Aspie Moms, what's the strangest phone call from school you've gotten?

[Starr W.]

Oldest DS used to be really bad about answering the door but not telling us.

I remember once I was in the bathroom, and I came out and the Tool Man was standing in our living room. DH was a mechanic and this is the Tool Man in the big truck. The Tool Man felt a bit awkward being let into the house by a child, so he stayed right by the door. But DS just went back to his computer game and left him there and didn't come get me.

Fortunately, it really was the tool man, and I knew him. DS got quite a lecture. And he said, of course, that the tool man was wearing the tool shirt and driving the tool truck, so he wasn't a stranger. Ugh! I know he isn't, but #1 tell me when someone's knocking please (gee, at least I was dressed when I walked into the room!) and #2 he doesn't need to be making the call on who's a stranger and who isn't.

I also remember once there were salespeople at our door, or maybe religious people, and they had a little girl with them, and DS invited her in to play. I said no no no, and he told me that "bad people" don't have little kids with them. I see his logic, but still... no no no.

I've finally gotten him to the point that if someone knocks at the door and I don't hear it, he just starts yelling from where he is (usually at the Wii) that someone is at the door and will continue yelling until I go answer it. The problem is that he often talks to the tv when he's playing, so I don't pay too much attention when I hear him, and then our friends end up on the porch for five minutes freezing.

Mine doesn't answer the door. Even if it's when we are expecting someone and he knows it, he won't(unless DH yells at him, "it's only your Aunt, Gram etc.)

 

[kaffinito]

My oldest was thirteen before he figured out what a stranger was. The youngest is more cautious - he won't talk to anyone without knowing that they are "safe". It helps that he is also has an anxiety disorder and that he's afraid of being lost or talking to strangers.

John knows to go to a CM at WDW if lost so he can get help. I also write my phone number on his chest so they can call me if he does get lost. I don't worry too much about that either - if he can't find me he runs around screaming his head off so loudly that I never have to worry about losing him in a crowd!!

I also don't worry about him going out to play, he will stick around the house and will come in to check on me every few minutes. Most of the time I'm outside with him or doing gardening so I can keep an eye on him.

I wish I could give you some constructive advice - but unfortunately sometimes you just have to wait before they make the stranger/danger connection. The oldest had to be watched like a hawk until he got bigger and figured things out, but the youngest is naturally afraid of most people.

 

[koolaidmoms]

The stranger/danger thing is a tough thing to teach. My children see me speaking with "strangers" every day. I talk to the lady in line at the grocery store, the man at line at the bank or the child sitting on the sidewalk outside. When my kids ask me how I know them I honestly answer, "I don't." "Well, then why are you talking to them?" That is a tough one. When someone says hello to them or goodbye after we speak to them at a store or a bank we tell the children to say hello or goodbye. DS always questions this. "Why do you want me to talk to a stranger?"

He was a hugger for a long time but has completely stopped. He ran up to a stranger at a water park when he was 3 and climbed up in his lap! I couldn't drag him away he was kicking and screaming.

Now he has stopped hugging all together. I miss the hugs. I still hug him but he just stands there and does nothing. I would love a hug again or to hear him say "I love you" without prompting.

 

[BeckyScott]

Last summer at Disney, we took Justin on Test Track. The end part was waaay to fast for him. But when we were in line, the people next to us, it was a father and teenage daughter, in the singles line, and the father ended up in the back seat with Justin and I, Justin in the middle for safety. He was telling Justin what a fun ride it is, etc, and he figured out what was going on with us.

About halfway thru the ride, I noticed that Justin had put his hand on this guy's leg- like he was on a date- the guy was really nice and didn't say anything. Then when we got home I was looking at our PhotoPass pictures and there it is, captured in film, the three of us in the backseat with Justin's hand squeezing this guy's leg.

Last year one day the teacher was telling me... it was Justin's turn to be the Class Leader for the day. He and the teacher were leading the line. The teacher put her hand around his shoulder to walk. In response, he put his arm around her, but because of the height difference, it ended up that his hand was planted right on her rear end. It took her a few minutes to figure out what was going on, then she decided maybe they should hold hands instead.

On a more serious note, I've had this discussion in IEP meetings before. DS questioning the teacher. The school firmly believes that when a teacher tells him to do something, he should do it, no questions asked. I tried to explain to them that I wasn't raising him that way. That yes, he should follow the instructions of the teacher. But that I didn't want him to blindly follow what an adult tells him to do-- even if it's an adult that he knows. There have been way too many creepy stories, and yes even with teachers, I don't want him to believe that he should automatically do anything an adult tells him to do. The problem is getting him to see the difference between a reasonable request and something bad- especially since for a while he had to have assistance in the bathroom, etc, so the rules get complicated. The people at the IEP meetings of course don't understand what I'm trying to say, because they only see one side of it.

 

[C&G'sMama]

Today's (Christmas Day) story. DS received "The Bees" movie for Christmas. He started watching it and said this is not a "Bee" movie, it's fiction. Apparently he was expecting a documentary on Bees (which he was looking forward to). He was okay with the fiction movie but maybe next year we go with documentaries.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Yep, just the other morning I was pulling up in the drop off lane, that is an obvious one way, since you would have to drive across traffic to get to it from the other side of the (busy) street. I look down to check what gear the car was in, start to pull forward, since I was the top of the line, and there is a man parked head on right on my bumper! I almost hit him but for a few inches. What the??????

About the Christmas tree thing, a couple of years ago, I had a stunning tree up in the house. DS rearranged that stupid thing every day and did the "all the ornaments on one branch" thing. I was not amused. I just gave up. I guess the tree is for the kids, anyway....

Hey, have any of you dealt with constant hugging? My son ran up to a complete stranger (one of the parents picking up a kid from the after school program) and gave her a huge hug, then took a step back and said "Who are you?" She looked like a nice person, but this is over the top.

I see him hugging teachers all the time, and I hug him (we like hugs!), but when do I start telling him to stop? Just last month, my mother called me to tell me what a sweet child he was for thanking and hugging her neighbor when he took us to the tallest building downtown so DS could see the inside. That's fine when he's 6, but he's a big kid already, and I'm not sure people will want to be hugging a 6'5" linebacker-looking teenager...

For those of you who like hugs

This is very common for kids with special needs, not just ASD. Since it's a concern, bring it up at the next IEP meeting. I was with seventh and fourth grade this past semester and we do not allow them to hug us. Some people accuse of us being cruel, but we do this because like your son, they do not understand when it is socially appropriate and when it is not. It is not okay for a male high school teacher to hug a female student or vice versa. Part of my job as a special ed teacher is to teach my students how to operate in the real world so that they have as many opportunities open to them as possible. Unfortunately, going up to a potential boss and hugging them, or hugging customers who come into your store is not going to get you a job.

I think you will find that most schools will automatically address this when he gets older. Most don't at that age because many neurotypical kids will hug the teachers/aides/etc. But since it is a concern, I would bring it up. Does he respond well to social stories? That might be another way to teach him when it is okay to hug and when it is not.