Re-emerging again...
THANK YOU so much to everyone for the kind words, well wishes, and for checking up on me. You ladies are truly wonderful people.
Mom, DH, and I did make it to WDW. There were a few bumps, but on the whole we had a wonderful time and I'm so glad we went. I will try my best to post pictures as soon as I can.
If we had been off by a little as a week, we wouldn't have been able to make the trip as Mom's health continutes to decline. But the important part is that we were able to make it, and I still marvel at how the universe works.
Since we've gotten back her condition has progressed more and she's not doing so great. She developed her first skin wounds in Jan and now she's got 5, including a really severe on on her right calf. She's actually back in the hospital now trying to fight an infection in that wound.
She was in the hospital for about 10 days over Memorial Day. We met with the oncologist after that and she recommended Mom pursue hospice. She estimates Mom likely has about 6-12 months left, maybe a little more or less since things are unpredictable, but 2 years would be very, very unlikely.
She used to be very chirpy and make a point of saying that Mom's kind of cancer can be a chronic condition that could be managed over years. So it's disconcerting that she's putting out hard numbers now. Mom really isn't ready to accept the idea of hospice, which I wish were not the case, but I'm trying to be supportive. For my part, I swing between hoping the onc is wrong and praying that she isn't. That might sound terrible to some people, but I think anyone who has been in this situation would understand.
Mom's not really at a point where she should be alone anymore, so we've renovated our house for her to move in with us. That should be happening in the next couple of weeks after she gets out of the hospital. We were able to enclose our living and dining room into a sort of apartment for her and to make her her own bathroom, so I hope that will be enough space for everyone.
I'm nervous about it, if I'm being honest. Mom and I don't have the best relationship, even though we do love each other a lot. With all the medication and confusion she can be somewhat difficult to deal with. And I'm worried that instead of her living with us being easier, it will morph into 24 hours a day of servitude from which I can never escape.
My life really has become about Mom, for the most part. I dropped down to PT at work, which they were really nice about, but after that and taking care of her, there's not a lot left over. I'm struggling with that, since it really feels like my life is not mine and hasn't been for a while. But, for better or for worse, this too shall pass and I feel the need to see the situation with Mom through to the end and do the best I can for her.
So that's my life these days. I'm trying to look out for my health both because I need to be at my best and because I don't want to end up like her. I want to make an effort to journal again, but I know I won't be able to be as consistent about it as I would like. Still, I think it would be helpful.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate the caring and support you all have shown me. I hope someday I can return the favor.