Dinner conversation question…

[clh2]

This was the situation…I was out to eat at a pizza place, with my dad, 2 nieces, 2 sisters, one BIL and DH.

The group was unable to move off the topic of colonoscopies.

I asked them to change topics, tried to change the conversation to something else. UGGH…they just stayed on this topic.

So-am I the stick-in-the mud, or was this just an inconsiderate topic?

 

[cabanafrau]

Inconsiderate topic, particularly if politely requested to shut it down.

 

[Kennywood]

Total inappropriate dinner conversation.

You and you sisters could have tried to one-up them and talk about gynecological visits and exams. That will certainly make men uncomfortable.

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

I think anything is fair play and I see nothing wrong with talking about colonoscopies while eating.
Maybe that's because my mom was a nurse in a hospital setting?

 

[CAPSLOCK]

Were you the only one not engaging in the conversation?

I think it's fine, but then I worked in an animal shelter for 15yrs so I've had lots of "bodily functions" conversations, including while eating. In fact it was rare to have a day with no one mentioning something gross.

That said, if there were just 2 people discussing it and they were politely asked to change the subject, that would be the polite thing to do at that point.

 

[soccerdad72]

Total inappropriate dinner conversation.

You and you sisters could have tried to one-up them and talk about gynecological visits and exams. That will certainly make men uncomfortable.

Colonoscopies aren't a male specific procedure. The sisters could have just as easily been part of the problem.

I agree, it's not great dinner conversation.

 

[cabanafrau]

I think anything is fair play and I see nothing wrong with talking about colonoscopies while eating.
Maybe that's because my mom was a nurse in a hospital setting?

If the discussion puts off your dining companions you don't see a need to take their situation into consideration based on the fact it doesn't bother you? Isn't that precisely what it means to be inconsiderate?

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

If the discussion puts off your dining companions you don't see a need to take their situation into consideration based on the fact it doesn't bother you? Isn't that precisely what it means to be inconsiderate?

OP asked if they were a stick in the mud or if it was an inconsiderate topic.
I don't see where the TOPIC was inconsiderate. Its not like OP gave us context as to why they are so uncomfortable with others discussing the topic.
And I don't have to consider the OP's feelings as I was not the one eating with OP.
I'm just giving my opinion that the topic was perfectly acceptable in my eyes.

 

[lanejudy]

Were they discussing the prep? the procedure? the recommendations for when and how often one should have a colonoscopy? I can see how some aspects could be unpleasant discussion while eating. While it probably wouldn't have bothered me, if someone asked to change the subject I would go along with a different topic. Did you offer up an alternative topic?

 

[cabanafrau]

OP asked if they were a stick in the mud or if it was an inconsiderate topic.
I don't see where the TOPIC was inconsiderate. Its not like OP gave us context as to why they are so uncomfortable with others discussing the topic.
And I don't have to consider the OP's feelings as I was not the one eating with OP.
I'm just giving my opinion that the topic was perfectly acceptable in my eyes.

OP did say they requested a topic change, tried to raise an alternate topic, so I took those factors into account. IMO it's entirely different if all parties are comfortable with the topic.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I think anything is fair play and I see nothing wrong with talking about colonoscopies while eating.
Maybe that's because my mom was a nurse in a hospital setting?

I work with volunteer groups of doctors. One was a group of pathologists. I'll remember a LOT of those dinner conversations for years to come. <<shudder>>

I would say that they were inconsiderate, particularly after you asked them to change the subject. I have one that always works in any situation: "Well, how about those Mets?" Raising your voice helps a little as well.

Doesn't matter if it's the middle of winter. Or in Chicagoland. I get the point across that the subject should be changed, with a little humor thrown in.

 

[Disneylover99]

If the discussion puts off your dining companions you don't see a need to take their situation into consideration based on the fact it doesn't bother you? Isn't that precisely what it means to be inconsiderate?

I think the context of the conversation is important.

If someone is asking questions about the procedure cause they’re nervous about an upcoming colonoscopy, it could be considered inconsiderate to ask to change the subject.

 

[cabanafrau]

I think the context of the conversation is important.

If someone is asking questions about the procedure cause they’re nervous about an upcoming colonoscopy, it could be considered inconsiderate to ask to change the subject.

That's information we don't have based on OP's post. I didn't say it was a forbidden topic, merely inconsiderate under the circumstances as outlined. As I said above, it's fair game if all parties are agreeable to the topic.

 

[fly girl]

I don’t find the topic inconsiderate, but I find it inconsiderate that after asking and attempting to change the subject it still occurred.

Were you meek about it, or adamant that you didn’t like the topic at the dinner table? Honestly though, it’s family, I can see if you were the only one out of the eight that objected they kept going. Not exactly polite, but that’s family for ya!

I grew up with a physician (mom), and the dinner table discussions were very open. The only one my dad and I (sister was in college and away) said stop - too much was about a STD. I won’t even go into context as it is was graphic, but every once in a while it gets mentioned, “remember when mom said this at dinner?!” So needless to say, colonoscopies are not anything I would bat an eye over. But everyone is different.

IMHO, beat the daylights out of politics!

 

[disykat]

I don’t find the topic inconsiderate, but I find it inconsiderate that after asking and attempting to change the subject it still occurred.

This. If someone has made it clear that the conversation is ruining their dinner, it is very rude to continue. The fact that it was in a restaurant makes it way worse for several reasons. OP couldn't just leave and other people around you may have been forced to listen too.

 

[John VN]

IMO, every person should be aware of the need for a colonoscopy and be able to openly discuss it. As for being at a dinner setting in a restaurant if one of the individuals present has an issue with the topic, time to take poop off the table.

 

[fla4fun]

People have different sensitivities when it comes to conversations about medical procedures. There are many medical procedures that I get nauseous over if discussed during a meal. I would have hoped that family would have been aware of the OP’s ability to handle (or not) candid medical conversations while dining. However, since the OP did ask them to change the subject, and then tried to change it themselves, I feel the other family members were rude to continue the conversation at that particular time. They could have talked after dinner in another location. They could have talked on the phone when they got home. They could have continued their discussion in place after the OP left the restaurant at the end of the meal. Unless they were planning to have a colonoscopy at the restaurant I see no urgency to continue at that moment, and they had many other options for having their discussion within a reasonable period of time.

 

[AppleDumpling]

I personally prefer to keep my medical issues private, so it’s not a topic I’d be discussing with a group in public. If others choose to do so, it wouldn’t bother me, however, if someone made it known that they were uncomfortable and asked to change the subject, as you did OP, then IMO yes, that is inconsiderate. Also assuming the nieces are adults? I wouldn’t discuss something of that nature with children present.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My husband's family has some very interesting dinner, dessert and just random sitting around the table conversations. I'm well used to it now.

I think that inconsiderate topic may not be the appropriate (no ironic nature here intended) description. You might mean inappropriate topic which is a YMMV and situational thing. Some families have no issue discussing xyz at the table. You might be meaning asking if it was inconsiderate of them to ignore your request.

One person not wanting the conversation to continue vs potentially the rest of the table being fine with it (even actively engaging in the conversation themselves) it may behoove you to do your best to ignore it. At least what was described it wasn't just one or two other people with the OP the lone one out it was 7 vs 1 (that counts the OP's spouse who it wasn't mentioned if they were or were not part of the group). It can be perceived as rude to ask the conversation to be moved away just for one person if the rest of the table is fine/actively discussing it.

I don't think any one person has to like a conversation going on but I think we also have to understand how the room is reading and just because we find something not a topic to our liking doesn't mean we can then force others to change that topic. I do think it's completely okay to politely request a change in topic but if it doesn't happen and assuming the OP could not leave the table thus removing themselves from the situation it probably will fall on just doing your best to ignore what is being discussed.

 

[HopperFan]

I don't think the dinner table, especially out in public, is the place for medical, bodily function etc discussions. I'm not interested in anyone's medical issues away from the table so I def don't want to discuss them and colon processes while I am trying to eat.

Their disregard to your request was rude and inconsiderate. If I were that bothered, depending on where we were at in the meal, I might have left. Sometimes the only way to get folks to understand the appropriateness of the conversation AT DINNER, is walk away. And perhaps to them talking about bodily functions and rotor rooter is normal, maybe you should skip dining with them for awhile. If they ask, tell them why.

Personally I have gotten up and left many conversations when they moved in to territory that I don't discuss with others. This is magnified because the the subject was WHILE DINING. AND when I have been in conversations when someone says they really don't want to talk about that ... I very happily change the subject because if I want to converse with someone ~ I don't want them uncomfortable.