Amy&Dan
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2004
For the past month or so, I have been toying with starting up a new journal. My old one (Amy's Journal) has gotten pages long and to be honest, I am not the same person I was when that journal began! I wish I could say I am not the same because I lost my weight and that my new journal is about maintainence and staying healthy. Instead I am changed because in the span of that journal, I lost my mom to cancer (she had Alzheimers too). It was a seven year family struggle of watching her fight two diseases, being her caregiver (along with my stepdad) and then having her pass away last January and now my subsequent grief process. For the past 12 months (my mom died January 12th), I have been in a fog. My mother was really the most key person in my life. After my dad died when I was 7, she and I became inseparable. We had lots of adventures together, particularly after my older siblings moved away. Even after my mom remarried when I was 23 and then when I married a few years later, we had this huge, very special bond. Even now as I type this, I am crying, thinking about how sad I am that is over for me. But they are happy tears too. Having a parent is special. Having one like my mom is a gift only God could have given me. So I have that for the rest of my life and now its time to give myself a gift. Getting healthy! I think its a really good tribute to my mom to get myself in a better place. The one issue my mom and I had was around my weight! It drove her nuts and at times she tried to help but in her 1950's fashion often made it worse. I spent a lot of years blaming my mom that I was fat, and she spent a lot of years telling me I was too pretty to be fat. The one good thing about her Alzheimers is that she sort of forgot I was fat! Seriously, the last year or two of her life, she would tell me all the time "you are so beautiful". I used to laugh thinking of all the times she said and indicated otherwise! It was nice to have that battle just done and over between us I must say. And now, I can't sit around and blame her for feeding me too much fried chicken and bananna pie the whole time I was growing up! And I think she came to realize that making me often feel second best to my skinny sister wasn't the best way to handle things. So it was good we both learned a little together before she was gone.
So here I am, 44 years old, happily married to Dan for 16+ years now. I have two beautiful kids, ds who is 14 and dd who is 12. I have a beagle named Daisy who is my most treasured little friend and who I think came into my life to bring me some fresh air and laughter when I needed it most! And I have a mutt named Shelby who looks like an alien but is very sweet and I love her dearly too! I currently weigh 244 pounds (hmm, 244 at 44 would be catchy if that "2" was a "1"). I rejoined Weight Watchers for literally about the 15th time yesterday and am excited about that. In spite of my frequent attempts and failings at Weight Watchers (I once said they should give me a Frequent Failure discount), I believe in the program and I have been successful at times. In 1998 I lost 30 pounds and kept some of that off for several years. But when my mom got sick in 2001, I let the stress of that derail my efforts. Then in 2006, I rejoined WW (by this time I had gained back my 30 pounds plus 20 more) and lost 33 pounds that year and into 2007. I began to Wish and made lots of friends here, learned a lot but again, let the stress of my mom's now two illnesses plus other family stress get to me and I have now gained back all but about three pounds of that 33 pound loss. Clearly I am a stress eater of the worst variety!
I am so extremely tired of being in physical pain. I think its safe to say that carrying around an extra 100 pounds is not easy on the body. I huff and puff, walk like an 80 year old arthritic and often have heartburn and stomach woes. The good news is that my cholestrol and blood pressure are both good and other than being morbidly obese, I am in perfect health!
So I am excited for 2009 and my new journey! For my old Wish Buddies, welcome to the new me and for anybody new reading this, I look forward to getting to know you and hope my journal won't be too boring!
So here I am, 44 years old, happily married to Dan for 16+ years now. I have two beautiful kids, ds who is 14 and dd who is 12. I have a beagle named Daisy who is my most treasured little friend and who I think came into my life to bring me some fresh air and laughter when I needed it most! And I have a mutt named Shelby who looks like an alien but is very sweet and I love her dearly too! I currently weigh 244 pounds (hmm, 244 at 44 would be catchy if that "2" was a "1"). I rejoined Weight Watchers for literally about the 15th time yesterday and am excited about that. In spite of my frequent attempts and failings at Weight Watchers (I once said they should give me a Frequent Failure discount), I believe in the program and I have been successful at times. In 1998 I lost 30 pounds and kept some of that off for several years. But when my mom got sick in 2001, I let the stress of that derail my efforts. Then in 2006, I rejoined WW (by this time I had gained back my 30 pounds plus 20 more) and lost 33 pounds that year and into 2007. I began to Wish and made lots of friends here, learned a lot but again, let the stress of my mom's now two illnesses plus other family stress get to me and I have now gained back all but about three pounds of that 33 pound loss. Clearly I am a stress eater of the worst variety!
I am so extremely tired of being in physical pain. I think its safe to say that carrying around an extra 100 pounds is not easy on the body. I huff and puff, walk like an 80 year old arthritic and often have heartburn and stomach woes. The good news is that my cholestrol and blood pressure are both good and other than being morbidly obese, I am in perfect health!
So I am excited for 2009 and my new journey! For my old Wish Buddies, welcome to the new me and for anybody new reading this, I look forward to getting to know you and hope my journal won't be too boring!