Birthday party at restaurant - who pays?

[DaisyD]

I've never heard of being invited to a party then being expected to pay for it. I don;t care if it is at a restaurant or someone's house. It is tacky! I can see if it were a work party where everyone decides to go to a restaurant and treat the co worker to a party. Your mother should have picked up the tab for everyone. I hope you told her that when the checks came and that no one had to actually pay for a party they were invited to. I would have told the host, since it was my mother, right then and there that she was going to have to pay since she had the party.

 

[DaisyD]

so I think for the most part we are on the same page....had mom said hey guys, we're meetin gup at XYZ for a dinner/birthday celebration....however this was a planned thing, sep room, etc with well advanced invites....

QUOTE]


So this was an ivitation party? Yes it was wrong and it was also wrong that no one told your mother the correct way of doing it. If it were me at the party I would have passed that check right back to your dear mother. LOL!

 

[SplshMtn99]

I think it depends on how the "invitation" was approached.

When DH & I turned 40 within 3 weeks of each other, we knew no one would throw us a party & we didn't want anyone to. BUT we did want to go out to eat & we thought having some people along would be nice.

So, I sent a casual email to a few friends & some family saying "DH & I are going out to eat for our birthdays. If anyone is interested in joining us, let me know."

There was no confusion & no one seemed taken aback. DH & I paid for our meals....didn't expect anyone else to pay for them. And it didn't seem anyone was expecting us to pay for them. It was an inexpensive family style meal, so the bill was just divided per person. I think we had about 15 people - which was a surprise since most were from neighboring states.

 

[ozarkmom]

If I receive a party invitation I assume the host is paying. If someone just calls and says we're going out to dinner for Susie's birthday do you want to come, I assume we're paying for ourselves and every splits the bill of the birthday person's meal.

Same here.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Ewww.

Totally tacky. I have never gone out to an invited dinner where I had to pay! If asked to pay my share, I would but think to myself cheap, cheap cheap.

I had 40 people to Greektown for my husband's 30th birthday and never expected anyone to pay - I paid for everything. This was a casual invite - I called everyone and said I am having a celebration, come join us.

Not - my husband is having a birthday - come pay for your own dinner.

I invited you - you were my guest.

 

[princess pooh]

We go anticipating to pay our own and a couple of times for a family party--the tab was picked up for us by a sibling.

Ditto. Most of my friends do restaurant get togethers for their birthdays and only once has the host picked up my check.

 

[lil mermaid]

If I receive a party invitation I assume the host is paying. If someone just calls and says we're going out to dinner for Susie's birthday do you want to come, I assume we're paying for ourselves and every splits the bill of the birthday person's meal.

That is how we do it - unless the invitation is issued by my Mother in Law. Then I will assume that we will be going to the best restaurant in town, and WE will pay for it.

 

[disneymom3]

That is how we do it - unless the invitation is issued by my Mother in Law. Then I will assume that we will be going to the best restaurant in town, and WE will pay for it.

This sounds exactly like a friend of mine! Her parents invited them out to dinner for some event--I think it was my friend's birthday--and she and her DH had to pay for dinner! They went into it knowing that they were going to be expected to pick up the tab so for them I guess it was not a surprise! With my in laws, there are plenty of times we go into it assuming we will pay for our family and then FIL picks up everyone's tab. My mom would have done that too.

As for the OP, if it was in a party room and people were invited, then I would have assumed as a guest that it was being paid for, but would have been prepared to pay just in case. If it's just a bunch of friends getting together, then we always know we are going to pay. Some friends of ours always invite everyone to go out to dinner for each of their birthdays(with everyone paying their own bill.) They used to always bring a cake, but now the restaurant they like to go to has a sign saying people are not allowed to bring in an outside cake. Which makes sense to me as they have a bakery there and actually sell cakes. We went out wiht them last week and I made a guess to myself that they would probably just get the cake from there due to this new policy. Nope! There was no cake at all! Now that, I found funny!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I agree with you completely! But it all comes down to communication and making sure everyone knows.

I would assume that everyone did.

I would also assume that unless I did some type of formal invitation to imply I was HOSTING the event--then I would expect to pay for everyone.

If I say "hey let's get together for such and such on sucha sucha date" I think it is poor etiquette to assume you will be paid for just b/c someone was the first to suggest it.

Of course I don't live in a big city and I guess I learned my manners under a rock.

When we treat--we will say so. I guess in my circle--noone assumes that just b/c it wasn't their idea that they are getting a free meal.

Now for the OP's clarification that invitations were issued and there was a separate room, I could very easily see how someone would misunderstand b/c that would be implying that she is actually hosting.