is a privilege her life won't end if she doesn't go to Disney. It's a perk and nothing in life is free and a little work never hurt anyone. Like you said it will help her learn some responsibility.

 

[leahgoogle]

I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to ask for her to contribute, especially if Mom and Dad can't afford it. When I was 12, my best friend and her family were going to California on vacation and asked if I wanted to come. They paid for lodging and food, but I was responsible for airfare and souvenir money. My parents couldn't afford to put money towards this. I worked (babysitting and at my Dad's job) to come up with the money. It taught me a lot about the value of working for what you want. That being said, I was fortunate that I had a way to earn good money at that age. I see nothing wrong with asking her to contribute based on her means of earning money, be it chores, baby-sitting, birthday cash, ect.

 

[marcyleecorgan]

I think it is AWESOME that you would like her to feel pride and accomplishment by earning some money and contributing in any way to the trip. Focus on THAT fact, not so much the dollar amount.

Because you know, we know, everybody knows Disney is expensive and you are likely to all need to be saving up some money for a year or two right?

Happy planning! I hope you have a wonderful time.

 

[allison443]

Her and I had a talk about money, and with her being 12, I didn't want to burden her too much, but I did say that the reality of Disney is that it isn't cheap. Even taking the cheapest route, it's still comes with a hefty price tag. We discussed that going in a slower season where deals are promoted to get people into the parks possibly would require her to miss some school, which she didn't like the idea of. She doesn't enjoy missing school (so opposite of me when I was her age), which is understandable, but if we go during a peak season, like Spring break, or anytime during summer, prices will hike up, and so will the crowds, etc. I proposed that in order for her to not miss school, but for us to still afford a trip to Disney, she may need to start babysitting on her weekends to help out with some of her flight as well as bring some spending money. Her dad and our mother gave her some money as well as had her do some chores the last time we went so she had money to spend, but other than that, everything was on me.

It sounds like the younger sister brought her own spending money on the last trip, and I think that's fine to have her do that again. JMO but I don't think it's fair to tell her that because she is conscientious and doesn't want to miss school, this trip can't happen unless she pays for her flight. I am getting mixed messages from your posts---is it about teaching her responsibility, or you really cannot afford the trip unless she pays the extra $100 you mentioned in one of your posts? The responsibility can come from earning her own spending money, and there are way to save $100 on the entire cost of a Disney trip.

Hopefully it works out and you guys have a great trip!

 

[Colleen27]

I wouldn't do it with a kid that age because they're so limited in their ability to earn money. We don't pay for chores - that's just a responsibility that comes with being part of a household - and I don't know parents who hire young teens to babysit any more. Until 15-16, the only real money-making kids do in my area is shoveling snow/raking leaves and even that is tough because other kids do the same things for free to use as service hours for school/church/honor society. Expecting her to come up with her own spending money out of allowance/gifts is one thing; setting up a situation where taking the trip at all depends on the ability of a too-young-to-work child's ability to contribute is just setting up her up for frustration and failure.

 

[Eureka]

I would never expect a kid to have to pay for part of a trip. If her parents want to help, great. Otherwise it is all on you IMO.

I kind of agree with this, except for the spending money part. I feel like this is a conversation you have to have with your mom. Talk to her about how much she is willing to pitch in for your sister. This isn't going to come out right, but the way you've framed it almost sounds like you are making decisions (re: talking to your sister about paying for some of it) that are really your mom's to make. Or your mom and sister or all three of you.

 

[amy1115]

I just wanted to clear up any confusion--

I didn't think your post was confusing at all. I think you are being more than fair by having her pay for something small on the trip. We have our daughter save birthday and Christmas money to use for spending on our trips, but there are a lot of things that a 12/13 year old can do to earn money if you get creative enough about it. She should definitely learn now that vacations are expensive, so that she's not shocked to find out different later on. I hope you two get to go and that you have a great time!

 

[Colleen27]

Weird double post.

 

[HeatherC]

While I think it is very nice of you to want to take your sister, I am not understandingthe part of teaching her responsibility. That is your mom and her dad's job not yours.

when I was 21, I took my younger sister to California when she was 12. I could not have imagined asking her to pay for any of it at that age. Souvenir money? Sure. But paying for part of the trip at 12 is just something I would ever ask a 12 year old to pay for.

 

[KellyHonos]

I don't think it's reasonable to ask a 12yo to pay for part of a trip, beyond her own spending money.

Interesting that your title says "teen", but she's not even a teen yet. An older child that could hold a part-time job--they might be able to kick in a couple hundred dollars.

Looking bigger picture, I'm a little concerned about your priorities for her. You ask her to consider skipping school to go on a cheaper vacation--that's really not your call. I know some parents choose to do this, but that's on them--they're also the ones who would deal with any fallout (lower grades, truancy notices, tons of make-up work, whatever). Have you also considered, if her parents can't afford a Disney vacation for her, they might not be able to afford college, either? And if this child did have the opportunity to earn money, college savings might be a better goal for her? My youngest visited a college campus with his fourth grade class, because 10 is not too young to be thinking about their future. My 14yo already has college plans (that do change, sometimes), and we're planning on visiting campuses with her this coming summer.

Maybe you should look more at encouraging this young lady to working hard, getting a degree and then a good job, so she can then go on fancy vacations on her own dime. I know that's not the solution you're looking for, but I have to say, I tell this to my kids all the time, when they want something I won't pay for: Work hard. get good grades. Go to a good college. Get a good job. Earn lots of money. Buy your own XXX.

With all due respect, I don't appreciate your assumptions of me. My sister is very intelligent and is in accelerated classes, on a swim team and two soccer teams. I'm very happy you take education so seriously and take your children to college campuses at young ages, but kids should be kids and ENJOY life. I take offense to your comparisons because you're coming across very judgmental and you don't know how over worked this child is. Also, I said "teen" because we were planning to go when she was...you guessed it.. a TEEN. I was sharing her age as it is today, trying to explain our age difference.

I'm not trying to attack you, but sincerely, kids deserve to have fun and relax. She is on sports teams, plays an instrument and as I said is in accelerated classes. She also attends a school district with a lot of jewish holidays, and we are not jewish, so these days off are not spent doing anything. By "missing" school, I was referring to taking a week where she had 2 days off already and would only miss 3. I didn't feel the need to share that because it's really no one's business, but since you brought it up, there ya go.

Thanks

 

[KellyHonos]

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO OFFERED ENCOURAGEMENT AND ADVICE! I really appreciate the feedback. When it's all said and done, all I'm trying to do is make my sister happy. That's really all it comes down to.

 

[Dakota731]

I don't see anything wrong with asking your sister to help - maybe she has birthday or Christmas money she can contribute. Maybe allowance or babysitting money can be saved. Heck I babysat a lot at age 12. I know 12 year olds nowadays are babied more and actually closer to 8 year olds back in our day! And I'm guilty of it myself too, but I think we shelter and make life too easy on our kids nowadays - I'm old I know! But I actually had a lot of money saved up by the time I was thirteen. My dad taught me the value of a dollar and opened a passbook savings account for me - it was a valuable life lesson and to this day I never spend beyond my means. I bought all my own clothes and beauty supplies at age 13 and I never thought that was unreasonable.

 

[QueenIsabella]

With all due respect, I don't appreciate your assumptions of me. My sister is very intelligent and is in accelerated classes, on a swim team and two soccer teams. I'm very happy you take education so seriously and take your children to college campuses at young ages, but kids should be kids and ENJOY life. I take offense to your comparisons because you're coming across very judgmental and you don't know how over worked this child is. Also, I said "teen" because we were planning to go when she was...you guessed it.. a TEEN. I was sharing her age as it is today, trying to explain our age difference.

I'm not trying to attack you, but sincerely, kids deserve to have fun and relax. She is on sports teams, plays an instrument and as I said is in accelerated classes. She also attends a school district with a lot of jewish holidays, and we are not jewish, so these days off are not spent doing anything. By "missing" school, I was referring to taking a week where she had 2 days off already and would only miss 3. I didn't feel the need to share that because it's really no one's business, but since you brought it up, there ya go.

Thanks

Okay, so she's already got all this pressure on her, and you want to put a 12yo under MORE pressure by having her help pay for the trip? Seriously?

Also, if she's involved with all these activities and accelerated classes, that makes it MORE difficult for her to miss school--you get that, right? She'll get behind quickly. I happened to have 4 kids--all were in accelerated classes--and they didn't ever want to miss school, for anything, once they hit middle school. I have a tough time getting them to stay home sick!

And for the record, taking a 15yo to a college campus isn't too young--my DD14 (15 in May) already has very specific college plans. She's actually been on several college campuses for special math and music programs. We have a specific issue with her, in that she won't consider any in-state college, so we want her to actually SEE in-state campuses before she writes them off her list. She's my third kid, so I have some idea at how quickly the college thing can sneak up on you.

We can completely agree that kids need to have fun and relax. If your sister has a full schedule during the school year, she definitely deserves a break for summer and holidays--no question. But, that break doesn't have to be an expensive trip to a theme park where she's given the added burden of earning her way to go. I think that's a lot to put on a 12/13yo. I think you should be talking to her parents about ways that you and she can have some great times together, whether locally or traveling, that enrich her life and allow her to have fun.

 

[Karenj2]

KellyHonos - You are such a kind and considerate sister!!

I think asking her to contribute to the trip is completely fair. Show her the expenses/costs - she's old enough that she should understand that trips aren't free, and that just because she loves to go and you took her for free once doesn't mean that it's always going to happen that way. Involve her with saving for the trip (have a garage sale, sell lemonade, dog sit, mommy's helper - of course all with her parent's permission.) Budgeting is something I think ALL kids (earlier than 12) should know how to do.

But most importantly, don't go until you've saved the money up - don't go into any debt to make your sister happy.

We're going to Disney in August - when our three girls (7, 5 & 5) have their birthdays, and if asked, we're going to ask that people give Disney GCs for their souvenirs.