Anyone have an idyllic childhood?

[kasar]

Did you have an ideal childhood with happy, stable parents? If so, how do you think that affected your adult life, specifically relationships? If your parents never fought does that set you up with unrealistic expectations or does it give you a strong base to work from and towards?

My parents were always an up and down rollercoaster, we never knew what to expect. There was always drama, silent treatments, slamming doors, all kinds of stuff. DH's parents have a very calm and nice marriage - maybe a little boring but dependable and solid. I can't remember the last time DH and I had a fight (some disagreements along the way but nothing big).

Just wondering if it affects us or if it's just psychobabble. I definitely feel like my parents' relationship had a strong affect on my siblings and me.

 

[WDWAurora]

I feel like mine was for the most part. My parents did fight, but I think it would have been non-idyllic if they hadn't. It's just not normal to never disagree! I'm not talking about big fights, but over things like what to do when I was being a brat (I know, not like it ever happened). I think it set me up well for what to look for in future relationships. I know things won't be perfect, but I know that it doesn't mean there is any less love just because two different people have different viewpoints sometimes.

 

[kasar]

You're right - not fighting at all would be weird.

I guess my question is: If a child's parents are really good parents who treat each other with respect and love and give their children a great childhood, does that almost "guarantee" that their children will make good choices or does it set them up for disappointment since those marriages seem to be so hard to attain?

I know no marriage is perfect and I also know that people are formed from many different influences, but is it safe to assume that these kids will have an easier go of it?

 

[Pugdog007]

I grew up with the Cleavers. No kidding. My parents never fought - at least not in front of us.

Yes - it set me up for unrealistic expectations when it comes to relationships.

 

[HeatherH]

Yes, I had an "idyllic" childhood...parents who loved each other dearly and who loved us as well, and who were openly affectionate with each other and us.

Did that set me up for disappointment in relationships and marriage? Absolutely NOT! It gave me a model for what I wanted in life, and what I expected in a relationship...and that is what I got with my husband. I realize I am very lucky to have grown up with the family I had, and I don't take it for granted for one moment. I hope to give my children the same experience as they grow up.

 

[totalia]

Idyllic? Not by a long shot. My life is a soap opera and would make a best seller.

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

I wouldn't call it idyllic. My parents fought all the time until my sister was born (I was 9). My parents are still married to each other. Luckily for me, I spent every summer with my grandparents who showed me what a good marriage is.

 

[kasar]

Just a bump up for the morning crowd. A friend and I were having a little disagreement and I'm looking for some ammunition. Thanks.

 

[caitycaity]

i wouldn't call my childhood idyllic, but my parents have been happily married since 1969. it didn't set me up for disappointment in my relationships; it helped me to know what i wanted. however - i am married to a child of divorce and his views on relationships are very warped at times. he realizes it though.

 

[snoopy]

Yes, I had an "idyllic" childhood...parents who loved each other dearly and who loved us as well, and who were openly affectionate with each other and us.

Did that set me up for disappointment in relationships and marriage? Absolutely NOT! It gave me a model for what I wanted in life, and what I expected in a relationship...and that is what I got with my husband. I realize I am very lucky to have grown up with the family I had, and I don't take it for granted for one moment. I hope to give my children the same experience as they grow up.

Ditto.

 

[monkeyboy]

Then and now

 

[imgoin2wdw]

The details of my life are quite inconsequential.... very well, where do i begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved {me} There really is nothing like {being} shorn... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

My parents were always an up and down rollercoaster, we never knew what to expect. There was always drama, silent treatments, slamming doors, all kinds of stuff.

You must be my long-lost sister!!!

My parents were like yours and my exh's parents were like your dh's. Apparently, we took after my parents.

 

[leighe]

I definitely had an idyllic childhood - complete with Disney trips every summer. I never saw my parents fight. They have one of the most loving, respectful relationships I have ever seen. They did disagree in front of us and get annoyed with each other but I can't ever remember them having one fight.

I think my childhood was a little too easy. School was pretty easy for me, my parents were in comfortable financial circumstances, my mom stayed at home and so went to every school play, etc., and my dad had a very flexible schedule. He would always take part of his vacation during our Christmas break so he was home the whole time we were. Once I got to high school I was very lucky and had some great opportunities - a 6 week internship during my senior year with Seventeen magazine. I went to college and got to study abroad, took a year off and studied fashion history at FIT in NYC, was a cheerleader, in a sorority - all that stuff. I had all four grandparents and 5 great-grandparents still living when I was 23.

Fast forward to the first year DH and I were married. It was absolutely awful! I had never had to deal with adveristy in my life. I don't think my parents necessarily tried to shield me from it - I just think I was very lucky. In that first year we were married I dealt with
1. my grandfather (who I was really close to) dying
2. my husband having an affair
3. my parents almost having to declare bankruptacy due to a dishonest employee
4. I got fired from a job (this was out of nowhere and it later turned out that I wasn't even the person - well, it's a long story and I was eventually apologized to and offered the job again - um, no thanks! - but it was still awful at the time)
5. our house was broken into while I was home alone.


I felt like every day when I woke up I just got smacked in the face with something else. Sorry this is so long but I have been wondering a lot lately if I had grown up differently if it would have been easier to deal with some of that stuff.

 

[HomeSweetDisney]

I had a very ideal childhood as far as parents go. They were loving and caring people. From the time I was young, it was always clear to me how much they love one another. But one thing I always tell people is that growing up with parents who love eachother and remain devoted to one another made me one of a very small group of people who had parents like mine. Most of my friends had parents who were either divorced, seperated, or remarried. Presently, I only have 2 friends whose parents are still married and in love. (I say that because I have a friend who's parents are still married but hate eachother.) While I love that my parents are still crazy about eachother, it sets a very high standard for me. Especially because they were my age when they got married (I'm 19) and have been happily married for 21 years. I don't mean a high standard like "I have to get married right now" but a high standard in that when I find someone I want to it be forever. I want to have a long lasting, loving, amazing relationship like my mom and dad. Seeing that has made me want to settle for nothing less than the best. Sometimes it's a good thing and other times it's not so good simply because if I meet a guy and he doesn't have the qualities I want in a life partner, I dump him. Isn't that awful? But I can't help it. As far as when I was a kid, things weren't bad. I had a great family and friends. But when I was younger I was overweight and kids can be really cruel. But I think it made me tough. Now, it's really hard to offend me. I had and still have a comfortable life. We're not rich but we are happy and don't want for anything. My dad works hard and has shown me where that can get you in life. My mom is one of my best friends. I love vacationing with my family which most of my friends think is weird. But I love them. They're great. Ew, I didn't mean for this to be so long. Sorry

 

[mickeyboat]

I thought my parents had a wonderful relationship, they never fought in front of us. I thought I had an idyllic childhood. But my parents were hiding an unhappy relationship and divorced after 27 years of marriage - that was two years after my wedding where they renewed their wedding vows.

I think they lost all the passion and wouldn't accept the concequences of that.

My marriage is solid, but it is always in the back of my mind that the flame will die and DH will leave me many years from now. I guess I that encourages me to keep the flame alive.

Denae

 

[Laura]

Mine was pretty idyllic. My parents fought, but I think that's normal. Were they perfect? No, of course not. But they loved each other. My mom died of cancer after 26 years of marriage.

I've never had issues with relationships, and my DH and I have a good marriage. I think he's wonderful. Why he's with a loony like me I don't know.

 

[EltonJohn]

Not only did I have happy, stable parents I also had happy, stable grandparents on both sides of the family that reached their Golden Wedding Anniversaries

My parents' marriage is so stable that I have only witnessed one minor 'argument' between them (Dad hurt Mom's feelings), and I was so overwhelmed by that! It was also very akward. I don't think I ever witnessed an argument between my grandparents-just the standard "you're an old goat" type of stuff lol

I guess I have been affected by them in some way-they all have set really good examples for me and my brother. I don't think I have unrealistic ideas about how a marriage is. Did my parents and late grandparents argue? Of course. Did they overcome their problems? Yes. Their common denominator: all four are/were solid Christians who know what the real meaning of love is.

 

[bajanswife]

My parents have been happily married since 1960. They never raised their voices at each other in our hearing, although they must have disagreed with each other in a rational way. They were openly affectionate with each other, my dad especially - and he was always doing stuff for my mum.

The result is that I expect an affectionate and giving hubby, and DH isn't always that. He was very affectionate when he was first in love with me, but life and stress has distanced us a little bit and he forgets to continue to make the effort. His family was NOT outwardly affectionate, which is why it only came naturally to him when he was in the throes of mad lust

I also feel like I am a little bit afraid of arguing about something major, and I get defensive when argued with. I can disagree about small things just fine - I have a hard time with things that are emotional. Maybe b/c my parents never had emotional discussions in front of us??

 

[chrissyk]

My childhood definitely wasn't idyllic, but at the same time it didn't set me up for a bad marriage or anything like that. If anything, it taught me what behaviors to avoid. I knew that I didn't want to marry a guy who drank for one thing. It also taught me to always keep the lines of communication open with my husband. My childhood home varied from screaming matches to open hostility to months on end of the "silent treatment". It definitely fostered in me the desire for a peaceful, loving home as an adult.