# Dealing with The Loss of a Son



## pfishgirl

I have never posted here before. I never even paid close enough attention to see this thread existed.. I just really needed somewhere to turn. I am having a very hard time trying to be strong for our family and friends.

My Story:

On May 6th, our son, our only child turned 19 years old. On May 13th he passed away and it's been 9 weeks and we still don't know exactly why..

He was an EMT for our hometown and attending college to be a Respiratory Therapist.. He went through 2 years of Vocational School and graduated with High Honors for Medical Assisting.. Graduated HS in 2008...

He spoke to his girlfriend at 11:30am, never said he didn't feel well, no headache, nothing.. He told her he was going to take a shower, and get ready for his last final exam of the semester.. but, When I got home around 1 pm from grocery shopping and errands, he was already gone.. I found him on his bed, unconscious, pale as can be and cold.

I've been to a support group, but it only meets once a month. I've been to 2 so far. It helps, I guess, a little, knowing They know my pain of losing a child.

I cry every day, even though I don't let my husband see me cry, I know he knows I do. He puts up a brave front for me as well. We have cried together maybe 3 times since it happened. 

I just miss my son so much and I feel helpless because I can't fix this. I can't take everyone's pain away and make it okay again..

thanks for listening


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## WebmasterJackie

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## frdeb1999

So very sorry about the loss of your son.


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## jerseygal

So very sad to read this tragic story about your beautiful 19 year old son. 

May God Bless You and Your Family With Comfort and Support During This Most Difficult Time!:flower3


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## jrsmom

I am so sorry for the loss of your son.


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## pfishgirl

Thank You


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## Ember

I am so very sorry.  

Treat yourself gently, and your husband.  Remember there is no time line to "get over" a death.  People seem to think that after a set amount of time you are now "over it" and on the way to being better with things.  But that just isn't the case and there will never be a time when you are "over it."  

Try not to judge yourself.  It's too east to do and it's very unproductive.  And keep talking - to us, to your husband, to anybody.


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## Lilybee

Im so sorry for the loss of your son.  

I don't normally post on thread but this really touch me and it feels just like what happened to my close friend.

Last year my friend a young 22 year old male died very suddenly, no health issues, it took a few weeks for them to find out why he had died, Sudden Cardiac Death (SCD); Sudden Death Syndrome (SDS, SADS).

Stay strong and remember the memories that you had together and that he will always be with you and your family.


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## mjwolfe

Stacy,

I don't think you need to be strong for everyone. It is ok to feel this grief. It is ok to cry, even in front of people. You have experienced a profound loss.

In the grief group that I have participated in (I lost my DH several years ago) - they describe grief like the waves in the ocean. Sometimes the waves almost knock you down, but sometimes it is calm.  Sometimes you can recognize that you are in the big waves. 

I know very well how it feels like you can't fix it. It is very hard to accept that ... 

I think it is good to reach out to a support group. It is unlikely there are others in your circle of friends who have experienced a loss like this. It does help to know that you are not the only one going through something like this. 

If anything, going to a group helps give you time to think about it and talk about it. Sometimes the people who are around you every day can't deal with that kind of talk.  I always felt like a burden around my friends when I wanted to talk about my DH's illness/death - they did not know what to say. When I am with the group though - they all have been through something like I have. 

you might also find support groups on the internet for others who have lost a child. 


-marti


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## A Mickeyfan

this is a poem that I have placed on here before.  My sister found it when my Mom passed away.  I found it to help me...I hope it can ease your pain 


To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...
but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, ""I welcome you.""

It's good to have you back again; you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
I need you here badly; you're part of my plan.
There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man.

God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years
because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er.
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;
but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too...
that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain,
then you can say to God at night......""My day was not in vain.""
And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile,
knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,
just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.

And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free,
remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me.


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## pfishgirl

Thank You


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## TheDisneyGirl02

Oh my gosh, Stacy, I am so sorry to hear about your loss!  

There is an online community that I joined after my car accident I had a few years ago and it has helped me.  I'm pretty sure there is a bereavement group.  It is called dailystrength.org.

I am so sorry again...


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## Mackey Mouse

I am so sorry to read this Stacy...as a Mom myself, I was so upset.  

I participate in an online support group for caregivers of cancer patients and it helps me so much.   I am glad that you are reaching out and finding a place to talk where you feel comfortable.   

Take care of yourself and come here if you need to talk, but also maybe do some research online where you might find a bereavement group to participate in.. 

Marsha


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## CarolynU

Goodness what a sad situation. I feel very sorry for you. To lose a son at that age without knowing why is horrible beyond belief. I guess the best that you can so is to take each day as it comes, and try to cope as best as you can and not to expect too much too soon.
Lean on those here, and rest assured that everyone will support you.


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## Deesknee

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I'm happy you have some type of support group. I know there are alot of professional therapists who specialize in grief counseling. How ever you decide to deal with your pain, please know you are in my prayers. When my brother died, someone mentioned to me that no 2 people grieve the same. Even if they are grieving the exact same person, same situation. It helped me to remember that... and still does.


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## budmonster

I am so sorry for you loss.   I'd like to share this poem with you, I found it very comforting when I lost someone I dearly loved a couple years ago. Please know that you are in my thought and prayers at this diffcult time in your life. 




If Tomorrow Starts Without Me

If tomorrow starts without me, and Im not here to see,
If the sun should rise you find your eyes all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldnt cry the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things we didnt get to say.
I know how much you love me, as much as I love you
And each time that you think of me, I know youll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand.
He said my place was ready, in heaven far above
And that Id have to leave behind all those I dearly love. 
But as I turned and walked away a tear fell from my eye.
For all my life Id always thought, I didnt want to die.
I had so much to live for, so much left yet to do.
It seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays the good ones and the bad.
I thought of all the love we shared, and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday, just even for a while,
Id say goodbye and kiss you and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized that this could never be,
For emptiness and memories would take the place of me.
When I thought of worldly things I might miss come tomorrow
I thought of you and when I did my heart was filled with sorrow.
When I walked through heavens gates I felt so much at home.
God looked down and smiled at me from his great golden throne
He said, This is eternity and all Ive promised you
Today your life on earth has passed but here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last
And since each day is the same theres no longing for the past.
You have been so faithful so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldnt do.
You have been forgiven and now at last youre free.
So wont you come and take my hand and share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts with out me dont think were far apart,
For every time you think of me, Im right here in your heart.


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## TaraPA

Stacy, I don't even know what to say to you other than I'm so sorry.   Just know that all of us here are thinking of you & your struggle.     If it helps you, just talk talk talk, we promise we will listen as much as you need.     

Just take baby steps.    Take care of your health.   It's ok to cry & grieve for no matter how long it takes you.     No one here or in a support group would ever judge you for wanting to talk endlessly about your dear son.  Many in the support groups you'll find (or are in) have been through the same thing, they will understand.    

Take care, you're in my thoughts!


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## Mskanga

First of all I am really sorry for your loss. My 16 year old daughter is a cancer survivor , she and her friend and classmate were diagnosed with cancer at almost the same time. Her mom and I became very good friends . Unfortunately her daughter passed away in April and I see my friend everyday struggle with the pain ......and I see my daughter feeling guilty for surviving , and I feel guilty for celebrating my daughter's survival when hers did not make it. I know my friend is thrilled to pieces that my daughter survived , just like I am heartbroken that hers didn't. 
I am just as heartbroken for you because no parent should ever have to bury their children.....it should be the other way around.


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## scrappinmom

Stacy - I am so sorry for your loss, I"m sorry your son died, I can only imagine the pain you feel every day. I've lost a son as well, however mine was only 2 days old...& while my pain was/is great I know none of us suffer the same kind of pain, and your loss if very different from mine. 

What I have learned that might help you is that it's okay...okay to cry, okay to cry in front of anyone/everyone you need to cry. it's okay to be mad as hell, it's okay to be confused as hell, it's okay to be lost as hell...basically you need to grieve you need to feel whatever it is you need to feel...only then can you begin to heal...I won't say get better,because I truly believe once you bury a child you are never "better" never the same person you were before. 

However, it has been almost 11 years since my son died & what I do know is that in those 2 days he gave me gifts beyond belief. I'm sure in your wonderful son's 19 years he also gave you gifts that you will treasure forever, gifts that will help you become the person you want to be for the rest of your life, gifts that will help you keep his memory alive in whatever way you choose. 

The road ahead is one no parent ever wants to travel.My thoughts & prayers are with you as you begin your journey


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## ScrapperBelle

Stacy - I just want to say that although no situation is the same and no two people grieve alike - I do understand what you are going through.  We lost our oldest son in Dec. of 07.  He was 18.  Actually, he was my stepson, but DH and I married when he was 3 and he spent a lot of time with us until he actually moved in with us when he was 14.

He was killed in an auto accident.  The spot is only about 10 miles from my house, but I NEVER go past there.  Luckily it is not a route I have to take very often, but I will go miles out of my way to avoid it.

There were no drugs or alcohol involved and the police report says he was only going 5-10 mph over the speed limit.  So, like you, we have lots of questions.  He was killed on impact.  It was a single vehicle accident.  He left the road and hit a tree.

I don't want to seem like I'm taking over your thread with my story, just wanted to let you know how very sorry I am.  If I had only one wish it would be that not one more parent ever know the sorrow we do.  I wish I had some magic words for you, but I haven't found them yet.

The important thing is to let yourself feel what you feel every moment, no matter what it is.  It's ok to be sad, but don't forget to be joyful as well.  I have found that when I feel sad about it, I try to think of a memory that makes me laugh (and there are lots of them!).  Don't let others push you into the space they think you need to be in.  The summer before he passed away, we had been to WDW.  I have been unable to watch the home movies from that trip.  Even now, I think I'm ready...I start to put one on and I just cannot do it.  I have pictures and I look at them frequently.  I even have a huge collage of pics I took on that trip hanging on the wall above me right now....but I am not ready for those videos.

Once again, I am so sorry.  I may not feel exactly how and what you do...but I do understand.


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## 3happydancers

I can honestly say I have never experienced losing a child so I can't say I know your pain.  I do know what it is to lose someone you love dearly.  Please accept my deepest sympathy for you and your family.  

Please try to remember that it is ok to cry, no matter how many times.  Embrace your husband, let him know you need his strength as much as I am sure he needs yours.


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## pfishgirl

Thank You everyone for your kind words and sharing your stories with me. I am so filled with emotions I never know from minute to minute what I am going to be like. I feel like I burden people and I try not to discuss my son too much with family and friends, but it's hard not to when he was my life.


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## TheDisneyGirl02

pfishgirl said:


> Thank You everyone for your kind words and sharing your stories with me. I am so filled with emotions I never know from minute to minute what I am going to be like. I feel like I burden people and I try not to discuss my son too much with family and friends, but it's hard not to when he was my life.





I wish I could give you a real hug.  You are not a burden on anybody - you re hurting and it helps to talk while healing.    If you ever need to talk about it (well, write about it since we're online) feel free to send me a PM.  I had a car accident a few years ago and I still have PTSD from it.  It helps me to talk about it sometimes so feel free to talk to me.

Weren't you on the Double Dip trip last September?  I remember your name.  

Take care.


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## A Mickeyfan

You always  have us to talk to when you need it....


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## gypsymama

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.  I am so sorry for your loss.   Don't feel like you are a burden,  if you need to cry then do it, you are sure entitled to it.


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## TaraPA

TheDisneyGirl02 said:


> I had a car accident a few years ago and I still have PTSD from it.  It helps me to talk about it sometimes so feel free to talk to me.



I too had PTSD after our neighbor's house burned down & their 21-yr old son died in the fire.     It's been 8 years & I still need to talk about it from time to time, to re-live that day & what happened...so please talk to us about your dear son.     Tell us anything you'd like about him, everyone here will listen with open ears.   Post pictures, tell us how you feel, anything.


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## luvmarypoppins

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I watched what my mom went through when my sister suddenly died. I pray that you will know Gods peace and comfort in the days ahead. 

I am glad to hear you are in the support group. We are here for you too. I pray also that your dh and you will find strength in each other in the days ahead.

My mom did a few things to honor my sisters memory. People gave her money donations and she used them to put on a childrens play in her memory and the rest went to a childrens orphanage as my sister loved children so, even though she wasnt married. I pray you will find a special way to honor your son,    Blessings to you.


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## mommasita

I can not begin to understand your pain. I am deeply sorry for everything. Please NEVER feel like you are a burden here. This is a community, every one of us, and we are all here for you any time you need it.

I will keep you in constant thought and prayer.


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## shoes99

pfishgirl said:


> Thank You everyone for your kind words and sharing your stories with me. I am so filled with emotions I never know from minute to minute what I am going to be like. I feel like I burden people and I try not to discuss my son too much with family and friends, but it's hard not to when he was my life.


Dear niece Stacy.  I am glad you found this forum.  You are not a burden.  I know Damien was your life.  Feel free to email me or call me every day.  I am here for you.
Aunt Michele


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## MinnyGranny62

Stacy..I can only shed tears and say a prayer for you but know that you and your family are in my thoughts.   Shirley


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## pfishgirl

TheDisneyGirl02 said:


> I wish I could give you a real hug.  You are not a burden on anybody - you re hurting and it helps to talk while healing.    If you ever need to talk about it (well, write about it since we're online) feel free to send me a PM.  I had a car accident a few years ago and I still have PTSD from it.  It helps me to talk about it sometimes so feel free to talk to me.
> 
> Weren't you on the Double Dip trip last September?  I remember your name.
> 
> Take care.



Thanks 

and Yes, we did the Double Dip.. I was in charge of handing out FE lists


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## pfishgirl

shoes99 said:


> Dear niece Stacy.  I am glad you found this forum.  You are not a burden.  I know Damien was your life.  Feel free to email me or call me every day.  I am here for you.
> Aunt Michele



Thanks Aunt Michele,
 I know you are here for me and us. Sometimes its just too hard to talk about so writing is a bit easier..
 Are you going to Scott & Beth's for the BBQ thing?


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## pfishgirl

luvmarypoppins said:


> I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I watched what my mom went through when my sister suddenly died. I pray that you will know Gods peace and comfort in the days ahead.
> 
> I am glad to hear you are in the support group. We are here for you too. I pray also that your dh and you will find strength in each other in the days ahead.
> 
> My mom did a few things to honor my sisters memory. People gave her money donations and she used them to put on a childrens play in her memory and the rest went to a childrens orphanage as my sister loved children so, even though she wasnt married. I pray you will find a special way to honor your son,    Blessings to you.



I am sorry for your loss as well..

Damien was a volunteer  EMT for our town so a lot of people sent donations in honor of our Son which was really nice..

We are also getting a monogrammed Brick, in a special garden from the Compassionate Friends, which is the support group I go to once a month..

Oh and there are now 2 separate scholarships given each May in Damien's name. One to a nursing student, because Damien was in school for Respiratory Therapy..  and the other given to a most improved student..


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## TheDisneyGirl02

pfishgirl said:


> Thanks
> 
> and Yes, we did the Double Dip.. I was in charge of handing out FE lists



I thought so...


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## MagicMe

Stacy - Amy (DisneyGirl02) just told me about your post regarding the loss of your son.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.  Every one experiences grief in different ways and there is no right way to deal with it.  Don't feel that you need to be strong for everyone.  Tears may be what you need to cope.  Whatever you need to do (whether it's crying, meeting in a group, or posting on here) is the right thing for you.


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## Jenvenza

I am so, so sorry you lost you son. I dont know what else to say. I am so sorry.


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## JerseyMamaBear

i am so sorry for your loss. please turn to us whenever you feel the need to talk.


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## pfishgirl

Thank You everyone.. Your thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated.. I'm trying to be strong but some days it is very difficult to even smile


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## MagicMe

Stacey - managing a smile even once in a while is good.  It's a long process just to learn to live with your loss.


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## pfishgirl

Why can't my Husband Understand and Accept the fact that I do NOT want to go to MNSSHP this year??

It would be the 1st one we've ever done without our son and I am Not ready for that!!!! 

I even told him NO!!! and Why and he just does Not get it!!


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## ScrapperBelle

Ohhh...this is a touchy one...I don't have any answers for you, just wanted to let you know that between DH and I we have had many times in the past year and half just like what you are going through now.

I want to say that I completely understand how you feel and I also understand your DH.  There have been many "firsts" we have had to conquer without our son.  It always helps more if we talk honestly and openly about how we feel.  Sometimes we fight, but I find it's far less frequent than it used to be.  There have been moments when I have felt like I was on the verge of divorce, but we have been lucky enough to move through most of our issues.

Notice I said "move through".  Neither one of us will ever "get over it", so we just try our best to move through each issue as it comes along as a FAMILY...not as separate people dealing with separate issues.  It's hard and I have shed enough tears to drown the entire family, but I try to stay open to ideas of my DH's and he to mine.  

Our son died in Dec. of '07.  We had a trip to WDW planned for Feb. of '08.  DS had just moved out on his own, started a new job, and was enjoying his new freedoms.  He wasn't going with us on our trip, but just a few days after he passed, I had to call and cancel that trip.  The last trip we had been on, he was with us (and he dearly loved our trips to WDW!).  There was just no way I could face going back so soon.

Well, a few months passed and DH thought that if we went it might help us.  At first I didn't want to, but we talked through it and kind of convinced each other that it was the right thing to do.  We went in early May and had an awesome time.  We were there for my bday and Mother's Day.  Of course we had our moments.  On our 1st night, we went to the P&P party and I stood right in the middle of Main St. looking at the castle during the fireworks and cried like a baby.  DH managed to go to DHS for a few hours one morning, but he seemed "antsy" and was ready to go after only a little while.  He later told me that just seeing the ToT (one of DS's faves) made him feel like his heart was coming out of his chest.

Our youngest DS was unable to go to DQ.  He and his brother loved to go there together.  When he got next to the bldg., he suddenly became short of breath and had to rush to a bathroom to throw up.  He still says he will NEVER go there again.

I don't mean to depress you and I definitely don't want to "hijack" your thread, just wanted to let you know that I understand not wanting to do something and feeling like everyone else is "pushing" you to do it.  But, I do want to caution you to remain open and understanding where others are concerned also.  As bad as you may not want to go, it may be just what your DH needs.  Our grief can cloud our judgement and sometimes the things other people do just seem cold and heartless to us, but just remember that your DH is probably having just as hard a time as you are and he is dealing with things in his own way.

I sincerely hope you all reach the conclusion that brings you both peace.


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## pfishgirl

Thank You for the advice and your story. I am so sorry for the loss of your son.

We are leaving on DCL Magic on Sept 12th and That Alone is going to be Very hard on me but we are going with 8 other people and I am forcing myself as is because I won't make them have a bad time.

I'm giving what I can but Halloween was always a HUGE thing for us. Bigger then even Christmas. We would do the MNSSHP at least once each year and at home we have an LGB train * like in Germany in Epcot* that runs completely around the outside perimeter of our house. DS Loved to run the trains and help me make the outside of the house spooky for the Trick or Treaters. The candy stays on the train and He was the Train Conductor. He'd stop the train in the train station and give the kids time to get the candy from the train carts.

I know I'm not ready and I shouldn't be forced to do it but he doesn't understand. He may be ready so he can feel free to go without me, but I would of much rather him to support me and what I'm feeling and let our friends go to MNSSHP and have him stay with me. It's not like they can't do it without us. 

I went to the boadwalk and cried watching their kids and niece and nephews on the same rides that my son had been on at their age. It was too much for me and I needed a half hour to control my crying. And I really do not want to have that happen in Disney and then leave the next day for the cruise.

I don't think he is thinking of me, or taking what I am feeling into consideration, so why do I need to be the one to sacrifice my feelings and needs to suit his? It's not very fair.

Plus the fact, he doesn't dress up and he doesn't trick or treat during MNSSHP so paying $50 a ticket the night before already spending $5,000 on a cruise, seems a little wasteful to me.

I just don't want to be a wreck at MNSSHP and then have to be all smiles and "ok" in front of everyone for a week cruise..


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## ScrapperBelle

I am so sorry.  I really hope you don't think I was telling you that you should sacrifice your feelings for everyone else's.  I am totally respectful of your feelings and if you really think you cannot handle the MNSSHP then I would definitely avoid it.

I think I was trying to make the point that we have each learned to respect the other's feelings in our home.  We spent a lot of time at first "flying off the handle" and attacking each other for feelings that no one could help. Those first few months were very rough.  We still have rough patches when new situations come up.  Your wounds are still very new and it will take time for you all to adjust to each other's new feelings and emotions with each new situation as it arises. 

If my DH can never go to DHS again, then I will respect him for that and NEVER ask him to do it.  If my DS cannot go to DQ ever again, then we just won't go.  As a matter of fact, he doesn't even want to go back to WDW...he says it is just too hard without his brother.  I am completely respectful of that and I will not make him do it.

I truly wish only the best for you and your DH.  I sincerely hope you don't feel forced to do anything you don't want to do.  Your feelings are very legitimate and no one else should EVER tell you how you should feel or act in any situation.  I have been thinking about you a lot and sending lots of prayer and good thoughts out for you.  Please don't take anything I say as personal...or an attack on you in any way....I just wanted you to know that there are lots of us out here dealing with the same types of issues everyday and no one handles it the same.


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## pfishgirl

No, No, I didn't take what you said as an attack on me at all   

I'm upset at Him not You for not accepting the fact that as of today I do not think I can handle MNSSHP in a few weeks..

I just wish he'd "get it"


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## TheDisneyGirl02

Stacy, I'm just sending you a hug to let you know that I'm thinking about you!


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## TinkerBrie

So sad  I am sorry for your loss. I just wanted to sent you a hug...


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## circhead

I am sorry for your loss - I can't imagine the pain you're in.

For what it's worth I can tell you that my brother was murdered when he was 18.(1974) None of us, to this day, have really gotten over the loss but as the years passed Michael's being gone got a little easier to deal with. Time is a great healer - it eases the grief but leaves the happiness of the memories.

I hope that the memories you have will sustain you as you learn to pick up the pieces and go on.


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## raysnkaysmom

Never visited this forum until today, after reading the lost of AlaskaMoms son, and reading about yours on that thread as well...

I have no words, just tears and hugs for you...


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## MagicMe

pfishgirl said:


> Why can't my Husband Understand and Accept the fact that I do NOT want to go to MNSSHP this year??
> 
> It would be the 1st one we've ever done without our son and I am Not ready for that!!!!
> 
> I even told him NO!!! and Why and he just does Not get it!!



Stacy - the only thing I can tell you is that those "firsts" are so tough but unfortunately you have to work thru them.  I'm not saying to to it now - it may just be too soon and raw for it.  Each "first" after my brother left us was so difficult.  The "seconds" weren't much easier either.  But I have found after time (10 years now) that I can now think of him without all the pain and remember the memories and smile.  I see his children now grown and know that he is so proud of them.  Only you know what you can handle.  You know deep down that these are all things that you will have to face as time goes on.  You just may not be ready this time around.


----------



## pfishgirl

Thank You All for your constant support and your kind words and sharing your stories with me




It is greatly appreciated


----------



## TheDisneyGirl02

Stacy...just sending you a hug to let you know that I'm thinking about you.


----------



## nana2tots

Stacy,


----------



## Luv2Roam

My heart goes out to you. There is no pain such as losing a child. (Mine was also an only child, and could not have any more.) Few people know that happened to me many years ago. Took me probably 25 years just to be able to think back on those days without pain and depression.
There is awful lot of mixed bag of emotions and stages you will pass through. And you will never entirely get over it.
The old saying of time heals wounds is true. What they don't say is it is an extremely slow and painful process.
I don't know that I could be of any help or comfort. However feel free to PM even if you just need a stranger's shoulder to cry on and vent.


----------



## Luv2Roam

Something to also ponder. Some of us have learned the hard way the cycle of life and death is very unpredictable. My thought is once I am gone I would not want others to not enjoy their lives and move on.
Honor your son by enjoying your life and living. It's good to remember. But don't live in the past. Your son would not want you to no longer enjoy life and spend your life grieving for him and what could have been.
All easier said than done I know. 
Take nothing for granted. We all do so much. Such as when we leave in a car, we assume we will come back home and life will be normal. It just doesn't always work that way and there is nothing you can do about it.
Again, now more than ever take care of you and yours.


----------



## pfishgirl

Luv2Roam said:


> My heart goes out to you. There is no pain such as losing a child. (Mine was also an only child, and could not have any more.) Few people know that happened to me many years ago. Took me probably 25 years just to be able to think back on those days without pain and depression.
> There is awful lot of mixed bag of emotions and stages you will pass through. And you will never entirely get over it.
> The old saying of time heals wounds is true. What they don't say is it is an extremely slow and painful process.
> I don't know that I could be of any help or comfort. However feel free to PM even if you just need a stranger's shoulder to cry on and vent.



I am very sorry for your loss 

We also have not been able to have anymore children. I know the pain of that as well, the trying, the hoping, the praying and then only to be disappointed one more time. 

Thank you for sharing with me your loss


----------



## Minnie&Nana

(((Stacy))) I am so, so sorry. Damien is with you... try to hold on to every memory to get you through these impossible days...often moments, minutes, hours.  your heart is shattered.

 I know you have likely heard this already, but please, talk about Damien as often as you want/need. He is still your son and will be forever....Try not to think about what family or friends may think - they cannot possibly understand. It is natural for you to talk and think about Damien. 

Sometimes family and friends do not want to speak of Damien because they fear it will be harder for you - I've learned to explain to to everyone that nothing is more painful than losing my child, but hearing his name gives me comfort and even joy.

Yesterday it was the 10 year anniversary of my son unexpectedly passing...the first 2 yrs are the most difficult....do not let anyone tell you differently. Try to find others who will understand: http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/ is one of the best. My DD and I attended the Bereaved Parents National Conference after 9 mos...we feared it would be too difficult, but it was the best thing we could have done...

As for your upcoming trip - try to dig deep inside and do what feels right. Of course, you have your DH and without a doubt he is suffering his in own way. I canceled a Disney trip we were due to take a month after we lost Toby..I did not return for 2 yrs and even then it was very, very difficult. A lot of tears, but joy as well. He sent me rainbows that trip...and it seemed in every park we heard "Over the Rainbow" playing for who knows what reason. I believe it was Toby comforting his mom and letting me know he was with me.

It does sounds like it is too soon for MSSCHP. I'm sure you've tried to explain to your DH that just as he must go, you cannot. If you do decide to attend,perhaps leave if it gets too much.  Halloween and Christmas were Toby's favorite holidays...it is only the last couple of yrs I can even answer the door again for Trick or Treaters.

I am sorry this is so long...I just want you to know you are not alone, Stacy. We are here for you any time...I sent a pm with my email and phone number. 

Take one moment at a time...let the tears come.....scream, sob...someday you will be able to smile and feel joy again because you will want to honor Damien's life. 

Take gentle care, dear Stacy.  Holding you very near in heart and prayer.
Christine


----------



## ScrapperBelle

I just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about you


----------



## pfishgirl

Thank You All   

Yesterday was a bad day.. My Grams would of been 94 yesterday. So between thinking of her and of course my son... I was weepy all day long..

It's been 15 weeks today since he was taken from us 

I am looking forward to my support group Tuesday cause I can use it


----------



## TaraPA

Hugs to you Stacy.    Look at you, you've made it 15 weeks.    I'm sure you felt like you could never go on.    You are stronger than you think.      Tomorrow will be 15 weeks and 1 day....then 15 weeks and 2 days....take it one day at a time.      We're all thining of you.    Good luck at your support group, I hope it will help you to share you story with others who have been there.    There are so many here on the DIS who experienced the loss of a child, I'm so sorry for all of you.     Hopefully you can all help each other get through to the next day.


----------



## ndloewen

Hugs Stacy,

Just happened to stumble across your thread today. I didn't even realize this part of the board even existed. I am so very sorry for your loss. 

4 weeks ago today I lost my son too. He would have been 4 next month. He struggled with many health issues all his life, but his death was still so sudden and unexpected. He developed pneumonia and kidney failure. After an intense 2 day battle in PICU, Noah's brain was no longer functioning and we had to make the very painful decision to let him go. I feel your pain. To bury a child is just so very, very wrong. I struggle to make it through each day...and to somehow try to help my other kids through this all. But sometimes I can barely even breathe. It's so tough on our marriage too. Noah was my world. I hate that this is my new reality. 

Stacy, you made it through 15 weeks. That gives me hope. For now all we can do is just take one day, one hour, one minute or even just one breath at a time, and we will make it through another day.


----------



## pfishgirl

ndloewen said:


> Hugs Stacy,
> 
> Just happened to stumble across your thread today. I didn't even realize this part of the board even existed. I am so very sorry for your loss.
> 
> 4 weeks ago today I lost my son too. He would have been 4 next month. He struggled with many health issues all his life, but his death was still so sudden and unexpected. He developed pneumonia and kidney failure. After an intense 2 day battle in PICU, Noah's brain was no longer functioning and we had to make the very painful decision to let him go. I feel your pain. To bury a child is just so very, very wrong. I struggle to make it through each day...and to somehow try to help my other kids through this all. But sometimes I can barely even breathe. It's so tough on our marriage too. Noah was my world. I hate that this is my new reality.
> 
> Stacy, you made it through 15 weeks. That gives me hope. For now all we can do is just take one day, one hour, one minute or even just one breath at a time, and we will make it through another day.



Oh my goodness.. I am so sorry for your loss    Thank you for sharing your story with me..

It's very hard and we have good days and bad days and we do take it one hour at a time.. Some days I'm fine and then out of nowhere I'm crying my eyes out.

Tonight my husband says he is not all that thrilled we are going on our cruise in 2 weeks.. This is the 1st he has said anything to me.. I'm hoping he is just having a down day and I'll help try and perk him up


----------



## TaraPA

Look at you Stacy - giving words of wisdom to other people dealing with the same thing you are.      I'm sure others will appreciate hearing your story that are going through it as well.     You are strong!!!!!


----------



## shoes99

Hi Dear Niece Stacy.
The best thing to do with DH is to talk and talk.  
Uncle Bud's best friend lost his son at age 19 in a boating accident at LBI.
The Mom Charlene went into such a depression that she did not want to get out of bed.  Her other kids 14, 12 and 6 had to fend for themselves for at least a year before she got help.  Her husband was a dear, but he left for work at 6:30AM.   We think about you and Andy and Damien every day.
Even the cruise next week for me will be a little weepy.  Remember, I was with you and your family including Damien last September.  We have great memories.  Damien went from the chicken fingers kid to ordering snails for the appitizer.  We all had a great smile over that. 
Aunt Michele


----------



## pfishgirl

shoes99 said:


> Hi Dear Niece Stacy.
> The best thing to do with DH is to talk and talk.
> Uncle Bud's best friend lost his son at age 19 in a boating accident at LBI.
> The Mom Charlene went into such a depression that she did not want to get out of bed.  Her other kids 14, 12 and 6 had to fend for themselves for at least a year before she got help.  Her husband was a dear, but he left for work at 6:30AM.   We think about you and Andy and Damien every day.
> Even the cruise next week for me will be a little weepy.  Remember, I was with you and your family including Damien last September.  We have great memories.  Damien went from the chicken fingers kid to ordering snails for the appitizer.  We all had a great smile over that.
> Aunt Michele



He had snails AND chicken fingers   and we had Palo's. He was so excited to have Palo's finally after waiting and waiting til he was 18 

and yes, I was assuming it may bit a weepy for you as well. I'm so glad you have the Veggie Car races and Happy memories to hold on to with Damien 

and Thank You... but, you know as much as me that Andy is a stubborn one, they all are.. But I do talk to him.. He just holds things back that I wish he didn't..


----------



## IceSk8ersMom

Stacy, I am sailing with you in December 2010.  I admire your strength and your courage.  My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you.  I hope this Dis board gives you some comfort.  I am sending you a cyber-hug


----------



## shoes99

I have permission from my niece Stacy to post some pics from Damien's High School Graduation party/brunch.
Aunt Michele
Four generations of family:




Damien and his cousins:


----------



## 5 'LIL *TWINKERS*

Im so very sorry for your loss......prayers and hugs to you and your dh.


----------



## pfishgirl

I Miss Him So Much........................


----------



## mommasita

pfishgirl said:


> I Miss Him So Much........................


----------



## Minnie&Nana

Hold tight to every memory.


----------



## Luv2Roam

Just here to give a


----------



## DanceRC28

So sorry for your loss, sending my thoughts and prayers out to you and your family!


----------



## ibelieveinmagic

oh sweetheart, i am so very very sorry! I'ts ok to cry as much as you need to- hugs to you!


----------



## kathyseb

Stacey,
I have lost two nephews, both in their 20s.  I know how my heart aches at not having them with us anymore, but to even begin to imagine what life is for my two sisters.  There are bad days and good days.

Looks like you have a trip coming up.
Two years ago, I lost my mom on November 12.  On the 27th that year we took off for WDW.  The last place in the world I wanted to be.
The trip was like a blur to me.  I did a lot of crying as we walked around the World. But also a lot of memoires flooded into my mind from the trip my mom took with DH and myself.

I set out to buy something from there that would remind me of my mom everytime I looked at it.  I searched high and low for the right thing.  I finally got a ornament of Minnie dressed like an angel holding a candle.

Sounds like at least your aunt and uncle are going with you.  Take the time on the trip to celebrate your son's life.  Relive your memories.  

My heart goes out to you.  Take each day one step at a time.


----------



## pfishgirl

kathyseb said:


> Stacey,
> I have lost two nephews, both in their 20s.  I know how my heart aches at not having them with us anymore, but to even begin to imagine what life is for my two sisters.  There are bad days and good days.
> 
> Looks like you have a trip coming up.
> Two years ago, I lost my mom on November 12.  On the 27th that year we took off for WDW.  The last place in the world I wanted to be.
> The trip was like a blur to me.  I did a lot of crying as we walked around the World. But also a lot of memoires flooded into my mind from the trip my mom took with DH and myself.
> 
> I set out to buy something from there that would remind me of my mom everytime I looked at it.  I searched high and low for the right thing.  I finally got a ornament of Minnie dressed like an angel holding a candle.
> 
> Sounds like at least your aunt and uncle are going with you.  Take the time on the trip to celebrate your son's life.  Relive your memories.
> 
> My heart goes out to you.  Take each day one step at a time.



Thank You for your thoughts and sharing your story..

We are going with friends of ours and Their family.. Aunt Michele won't be with us this time. But she was with us last year when our son was with us as well.


----------



## IceSk8ersMom

Stacy, 

I know you are leaving tomorrow for your cruise.  It will be a difficult journey for you, but  you are not alone. I am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.  Have a safe and peaceful trip.

Lisa


----------



## Minnie&Nana

Stacey, I too, will be thinking of you most especially these next days. Take gentle care... there may be many mixed emotions, but am praying there will be happy memories as well. God bless.


----------



## pfishgirl

Back in NJ

We had some ups and downs as expected while on the Magic, but it was a nice relief in a way at Castaway.. 

DH & I are feeling a little bit better but of course we came home with Colds


----------



## shoes99

pfishgirl said:


> Back in NJ
> 
> We had some ups and downs as expected while on the Magic, but it was a nice relief in a way at Castaway..
> 
> DH & I are feeling a little bit better but of course we came home with Colds



Welcome home dear niece Stacy.  Sorry we missed you on 9/10 on our way back to the airport.  Also sorry that you had another death in the family.  I went to Uncle Alan's wake in the afternoon on Sunday.  I got to see your in-laws before they flew back to Colorado on Monday.  Hope DH got to see his folks before they went back. 
Love you...


----------



## pfishgirl

shoes99 said:


> Welcome home dear niece Stacy.  Sorry we missed you on 9/10 on our way back to the airport.  Also sorry that you had another death in the family.  I went to Uncle Alan's wake in the afternoon on Sunday.  I got to see your in-laws before they flew back to Colorado on Monday.  Hope DH got to see his folks before they went back.
> Love you...



Thank You..   Andy missed Mom and Dad by like 10 minutes. He went to the brunch after the funeral and sat with Grandma & Grandpa.


----------



## TheDisneyGirl02

I'm glad that Castaway was a nice relief for you.  

Hope you are both feeling better.


----------



## pfishgirl

Well my world just keeps crashing down harder and harder on me 
 I am dealing with a bunch more of issues at home on top of still grieving the loss of my son..

I want to just give up


----------



## shoes99

pfishgirl said:


> Well my world just keeps crashing down harder and harder on me
> I am dealing with a bunch more of issues at home on top of still grieving the loss of my son..
> 
> I want to just give up



Stacy, you can call me to talk any time of night or day.
Aunt Michele


----------



## ndloewen

Stacy,

I know there are no words to make things better. 

I'm so sorry that this is your reality. Unfortunately, the rest of life keeps on going around you, which really, really sucks. Just wanted you to know you are not alone. Sometimes it is all you can do just to keep on breathing. 

One breath at a time. 

It's been two months for me. The reality has set in and I can barely stand it. I just focus on one day, sometimes one hour or even just one minute at a time. 

Praying


----------



## lmhall2000

First...what a cutie! You can just see it in his eyes, the joy and love of life he had!  Shows job well done, mom!!

I have been trying to cry as softly as I can while trying to find some respite from my pain...today, my family (3 kids and dh) drove 2 hours to spend the day with my uncle.  Two weeks ago he suffered seizures and has gone downhill since....he's 69, used to play football at Penn State with Mike Ditka, best golfer, outrageously funny, married to my aunt for 39 years...they never had kids so all us nieces and nephews were their children.  They actually were the first to see my children before my own parents...always there for major events and we even dragged them along to our beach vacations...playing putt-putt with "Igor" was a highlight in my kids memories.  So, today we had to stand by his bedside, pray with him, suction his throat to keep it clear so he could manage what little breathing...he was so hot to the touch, I took his fever and it was still climbing at 103..they've taken him off fluids and ng feedings so it's just a matter of time.  I made it all through today without crying..I tried to laugh for my aunt...keep conversations going, hold his hand and let him know we were there (he hasn't opened his eyes in 2 days)....I even managed the ride home really well...but tonight the kids wanted to watch a movie and "Ghost" was playing, I didn't cry through it at all...kissed the kids good night and sat down for a quick review of cruising trip reports (we're taking our first cruise ever next May)....and then I just lost it...I can't cry too loudly b/c my kids will hear...I'm just sick...I feel physical pain and a deep pit that won't go away.  I just want to scream, run to my aunt and hold her...then I found this board, your thread popped out and I had to read through your loss to get to a point where I said, "It's going to be okay" Damien's mom is suffering, she's mad as hades, she's plugging on, she has setbacks, she has supporters, she's human....then it dawned on me, I'm not alone....I can not even imagine losing a child....but I feel like I'm losing a father....they were the ones I would go to when I was away at college to wash my laundry, she would always send me out with every bit of change she had b/c she knew being a college student was hard.  Always got a birthday card from her...more so than my own mom! I love my parents dearly but they were just pretty busy.
So, you see...your loss helps the rest of us recognize something very important...we can go on, we can live our lives to honor those we've lost...anything short of that and I'm sure we'd get a scolding...I'm here to let you know that just in what I see in Damien's pictures, he does NOT want you to suffer...grieve, grieve, scream, get angry...know your husband's way of grieving may be different than yours...you both may believe the other one is just not getting it, but you'll reach a point of understanding, and I pray it shines on you soon.

Thank you for sharing and thanks for letting me get my silent crying out in this post...I love you Uncle Len!!

Tara


----------



## pfishgirl

Thank You for sharing your stories with me


----------



## pfishgirl

ugh!!!!!!!! 

I miss my son so much and I have so much drama and stress in my life right now I feel lost and confused.. I need his strength

My mind races at night and I can't sleep and I'm so exhausted mentally and physically..


----------



## nana2tots

I feel what you are feeling, i have been the same way in the past two years, I am having a hard time dealing w/ mine, i can't sleep, eat, i'm  mean to everyone and wondering why are they here, when my Daughter can't be, it's Horrible being this way, and there is not a soul out there that can Help me, i tell them if they want to Help, then bring my only child back, i am losing it.
 I can't even find any Happiness anymore, i am being a total you know what. Please if you ever want to talk, maybe it would do us both some good, for people that haven't been in our situation, it 's hard on them to show us affection, or give help.
 I just hope and Pray that we both and all that are going through something like this, that we find Happiness, Strenght to go on. 
 your friend
 Nana


----------



## nana2tots

http://sandi-smithbrooks.gonetoosoon.org/memorial/


----------



## nana2tots

http://sandi-brooksvirtual-memorialscom.virtual-memorials.com/


----------



## pfishgirl

nana2tots said:


> http://sandi-smithbrooks.gonetoosoon.org/memorial/



I added you on gonetoosoon
 I have a memorial for my son damien as well feel free to light candles for us too


----------



## Jenvenza

Thinking about you today. I hope you are well and feeling stronger.


----------



## pfishgirl

It's been a while since I have been here 

I continue to grieve my son as I miss him so so so much   I still can not believe he is gone and I would do anything to change back the clock 6 months but I know that is an impossible dream

My life at home just keeps getting worse, but I need to be strong and move on, and I need to worry about me now.. It's very different because my son and my husband always came first.. and Now to put myself first seems very strange to me but I have no choice now


----------



## luvmarypoppins

Stacy, sending you prayers.


----------



## minniebeth

pfishgirl said:


> It's been a while since I have been here
> 
> I continue to grieve my son as I miss him so so so much   I still can not believe he is gone and I would do anything to change back the clock 6 months but I know that is an impossible dream
> 
> My life at home just keeps getting worse, but I need to be strong and move on, and I need to worry about me now.. It's very different because my son and my husband always came first.. and Now to put myself first seems very strange to me but I have no choice now


----------



## pfishgirl

Thank You for everyone's constant hugs and support
 It is greatly appreciated


----------



## MinnyGranny62

You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Shirley


----------



## pfishgirl

Ready to finally tell the news.... Still hoping on a miracle and hanging by a thread it will change..

We are heading down to Florida for a few days.. but not for anything good.. I will be cleaning out my stuff from "Our Dream Home" "Our Future Retirement Home" the home, I just finished decorating.. 

My husband and I will be divorcing. He has been having an affair with our son's Best Friend for a few months now. I'm beyond devastated, shocked and was blindsided by this. She just turned 20 He will be 40 in January..

I treated her like a daughter.. I can not believe she can do this to me. She knew my husband was hurting because we both talked to her when we took her and our son's other Best Friend to Disney for 2 weeks in the summer to give them a break from dealing with things before school started again.. He told us how he was hurting and felt lost.. And she totally took advantage of the situation for herself.. I don't get it.. She doesn't feel an ounce of guilt, remorse or anything.. She even went with me to a Support Group meeting for Grieving parents.. 

How do you sleep with your best friend's father and break up your best friend's parents marriage??  

He wasn't even gone 6 months when the affair started..  

And same for my Husband.. How do you sleep with your son's best friend, a girl he took to Sr prom? and someone who is young enough to be his daughter..

He says they are in love and are planning their future together

Why is it everyone else deserves happiness but me? What did I do to deserve all this pain, hurting, and devastation?? 

He never once said he was unhappy!!! He said the opposite.. Said he felt closer then ever to me.. I was getting flowers once a week right up until the day I forced him to confess..

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


----------



## dee47

Stacy, I am so sorry! You might want to look at it as temporary insanity after your son's death. It is almost like his way of having part of your son back...NOT that I am justifying his action AT ALL, but it can (and has) happened before. It doesn't lessen the pain but believe me it won't last and in the long run, because you are the one who is dealing with your emotions and he isn't happiness will be yours. What will be his I don't know but I've seen some pretty serious karma come around before...

Please never think you won't be happy again. Your husband's affair has nothing to do with happiness and everything to do with desperation and denial. 

We are here for you. In lieu of a real hug, I'm sending you lots of  Please PM me if you need a shoulder to cry on.

Hang in there. We're all rooting for you!


----------



## MAKHayes-DisneyDiva

Stacy - 
I'm so sorry for all you have been going through.  I am praying for some peace for you with both the loss of your son and your husband's bone-head choice.  
I also lost my son, 6 years ago.  He was 18 months old, and I miss him every day.  Somehow my husband and I have been able to get through this sad time together.  It wasn't/isn't always easy, and there were times when we expressed our grief very differently.  We had to be patient with each other, and learned to overlook some of the bad choices each of us made while coping and struggling to hang on to what was left of the lives we knew.  
Is there any chance that your husband will snap out of it, and if he does, will you want to try to work through this?  You have some tough times ahead, but after reading this thread it is obvious that you are a very strong woman.  
My prayers are with you, and even with your husband.


----------



## ndloewen

Oh Stacy,

I wish I knew what to say. I am so very, very sorry. 

I was shocked and so very saddened to read this. I am so, so sorry that your husband has made such poor choices. As a grieving mother myself, I know that this is the very last thing you need. 

Many prayers for you and your family.


----------



## pfishgirl

Thank You..

He left Florida today to head back to NJ with my stuff. him & a friend are driving. I leave tomorrow morning. I'm flying. Now I wish I would of booked it for today cause I don't want to be here. I feel lonelier then ever. Knowing this was the last time my Husband & I will ever take a trip, or be in "our" house together here in Florida.

Yesterday, he did give me a little happiness. We went downtown for dinner at Rain Forest Cafe. Then to the Grand Floridian to see the Christmas decoration and to see the Gingerbread house. He bought me a Gingerbread man and a shingle, but he also bought one of each for his Girlfriend to surprise her. And he wouldn't eat one with me when I asked. He is saving it to do with Her I suppose.

Which I really don't understand because in 2 weeks he is taking her to stay here in "Our" Home and in "Our" bedroom and to Disney for the weekend. He is taking her to see the Osbourne lights.


----------



## DisneyFairytale

That is such a sad story. You sound like a very tough lady. It sounds like he likely went very quickly, which hopefully brings some peace to you and your husband. 
I can only imagine what you are going thru, an it touches me that much more to have read this, as I am also an EMT in our home town.

I have nou doubt in my mind, that he is watching over you both. I send you all my love and prayers to you and your husband.


----------



## MagicMe

OMG Stacey - I just happended over here and read you latest entry.  I agree that in some strange/sick way, he is still trying to deal with your loss but this is no way to handle it.  I myself (having gone through it) can never understand how someone can willingly have an affair with a married man.  And for her to know you personally is just wrong.

I hate to see that you now have this to deal with along with the loss of your son.  I know you feel like you are losing everything you held dear.  You will get through this and I truly believe that you will find happiness again.  In the meantime -


----------



## pfishgirl

Thank You


----------



## Planogirl

Wow, you are one tough lady.  I'm so sorry for your loss and everything else you have to deal with.


----------



## pfishgirl

Ughhhhh.... Came to..  I don't even know what... I've been crying for 2 days now and I feel so lost without my son...

I miss my son so much and today and tomorrow are torturing me.. I wish I could of bypassed Christmas all together..

I know my friends and family are trying to help but getting Mad at me because I am not agreeing to go to get togethers is Not helping 

   

Damien..  Please lend me some strength Pumpkin.. Mommy needs it right now


----------



## Trentmom

pfishgirl said:


> Ughhhhh.... Came to..  I don't even know what... I've been crying for 2 days now and I feel so lost without my son...
> 
> I miss my son so much and today and tomorrow are torturing me.. I wish I could of bypassed Christmas all together..
> 
> I know my friends and family are trying to help but getting Mad at me because I am not agreeing to go to get togethers is Not helping
> 
> 
> 
> Damien..  Please lend me some strength Pumpkin.. Mommy needs it right now




Very sorry for the loss of your son

I am sorry others are upsetting you.

I Just wanted to send you a big warm hug


----------



## MagicMe

As frustrating as your friends are - keep in the back of your mind that they only want the best for you and want to help.  Unfortunately, grief is such a personal thing and each person has to work their way back.  I immediately thought of you this morning knowing that this day would be especially hard.  These holidays that used to be filled with happiness are now times to get through.  The firsts are the worst and the seconds won't necessarily be great but each step makes it a little more bearable.  It's not something you "get over" but you learn to live with it.  You've heard it a million times and at this point won't believe it but life will get better.  In the meantime -  know that he would want you to work through the grief and eventually be happy once again.


----------



## safetymom

Sending hugs to you today.  Holidays are tough when we remember our loved ones that aren't with us anymore.


----------



## TheDisneyGirl02

pfishgirl said:


> Ughhhhh.... Came to..  I don't even know what... I've been crying for 2 days now and I feel so lost without my son...
> 
> I miss my son so much and today and tomorrow are torturing me.. I wish I could of bypassed Christmas all together..
> 
> I know my friends and family are trying to help but getting Mad at me because I am not agreeing to go to get togethers is Not helping
> 
> 
> 
> Damien..  Please lend me some strength Pumpkin.. Mommy needs it right now



(((Hugs)))


----------



## MAKHayes-DisneyDiva

Sending hugs and strength to you.  We  especially miss our little guy at the holidays too, so I feel your pain.
Here's some pixie dust.


----------



## DipsyDoodles

The profound love you are feeling for your son is your strength.  He is sending that to you.  Try to Smile when you think of him.


----------



## LivinInTheCastle

I am so sorry to hear of your tragic loss. I hope your new angel can comfort your family.


----------



## pfishgirl

Ugh!!!  It's almost over now.. 

My Husband is closing on his new place early. It was suppose to be Jan 25th. They upped it to next Friday. He will be moving out for good by Saturday..

I won't even really see him this week either.. He is leaving tonight and won't be back til Wednesday. He'll stay here Wednesday & Thursday & possibly Friday but not too sure..

I go on the 19th to the Divorce center to get the process started. Not my choice but he is pushing hard to get it over with..

My heart is so broken and I cry all the time

We should be divorced in March.. He'll be on his cruise with his Girlfriend while I will be in a court room getting a divorce.. Using a Divorce center only 1 spouse has to show up..

This really really stinks and Im so scared.. Ive never been alone before. I always at least had Damien by my side.. I miss my son so Much and the Holidays were just horrible without him


----------



## dee47

You will make it. You are a strong lady with a big heart. It isn't easy and won't be for a while, but you will go on and keep your son's memory alive.

I'm sorry you have to go through all this.


----------



## MAKHayes-DisneyDiva

dee47 said:


> You will make it. You are a strong lady with a big heart. It isn't easy and won't be for a while, but you will go on and keep your son's memory alive.
> 
> I'm sorry you have to go through all this.



Hang in there!  You know we're all here for you.


----------



## Jenvenza

UGH! My heart is breaking for you!!! I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this.


----------



## MagicMe

You are strong and you have a special angel  by your side to help you through this.  It will take time but you will get used to this new stage of your life and may actually come to enjoy it.  But all that will take time.  In the meantime, know that you are in our thoughts.


----------



## TammyAlphabet

pfishgirl said:


> Ready to finally tell the news.... Still hoping on a miracle and hanging by a thread it will change..
> 
> We are heading down to Florida for a few days.. but not for anything good.. I will be cleaning out my stuff from "Our Dream Home" "Our Future Retirement Home" the home, I just finished decorating..
> 
> My husband and I will be divorcing. He has been having an affair with our son's Best Friend for a few months now. I'm beyond devastated, shocked and was blindsided by this. She just turned 20 He will be 40 in January..
> 
> I treated her like a daughter.. I can not believe she can do this to me. She knew my husband was hurting because we both talked to her when we took her and our son's other Best Friend to Disney for 2 weeks in the summer to give them a break from dealing with things before school started again.. He told us how he was hurting and felt lost.. And she totally took advantage of the situation for herself.. I don't get it.. She doesn't feel an ounce of guilt, remorse or anything.. She even went with me to a Support Group meeting for Grieving parents..
> 
> How do you sleep with your best friend's father and break up your best friend's parents marriage??
> 
> He wasn't even gone 6 months when the affair started..
> 
> And same for my Husband.. How do you sleep with your son's best friend, a girl he took to Sr prom? and someone who is young enough to be his daughter..
> 
> He says they are in love and are planning their future together
> 
> Why is it everyone else deserves happiness but me? What did I do to deserve all this pain, hurting, and devastation??
> 
> He never once said he was unhappy!!! He said the opposite.. Said he felt closer then ever to me.. I was getting flowers once a week right up until the day I forced him to confess..
> 
> Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh



This is unbelievable!  I just happened upon this thread and I was blown away.  I lost my husband in Feb. 2008, he was shot in a robbery.  Now I am having problems with my teenage son and drugs.  I want to send out a virtual hug to you and tell you to hang in there. 

 I have a friend who lost her daughter and soon after she also got a divorce from her husband.  Similar scenario.  His excuse was that she was not being nice to him anymore and he was tired of it.  Excuse me!!  She was dealing with the loss of her child!!!!!! How insensitive they can be sometimes.


----------



## pfishgirl

Thank You everyone for your Continuing Support & Encouragement & sharing your stories with me

My husband closes on his townhome today and officially moves out for good Saturday morning 

I do NOT like this at all not one bit.. But again, Im being forced to accept it


----------



## tnkr mom

Stay strong for your son; he would not want you to be sad!
They say God has a master plan for us all and we do not know how each of us plays in it and to trust in him and he will see you through - easier said than done - I know!
We lost our nephew he was 22 about 2 weeks ago, also suddenly; he was treating for a kidney disease but never thought God would take him from us.  I can't imagine your pain but know you have our prayers of support!  And an angel looking over you and watching out for goodness to come your way.


----------



## pfishgirl

tnkr mom said:


> Stay strong for your son; he would not want you to be sad!
> They say God has a master plan for us all and we do not know how each of us plays in it and to trust in him and he will see you through - easier said than done - I know!
> We lost our nephew he was 22 about 2 weeks ago, also suddenly; he was treating for a kidney disease but never thought God would take him from us.  I can't imagine your pain but know you have our prayers of support!  And an angel looking over you and watching out for goodness to come your way.



Im so sorry for your loss
 and Thank You for your kind words & encouragement


----------



## JoiseyMom

Stacy..I am so sorry Andy did this too you, on top of everything else.  One day he is going to wake up and say *** did I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope to heck you are taking him to the cleaners!!  I know that sounds petty..but heck..make him pay!  And he wants you to make his life easier by making the divorce faster??  Umm...NO..why...so he can go off with his girl toy??    

I am so so so so sorry!!  

Hugs!!  I am 1 hour away from you..if you need to get away or went to go out..let me know..I am there!!!!!!


----------



## safetymom

Sending hugs and prayers for all that you are dealing with.


----------



## Jenvenza

Hope you are doing well!


----------



## weswife

Hello, I just read this entire thread. All I can do is shake my head and take deep breaths. I don't have advice, I have never walked in your shoes. I feel so deeply moved by your story. 

I am sorry for your loss. I can not imagine your pain. I have 3 of my own. My DD was very ill in 2007 and was very close to death. I am at a loss for words for you. 

As for your divorce oh my is the reply. Its beyond thinking! 

I guess I wanted you to know I am thinking and praying for you! I know we do not know each other and may never meet but you will be in my thoughts. You must be a strong lady and I hope something good comes your way! 

All the best , take care! If you ever need a chat, I am here daily! Always here to listen and never judge.  I will check this site to see if you update how you are.


----------



## pfishgirl

Hi All
 Checking In

I really do appreciate all your thoughts prayers and kinds words and for you sharing your stories with me




Im doing.. ok.. Ok as I can be I guess. Its still very hard and Im hurting for both losses all the time.

Im keeping busy and trying to stay active

I start Vocational School for Medical Receptionist on the 25th. Its an 11 week course and they help build your resume with you. Im excited, and it should keep me preoccupied so Im not sitting around in a big empty house dwelling on what could of or should of been

Again I thank each and every one of you for all your continuous support.. Its my Dis Family who help keep me Strong


----------



## shoes99

pfishgirl said:


> Hi All
> Checking In
> 
> I really do appreciate all your thoughts prayers and kinds words and for you sharing your stories with me
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Im doing.. ok.. Ok as I can be I guess. Its still very hard and Im hurting for both losses all the time.
> 
> Im keeping busy and trying to stay active
> 
> I start Vocational School for Medical Receptionist on the 25th. Its an 11 week course and they help build your resume with you. Im excited, and it should keep me preoccupied so Im not sitting around in a big empty house dwelling on what could of or should of been
> 
> Again I thank each and every one of you for all your continuous support.. Its my Dis Family who help keep me Strong



Thanks for checking in Stacy.  You know we think about you every single day.  
Aunt Michele


----------



## pfishgirl

shoes99 said:


> Thanks for checking in Stacy.  You know we think about you every single day.
> Aunt Michele



Thank You  

Love You

Thanks for still being my family.. You, Judy & Beth are the only ones that actually continue to check up on me.. Its appreciated..


----------



## circhead

Stacy.

Congratulations on school.  
Damien is helping you find the strength to go on.  Good for him.

I hope you continue to go forward.  I believe that you are a very strong person for dealing with all the sorrow in your life this past year.

Thinking of you and wishing you well.


----------



## weswife

Congrats!!!!!!! on going to school!!!!


----------



## tnkr mom

Thinking of you, how did the start of school go?


----------



## TheDisneyGirl02

pfishgirl said:


> Ugh!!!  It's almost over now..
> 
> My Husband is closing on his new place early. It was suppose to be Jan 25th. They upped it to next Friday. He will be moving out for good by Saturday..
> 
> I won't even really see him this week either.. He is leaving tonight and won't be back til Wednesday. He'll stay here Wednesday & Thursday & possibly Friday but not too sure..
> 
> I go on the 19th to the Divorce center to get the process started. Not my choice but he is pushing hard to get it over with..
> 
> My heart is so broken and I cry all the time
> 
> We should be divorced in March.. He'll be on his cruise with his Girlfriend while I will be in a court room getting a divorce.. Using a Divorce center only 1 spouse has to show up..
> 
> This really really stinks and Im so scared.. Ive never been alone before. I always at least had Damien by my side.. I miss my son so Much and the Holidays were just horrible without him



I am so sorry to hear about this.   



pfishgirl said:


> Hi All
> Checking In
> 
> I really do appreciate all your thoughts prayers and kinds words and for you sharing your stories with me
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Im doing.. ok.. Ok as I can be I guess. Its still very hard and Im hurting for both losses all the time.
> 
> Im keeping busy and trying to stay active
> 
> I start Vocational School for Medical Receptionist on the 25th. Its an 11 week course and they help build your resume with you. Im excited, and it should keep me preoccupied so Im not sitting around in a big empty house dwelling on what could of or should of been
> 
> Again I thank each and every one of you for all your continuous support.. Its my Dis Family who help keep me Strong



I'm hoping you had a good first day of school.  Sending you more hugs because I don't know what else to say...


----------



## snapppyd

I never even knew this part of the board existed.  Your story was at the top and I just read the whole thing.  I'm sitting here crying for you, I am beyond sorry for everything that has happened to you.  I really can't imagine what  you are going through.  

I applaud you for moving on and going back to school.  You WILL get through this! You are still a young woman and you can find happiness again.


----------



## pfishgirl

Update:

  School went very well on Monday until she told us we will be meeting for now on in My Son's Old Classroom!!!     He spent 2 years in that classroom for Medical Assisting. 

  Panic clicked in a little. I explained to my teacher about my son and she was very understanding. She said IF I have problems with it we can work something out..  Ok whew.. Good to know in advance.. 

  Ok, so the 2nd night of school ( it's only Mon & Wed ) we were lined up outside the classroom waiting and a few of the students who kinda over heard me talking to the Teacher asked if I was OK and Ready to go in.. They were really nice to me and understanding.. 

  We went in and at first I let the room sink in.. And I kept remembering Damien LOVED being in that classroom.. My Dad even said to me, Maybe that was Damien's way of telling me he Approves and is Proud of me for going back to school..  

  So far so good. I like the teacher, the other students and the class.

 Hugs To All


----------



## Mommy2ArmyBrat

I'm so sorry for your loss.


----------



## TaraPA

How ironic that you are now meeting in your son's old classroom.    Maybe you will come to see it as comforting in a way, that he was there before you, and that he's with you know, urging you to continue school & holding your hand all the way.   He's there to support you!        If it's too much to handle, don't be afriad to let the teacher know, sounds like she will work with you in finding another option.


----------



## shoes99

pfishgirl said:


> Update:
> School went very well on Monday until she told us we will be meeting for now on in My Son's Old Classroom!!!     He spent 2 years in that classroom for Medical Assisting.
> Panic clicked in a little. I explained to my teacher about my son and she was very understanding. She said IF I have problems with it we can work something out..  Ok whew.. Good to know in advance..
> Ok, so the 2nd night of school ( it's only Mon & Wed ) we were lined up outside the classroom waiting and a few of the students who kinda over heard me talking to the Teacher asked if I was OK and Ready to go in.. They were really nice to me and understanding..
> We went in and at first I let the room sink in.. And I kept remembering Damien LOVED being in that classroom.. My Dad even said to me, Maybe that was Damien's way of telling me he Approves and is Proud of me for going back to school..
> So far so good. I like the teacher, the other students and the class.
> Hugs To All



Stacy we are very proud of you.  Call me anytime if you need to talk.
Aunt Michele


----------



## tnkr mom

PFishGirl - So glad to hear your updates!  Sending you   for next week!!)
\


----------



## circhead

I'm glad the first week went well - even though the classroom was a little unnerving for you.  I'm glad the teacher is willing to help you work it out.

I agree with your Dad - Damien wants you there and he's letting you know it.  He wants to share with you something he loved.

Good luck on next week.


----------



## tnkr mom

So how are you doing?


----------



## MAKHayes-DisneyDiva

Thinking of you!!  I hope the course goes well and you find a really great job.  You know, there are medical facilities in Orlando that might be hiring!


----------



## pfishgirl

MAKHayes-DisneyDiva said:


> Thinking of you!!  I hope the course goes well and you find a really great job.  You know, there are medical facilities in Orlando that might be hiring!



Actually, I am seriously thinking about moving to Florida, if the "husband" will let me live in our Florida house.. But... I'm not sure he will.. Since he likes Vacationing at our house and he brings his GF there too and they stay in "our" bed in "our" room..    Ughhh I still don't get them


----------



## MAKHayes-DisneyDiva

pfishgirl said:


> Actually, I am seriously thinking about moving to Florida, if the "husband" will let me live in our Florida house.. But... I'm not sure he will.. Since he likes Vacationing at our house and he brings his GF there too and they stay in "our" bed in "our" room..    Ughhh I still don't get them



I'm sorry about the gf.  That really stinks!  Don't let them ruin FL for you!
Isn't it your house too?  Could you say "Due to your adultery, I'll be living in the Florida house.  I hear that DVC has some nice properties if you wish to vacation in the area..."  Easier said than done, I'm sure.


----------



## pfishgirl

Its been officially 9 months since my son passed and I have had a horrible mental week..  and Valentine's Day alone for the first time in many many many years


----------



## dee47




----------



## tnkr mom

Thinking of you - how are you doing?  :hugs:


----------



## luckylab

you are in my thoughts and prayers. reminds me the loss of my parents.


----------



## pfishgirl

I'm still hanging in there the best I can
 Having good days & bad days like everyone else in the world
School is going well so it helps keep me preoccupied 
 I still need to find a job. Its so hard when there are so few jobs and so many people looking for anything at all


----------



## pfishgirl

Checking in to say hello


----------



## shoes99

pfishgirl said:


> Checking in to say hello


Hi Stacy, checking in to say Hello.  Hope this week is a better week for you.
Aunt Michele


----------



## tnkr mom

Hope all is going well!


----------



## pfishgirl

It's been almost a year now and it feels like yesterday and yet a million years ago..


----------



## pepperw23




----------



## pfishgirl

11 Months


----------



## TheDisneyGirl02

pfishgirl said:


> 11 Months


----------



## MAKHayes-DisneyDiva

pfishgirl said:


> 11 Months



Sending hugs.


----------



## pfishgirl

Thank You for your continued hugs, stories, and kind words.. Every bit help and I am so Thankful for such caring Dis'ers


----------



## TaraPA

I'm sure some of us don't know what to say to you (I sure don't!) but we all want you to know we're thinking of you & will do whatever we can across the computer wires to help!


----------



## pfishgirl

TaraPA said:


> I'm sure some of us don't know what to say to you (I sure don't!) but we all want you to know we're thinking of you & will do whatever we can across the computer wires to help!



Thank You, it is highly appreciated



Just knowing I have somewhere I can go and talk to people if needed is a big help..


----------



## TheDisneyGirl02

Just sending you a hug...


----------



## pfishgirl

TheDisneyGirl02 said:


> Just sending you a hug...






I realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly need one  too

One week from today would of been my son's 20th birthday  ( may 6th)
Two weeks from today is his 1st Angelversary  (may 13th)

of course Mother's Day is in between there.. 

This is the 1st Mother's day I will be without my son


----------



## TheDisneyGirl02

pfishgirl said:


> I realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly need one  too
> 
> One week from today would of been my son's 20th birthday  ( may 6th)
> Two weeks from today is his 1st Angelversary  (may 13th)
> 
> of course Mother's Day is in between there..
> 
> This is the 1st Mother's day I will be without my son



I'm going to send you a bunch of hugs to help get you through the next couple of weeks...


----------



## MAKHayes-DisneyDiva

I'm sending hugs.


----------



## ndloewen

pfishgirl said:


> I realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly need one  too
> 
> One week from today would of been my son's 20th birthday  ( may 6th)
> Two weeks from today is his 1st Angelversary  (may 13th)
> 
> of course Mother's Day is in between there..
> 
> This is the 1st Mother's day I will be without my son



Many hugs to you. Yesterday was 9 months since I lost my son. I too, am dreading this first mothers day without all my children here.


----------



## jakenjess

I'm so sorry for your loss.


----------



## MAKHayes-DisneyDiva

Today is the 7th anniversary of my son's death.    I share in your grief and sadness.  I wish I could tell you how much easier it is after 5 or 6 years, but so far, it isn't.


----------



## pfishgirl

Thank You All

 I am soooooo sorry for your losses


----------



## pfishgirl

Damien would of been 20 years old Tomorrow and it's really been a tough few days

He did send me a dream last night, Guess I got a present instead of him for his Birthday


----------



## TaraPA

awwww, Happy Birthday tomorrow Damien!

If you feel the need to celebrate his birthday tomorrow, then celebrate it.   If you feel the need to not, then don't.   Just do whatever gets you through the day!   We're all thinking of you!


----------



## shoes99

Love to Stacy and "Happy Birthday Damien"..  We miss you.
Aunt Michele & Uncle Buddy


----------



## pfishgirl

Thank You All

Sunday, Mother's Day and Thursday the 13th are going to be the Really Hard Days.. At least today Damien's Birthday is a day to reflect on all the Happy Fun memories


----------



## MAKHayes-DisneyDiva

pfishgirl said:


> Damien would of been 20 years old Tomorrow and it's really been a tough few days
> 
> He did send me a dream last night, Guess I got a present instead of him for his Birthday



I love when that happens!


----------



## pfishgirl

Well my 1st Mother's Day in 20 years without my son was an exhausting mental day. I did go and get a tattoo in honor of Damien so I concentrated on that more then the day itself. It kinda helped to keep preoccupied. 

Thursday.. will be the 1st year "Angelversary"


----------



## TheDisneyGirl02

pfishgirl said:


> Well my 1st Mother's Day in 20 years without my son was an exhausting mental day. I did go and get a tattoo in honor of Damien so I concentrated on that more then the day itself. It kinda helped to keep preoccupied.
> 
> Thursday.. will be the 1st year "Angelversary"



I'm sending you lots of hugs to get you through this week...


----------



## minniebeth




----------



## pfishgirl

Thank You ALL for everything you have done for me in the past year. The stories you shared. The ultra kind words, thoughts, blessings, prayers and Pixie Dust..  It is extremely nice of you to keep me and Damien in your thoughts..

I love my DisBoards Family


----------



## TheDisneyGirl02

pfishgirl said:


> Thank You ALL for everything you have done for me in the past year. The stories you shared. The ultra kind words, thoughts, blessings, prayers and Pixie Dust..  It is extremely nice of you to keep me and Damien in your thoughts..
> 
> I love my DisBoards Family



I've thought a lot about you over the last couple of days.


----------



## cm8

pfishgirl said:


> Thank You ALL for everything you have done for me in the past year. The stories you shared. The ultra kind words, thoughts, blessings, prayers and Pixie Dust..  It is extremely nice of you to keep me and Damien in your thoughts..
> 
> I love my DisBoards Family



, thinking of you too!


----------



## dee47

You are in my heart and thoughts often.


----------



## It'sWDW4me

I'm in tears reading this thread. My deepest condolences to all of you who have lost a child of any age. That is, quite honestly, my greatest fear.


----------



## Brenle

pfishgirl said:


> Well my 1st Mother's Day in 20 years without my son was an exhausting mental day. I did go and get a tattoo in honor of Damien so I concentrated on that more then the day itself. It kinda helped to keep preoccupied.
> 
> Thursday.. will be the 1st year "Angelversary"


 
Saying a pray tonight for you and your son.


----------



## tnkr mom

Thinking of you and hoping your smiling remembering the happy times!


----------



## shoes99

Thinking of you today Stacy.   
Aunt Michele & Uncle Buddy


----------



## TaraPA

Hugs to you on this difficult day.  Let yourself feel whatever you need to, and take it minute by minute, hour by hour.


----------



## Heidict

Just wanted to stop by and send some hugs your way on this difficult day.   You do what ever you need to do to get through this.


----------



## shoes99

I know this doesn't help Stacy, but I need to share that we had a new baby boy born today on my side of the family.  My cousin's first grandchild.  Please welcome:
Tristan (Jastrzebski) Tritini 
7 lbs 12 oz
8:34AM
20 1/2 inches 
Freehold Center State Hospital

Damien, we miss you.


----------



## pfishgirl

Congrats Aunt Michele and Family 


Thank You ALL for your thoughts today   
  Its been really hard all day
I wasnt even planning on logging onto a computer today but something told me I should 

Thank You from the bottom of my heart

I hope I don't get in trouble but in Today's local newspaper  The Asbury Park Press or on the web (APP.com) there is an "In Remembrance" in the Obituary section for  Damien


----------



## shoes99

Stacy, I looked online and couldn't find the rememberance at app....
What a strange day for me.
Damien's anniversary,
My cousin's new grandchild,
and now my brother Jack just called to say his best friend Eddie Jeffries just passed away at the age of 57 from cancer.  Sad story.  He lived in Ohio after he re-married but his family is here in NJ, so his wife agreed to take him back to NJ to spend his last few days.  He died in Hospice Care at JFK Hospital in Edison.  He was only here in NJ for a few days.  Rest In Peace Ed..
Aunt Michele & Uncle Bud


----------



## pfishgirl

shoes99 said:


> Stacy, I looked online and couldn't find the rememberance at app....
> What a strange day for me.
> Damien's anniversary,
> My cousin's new grandchild,
> and now my brother Jack just called to say his best friend Eddie Jeffries just passed away at the age of 57 from cancer.  Sad story.  He lived in Ohio after he re-married but his family is here in NJ, so his wife agreed to take him back to NJ to spend his last few days.  He died in Hospice Care at JFK Hospital in Edison.  He was only here in NJ for a few days.  Rest In Peace Ed..
> Aunt Michele & Uncle Bud



Oy Vey!!!  

Prayers and Blessings to Ed's family & friends


----------



## TheDisneyGirl02

I know that you are still going to need support even though the anniversary is over.  Here are some hugs to help you get through the next couple of days...


----------



## pfishgirl

shoes99 said:


> Stacy, I looked online and couldn't find the rememberance at app....




Looked it up today, well apparently it's only updated as of this moment til May 10th. So we need May 13th to find Damien's I'm guessing it should be up soon


----------



## CDoobee

I just read through your thread.  I'm so sorry for the loss of Damien.    
And  to the rest of you who have lost children, also.

Today, May 16th, is the 4th anniversary of the loss of my DD, Hilary, who was 33.  The pain feels like yesterday, but yet it seems like hundreds of years since I saw her, spoke to her, or held her.


----------



## pfishgirl

CDoobee said:


> I just read through your thread.  I'm so sorry for the loss of Damien.
> And  to the rest of you who have lost children, also.
> 
> Today, May 16th, is the 4th anniversary of the loss of my DD, Hilary, who was 33.  The pain feels like yesterday, but yet it seems like hundreds of years since I saw her, spoke to her, or held her.



Thank You   

 and I am so sorry for the loss of you dear daughter


----------



## pfishgirl

Today is such a yuky dreary rainy day out. Its cold and gray and Tuesdays have already been my "bad days" Not sure why, Im guessing because it was the last day I spent with my son,   maybe 

  

and Im waiting for the phone company because my phones echo for the first 5 - 10 seconds of any call coming in or going out.


----------



## Brenle

Sorry for your bad day.  Hoping tomorrow is better for you.


----------



## JerseyJanice

I just saw this thread, as I came over to post about a family tragedy.

I am so very sorry for your loss, Phishgirl.  I remember your username from way back in the day.  My heart is broken for you.  I can't even imagine how awful your pain must be.  

My deepest condolences to you.


----------



## pfishgirl

JerseyJanice said:


> I just saw this thread, as I came over to post about a family tragedy.
> 
> I am so very sorry for your loss, Phishgirl.  I remember your username from way back in the day.  My heart is broken for you.  I can't even imagine how awful your pain must be.
> 
> My deepest condolences to you.



Thank You so much


----------



## New2DVC

Reading your post brought tears to my eyes.  I can't imagine what you must be going through.  Being a single mom of an only child, a boy 18yo, I especially feel bad for you.  I am assuming they are doing an autopsy. The only thing worse than loosing a child would be not knowing why.  Perhaps they will have an answer for  why it happened.  Maybe he had an undiagnosed heart problem.  I work in cardiac surgery, and used to work in cardiac surgery at a childrens hospital.  It is amazing how many pediatric cardiac disorders there are out there, and many don't surface with well defined symptoms until its a crisis.  I am imaging that is what happened to him.  Again, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Im sure its quite devastating. Maybe you will at least get an answer why to help with closure.  Peace be with you.


----------



## pfishgirl

New2DVC said:


> Reading your post brought tears to my eyes.  I can't imagine what you must be going through.  Being a single mom of an only child, a boy 18yo, I especially feel bad for you.  I am assuming they are doing an autopsy. The only thing worse than loosing a child would be not knowing why.  Perhaps they will have an answer for  why it happened.  Maybe he had an undiagnosed heart problem.  I work in cardiac surgery, and used to work in cardiac surgery at a childrens hospital.  It is amazing how many pediatric cardiac disorders there are out there, and many don't surface with well defined symptoms until its a crisis.  I am imaging that is what happened to him.  Again, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Im sure its quite devastating. Maybe you will at least get an answer why to help with closure.  Peace be with you.



Thank You for your thoughts.. He passed away a year ago, so the autopsy was done already. 

and Actually, No, I was left with a lot of unanswered questions. 

The autopsy report said Accidental Death, caused by Acute Pulmonary Congestion. His lungs filled with liquid and blood and he suffocated.

Problem with that is...... NO other organs were effected, He wasn't sick with a cold, a flu or even a headache.. Nothing..  Toxicology report affirmed No Drugs, No Alcohol, No Chemicals.. Nothing, not even aspirin..


----------



## pfishgirl

I came over to check in..
 Having a bad few days again..

Missing my son a real lot, since he is not attending the bbq parties we would go to each year. and the trips we would be planning right now for a September DCL cruise with friends and family


----------



## JoiseyMom

pfishgirl said:


> I came over to check in..
> Having a bad few days again..
> 
> Missing my son a real lot, since he is not attending the bbq parties we would go to each year. and the trips we would be planning right now for a September DCL cruise with friends and family


 
Hugs Stacy


----------



## pfishgirl

JoiseyMom said:


> Hugs Stacy



Thank You
  Its been a rough few days mentally


----------



## tnkr mom

Checking in on you!  We are heading to Cape May this summer.


----------



## pfishgirl

tnkr mom said:


> Checking in on you!  We are heading to Cape May this summer.



Ohhh  I haven't been to Cape May in Years...  Loved It!!

I'm hanging in there
Thank You

Hope all is well with you and yours


----------



## MyMagicKingdom

I can't even possibly imagine what you have been/still are going through.  I wish you all the best and every prayer possible.  May you find strength in unexpected places and may you continue to have beautiful dreams of your smiling son.

My DS will be 2 on July 16th, and this is truly a worst fear.   The day after his first birthday party last year our home was destroyed by a fire.  Luckily we weren't home but the fire chief said that if we were, and our son was in his bedroom that there's no way we would've been able to get to him because the fire started in the kitchen, right under his bedroom and was so violent and spread so quickly.  That alone makes me ill anytime I think about it and I thank God every single day.  Again, I can't imagine what you're going through but I sincerely hope you're as well as can be.  Many, many hugs for everyday!!        You and your son are very much in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## mdvlprof

pfishgirl-

 Just found this thread.  So sorry about your son.  

Hope you are having more good days than bad days.


----------



## turnerx6

First of all...

Im terribly sorry for this unexpected journey you have been put on.  Though I cannot completely understand how you are feeling right now - I can offer my listening ear and support. 

My dh and I lost our 5 month old daughter in Oct. 2007.  She was our second child...she spent 4 of her 5 months in the hospital with a very rare genetic disorder.  The dr's thought she would be just fine - that she would never have any severe problems or delays - that she would just be petite.  Unfortunately they were wrong.  Our dd was very, very ill.  It was so terrible to sit by her bed side every single day - unable to do anything.  We couldn't even really hold her without her crying in pain.  She spent the last month at home with us, on hospice care.  Of course the entire time we prayed for a miracle..but trusted in Gods decision as we knew He loved her even more than we loved her - He created her.  She ended up passing away the night before my birthday.  I have had a rough time dealing with her death... there are days the pain seems unbearable - like I simply cannot take another breath.  On those days I do my best to run to our Lord and also to my husband.  If I have learned anything over the past 2 1/2 years it is that everyone grieves differently.  We have struggled with our families - and their lack of support.  It was like our dd was never here..they never mention her name, have taken most if not all pictures down, etc.  This has been so hard.  They have gotten mad at us for the way we grieve..and in turn we have gotten mad at them for they way they dont seem to be grieving at all.  I think it all comes down to the fact that we all do it differently.  I have only seen my dh cry a few times..but I know that he feels he has to be strong for me and our three other kids.  I know he misses his baby girl just as much as I do.  We used to go to support groups - but no longer do because we dont have a sitter available to watch our other children..so we really feel like we have to deal with it all alone.  It has been so trying on our family and our marriage...

I certainly wish I had some good advice for you - or better yet, I wish I could take away all of your pain.  I wish NOBODY ever had to walk such a horrible journey like this...unfortunately I cannot do any of this - however I can offer you a shoulder to cry on.  Sometimes it just helps to know that you are not the only one hurting..you are not the only one learning to live again.  Feel free to send me a message if you want my persnal email.  I would love to hear from you...until then, please know that all of us on the Disboards are praying for you and your family!

Many hugs!
Kelly


----------



## ChipnDaleRule

Coming across this thread for the first time really puts everything into prospective.
Just wanted to pass on my heart felt wishes


----------



## Pea-n-Me

pfishgirl said:


> Thank You for your thoughts.. He passed away a year ago, so the autopsy was done already.
> 
> and Actually, No, I was left with a lot of unanswered questions.
> 
> The autopsy report said Accidental Death, caused by Acute Pulmonary Congestion. His lungs filled with liquid and blood and he suffocated.
> 
> Problem with that is...... NO other organs were effected, He wasn't sick with a cold, a flu or even a headache.. Nothing..  Toxicology report affirmed No Drugs, No Alcohol, No Chemicals.. Nothing, not even aspirin..


I am so sorry about your son.  

Did the autopsy mention an enlarged heart or a condition called cardiomyopathy?


----------



## pfishgirl

Pea-n-Me said:


> I am so sorry about your son.
> 
> Did the autopsy mention an enlarged heart or a condition called cardiomyopathy?



No. Only his Lungs were effected


----------



## pfishgirl

Thank you all for sharing your stories and for the kind words and thoughts prayers and blessings.. I really do appreciate each hug, every story and all the kind loving thoughts..   

I have good days, bad days and very bad days.. I'm feel very lost and lonely most of the time and even the things I once enjoyed so much are no longer enjoyable because "we" did them as a "family"   

Today I went to the monthly support group meeting with compassionate friends and they do truly help. My feelings and thoughts don't seem so crazy and unusual when I am there and I know we all feel comfortable enough to take our masks off and totally be ourselves

I'm hanging in there the best I can, I'm still not divorced, but the paperwork has been started.. I still wish he'd change his mind and want to work us out but no such luck. I know I need to let go, he moved on long ago without me but I just can't seem to get my heart to move on.


----------



## Pea-n-Me

pfishgirl said:


> No. Only his Lungs were effected


Have you tried speaking with a pulmonologist and/or cardiologist to get some idea of what might have happened; why his lungs filled with fluid? If you bring the autopsy report with you, they might be able to see something in there that might help make more sense of it for you. Not trying to belabor the point, just trying to help as I know I would have to have answers.


----------



## mdvlprof

Sometimes even the 'specialists' don't know.  You just don't want them to find your case 'interesting'.  

DS (now 20) case was.  I watched/worried/prayed as a gifted 17-yr old suffered series of catasatrophic illnesses that left him unable to move anything other than facial muscles.  I prepared myself to say goodbye at least 3 times.


----------



## Heidict

pfishgirl said:


> Thank you all for sharing your stories and for the kind words and thoughts prayers and blessings.. I really do appreciate each hug, every story and all the kind loving thoughts..
> 
> I have good days, bad days and very bad days.. I'm feel very lost and lonely most of the time and even the things I once enjoyed so much are no longer enjoyable because "we" did them as a "family"
> 
> Today I went to the monthly support group meeting with compassionate friends and they do truly help. My feelings and thoughts don't seem so crazy and unusual when I am there and I know we all feel comfortable enough to take our masks off and totally be ourselves
> 
> I'm hanging in there the best I can, I'm still not divorced, but the paperwork has been started.. I still wish he'd change his mind and want to work us out but no such luck. I know I need to let go, he moved on long ago without me but I just can't seem to get my heart to move on.


Oh sweetie, my heart just breaks for you.    To lose a child has to be one of the worst things in life but then to have a husband that does what he did just gets me so angry!!   I still can't wrap my mind around why he would do that.

I can imagine you not wanting to let go, or not being ready to let go is perfectly normal.  It is going to take time.


----------



## tnkr mom

pfishgirl said:


> Thank you all for sharing your stories and for the kind words and thoughts prayers and blessings.. I really do appreciate each hug, every story and all the kind loving thoughts..
> 
> I have good days, bad days and very bad days.. I'm feel very lost and lonely most of the time and even the things I once enjoyed so much are no longer enjoyable because "we" did them as a "family"
> 
> Today I went to the monthly support group meeting with compassionate friends and they do truly help. My feelings and thoughts don't seem so crazy and unusual when I am there and I know we all feel comfortable enough to take our masks off and totally be ourselves
> 
> I'm hanging in there the best I can, I'm still not divorced, but the paperwork has been started.. I still wish he'd change his mind and want to work us out but no such luck. I know I need to let go, he moved on long ago without me but I just can't seem to get my heart to move on.



Hi, so glad you checked in with us.  I have been thinking about you!!)


----------



## SPENCER AA

pfishgirl said:


> I have never posted here before. I never even paid close enough attention to see this thread existed.. I just really needed somewhere to turn. I am having a very hard time trying to be strong for our family and friends.
> 
> My Story:
> 
> On May 6th, our son, our only child turned 19 years old. On May 13th he passed away and it's been 9 weeks and we still don't know exactly why..
> 
> He was an EMT for our hometown and attending college to be a Respiratory Therapist.. He went through 2 years of Vocational School and graduated with High Honors for Medical Assisting.. Graduated HS in 2008...
> 
> He spoke to his girlfriend at 11:30am, never said he didn't feel well, no headache, nothing.. He told her he was going to take a shower, and get ready for his last final exam of the semester.. but, When I got home around 1 pm from grocery shopping and errands, he was already gone.. I found him on his bed, unconscious, pale as can be and cold.
> 
> I've been to a support group, but it only meets once a month. I've been to 2 so far. It helps, I guess, a little, knowing They know my pain of losing a child.
> 
> I cry every day, even though I don't let my husband see me cry, I know he knows I do. He puts up a brave front for me as well. We have cried together maybe 3 times since it happened.
> 
> I just miss my son so much and I feel helpless because I can't fix this. I can't take everyone's pain away and make it okay again..
> 
> thanks for listening


       So sorry for your loss,  God bless you and your family.  I will say a prayer for your son and your family tonight.


----------



## pfishgirl




----------



## quasar4legs

Hi pfishgirl,

Sending you a big hug

Honestly, there are no words that can ease your pain but if you feel like chatting we are hear to listen.

So sorry that you have had to live through every parent's worse nightmare.

Quasar


----------



## mamo-4-wdw

My son passed away July 1,2010.

I am so sorry for your loss.  I know some of your pain. I also cry many times everyday. I miss my Son everytime i see something on tv he would like to have watched,go to the grocery store,gas station, breath air. 

I had 5 months "notice" but it was still devestating!!!!!!!
I saw this movie a few days ago it was about ghosts who live in this house and one ghost is interviewing another ghost, he asks him what hell is and the ghost says it must be like losing a loved one before their time and having to live with that grief the rest of your life.
We must both be in hell. hugs. 
My Dr. gave me a perscription for Xanax (sp?) 
I am thinking you might need to talk to your Dr. and see if he/she thinks you might benifit from a perscription. 
I  also try to do things I know my Son would want me to do:
Love my kittens,they loved him and he would pet them for hours
I have a big junk room and he joked about me only having till December to clean it out or he would get the bulldozer
He would feed the birds on our front porch and sit and watch them,so now i do this

Just think of things your son and you used to do and go do it, know he is watching you and is pleased.
I know your son and mine would want us to not be so miserable. I believe in heaven and I want be able to tell Jonathan about things I had seen or done after he passed away. He really wanted to go to Hawaii but the Drs would not let him go so next year i am going so i can tell him all about it.
Was there some where your son talked about going or wanted to do, maybe you can go or do it so you can tell him about it it and make him so proud of you.
I am sending heart felt hugs and more hugs to you. God Bless us both.
I know what you mean about not being able to fix things or make it better, its just part of being a caring mom and human being. I figure if I can get thru this everyone else is on their own.
I am so sorry to hear your husband is leaving but maybe this will lead to something better for you. Sending prayers and loads of love your way. Hugs


----------



## pfishgirl

mamo-4-wdw said:


> My son passed away July 1,2010.
> 
> I am so sorry for your loss.  I know some of your pain. I also cry many times everyday. I miss my Son everytime i see something on tv he would like to have watched,go to the grocery store,gas station, breath air.
> 
> I had 5 months "notice" but it was still devestating!!!!!!!
> I saw this movie a few days ago it was about ghosts who live in this house and one ghost is interviewing another ghost, he asks him what hell is and the ghost says it must be like losing a loved one before their time and having to live with that grief the rest of your life.
> We must both be in hell. hugs.
> My Dr. gave me a perscription for Xanax (sp?)
> I am thinking you might need to talk to your Dr. and see if he/she thinks you might benifit from a perscription.
> I  also try to do things I know my Son would want me to do:
> Love my kittens,they loved him and he would pet them for hours
> I have a big junk room and he joked about me only having till December to clean it out or he would get the bulldozer
> He would feed the birds on our front porch and sit and watch them,so now i do this
> 
> Just think of things your son and you used to do and go do it, know he is watching you and is pleased.
> I know your son and mine would want us to not be so miserable. I believe in heaven and I want be able to tell Jonathan about things I had seen or done after he passed away. He really wanted to go to Hawaii but the Drs would not let him go so next year i am going so i can tell him all about it.
> Was there some where your son talked about going or wanted to do, maybe you can go or do it so you can tell him about it it and make him so proud of you.
> I am sending heart felt hugs and more hugs to you. God Bless us both.
> I know what you mean about not being able to fix things or make it better, its just part of being a caring mom and human being. I figure if I can get thru this everyone else is on their own.
> I am so sorry to hear your husband is leaving but maybe this will lead to something better for you. Sending prayers and loads of love your way. Hugs



I am so sorry for your loss. Yours is a lot fresher then mine but the pain is still very real.    Thank You for sharing your story

I have some good days, bad days and really bad days 
Lately, Ive been having really bad days and cant seem to get over the hump but Im still here and trying day by day


----------



## mamo-4-wdw

I have had about 4 or 5 really bad days. I was in Sam's today crying my eyes out, it was just the best i could do.
I see you can't sleep either. I hate this cause tom. i will be exausted and have big puffy eyes.


----------



## pfishgirl

mamo-4-wdw said:


> I have had about 4 or 5 really bad days. I was in Sam's today crying my eyes out, it was just the best i could do.
> I see you can't sleep either. I hate this cause tom. i will be exausted and have big puffy eyes.



Yes, I have had many of those days. Waking up all puffy and no sleep the night before


----------



## TheDisneyGirl02

mamo-4-wdw said:


> My son passed away July 1,2010.
> 
> I am so sorry for your loss.  I know some of your pain. I also cry many times everyday. I miss my Son everytime i see something on tv he would like to have watched,go to the grocery store,gas station, breath air.
> 
> I had 5 months "notice" but it was still devestating!!!!!!!
> I saw this movie a few days ago it was about ghosts who live in this house and one ghost is interviewing another ghost, he asks him what hell is and the ghost says it must be like losing a loved one before their time and having to live with that grief the rest of your life.
> We must both be in hell. hugs.
> My Dr. gave me a perscription for Xanax (sp?)
> I am thinking you might need to talk to your Dr. and see if he/she thinks you might benifit from a perscription.
> I  also try to do things I know my Son would want me to do:
> Love my kittens,they loved him and he would pet them for hours
> I have a big junk room and he joked about me only having till December to clean it out or he would get the bulldozer
> He would feed the birds on our front porch and sit and watch them,so now i do this
> 
> Just think of things your son and you used to do and go do it, know he is watching you and is pleased.
> I know your son and mine would want us to not be so miserable. I believe in heaven and I want be able to tell Jonathan about things I had seen or done after he passed away. He really wanted to go to Hawaii but the Drs would not let him go so next year i am going so i can tell him all about it.
> Was there some where your son talked about going or wanted to do, maybe you can go or do it so you can tell him about it it and make him so proud of you.
> I am sending heart felt hugs and more hugs to you. God Bless us both.
> I know what you mean about not being able to fix things or make it better, its just part of being a caring mom and human being. I figure if I can get thru this everyone else is on their own.
> I am so sorry to hear your husband is leaving but maybe this will lead to something better for you. Sending prayers and loads of love your way. Hugs



I am so sorry for your loss.  



pfishgirl said:


> I am so sorry for your loss. Yours is a lot fresher then mine but the pain is still very real.    Thank You for sharing your story
> 
> I have some good days, bad days and really bad days
> Lately, Ive been having really bad days and cant seem to get over the hump but Im still here and trying day by day


----------



## pfishgirl

My Divorce Was Finalized Today


----------



## JoiseyMom

Sweetie...it will get better!  He didn't/doesn't deserve you, he is unworthy of you.

You are going to find the right one...he is out there for you!


----------



## 2girls4me

I'm so sorry for your loss.


----------



## pfishgirl

JoiseyMom said:


> Sweetie...it will get better!  He didn't/doesn't deserve you, he is unworthy of you.
> 
> You are going to find the right one...he is out there for you!




Thank You
 and I miss all of you DisFriends 
I am so jealous of all of you cruising without me


----------



## JoiseyMom

pfishgirl said:


> Thank You
> and I miss all of you DisFriends
> I am so jealous of all of you cruising without me


 
Don't be jealous of me!!  We haven't cruised or vacationed since 2008 .
We cancelled last years cruise, this year we had family wedding, and I don't think we will be ble to afford next years either.

I so need a disney fix it isn't funny!!

So we are in the same boat (pun intended) for Dis trips!!


----------



## pfishgirl

JoiseyMom said:


> Don't be jealous of me!!  We haven't cruised or vacationed since 2008 .
> We cancelled last years cruise, this year we had family wedding, and I don't think we will be ble to afford next years either.
> 
> I so need a disney fix it isn't funny!!
> 
> So we are in the same boat (pun intended) for Dis trips!!



I have a Bad case of DisNey Blues
 I want to go down but I dont want to go alone cause thats no fun


----------



## Brenle

pfishgirl said:


> My Divorce Was Finalized Today


 
Hang in there and know people are praying for brighter days.


----------



## Sorrel

I have been asking Disney questions on this board....

I happened here today...

I just felt it was right to send you my genuine wishes and thoughts of wellbeing, of moving forward. You are truly in my thoughts right now and I am sending you allof my best. Stay strong hun. Oh, and a huge, huge, hug x


----------



## pfishgirl

Sorrel said:


> I have been asking Disney questions on this board....
> 
> I happened here today...
> 
> I just felt it was right to send you my genuine wishes and thoughts of wellbeing, of moving forward. You are truly in my thoughts right now and I am sending you allof my best. Stay strong hun. Oh, and a huge, huge, hug x



Thank You


----------



## tnkr mom

Just thinking & checking in on ya, how are you doing?
Find the magic somewhere; everyday!!)


----------



## bellebud

I just found this thread today... read the first page, then jumped to the last... 

shocked, to say the least!  (so of course I went back through the whole thread).

First, I'm so incredibly sorry for the loss of your beautiful son 

Second, I'm so sorry your dh did what he did, and same for his "girlfriend".  How did your dh not think "what would my ds think of me doing this to his mother?" right in the beginning????  

I remember when a friend was going through a divorce, another friend joked to her "the elephants have it right!  they reproduce, then the females all hang out and raise the kids together w/out the males"... I always get a chuckle out of that (I'm actually not even sure if it's true or not, but it's funny).  

And good for you for going back to school!  What a very strong woman you are... you deserve a wonderful life, and you will have it!


----------



## pfishgirl

bellebud said:


> I just found this thread today... read the first page, then jumped to the last...
> 
> shocked, to say the least!  (so of course I went back through the whole thread).
> 
> First, I'm so incredibly sorry for the loss of your beautiful son
> 
> Second, I'm so sorry your dh did what he did, and same for his "girlfriend".  How did your dh not think "what would my ds think of me doing this to his mother?" right in the beginning????
> 
> I remember when a friend was going through a divorce, another friend joked to her "the elephants have it right!  they reproduce, then the females all hang out and raise the kids together w/out the males"... I always get a chuckle out of that (I'm actually not even sure if it's true or not, but it's funny).
> 
> And good for you for going back to school!  What a very strong woman you are... you deserve a wonderful life, and you will have it!



Thank You   

It is VERY hard, especially with all the Holidays now. I cant even get away from Christmas because it's Everywhere!  Radio, TV, Grocery Stores, even Banks..

I miss my Son so very much


----------



## bellebud

pfishgirl said:


> Thank You
> 
> It is VERY hard, especially with all the Holidays now. I cant even get away from Christmas because it's Everywhere!  Radio, TV, Grocery Stores, even Banks..
> 
> I miss my Son so very much



I would imagine you'd like to just bypass the holidays.  Can you ever plan that?  Just go w/ friends on a cruise, or something like that?  Maybe next year.  There's no right or wrong.  When my dh's brother died (brother was 18, dh and I were married and living in mil's basement apartment - brother lived upstairs w/ mil, so we were all close)... after the burial, mil has never been back to the cemetary - she just cannot (it's been 15 years and she hasn't been there - it's a couple miles from her house, so she passes it everyday).  It's the only way she can deal with it.  And I think it's good she knows herself well enough and doesn't force herself to go - what good would that do, knim?  So whatever feels right for you - do it.  

What are your holiday plans?


----------



## cm8

pfishgirl said:


> Thank You
> 
> It is VERY hard, especially with all the Holidays now. I cant even get away from Christmas because it's Everywhere!  Radio, TV, Grocery Stores, even Banks..
> 
> I miss my Son so very much



Praying that the days will get easier for you as you continue to grieve. May God bless and keep you.


----------



## tnkr mom

Hey pfishgirl thinking about you and checking in; hopeing you are having a Happy New Year!

Dreaming of Cape May Days coming soon.....after all this snow thats headed our way!


----------



## Obadiah Stane

I simply can't imagine what it would be like to lose my son.  He is 10 and is my entire world.  Many can't understand how it is we have such a close relationship and the story behind it is actually long and painful to tell.  Suffice to say that at times something incredibly good can come from something incredibly bad.

I know you miss your son, but if you believe in God know that he is in a better place and is looking down and watching over you every moment of your life.  I am sure he would want you to move on with your life as hard as that is. Try to live your life and honor his memory in the things you do every day.  I'm sure he would like that.

Take care.

God bless.


----------



## LivinInTheCastle




----------



## MEK

I just happened upon this thread today as I was looking for something on ADD/ADHD.  I just want to offer my sincere condolences.  I have a friend who is dealing with the loss of a son (Oct 2008).  Its been a difficult journey and I don't think its a journey that ever ends.

  I recently had the opportunity to sing at a candle lighting service for Compassionate Friends.  What a wonderful support group.  I was so impressed by their caring, concern, and support.  I feel so honored that they asked me to come back next year.

I have two teenage sons and losing one of them is my worst fear.  I really hope that you are able to find moments, hours, and days of peace.


----------



## pfishgirl

Thank You all for the continued support
 I know Im not on here as often as I could be, but even the DisBoards are full of so so so many Memories of a Life I no longer have and it is a continual struggle for me to enjoy anything that we use to do as a family since I no longer have that family


----------



## TheDisneyGirl02

pfishgirl said:


> Thank You all for the continued support
> I know Im not on here as often as I could be, but even the DisBoards are full of so so so many Memories of a Life I no longer have and it is a continual struggle for me to enjoy anything that we use to do as a family since I no longer have that family


----------



## TeresaNJ

bellebud said:


> * I just found this thread today... read the first page, then jumped to the last...
> 
> shocked, to say the least!  *(so of course I went back through the whole thread).
> 
> First, I'm so incredibly sorry for the loss of your beautiful son
> 
> Second, I'm so sorry your dh did what he did, and same for his "girlfriend".  How did your dh not think "what would my ds think of me doing this to his mother?" right in the beginning????
> 
> I remember when a friend was going through a divorce, another friend joked to her "the elephants have it right!  they reproduce, then the females all hang out and raise the kids together w/out the males"... I always get a chuckle out of that (I'm actually not even sure if it's true or not, but it's funny).
> 
> And good for you for going back to school!  What a very strong woman you are... you deserve a wonderful life, and you will have it!



Regarding the above, I did the same.  Oh my goodness pfishgirl, I am so very sorry.  Here I've been feeling sorry for myself because my husband told me two weeks ago that he doesn't "feel it" for me anymore, and that he wants out.  I never saw it coming, and I and my three adult children are devastated and shocked.  I came to this board for support, but after reading some of these threads, I am ashamed for how sorry I was feeling for myself.  You have my deepest sympathy.  I will keep you in my prayers.:hug:


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## MAKHayes-DisneyDiva

Hey phishgirl - Just checking in to say hi and send a hug.  I totally know what you mean about sometimes having trouble facing things from your "old life."  We all understand.


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## goopysolelady

Let me briefly tell my story:
During the years my youngest daughter was in high school band, a group of mothers formed a "club"...The MOB (Mothers of Band).  Our lives then centered around our children and their band activities.  We'd meet once or twice a month at our "leader's" home; have dinner, a few drinks and talk...and TALK.  
Ten years ago one of our "sons" lost his life in an auto accident...the evening we were all on our way to the monthly Band Booster meeting.  We all grieved and supported one another...and the entire band; we even sat together as a group at the funeral in a section marked, "The MOB".
Eventually our children all graduated high school but we still continued to meet a few times a year and stayed friends.  Then 3 of our young men, all Marines, were called to serve in Iraq.  While they were receiving their final training before leaving, our "leader", a wonderful, caring, precious lady passed away.  She suffered from MS, having spent years in a wheelchair but died from an aneurysm.  (Her husband had passed away a number of years ago.)  She was kept on life-support until her Marine son could return home to say his final goodbye.
Thanking our Lord, all 3 of "our" Marines returned home safely.  But a few months later tragedy struck again.  Upon their return my DH (a Vietnam vet) visited with them and after his visit with one of the young men he "had a feeling" something about this Marine wasn't exactly right.  Well...he was right.  This young Marine was suffering from PTS-post traumatic stress syndrome.  A long, long story here that I won't and can't go into entirely.  He was under the care of a VA doctor but was not taking his medication correctly.  Three days before "the incident" his mother tried to get in touch with his doctor to express her concern; either the message for the doctor was lost or never delivered but on the 3rd day after that phone call this mother "lost" her son.  He murdered two people.  After the shots were fired he stayed with them rendering 1st Aid and called 9-1-1; waiting with the victims until the ambulance and police arrived.  During his trial there was a lot of "confidential" information between him and his VA doctor that was not allowed.  In other words, his defense was PTS but his attorney was not allowed to present the evidence supporting this diagnosis.  The young man was very, very sick.  He thought he was back in Iraq, under attack when he fired his weapon.  Sad, sad situation, not only for the victims and their family but for the Marine and his family...and friends.  Talk about being "torn"; I had a very, very difficult time with this but the ministers of our church helped us all tremendously.  He was sentenced to death and is now in prison waiting the results of his appeal.
Now...while this was going on, my son-in-law, age 28, had been hospitalized off and on for a little over a year.  Ten days after the shooting, HE passed away.  My precious baby girl was a widow and alone at age 26.  
Fast forward a year...and a week; the son-in-law of my cousin (also a young man in his late 20's) was killed in a work related accident.  He and his wife were the parents of a 3 year old little girl.  Another young widow in our family.  We just (yesterday) observed the first anniversay of that death.
As I type this I'm thinking..."your fellow Disboarders are going to think you're making this all up".  The sad, sad fact is ...I'm not.  The past few years of our life have been pure hell.  We could not have made it through without the support of our family/friends and our 2 adorable granddaughters.  And for me...Disboards!  That may sound shallow but, Disboards is my "escape".  I spend time here every day/night...sometime for 10 minutes; sometime for 2 hours.  I have to think of nothing sad (except the fact that a trip to Disney for this year isn't going to happen!  Damn economy!!!); I can help "1st timers", answering their questions and giving (for what it's worth!) advice; I get to enjoy beautiful pictures, not only from DW but from across our beautiful nation; I received advice from other Disboarders on how to "handle" the first wedding anniversary with DD after SIL passed away; I was able to tell others of a special "Magical Moment" when DD went back to DW with us for the first time after her husbands death-they had honeymooned there and our arrival date for the trip last year fell on their anniversary date-I told the CM as we checked in the "meaning" of the date and, bless her precious heart, she sent cupcakes to our room with a wish for a "Magical Stay";I get to play silly games (driving some Disboarders crazy! ); I get to dream of our next trip.
Your life will never be the same; I often long for "the good old days" when our family/friends saw good times.  But, something I've said probably a thousand times, "God never gives you more than you can handle".  Remember that always.


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## mommasita

TeresaNJ said:


> Regarding the above, I did the same.  Oh my goodness pfishgirl, I am so very sorry.  Here I've been feeling sorry for myself because my husband told me two weeks ago that he doesn't "feel it" for me anymore, and that he wants out.  I never saw it coming, and I and my three adult children are devastated and shocked.  I came to this board for support, but after reading some of these threads, I am ashamed for how sorry I was feeling for myself.  You have my deepest sympathy.  I will keep you in my prayers.:hug:



Teresa, don't feel ashamed. We all are dealing with what life handed us. Please feel free if you would like to start a thread. The power of prayer, and caring here, is absolutely amazing. It was what helped me so much. 


goopysolelady said:


> Let me briefly tell my story:
> During the years my youngest daughter was in high school band, a group of mothers formed a "club"...The MOB (Mothers of Band).  Our lives then centered around our children and their band activities.  We'd meet once or twice a month at our "leader's" home; have dinner, a few drinks and talk...and TALK.
> Ten years ago one of our "sons" lost his life in an auto accident...the evening we were all on our way to the monthly Band Booster meeting.  We all grieved and supported one another...and the entire band; we even sat together as a group at the funeral in a section marked, "The MOB".
> Eventually our children all graduated high school but we still continued to meet a few times a year and stayed friends.  Then 3 of our young men, all Marines, were called to serve in Iraq.  While they were receiving their final training before leaving, our "leader", a wonderful, caring, precious lady passed away.  She suffered from MS, having spent years in a wheelchair but died from an aneurysm.  (Her husband had passed away a number of years ago.)  She was kept on life-support until her Marine son could return home to say his final goodbye.
> Thanking our Lord, all 3 of "our" Marines returned home safely.  But a few months later tragedy struck again.  Upon their return my DH (a Vietnam vet) visited with them and after his visit with one of the young men he "had a feeling" something about this Marine wasn't exactly right.  Well...he was right.  This young Marine was suffering from PTS-post traumatic stress syndrome.  A long, long story here that I won't and can't go into entirely.  He was under the care of a VA doctor but was not taking his medication correctly.  Three days before "the incident" his mother tried to get in touch with his doctor to express her concern; either the message for the doctor was lost or never delivered but on the 3rd day after that phone call this mother "lost" her son.  He murdered two people.  After the shots were fired he stayed with them rendering 1st Aid and called 9-1-1; waiting with the victims until the ambulance and police arrived.  During his trial there was a lot of "confidential" information between him and his VA doctor that was not allowed.  In other words, his defense was PTS but his attorney was not allowed to present the evidence supporting this diagnosis.  The young man was very, very sick.  He thought he was back in Iraq, under attack when he fired his weapon.  Sad, sad situation, not only for the victims and their family but for the Marine and his family...and friends.  Talk about being "torn"; I had a very, very difficult time with this but the ministers of our church helped us all tremendously.  He was sentenced to death and is now in prison waiting the results of his appeal.
> Now...while this was going on, my son-in-law, age 28, had been hospitalized off and on for a little over a year.  Ten days after the shooting, HE passed away.  My precious baby girl was a widow and alone at age 26.
> Fast forward a year...and a week; the son-in-law of my cousin (also a young man in his late 20's) was killed in a work related accident.  He and his wife were the parents of a 3 year old little girl.  Another young widow in our family.  We just (yesterday) observed the first anniversay of that death.
> As I type this I'm thinking..."your fellow Disboarders are going to think you're making this all up".  The sad, sad fact is ...I'm not.  The past few years of our life have been pure hell.  We could not have made it through without the support of our family/friends and our 2 adorable granddaughters.  And for me...Disboards!  That may sound shallow but, Disboards is my "escape".  I spend time here every day/night...sometime for 10 minutes; sometime for 2 hours.  I have to think of nothing sad (except the fact that a trip to Disney for this year isn't going to happen!  Damn economy!!!); I can help "1st timers", answering their questions and giving (for what it's worth!) advice; I get to enjoy beautiful pictures, not only from DW but from across our beautiful nation; I received advice from other Disboarders on how to "handle" the first wedding anniversary with DD after SIL passed away; I was able to tell others of a special "Magical Moment" when DD went back to DW with us for the first time after her husbands death-they had honeymooned there and our arrival date for the trip last year fell on their anniversary date-I told the CM as we checked in the "meaning" of the date and, bless her precious heart, she sent cupcakes to our room with a wish for a "Magical Stay";I get to play silly games (driving some Disboarders crazy! ); I get to dream of our next trip.
> Your life will never be the same; I often long for "the good old days" when our family/friends saw good times.  But, something I've said probably a thousand times, "God never gives you more than you can handle".  Remember that always.




This is such a totally tragic story, from beginning to end. God bless each and every one of you.


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## sjs314

I am sorry for your loss. I started reading this thread then noticed the date of your original post 7-17-09.

I lost my son on 7-15-09. He was 29 and I still cry almost everyday, losing a child is the hardest thing in the world. I still have some bad days, yesterday was one of those, since it was the anniversary of the last trip we took to WDW as a family. DH, myself, my DS and his wife on 3-24-09 to 3-31-09. I said a bad day, it will be a bad week, just as last year was, the memories come flooding back and then the tears.

DH and I have a trip planned for this October to go to WDW, the first one since losing our DS .It will be hard at times, I know this because of all the memories from going to WDW as a family but it is just something we have to do. I feel my DS  would have wanted us to go back since it was his favorite place in the world.

I wonder how you are copeing, almost 2 years after? I have come to realize the pain will be with me forever and there is nothing I can do other than to reach out to others who understand the sorrow of the loss of a child


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## goopysolelady

mommasita said:


> Teresa, don't feel ashamed. We all are dealing with what life handed us. Please feel free if you would like to start a thread. The power of prayer, and caring here, is absolutely amazing. It was what helped me so much.
> 
> 
> 
> This is such a totally tragic story, from beginning to end. God bless each and every one of you.



Thank you.  We've learned to "roll with the punches"; at times just being "numb" is all we can do.  But then those DGD's come in the back door and yell, "Mimi!!!!!!!!" and no matter what my mood is, it turns to joy just looking at those smiling faces.  When they're older I'll be able to tell them how much they helped ALL of us "live" again after the death of their uncle.

I signed in this morning to add one more thing about "our Marine".  His actions were a shock to our entire small community.  Many people, upon learning about that tragedy expressed their feelings in one word, "What???".  If I were to have picked one person, among the probably 200+ young people I worked with during those years, he would have been in the "bottom 3" to have done such a horrible thing.  He was/is a very caring, loving, God loving young man who, for a brief time, snapped.  Those who were called to testify at his trial included my daughter, husband (who is an elected county official), high school teachers, high school principal, his 4-H leaders and both ministers from our church.  They all did so willingly with many of them asking to testify to show their support.  "War is hell"; while necessary at times, that statement is so true.  My hope is for those of you reading this to reach out to veterans; love them, pray for them and let them know they have your support.  It's been 18 months since I've seen him but we write each other regularly.  He's doing well and is eager to hear about "life on the outside".  He and my daughter supported one another via mail and visits and continue to do so.  They were good friends in high school and remain so and his mother and I meet often for lunch and support.  Friends...thank God!


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## Jessica527

We are here morning, noon, and night for support. This brought me to tears thinking about my mothers sudden passing as well when I was 11. I am not 21 and still think about it everyday. I learned that you need to celebrate their life. My wedding is coming up and we are going to just that, celebrate


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## Disney-Chick

I have been reading and cannot ever imagine the pain that everyone feels as I have not lost a loved one so quickly or so young. But my heart goes out to each and everyone of you. 

The reason I am writing now is to bring everyone's attention to bullying. This past week 2 young kids who did not know of each other took their lives. One was a beautiful young girl at the age of 14 the other is of a 16 year old boy who hung himself. There are going to be 2 seperate funerals this coming Saturday for them both. I cried for them both even though I do not know either of them. I have a daughter who is going to be 14 next month and was bullied 2 years ago and I am so happy that she was able to tell me. After going to the school they could not do anything besides talk to the bullies. As a mother this was very frustrating. As I was bullied and beat up by 4 girls in grade 7 and then almost losing my cousin to a bully this hit home. 

I am reaching out to you all that if you see/hear or know of bullying that you do not turn a blind eye. Children need our help and they are to young to know where to go for this. 

As I write this I cry for the children that feel there is no way out and ending their lives is the only way to be free of this grief they are feeling. 

My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a loved one by bullying, murder or accidental death. Life will go on and even though memories are all you may have, hold that close to your heart and charish all the times you spent with that special someone. 

 Shawna


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## mommasita

to everyone hurting.


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## DisneyFairytale

Obadiah Stane said:


> I simply can't imagine what it would be like to lose my son.  He is 10 and is my entire world.  Many can't understand how it is we have such a close relationship and the story behind it is actually long and painful to tell.  Suffice to say that at times something incredibly good can come from something incredibly bad.
> 
> I know you miss your son, but if you believe in God know that he is in a better place and is looking down and watching over you every moment of your life.  I am sure he would want you to move on with your life as hard as that is. Try to live your life and honor his memory in the things you do every day.  I'm sure he would like that.
> 
> Take care.
> 
> God bless.



God Bless all of you. My dad just passed away from Cancer 3 months ago, and my mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor as well just 2 years earlier. She is doing well, but it really stirs up a lot of emotions to see how many caring people, are also going through the same thing.

So much love to you all. I am so thankful that we live in a day and age where distance is no problem to share love and compassion. 

Love you all-god bless.


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## GENE AUTRY KING

I understand how you feel. I lost my daughter when she was only 14 and the pain seemed unbearable. She was every Dad's Dtr. It was so bad that I would pull off on the side of the road on my way to work and cry. For five years I visited her grave site every day and said a prayer. I  am now starting to  realize that she's O.K. and in a better place. When my time comes, She will be the first one to greet me. I pray that in time you will feel the same about your son. You will never be over the pain but be grateful you had him as long as you did and one day you will be to- gether.


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## HeatherBrooke

I too understand your loss. We lost our 25 month old son March 23, 2010. He was perfectly healthy and perfect in every way. I had gone in to his room during the night b/c he was crying and when my husband came in to tell us bye, Brandon was already gone. He had been gone a while. The autopsy said bronchitis but our ped. doesn't believe that is what happened. He thinks there was an electrical issue with his heart, something that couldn't have been predicted or prevented. I know how hard this is and I just try to remember that he is with Jesus and that we will see him again. I also believe God spared us a more horrific scenario because he looked peaceful and I never heard anything. I will pray for you and please hold on and know that you can see him again.


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## sunshineNJ

I am so very sorry for your terrible loss.  I hope you will join support groups and find some comfort in them.  I hope you will find the strength.


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## alebisi

Hi Stacy, I'm so sorry for your loss. I really don't know how I came across this thread but I'm glad I ended up here. Hope things are getting better. YOU DESERVE THE BEST FROM LIFE. Try doing things your son would love to do, that should keep his memory at best. I KNOW he's watching you up from heaven and smiling. Sending you lots of positive thoughts  and  hugs.


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## shoes99

Thinking of my nephew Damien and my niece Stacy on this day.  Hugs to all the families who have lost a son or daughter.  Damien we miss you.
Aunt Michele


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## MEK

I hope you are doing as well as you can be.  Thinking about you on the anniversary of the loss of your son!


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## weswife

I came upon this site tonight. I read each post and now have tears rolling down my cheecks. I do not have any advice or wisdom to share. I just wanted to say my heart breaks for you and tonight I will say a prayer.

Last May the specialist told us our DD was coming to the end of her life. To make a long story short he "jumped the gun" so to speak and thought her brain was getting worse. After 2 weeks of testing we received the news it was not that at all. This all took place during Mothers day last year. The worst Mothers day ever.


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## pfishgirl

weswife said:


> I came upon this site tonight. I read each post and now have tears rolling down my cheecks. I do not have any advice or wisdom to share. I just wanted to say my heart breaks for you and tonight I will say a prayer.
> 
> Last May the specialist told us our DD was coming to the end of her life. To make a long story short he "jumped the gun" so to speak and thought her brain was getting worse. After 2 weeks of testing we received the news it was not that at all. This all took place during Mothers day last year. The worst Mothers day ever.



Its been a Very Long time since I have been back on these boards. I was almost afraid to look.  I hope your DD is doing well and such a horrible thing to have to go through with a misdiagnosis like that


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## pfishgirl

MEK said:


> I hope you are doing as well as you can be.  Thinking about you on the anniversary of the loss of your son!



Thank You so much.. I apologize, I had left Dis behind for a long time so I never saw this til Today..  Im not even sure what made me look it up either..


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## pfishgirl

shoes99 said:


> Thinking of my nephew Damien and my niece Stacy on this day.  Hugs to all the families who have lost a son or daughter.  Damien we miss you.
> Aunt Michele



   Thank You Aunt Michele


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## pfishgirl

alebisi said:


> Hi Stacy, I'm so sorry for your loss. I really don't know how I came across this thread but I'm glad I ended up here. Hope things are getting better. YOU DESERVE THE BEST FROM LIFE. Try doing things your son would love to do, that should keep his memory at best. I KNOW he's watching you up from heaven and smiling. Sending you lots of positive thoughts  and  hugs.



  Thank You..  it has been a LONG 5 years 7 months for sure But YES I am happy to say my life has some order and Im doing well.


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## pfishgirl

GENE AUTRY KING said:


> I understand how you feel. I lost my daughter when she was only 14 and the pain seemed unbearable. She was every Dad's Dtr. It was so bad that I would pull off on the side of the road on my way to work and cry. For five years I visited her grave site every day and said a prayer. I  am now starting to  realize that she's O.K. and in a better place. When my time comes, She will be the first one to greet me. I pray that in time you will feel the same about your son. You will never be over the pain but be grateful you had him as long as you did and one day you will be to- gether.



  thank you.. again I apologize, I have not been on Dis in a long time so Im just seeing this now.  I am so sorry for your Loss. It wont ever go away we just learn how to live through it and when it's our time I agree they will be waiting for us with opened arms


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## dvc at last !

Good thoughts and prayers.


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## pfishgirl

dvc at last ! said:


> Good thoughts and prayers.



Thank You


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## Halloweenqueen

So happy to hear you are doing better.  Did you finish school?


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