ATTQOTD: My craziest running decision? Deciding this summer, despite the fact that I hadn't run in two years, that I was going to commit to running a marathon by 2020. It sounds absolutely crazy when I say it out loud to myself (or to others), but it wasn't entirely out of the blue. I've thought for years that I'd like to "someday" run a marathon, and I suddenly realized that with my life settled into a regular routine and money no longer a big obstacle, all my reasons for putting it off had been downgraded to excuses. There's nothing stopping me from doing this.
As for dieting...y'all ready for some oversharing of my personal journey?
Back in 2013 I did the perfect Weight Watchers program. I went from 255 lbs to 170 over the course of a little more than a year. I got a lot of praise for that from my WW group, from my family, from friends. It made me feel empowered--I'd proven I could do it, and I loved the way I looked at my target weight. I loved that it was easy to find clothing that fit me. And I blew off the comments from people who said they'd done WW, had a miraculous loss, and then gained it all back. Clearly that wasn't going to happen to me.
Except then I moved to a new city, had several big upheavals in my living situation, and developed a more robust social life. And over the course of three or four years, I gained literally all of that weight back. I realized that WW had worked for me because I was a hermit bachelorette who never dined out, who ate almost nothing but lean cuisines, and who walked everywhere because I literally had nothing else to do with my time. (edit: I don't mean to imply that this is representative of WW users!! That's just where I was at that point in my life and reflects the differences between then and now that I think contributed to my personal inability to stick with/go back to WW). But hey, it had worked, and I don't regret it even though it didn't last because the journey helped me accept a lot of things about my body that don't change regardless of the weight I'm at.
I've struggled a lot with feeling like I should be able to just will myself skinnier, because hey, I got skinny once. I've tried Noom; tried WW a second time. I couldn't get into the mindset anymore; tracking my food used to make me feel like I was in control, but now it just makes me feel neurotic. I know that I want to make changes to how I eat and I know that I do want to lose weight again, but I've set my weight as a lower priority and given it less emphasis as an indicator of health for now. For now, I just run. I've reintroduced fresh fruit to my daily routine and I'm working to reduce (and then hopefully eliminate) the fast food I've been eating. I don't have an overarching system, though, and I'm happier that way for now. For now, I run, I get better at running, I make little changes to how I eat along the way, and I deliberately refuse to view it as some kind of moral failing when I "mess up" by eating something unhealthy. I'll get to where I need to go eventually, regardless of what that looks like in the end. I'm in this for the very long haul.