# Lost my daughter to suicide



## mommasita

my daughter chose to end her life by hanging in our home, my husband and son (21) found her. She was my baby, and only 18. It's only been one month

her ex bf had done the same two weeks earlier , and his sister blamed her, as she had a new bf.

We are really broken and trying to survive . Last year I lost both my mom and stepdad in 5 days, but this is something no parent should face.  I wish for nobody to have this pain.
Please keep us in whatever you do, thoughts and/or prayers


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## bbak30

I am so very sorry. Lots of hugs and prayers...


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## low-key

Oh no, i cant even imagine, i dont even know what to say but I wish this never happen


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## 22Tink

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers to you and your family.


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## Dan Murphy

My sincere condolences, mommasita. 's 

There are no words that make sense at a time like this, never.  Prayers are with you and your family, along with her friends.  God speed for your daughter. 's


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## macraven

_Prayers and hugs for you and your family 

It is a devastating loss to go through 

I'm so sorry you have gone through this_


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## Dumbo777

mommasita said:


> my daughter chose to end her life by hanging in our home, my husband and son (21) found her. She was my baby, and only 18. It's only been one month
> 
> her ex bf had done the same two weeks earlier , and his sister blamed her, as she had a new bf.
> 
> We are really broken and trying to survive . Last year I lost both my mom and stepdad in 5 days, but this is something no parent should face.  I wish for nobody to have this pain.
> Please keep us in whatever you do, thoughts and/or prayers


Many prayers going your way.


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## marthachick

I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers for your family.


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## Soldier's*Sweeties

Oh my goodness. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. 

I’m sending you all of my virtual support and prayers for peace.


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## Shellsbutt

I am so sorry Mommasita. I will keep your family in my prayers.


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## AnnaFloridaLover

Mommasita I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter.  I wish you and your family all the best in your healing.  Sending you hugs.


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## CdnCarrie

I am very sorry for your loss. No one should have to lose a child.


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## mamamary




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## Skellingtonj

Jesus.   I’m so sorry I can’t even imagine.   Prayers to you and your family


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## mom2rtk

My heart goes out to you and your family.


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## Minnesota!

No words can convey how truly tragic this is.  I am so sorry, and I am sending you all the light and love that I can.


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## cinnaminny

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## Lori74

I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you for your healing and strength.


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## punkin

My deepest condolences to you and your family.


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## BrianL

My deepest condolences to you and your family. Your DIS friends are all thinking of you.


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## kimblebee

I’m so sorry for your loss. Good thoughts are being sent your way.


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## Wubar

Sending hugs and hope and kindness your way. Deepest sympathies and condolences for your loss.


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## DISNEYSQUIRRELS

I am so very sorry for your losses. I hope each day brings a precious memory that can make you smile.


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## Jennasis

I am so sorry for your heartbreaking loss.


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## J'aime Paris

There are no words to ease your heartache.....my prayers to you and your family.


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## marcyleecorgan

My goodness... there really are no words.  

*Big Internet Hug*


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## cabanafrau

I am so very sorry for your loss.


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## lynxstch

So very sorry for your loss. That is a horrible thing to have to go through. May God Bless you and your family during the difficult days ahead.


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## lifesavacation

I am so very sorry.


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## schumigirl

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## wickey's friend

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## IAHFTPT

Very sorry for your loss.  I can't even imagine.


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## Bianca and Bernard

mommasita said:


> my daughter chose to end her life by hanging in our home, my husband and son (21) found her. She was my baby, and only 18. It's only been one month
> 
> her ex bf had done the same two weeks earlier , and his sister blamed her, as she had a new bf.
> 
> We are really broken and trying to survive . Last year I lost both my mom and stepdad in 5 days, but this is something no parent should face.  I wish for nobody to have this pain.
> Please keep us in whatever you do, thoughts and/or prayers



I'm so sorry.


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## Heidict

So sorry to hear about your daughter.  My heart breaks for you and your family.  Many prayers and hugs.


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## Liberty Belle

I'm so sorry.


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## focusondisney

My deepest sympathy for your loss.  My prayers for your family to find peace & strength as you go thru these difficult days.


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## moniqueand2

My condolences to you and your family. This is a heartbreaking loss.


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## robinb

As the mother of an 18-year old DD I am typing this through tears.   I am so very sorry to hear about your daughter and her ex-boyfriend.  What a horrible tragedy.  You and your family are in my thoughts {{hugs}}.


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## charming23

I am so sorry.


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## gemini2727

I wish there was something to say to ease your pain, my heart breaks for you.
You'll be in my prayers Mommasita.


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## Marchand63

I know words sound hollow  - so sorry - you & your family will be in our thoughts & prayers.


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## smokeyblue

I'm so very sorry for your heartbreaking loss.  I pray that your heart will begin to heal, that you find comfort in your family and friends and that everyone that knew your daughter continues to cherish her memory so she can live on in your heart and mind.


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## leebee

Oh mommasita, my heart breaks for you. I just cannot imagine... Know that all of us here on the DIS send our love and support to you and yours through this horrible, tragic time.


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## Mirielle

My heart goes out to you, Mommasita. Being a mere mortal, the only thing I can offer you is prayer, and that I will.


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## nj disney family




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## Realfoodfans

Please receive our thoughts and prayers.  I cannot imagine your family's pain.  I hope you have support around you so that you are able to grieve together.


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## Simba's Mom

I'm so sorry for you.   If and when you want to talk to others in a similar situation, I highly recommend Compassionate Friends, if there's a group in your area.  They really helped me when my son died.  I'll be thinking of you on this most painful journey.


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## Twilight Sparkle

I am so sorry.  I lost my brother to suicide.  It is the most difficult thing I've ever endured.  It's also a very lonely pain to work through.  If you need to talk, feel free to PM me.  Definitely keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.


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## TipsyTraveler

Absolutely tragic.  I'm so sorry.  Do what you can to hang in there; there are brighter days ahead.


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## Wishing on a star

My heart just hurts for you and everyone involved.
I am so, SO, very sorry.


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## wishicouldgomoreofte

I am so very sorry.  I have no words to ease the pain.  I pray for you.
God be with you and your family.


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## Nancyg56

I have no words to express how deeply sorry I am for your devastating loss. Your family is held close in my heart and in my prayers.


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## NFLDERS

My heart aches for you, and your family.


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## powellrj




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## antmaril

I am so very sorry for your loss.


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## Meriweather

I'm so very sorry....can't even imagine the loss of a child. Heartbreaking.
Best wishes to you and your family


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## Disneylover99

I am so very, very sorry.


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## MommyinHonduras

My heart is breaking for you, sending hugs for you all.


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## luvmarypoppins

mommasita- I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words. I send you my prayers for you and your family for God's peace and comfort in the days ahead.


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## anniemae

I am so sorry.  I wish peace for you and your family.


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## Owlpost23

So very sorry for your loss.My sister committed suicide many years ago.There are no words....


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## Micca

I am so sorry.


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## pigletliz

So very sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. Prayers for you and your family.


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## NYCgrrl

Soft hugs.


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## rickybobby

Though I have not personally experienced it, losing a child has to just rip out your heart.  Please accept my condolences.


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## klmall

Though I do not know you Mommasita I am very sorry for what happened. May you find a path through your grief knowing that we here at the DIS will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.


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## Someluck

I am so sorry for your loss. May you and your family find comfort in one another and the prayers being sent your way.


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## AprilDreamsOfDisney

mommasita said:


> my daughter chose to end her life by hanging in our home, my husband and son (21) found her. She was my baby, and only 18. It's only been one month
> 
> her ex bf had done the same two weeks earlier , and his sister blamed her, as she had a new bf.
> 
> We are really broken and trying to survive . Last year I lost both my mom and stepdad in 5 days, but this is something no parent should face.  I wish for nobody to have this pain.
> Please keep us in whatever you do, thoughts and/or prayers


I'm so so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine. You will come out the other side of grief eventually, not that you'll live without the pain, but you'll just live with it. I'm so sorry.


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## Grumpy's Gal

So very sorry for your loss.


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## IMissEd

I'm so sorry. I hope and pray you have comfort as you and your family tries to make sense of all of this.


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## BCDisneyFanatic

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## AnnaS

Oh mommasita, I am so so sorry to read this........my heart is breaking for you.  You and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers  I am hugging you!


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## yoopermom

As one mother to another, please know that my heart is breaking for you.

All of my thoughts and prayers are with you....

Terri


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## Mopedmom1

mommasita I extend to you and your family my deepest sympathy.  I will uphold you in my thoughts and prayers as you journey through this difficult time of loss.


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## Disney  Doll

I am so very sorry


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## Feralpeg

My heart breaks for you.   So sorry for your loss.


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## pigletto

I am so sorry for this horrible pain you are experiencing. Sending love and strength.


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## The Mystery Machine

I am sending you hugs from afar. I am so sorry for your loss.


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## okeydokey

I am so deeply sorry for your family.  Will pray for you all.


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## ForMyBoys

I’m so sorry.  I lost my dad to suicide.   I can’t even imagine losing a child. I don’t even know you and have this huge knot in my stomach right now.  I pray you are able to heal.  

I applaud you discussing it openly, your words could save someone else.


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## BlueStarryHat

I am so sorry-I will pray for you and your loved ones. As a suicide survivor, both myself and three friends of mine, I feel so deeply for you at this time.


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## maxaroni

I am so so very sorry to hear this.  I can’t even imagine.  Has to be a parents worst nightmare.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.  (((HUGS)))


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## Teresa Pitman

I am so sorry.


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## mom2travel

so so sorry. my heart hurts for you.  praying for peace for you and your family


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## flyingdumbo127

So very many prayers and love


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## Happiest.Haunt_999

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.


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## usnuzuloose

I will be praying for you


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## Planogirl

I'm so very sorry. I can't imagine what a nightmare this is for your family.


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## heatherwith3

I’m so sorry for your loss. I will say a prayer for your family.


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## Ciao Mickey

I am so very sorry.


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## Sabeking

Mommasita....I am praying for you and your family. Through the years on the Dis I have always been impresssed with your words of comfort and compassion for others when they have experienced tough times. I only hope we can be the same comfort to you.  My dd lost two very close friends to suicide in the same month two years ago. The grief is deep  for both sets of parents. Two years out I have seen a rollercoaster ride for them emotionally but they are beginning to get their life on a more steady track. I pray good supportive friends, family and faith community to wrap their arms around you. If you pray and want specific prayer for your family please pm me and let me know.


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## Pea-n-Me

I am very saddened to hear this, mommasita, and have said prayers for your family. You have been such a good friend to so many here, and have been through so much yourself already. One of my closest friends who lost her son spent a lot of time with other families who had been through similar circumstances, and that's how she got through it. I saw her last weekend and she was in a better place than she had been. I hope you can find other people to connect with when the time is right - they will help pull you through, too. Lots of hugs, and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


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## mommasita

I wanted to take a moment and thank everyone. It is very kind of each and every one of you.

To those who have been through similar, I am so very sorry.

I am very glad to read others have pulled through. Our counsellor has recommended compassionate friends, I just haven't called yet. Perhaps soon. For now it is surviving, just day to day. 

We are blessed with amazing, kind friends and family who literally did everything , because I can't recall the first few days, but they fed us, slept here(probably on watch). My best friend is almost always here, I am not sure I could have made it without her to be honest. I need to get stronger for my son now.

Once again, thank you.


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## Pooh2

May the love of your family and friends get you through the difficult time ahead and bring some peace to your family this season.


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## ronandannette

Grace and peace to you and your family - you have my deepest sympathy for your unthinkable loss in such a tragic way. 

Through unfortunate circumstances I have become closely acquainted with a shockingly high number of mothers who have lost their precious children. It is far more common than I ever could have imagined. If you have access to a program called "Grief-Share" I would highly recommend it, when you feel ready. All of my friends have found it to be a very vital and meaningful resource as they navigate their journey.


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## katie111

I am so, so sorry.  My DD15 attempted suicide 5 months ago.  Thankfully she did not succeed but she did have life threatening injuries and she will have scars and lingering injuries for years to come.  Now we are just working to help her want to stay alive.  The pain we felt was unbearable, I can't even imagine what you are going through.  Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and am so glad you have friends and family helping you out, it was the only thing that got us through our ordeal.


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## OhMari

Hugs and prayers.


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## j's m

I am so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.


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## dish rag

I'm very sorry for your loss.


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## gillep

You have my deepest sympathy for your unimaginable loss, my thoughts are with your family.


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## StitchesGr8Fan

Sending prayers to you and your family.


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## CogsworthTN

Praying for you and your family.


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## WDW Traveler

So very sorry for your loss.  You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers at this most difficult time.


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## loves to dive

My thoughts go out to you and your family.


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## minniecarousel

Oh Mommasita, my heart aches for you & your family. You have my deepest sympathy.


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## ibelieveinmagic

oh, sweetheart, so very, very sorry,... no words


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## FayeW

I am so very sorry for your loss.


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## mrs moon

im so,so sorry


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## arminnie

One of the most painful things ever.  Nothing can really help.


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## Christine

I'm so sorry to hear this.  I haven't been on this board for about a week so I was shocked to read this.  I just cannot imagine what you must be going through.


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## lisaviolet

I can't imagine what you are going through, how your heart must ache for her every minute mommasita. Absolutely unthinkable.

I am so very sorry. I thank God that you have a myriad of loved ones surrounding you. Love sent to you and your entire family. And every person that your daughter has touched and that are missing her so intensely.

Lisa


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## lisaviolet

Mommasita,

You have been in my thoughts since I found your post, and will continue to be so. Please know that many of us remain heartbroken for everything that you are facing.  You have done so much for many of us on this board. This week through tears thinking of you I thought you must be finding out how many lives your daughter has touched, those stories beyond your knowledge.

Obviously, because she is your daughter. 

Love sent mommasita,

Lisa


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## Shanti

I am so very sorry. May God bless her, you, and your family.


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## sunb75

I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you are feeling.


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## mommasita

Yesterday we lost my gem of a father in law. I am thankful he didn't realize my daughter went before him. He had Alzheimer's, and it's been a long road for him.

He passed 7 weeks to the day , and Sunday we have another funeral. It will be the exact room, same funeral parlour.   My grief is is just in overload right now. Thank you everyone .


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## 22Tink

Oh my goodness, so much loss and grief in such a short time. I'm so very sorry and am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Twilight Sparkle

gentle


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## macraven

_So much you and your family are going through in such a short time period 
You and your family are in my prayers and thoughts
_


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## Dan Murphy

My condolences once more, Mommasita. So sorry to hear this news. You all are in my prayers, God speed for your father-in-law.


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## mom2rtk

Oh my goodness. Please stay strong and take care of yourself. I'm so sorry for this additional loss.


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## lisaviolet

mommasita. 

I am very sorry.


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## mommasita

Thanks everyone. Today is the day, and I’m just not coping well. I can’t stop thinking my daughter should be here mourning her Nonno . Nothing is right here, nothing will ever be.


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## mom2rtk

I'm sending extra thoughts and prayers to you on this very difficult day.


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## macraven

_I know you are hurting_

_All the posters here wish you peace 

Sending you love and prayers 


Some days will be harder than others and hope the times it is hard to cope,will become fewer_


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## lanejudy

You have been through so much more than anyone should ever have to bear in such a short time!  My heart breaks for you.  I am continuing to keep you and your family in my prayers.


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## lisaviolet

mommasita, you are in my thoughts.


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## Domo

mommasita said:


> my daughter chose to end her life by hanging in our home, my husband and son (21) found her. She was my baby, and only 18. It's only been one month
> 
> her ex bf had done the same two weeks earlier , and his sister blamed her, as she had a new bf.
> 
> We are really broken and trying to survive . Last year I lost both my mom and stepdad in 5 days, but this is something no parent should face.  I wish for nobody to have this pain.
> Please keep us in whatever you do, thoughts and/or prayers



Oh my God, I am so sorry... I can't even begin to imagine...


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## AdamEfimoff

I felt sick reading this. I am so sorry to hear this at this time of year.
If you are having thoughts of harm please call this number https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org


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## knkmom

I am so sorry. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.


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## lisaviolet

Thinking of you all the time mommasita. Can hardly type to you without tears. Love sent to you all.


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## kirstenb1

I'm so sorry for an unimaginable loss.  I'll pray for you and your family.


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## bluejasmine

I lost a son to an over dose Sept 30 2016, its not exactly the same thing but I always wonder if he did it purposely bc he was a very unhappy person from a very young age. I know as a parent its hard not to question yourself and everything that you did, but remember that you cannot control anyone and even if you could have done something to stop her, there is a big chance she may have tried again, I had a friend whose son tried multiple times before succeeding and his mother prevented several of those time.

I hope your finding some peace, no youll never be the same, I am not, I never will be but youll heal some enough to not think about it every hour on the hour.

Your welcome to message me anytime, I wont have any answers for you but I do know what your going through.

My mother is actually in hospice right now, so Im going to loose my mother soon too..

Sending hugs, pixie dust and prayers


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## wendow

So very sorry @mommasita.


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## JuneChickie

I can't even imagine the loss  
Sending prayers to you and your family with my heartfelt condolences .


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## mommasita

Thank you to everyone.  I lost my father March 3. I spoke to him the night before, and he was coming over. Super healthy man, literally dropped dead. He hasn’t slept well since, and I think he worried for me, and thought he may lose me.

So, my Briana would be turning 19 on April 19th.  I have booked a trip with my husband to Punta Cana. I won’t forget this day, any day, but I can not be in this house all day alone. I can not face it. I am running away 

My son is doing ok, he is working, doesn’t want to talk about it, that worries me more, but we all deal in our own way I’m told. My husband doesn’t want to either, at least not with me. It’s trying times, and our household is broken. 

I have great friends, but there is always an elephant in the room, so social settings are off the table for me.


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## macraven




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## AnnaFloridaLover

mommasita said:


> Thank you to everyone.  I lost my father March 3. I spoke to him the night before, and he was coming over. Super healthy man, literally dropped dead. He hasn’t slept well since, and I think he worried for me, and thought he may lose me.
> 
> So, my Briana would be turning 19 on April 19th.  I have booked a trip with my husband to Punta Cana. I won’t forget this day, any day, but I can not be in this house all day alone. I can not face it. I am running away
> 
> My son is doing ok, he is working, doesn’t want to talk about it, that worries me more, but we all deal in our own way I’m told. My husband doesn’t want to either, at least not with me. It’s trying times, and our household is broken.
> 
> I have great friends, but there is always an elephant in the room, so social settings are off the table for me.



I'm so sorry.  I hope somehow you and your family can find peace.  Grief has it's own timeline.  Hugs.


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## cabanafrau

I pray for peaceful hearts for all of you.


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## marcyleecorgan

*many hugs*  Our family lost its youngest adult to suicide a few years ago.  You are not alone in this pain.  *have a Duffy Bear to cry on*


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## ziravan

*I Cry*

I cry
And the sky shows its blue sympathy
Or clouds the stars from her eyes
To cry with me

I shudder
And the world remains firm
A hope against my soul-ripped heart
My strength when I have none

I cannot
The day has no meaning
But the sun still rises
Even as darkness falls around me

I rage
And the world responds with beauty
Unfair to whisper grace
When grace I cannot feel

I scream
And the heavens absorb my cry
And yet still responds with stars
Even though my star is gone

I fall
And cannot think discreetly
The earth spins undetected
And so do I 

I cringe
At casual conversation
How can time move on
No, I am not OK

I plead
For hope I cannot feel
Grace I do not know
They are strangers to me

I know
That life is unsecure
And breath is as impermanent
As souls are forever

I live
In uncontented days
Along uncommitted paths
In a world that no longer makes sense

I sigh
And the world doesn't sigh with me
And time moves ahead
And leaves me behind

I yearn 
For portals between worlds
For reaffirmation
For a drop of yesterday

I want
The links to grow unended
My path to not be parted
My heart to not be still

I am
A link without the linkage
A bond without the bonding
A soul without its quilting

I go
Forward day by day
Holding invisible hands
That pray with me for continuity

I hope
That hope someday will find me
And show me paths to meet me
With hands that hold mine still

I grow 
Not apart but abreadth
Not alone but amidst
Interconnected by faith

I see
That time is so uncertain
That here is not not there
And forever is true regardless

Copyright 2002 Timothy Delasandro


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## AnnaS




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## Liberty Belle

Thinking of you!


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## tinkerdorabelle

mommasita said:


> my daughter chose to end her life by hanging in our home, my husband and son (21) found her. She was my baby, and only 18. It's only been one month
> 
> her ex bf had done the same two weeks earlier , and his sister blamed her, as she had a new bf.
> 
> We are really broken and trying to survive . Last year I lost both my mom and stepdad in 5 days, but this is something no parent should face.  I wish for nobody to have this pain.
> Please keep us in whatever you do, thoughts and/or prayers



So very very sorry.   I have experienced it in my world  but not a child of my own.   There are no words, I'm so sorry.   Sending prayers and healing to all.


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## jerseygal

So very very SORRY for your loss.  No parent should ever have to live through this.


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## mommasita

I don’t post often, I wanted to thank everyone who has posted, and give a little update , if there is one.

I haven’t returned to work yet, there is discussion of September, I’m under ZERO pressure, only my own. My best friend things it’s a bad move, the year anniversary is in October so I’m uncertain.

I walk a lot, I’ve gained 10 lbs back, and people seem so glad, so I guess I looked that awful. My son seems to be ok, ALWAYS such a worry.  My husband will not talk to me about it, refuses therapy of any kind, is not on the same path as me. I’m not sure what path I’m on, but I’m trying to live, to survive for my son. My husband is angry always. I can’t force a 49 year old to get help, but I wish he would.  

I think we will move within a year, we will rent out this house, and move to a different city. I hate doing groceries, seeing anyone, those looks, pity , and more . 

We did get to the Jersey shore twice this summer,  not easy, my children were brought up there each summer. 

However, I am trying hard at this. Extremely hard . ThNks again


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## Christine

mommasita said:


> I don’t post often, I wanted to thank everyone who has posted, and give a little update , if there is one.
> 
> I haven’t returned to work yet, there is discussion of September, I’m under ZERO pressure, only my own. My best friend things it’s a bad move, the year anniversary is in October so I’m uncertain.
> 
> I walk a lot, I’ve gained 10 lbs back, and people seem so glad, so I guess I looked that awful. My son seems to be ok, ALWAYS such a worry.  My husband will not talk to me about it, refuses therapy of any kind, is not on the same path as me. I’m not sure what path I’m on, but I’m trying to live, to survive for my son. My husband is angry always. I can’t force a 49 year old to get help, but I wish he would.
> 
> I think we will move within a year, we will rent out this house, and move to a different city. I hate doing groceries, seeing anyone, those looks, pity , and more .
> 
> We did get to the Jersey shore twice this summer,  not easy, my children were brought up there each summer.
> 
> However, I am trying hard at this. Extremely hard . ThNks again



Thanks for the update.  I'm sure it's all still so raw and I admire your honesty and all you are doing to get through this.  It must have been very hard to go back to the shore where you had so many happy memories with your kids and then not to have one with you.  Take care of yourself and think through the work thing.  I'm not sure how your job is, but mine is very stressful.  Returning to it after something stressful would do one or two things:  break me or really help me.  It's hard to know what that kind of stress will do for you in this situation.


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## Teresa Pitman

Thank you for taking the time to update your Disboards friends. I agree with Christine that you should think about your work options - I know for my one friend who lost her son, coming back to work helped by giving her something else to focus on and because she had supportive co-workers. But I've also known other situations where it was too stressful. 

Your husband's reluctance to talk about things or get help must be hard for you. I think that men often find it harder than women to talk about feelings (I know, I am generalizing). I think you can only focus on your own healing and let him find his own road.

Thinking of you.


----------



## brnrss34

Prayers and hugs for you and your family.


----------



## Dan Murphy

Thank you fr your update, mommasita. 's

As you said, everybody is on a different, their own paths.  We all heal and cope differently.  Something like this takes a long time, a lifetime.  My prayers remain with you, mommasita, and your family.  God bless. 's


----------



## Twilight Sparkle

It's good to hear from you.  You've been very much in my thoughts.


----------



## macraven

_I think of you often and appreciated your update

I understand it is still, and will be, a painful situation for you.

You will know when it is time to return to work or make the decision to move.
You have no need to rush on making a major decision until your heart tells you it is time.

I wish you peace and keep you in my prayers._


----------



## mommasita

My job , well...it’s incredibly  stressful, I work  for Lifeline. I have talked people out of taking their own lives, and if and when I go back, I will need to do so again.
My doctor suggested changing jobs,  but I really don’t want to. I feel like I make a difference, I’m no doctor, but in this job I knew everyday that lives were and are saved by what we do.

I was pushing myself, and as this date is approaching I do feel concerned, I was at my desk when I found out.  My doctor suggests just making an hour visit to see how that even goes.  I’ll see, I have once again torn my rotator cuff , so I want to see what may be needed there prior.

Yes, my husbands reluctance is very hard, we are so completely different, but as you mentioned, he seems to be taking to the typical manly approach, and I worry it will all explode. But right now I can only worry for my son, and make sure I take care and survive for him. This is my job right now.  My husband has so many possibilities open to him, he just has to say the word. 

Once again, thank you.


----------



## im4pacers1

Lifting you up in prayer.


----------



## WebmasterMaryJo

Continued prayers for you mommasita, and sending you a big hug.


----------



## AnnaS

You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Appreciate the update.  Hang in there.  One moment at a time


----------



## Ciao Mickey

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. 

I am so sorry for what you are going through.


----------



## mommasita

Thanks again everyone.

I haven’t returned to work, I’m aiming for January. I am awaiting on some recent MRI results from VERY bad vertigo. I have had brain surgeries, and other events gone bad roughly 9 years ago, so it may be  back, and it may be stress. The dr wants me to get those results after the holidays, because as per usual , we are taking off. FLORIDA bound we are as of Thursday. I can’t stay here, so we are going with another family. I can’t do Xmas. I’m unable.

I have a friend whose husband took his life last month, and wants to meet before I go, not a close friend, but none the less. I am worried, but maybe it’ll do us both good.

Not much has changed here, trying and trying to survive. Each breathe is different, and I can’t believe I have survived 14 months.

I wish everyone a happy holiday season.


----------



## Pea-n-Me

mommasita said:


> Thanks again everyone.
> 
> I haven’t returned to work, I’m aiming for January. I am awaiting on some recent MRI results from VERY bad vertigo. I have had brain surgeries, and other events gone bad roughly 9 years ago, so it may be  back, and it may be stress. The dr wants me to get those results after the holidays, because as per usual , we are taking off. FLORIDA bound we are as of Thursday. I can’t stay here, so we are going with another family. I can’t do Xmas. I’m unable.
> 
> I have a friend whose husband took his life last month, and wants to meet before I go, not a close friend, but none the less. I am worried, but maybe it’ll do us both good.
> 
> Not much has changed here, trying and trying to survive. Each breathe is different, and I can’t believe I have survived 14 months.
> 
> I wish everyone a happy holiday season.


Mommasita  Wishing you a nice trip to FL and keeping you in my prayers for good MRI results.

I was next to someone at a party last night who had also lost a family member to suicide. She was wearing a bracelet in his honor. My heart goes out to anyone affected by this.


----------



## AnnaS

Wishing you a nice trip and good results.  

We all grieve different - no two alike.  I hope you, your husband and son will come to discuss it.  You/they can't be afraid to discuss it.  I lost many loved ones (my parents, sister, in-laws and two brother in-laws back to back) - I know it's not the same.  My church's bereavement group helped me a lot (and going to mass 3-4 times a week became my therapy) - I definitely learned not to be afraid of the elephant in the room.........the loss that hit me the hardest - I know it's not a child - was my sister.  I bring her into a conversation as often as possible, want.  At first, I thought not talking about her was easier - but no, it was harder.

I really have no words and there are no words........my DH lost his cousin (murdered) when she was 26, two months before her wedding.  His poor aunt did not leave the house (except for the cemetery) for many years (until her other daughter got engaged/married).  No two will grieve the same.........just take one moment at at time.  The hole in your heart will never heal.  Be strong for you, your hubby and son - but it's okay to have your moments too, you will have many...........


----------



## mom2rtk

My heart goes out to you. 

Warm hugs and best wishes for health and peace.


----------



## Dan Murphy

My prayers remain with you, mommasita.  Grieve and heal in your own time, in your own way.  We are all different, every way of grieving and healing is correct. 's


----------



## marcyleecorgan

Many hugs and warm thoughts from across the Internet!


----------



## lisaviolet

mommasita.

I am relieved to find these updates as you have been and continue to be on my mind. Love sent.

I am heartbroken to hear about your husband. Mourning differently is difficult but must be agonizing when you both are in constant pain missing your daughter. 

Please know that you remain in our thoughts and prayers.

Lisa


----------



## weewuvvdisney

Mommasita,

I'm so sorry for your families loss.  I could not imagine the pain you are going through.

I wanted to post earlier but had misplaced my password.   

Everyone has their own way to work through the pain and loss.  Hopefully your trip to Florida helped to ease things a little.


----------



## mommasita

Once again, Many Thanks to all.

I have started my progressive return to work.  It’s 1/2 day per week for 2 weeks, then 2 halves for 2 weeks etc. On the 9th week, I am “ supposed” to be back at my full time status.

I did my 1/2 day last Wednesday, came home and haven’t felt that exhausted in forever, it took me days to recover, so I hope this one goes better. Mind you I work emergency response, and we had horrific weather conditions, so this didn’t help.

I’m fortunate that my work, and most especially my boss is fabulous, no pressure, and I can do my hours when I choose. That is helping a bit. Just walking in was hard, and I haven’t been to the kitchen (where I was when I got the news), but I can’t escape it forever.

Now once I finally regain what I’ve lost there, and it’s a lot believe me, I think I have the week of vacation of dec 2017 that I never took , all of last years vacation to take , and then schedule this years, so I should have some nice time off.

Just wanted to update and say another MERCI!


----------



## macraven

Thanks for letting us know how you are

I think about you a lot
Keeping you in my prayers 

It’s a slow process for healing but you will achieve your goals


----------



## lisaviolet

mommasita said:


> I’m fortunate that my work, and most especially my boss is fabulous, no pressure, and I can do my hours when I choose. That is helping a bit.



Very happy that you are blessed with a compassionate boss and workplace mommasita.


----------



## jerseygal

Good thoughts are with you!Each day a baby step forward. Wonderful that you have such a supportive network at work; that must feel good! Hope that you continue to take one day at a time in this most difficult road. Remember to take good care of yourself!


----------



## cayennews

Good luck with your return to work. I hope it gets easier over time.


----------



## Dan Murphy

That's great news, mommasita.  Slow steps, step by step, moving forward with care. 's


----------



## Alexsandra

So sorry about your daughter. What a horrible thing to go through. I'll keep you in my prayers and am happy to hear you are holding on and going forward through these difficult times. Good luck with your return to work.


----------



## java

I’m so sorry for your loss. You are a living example of one day at a time. My heart is with you.


----------



## pahoben

My deepest condolences for your loss. I am so so sorry that this happened and words cannot nearly capture my thoughts.


----------



## Gigantor7287

My condolences! Thoughts and prayers sent! I could not fathom the pain and suffering you have gone through. Hugs!


----------



## mommasita

Thank you everyone. I would not want anyone to ever feel anything close to this.

I am working full time. Life is more than difficult, but it can never be reversed. We continue we walk the path.  I live with a mask on.

My best friend, my biggest rock, lost her house in a mudslide in April, heartbreaking, and so we have tried to do anything we can for them.
My husband bought me a trip for my 50th bday, and paid for her too. We are going to Las Vegas in August. She is beyond excited. It will do us both good.

Once again, thank you.


----------



## dominiondad

Prayers


----------



## pigletliz

Still in our prayers.  Glad that you and your friend can spend some time together in Vegas.


----------



## old lady

Praying for you in your time of need.


----------



## lisaviolet

mommasita said:


> My husband bought me a trip for my 50th bday, and paid for her too. We are going to Las Vegas in August. She is beyond excited. It will do us both good.
> 
> Once again, thank you.



Hope it went well mommasita, for both of you. 

That was sweet of your husband.


----------



## weswife

hugs


----------



## I Love Pluto

Mammasita, I cannot imagine the pain you must feel!  Losing a child is a tragedy no parent wants to experience. 
Stay Strong!
Know that we’ll be remembering you and your family in our prayers.


----------



## mommasita

Tomorrow is April, I hate it. My baby should be turning 21 on the 19th, and we should all be celebrating that. We can’t get away, or run away now, so I’m not even sure how to deal with this day, maybe I’ll just stay in bed all day. I don’t know.  
I had a nightmare both my children were gone the other night, now I can’t sleep. 
My son is working still, but gave notice Friday is his last day. With the governments response, he will get 4 months salary, almost full salary,  
i have been off since December due to my shoulder again, so not sure when I’ll go back now. 
Well, sorry for the rambling, and ty to everyone.


----------



## weswife

Hello,

I wanted to reach out to you. I can not imagine how you feel, this would be so very f=difficult. No parent wants to out live their child... my heart breaks for you. Please remember this is a place you can get support and we are all here to wrap our arms around you <3 I am thinking of you .. stay strong and stay healthy during this virus


----------



## WeatherLights

One minute, one hour, one day at a time.  Lots of hugs to you.


----------



## a1tinkfans

words are inadequate, but I’m so truly sorry for your devastation and great loss. 
 I am praying for you to have strength , just one moment at a time, you are in my thoughts. 
Sending lots of hugs your way.


----------



## pigletliz

So sorry for all of your pain  Hoping that one day you can look upon April with loving memories of your daughter.


----------



## ZTator




----------



## mommasita

ZTator said:


> I am just now seeing this post, you lost your daughter the same year I lost mine. My daughter passed Dec 6th 2017.  She was 35 yrs old. I am still trying to get over the grief of it. I can not imagine the unspeakable horror you must still be going though. Until you lose someone that you truly love,  you will never understand the life changing grief you feel, and the way you lost your daughter was an incredible blow. There are  no words I can say that will bring comfort, I wish they were, I would scream them from the roof top for you. My prayers are going to go up for you, only strength can come from above. I am sadden and sorrowful. One split second in time can change the life's of so many forever. We just can't make sense of it. My sister goes to a large church in Texas, and a very faithful and prominent family of the church a few months ago came home after Sunday school with their 18 year old son, all laughing, they all ate out after church,  the son rejoicing at church, everything seemingly normal and he went out in the woods behind their house and hung himself that afternoon , with his older brother finding him hanging from a tree. Only you would understand how that family is now shattered. My goodness what that has done not only to the family but also affected the church family and as far away as where I live I am still shaken . The tears we have shed are enormous. All we can do is hold tight to one another, pray for one another and love one another. And know that my heart and prayers are going up for the strength of your whole family. God speed and huggss !!



Thank you for the post, and I’m so sorry that you also lost a daughter. It hurts to type it.  Some days I actually think I am making it, but the Month of April is so painful, they all are, just this more than most. Loving hugs to you and your family.  And to that family , I know exactly, and sadly what they are going through.  Thank you once again


----------



## Dan Murphy

ZTator said:


> I am just now seeing this post, you lost your daughter the same year I lost mine. My daughter passed Dec 6th 2017.  She was 35 yrs old. I am still trying to get over the grief of it. I can not imagine the unspeakable horror you must still be going though. Until you lose someone that you truly love,  you will never understand the life changing grief you feel, and the way you lost your daughter was an incredible blow. There are  no words I can say that will bring comfort, I wish they were, I would scream them from the roof top for you. My prayers are going to go up for you, only strength can come from above. I am sadden and sorrowful. One split second in time can change the life's of so many forever. We just can't make sense of it. My sister goes to a large church in Texas, and a very faithful and prominent family of the church a few months ago came home after Sunday school with their 18 year old son, all laughing, they all ate out after church,  the son rejoicing at church, everything seemingly normal and he went out in the woods behind their house and hung himself that afternoon , with his older brother finding him hanging from a tree. Only you would understand how that family is now shattered. My goodness what that has done not only to the family but also affected the church family and as far away as where I live I am still shaken . The tears we have shed are enormous. All we can do is hold tight to one another, pray for one another and love one another. And know that my heart and prayers are going up for the strength of your whole family. God speed and huggss !!


Blessings for you, ZTator.  Prayers of comfort.  Your daughter is with us all.


----------



## mommasita

I also wanted to thank everyone else, it does not go unnoticed, or unappreciated. I appreciate all the kind words, the thoughts, the prayers. Sometimes I just can’t even read my own post. It is still surreal, but so is this World. I’m glad to have you all, thank you .


----------



## mommasita

So it’s come to the 19th.  Today we should be celebrating with my beautiful daughter Briana, she should be turning 21.  I think about these times, would she still be in school, in love ? It is so not fair, so painful.  She would be going crazy during these times, on lockdown, but I would give anything to hear the complaints. I will sleep in her room, in her bed, amongst her things, and just try to feel her and hear her voice.


----------



## Welsh_Dragon

You are in my thoughts and prayers. You are right, it isn’t fair. I hope that you find many happy memories today.


----------



## Dan Murphy

Continued good wishes of comfort, mommasita. 's


----------



## mom2rtk

mommasita said:


> So it’s come to the 19th.  Today we should be celebrating with my beautiful daughter Briana, she should be turning 21.  I think about these times, would she still be in school, in love ? It is so not fair, so painful.  She would be going crazy during these times, on lockdown, but I would give anything to hear the complaints. I will sleep in her room, in her bed, amongst her things, and just try to feel her and hear her voice.


Big hugs as you remember her milestone birthday. Continued prayers for your family.


----------



## weswife

mommasita said:


> So it’s come to the 19th.  Today we should be celebrating with my beautiful daughter Briana, she should be turning 21.  I think about these times, would she still be in school, in love ? It is so not fair, so painful.  She would be going crazy during these times, on lockdown, but I would give anything to hear the complaints. I will sleep in her room, in her bed, amongst her things, and just try to feel her and hear her voice.



Sending you tons of hugs. The most difficult thing a parent could endure. You are a strong woman and I hope you felt comfort being in her room. Thinking of you <3


----------



## Haimia




----------



## Diana ZP

Just read your posts- so very sorry about your loss...May is the hard month for me, next month it will be 5 years that we lost my beautiful niece, who was my baby too.  She would have been 28 this November.  I talk to her alot in my head and when I go to the cemetery...it is just hard no getting around it, and so many things will bring back memories.  Hold onto the good ones and even some of the bad...I know my sweet one is in heaven watching over me, and I know she has helped me!  Your baby girl is watching over you and your family and protecting you.  Sometimes I will just out of the blue remember something funny that she would do and I smile like and idiot...my husband always says "Em?"  yep!  The smiles will come back and you honor her by smiling at the good memories.  Hugs and prayers to you and your family.


----------



## tinkerdorabelle

So so terribly sorry.  We experienced in our family also.    Hugs and prayers for you and your family.


----------



## mommasita

Diana ZP said:


> Just read your posts- so very sorry about your loss...May is the hard month for me, next month it will be 5 years that we lost my beautiful niece, who was my baby too.  She would have been 28 this November.  I talk to her alot in my head and when I go to the cemetery...it is just hard no getting around it, and so many things will bring back memories.  Hold onto the good ones and even some of the bad...I know my sweet one is in heaven watching over me, and I know she has helped me!  Your baby girl is watching over you and your family and protecting you.  Sometimes I will just out of the blue remember something funny that she would do and I smile like and idiot...my husband always says "Em?"  yep!  The smiles will come back and you honor her by smiling at the good memories.  Hugs and prayers to you and your family.



I am so terribly sorry about your niece. I know May is here, and wanted to send you some extra thoughts,


----------



## mommasita

tinkerdorabelle said:


> So so terribly sorry.  We experienced in our family also.    Hugs and prayers for you and your family.



Thank you, and I’m so so sorry for you to have experienced the devastation of suicide. It is a pain like no other.  Hugs and love and light right back.


----------



## mommasita

, tonight is 3 years that my daughter took her life. I simply can not fathom I have survived, not lived, i survive.  I last spoke to her, held her this day 3 years ago.  She would be 21 and would she be in school, where would she be, would she be in love, happy. 
My daughter should have buried me, not the opposite.  you read time  heals all wounds, it doesn’t, it never will. I pray for the day that I can join her again, hold her, love her.


----------



## Carol_

mommasita said:


> , tonight is 3 years that my daughter took her life. I simply can not fathom I have survived, not lived, i survive.  I last spoke to her, held her this day 3 years ago.  She would be 21 and would she be in school, where would she be, would she be in love, happy.
> My daughter should have buried me, not the opposite.  you read time  heals all wounds, it doesn’t, it never will. I pray for the day that I can join her again, hold her, love her.


 Praying for you.


----------



## Disneyboy24

mommasita said:


> my daughter chose to end her life by hanging in our home, my husband and son (21) found her. She was my baby, and only 18. It's only been one month
> 
> her ex bf had done the same two weeks earlier , and his sister blamed her, as she had a new bf.
> 
> We are really broken and trying to survive . Last year I lost both my mom and stepdad in 5 days, but this is something no parent should face.  I wish for nobody to have this pain.
> Please keep us in whatever you do, thoughts and/or prayers


Sorry for your loss


----------



## macraven

I understand your pain and have kept you in my prayers the last 3 years.


----------



## Befferk

There are no words for a parent having to go through this. Unfortunately, I have seen way too many parents who have had to... (I work in a funeral home, it's gut-wrenching). My son is 18. I simply can't imagine... it takes the breath from my lungs to try. I am so very sorry.


----------



## marcyleecorgan

many thoughts of light and hope are with you @mommasita <3


----------



## theluckyrabbit

I am so sorry. Praying for you tonight. Please know that there are so many here who truly care for you as you continue through this hard journey.


----------



## mya1k9

I dont post anymore but read frequently and just want to say, my heart hurts for you. I am so sorry for your loss 3 years ago. It really doesn't get easier but hopefully you'll find peace in all these people who care and are praying for your family. Gentle hugs to you


----------



## Welsh_Dragon

I am so sorry for your loss, for your pain.


----------



## pahoben

Give her an extra hug from all of us when you are together again.


----------



## AnnaS

Thinking of you xoxox


----------



## Dan Murphy

Anniversaries can be tough, mommasita.  Some day...join, hold, love again.  Until then, memories and love.


----------



## itsdisneytime

I am so sorry for your loss.  I understand your pain.  They say - to be absent from our bodies means to be present with the lord.  If you believe that, then just have faith - knowing that she will be waiting for you when it is your turn.  You are needed here on earth to be a blessing and an help to someone else going through the same thing.


----------



## ctl

mommasita said:


> , tonight is 3 years that my daughter took her life. I simply can not fathom I have survived, not lived, i survive.  I last spoke to her, held her this day 3 years ago.  She would be 21 and would she be in school, where would she be, would she be in love, happy.
> My daughter should have buried me, not the opposite.  you read time  heals all wounds, it doesn’t, it never will. I pray for the day that I can join her again, hold her, love her.


So very very sorry for your loss.  Sending you love, hugs and prayers.


----------



## weswife

mommasita said:


> , tonight is 3 years that my daughter took her life. I simply can not fathom I have survived, not lived, i survive.  I last spoke to her, held her this day 3 years ago.  She would be 21 and would she be in school, where would she be, would she be in love, happy.
> My daughter should have buried me, not the opposite.  you read time  heals all wounds, it doesn’t, it never will. I pray for the day that I can join her again, hold her, love her.




I am thinking of you.  You are a strong woman. I am sending tons of prayers and strength to you.


----------



## karen4546

((HUG))...  I am so very sorry.


----------



## ShannyMcB




----------



## mommasita

Although I never did thank everyone, please know I read each comment, and do appreciate it very much, so Thank you, 
Here I lie sleepless. Monday my daughter would be turning 22, although restrictions are in place, no doubt we would be certainly celebrating. My child loved her Birthday more than anyone.  I just can’t believe it’s the 4th one without her.  I look at all these pictures, I never ever dreamt they would be the last ones.
Please take pictures, make memories.


----------



## theluckyrabbit

mommasita said:


> Although I never did thank everyone, please know I read each comment, and do appreciate it very much, so Thank you,
> Here I lie sleepless. Monday my daughter would be turning 22, although restrictions are in place, no doubt we would be certainly celebrating. My child loved her Birthday more than anyone.  I just can’t believe it’s the 4th one without her.  I look at all these pictures, I never ever dreamt they would be the last ones.
> Please take pictures, make memories.


Huge, huge hug for you! I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is real and such a personal journey. Please know that you and your family are in the thoughts and prayers of so many people here.


----------



## Welsh_Dragon

mommasita said:


> Although I never did thank everyone, please know I read each comment, and do appreciate it very much, so Thank you,
> Here I lie sleepless. Monday my daughter would be turning 22, although restrictions are in place, no doubt we would be certainly celebrating. My child loved her Birthday more than anyone.  I just can’t believe it’s the 4th one without her.  I look at all these pictures, I never ever dreamt they would be the last ones.
> Please take pictures, make memories.


My heart aches for you.


----------



## Pea-n-Me

Thinking of you.


----------



## AnnaS

sending love and hugs.


----------



## mom2rtk

Hugs to you @mommasita.


----------



## Snowysmom

Sending thoughts and prayers your way.  Take care.


----------



## Dan Murphy

mommasita said:


> Although I never did thank everyone, please know I read each comment, and do appreciate it very much, so Thank you,
> Here I lie sleepless. Monday my daughter would be turning 22, although restrictions are in place, no doubt we would be certainly celebrating. My child loved her Birthday more than anyone.  I just can’t believe it’s the 4th one without her.  I look at all these pictures, I never ever dreamt they would be the last ones.
> Please take pictures, make memories.


Good thoughts remain with you, mommasita. 's


----------



## macraven

peace be with you


----------



## Poohbear538

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Big hugs!


----------



## Silver saucer

Mommasita your posts bring tears to my eyes. My prayers are with you.


----------



## Haimia




----------



## Grand Koalafornian

I’m newish here, so I’m late to the game. I’m so sorry for your loss. I know far too many parents who have lost children, including my own parents and grandparents. It’s not something anyone should have to experience.

I lost my little sister over a decade ago and my father last December. It’s not the same thing at all, of course, but I hope it helps to know that you’re not alone in grieving.

I know that it’s pretty much a cliche by now, but I love the quote from WandaVision “what is grief, if not love persevering relationship?” I don’t know if helps you at all, but I find it comforting when I’m at my lowest.

Sending hugs and prayers your way.


----------



## pigletliz

Hugs for you and your family on your precious daughter's birthday


----------



## supamaki

mommasita said:


> my daughter chose to end her life by hanging in our home, my husband and son (21) found her. She was my baby, and only 18. It's only been one month
> 
> her ex bf had done the same two weeks earlier , and his sister blamed her, as she had a new bf.
> 
> We are really broken and trying to survive . Last year I lost both my mom and stepdad in 5 days, but this is something no parent should face.  I wish for nobody to have this pain.
> Please keep us in whatever you do, thoughts and/or prayers



I know that words must feel empty now, but I'm going to share some of mne anyway, however meaningless they are. 
First it's not your fault. It's NOT your fault. When someone chooses to end their life, the chances that anyone can stop them is minuscule. I know there's title comfort in that, but there might be some. Her brain was telling her to do something that someone without depression cannot understand. It's a constant and everyday struggle and sometimes you lose the fight.

Grief is another insipid bedfellow, but I'm here to tell you that it feels like you're drowning and waves and waves of grief just wash over you and won't let you breathe. You can't get up for air and you're just drowning. But at some point you're gonna notice that there's a little break in the waves crashing over you and you can grab a breath. And then another. And even though the grief is hitting you from all sides you can stand it.
There will be times that a wave catches you off guard and you feel like you're drowning again and that's normal. But eventually you're gonna see the waves coming and you can prepare for them, birthday's holiday's trips to places you both shared. The waves never leave, but the time between them lengthens and you can breathe.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope that someday you can escape some of your grief and be only left with the cherished memories of the loved and lost.


----------



## SnowWhite1981

mommasita said:


> my daughter chose to end her life by hanging in our home, my husband and son (21) found her. She was my baby, and only 18. It's only been one month
> 
> her ex bf had done the same two weeks earlier , and his sister blamed her, as she had a new bf.
> 
> We are really broken and trying to survive . Last year I lost both my mom and stepdad in 5 days, but this is something no parent should face.  I wish for nobody to have this pain.
> Please keep us in whatever you do, thoughts and/or prayers


I am so sorry this happened to your family.  Praying for peace for all of you!


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## Hisgirl

I cannot imagine the strength you are living with, in order to live with this pain. I have no words. 
Only to say, your story affected me.
And yes, I will think of you, and pray for you, and ask to be reminded of you, in order to lift you up.
One recommendation I would like to make, is a book I read a few years back. It is called 'Imagine Heaven' by John Burke. I had just lost my best friend and it changed how I saw her passing. In fact, it gave me an unimaginable joy to imagine what she was experiencing. It is a unique book, unlike others like it, and I believe it will lift your soul. 
Bless you.


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## mommasita

This weekend is 4 years. FOUR YEARS, it’s unbelievable, inconceivable that I have survived. I keep picturing my Bri at 4. Then I think it’s 4 years closer to  to us joining,

I have not thanked every post, but I have read and appreciate each and every. Please know I am not strong at all. I am the weakest limb on a tree, I am treading.

  I start a new job on Monday, I am terrified, like what was I thinking. . However my old boss says I can call her Tuesday in case it doesn’t click, and go right back.


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## Dan Murphy

mommasita said:


> This weekend is 4 years. FOUR YEARS, it’s unbelievable, inconceivable that I have survived. I keep picturing my Bri at 4. Then I think it’s 4 years closer to  to us joining,
> 
> I have not thanked every post, but I have read and appreciate each and every. Please know I am not strong at all. I am the weakest limb on a tree, I am treading.
> 
> I start a new job on Monday, I am terrified, like what was I thinking. . However my old boss says I can call her Tuesday in case it doesn’t click, and go right back.


Thinking of you and your daughter, mommasita. 's


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## Pea-n-Me

Big virtual hug!


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## Welsh_Dragon

Thinking of you today. Praying for you. One foot in front of the other my girl, one day at a time. X


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## AnnaS

mommasita said:


> This weekend is 4 years. FOUR YEARS, it’s unbelievable, inconceivable that I have survived. I keep picturing my Bri at 4. Then I think it’s 4 years closer to  to us joining,
> 
> I have not thanked every post, but I have read and appreciate each and every. Please know I am not strong at all. I am the weakest limb on a tree, I am treading.
> 
> I start a new job on Monday, I am terrified, like what was I thinking. . However my old boss says I can call her Tuesday in case it doesn’t click, and go right back.




Push and move ahead even if it feels like you are a robot and going through the motions.  I believe our loved ones would want us to try to move on.  Smile at all the good memories.  Thinking of you and sending virtual hugs.  Good luck Monday.  Let us know how it works out.  I hope it's a good fit for you.


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## ENJDisneyFan

mommasita said:


> This weekend is 4 years. FOUR YEARS, it’s unbelievable, inconceivable that I have survived. I keep picturing my Bri at 4. Then I think it’s 4 years closer to  to us joining,
> 
> I have not thanked every post, but I have read and appreciate each and every. Please know I am not strong at all. I am the weakest limb on a tree, I am treading.
> 
> I start a new job on Monday, I am terrified, like what was I thinking. . However my old boss says I can call her Tuesday in case it doesn’t click, and go right back.


Just the fact that you are surviving, makes you strong.  Continued prayers for you and your family.


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## marcyleecorgan

*positive energy and pixie dust*


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## mom2rtk

Hugs to you @mommasita.   

You say you aren't strong. You are 100% strong. You are getting up every day and putting one foot in front of the other. Please feel all the love and support I'm sending your way.


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## Disneyfan754321

mommasita said:


> This weekend is 4 years. FOUR YEARS, it’s unbelievable, inconceivable that I have survived. I keep picturing my Bri at 4. Then I think it’s 4 years closer to  to us joining,
> 
> I have not thanked every post, but I have read and appreciate each and every. Please know I am not strong at all. I am the weakest limb on a tree, I am treading.
> 
> I start a new job on Monday, I am terrified, like what was I thinking. . However my old boss says I can call her Tuesday in case it doesn’t click, and go right back.


❤Lots of Love ❤  you are stronger than you think,  I am  mom of a kid that had a rare cancer. People always said  I  dont know how you do it.  It really came down to one step at a time and day by day. 
 Have a great day at your new job.


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## PollyannaMom

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you today.


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## weswife

mommasita said:


> This weekend is 4 years. FOUR YEARS, it’s unbelievable, inconceivable that I have survived. I keep picturing my Bri at 4. Then I think it’s 4 years closer to  to us joining,
> 
> I have not thanked every post, but I have read and appreciate each and every. Please know I am not strong at all. I am the weakest limb on a tree, I am treading.
> 
> I start a new job on Monday, I am terrified, like what was I thinking. . However my old boss says I can call her Tuesday in case it doesn’t click, and go right back.



Thinking of you ... sending big hugs your way


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## Silver saucer

Mommasita Im sending hugs and prayers your way. You are strong even if it doesn't feel like it. The compassion you show others in need on this board has made a difference to me and Im sure to many others. 
 You are incredibly brave!


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## LuvOrlando

Wishing you continued strength and increasing peace in your days.


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## TLSnell1981

No words...only a great big hug.


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## quandrea

Thinking of you today @mommasita.


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## Silver saucer

I hope your first week of work at your new job went well. Learning the million and one little and big things in a new job can be completely overwhelming. Everything takes time to learn. You go girl!!!!


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## mommasita

Silver saucer said:


> I hope your first week of work at your new job went well. Learning the million and one little and big things in a new job can be completely overwhelming. Everything takes time to learn. You go girl!!!!



Thank you. It was very hard this week. I spoke to my old boss Tuesday, I thanked her and told her I wouldn’t be back. Thursday I’m nearly in tears, I sent her an email to see if I could change my mind . I haven’t heard back. She must think I’m certifiable. New jobs are hard, I guess time will tell.
I am very overwhelmed, but it’s Our Thanksgiving here, so a long weekend to relax and unwind,


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## cm8

mommasita said:


> Thank you. It was very hard this week. I spoke to my old boss Tuesday, I thanked her and told her I wouldn’t be back. Thursday I’m nearly in tears, I sent her an email to see if I could change my mind . I haven’t heard back. She must think I’m certifiable. New jobs are hard, I guess time will tell.
> I am very overwhelmed, but it’s Our Thanksgiving here, so a long weekend to relax and unwind,


Here’s a big . Whatever you decide, may it bring you whatever you’re looking for.  Please get some rest and enjoy your Thanksgiving!


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## mommasita

Tomorrow. Tomorrow is my daughter’s 23rd Birthday. I wanted to close this thread, but I can’t, I just can not do it. I feel like that is just another way of making it like she never existed, she is over. She never will be. I wonder so much how much she would have changed in 5 years. 

Although I appreciate the well wishes, please know this isn’t the meaning for this thread. It is my therapy, a way to speak my words, my thoughts, my heart.

I will be working, I’ve never worked a Birthday of hers since I’ve lost her, I pray for the strength to be able to make the day. My best friend called, suggested i do what I can, if I can’t, I can’t, that is all. I don’t do well with pity, so I don’t want to tell my boss why, if I can’t, I’ll just say I am not well, which wont be a lie.

Well then, thanks for letting me ramble.


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## macraven

Sending you a big hug.


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## susans

mommasita,
My heart is with you.  My son decided not to live anymore also.  People don’t understand that you are still grieving—bless you and please hang in there.


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## Dan Murphy

mommasita said:


> Tomorrow. Tomorrow is my daughter’s 23rd Birthday. I wanted to close this thread, but I can’t, I just can not do it. I feel like that is just another way of making it like she never existed, she is over. She never will be. I wonder so much how much she would have changed in 5 years.
> 
> Although I appreciate the well wishes, please know this isn’t the meaning for this thread. It is my therapy, a way to speak my words, my thoughts, my heart.
> 
> I will be working, I’ve never worked a Birthday of hers since I’ve lost her, I pray for the strength to be able to make the day. My best friend called, suggested i do what I can, if I can’t, I can’t, that is all. I don’t do well with pity, so I don’t want to tell my boss why, if I can’t, I’ll just say I am not well, which wont be a lie.
> 
> Well then, thanks for letting me ramble.


's

No closing this thread, that's right, mommasita.  With you in spirit.


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## mommasita

susans said:


> mommasita,
> My heart is with you.  My son decided not to live anymore also.  People don’t understand that you are still grieving—bless you and please hang in there.



@susans , sending you love


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## Dan Murphy

susans said:


> My son decided not to live anymore also.  People don’t understand that you are still grieving—bless you and please hang in there.


's susans


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## TLSnell1981

Sending prayers for peace and strength.


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## Pea-n-Me

Keeping you close in thought and prayer.


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## eksmama01

Mommasita,
There is hope, love, and reason in all things. God allows terrible things, even though we can't fathom or understand them. I am a broken person who struggles often with things. I knew about your daughter from other posts. Your strength gives me hope and helps me persevere. I know I am just an internet person, but thank you.


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## eksmama01

@Dan Murphy  your kindness comes through every day. You have made me and I know others feel welcomed and blessed many times. Thank you for being a kind soul in this less than kind world.


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## AnnaS

susans said:


> mommasita,
> My heart is with you.  My son decided not to live anymore also.  People don’t understand that you are still grieving—bless you and please hang in there.



Hugs to you.....

I wanted to put the hug symbol but no clue where it is anymore.  I see the board changed


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## AnnaS

mommasita said:


> Tomorrow. Tomorrow is my daughter’s 23rd Birthday. I wanted to close this thread, but I can’t, I just can not do it. I feel like that is just another way of making it like she never existed, she is over. She never will be. I wonder so much how much she would have changed in 5 years.
> 
> Although I appreciate the well wishes, please know this isn’t the meaning for this thread. It is my therapy, a way to speak my words, my thoughts, my heart.
> 
> I will be working, I’ve never worked a Birthday of hers since I’ve lost her, I pray for the strength to be able to make the day. My best friend called, suggested i do what I can, if I can’t, I can’t, that is all. I don’t do well with pity, so I don’t want to tell my boss why, if I can’t, I’ll just say I am not well, which wont be a lie.
> 
> Well then, thanks for letting me ramble.



You are in my thoughts.  Sending you a big hug......


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## mom2rtk

Sending hugs, prayers and strength to you across the miles.


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## Diana ZP

She lives on in your heart and memories...I lost my niece 7 years ago next month and her mom 5 years ago.  Not a day goes by that I don't miss them or say hi to them, they are still with me.  Please know you are loved and that everyone is sending you that love, strength and hugs.  Please take care.


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## PollyannaMom

Thinking of you today


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## Planogirl

I'm thinking of you too.


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## BroadwayHermione5

My condolences to all who have lost someone on this thread.


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## Carol_

Mommasita, and all who have lost loved ones:

Words are never good enough. They can’t fill the absence. But, I pray that your pain becomes less sharp as you remember the good times. Focus on the joyous moments, taking your next breaths, getting through your tough days, reaching your next goals, however minor. You are still here for a reason. I hope this note helps a bit.


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## ronandannette

Thinking of you today @mommasita and knowing that although grief ebbs and flows, your profound loss never diminishes.  Grace and peace in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ and much love and compassion from many of us here who hold you in our hearts.


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## mommasita

ronandannette said:


> Thinking of you today @mommasita and knowing that although grief ebbs and flows, your profound loss never diminishes.  Grace and peace in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ and much love and compassion from many of us here who hold you in our hearts.



Thank you so much for taking time in your day to think of me and post this.  I can not put into words what it means. 
I hope you had a wonderful Mother’s Day!


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