Are manners becoming extinct?

[Boopuff]

Something I’m pondering this morning. But I worked in schools forever. it seems that as time marches on, manners are no longer be taught nor expected from children. This also applies to many adults, who of late are complained about on these boards. Is it the decline of society as a whole, or just flat out, bad parenting.

 

[china mom]

I do think that we are failing, as a society to teach manners but I also think that our view of what is considered good manners has changed. Society has been evolving and behaviors that our grandparents would have considered essential to good manners are not the same in today's society. There is a whole generation of women who died never knowing how to open a car door for never having had to. But in todays world, a man jumping out of the car and running over to open a woman's car door would be described as old fashioned (at best).

 

[White Cat]

Yes.

 

[soccerdad72]

Not extinct, but with human interaction (not online) seemingly going away, it's endangered.

 

[tink1970]

While it sometimes seems so, I have hope that it's not true. I volunteer in a high school once a week and more often than not when I'm entering or exiting, if there's a young man near a door, he'll hold it open with a smile. In airports or other crowded places it seems there are more rude people but out and about in my small city I still see lots of common courtesies and politeness. I have to say, I appreciate those little things now more than I did when I was young. With all of the negative in the world, these days I'm trying to seek the positive.

 

[mjkacmom]

My kids have amazing manners as do their friends, no shortage of please and thank you so much, can I help, I’ve never not received a thank you note (and my kids have never missed one, for gifts, scholastic, recommendation letters…). Who are you running into with bad manners?

 

[mjkacmom]

I do think that we are failing, as a society to teach manners but I also think that our view of what is considered good manners has changed. Society has been evolving and behaviors that our grandparents would have considered essential to good manners are not the same in today's society. There is a whole generation of women who died never knowing how to open a car door for never having had to. But in todays world, a man jumping out of the car and running over to open a woman's car door would be described as old fashioned (at best).

That would, but at least where I live men still jump up and offer seats to women on a regular basis, and although old fashioned, my sons do as well.

 

[barkley]

But in todays world, a man jumping out of the car and running over to open a woman's car door would be described as old fashioned (at best).

or insulting to the woman. same thing with holding a door open for a woman-i personally know men whose common practice was if they were approaching a door ahead of a woman they would automatically open it and hold it open for the woman to enter prior to themselves. now they have seen or experienced being verbally berated for it so they have to balance the risk of being perceived by some as rude/others as sexist and insulting. no win situation.

 

[dez1978]

I work very hard to teach my kids manners. Do they always use them? No, but it's not for a lack of effort in my parenting lol. But I am Gen X with young ish kids (12&9). I notice that some of their friends whose parents are 10-15 years younger than I am, they don't seem to find it as important. When I speak of manners, I mean saying please and thank you, holding the door open for others, helping people with things. I know for others manners means always respecting your elders, no back talk etc. I don't always enforce those things because just because someone is your elder does not automatically mean they deserve respect and deference in the way that older generations feel it does. If someone isn't treating my kids respectfully, I'm not going to expect my kids to be respectful (which does not mean they can be mean or rude). I think kids are being raised to be heard, not just seen now, and thats not a bad thing. Some folks just have a different idea of what is considered manners or being respectful.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Manners exist really just to help make each other comfortable. There has been a definite shift away from courtesy towards others for the common good and an alternative embracing of "me me me," recently, that is now contorting itself in such a way as to show the ugly side of it. Selfishness works if only one person is being exploitive but if the majority all behave selfishly then the tactic fails - there is then nothing to exploit, just a mosh pit of elbows and knuckles. Take driving for example, the thought jumped at me while watching people on a highway the other day. Being a pushy jerk and not merging until the last minute only works out for you if other people yield, if other people do not yield you just become the jerk holding up the line, watched someone get stuck a good long while. If no-one has manners no-one can be outdone, no-one can win, it seems we are there now.

 

[Smugpugmug]

I think people have always lacked manners but it has definitely gotten worse since the pandemic. I worked in retail before and during the pandemic and customer behavior declined DRASTICALLY. I think some people believe being polite and courteous to retail employees is optional. One of my coworkers was spat on by a customer once when they were told we were out of store brand eggs.

It's not even just retail; I see awful behavior everywhere like restaurants, theme parks, movie theaters, etc. and it's not just limited to kids. People suck in general.

 

[tvguy]

I do think that we are failing, as a society to teach manners but I also think that our view of what is considered good manners has changed. Society has been evolving and behaviors that our grandparents would have considered essential to good manners are not the same in today's society. There is a whole generation of women who died never knowing how to open a car door for never having had to. But in todays world, a man jumping out of the car and running over to open a woman's car door would be described as old fashioned (at best).

Interesting points. Society as gotten a lot more casual over my lifetime. People want to put the minimum effort into everything, including manners.

 

[soccerdad72]

From a personal perspective, I'm very frequently told by people my boys interact with that they are very polite, well mannered boys. I always joke that I'm relieved, since they don't act like that at home

 

[cabanafrau]

Manners exist really just to help make each other comfortable. There has been a definite shift away from courtesy towards others for the common good and an alternative embracing of "me me me," recently, that is now contorting itself in such a way as to show the ugly side of it. Selfishness works if only one person is being exploitive but if the majority all behave selfishly then the tactic fails - there is then nothing to exploit, just a mosh pit of elbows and knuckles. Take driving for example, the thought jumped at me while watching people on a highway the other day. Being a pushy jerk and not merging until the last minute only works out for you if other people yield, if other people do not yield you just become the jerk holding up the line, watched someone get stuck a good long while. If no-one has manners no-one can be outdone, no-one can win, it seems we are there now.

Hailing from MIchigan where we famously claim to have two seasons -- winter and orange barrel season, our Department of Transportation has been campaigning for a few years now trying to educate the public on the Zipper Method regarding lane closures. Interestingly enough they claim that traffic stacks up because so many people merge far too early, as opposed to staying in the flow of traffic and merging in where directed.

Not my circus, just relaying what the experts say on the subject.

 

[china mom]

An example of what is considered manner changing would be the use of first names.

I was raised that all adults were to be called Miss firstname or last name; Mrs. or Mr. Lastname; or Aunt /Uncle Firstname. And by adult, I mean anyone id 20's or older.

I was caught off guard the first time a new neighbor's child asked me my name and I answered Mrs. XXX and he asked me for my first name. His parent explained that they call all the neighbors by tier first names. Okay, whatever. Now it seems that almost all children I know default to first names except maybe the student/teacher relationship.

So, in my generation, calling an adult by the first name would be considered beyond rude but today, it does not seem to be considered poor manners. Now, before everyone jumps in, I must add that this may be a regional thig so maybe not everyone is seeing it but tit is my example of how what we describe as good/bad manners has evolved.

 

[Chili327]

Something I’m pondering this morning. But I worked in schools forever. it seems that as time marches on, manners are no longer be taught nor expected from children. This also applies to many adults, who of late are complained about on these boards. Is it the decline of society as a whole, or just flat out, bad parenting.

Yes both. Parents of bad mannered children had bad parenting themselves.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Hailing from MIchigan where we famously claim to have two seasons -- winter and orange barrel season, our Department of Transportation has been campaigning for a few years now trying to educate the public on the Zipper Method regarding lane closures. Interestingly enough they claim that traffic stacks up because so many people merge far too early, as opposed to staying in the flow of traffic and merging in where directed.

Not my circus, just relaying what the experts say on the subject.

Yours isn't the only state. Both Kansas and Missouri DOT's recommend using the zipper merge when traffic is backing up or people are going slow. MDOT gave the stats that it reduces the time by 40-50% if using the zipper merge. Now I'm seeing more and more construction zones specifically telling people to late merge. KDOT has been using the zipper merge since 2016 but it's becoming and more pushed

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Something like elbows off the table I've seen advice column write-ins saying "my grandchildren lack manners I can't get them to stop putting their elbows on the table or to keep their napkins in their laps and I keep correcting them because their parents aren't" and this is just for normal dinner. Is that lack of manners or just moving with the times on what is and isn't viewed as important? I think it's just moving on with the times.

 

[Allison]

No, manners are not becoming extinct.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Hailing from MIchigan where we famously claim to have two seasons -- winter and orange barrel season, our Department of Transportation has been campaigning for a few years now trying to educate the public on the Zipper Method regarding lane closures. Interestingly enough they claim that traffic stacks up because so many people merge far too early, as opposed to staying in the flow of traffic and merging in where directed.

Not my circus, just relaying what the experts say on the subject.

Probably not talking about riding down the breakdown lane to get ahead of other drivers until there is no more room, can't imagine this as "goals," but who knows anymore.