# Daughters who have lost their Mother



## Shelly F - Ohio

I thought I would start a thread for Daugthers who have lost their Mom's. Some place to share, reflect and get support from those of us who have lost our Mom's.

I lost my Mom in 1993 and she was my best friend. I miss her dearly especially here at Christmas which was her favorite holiday. 

I miss some of the dishes she made like homemade red velvet cake, pumpkin cookies. 

I wish my hubby could have met her.


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## Pkaroch

Count me in...a sad group to be a part of!  I lost my mom in July 2007.  This is the first year Dad and I have remotely gotten into 'The Christmas Spirit.'  In 2007 we ran away to Las Vegas for Christmas and didn't put one stitch of decoration up.

It's difficult to see all the commercials with happy families, and when we decorate, see her stocking and our last Disney ornament with our names on from her last trip with us.  I miss her all the time, but the holiday season is harder than the rest of the year.

to everyone who has lost their mom, no matter how old you are, it's such a hard thing to go through!


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## luvmarypoppins

I miss my mom too. I really didnt even have time to grieve as I had to take in my 90 year old grandma who lived with her and I was recovering from surgery which I had complications from and almost died from like a week before that.

Now I have been fighting cancer all this year. I really wish my mom was around to encourage me and give me a hug etc. Her best friend lives in the next state. I call her aunt and she talks to me on the phone alot, I love her like a mom, but I miss my real mom.


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## PrincessSuzanne

I am so glad this got started, I hope we can keep it going.

I lost my mom Aug 26, 2008, very suddenly. We had been talking about our upcoming Disney trip that weekend and she collapsed, I buried her the day we were supposed to leave for Disney.

We weren't always quite as close, because of my grandmother. My parents divorced when I was just a year old and my father wasn't a part of my life (his choice). My mom and I lived in our house until my grandfather died when I was 5, then we moved in with my grandmother, who did most of my raising since mom had to work. My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimers in 2000 and died in 2001, so mom and I grew closer. 

Mom was there for me through every rotten work day, all the infertility treatments, and the decision to remain childless. She was just always there for me literally everyday. I was ther for her through the 7 year fight with her sister and brother over my grandmothers estate and I bought my grandparents house and we moved in with her and DH, then my teenaged cousin. I worked nights, so we spent all morning together and she picked me up most evenings because of DH's job schedule. 

I don't know any other mothers and daughter who are closer. Everywhere we went everybody knew us and it was difficult going out for awhile, because everyone was so used to seeing us together.

Disney was our favorite place, especially at Christmas, because they could accommodate her needs. It was difficult that first trip after her death and our Christmas 2008 trip was a blur, but I have such great memories.

Well, I have gone on too much, but it helps to have someone who understands.

Suzanne


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## alamode

My twin girls (and son) lost their Mom just over three years ago, when they were only 3. Unfortunately, since she was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma a week before they were born, they only remember Mommy "being sick".

When we went to WDW last May it was very bittersweet, as my wife was the huge Disney fan, and I knew she would have wanted to be there with us. There were a few tears from me (hidden from the kids) when we entered the Magic Kingdom at rope drop.

While at Pixie Hollow, Tinkerbell asked where Mommy was. After the girls replied that Mommy was in heaven, Tink replied "Well you just give some huge hugs to me, and I'll fly up to Heaven to give them to Mommy."

While watching Wishes that night, the kids saw Tinkerbell scaling down from the castle and screamed "Look, Tinkerbell's coming down from Heaven, Mommy got our hugs!!" At the end of Wishes, the kids saw 3 huge heart shaped fireworks and they said in unison "Thanks Mommy, we love you too."


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## Shelly F - Ohio

OMG  where is my box of kleenex. That was such a touching story Alamode. 
I lost my Mom to lung cancer which spread to her brain. She under went an experimental treatment at the Cleveland Clinic which did shrink her brain tumor. She had 1/2 a lung removed. In the end the cancer had spread to bones. She was a good little fighter. 
The day of her funeral we had a blizzard! We no sooner left the graveyard and the declared the city in a state of emergency and closed all the roads. We had a lot of out of town guest stranded. I had a friend with a 4X4 SUV who transport people to the hotel. What an ordeal. 

What is the best memory or tradition you have about Christmas time spent with your Mom? 
 One a few occasions my two sisters and their families would spend the night Christmas Eve and then we would wake up and open presents. There would be 16 people under one roof. Not to mention the huge pile of presents under the tree.


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## Elfstar

My mom died suddenly of a heart attack November 2, 1990.  She was the family "Christmas Elf",  getting everybody organized, decorations up, etc.  It just wasn't the same after that.

My fondest (and funniest) memory was Mom always letting in the dog Christmas morning for a treat and to open his present (a toy) and hearing her fuss when the first thing the dog did was chase the cat up the Christmas tree.  After the first two years, she had Dad fasten the tree to the wall with wires so the pets couldn't tip it over.


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## mana

alamode said:


> My twin girls (and son) lost their Mom just over three years ago, when they were only 3. Unfortunately, since she was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma a week before they were born, they only remember Mommy "being sick".
> 
> When we went to WDW last May it was very bittersweet, as my wife was the huge Disney fan, and I knew she would have wanted to be there with us. There were a few tears from me (hidden from the kids) when we entered the Magic Kingdom at rope drop.
> 
> While at Pixie Hollow, Tinkerbell asked where Mommy was. After the girls replied that Mommy was in heaven, Tink replied "Well you just give some huge hugs to me, and I'll fly up to Heaven to give them to Mommy."
> 
> While watching Wishes that night, the kids saw Tinkerbell scaling down from the castle and screamed "Look, Tinkerbell's coming down from Heaven, Mommy got our hugs!!" At the end of Wishes, the kids saw 3 huge heart shaped fireworks and they said in unison "Thanks Mommy, we love you too."



that was wonderfully heartfelt and beautiful story. thank you for sharing it. I didn't lose my mom, but my dad, and I can truly almost imagine the excitement and joy your kids must have felt. 

ps. you sound like an awesome father!


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## WDWLVR

I lost my Mom back in 1997 to lung cancer and miss her very much especially at the holidays like this.

We were supposed to go to Disney together in May of '97.  In April she was on a trip with her seniors group (though she was a very young senior of 67) and came home with a nasty cough that wouldn't go away.  She was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.  Needless to say that trip got cancelled.  We were going to be staying at the Poly and since that was her favorite resort we bought her a brick that year.  It is on the path from the resort to the luau.  So a part of her memory will always be at the Poly.

Thankfully we had six months together where we could share things.  One of the things she requested was to be buried in the dress she wore to my wedding some 7 years before.  Turned out to be very profound as we waked her on our wedding anniversary.  She and my husband were very close and I'm blessed that she got to know him so well.  

We still visit her brick at the Poly and I still talk to her every day.  I know she is looking after us.


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## Marina Del Rey

Over a year ago, I lost my mother in her old age. She left shortly after a set of strokes while suffering from dementia. I felt like I never really had her. Our relationship was strained at best through the duration of my life. 

Last month, I lost my mother-in-law to cervical cancer. The lady was one of my dearest friends. She was a combination of the mother and big sister I never had. The matriarch of her family, she is SO MISSED. She left us far too soon!


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## DVC Kathy

I lost my mother on April 16, 2001.  She had COPD and between that and issues with some of my brothers, she just wore out.  I miss her every day.  She and I were the only girls in the family, so we stuck together against my father and three brothers.

My favorite Christmas memory comes back to me every time I hear Feliz Navidad.  Mom and I are in the car, driving back from the Plymouth Meeting Mall after a massive Christmas shopping attack, singing along with the radio at the top of our lungs.  She was Santa, and I was her elf.

Nothing can top watching the Osborne lights dance to Feliz Navidad for putting me in the spirit of the season.

Kathy


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## Magix

alamode said:


> My twin girls (and son) lost their Mom just over three years ago, when they were only 3. Unfortunately, since she was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma a week before they were born, they only remember Mommy "being sick".
> 
> When we went to WDW last May it was very bittersweet, as my wife was the huge Disney fan, and I knew she would have wanted to be there with us. There were a few tears from me (hidden from the kids) when we entered the Magic Kingdom at rope drop.
> 
> While at Pixie Hollow, Tinkerbell asked where Mommy was. After the girls replied that Mommy was in heaven, Tink replied "Well you just give some huge hugs to me, and I'll fly up to Heaven to give them to Mommy."
> 
> While watching Wishes that night, the kids saw Tinkerbell scaling down from the castle and screamed "Look, Tinkerbell's coming down from Heaven, Mommy got our hugs!!" At the end of Wishes, the kids saw 3 huge heart shaped fireworks and they said in unison "Thanks Mommy, we love you too."



Oh, good heavens!  I'm literally in tears.

I lost my mom to colon cancer in January 2004.  To this day, I can't watch it snow on Main Street at Disneyland, because that was the last thing that mom and I went out and did together.  I know I'll just break down crying if I see it now.  I ended up on Main St, watching the castle lighting moment at Disneyland the other evening and I started crying.  

During my second ABD trip, on a ferry boat from Capri back to Sorrento, I started to cry a bit, because I looked around at the beautiful sights around me and thought of how much mom would have loved to have gone on both the ABDs with me.  She never got the chance to travel overseas and I know she would have loved to go, just us two girls.

Dad and I have not had much Christmas spirit since mom died.  We don't even bother to buy a tree or decorate the house at all.  It just doesn't seem worth it now.  Mom was always the one who organized all of that and made it seem fun.

I don't spend too much time thinking about how much I miss her, but every now and then a thought will just hit me out of the blue and bring me to tears.  No matter your age, it's just hard to lose mom.


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## DIsNeYSweEtHrTs

Hi all - 

I wanted to post about my wonderful, loving, caring, and generous mom who passed away Nov. 22, 2009.  I feel like I have a huge hole in my gut and like my heart has been ripped out.  I have lost my best friend, and my dad has lost his soulmate (they were high school sweethearts, and taught me what "true love" really is).

She had been diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma back in 2005.  During chemo, she picked up several lung infections that eventually left her with 20% lung function.  She seemed to do pretty well mosying around the house with her 90 foot oxygen tubing, and we thought she could continue like that for a while, and be able to watch her grandbabies grow up. 

We got back from Disney on Oct. 22, 2009, from a FANTASTIC trip.  Mom had said several times while we were there, that she had never felt better.  A few days after we got home, we all started to feel very sick.  Mom spent the next few days in bed with a fever and a cough.  She was admitted to the hospital and discovered she, and probably all of us, had contracted the swine flu.

She seemed to be tolerating it, until she started to seem confused.  The night she was admitted to the hospital, we found out that the carbon dioxide level in her blood was three times what it should have been.  She was placed on a ventilator, and began to deteriorate.  Her lungs no longer were working, and the ventilator was barely keeping her going.  She couldn't keep her blood gasses where they should have been.  We took her off the ventilator at 3:00 p.m. on 11/22/09.  She passed 10 minutes later.  She was 50 years old. 

I hope someday that I can be half the mom she was.  She was the perfect mom, times ten.  She was there for everything.  We did everything together.  I can't even bring myself to get my hair done because we used to always go together.  She loved her grandbabies, my DS Kaden (2.5) and my DD Allie (6 months), with all her heart.  She wanted to see her granddaughter get married.  She wanted to see Kaden's soccer games.  She always said, I'm not ready to check out, I have too much to do!  I go over it again and again wondering what we could have done differently. 

I am so sorry for everyone's losses on this thread.  I can definately understand how you all feel, and my thoughts and prayers are with you all.  We all have our very own guardian angels now.


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## Carol17

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in April 1987, and died 3 days after my 16th birthday on January 8 1988. Seeing her quickly slipping away through that Christmas was very difficult to watch. I was very close to my mom, and have felt so alone since she has been gone. Christmas has been such a sad time for me for many,many years. It was always a reminder of watching my mom dying. It is just in the last couple of years that I have started to appreciate Christmas again. Going to Disney and seeing all the beautiful decorations, and frankly, being able to get away from home has helped me get through the season. Even after all these years, I still miss my mom and think of her every day. It is such a huge loss and has changed me and my life in so many ways.

It's kind of nice to be able to write this here, because after 23 years, I feel like I'm not allowed to be sad anymore.


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## kathyseb

I lost my dad 3-4-79 and my mom 11-12-07.  She passed away on my older sister's birthday.

The only thing that keeps me going is that I now know my parents are together again.  

To think back and now realize that my mom was on her own for 28 years is amazing to me.  They deserve to be together.

I miss them both so much I can not begin to express it in words.

Thanks for starting this thread.  

 to everyone.


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## Rustysmom

My mom died 3/26/08.  She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer only 2 months before, but she was having back pain and constipation since the fall of 07, only we didn't know it was something that serious.  

I miss her so much every single day. My mom's cat Penny passed away right before Thanksgiving this year, which makes it even more sad.  I can't even go into my mom's house anymore without thinking of the 2 of them and crying.  I can't wait to finally get it back on the market and hopefull sell it next year. 

Christmas was very sad without her this year, as we always went to her house to spend Christmas day, and we don't have much other family left at all.  My FIL also died last year.  I wish we had the money to go to Disney for Christmas, but I just lost my P/T job so all money has to go for bills right now.  I'd really like to go for Christmas in 2010, and I'm going to save up as much as I can to make that happen.


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## kathleena

alamode - OMG I'm in tears at work reading this.  Tinker Bell would probably love to hear how that story ended if you had a moment to send a note to disney with the date, they could get it to her.


I lost my Mom to brain cancer just a few minutes after midnight on Jan 1st, 1998.  We had her funeral on what would have been her 70th birthday, Jan 4th.

She had been diagnosed in Sept with the tumor, before that she was in perfect health.  Looking back, we can see the signs of what it was doing to her brain, although everything was very subtle.

She was the type of person who everyone liked.  She was just a nice, sweet, kind, gentle, humorous person.  She struggled with her self-worth for her entire life, but her last 20 years brought changes as she became involved in Community Theatre and took to the stage.  She really loved it and audiences loved her.  Over 500 people attended her funeral.  She had been in the church choir for over 40 years and we had them sing, inviting back members who had moved away, or left the choir.

My Mom and I always believed in spiritual connections.   There are many instances of psychic occurances with her and me while she was living.  Also with her and others in our family.  But it has been since she is gone that I feel it the strongest.  When she is near spiritually, there are signs she sends to me.  She is only around when there is something happening that I don't know about and need to know about - always involving someones health.  There has been the final illness and death of her close friend, of my father's two brothers, his cousin, my husband's mother's brain tumor.  And as if I needed further proof, while in an auditorium of 1900 other people, John Edward found me and the sign came through him.  There's no way he could know.  It almost brought me to my knees.

I miss her so much - I want to know little things like how did she dip the needhams without losing them in the chocolate sauce - or the big things - like telling me more about what her life was like as a child.

We go through so much our whole lives with education - but nothing teaches us how to lose a parent and how to live the rest of our lives missing them.


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## rlduvall

I lost my mother, who was my bestfriend, to lung cancer on December 6, 2007 at the young age of 65.  Three days later, our City was hit with an ice storm that had never been experienced before - totally debilitating and shutting everything down.  We couldn't even bury her for another week which greatly contributed to my anxiety and mourning.   

While I "keep moving forward" and am thankful for my DH and DS, I will never have the same joy as I experienced before.  The world is truly a little dimmer to me.   

And one bad byproduct of intentionally waiting until you are older to have a child [I was 35] was that my mother only got to see him to age 8 and he no longer gets to experience her unyielding adoration and love.


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## moepanz

I lost my mom this past Thanksgiving day. She was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer in March. This Christmas was almost unbearable. My mom was scheduled to leave for Disney the Monday after she was diagnosed but cancelled  to start her treatments. She finished her chemo and radiation treatments in Sept. We all went to Disney on Sept 17. She was a trooper. We sat down for dinner on Saturday Sept.19 for dinner at the Cape May Cafe and without warning she did not know who we were and where she was. We called an ambulance she was taken to Dr. Phillips hosp and she had 3 seizures. It turned out the cancer had spread to the brain quicker and more than they had thought.  She was in 3 different hospitals in Fla ( all more amazing than the next) for a month until we flew her home on an air ambulance. My brother and I were taking turns flying back and forth to Fla. (we are from NY)  The time we had with her in Disney was amazing. We had dinner in the castle the first night and we made it to the Halloween party the second. I am grateful my children will have those memories of her. She passed away after midnight on Thanksgiving. It has been rough and I feel so sorry for my dad. I miss her more and more each day. I could not believe when I saw this thread. Thanks for letting me share. I will keep you all in my thoughts.


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## ACDSNY

Reading through these posts was like seeing pieces of me written by so many others as we all try to deal with our feelings of loss and of loosing our mother and best friend.  

My mother was only 59 when she passed in July 1998 to colon cancer.  She was the eldest of 8 sibblings, so we always had a large extended family that was very close knit. Now that she's gone we hardly ever get together like we use to which is something else I've missed.  She always made the holidays special and like others have said they are now very difficult to get through, the magic is no longer there.  I still miss her each and every day.


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## kimis

I lost my mom/best friend a little over three years ago and it is still painful.  She was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer so we only had her for two and a half months after the diagnoses.  We would talk on the phone about 2-4 times a day.  She was a great mom/grandma/greatgrandma and best friend anyone could ask for!   I miss her more than others know.  I am glad she is in Heaven and in no more pain.  I know I will see her again someday but for right now somedays are better than others.


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## KristiMc

I lost my mom on June 9, 2009.  It has been hard.  Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.  Her birthday would have been this past Tuesday so we had the holidays and then birthday back to back.


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## Shelly F - Ohio

Oh my.. to you. 
Hang in there. The first year without her will be the toughest but when you feel sad look back on the good times you had. And know that she is with you everyday. 



moepanz said:


> I lost my mom this past Thanksgiving day. She was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer in March. This Christmas was almost unbearable. My mom was scheduled to leave for Disney the Monday after she was diagnosed but cancelled  to start her treatments. She finished her chemo and radiation treatments in Sept. We all went to Disney on Sept 17. She was a trooper. We sat down for dinner on Saturday Sept.19 for dinner at the Cape May Cafe and without warning she did not know who we were and where she was. We called an ambulance she was taken to Dr. Phillips hosp and she had 3 seizures. It turned out the cancer had spread to the brain quicker and more than they had thought.  She was in 3 different hospitals in Fla ( all more amazing than the next) for a month until we flew her home on an air ambulance. My brother and I were taking turns flying back and forth to Fla. (we are from NY)  The time we had with her in Disney was amazing. We had dinner in the castle the first night and we made it to the Halloween party the second. I am grateful my children will have those memories of her. She passed away after midnight on Thanksgiving. It has been rough and I feel so sorry for my dad. I miss her more and more each day. I could not believe when I saw this thread. Thanks for letting me share. I will keep you all in my thoughts.


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## Shelly F - Ohio

The first round of holidays without a loved one can be very tough and you made it though it   Even though she was not here physically she was here and always will be. She is watching over you. 



KristiMc said:


> I lost my mom on June 9, 2009.  It has been hard.  Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.  Her birthday would have been this past Tuesday so we had the holidays and then birthday back to back.


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## Microcell

Carol17 said:


> My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in April 1987, and died 3 days after my 16th birthday on January 8 1988. Seeing her quickly slipping away through that Christmas was very difficult to watch. I was very close to my mom, and have felt so alone since she has been gone. Christmas has been such a sad time for me for many,many years. It was always a reminder of watching my mom dying. It is just in the last couple of years that I have started to appreciate Christmas again. Going to Disney and seeing all the beautiful decorations, and frankly, being able to get away from home has helped me get through the season. Even after all these years, I still miss my mom and think of her every day. It is such a huge loss and has changed me and my life in so many ways.
> 
> It's kind of nice to be able to write this here, because after 23 years, I feel like I'm not allowed to be sad anymore.



I know just about exactly how you feel..

I lost my mom Dec 16, 1988, two days after my 16th birthday very suddenly of a heart attack. I am going on 23 years of not liking my birthday or Christmas. Glad you can get away and I bet that would help me too, but my DH works retail so we are stuck at home or being with his family on Christmas. I feel sad every year during that time especially so you are not alone!


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## shelbys mommy

I lost my dad to suicide Sept. 2, 2000. I lost my best friend, my entire world when my mom died on May 10, 2005. She had Leukemia. I was not pregnant for my daughter at the time, but I told her that I knew why she was leaving me & that she was going take care of Shelby for me til it was Shelby's time to be with us. She smiled & nodded yes. I told her to tell Shelby that I love her & that I will see her soon. My mom smiled again. She took my hand, looked at me & went to Heaven not long after. It was the most beautiful moments in my life & I cherish it always. Fast forward 2 1/2 years & I'm pregnant. 4 days after what would have been my mom's 48th birthday & the day after my 28th birthday, we found out that the baby was a girl. My mom sent me my Shelby! My mom's name was Lisa with the middle name Ann. My princess' name is Shelby Lisa-Ann. I cry all the time. I miss her so much. I have 2 boys & my mom wanted me to have a girl I think more than I did. One of Shelby's nicknames is my angel.


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## JandJ

Big hugs to all 

I lost my mom unexpectedly in June 2005, just 4 months before my wedding. She was only 65. We were so close it was ridiculous! There were so many times that we didn't even have to speak - we just knew what the other one was thinking. We had so many inside jokes that I'm sure we drove other people crazy with our giggle fits and silly faces. I miss that connection with her so much.

The last thing mom and I did together was buy my wedding gown. The gown came in (over a month early), on the day my mom passed away. I went for the fitting the next day with 2 friends and just cried and cried. Thank God for my now-husband or I would never have made it through that first year.

Mom and I went shopping together and out to lunch all the time. Even when I lived at home in my 20's we spoke on the phone a few times a day and had dinner together, with my father, every night. I moved to Orlando in 2004 and mom and I were on the phone at least 4 times a day, every day, and saw each other at least one weekend a month. A week after she passed I was in Target, looking at a skirt, and thought "will this look o.k. on me?" and instinctively dialed mom. She was my clothes critic my entire life! Of course it went right to VM. I lost it. Right there in Target. I called then-DF and he talked me through it. It was horrible. I've had a lot of times like that in the last 4 years, but it does get a little easier with time. Mom was Christmas! That first Christmas without her, DH took me away to Savannah. We stayed in a little B&B and I got through that holiday. I would not have made it through if I'd been with my daddy and siblings.

I volunteer at Hospice and attended a class for adult daughters who have lost a parent (I've lost both) and our counselor said it best - You never get over it, but it becomes a part of you, and you learn to live with it.


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## Twende

I am so sorry for all your losses.  This entire thread needs a tissue warning.  You are all witting such very touching things about your mothers!

I have lost my mother too but not in the same way as all of you.  My mother was the most incredible being who was so giving and hard working.  She was a fantastic parent and grandmother, and just plain one of my favorite people!

She left me slowly, bit by bit, piece by piece until all that I loved and cherished was gone.  She has Alzheimer's.   It is an unforgiving disease.

*I miss my mom.*  I do not know the difficult preschooler who now has possession of her body and mind.


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## ACDSNY

Twende said:


> I am so sorry for all your losses. This entire thread needs a tissue warning. You are all witting such very touching things about your mothers!
> 
> I have lost my mother too but not in the same way as all of you. My mother was the most incredible being who was so giving and hard working. She was a fantastic parent and grandmother, and just plain one of my favorite people!
> 
> She left me slowly, bit by bit, piece by piece until all that I loved and cherished was gone. She has Alzheimer's. It is an unforgiving disease.
> 
> *I miss my mom.* I do not know the difficult preschooler who now has possession of her body and mind.


 
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this.  I lost my grandmother to Alzheimer's so I understand what you mean about it being a slow drawn out process until the person that's is left is no longer the person you knew.

I also agree this thread needs a tissue warning.


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## JandJ

Twende - I am so sorry for what you are going through. It must be like losing the person twice - once while their body is still here and then when they leave this Earth.


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## circhead

I'm so sorry for everyone's loss.  I lost my mom Nov. 12, 1984 she was buried 3 days later on my 26th birthday.  I still miss her.  

She was the warmest, most caring person I have ever known.  10 years before she died, my brother was murdered and buried on Halloween.  (I don't really look forward to any of the big holidays even to this day.  I go into a funk that starts in October and I never seem to shake until after Christmas every year.)  I turned 16 2 weeks after we buried my brother, and when I got up that morning my mom had a huge bouquet of flowers and a special charm my grandmother had left her to give me on my 16th birthday.  I looked at her and said "Are you kidding, how did you ever remember all of this?"  She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, " Michael, I can't do anything for anymore he's in God's hands.  But you, Your're still here and what kind of mother would I be if I let your 16th birthday go without a word or a gesture?".


God, I still miss her and I'm so sorry everytime I look at my 3 kids (now mostly grown) and know that my mom never saw any of them and what is missing from their lives not being able to have had her as part of it.


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## shoes99

Wow, so glad I came across this post today.  I lost my Mom in 2001 due to complications due to early onset alzheimers.  *Tomorrow January 23rd is her **birthday*.  She was sick for 13 years and in a nursing home for her last 4 years.  I miss her terribly. She got sick at age 66 and died at age 79.
One of my best trips with her was our last trip to WDW together... The illness was so new to us that I almost lost her near Universal when she walked out of our 1st floor Holiday Inn room, but my memories of that trip will last forever.
Hugs to everyone .....
Michele


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## Shelly F - Ohio

At this very minute I want to be with my mom. I would give anything to be dead right now. God life is so hard. I have not been happy in a very long time. I would love to not wake up in the morning.


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## kimis

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> At this very minute I want to be with my mom. I would give anything to be dead right now. God life is so hard. I have not been happy in a very long time. I would love to not wake up in the morning.



Shelly HANG IN THERE!!!!!  Life can be very hard sometimes but it gets better.  Is there someone---a couseler, pastor, friend--- you can talk too!  Others need you to wake up in the morning!  If your mom passed recently than call hospice they have couseling.  Just talk to someone.  I know when I feel alone (mom passed three years ago and dad passed three weeks ago) i reach out to God.  You aren't alone!


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## Shelly F - Ohio

My mom passed in 1993. I am suppose to start a new job in the morning and now i think its not the job for me. For the past 3 years I have worked part time and enjoyed it. Now this job is full time and I am not ready to make that switch. I had been working at a job where we had flex time so I did not have to worry about traveling in the bad weather and getting to work on time. Now I will. Although I will on be working 10 miles from home verses my old job that was 30 miles from home. 
I am really headed in the direction of not going in the morning. 

Life is just so hard. I had dealing with all this change. I would really rather not deal with it or life anymore.


----------



## moepanz

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> Oh my.. to you.
> Hang in there. The first year without her will be the toughest but when you feel sad look back on the good times you had. And know that she is with you everyday.



Shelly F. Above is what you said to me about my post. I know it is tough and I have been having a rough couple of days as well but, I know and I feel it will get better. I have had a lot of things to keep me occupied since my mothers death. Not all good. I just have to keep going and so do you. I know my mom, and I am sure your mom too would not want you to feel the way you feel tonight. It is hard. Some days better than others but there are some good days and I hope tomorrow is a good one for you. Please keep in touch!


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## circhead

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> My mom passed in 1993. I am suppose to start a new job in the morning and now i think its not the job for me. For the past 3 years I have worked part time and enjoyed it. Now this job is full time and I am not ready to make that switch. I had been working at a job where we had flex time so I did not have to worry about traveling in the bad weather and getting to work on time. Now I will. Although I will on be working 10 miles from home verses my old job that was 30 miles from home.
> I am really headed in the direction of not going in the morning.
> 
> Life is just so hard. I had dealing with all this change. I would really rather not deal with it or life anymore.


 
Shelly there is a time in life that I also have felt this way. My younger years were horrible. My dad was an abusive alcoholic, My earliest memory of him is being thrown through a window at the age of 4. I had a brother murdered when he was only 18, I hesitate to say this because it's sooooo personal and not something I really want to share on this wide open forum but here goes - I am a rape survivor, I nursed my mother through her last illness (pancreatic cancer) and can still cry over some of the things that happpened during it. I remember bathing her and her saying she was the mom and the one suypposed to be taking care of me - I told her it was just my turn. I went to counseling and learned to let go of all the anger and pain. I truly believe that God doesn't send us more than we can handle but there have been times I've yelled at Him and reminded Him I'm not as strong as He thinks I am. 

Please realize that you will get through whatever troubles you are having and life really is worth enjoying!  I met my husband of 28 years after the drama of my childhood and he truly is a gift from God to me.


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## PrincessSuzanne

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> At this very minute I want to be with my mom. I would give anything to be dead right now. God life is so hard. I have not been happy in a very long time. I would love to not wake up in the morning.





kimis said:


> Shelly HANG IN THERE!!!!!  Life can be very hard sometimes but it gets better.  Is there someone---a couseler, pastor, friend--- you can talk too!  Others need you to wake up in the morning!  If your mom passed recently than call hospice they have couseling.  Just talk to someone.  I know when I feel alone (mom passed three years ago and dad passed three weeks ago) i reach out to God.  You aren't alone!



Shelley, all I can offer right now is this . I am thinking about you right now and hope you decided to go into your new job, they can be very scary, but exciting.  I had to change from nights to days last summer and move to a different location with new people and that was very hard for me, I don't do well around new people and an very shy, but it all worked out very well and I am very happy with my job now.

I know I will have some of the same feelings you have now, later this week, Feb 11 is my mom's birthday, the second one since I lost her and it will again be very difficult. Now, I don't wish I was with her, that would hurt so many of the people that love me and need me here, but I sure wish I could give her a hug, My supervisor's birthday is the same day, so I will just bake a cake for her and hope it helps me through.

Suzanne


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## Shelly F - Ohio

OMG its like working for Hitler... No breaks, on my feet all day, don't get caught sitting or you will get reported,  no drinks allow accept during lunch in the lunch room. It is just horrible.

 Hubby said to not go back. Since my old job had cut my hours to 1-2 days a week because they had nothing for me to do is the reason why I wanted to leave. So it was no big lose for me. Hubby said to go and volunteer which is what I had said back in Nov when the cutting of hours occured. 

I really truely think I was having preminitions about this place and that is why I was having a hard time going to it in the first place


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## PrincessSuzanne

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> OMG its like working for Hitler... No breaks, on my feet all day, don't get caught sitting or you will get reported,  no drinks allow accept during lunch in the lunch room. It is just horrible.
> 
> Hubby said to not go back. Since my old job had cut my hours to 1-2 days a week because they had nothing for me to do is the reason why I wanted to leave. So it was no big lose for me. Hubby said to go and volunteer which is what I had said back in Nov when the cutting of hours occured.
> 
> I really truely think I was having preminitions about this place and that is why I was having a hard time going to it in the first place




That is just unreal, I worked in a doctors office like that one time and it was horrible and I am a larger girl and standing just about killed my feet, I stil suffer today because of it, I was glad when they let me go, but that was back in 1997 if I remember correctly. Employers need to realize they can't treat people like that, I guess they figure there are desperate people they can replace you easily. I wouldn't go back if I didn't HAVE to.

I am glad to "hear" that you sound better today.

Suzanne


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## Shelly F - Ohio

Glad someone else out there has experience the same thing Suzanne. 

So what kind of cake will you be baking for your supervisor Suzanne?

I'm going to the hospital on Friday to do some volunteer work. That should help my spirits.


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## jennz

to everyone...losing my mom was like having a piece of me ripped out.  She died from ovarian cancer April 29, 2009.  She taught me so much.  I really miss her, and I'm sad that my daughter, who is 11, will not have her in her life.   I live in Indiana and my parents are in Orlando.  We were lucky, my mom was diagnosed as having 2 weeks to live so we had precious days with her.  She was coherent and talking up until she got her morphine.  It was SO HARD to go back down to stay with my dad, just being in "her" house.  She worked at WDW, and so did I for a while...I haven't been able to want to go back.  Sorry, just  really bad day.  My dr. put me on lexapro which really helped me - I think I need to refill it. Seriously.


----------



## circhead

Shelley,

Glad to hear your spirits seem to be lifting. 

Your hubby sounds like a great guy for telling you to not go back. He put you first.

Enjoy your time volunteering at the hospital!


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## Shelly F - Ohio

Jennz   why are you having a bad day today? Is it because of all this nasty snow we are getting and how glummy it is outside? 
Just thing Spring is around the corner. 



jennz said:


> to everyone...losing my mom was like having a piece of me ripped out.  She died from ovarian cancer April 29, 2009.  She taught me so much.  I really miss her, and I'm sad that my daughter, who is 11, will not have her in her life.   I live in Indiana and my parents are in Orlando.  We were lucky, my mom was diagnosed as having 2 weeks to live so we had precious days with her.  She was coherent and talking up until she got her morphine.  It was SO HARD to go back down to stay with my dad, just being in "her" house.  She worked at WDW, and so did I for a while...I haven't been able to want to go back.  Sorry, just  really bad day.  My dr. put me on lexapro which really helped me - I think I need to refill it. Seriously.


----------



## jennz

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> Jennz   why are you having a bad day today? Is it because of all this nasty snow we are getting and how glummy it is outside?
> Just thing Spring is around the corner.



  Thanks for the laugh!  It is definitely glummy outside isn't it?!  No it's not the snow, I really think it's because I still need my lexapro!  The past 3 days have been bad, and I've been of it a few weeks b/c it's so darn expensive!  I did fill it and pick it up this afternoon.  It's SO HARD losing my mom, so much changes...you know, your mom is your harshest critic but also your biggest cheerleader - who's known you better or longer?   It was a year ago I started going back and forth between Indy and Orlando, my mom had a knee replacement surgery and my dad was diagnosed with stomach cancer - he is fine now but actually had surgery today to have a stint put in - I guess it's timing, remembering...I don't know, rambling on and on.

Did you quit your job??


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## Amy&Dan

I just found this thread and it makes me so sad to see so many of us dealing with the loss our mothers.  Yet also comforting to see I am not alone (I only have one friend in real life who has lost a mom).

I lost my mom in January of 2008, as hard as I thought it would be, its been so much harder.  She and I had a very close bond dating back to when I was seven and my dad died.  

The first year was for sure the hardest thing I have dealt with to date.  But even as time has passed, its amazing at how raw it can still feel.  Its funny, she was very close to her mom and I remember when my grandmother died thinking that someday that would be me, missing and grieving for my mom.  Now that day is here and nothing can really prepare you for it.


----------



## Shelly F - Ohio

Glad to hear you got your meds refilled. Do you have the option to mail order your meds? This can save you some money.. 

Yes Mom's can be an enemy by being very critical but more so they are our rock. Mom's guide us, mentor us, and know how to make it all better. So it makes it hard to deal with a lot of lifes issues when Mom is gone. 

Long story short I quit my job that I had been at for nearly 2 years to take a job that was closer to home. I was commuting 60 miles rt and wanted something closer to home. My hours were cut to 2 days a week and sometimes there was not work for me so they would send me home at 11 a.m.

I found a clerical job at a health care facility but after day one I know this was not a job I would work at for very long. I am not use to standing all day-have had knee issues and 2 surgeries - so standing all day is not possible. You know from taking Lexapro that it makes you very thirsty and I drive a lot of water through out the day. And they had a rule no drinks at your desk. Plus there are no breaks other than lunch! So without further a do I quit. I did not want to have to list a short term job on any future applications so I felt it was best to quit. This way I would be free to job search and interview. 

Now I am dealing with being unemployed and being sad because I don't feel that I worthy person.  I just don't want to deal with this and would rather be dead. I really thought the night before last I would not wake up in the morning. I really want to end it all. Life is so cruel. 



jennz said:


> Thanks for the laugh!  It is definitely glummy outside isn't it?!  No it's not the snow, I really think it's because I still need my lexapro!  The past 3 days have been bad, and I've been of it a few weeks b/c it's so darn expensive!  I did fill it and pick it up this afternoon.  It's SO HARD losing my mom, so much changes...you know, your mom is your harshest critic but also your biggest cheerleader - who's known you better or longer?   It was a year ago I started going back and forth between Indy and Orlando, my mom had a knee replacement surgery and my dad was diagnosed with stomach cancer - he is fine now but actually had surgery today to have a stint put in - I guess it's timing, remembering...I don't know, rambling on and on.
> 
> Did you quit your job??


----------



## Shelly F - Ohio

Amy - I don't think that we could have ever been prepared to deal with losing a Mom. Mom's are our rock. She always had an answer for our issues, she knew just what to do. I think everyday what would my mom be like today. I certainly would not feel this bad.  



Amy&Dan said:


> I just found this thread and it makes me so sad to see so many of us dealing with the loss our mothers.  Yet also comforting to see I am not alone (I only have one friend in real life who has lost a mom).
> 
> I lost my mom in January of 2008, as hard as I thought it would be, its been so much harder.  She and I had a very close bond dating back to when I was seven and my dad died.
> 
> The first year was for sure the hardest thing I have dealt with to date.  But even as time has passed, its amazing at how raw it can still feel.  Its funny, she was very close to her mom and I remember when my grandmother died thinking that someday that would be me, missing and grieving for my mom.  Now that day is here and nothing can really prepare you for it.


----------



## jennz

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> Glad to hear you got your meds refilled. Do you have the option to mail order your meds? This can save you some money..
> 
> Yes Mom's can be an enemy by being very critical but more so they are our rock. Mom's guide us, mentor us, and know how to make it all better. So it makes it hard to deal with a lot of lifes issues when Mom is gone.
> 
> Long story short I quit my job that I had been at for nearly 2 years to take a job that was closer to home. I was commuting 60 miles rt and wanted something closer to home. My hours were cut to 2 days a week and sometimes there was not work for me so they would send me home at 11 a.m.
> 
> I found a clerical job at a health care facility but after day one I know this was not a job I would work at for very long. I am not use to standing all day-have had knee issues and 2 surgeries - so standing all day is not possible. You know from taking Lexapro that it makes you very thirsty and I drive a lot of water through out the day. And they had a rule no drinks at your desk. Plus there are no breaks other than lunch! So without further a do I quit. I did not want to have to list a short term job on any future applications so I felt it was best to quit. This way I would be free to job search and interview.
> 
> Now I am dealing with being unemployed and being sad because I don't feel that I worthy person.  I just don't want to deal with this and would rather be dead. I really thought the night before last I would not wake up in the morning. I really want to end it all. Life is so cruel.



Oh Shelly  It makes me sad to hear that you are so sad.  Does your husband help?  Is there someone you have been talking to?  After my mom passed away I was a hermit for a few months, it was very hard and still is.  Honestly I'm not sure if I wouldn't still be in bed every day if I didn't have my 11 year old dd that I HAVE to get going for.  It was probably 6 months until I went out with a friend again, and I didn't want to do that either, I made myself.  Manged to get myself kicked out of my bunco group by not going!  

I did NOT know that about lexapro and have been so thirsty today!!!!!  Wow, thanks!! Now I know why.


----------



## PrincessSuzanne

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> Glad someone else out there has experience the same thing Suzanne.
> 
> So what kind of cake will you be baking for your supervisor Suzanne?
> 
> I'm going to the hospital on Friday to do some volunteer work. That should help my spirits.




If I can find my mom's cookbook, I am going to bake a carrot cake, with a buttermilk glaze icing, oh so yummy and better for you instead of the cream cheese icing.

Suzanne


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## circhead

Suzanne - would it be possible for me to get that icing recipie?  I love carrot cake and make it all the time - but we almost never ice it anymore because it's great without it and I think that the cream cheese icing is so heavy.


I don't know if your recipie includes this but I put a can of crushed pineapple in the batter and it adds such a nice taste and texture to it.  

Thanks.


----------



## PrincessSuzanne

circhead said:


> Suzanne - would it be possible for me to get that icing recipie?  I love carrot cake and make it all the time - but we almost never ice it anymore because it's great without it and I think that the cream cheese icing is so heavy.
> 
> 
> I don't know if your recipie includes this but I put a can of crushed pineapple in the batter and it adds such a nice taste and texture to it.
> 
> Thanks.



As soon as I find the cookbook, I will be happy to share it. I don't think it is really a traditional carrot cake, cause it tastes different, but much better. I don't care much for pineapple, so I couldn't add that. This cake is made in either a bundt pan or loaf pans, because you have to poke holes in it, so the glaze can soak in.

I have to quickly find that cook book.

I think this is it:

Black Walnut Carrot Cake with Buttermilk Glaze

*
Preheat oven to 350 F.
Grease a 10-inch tube pan.

Mix tegether:
  3 C grated carrots
  4 eggs
  1 1/2 C oil
  2 C sugar
  2 C sifted flour
  1 C chopped black walnuts
  1 tsp vanilla
  1/4 tsp black walnut extract
  1 tsp cinnamon.

Bake 90 minutes.

Remove from oven and, while cake is still hot, glaze with:

Buttermilk Glaze

Blend well:
  1/2 C buttermilk
  1 C sifted powdered sugar
  1/2 tsp baking soda
  1 Tbl white corn syrup.

Pour on top of hot cake.  Let stand for 1 hour.  Remove
cake from pan and serve.



Suzanne


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## Shelly F - Ohio

My hubby does help but when he is at work is when I get really really sad. The only person I have to talk to are my 3 kitties. They keep me company. 

Most anti depressants can make you thirsty. Try sucking on sugar free candy to help. I find I need to use more chapstick too. 

YA The Boss is sending my Hubby home early because of the weather. 




jennz said:


> Oh Shelly  It makes me sad to hear that you are so sad.  Does your husband help?  Is there someone you have been talking to?  After my mom passed away I was a hermit for a few months, it was very hard and still is.  Honestly I'm not sure if I wouldn't still be in bed every day if I didn't have my 11 year old dd that I HAVE to get going for.  It was probably 6 months until I went out with a friend again, and I didn't want to do that either, I made myself.  Manged to get myself kicked out of my bunco group by not going!
> 
> I did NOT know that about lexapro and have been so thirsty today!!!!!  Wow, thanks!! Now I know why.


----------



## circhead

PrincessSuzanne said:


> As soon as I find the cookbook, I will be happy to share it. I don't think it is really a traditional carrot cake, cause it tastes different, but much better. I don't care much for pineapple, so I couldn't add that. This cake is made in either a bundt pan or loaf pans, because you have to poke holes in it, so the glaze can soak in.
> 
> 
> Suzanne


 
Thank you so much for the recipie. It sounds delicious. If I can find the time I'm gonna make it this weekend.


----------



## PrincessSuzanne

circhead said:


> Thank you so much for the recipie. It sounds delicious. If I can find the time I'm gonna make it this weekend.



You're welcome. I did find my original cookbook and this is the same recipe and I am also hoping ot make it this weekend. I tore the darn house up looking for it all weekend and found it Monday evening, it has fallen down between the cabinets and the fridge, go figure.

Suzanne


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## lookingforward

to you all!
I lost my beautiful, kind, loving mother on June 16, 2008 from a stroke. She was gone in a week just after I had finished chemo for breast cancer. She saw me through my treatment and was my best friend. 
I miss her every day, still cry every day, and hope and pray that I will see her again when I die. 
Recently Sandra Bullock made a speech at the Oscars in Helga B's memory(her mom) and I just lost it because my mom's name was Helga G. There is nothing like a mother's love, no love is stronger!
My mom was only 69 years old when she passed away. I miss her.....


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## Shelly F - Ohio

With Easter right around the corner that means Mother's day will be here before you know it. 
What plans do you have to celebrate your Mom this year? 
As for me I am not sure yet.


----------



## kimis

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> With Easter right around the corner that means Mother's day will be here before you know it.
> What plans do you have to celebrate your Mom this year?
> As for me I am not sure yet.



Mothers Day is very hard for me but most people wouldn't know it if they saw me.  My bestfriend-MOM has been gone for a little over three years.   I usually let balloons go for her--don't ask me why I just do.  I miss her so much and others have no idea.   My dad passed away two months ago today also.  Can you be an orphan at 53?    My prayers are with all of us who have lost a parent/s.


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## PrincessSuzanne

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> With Easter right around the corner that means Mother's day will be here before you know it.
> What plans do you have to celebrate your Mom this year?
> As for me I am not sure yet.



 Easter will be hard for me as well, mom and I loved Easter. Mother's Day has been really hard for me since I can't have children, but it got alot harder after I lost mom and it might be tougher this year since DH has to work that weekend, he usually keeps me in check. I don't know what I will do, it is hard to go to the cemetary and I won't go by myself.



kimis said:


> Mothers Day is very hard for me but most people wouldn't know it if they saw me.  My bestfriend-MOM has been gone for a little over three years.   I usually let balloons go for her--don't ask me why I just do.  I miss her so much and others have no idea.   My dad passed away two months ago today also.  Can you be an orphan at 53?    My prayers are with all of us who have lost a parent/s.



I became as orphan at 35, and it wasn't because both parents are deceased, my father walked out on us when I was 9 months old. My grandparents are also gone and so is my favorite aunt. It is hard to be parentless, even if you are an adult 

Suzanne


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## iluveeyore

Thank you for starting this thread.  I still miss my mom, my best friend even thought it's been a while.  I lost her in January, 1996 when she was only 47 years old.  My third child, my only daughter was only 6 months old and never got to meet the most wonderful woman on the planet.  Mom had a hysterectomy in Nov./95, got an infection and ended up on life support for six weeks over Christmas, her favourite time of year. It took many years to get through Christmas without her.  Now my sister and I have our Christmases with as much energy and celebrating as Mom used to do in her honour and to show my kids how much fun and wonderful their Grandma was.  
I miss her every day even though so much time has passed.  I think it makes my daughter and I closer because we realize how precious our time together is - I wasn't a bad teenager, but I spent more time with my friends and boyfriend (now husband) than my mom when I lived at home, and wish now I'd given her more attention.  If we only knew when we would lose a loved one, we'd make every minute count more, wouldn't we???
Hugs to all of you who have lost your Mom and hopefully we all live our lives remembering them and making them proud


----------



## ckdsnynt

circhead said:


> Suzanne - would it be possible for me to get that icing recipie?  I love carrot cake and make it all the time - but we almost never ice it anymore because it's great without it and I think that the cream cheese icing is so heavy.
> 
> 
> I don't know if your recipie includes this but I put a can of crushed pineapple in the batter and it adds such a nice taste and texture to it.
> 
> Thanks.



I would love to have the icing recipie too! I also add the pineapple to my carrot cake. That is my DH's favorite cake.


My DM passed away in January 2008 from complications of diabetes combined with the nursing home she was in not taking care of her when they found her. I go by the cemetary every day on the way to my house from work. Sometimes I would like to sell this house and move so I wouldn't have to go by there. But I know if I don't take care of her gravesite no one else will.

I don't know why I posted here. We all seem like such lost souls...

Maybe it gets easier, but not by much.


----------



## Shelly F - Ohio

I too don't have any kids so what we do for Mothers day is celebrate Wifes Day. I may not be a mom but I am a wife and I provide the same love and caring that a mom does. DH gets me a card and flowers and tells me how much he appreciates all that I do for him. Then we go to the cemetary to visit my mom. Same thing for Fathers day we celebrate Husband's Day. 

Suzanne would there be a way you and your DH could go to the cemetry a few days before Mothers Day? Your Mom would like for you to visit and she knows how hard it is for you. So if you go before Mothers day she will understand. That way on Mothers day you won't have to go there by yourself and you will at least feel good knowing you did go a few days before hand. 




PrincessSuzanne said:


> Easter will be hard for me as well, mom and I loved Easter. Mother's Day has been really hard for me since I can't have children, but it got alot harder after I lost mom and it might be tougher this year since DH has to work that weekend, he usually keeps me in check. I don't know what I will do, it is hard to go to the cemetary and I won't go by myself.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I became as orphan at 35, and it wasn't because both parents are deceased, my father walked out on us when I was 9 months old. My grandparents are also gone and so is my favorite aunt. It is hard to be parentless, even if you are an adult
> 
> Suzanne


----------



## Shelly F - Ohio

for you.  You posted here because you share a common thing with all of us. We have all experience the same things you are. We all understand what you are feeling and going through. We are glad to have you here.

Yes it can be hard to drive by. I use to work about two miles from the cemetry and sometimes on my lunch hour I would drive down and eat my lunch in the car. I felt as though I was having lunch with Mom. Sometimes the work day was so hectic that it was nice to get away and go to the cemetry where it was quiet and peaceful. 



ckdsnynt said:


> I would love to have the icing recipie too! I also add the pineapple to my carrot cake. That is my DH's favorite cake.
> 
> 
> My DM passed away in January 2008 from complications of diabetes combined with the nursing home she was in not taking care of her when they found her. I go by the cemetary every day on the way to my house from work. Sometimes I would like to sell this house and move so I wouldn't have to go by there. But I know if I don't take care of her gravesite no one else will.
> 
> I don't know why I posted here. We all seem like such lost souls...
> 
> Maybe it gets easier, but not by much.


----------



## ktdaiwik

I just lost my mum on the 24th March 2010.I am dreading Mothers Day...
She died 2 days after our little man turned 6.He got to spend his Birthday at the hospital with her.We arrived back in Australia from Canada not a week before she passed.People tell me how lucky I was to be with her,but don't understand how hard the last 2 days were before she passed away....
It is so hard to say I don't have a mum here and I feel so lost without her,especially now we are back in Canada and I can't just phone her...
hugs Kate


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## 3happydancers

It will be just 10 months since I lost my mom.  It feels like it was just yesterday.  The last 8 months of her life was spent suffering.  She had emergency open heart surgery (quadrupal bypass) and lost all kidney function.  The last months of her life was spent hooked up to a dialysis machine which made her extremely sick and weak.  On 6/13/09 she was once again rushed to the hospital only to find out that her aeorta was tearing but she was so unstable that they could not attempt to save her.  My mom also suffered from diabetes.

My mom and I were very close.  I could always depend on her for advice, support, and a good laugh.  When my mom died so did a part of me.  A big void now fills that spot.  I still spend countless times just sobbing...

And this past weekend, my younger brother was found at his home not breathing.  He is now on a repirator with kidney failure, stage 2 liver failure and sepsis, a blood infection as well as pheumonia.  The doctors give very little hope.

Thanks for listening


----------



## rachelanne

I feel like i want to wrap us all in a big snuggly blanket,my mum died a few weeks ago in a car accident by a drunk driver,i never got to say goodbye and it feels like a door slammed shut in my face, i ache *** i will never see her in this life again, but you know what i think if she were here now, she would say come on ive shown u this far,we walked together this far,im still with you,but you got to do this next part with me just watching you,so come on lets give our mums something good to see, dry our tears and be proud that our mums were that special, and we were so lucky to have them,im blessed to have journeyed with this happy,friendly woman for forty years and im damn sure im not gonna meet her when i go, without a few good stories of what ive done since,so be brave girls and be your mothers daughters


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## shellabell

My mom died 29 years ago; she was 39 and I was 12. She had polycystic kidneys but died of a brain aneurysm. We found out afterward that 10% of people with the disease have aneurysms; she was never checked. 

I had a really hard time turning 39; it was something I was dreading for such a long time. It was really sad to realize how young she really was. When I was little I thought almost 40 was pretty old Of course when I got there I realized how little time she actually had. I turned 42 last week and I had that moment of realizing that she never saw this age and I had a wave of sadness.

I always thought it would get easier but in a lot of ways it gets harder. Though I find some kind of strange comfort in the fact that I will never see her health or mind fail. 

I do wonder what it would have been like to go through the teenage and young adult years with her in my life and in what ways my brother and I would be different.

My thoughts and prayers to all in this club.


----------



## Pumpkingirl7

I'm new to this thread.  I lost my mother in June10, 2009 after a long illness and liver transplant.  She survived the transplant and was on a path to recovery but 6 weeks later she had a heart attack.  I miss her so much.  

My father has mentioned he would like to start dating again. I'm not sure how to react to that.  Anyone else have any thoughts? They were married for 30 years and I know it would break my mothers heart to have her replaced so quickly.


----------



## rachelanne

It is hard on you but must be awful lonely for your dad to.He has probably been so used to being part of a couple and just wants to fill an empty place in him,he doesnt want to replace your wonderful mum, just to find a bit of normality.I dont know about you but i keep thinking ive got my head around her going and then the smallest thing sets you right back.
He will be feeling the same, trying anything to numb how he is feeling,try and be your best self and try not to judge him to harshly, you both need each other still,so be each others friend,im sure you are a great comfort to him


----------



## FeelsLikeHome

With Mother's Day coming up, I thought I would visit this thread.  Hugs to everyone who has lost their mom!    My mom died a couple of years ago around Mother's Day.  Some days, it feels like I'm still in denial.

After my mom passed, I felt let down by my 'real life' friends.  Maybe my expectations were too high, but I expected them to be there for me afterwards.  Thanks for starting this thread.  It's comforting to talk to others who understand.  I can't say things have gotten better over the last two years.. it's more like I've just gotten used to things being the way they are.  

DH and I went to visit the cemetary once.  Unexpectedly, I completely lost it and sobbed- loudly!  I feel so guilty that I haven't been to visit, but I just can't face it quite yet.  Walking around in denial works for now...


----------



## kimis

My mom passed away three and a half years ago and is buried in our home town.  This is the first year I will get to visit her grave on Mothers Day and I am a little concerned about it.  I miss her so much still!  My dad just passed away 3 months ago too.  This is a hard holiday for a lot of people so you all are in my prayers!


----------



## Pumpkingirl7

My mother's grave is 2 hrs away.  I've only been once this year.  Sometimes I wish I could visit by myself but its far out in a wooded area so I usually have my DH with me.  I feel bad that I don't go often but then I realize that it isn't they way I like to remember her and she wouldn't want me to be sobbing over a piece of concrete and dirt. My 2 yr old son only went once and every time we pass a cemetary he says "bub bub" and I have to tell him that bub bub isn't there but in heaven with jesus.


----------



## rachelanne

Thinking of all on this board tonight,hope everyone ok and coping, dont know why we have been dealt this hand,but sending everyone a big hug and just hang on in there


----------



## Teacher03

My mom died 3 and a half years ago from pancreatic cancer.  Her gravesite is only 20 minutes away, but I don't visit it often.  I just don't feel like that has anything to do with my mom; it just doesn't mean anything to me.  My sister feels the opposite, so everyone grieves differently.  I never stop missing her and think of her everyday.  But it does get easier.


----------



## MrsHeg

I don't think it's a coincidence that I found this thread the day before Mother's Day, I lost my Mom to breast cancer October 5th, 2001.  
Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, and often find myself shedding a few tears.

Love You Mom!


----------



## minniecarousel

I miss my Mom so much today. Yesterday was Mother's Day and I did real well all day. I couldn't get to sleep and today it's really hit hard. She's been gone for for 40 days. She was 93 years old and had lived with DH & me for the past 9 years. She was always here. She's not here anymore and I miss her terribly.


----------



## momofboyz

I lost my mom on December 15, 2009, the day after DS#2's bday.  She was on a list for a liver transplant, but never made it.  

It has been a very rough few months, because her and I were very close.  Yesterday was very hard for me.  The boys and I took a pink flamingo up to her grave,(she loved flamingos).


----------



## jennz

minniecarousel said:


> I miss my Mom so much today. Yesterday was Mother's Day and I did real well all day. I couldn't get to sleep and today it's really hit hard. She's been gone for for 40 days. She was 93 years old and had lived with DH & me for the past 9 years. She was always here. She's not here anymore and I miss her terribly.







momofboyz said:


> I lost my mom on December 15, 2009, the day after DS#2's bday.  She was on a list for a liver transplant, but never made it.
> 
> It has been a very rough few months, because her and I were very close.  Yesterday was very hard for me.  The boys and I took a pink flamingo up to her grave,(she loved flamingos).





I'm so so sorry for you both, I wish I could give you both big hugs.  It is so very very hard and hard to talk to with people who haven't suffered the loss of their mom.  It's not a one-week grieving process.    It's been just over 12 months for me.  It is sadly so true when they talk about the first year being hard.  The year was miserable for me.  If you want to chat please feel free to pm me.  I'll be thinking about you both.


----------



## KristiMc

Missing my mom today and everyday.  She has been gone 1 year today.


----------



## JandJ

KristiMc said:


> Missing my mom today and everyday.  She has been gone 1 year today.



I am so sorry   I wish I could say it gets easier, but, well, while time helps it's still hard on the anniversaries.

Tomorrow my mom will be gone 5 years. Yesterday I was distracted by something at work and there was a question I had and I grabbed for my phone and started to dial mom. That happens a lot less frequently than it used to. It sounds cliche, but try to remember the happy times and celebrate your mom's life. I think that helps. On the anniversaries I do something that we used to do together. Last year I went to Atlanta Bread Co. because mom loved that place. Tomorrow, I'm going to get my hair cut. Mom and I always went together to get "pampered." It won't be an easy day, but I will get through it, and you will too. Take care of yourself.


----------



## PrincessSuzanne

I had one of those missing mom days yesterday. It was my second birthday since she passed away and it was very difficult. But I thought about what she always said about me being her daughter and only child and it made me happy.

Everyday I wear the Mickey watch she bought me for the last birthday we celebrated together and it makes me feel close to her.

Suzanne


----------



## JoiseyMom

I lost my mom 12 years ago on the 11th...it is still hard at times.  My dd13 is graduating middle school on Friday and my oldest DS26 is getting married in Sept...  and these are milestones that I so wish I could share with her.


----------



## Pumpkingirl7

anyone dealing with your father dating after mother's death???


----------



## kimis

Pumpkingirl7 said:


> anyone dealing with your father dating after mother's death???



I did.  I had dad for three years after mom passed.  Well i should say I had to put him in assisted living and then nursing home for his last two years.  He wasn't a nice man so he had a lot of regrets the last few months of his life.  He was totally oppisite of my mom.  I was with him when he passed and miss him also.  I will admit though I don't miss him like I do my mom.  In one week she will have been gone four years and my heart still breaks.  Hang in there and take it one day at a time.


----------



## kathleena

Pumpkingirl7 said:


> anyone dealing with your father dating after mother's death???



Yup dealing with dating, with her moving in with him and living with him for 11 years, with her controlling him and verbally abusing him, with her shutting my sister and I and all of his friends out because she was so jealous of him doing anything with anyone other than her friends, with him paying for her life- buying her cars etc - while she frittered her funds away on her grown grandkids - sending them money when they should be working, and now dealing with him grieving because she has had a stroke and is in a nursing home.

It's been a long and bumpy 12 years................but you know, it was always his choice and just like he stayed out of my decisions I stayed out of his and just made sure he was physically safe and not being stripped bare by her.

Cup of bitter for one please..............


----------



## Pumpkingirl7

OH my! That is everything Im afraid of.  Plus the feeling like she is going to take everything of my mother out of his home.  That she will take him away from spending time with his grandchildren.  UGH-- 

I'm thinking of seeing a shrink before I explode!


----------



## PrincessSuzanne

Well, my father was never in my life (his choice) so I didn't have to deal with that. I do sometimes have a hard time dealing with the orphaned feeling and I am 37, but mom and I were so close. I don't really have anyone to turn to to deal with it and DH doens't understand because he has 4 parents to turn to.

Suzanne


----------



## Pumpkingirl7

I too am dealing with that orphaned feeling as I have no grandmother, aunts, or sisters in my life.


----------



## minniebeth

I feel so much for everyone who has lost their moms~ no matter how old we get, we need our moms!

My mom is still living, but she is in advanced stages of Parkinson's Disease. She is in Hospice care, but I am still grieving in the process of losing her little by little. Three years ago, she went into assisted living, two years ago, nursing care. I live in Ohio, she is in NJ, so it is hard to see her. While her house was for sale, we would still go to stay there, it was still "home". Last year it was sold, and so it was so sad to have nowhere to go "home" to. We were still able to talk on the phone a bit and I could tell her I love her and hear her say it to me. Now she is in a deep sleep all the time, does not eat and cannot talk at all. It won't be much longer for her, but in the mean time, I feel like none of my friends can relate to my sense of loss. I understand that they don't really understand, so I try to be aware of that. (Their moms are much younger than mine, and still an active part of their lives.) 
One of the conversations a friend had with me was about an argument she got into with her mom about who was going to host Thanksgiving dinner.
It was tears and everything from her, and I just sat there thinking how sad that she could even have this conversation with me knowing what I'm going through.

It's crazy how I feel like I'm a little girl who just wants to be held by my mom!

Thanks...


----------



## PrincessSuzanne

minniebeth said:


> I feel so much for everyone who has lost their moms~ no matter how old we get, we need our moms!
> 
> My mom is still living, but she is in advanced stages of Parkinson's Disease. She is in Hospice care, but I am still grieving in the process of losing her little by little. Three years ago, she went into assisted living, two years ago, nursing care. I live in Ohio, she is in NJ, so it is hard to see her. While her house was for sale, we would still go to stay there, it was still "home". Last year it was sold, and so it was so sad to have nowhere to go "home" to. We were still able to talk on the phone a bit and I could tell her I love her and hear her say it to me. Now she is in a deep sleep all the time, does not eat and cannot talk at all. It won't be much longer for her, but in the mean time, I feel like none of my friends can relate to my sense of loss. I understand that they don't really understand, so I try to be aware of that. (Their moms are much younger than mine, and still an active part of their lives.)
> One of the conversations a friend had with me was about an argument she got into with her mom about who was going to host Thanksgiving dinner.
> It was tears and everything from her, and I just sat there thinking how sad that she could even have this conversation with me knowing what I'm going through.
> 
> It's crazy how I feel like I'm a little girl who just wants to be held by my mom!
> 
> Thanks...




 to you minniebeth, I experienced something similar when my grandmother was dying from her Alzheimers, but unlike with mom, I was more happy to see her slip away, because it meant no more pain and struggling for her, because you could see the pain in her face. I mourned her for awhile, but knew she was much better off. 

I still have a hard time since my mom passed so suddenly, not even allowing me time to say good bye. It is not as bad as it had been, but I am starting to tear up as I type this. There are so many times I still look for her to get up and come into the room, especially when I am home alone.

Other people just don't get it do they, unless they have been there.

It's not crazy to feel that way. When Dh has to work and I have a day off, I wish she was still here to spend the day with, because I hate being alone.

Suzanne


----------



## kimis

My mom passed away four years ago today  and my heart feels like it was yesterday.  The pain is still there and probably always will be.  She was truelly my best friend and loved by so many.  My dad passed away 10 months ago from a broken heart I think.   Looking forward to a grand reunion someday though.


----------



## minniebeth

PrincessSuzanne said:


> to you minniebeth, I experienced something similar when my grandmother was dying from her Alzheimers, but unlike with mom, I was more happy to see her slip away, because it meant no more pain and struggling for her, because you could see the pain in her face. I mourned her for awhile, but knew she was much better off.
> 
> I still have a hard time since my mom passed so suddenly, not even allowing me time to say good bye. It is not as bad as it had been, but I am starting to tear up as I type this. There are so many times I still look for her to get up and come into the room, especially when I am home alone.
> 
> Other people just don't get it do they, unless they have been there.
> 
> It's not crazy to feel that way. When Dh has to work and I have a day off, I wish she was still here to spend the day with, because I hate being alone.
> 
> Suzanne



Thank you for your kind words, Suzanne~
As hard as it is for me, I do get to say goodbye. I can't imagine losing a loved one so dear as a mom suddenly without being able to say goodbye.




kimis said:


> My mom passed away four years ago today  and my heart feels like it was yesterday.  The pain is still there and probably always will be.  She was truelly my best friend and loved by so many.  My dad passed away 10 months ago from a broken heart I think.   Looking forward to a grand reunion someday though.



My thoughts are with you!


----------



## PrincessSuzanne

minniebeth said:


> Thank you for your kind words, Suzanne~
> As hard as it is for me, I do get to say goodbye. I can't imagine losing a loved one so dear as a mom suddenly without being able to say goodbye.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> My thoughts are with you!




Thank you, it has been a very difficult road, as I know yours will be, unfortunately, but you do have us here for support.


----------



## LCARDVERO

I'm 49 and still have my 87 year mom which I am grateful for!!

However, I am posting for my 14 year old niece.

She lost her mom when she was 10 years old.  My sister-in-law was divorced and her father took her for 2 years then decided it was took much work and decided "he didn't want her anymore".     She is very aggressive.  It's tough because she is angry, however she's very difficult to handle and no-one really wants the job of raising her.     It's much more complicated.   It's so hard as I try to protect my own daughter as she would beat her up.    She's doing better now that she's older.    Tough times!!!!


----------



## Mad Tea Party

Hello everyone, I lost my mum to throat cancer when I was 5 years old, I remember it all like it was yesterday. It was totally out of the blue. I miss her all the time but at least she isn't suffering anymore. Although my dad has been amazing (he brought up 3 children on his own), I wish she was still here to see us all grow up xxx


----------



## moepanz

Mad Tea Party said:


> Hello everyone, I lost my mum to throat cancer when I was 5 years old, I remember it all like it was yesterday. It was totally out of the blue. I miss her all the time but at least she isn't suffering anymore. Although my dad has been amazing (he brought up 3 children on his own), I wish she was still here to see us all grow up xxx




 Welcome to the thread. I can't imagine what it must have been like growing up without a mom. I was 39 when my mom passed away and I was devastated. I hope you find some comfort here.


----------



## Mad Tea Party

Thank you very much, it wasn't easy at all. We are lucky to have such a big and supportive family


----------



## PrincessSuzanne

I have really been missing my mom this month. I was sick for most of the first 3 weeks of Jan and you know a girl needs her mama when she is sick, mine would wait on me hand and foot when I was sick, so I missed that while sitting home alone. DH just couldn't fill the bill on that one and when he is tired coming in from work, he didn't want to wait on me and most days I couldn't get out of the chair to do more than go to the restroom and refill my drink.

Her birthday is coming up next week and I just hope I can make it thru without too much drama.

Suzanne


----------



## Pumpkingirl7

PrincessSuzanne said:


> I have really been missing my mom this month. I was sick for most of the first 3 weeks of Jan and you know a girl needs her mama when she is sick, mine would wait on me hand and foot when I was sick, so I missed that while sitting home alone. DH just couldn't fill the bill on that one and when he is tired coming in from work, he didn't want to wait on me and most days I couldn't get out of the chair to do more than go to the restroom and refill my drink.
> 
> Her birthday is coming up next week and I just hope I can make it thru without too much drama.
> 
> Suzanne



I know your pain.  I'm 14 weeks pregnant and it is hard to enjoy it without my mom here to support me or be excited about the baby.


----------



## PrincessSuzanne

Pumpkingirl7 said:


> I know your pain.  I'm 14 weeks pregnant and it is hard to enjoy it without my mom here to support me or be excited about the baby.



Congratulations. I gave up trying to have a baby after my mom passed away, because it just seemed like the right thing to do, for us. It just seemed at that point I kept trying for her.

Suzanne


----------



## memster

Hi Everyone, I lost my Mom 2-2-2011 and I will tell ya I just can't get a handle on it. Today was the day I packed her clothes it was one of the hardest things I've had to do. She was my bestfriend, we did everything together. She brought me so much joy and happiness. I can't think about life without that angel in it.


----------



## mikamah

memster said:


> Hi Everyone, I lost my Mom 2-2-2011 and I will tell ya I just can't get a handle on it. Today was the day I packed her clothes it was one of the hardest things I've had to do. She was my bestfriend, we did everything together. She brought me so much joy and happiness. I can't think about life without that angel in it.


I am so sorry for your loss.    It is so very hard and I know you will have some tough times ahead, and it's hard to imagnine right now, but time does heal, and as your heart starts to mend a little, all those wonderful memories of the joy and happiness she brought to your life will bring you smiles again.

I lost my mom in june of 09, and like you we had a great relationship, and the first year was so hard, and on her anniversary we had a mass and honored her with a big party and celebration of her life, and our family and her friends came, and she would have loved it.  It's hard but we know she would want us to remember her with happiness and not tears. 

I'm sending prayers that your memories will bring you comfort, and am sure your mom is watching over you.  Give yourself the time you need to grieve.  There is no timeframe for grief, and others who have been through what you're going through will understand, so reach out for support where you can.
Hang in there, take it one day at a time, and take care of yourself.


----------



## PrincessSuzanne

memster said:


> Hi Everyone, I lost my Mom 2-2-2011 and I will tell ya I just can't get a handle on it. Today was the day I packed her clothes it was one of the hardest things I've had to do. She was my bestfriend, we did everything together. She brought me so much joy and happiness. I can't think about life without that angel in it.



I'm so sorry for your loss. I still have days here 2 1/2 years later where I can't handle her being gone. I still haven't packed up my mom's clothes. I say that, I did give away a few things to a lady that really needed them. I know it is time to get rid of the rest of the stuff, but it makes me so sad I just haven't gone back to finish. I know she would want it all to go to charity or someone who needs it, it just, I don't know, brings me comfort.


Suzanne


----------



## memster

Thanks so much for the comforting words Mikamah, it really does help. It's just so new and raw at this point. As you know for yourself every moment is different than the next. I try to think how lucky and greatful I was to have this awesome Human being in my life and I thank God for that.


----------



## memster

Also wanted to thank Princess Suzanne too. I feel like I'm not alone out there. Thanks again


----------



## minniecarousel

Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of my Mom's death. My sisters and I are going to go out to lunch and do some "retail therapy".

I was doing OK today until I was in her room and noticed that the lavender sachet is still on the back of her door handle. She'd jiggle it a little to activate the odor. 

We're finishing up the staging of our house to sell it. It's just too empty without her here.


----------



## LCARDVERO

minniecarousel said:


> Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of my Mom's death. My sisters and I are going to go out to lunch and do some "retail therapy".
> 
> I was doing OK today until I was in her room and noticed that the lavender sachet is still on the back of her door handle. She'd jiggle it a little to activate the odor.
> 
> We're finishing up the staging of our house to sell it. It's just too empty without her here.




Stay strong and enjoy the memories.


----------



## Rustysmom

I'm going to Disney in July, for the first time since my Mom died.  I hope I don't spend every day there crying about that.  Last time I went my Mom was sick with pancreatic cancer and nobody even knew it. She probably didn't want to say how bad her pain was because she didn't want to ruin our trip.

While cleaning out her house to sell it, I found papers that led me to believe I was adopted.  She never told me. I was mad at her for a while because of that, but I think she helped me find my birthmom.  Had to have helped, because I found her in less than 2 months. Maybe she didn't want me to be all alone. I feel guilty for being mad at her, but it was such a shock to find out that way, you know?  So now I have this birthmom and half-sister and half-brother and they want to be part of our lives, and it's nice, but it's also weird.

All I know is that it was just 3 years since she passed away, and I miss her so much!


----------



## moepanz

Rustysmom said:


> I'm going to Disney in July, for the first time since my Mom died.  I hope I don't spend every day there crying about that.  Last time I went my Mom was sick with pancreatic cancer and nobody even knew it. She probably didn't want to say how bad her pain was because she didn't want to ruin our trip.
> 
> While cleaning out her house to sell it, I found papers that led me to believe I was adopted.  She never told me. I was mad at her for a while because of that, but I think she helped me find my birthmom.  Had to have helped, because I found her in less than 2 months. Maybe she didn't want me to be all alone. I feel guilty for being mad at her, but it was such a shock to find out that way, you know?  So now I have this birthmom and half-sister and half-brother and they want to be part of our lives, and it's nice, but it's also weird.
> 
> All I know is that it was just 3 years since she passed away, and I miss her so much!



That is a lot to deal with. Try to take comfort and know that she did the best she could (like all of us moms do) and did what she felt was right at the time by not telling you. I had some unresolved issues with my mom that turned out to be bigger than I thought, found out some things that I was very angry about but I thankfully and quickly realized that holding on to any of it was only hurting me and everyone else around me.

 I can tell you my first trip to Disney after my mom passed was very emotional and I knew it was going to be (my mom took her bad and final turn for the worse while we were all in Disney knowing the chemo had not worked) I went with a friend for a weekend 1st time back. I did not want the kids with me thinking I would be a mess. I had my moments but, got through it.  Warning Wishes was pretty hard I was a mess.

I wish I had some advice about the birthmom and 1/2 siblings but all I can say is I know a few people that have had amazing birth families (my cousin) and a friend of mind that was not lucky enough to have such a nice experience. I hope you find the comfort and support you need. 

I grew up in Brooklyn, I am on Long Island for 7 years now. Where in Brooklyn are you?


----------



## Rustysmom

I live in Marine Park. 

I think a good thing is that we want to go to Universal first.  Hopefully that won't bring back bad memories because we never went there.  Do they still have Wishes at Magic Kingdom?  If they do, I know what you mean, I don't know if I can watch that because last time I watched it I was thinking about my mom and hoping she was going to feel better.  I know I'll be a mess if I see it.

I am lucky that my birth family is sooo nice and welcomed me right in, no questions asked.  I'm still in shock about the whole thing to tell you the truth.  I think this year might be the first year in a long time that is going to be a good one.


----------



## moepanz

Rustysmom said:


> I live in Marine Park.
> 
> I think a good thing is that we want to go to Universal first.  Hopefully that won't bring back bad memories because we never went there.  Do they still have Wishes at Magic Kingdom?  If they do, I know what you mean, I don't know if I can watch that because last time I watched it I was thinking about my mom and hoping she was going to feel better.  I know I'll be a mess if I see it.
> 
> I am lucky that my birth family is sooo nice and welcomed me right in, no questions asked.  I'm still in shock about the whole thing to tell you the truth.  I think this year might be the first year in a long time that is going to be a good one.



I am going to send you a PM. I am from Marine Park too! LOL!!!


----------



## Shelly F - Ohio

Rustysmom said:


> I live in Marine Park.
> 
> I think a good thing is that we want to go to Universal first.  Hopefully that won't bring back bad memories because we never went there.  Do they still have Wishes at Magic Kingdom?  If they do, I know what you mean, I don't know if I can watch that because last time I watched it I was thinking about my mom and hoping she was going to feel better.  I know I'll be a mess if I see it.
> 
> I am lucky that my birth family is sooo nice and welcomed me right in, no questions asked.  I'm still in shock about the whole thing to tell you the truth.  I think this year might be the first year in a long time that is going to be a good one.



If you can, go to wishes with your family and while watching if you get emotional say to yourself, "Mom is with us watch wishes too". I hope that will bring some comfort to you. Mom will be with you every step of the way on your vacation. 

The first time I went to New York City and went up in the empire state building it was so calming. I was so high up in the air and the deck was not too crowded so I spent a little time thinking of my Mom it felt so good.


----------



## Andrea

I lost my grandmother who lived with me in january of 1998 ( i was 18 years old), then I lost my mother in Feb. of 1999 (i was 19 years old) and then in january 2000 ( i was still 19) I lost my dad.

I am 31 one now and still having a hard time. I feel like the longer it has been the harder it is getting for me.

I know i will make it though !!!


----------



## minniebeth

I lost my mom in November and this is the first Easter without her~
I'm hurting so much today, missing her so much. Easter was always a special holiday filled with much tradition for my family growing up. I'm trying to make the day nice for my family, but inside just so, so sad. Just needed to share with others who may understand.

Happy Spring to everyone, still waiting to have it feel warm and sunny like spring around here, but at least it's the season of promise~


----------



## ACDSNY

Minniebeth - I know what you mean, the holidays are just not the same anymore.  We try making them fun for the kids, but it's hard on the adults.  I hope Spring arrives for you soon.

Andrea - don't be too hard on yourself, loosing three family members so close together is tough to handle.  It will get better!

May the new life and beauty of spring bring joy to all!


----------



## PrincessSuzanne

ACDSNY said:


> Minniebeth - I know what you mean, the holidays are just not the same anymore.  We try making them fun for the kids, but it's hard on the adults.  I hope Spring arrives for you soon.
> 
> Andrea - don't be too hard on yourself, loosing three family members so close together is tough to handle.  It will get better!
> 
> May the new life and beauty of spring bring joy to all!



I have to agree, the holidays will never be the same again (I lost my mom in 2008), and we don't have children to start new traditions with.

Yesteday was just so weird. My mom loved Easter, she always filled an Easter basket for me every year, no matter how old I got, because she said I would always be her baby no matter how old I got, and it is strange to celebrate without her. 

All holidays don't seem right now that she is gone, and I guess they will from now on.

Suzanne


----------



## rndmr2

to everyone on this thread. I found it just a little while ago and have read the whole thing.   
   I lost my mom on July 14, 2002 (the day before I turned 29 and about a year and a half after my sister passed away).  I had moved from Phila to Va that January to be closer to my then BF (now DH) and had been home to visit a couple times but this was the first time she was coming to visit me and seeing where I lived (my dad had been there, he helped me move) and she passed away while there. They got there on Friday night and when we woke up Sunday morning she was gone. She had COPD (emphysema) and was on 24 hour Oxygen and was fairly stable (or so we thought) but wasn't doing well Saturday, we tried to get her to go to the hospital but she wouldn't go so they decided to leave the next morning and she promised they would go right to the hospital when they got there but obviously that didn't happen. I had a lot of guilt afterwards because it happened when she was visiting me, like maybe the trip was too much for her, if she had been home she would have gone to the hospital, etc.  For the most part I've gotten past it but it is still hard sometimes.


----------



## WendyWuWu

I just found this thread and want to say prayers for all of you.  I definately know how all of you feel. 
You see, in March, 2010, my mom started having chest pain on her way to work.  She went to the ER instead of heading on to work. I've been a nurse for over 20 years...a nurse anesthetist for the past few years....and really thought she might have a blood clot in her lung.  Of course they treated her for heart pain, but I was sure that wasn't it.  I was right in that it wasn't her heart...but wrong in that it was not a blood clot.  Instead, she had a mass in her lung.  CT showed she other tumors in her brain and several in her liver.  I knew instantly what this meant.  She was stage 4 metastatic lung cancer.  She would not survive.
Mom put up a good fight...never complained...and very rarely felt much pain thankfully...but on August 31, 2010, she succumbed to her cancer.  I never thought I'd ever feel so much grief....until recently.
Two weeks before Mom died, Dad had some routine lab done.  It showed up he had myelodysplastic syndrome, aka pre-leukemia.  The day after we buried Mom, Dad had to have a bone marrow biopsy.  By Christmas, he was doing well.  The chemo was working...he didn't feel sick...prayers were being answered. 
By late March, his labs were not so good anymore.  He was feeling more and more tired and his legs ached.  He'd have good days and bad days, but more good than bad and he was doing "ok".
Less than two weeks ago, however, on May 10,2011, he had just left home to go to his chemo appointment when someone fell asleep coming around a curve and hit my dad head-on.  They worked for about 2 hours, but he did not survive.  Now I've lost both of my parents in the span of 8 months.  
My mom and dad lived just around the corner from me.  We own 100 acres in Kentucky and I live on one corner of the property, mom and dad lived on another, my brother on another, etc.  I cooked supper for my parents, then just my dad almost every night just to make sure they were being taken care of.  My mom was my best friend and my dad was my rock...my strength...
The grief of losing Mom was horrible. But when she died, I think we were all ready because we didn't like seeing her suffer.  With Dad, we werent prepared.  We thought we had more time.  I try to thnk maybe this was God's way of saving him from a long path of suffering in the future, but then I think of how witnesses said he was looking around, moving his arm immediately after the wreck, and I can't help but worry that he was "with it" and wondering why noone was there helping him.  Did he know he was dying?  It breaks my heart and is almost unbearable to imagine this might be the case as it seems he'd already suffered so much.  (side note:  We're told from eye witnesses that 911 dispatch sent the ambulances to the wrong site and it took over 35 mins for the ambulance to get to dad)  This situation seems to make his loss so much harder.  
Thanks for listening.


----------



## PrincessSuzanne

WendyWuWu said:


> I just found this thread and want to say prayers for all of you.  I definately know how all of you feel.
> You see, in March, 2010, my mom started having chest pain on her way to work.  She went to the ER instead of heading on to work. I've been a nurse for over 20 years...a nurse anesthetist for the past few years....and really thought she might have a blood clot in her lung.  Of course they treated her for heart pain, but I was sure that wasn't it.  I was right in that it wasn't her heart...but wrong in that it was not a blood clot.  Instead, she had a mass in her lung.  CT showed she other tumors in her brain and several in her liver.  I knew instantly what this meant.  She was stage 4 metastatic lung cancer.  She would not survive.
> Mom put up a good fight...never complained...and very rarely felt much pain thankfully...but on August 31, 2010, she succumbed to her cancer.  I never thought I'd ever feel so much grief....until recently.
> Two weeks before Mom died, Dad had some routine lab done.  It showed up he had myelodysplastic syndrome, aka pre-leukemia.  The day after we buried Mom, Dad had to have a bone marrow biopsy.  By Christmas, he was doing well.  The chemo was working...he didn't feel sick...prayers were being answered.
> By late March, his labs were not so good anymore.  He was feeling more and more tired and his legs ached.  He'd have good days and bad days, but more good than bad and he was doing "ok".
> Less than two weeks ago, however, on May 10,2011, he had just left home to go to his chemo appointment when someone fell asleep coming around a curve and hit my dad head-on.  They worked for about 2 hours, but he did not survive.  Now I've lost both of my parents in the span of 8 months.
> My mom and dad lived just around the corner from me.  We own 100 acres in Kentucky and I live on one corner of the property, mom and dad lived on another, my brother on another, etc.  I cooked supper for my parents, then just my dad almost every night just to make sure they were being taken care of.  My mom was my best friend and my dad was my rock...my strength...
> The grief of losing Mom was horrible. But when she died, I think we were all ready because we didn't like seeing her suffer.  With Dad, we werent prepared.  We thought we had more time.  I try to thnk maybe this was God's way of saving him from a long path of suffering in the future, but then I think of how witnesses said he was looking around, moving his arm immediately after the wreck, and I can't help but worry that he was "with it" and wondering why noone was there helping him.  Did he know he was dying?  It breaks my heart and is almost unbearable to imagine this might be the case as it seems he'd already suffered so much.  (side note:  We're told from eye witnesses that 911 dispatch sent the ambulances to the wrong site and it took over 35 mins for the ambulance to get to dad)  This situation seems to make his loss so much harder.
> Thanks for listening.




I am so sorry,  to you an your family, this has got to be very difficult. I only had 1 parent in my life to begin with, so I know what it is like to have no parents. It will get better, as I still tell myself, but it will never completely go away.

We are here to offer support and/or just a listening ear

Suzanne


----------



## latmck

I see that I am not alone in this. I lost my mom on April 15 (two months ago) from a tornado that hit Missisppi. She was the only one that died in the storm that rip thru our small community. My dad died 15 yrs ago. So it had been mom & me for a while until I got married and had kids. I am the only child. Oh my, it has been to hard because mom was one of my best friends. We talked several times a day. Her birthday is July 9 which will be very hard for me since I was planning a surprise party for her. We went on our first disney trip in May, & I wanted to bad to call her & tell her all the characters and fun time we are having, but realized that she would never pick up the phone. She always told me (when I was planning the trip) to take plenty of pics of the kids and their excitement. I look at my phone everyday and wonder why mom hasn't call me today. I told my dh that I don't know how I am going to get thru the holidays without mom. I miss her so much. The hardest part is that I didn't tell her goodbye and I love her before we hung up an hr before the tornado hit. Please pray for me and I will do the same for you guys.


----------



## PrincessSuzanne

latmck said:


> I see that I am not alone in this. I lost my mom on April 15 (two months ago) from a tornado that hit Missisppi. She was the only one that died in the storm that rip thru our small community. My dad died 15 yrs ago. So it had been mom & me for a while until I got married and had kids. I am the only child. Oh my, it has been to hard because mom was one of my best friends. We talked several times a day. Her birthday is July 9 which will be very hard for me since I was planning a surprise party for her. We went on our first disney trip in May, & I wanted to bad to call her & tell her all the characters and fun time we are having, but realized that she would never pick up the phone. She always told me (when I was planning the trip) to take plenty of pics of the kids and their excitement. I look at my phone everyday and wonder why mom hasn't call me today. I told my dh that I don't know how I am going to get thru the holidays without mom. I miss her so much. The hardest part is that I didn't tell her goodbye and I love her before we hung up an hr before the tornado hit. Please pray for me and I will do the same for you guys.




That must be so difficult for you . I was lucky enough to get to take my mom on our first trip to WDW and several others before she passed away, she was such a big kid there and loved it so much.

It is getting close to 3 years since I lost my mom and I still wonder why she hasn't called me today, and why can't I call her and tell her exciting news when I have it. I am an only child and we were very close, best friends, and it is very difficult, because I don't have other friends, except my husband and there are just some things he doesn't see as exciting that she would have. 

Where in GA are you? 

Remember we are here to listen and we all understand. The holiday's will be really tough, but focus hard on your children and that will help some. I dealt with the first years holidays at home, then decided that the next years we would go to Disney for Christmas, but this is the first year, we won't be going, we have to wait until Jan, and I am dreading it already.


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## melmar136

Hi and  to everyone here.  I know you all know how I feel.  I am really missing my mom more lately.  I guess July will always be hard for me, since she died in July 2003.  8 years ago.  And sometimes it seems like yesterday.  

She was diagnosed with lung cancer in Feb 2003 and 5 months later she was gone.    She was only 58.

My mom was my best friend, and Disney planning was her thing.  She passed that on to me, but everytime I plan a trip it is somewhat bittersweet.

My DD was only 4 when my mom died, and I know she really doesn't remember too much, which makes me so sad because my mom loved her sooo much and would have done anything for her!

I went to a Dis-meet last Sat, had fun, and sat with a great table of women.  But I left feeling sad because 2 of the women (around my age) were there with their moms.  They travel to WDW all the time with them, and it made me really miss the trips with my mom, and I know if she was still here, she'd be right on these boards with me, planning away.
I know I am very fortunate that I now get to plan trips for DD and I, and make the kind of memories with her that my mom and I had.  But, I still can't help feeling sad about it sometimes too.

Just a hard day I guess. Thanks for listening!


----------



## ACDSNY

melmar136 said:


> Hi and  to everyone here. I know you all know how I feel. I am really missing my mom more lately. I guess July will always be hard for me, since she died in July 2003. 8 years ago. And sometimes it seems like yesterday.
> 
> She was diagnosed with lung cancer in Feb 2003 and 5 months later she was gone.  She was only 58.
> 
> My mom was my best friend, and Disney planning was her thing. She passed that on to me, but everytime I plan a trip it is somewhat bittersweet.


 
Hugs to you too!  Keep the traditions going and you'll build wonderful memories with you DD.

July is rough for me too as my Mom passed away in July 1998 at 59 from cancer.  Lucky for me June/July are really busy at work so it doesn't let me dwell on it for to long.


----------



## Nancy F

luvmarypoppins said:


> I miss my mom too. I really didnt even have time to grieve as I had to take in my 90 year old grandma who lived with her and I was recovering from surgery which I had complications from and almost died from like a week before that.
> 
> Now I have been fighting cancer all this year. I really wish my mom was around to encourage me and give me a hug etc. Her best friend lives in the next state. I call her aunt and she talks to me on the phone alot, I love her like a mom, but I miss my real mom.



Hope you'll except a  from me.
I lost my Mom in 95 and miss her every day. 
Nancy


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## kimis

melmar136 said:


> Hi and  to everyone here.  I know you all know how I feel.  I am really missing my mom more lately.  I guess July will always be hard for me, since she died in July 2003.  8 years ago.  And sometimes it seems like yesterday.
> 
> She was diagnosed with lung cancer in Feb 2003 and 5 months later she was gone.    She was only 58.
> 
> My mom was my best friend, and Disney planning was her thing.  She passed that on to me, but everytime I plan a trip it is somewhat bittersweet.
> 
> My DD was only 4 when my mom died, and I know she really doesn't remember too much, which makes me so sad because my mom loved her sooo much and would have done anything for her!
> 
> I went to a Dis-meet last Sat, had fun, and sat with a great table of women.  But I left feeling sad because 2 of the women (around my age) were there with their moms.  They travel to WDW all the time with them, and it made me really miss the trips with my mom, and I know if she was still here, she'd be right on these boards with me, planning away.
> I know I am very fortunate that I now get to plan trips for DD and I, and make the kind of memories with her that my mom and I had.  But, I still can't help feeling sad about it sometimes too.
> 
> Just a hard day I guess. Thanks for listening!



I totally understand!  My mom died of small cell lung cancer 3 and 1/2 months after diagnoses.  That was 5 years ago and many days it feels like yesterday.  She too was my best friend.  We would talk on the phone many times daily.  Hang in there---even on those hard days.  Pass all that disney fun down to your daughter and she will have those wonderful memories to cherish just like you have of your mom.   As for that feeling of sadness sometimes I don't think it goes away it just teaches us how precious life is and reminds us to make all the memories we can so others will remember us with smiles on their faces.   Always remember this disboard site is a great place to find someone else who does understand what you are going through.


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## melmar136

kimis said:


> I totally understand!  My mom died of small cell lung cancer 3 and 1/2 months after diagnoses.  That was 5 years ago and many days it feels like yesterday.  She too was my best friend.  We would talk on the phone many times daily.  Hang in there---even on those hard days.  Pass all that disney fun down to your daughter and she will have those wonderful memories to cherish just like you have of your mom.   As for that feeling of sadness sometimes I don't think it goes away it just teaches us how precious life is and reminds us to make all the memories we can so others will remember us with smiles on their faces.   Always remember this disboard site is a great place to find someone else who does understand what you are going through.



Thanks kimis, it is true...I definitely realize so much more now how short life can be, and I try to do as much as I can in the time I have, especially when it comes to making wonderful memories with my DD.  
I'm glad there are others who do understand here...none of my friends have lost a parent, so don't truly know how hard it can be.
 to you for having to go through all of it too!


----------



## melmar136

ACDSNY said:


> Hugs to you too!  Keep the traditions going and you'll build wonderful memories with you DD.
> 
> July is rough for me too as my Mom passed away in July 1998 at 59 from cancer.  Lucky for me June/July are really busy at work so it doesn't let me dwell on it for to long.



 for your comments, and because July is hard on you as well.  I see all the trips you have planned in your signature!  Have great trips!


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## MinaFemme

Hi everyone...

My 50 year old mom died on May 18 of this year, three weeks after she was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I am starting to get out of the black hole of grief and depression that I've been in. I have a baby boy. so I am trying to be a happy mommy for him, but it's hard. Losing my mom changed my identity completely. I feel lost sometimes...


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## iluveeyore

MinaFemme said:


> Hi everyone...
> 
> My 50 year old mom died on May 18 of this year, three weeks after she was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I am starting to get out of the black hole of grief and depression that I've been in. I have a baby boy. so I am trying to be a happy mommy for him, but it's hard. Losing my mom changed my identity completely. I feel lost sometimes...



First, I am so sorry for your loss - hugs to you   My Mom died at 48 when my daughter was 6 months old and my sons were 4 and 6.  I can honestly tell you it's hard to remember the first 6 months after she died - thank goodness we have videos and pics of the children during that time, because I honestly felt like a zombie going through the motions.  She was my best friend, and I saw her every day, so I can agree with you when you say it changed your identity completely - Even after 15 years, I miss her terribly and I know I have made choices with my life I would never have had she still been here (like jobs and moving).  But you learn to adapt, you try your best to be a great mom for your children to make your Mom proud, and the pain does become a little less sharp with time.


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## PrincessSuzanne

MinaFemme said:


> Hi everyone...
> 
> My 50 year old mom died on May 18 of this year, three weeks after she was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I am starting to get out of the black hole of grief and depression that I've been in. I have a baby boy. so I am trying to be a happy mommy for him, but it's hard. Losing my mom changed my identity completely. I feel lost sometimes...



I am so sorry for your loss...I can so identify with you, I feel like I lost myself for right at a year. I just didn't care about anybody or anything, it is probably a miracle my DH didn't leave me and that I didn't lose my job. I was transferred to a different supervisor and to a new office and that was what broke me out of my own little world. I am so greatful to my supervisor...who shares a birthday with my mother...I think it was fate.

I am not the same person I was before, but I am not in that world of depression that I was then. Don't force yourself to change, let time do what it is supposed to.

My mom passed away 3 years ago this past Friday and I made it through, especially because of my husband.

Suzanne


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## Shelly F - Ohio

I am glad this board is still around that I started. I have been going through a rough time lately and sadly I may not be alive much longer. It is so nice to see so much support on here and I hope you guys will keep this board going in honor of my memory. 
Take care and may God bless all of you and ease your pain.


----------



## Shelly F - Ohio

MinaFemme said:


> Hi everyone...
> 
> My 50 year old mom died on May 18 of this year, three weeks after she was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I am starting to get out of the black hole of grief and depression that I've been in. I have a baby boy. so I am trying to be a happy mommy for him, but it's hard. Losing my mom changed my identity completely. I feel lost sometimes...



 to you. Take it one day at a time and with time your pain will ease it just might seem like it now but it will.


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## PrincessSuzanne

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> I am glad this board is still around that I started. I have been going through a rough time lately and sadly I may not be alive much longer. It is so nice to see so much support on here and I hope you guys will keep this board going in honor of my memory.
> Take care and may God bless all of you and ease your pain.



Now, Shelly, don't talk like that. You do have alot of support here. If you need to talk, I am just a PM away, I am on facebook, and I would even be happy to talk to you on the phone, DH works at night, so I am home with only the cats to talk to...LOL

I am going to ask for prayers for a little girl (she is 9 or 10) in our community, her 40 year old mother passed away on Sunday afternoon probably from a stroke. She dances with my cousins and her mother was very involved with her as well as the rest of the little girls, she was also on our local police force. She will be laid to rest this morning.

I feel so sorry for this little girl, she and her mother were as close as my mother and I were. My cousin read me a note she had laid on her mother's chest at the visitation and I just cried, I knew them both but not as well.


----------



## cheyandrew7

I lost my mom about 15 years ago in 1996 she passed on my 14th birthday of lung cancer.I lived with her and my grandma (my dad's mom ) they was really close after my dad bailed on us his choice he wanted boys not girls and i was his first girl and he came back in my life so many times but promises my kids to go and do something and then doesn't show just like he did to me and I told him that was enought just to leave us alone but anyways back to my mom, I miss her so much, I wish she could have seen my kids and meet my hubby. 

In 2003 I had my first son Caleb and was the best little baby and he passed away from sids on feb 9th 2004 he was only 4 months old 

Then about 5 years ago my grandma (my dad's mom) passed away  10 years and 1 week after my mom did. She had breast cancer then it spread to the liver and lungs. 
I miss them all so much I don't really have a favorite memory just all of them i guess


----------



## Twende

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> I am glad this board is still around that I started. I have been going through a rough time lately and sadly I may not be alive much longer. It is so nice to see so much support on here and I hope you guys will keep this board going in honor of my memory.
> Take care and may God bless all of you and ease your pain.



Shelly,  What is wrong?  Did I miss something?  Are you okay?   Stupid question, Kim...obviously you are not okay!

Is there anything we can do?  Hugs to you right now and please let us at least try to help!


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## Shelly F - Ohio

That is so sad. That poor little thing. 



PrincessSuzanne said:


> Now, Shelly, don't talk like that. You do have alot of support here. If you need to talk, I am just a PM away, I am on facebook, and I would even be happy to talk to you on the phone, DH works at night, so I am home with only the cats to talk to...LOL
> 
> I am going to ask for prayers for a little girl (she is 9 or 10) in our community, her 40 year old mother passed away on Sunday afternoon probably from a stroke. She dances with my cousins and her mother was very involved with her as well as the rest of the little girls, she was also on our local police force. She will be laid to rest this morning.
> 
> I feel so sorry for this little girl, she and her mother were as close as my mother and I were. My cousin read me a note she had laid on her mother's chest at the visitation and I just cried, I knew them both but not as well.


----------



## Bareacuda

I lost my mom on 12 Sept. 2011.
   She had Alzheimers and heart disease, it was a stroke that took her.
   I was informed of her " not going to make it thru the night", as I was trying to wake up from the 2 am call. I got out of bed to call my boss, I was called again to let me know she was with my dad. And uninvited to come to California for the services... I wasnt wanted there.
   Arrangements were made the week before when she had the stroke and put into the hospital. I knew nothing of this. My brother and sisters were there to say good bye and make her arrangments. Im glad she didnt go alone.
   Im sad that I wasnt included in her last week, just to hold her hand one last time. I figured the last time I did see her would be our last time together, so I really did get to say good bye.


  Ann


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## quasar4legs

Bareacuda said:


> I lost my mom on 12 Sept. 2011.
> She had Alzheimers and heart disease, it was a stroke that took her.
> I was informed of her " not going to make it thru the night", as I was trying to wake up from the 2 am call. I got out of bed to call my boss, I was called again to let me know she was with my dad. And uninvited to come to California for the services... I wasnt wanted there.
> Arrangements were made the week before when she had the stroke and put into the hospital. I knew nothing of this. My brother and sisters were there to say good bye and make her arrangments. Im glad she didnt go alone.
> Im sad that I wasnt included in her last week, just to hold her hand one last time. I figured the last time I did see her would be our last time together, so I really did get to say good bye.
> 
> 
> Ann





I am so sorry for your loss Ann.

It must be very distressing for you to lose your mum and not be included in the arrangements for her funeral and I sorry that you have to endure this additional pain.

Perhaps you can find your own way to say 'goodbye' and honor your mum's life. 

Please know that I am thinking of you

Quasar


----------



## Bareacuda

quasar4legs said:


> I am so sorry for your loss Ann.
> 
> It must be very distressing for you to lose your mum and not be included in the arrangements for her funeral and I sorry that you have to endure this additional pain.
> 
> Perhaps you can find your own way to say 'goodbye' and honor your mum's life.
> 
> Please know that I am thinking of you
> 
> Quasar





  Thanks. We have planned a balloon release for her tomorrow. And a dinner at her fav mexican place. We all have to eat a chile!


 Ann


----------



## two*little*birds

I lost my Mom in 1993 when I was only 18.

She passed away from Lou Gehrig's Disease (ALS) after a 5 year battle.

She missed all my major milestones - graduations, wedding, grandchildren, etc.

I miss her more than anything, she was my best friend. Even now, 18 years later, I get teary eye'd just thinking of her.


----------



## quasar4legs

Bareacuda said:


> Thanks. We have planned a balloon release for her tomorrow. And a dinner at her fav mexican place. We all have to eat a chile!
> 
> 
> Ann



The balloon release and dinner sound very special.
Good luck with the chilli, I hope it's not too hot.

 Quasar


----------



## quasar4legs

two*little*birds said:


> I lost my Mom in 1993 when I was only 18.
> 
> She passed away from Lou Gehrig's Disease (ALS) after a 5 year battle.
> 
> She missed all my major milestones - graduations, wedding, grandchildren, etc.
> 
> I miss her more than anything, she was my best friend. Even now, 18 years later, I get teary eye'd just thinking of her.





I am so sorry you lost your mum at such a young age
A part of your mum will always be with you at those special milestones but it is not the same as being physically there and I can only imagine how difficult it has been for you.

Quasar


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## melmar136

I happened upon a great book tonite at the library called Feathers Brush My Heart (true stories of mothers touching their daughters' lives after death), by Sinclair Browning.   It has short stories in it about how mothers contact their daughters through dreams, objects, etc. and show that their love, care and concern for us never really dies.

I have been missing my mom a lot lately, more so than usual, and she has been gone for more than 8 years, so I was glad to see this book.  I really relate to the stories, because I truly feel my mom has been there for me at times.  It is a long story, but we relate seeing a red cardinal as a sign of my mom being there, and cardinals have shown up at times that are too odd to be coincidental.  I know it was her, just showing me she is still there, and watching over me.  

I have only read 2 stories in the book so far, but know it will be a comfort.  So, thought I'd share it!  
 to all!


----------



## bobdacat

Just saw this thread. 

  Unfortunately I also can say that we lost my wife to breast cancer on April 28, 2010 after a 4 year battle.   She was a wonderful mother to our 2 children daughter 11 and son 7.   It is such a nasty disease, she never stopped fighting it right up to the end.   Her strength is certainly in our children, they don't let anything stop them.   We all miss our loved ones so much, but also we must keep moving forward thats what they all would want.


----------



## quasar4legs

bobdacat said:


> Just saw this thread.
> 
> Unfortunately I also can say that we lost my wife to breast cancer on April 28, 2010 after a 4 year battle.   She was a wonderful mother to our 2 children daughter 11 and son 7.   It is such a nasty disease, she never stopped fighting it right up to the end.   Her strength is certainly in our children, they don't let anything stop them.   We all miss our loved ones so much, but also we must keep moving forward thats what they all would want.[/QUOTE
> 
> I am so sorry that you lost your wife at such a young age.
> 
> You are right that no matter what happens in life we must go on but sometimes it is a difficult journey.
> 
> Big  to you and your precious children. It must be a blessing to see your wife's strength in your children.
> 
> 
> Quasar


----------



## Nox54

bobdacat said:


> Just saw this thread.
> 
> Unfortunately I also can say that we lost my wife to breast cancer on April 28, 2010 after a 4 year battle.   She was a wonderful mother to our 2 children daughter 11 and son 7.   It is such a nasty disease, she never stopped fighting it right up to the end.   Her strength is certainly in our children, they don't let anything stop them.   We all miss our loved ones so much, but also we must keep moving forward thats what they all would want.





 I'm so sorry


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## Nox54

I lost my mom in 2004. She used to go with us to Disneyland. I remember the first year we went without her (2001- after her cancer dx).


----------



## Twende

I lost my mom for the final time on Saturday, 10/22.  

It was suppose to be a happy day as it was our 35th Wedding Anniversary.  My husband and I had nothing really special planned, just time with each other and our oldest son.  We happened to be in his town that weekend getting some winterizing done to my mother's Ohio home.

The call came early in the morning.  She had passed away, alone, in a bed, in an institution in FL.

I remember my last words to her, "Mom, It will be okay."  The words were so inadequate for the situation at hand.

It was seven months and 7 days before her death. She was being taken away from me and her home.  She was placed by her sons into an institution in FL, where according to them she would get care.  My father, her husband had died three days earlier.  His wishes were for me to care for her.  It was in his will and before his death the entire family had agreed to it.

I will never understand what went down.  I will never get over the pain of seeing her ripped away.  She was so upset and wanted me.

A new widow who is 92 years old should not be taken from everything they know and hold dear! 

She had dementia but she had very lucid times.  She knew what she wanted and she understood what they were doing to her.  She begged me to hide her away and find a way to stop them from taking her from her home.  I tried every legal thing I could think of to stop them.

I lost Mom to dementia, my Mama appeared.  She was a very different person from my Mom, but still a pretty great person.  I lost my Mama to my brothers and their greed.  Losing her three times has been impossibly difficult.

I am so glad she is now at peace and in Heaven.    She knows that I kept every promise made to her and to dad.  I will live a good life to celebrate hers! 

She was the most amazing mother, grandmother, great grandmother, wife and friend.  We who loved her most, are happy that she is no longer suffering!


----------



## quasar4legs

Twende said:


> I lost my mom for the final time on Saturday, 10/22.
> 
> It was suppose to be a happy day as it was our 35th Wedding Anniversary.  My husband and I had nothing really special planned, just time with each other and our oldest son.  We happened to be in his town that weekend getting some winterizing done to my mother's Ohio home.
> 
> The call came early in the morning.  She had passed away, alone, in a bed, in an institution in FL.
> 
> I remember my last words to her, "Mom, It will be okay."  The words were so inadequate for the situation at hand.
> 
> It was seven months and 7 days before her death. She was being taken away from me and her home.  She was placed by her sons into an institution in FL, where according to them she would get care.  My father, her husband had died three days earlier.  His wishes were for me to care for her.  It was in his will and before his death the entire family had agreed to it.
> 
> I will never understand what went down.  I will never get over the pain of seeing her ripped away.  She was so upset and wanted me.
> 
> A new widow who is 92 years old should not be taken from everything they know and hold dear!
> 
> She had dementia but she had very lucid times.  She knew what she wanted and she understood what they were doing to her.  She begged me to hide her away and find a way to stop them from taking her from her home.  I tried every legal thing I could think of to stop them.
> 
> I lost Mom to dementia, my Mama appeared.  She was a very different person from my Mom, but still a pretty great person.  I lost my Mama to my brothers and their greed.  Losing her three times has been impossibly difficult.
> 
> I am so glad she is now at peace and in Heaven.    She knows that I kept every promise made to her and to dad.  I will live a good life to celebrate hers!
> 
> She was the most amazing mother, grandmother, great grandmother, wife and friend.  We who loved her most, are happy that she is no longer suffering!



I am so sorry that you have lost your mum, it must have been a very difficult dealing with all these ongoing losses over the past few years.

Hold on to you happy memories and please know that I am thinking of you and your family during this sad time


Quasar


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## shoes99

My mom died at the age of 78 on 11/6/01, so it is her 10 year anniversary.  We lost her to early onset alzheimers and she was in a nursing home since 1997.  She was loving and trusting and the aids at the nursing home loved her and took good care of her.  She did not  speak for the last 3 years of her life, but my dad, sisters & I visited often.  I still miss her.  She loved Disney, and even when she was sick I took her to Universal and WDW.


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## Shelly F - Ohio

So sorry for your loss honey 
It sounds as though your Mom lead a very long and happy life until her dementia hit. 
Your Mom & Dad had a long life together and they say when one passes on so does the other. Take comfort that the two of them are together again. 
I know hard it is not to be there when she passes but remember she loves you. So hold that thought in your heart as you try to get through this very rough time. 

On another note..I have been to Canfield Ohio. Went there to see Jo Dee Messina at the fair a few years ago. 
Hugs to you 



Twende said:


> I lost my mom for the final time on Saturday, 10/22.
> 
> It was suppose to be a happy day as it was our 35th Wedding Anniversary.  My husband and I had nothing really special planned, just time with each other and our oldest son.  We happened to be in his town that weekend getting some winterizing done to my mother's Ohio home.
> 
> The call came early in the morning.  She had passed away, alone, in a bed, in an institution in FL.
> 
> I remember my last words to her, "Mom, It will be okay."  The words were so inadequate for the situation at hand.
> 
> It was seven months and 7 days before her death. She was being taken away from me and her home.  She was placed by her sons into an institution in FL, where according to them she would get care.  My father, her husband had died three days earlier.  His wishes were for me to care for her.  It was in his will and before his death the entire family had agreed to it.
> 
> I will never understand what went down.  I will never get over the pain of seeing her ripped away.  She was so upset and wanted me.
> 
> A new widow who is 92 years old should not be taken from everything they know and hold dear!
> 
> She had dementia but she had very lucid times.  She knew what she wanted and she understood what they were doing to her.  She begged me to hide her away and find a way to stop them from taking her from her home.  I tried every legal thing I could think of to stop them.
> 
> I lost Mom to dementia, my Mama appeared.  She was a very different person from my Mom, but still a pretty great person.  I lost my Mama to my brothers and their greed.  Losing her three times has been impossibly difficult.
> 
> I am so glad she is now at peace and in Heaven.    She knows that I kept every promise made to her and to dad.  I will live a good life to celebrate hers!
> 
> She was the most amazing mother, grandmother, great grandmother, wife and friend.  We who loved her most, are happy that she is no longer suffering!


----------



## friend2Figment

I lost my mom this past year 12/19/11, 19 days after we found out that she had cancer. She would have been 72 later this month. 

She was able to come home and spend her last couple days at home with family at her side. If it was not for the excellent help Hospice helped provide I do not know what we would have done. 

I am not sure I have really come to terms yet. It just seems like a dream and I will wake up and she will be here. We were starting to plan for our next WDW trip and she kept telling me she was not going to be able to come. Not sure WDW will ever be the same as my mom came with us every time we went.


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## PrincessSuzanne

friend2Figment said:


> I lost my mom this past year 12/19/11, 19 days after we found out that she had cancer. She would have been 72 later this month.
> 
> She was able to come home and spend her last couple days at home with family at her side. If it was not for the excellent help Hospice helped provide I do not know what we would have done.
> 
> *I am not sure I have really come to terms yet. It just seems like a dream and I will wake up and she will be here. We were starting to plan for our next WDW trip and she kept telling me she was not going to be able to come. Not sure WDW will ever be the same as my mom came with us every time we went.*



First of all, I am so sorry for your loss and right at the holidays 

That sounds exctly how I talked when I lost my mom and I still have difficult days, especially holidays. I still have times I wish I would wake up or that I could have 1 more day, or just some time to talk to her when she can talk back. 

My experience was a bit different, my mother passed unexpectedly and very quickly, talk about a shock. Hospice was a blessing when my grandmother passed away.

The first thing I wanted to do after her funeral was to take off and go to WDW, because I thought I would feel closer to her there. Our trips are so bittersweet now with her memories, I always kind of feel her presence when we're there and we always make sure to do something that she liked to do like ride IASW.

You will eventually feel better, I didn't believe that when everyone told me that, but it does get better, although it will never disappear.


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## Shelly F - Ohio

Here is a big  for you. I can see how it feels like a dream to you after lossing your Mom. The holidays came and you have been if fast forward for a few weeks now. 
Now that the holidays are over it may hit you so have your support network close by. Remember we are here too. We have walked in your shoes and will help you through this. 
Planning a WDW trip is a great diversion. When are you going? Where will you be staying at? 





friend2Figment said:


> I lost my mom this past year 12/19/11, 19 days after we found out that she had cancer. She would have been 72 later this month.
> 
> She was able to come home and spend her last couple days at home with family at her side. If it was not for the excellent help Hospice helped provide I do not know what we would have done.
> 
> I am not sure I have really come to terms yet. It just seems like a dream and I will wake up and she will be here. We were starting to plan for our next WDW trip and she kept telling me she was not going to be able to come. Not sure WDW will ever be the same as my mom came with us every time we went.


----------



## latmck

friend2Figment said:


> I lost my mom this past year 12/19/11, 19 days after we found out that she had cancer. She would have been 72 later this month.
> 
> She was able to come home and spend her last couple days at home with family at her side. If it was not for the excellent help Hospice helped provide I do not know what we would have done.
> 
> I am not sure I have really come to terms yet. It just seems like a dream and I will wake up and she will be here. We were starting to plan for our next WDW trip and she kept telling me she was not going to be able to come. Not sure WDW will ever be the same as my mom came with us every time we went.



I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mother almost 9 months ago. And sometimes I still feels like its a dream too. I have gotten thru my first holidays without her. I remembered telling my mom that I was going to take her on our second trip to WDW this yr. Like your mom, she said the same thing that she isn't going to be here much longer to see that magical place. I think that both of your moms knew that their time on this Earth was not going to be long. 

It has been difficult at times especially when I want to talk to her. Yesterday, I got a chance to talk to her friend up north. Mom and her friend use to talk twice a wk. Mom's friend is an elderly lady and mom would call to check on her. Mom's friend missed her dearly and had a few crying spells on the phone. I amazed myself that I handled it well...I cried too but at the same time was consoling her too. She missed those calls and talking to mom just like me. Next month, I decided to take grief support class at a local church. I heard that it is a wonderful support program. I believe that it is nationwide. It's called griefshare.org if anybody wants to check it out.

Thanks for keeping this thread going....


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## Heluvsme

I want to offer my most sincere condolences to everyone here.  I have seen this thread but haven't read any posts, until this morning.  I thought even opening it up would just start a whole new 'can of worms' so to speak.  

And get this... it's been 13 years since my mom was cured of cancer.  I say "cured of cancer" because even the terminology of "died..." vs. "cured..." seems to help my mindset.  13 years and some days it still feels like it just happened, although it does get less raw.

I'll say more later, but I wanted to add my support to those of you who are in a very raw state of suffering right now.  I know what it's like, yet we're all so different in our grief.  My best friend also passed, 2 years ago, at age 40, from breast cancer, she left her 2 sweet kiddos behind... ages 12 and 9.  I try to help them through as best I can, but ... well, you all know... that is something that almost has to be journeyed at their own pace.  

Sending you all a lot of love right now... I wish you all more good days than bad, and I hope for you all to allow your sweet memories to wrap themselves around you and comfort you.

~Dawn


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## Shelly F - Ohio

Ever have one of those days where you really need your Mom? Today is one of those days. I need some hugs and compassion today  and a few prayers to keep me going.


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## Heluvsme

Shelly F.... consider yourself hugged!!!



I just said a prayer for you, and for everyone who is suffering.  


There's a passage in The Secret Life Of Bees, and this isn't an exact quote, but the sentiment has always stuck with me.  A motherless child is told by a woman who is her guardian of sorts, and very nurturing towards her, "Sometimes we have to learn to mother ourselves."  Again, not an exact quote, but the explanation goes on to say that we learn to do what we need to to comfort ourselves, we get to know ourselves---our needs and our wants--- better, and then learn to compensate as best we can by nurturing ourselves. 

Not even close to having your own mom though.


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## Shelly F - Ohio

Some times I just need a hug and reassurance that everything will be okay 



Heluvsme said:


> Shelly F.... consider yourself hugged!!!
> 
> 
> 
> I just said a prayer for you, and for everyone who is suffering.
> 
> 
> There's a passage in The Secret Life Of Bees, and this isn't an exact quote, but the sentiment has always stuck with me.  A motherless child is told by a woman who is her guardian of sorts, and very nurturing towards her, "Sometimes we have to learn to mother ourselves."  Again, not an exact quote, but the explanation goes on to say that we learn to do what we need to to comfort ourselves, we get to know ourselves---our needs and our wants--- better, and then learn to compensate as best we can by nurturing ourselves.
> 
> Not even close to having your own mom though.


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## PrincessSuzanne

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> Ever have one of those days where you really need your Mom? Today is one of those days. I need some hugs and compassion today  and a few prayers to keep me going.





Shelly F - Ohio said:


> Some times I just need a hug and reassurance that everything will be okay



I know exactly how that feels. I just have to sit down and cry and that seems to help.


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## Bareacuda

PrincessSuzanne said:


> I know exactly how that feels. I just have to sit down and cry and that seems to help.


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## shoes99

I'm glad I can come back to this post when I feel sad and miss my Mom. Tomorrow January 23rd would have  been her 90th birthday, but sadly she got sick at age 68 and was in a nursing home for the last 4 years of her life   until she died at age 79. I just wish I could hear her voice again, sometimes I still can.  Hugs to all the daughters who are missing their Mom today..
Michele


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## ImaDVCwannabe

This has been an encouraging thread. It helps to hear from others who really understand how I feel. I lost my Mama on Monday Jan 30th 2012 after a very brave two year battle with cancer. She went way too soon and way to young. She had just turned 62 in September. I know that time will help but I am really struggling with the fact that she will not be around to watch my beautiful children grow up. I feel cheated that my baby boy wont remember her. Thanks for making this thread. Its nice to have a place to vent.


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## Twende

Lydia, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom.  I lost my mom in Oct 2011.  It has been unbelievably difficult for me.  I miss her so much!

I lost her first to what everyone but me,  thought was Alzheimers.  She was not following the normal course of deterioration so I kept saying that she had dementia from strokes.  After my father died in March 2011, my brothers took her away from me, her home and everything she knew and confined her in an institution. I lost her again because of this.  They would not tell me where they put her.  I was told that within a week she had stopped walking.  She walked almost a mile every day with me.  I just got her death certificate and she died of starvation.  She refused to eat for them.  I also just got her brain report back and she did not have Alzheimers she had vascular dementia.

I wish being right made me feel better.  If only I could have found out where they took her and rescued her.  I know she would still be alive if she was with me!  It is all so unbelievable! 

Two nights ago, I dreamed of her for the first time.  She was smiling with tears in her eyes.  She was walking behind me and saying goodbye to things.  At one point she was walking under the train station at Disney World and saying her goodbyes to her beloved mouse!  She was with my dad and he was doing the same thing.  I got a strange peace from the dream.


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## PrincessSuzanne

ImaDVCwannabe said:


> This has been an encouraging thread. It helps to hear from others who really understand how I feel. I lost my Mama on Monday Jan 30th 2012 after a very brave two year battle with cancer. She went way too soon and way to young. She had just turned 62 in September. I know that time will help but I am really struggling with the fact that she will not be around to watch my beautiful children grow up. I feel cheated that my baby boy wont remember her. Thanks for making this thread. Its nice to have a place to vent.



Welcome, sorry you have to be here under these circumstances, but know the rest of us know just how you feel. I lost my mom when she was young, only 60, but I had no idea she was going to leave me.

Just know that she will get to watch your children grow up, maybe not in the traditional sense, but she will. Also, keep her memory alive so that your youngest will know her. I was 5 when my grandfather died, but I will always have memories of thinge we did together, but mostly because my grandmother and mom made sure to keep his spirit with me.



Twende said:


> Lydia, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom.  I lost my mom in Oct 2011.  It has been unbelievably difficult for me.  I miss her so much!
> 
> I lost her first to what everyone but me,  thought was Alzheimers.  She was not following the normal course of deterioration so I kept saying that she had dementia from strokes.  After my father died in March 2011, my brothers took her away from me, her home and everything she knew and confined her in an institution. I lost her again because of this.  They would not tell me where they put her.  I was told that within a week she had stopped walking.  She walked almost a mile every day with me.  I just got her death certificate and she died of starvation.  She refused to eat for them.  I also just got her brain report back and she did not have Alzheimers she had vascular dementia.
> 
> I wish being right made me feel better.  If only I could have found out where they took her and rescued her.  I know she would still be alive if she was with me!  It is all so unbelievable!
> 
> Two nights ago, I dreamed of her for the first time.  She was smiling with tears in her eyes.  She was walking behind me and saying goodbye to things.  At one point she was walking under the train station at Disney World and saying her goodbyes to her beloved mouse!  She was with my dad and he was doing the same thing.  I got a strange peace from the dream.




That sounds so much like the way my grandmother died, although they do believe she had Alzheimers and we did everything we could, it was the fast progressing kind. My aunt took her, to try to help until my mom could retire, but instead didn't provide her with the care she needed and there was no excuse for it, there were 5 grown adults in their home who could have prevented what happened to her. My mom and I did for many months, just the 2 of us. I gave them detailed instructions. I have lived with feeling guilty, I had been caring for her, but had to go back to work, but it wasn't my fault and they have to live with what they did.

My grandmother got to a point where she didn't want to eat and we did everything possible, the doctor gave her meds to try to get her to eat, which helped a little bit, but not much, they sort of lose the part of the brain that lets them know they are hungry, that they can walk, take care of themselves, it's very difficult.

It has been just over 3 years since I lost my mom and while it has gotten better, life will never truely be completely normal again, but know that we are here to support each other.

My mom's 64the birthday is coming up on Saturday and I have to spend the day alone, that will be very difficult


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## kimmyann

I didn't know this thread was here.  I lost my mom on Feb 28, 2008 to complications from COPD.  Time has helped, I no longer get those bouts of horrible, helpless, empty feelings of pain like I did.  Now I just live with guilt & regrets.

My mother had a history of mental illness & would not let us help her.  She would complain excessively of being lonely, but would never move in with any of her five kids or allow us to move in with her. (this is after my dad died in 2002 of pancreatic cancer)  I became very frustrated with her, to the point I would ignore her phone calls sometimes just to keep my sanity.  My brother moved her out of her house & into a assisted living facility in January 2008.  After several hospital visits, I knew she was very unhealthy, but she continued to smoke even with full oxygen.  I got a phone call at 3am that she was being taken again to the hospital.  So of course I got up & went.  This time it was different...when the Dr finally came out he took my sister & I to a room & informed us that she was incubated because she could not breathe on her on.  When we were finally able to see her she could not speak.  We asked her to write down what she wanted, she said a coke, we all laughed, never realizing that was the last time we would ever communicate with her again.

Then.....we killed her.  After a week of the Dr's trying for her to breathe on her own, we were left with the decision of taking her off the ventilator & let nature take it's course or having a permanent one put in her throat & her be in such a bad state that she would be bedridden for the rest of her life.  There was no recovery.  I feel sometimes that we should have let her live, that maybe she would have gotten better enough to function.  I know her family Dr told the hospital that she was not even a candidate for a ventilator, but I still can't get past the guilt that we killed her.  She would have never gave up on any of us like that.  After her death, some of my siblings pushed for her apartment & house to be cleaned out as quick as possible, another regret.  It was too fast.  We threw away things I want back.  I didn't get time to say goodbye to the house I grew up in.  I can't get anything back & it hurts.

A couple of things that have helped me (or maybe not) is that the morning she died, I had went home for a few hours of sleep.  I had a dream that I was in a room & two nurses (old fashioned ones with the big hats) where sitting down when I walked in & said something like "she is fine, we will take care of her now".  The phone woke me up from that dream...it was my sister in law calling to tell me my mom just died. I & my brother had dreams after that, which really made me believe that there is a process to dying.  I also have recently realized that maybe she wasn't so crazy....looking back I now understand alot of why she was the way she was, I just wish I could let her know.

Sorry this got so long, I just have kept it in for a long time.  Thank you for having this thread.

Kim


----------



## mikamah

Kimmyann- I am so sorry for the loss of your mom, and for the regret.  You did not kill her, the COPD killed her, and you were able to make the decision  to let nature take its course, and to allow her to go with dignity and comfort.  It is such a hard decision and I hope you can find peace with it, and know you did what you felt was best for her, and what the doctors also thought was best too.  

 I lost my mom almost 3 years ago, and she had copd, diabetes, and multiple health issues, and being a nurse I feared the day me and my siblings might have to make that decision, but then she was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and passed a month later.  I think no matter what happens we always have regrets, and wonder if we could have done more to help the ones we've lost.  

It is so hard with copd, and I have watched many people struggle with that disease, and I think you did the right thing, and your mom is at peace now.  I would like to think she is out there, and knows what you are feeling.  I agree the dream you had right as she died seems like a sign she is ok, and would not want you to be feeling badly.  Hang in there.  I hope talking about the guilt can help you find peace with it too.


----------



## Karabee

Never knew that this post existed until I decided to play around a bit on the Disboards for more than just "Resorts" and "restaurants". With Mother's Day coming up this was a nice thread to read in the sense that you feel you're not alone. I lost my mother 3 years ago to Breast Cancer - her 3rd time having it. She was 13 days past her 56th birthday (way too young) and I was 4 days past my 26th. Needless to say that time of year is no longer really "special" to me.  I'm sure we can all say that one thing is for sure about it - it sucks!


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## ACDSNY

Karabee said:


> I'm sure we can all say that one thing is for sure about it - it sucks!


 
I'm sure we all will agree with you on this no matter how old we are.

Sorry for you loss.


----------



## Inventor

Just found this thread...actually just rejoined. When it started my mom was still alive. I lost her one month ago but I survived my first mother's day without her and now my first birthday. I am happy she is out of pain but oh I miss her. 

Maybe Tinkerbell will go up to Heaven and give her a hug for me too.


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## quasar4legs

Inventor said:


> Just found this thread...actually just rejoined. When it started my mom was still alive. I lost her one month ago but I survived my first mother's day without her and now my first birthday. I am happy she is out of pain but oh I miss her.
> 
> Maybe Tinkerbell will go up to Heaven and give her a hug for me too.




I am sorry that you have lost your precious mum, "first" days are so hard after we lose someone we love.
Hold your special memories of your mum close to your heart. 
Sending you a big

Quasar


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## Deesknee

This is my first Memorial Day without my Mom. I expected to be sad on Mothers Day, I thank God I have the husband & kids I do, they did EVERYTHING they could to make it simply soothing for me. I however, didn't expect for this weekend to hit me so hard.  I have always gone to the cemetarys (grandparents and brother) planting flowers and such, but have really thought of it more of an "american veterans remembrance day". Today we went to the cemetary (flowers were already planted for Easter/Mothers Day. Although, I know it "was her time" I miss her so much.  As DH & I plan a vow renewal, and trip to WDW, it just doesn't seem right without her. 
A side note.. we also went to the grave of a dear friend who took his own life in March, so I know that is hitting me too. It's a long sad story, but his name has not been added to the tomb stone yet, and that upset me as well.   I do take comfort in believing in the forgiveness of sins & that he & my Mom are in heaven playing Yahtzee together.  They loved each other very much.
Sorry, this has been wordy.  But thanks to all who started & kept this going so I & others have some where to type as the tears drip down.  Peace to all.


----------



## quasar4legs

Deesknee said:


> This is my first Memorial Day without my Mom. I expected to be sad on Mothers Day, I thank God I have the husband & kids I do, they did EVERYTHING they could to make it simply soothing for me. I however, didn't expect for this weekend to hit me so hard.  I have always gone to the cemetarys (grandparents and brother) planting flowers and such, but have really thought of it more of an "american veterans remembrance day". Today we went to the cemetary (flowers were already planted for Easter/Mothers Day. Although, I know it "was her time" I miss her so much.  As DH & I plan a vow renewal, and trip to WDW, it just doesn't seem right without her.
> A side note.. we also went to the grave of a dear friend who took his own life in March, so I know that is hitting me too. It's a long sad story, but his name has not been added to the tomb stone yet, and that upset me as well.   I do take comfort in believing in the forgiveness of sins & that he & my Mom are in heaven playing Yahtzee together.  They loved each other very much.
> Sorry, this has been wordy.  But thanks to all who started & kept this going so I & others have some where to type as the tears drip down.  Peace to all.




I guess we all know that the natural order of things is bury our parents but somehow that doesn't make losing them any easier. It is so hard to have all family celebrations without people that we love, there is always that ache in your heart.

Best wishes to you and your husband for your vow renewal I am sure your mother will 'be there' (if that makes sense).

 to you and your family

Quasar


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## Deesknee

quasar4legs said:


> I guess we all know that the natural order of things is bury our parents but somehow that doesn't make losing them any easier. It is so hard to have all family celebrations without people that we love, there is always that ache in your heart.
> 
> Best wishes to you and your husband for your vow renewal I am sure your mother will 'be there' (if that makes sense).
> 
> to you and your family
> 
> Quasar



Thank you. And you are right, she is with me every day.


----------



## bound2travel

Kimmyann, I also lost my Mom to complications from COPD (Feb. 2001). She was in a nursing home at the time. 

The main thing I want to say to you is that *you did not kill your Mom*. You made a choice to end her suffering which I believe is very humane. When my Mamaw was dying, the doctors asked my Mom and Aunt to make a decision whether to hook her up to any machines or let nature take its course. They chose nature and both were glad they did. Mamaw didn't have any kind of life at that point and neither did your Mom. 

I have complete sympathy for you because you had to make that decision. I was lucky, Mom had a living will and lectured us for YEARS that she want no machines. She didn't even want CPR. You had a tough decision to make but I believe it was the right one for your Mom.

My Dad was still living and he had me clean out Mom's closet 4 days later. I didn't want to do it, but I did it for him. I lost him in August 2003.

It's been 11 years since my Mom died and there are still times I feel a gaping hole. 

I'm sorry your siblings decided to "clean house" so soon. Its hard to know what you want to keep when you are hurting. Dad handed me stuff to have from Mom - one of which was a bottle of sherry. I think its still in my garage. 

Before this gets WAY too long. I just want to reiterate that I can comprehend the guilt and regrets that you feel but I just wish I could do something / say something so that you understand that you didn't kill your Mom. You helped her move on. If you haven't sought counseling, I strongly urge you to do so. It can be helpful.

Send me a pm if you ever need to talk.

Kristi



kimmyann said:


> I didn't know this thread was here.  I lost my mom on Feb 28, 2008 to complications from COPD.  Time has helped, I no longer get those bouts of horrible, helpless, empty feelings of pain like I did.  Now I just live with guilt & regrets.
> 
> My mother had a history of mental illness & would not let us help her.  She would complain excessively of being lonely, but would never move in with any of her five kids or allow us to move in with her. (this is after my dad died in 2002 of pancreatic cancer)  I became very frustrated with her, to the point I would ignore her phone calls sometimes just to keep my sanity.  My brother moved her out of her house & into a assisted living facility in January 2008.  After several hospital visits, I knew she was very unhealthy, but she continued to smoke even with full oxygen.  I got a phone call at 3am that she was being taken again to the hospital.  So of course I got up & went.  This time it was different...when the Dr finally came out he took my sister & I to a room & informed us that she was incubated because she could not breathe on her on.  When we were finally able to see her she could not speak.  We asked her to write down what she wanted, she said a coke, we all laughed, never realizing that was the last time we would ever communicate with her again.
> 
> Then.....we killed her.  After a week of the Dr's trying for her to breathe on her own, we were left with the decision of taking her off the ventilator & let nature take it's course or having a permanent one put in her throat & her be in such a bad state that she would be bedridden for the rest of her life.  There was no recovery.  I feel sometimes that we should have let her live, that maybe she would have gotten better enough to function.  I know her family Dr told the hospital that she was not even a candidate for a ventilator, but I still can't get past the guilt that we killed her.  She would have never gave up on any of us like that.  After her death, some of my siblings pushed for her apartment & house to be cleaned out as quick as possible, another regret.  It was too fast.  We threw away things I want back.  I didn't get time to say goodbye to the house I grew up in.  I can't get anything back & it hurts.
> 
> A couple of things that have helped me (or maybe not) is that the morning she died, I had went home for a few hours of sleep.  I had a dream that I was in a room & two nurses (old fashioned ones with the big hats) where sitting down when I walked in & said something like "she is fine, we will take care of her now".  The phone woke me up from that dream...it was my sister in law calling to tell me my mom just died. I & my brother had dreams after that, which really made me believe that there is a process to dying.  I also have recently realized that maybe she wasn't so crazy....looking back I now understand alot of why she was the way she was, I just wish I could let her know.
> 
> Sorry this got so long, I just have kept it in for a long time.  Thank you for having this thread.
> 
> Kim


----------



## bound2travel

I did read this before I posted. You said what I wanted to so much better.  for all



mikamah said:


> Kimmyann- I am so sorry for the loss of your mom, and for the regret.  You did not kill her, the COPD killed her, and you were able to make the decision  to let nature take its course, and to allow her to go with dignity and comfort.  It is such a hard decision and I hope you can find peace with it, and know you did what you felt was best for her, and what the doctors also thought was best too.
> 
> I lost my mom almost 3 years ago, and she had copd, diabetes, and multiple health issues, and being a nurse I feared the day me and my siblings might have to make that decision, but then she was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and passed a month later.  I think no matter what happens we always have regrets, and wonder if we could have done more to help the ones we've lost.
> 
> It is so hard with copd, and I have watched many people struggle with that disease, and I think you did the right thing, and your mom is at peace now.  I would like to think she is out there, and knows what you are feeling.  I agree the dream you had right as she died seems like a sign she is ok, and would not want you to be feeling badly.  Hang in there.  I hope talking about the guilt can help you find peace with it too.


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## usd2bmd

I ventured off of the Community Board and found this...and I am so glad that I did. I lost my mother unexpectedly this past February. 

 In the past 18 months we had decided it was time to put mom into an assisted living facility as she was having dificulty taking care of herself and none of my siblings and I had the space to take her in. It was an emotional decision and trying at best especially for my sister and I who handled most everything. She seeme dto like where she was, took part in the activities and made friends. 

 We noticed last fall that mom seemed to forget things and get confused more, but that was fine. My DD (16) was especially close with her as mom had taken care of her when she was a couple of months old when I went back to work until the time she was old enought to stay by herself. 

ZMy DD and I went to see her the week before my DD's 16th birthday. The next week we received a call that mom had the flu. the next day they called to say they were taking her to the hospital to give her fluids that she was dehydrated. When she arrived at the hospital they called us to say that we should get there as soon as possible that it wouldn't be long.

I am thankful that we were there with her at the end, but my daughter will always rememeber her 16th birthday as the day "gramma Shirley" died.

We all love and miss her everyday, but try to keep her memory alive.


----------



## Deesknee

usd2bmd said:


> I ventured off of the Community Board and found this...and I am so glad that I did. I lost my mother unexpectedly this past February.
> 
> In the past 18 months we had decided it was time to put mom into an assisted living facility as she was having dificulty taking care of herself and none of my siblings and I had the space to take her in. It was an emotional decision and trying at best especially for my sister and I who handled most everything. She seeme dto like where she was, took part in the activities and made friends.
> 
> We noticed last fall that mom seemed to forget things and get confused more, but that was fine. My DD (16) was especially close with her as mom had taken care of her when she was a couple of months old when I went back to work until the time she was old enought to stay by herself.
> 
> ZMy DD and I went to see her the week before my DD's 16th birthday. The next week we received a call that mom had the flu. the next day they called to say they were taking her to the hospital to give her fluids that she was dehydrated. When she arrived at the hospital they called us to say that we should get there as soon as possible that it wouldn't be long.
> 
> I am thankful that we were there with her at the end, but my daughter will always rememeber her 16th birthday as the day "gramma Shirley" died.
> 
> We all love and miss her everyday, but try to keep her memory alive.





I'm so sorry for your loss.  Your DD will always remember that. BUT, she will have many many happy birthdays in future years that she will remember too.  I was extremely close to my Gramps. He died 35 days before my 16th bday, just weeks before Christmas. I had many happy birthdays over the years, but  that one, was lonely there was someone missing. I hope your daughter celebrates every birthday from this point on with everyone she loves. Bless you both.


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## usd2bmd

Thank you so much. DD and my mother were very close having spent so much time together when she was growing up. ZMy mither was in a bowling league and my daughter always went with her before she was in school. At my mothers wake some of the women she bowled with sought my daughter out to tell her how beautiful she was and how wonderfully she had grown up and how my mother beemed when she talked about her (even though my mom had 7 other grandchildren).

It made me both happy and sad that they had shared all those special moments, bt that she woudn't be here for the important ones still to come!




Deesknee said:


> I'm so sorry for your loss. Your DD will always remember that. BUT, she will have many many happy birthdays in future years that she will remember too. I was extremely close to my Gramps. He died 35 days before my 16th bday, just weeks before Christmas. I had many happy birthdays over the years, but that one, was lonely there was someone missing. I hope your daughter celebrates every birthday from this point on with everyone she loves. Bless you both.


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## MinnieM4

Hello. My mom died in 2006 of breast cancer that metastasized and ate her up. She was very active on the boards here, and I discovered a way to read all her old posts today. I spent hours doing that. Now I'm just kind of numb. Sometimes I think if I live in the past enough she will be alive.

Anyone here?

Melisss


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## 4 DZNY NUTZ

love feeling the connection on this thread.  Let me start out by saying that I am 44 years old and lost my dad when I was 14 of a massive stroke (he was only 55) and then lost my mom when I was 16 to stomach & lung cancer.  I have 2 brothers as well and I am the youngest of the 3 kids.  My first brother died when he was a very young 36 and my other brother just passed away last year at a very young 50.  Sometimes its just so hard not having any of my family here.  Sometimes I miss them so much it can make me physically sick...not to mention emotionally.  I have an awesome husband and 2 of the best sons a mom could ask for but its not the same.  Every year for our easter vacation, my dad used to drive us to disney.  We did that until I turned 13...the next year my dad passed.  So, when I brought my boys to disney for their first time, it was bittersweet.  I still get a tear in my eye whenever we go. So, my way of thinking after such tragedy in my life is enjoy it while you can....you never know when that moment will come.  Make memories for you kids to enjoy for years to come....words & actions I live by


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## ACDSNY

4 DZNY NUTZ said:


> So, my way of thinking after such tragedy in my life is enjoy it while you can....you never know when that moment will come. Make memories for you kids to enjoy for years to come....words & actions I live by


 

Very wise words to live by.  Loosing those close to us does change the way you look at life.  Hugs to you.


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## Zoiebear

Will say if youve lot your mom check out the book motherless daughters by Hope Edelman. It is the best book it really speaks to those of us who have lost our mom regardless how long ago or how recent regardless of your age!!!!


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## bushdianee

I just lost my mom 11 days ago. I was with her holding her hand when she passed. Even though I have 7 siblings I was her primary caretaker for several years. We had almost 7 seven "extra" years with her as she had suffered sudden cardiac death almost 7 years ago and we were given no hope for her survival that night. We were also told that if she did survive she would be brain damaged. That was the first time she proved the doctors wrong. They ended up putting a a defibrilator/pacemaker in (which fired 2x) and only had some slight memory loss. We were told at least 3 more times she wouldn't survive pnuemonia. She defied them one last time recently when she was taken off of a ventilator after tests showed she couldn't breathe on her own and lived exactly a month. She was mentally alert for most of the month. She also had COPD, spinal stenosis and severe arthritis. Between one sister and I we were able to keep her home as long as possible. She finally entered a nursing home in January of this year when her lack of mobility became too much of an issue. The others helped, some more than others but it fell primarily to the 2 of us and a sister-in-law who brought her lunch and checked on her every day while I was at work. We had also cared for my dad who died from alzheimer's 8 years ago and our maternal grandmother who also had alzheimer's.

The extra 7 seven years allowed her to see 2 more of her children and 3 grandchildren get married, 3 more grandchildren and 5 great-grandchildren be born, and do some traveling. We took a Disney cruise, went to Las Vegas where I pushed her in a wheelchair up and down the strip in Las Vegas from the MGM Grand to the Mirage! We also made a trip to Arizona and several trips back to our home town to see friends and family. Her favorite place to visit by car was the Precious Moments chapel in Carthege, MO which is about a 7 hour drive from us. 

So here I am at 54, never married, no children and living by myself for pretty much the first time in my life. By the time I was financially able to move out of my parents' home they were needing help so I stayed. I figured they were there when I needed them (I had ovarian cancer at age 21) so I had be be there when they needed help. I do work full time and will be financially okay even though I have my own health issues.


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## MinnieM4

I am missing my mom so much today that it is physically painful. Just needed to tell someone. Called my aunt (moms sister) and asked her to come over and she said she doesn't think she can - I told her she's not as good as my mom. I know, immature. She said "I know". I guess she gets it.

Hope no one else is feeling like this today.


<3


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## ACDSNY

bushdianee said:


> I just lost my mom 11 days ago. I was with her holding her hand when she passed. Even though I have 7 siblings I was her primary caretaker for several years.
> 
> The extra 7 seven years allowed her to see 2 more of her children and 3 grandchildren get married, 3 more grandchildren and 5 great-grandchildren be born, and do some traveling. We took a Disney cruise, went to Las Vegas where I pushed her in a wheelchair up and down the strip in Las Vegas from the MGM Grand to the Mirage! We also made a trip to Arizona and several trips back to our home town to see friends and family. Her favorite place to visit by car was the Precious Moments chapel in Carthege, MO which is about a 7 hour drive from us.
> 
> So here I am at 54, never married, no children and living by myself for pretty much the first time in my life.


 
  That's wonderful you were blessed with 7 extra years with you Mom and were able to travel too.  Just take it one day at a time and you'll be fine.



MinnieM4 said:


> I am missing my mom so much today that it is physically painful. Just needed to tell someone. Called my aunt (moms sister) and asked her to come over and she said she doesn't think she can - I told her she's not as good as my mom. I know, immature. She said "I know". I guess she gets it.
> 
> Hope no one else is feeling like this today.
> 
> 
> <3


 
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.  You're welcome to vent her anytime.  It's probably hard for your Aunt too as she's lost her sister and going through her own grieving process.


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## Shelly F - Ohio

I need a hug in the worst way right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to be dead right now.


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## quasar4legs

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> I need a hug in the worst way right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Hi Shelly,

Sending you a great big hug

Send me a pm if you feel like talking.

Hope you ok.

Hugs


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## Heluvsme

Keep looking forward.  There were times right after my mom died, and for a long time afterwards, that I honestly didn't think I could make it through another day. But I knew in my heart the last thing my mom would have wanted was for me to lose precious time mourning her to the point of not living my life to the fullest. 

My mom was cured of cancer the day she died. She was cured (died) on my birthday. My birthday potentially has the power to send me over the edge every single year, but I choose--- it's a conscious choice---to look at it like that was the day she was CURED!!!  It's a small, semantical thing, but psychologically it holds a lot of positive power for me!!! 

Sending you all love today...


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## PrincessSuzanne

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> I need a hug in the worst way right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> I want to be dead right now.



Hugs to you Shelly , please send a message if you want to talk, we are here for you.

Sunday will mark the 4th Anniversary that my mom passed away, needless to say, I am not looking forward to it. I'm hoping I will have good news that we can go on our WDW trip and be happier, especially knowing it was her favorite place and we had such a great time there together.

Hugs to everyone missing their moms today


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## Shelly F - Ohio

Well today is my birthday and I only cried once even though I told myself I wouldn't! 

My day has been low keyed so far. Other than the near killer headache I woke up with. But it went away with the right meds. And to make the meds work better and faster I decided to eat a small piece of lemon cake for breakfast. Yum. No worse than eating pancakes so I figured why not! 

Ran a few errands and thought that I should go to the cemetry but thought it would make me sad so I postponed it. 

Suzanne I know that it can be hard to go to a place that your Mom liked to go. But she would want you to go. I use to have a hard time going to the mall without thinking of my mom. Now our mall has changed so much it doesn't hurt. 
When you go to Disney do something that your Mom did not do while she was there. This way it won't have any memory linked to your Mom and it should take your mind off of missing her while you are there. 
Renting a bike and biking around Fort Wilderness is a great activity. Visit the the AoA resort and have lunch. I hear there is a build your own pasta and salad area there that sounds great.


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## PrincessSuzanne

Shelly F - Ohio said:
			
		

> Well today is my birthday and I only cried once even though I told myself I wouldn't!
> 
> My day has been low keyed so far. Other than the near killer headache I woke up with. But it went away with the right meds. And to make the meds work better and faster I decided to eat a small piece of lemon cake for breakfast. Yum. No worse than eating pancakes so I figured why not!
> 
> Ran a few errands and thought that I should go to the cemetry but thought it would make me sad so I postponed it.
> 
> Suzanne I know that it can be hard to go to a place that your Mom liked to go. But she would want you to go. I use to have a hard time going to the mall without thinking of my mom. Now our mall has changed so much it doesn't hurt.
> When you go to Disney do something that your Mom did not do while she was there. This way it won't have any memory linked to your Mom and it should take your mind off of missing her while you are there.
> Renting a bike and biking around Fort Wilderness is a great activity. Visit the the AoA resort and have lunch. I hear there is a build your own pasta and salad area there that sounds great.



Happy Birthday! My husband's birthday was yesterday. 

You sound so much better today. 

I think she may be the reason we go to WDW so much, it is a happy place for all of us. I love reminiscing about things we loved to do together and doing things and thinking she would have loved doing it.


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## Kyprian

This has been a comforting thread to visit. I recently lost my Momma to cancer, July 9, 2012... She was 46 years old. For the past 7 or 8 months, my mom had not been feeling well, but chose to treat her aches and pains with chiropractic care. It wasn't until 2 weeks before my mother passed, that she decided to get a second opinion and go to the hospital. That's when they discovered that she had cancer and just how sever it was. My mother had lung cancer, but by the time they found it, it had spread to her kidneys, liver, she had developed several "masses" on her brain, in her stomach, on her bottom and even had a cancerous tumor that had grown on her spine and had ate away and caused one of her vertebrae to break off. 

I have struggled so much with all of this--While teenage years with my Momma were rocky, she truly became and was my best friend. She was the first person I would call if anything went wrong or if I just needed to openly and honestly vent. While I have people who I know love me very much, I now feel like I have no one...Or rather, I have people who will listen, but I feel like I don't have anyone that I can just be myself around. I just feel so alone...


----------



## bushdianee

To those who are hurting, if you have siblings get together with them it really helps. One of my mom's biggest fears about dying was that the family would fall apart. We promised her that wouldn't happen. 
It has only been just over a month since Mom passed we hve been together more than ever. Last weekend seven out of the eight siblings and other family memers went to an amusement park  3 hours away for the weekend. We had a caravan of 5 cars and needed 5 hotel rooms. Even though it was the only day it rained all summer we still had a great time. One of my brothers even proposed to his girlfriend while we were there. This weekend 2 of my sisters and I got together to see a movie then back to one of their houses for a cookout with her family. One of my sisters, a brother & his wife are on vacation togther visiting relatives in our hometown. The 4 sisters are planning a trip to Vegas just after the holidays. We are all calling and talking to each other more than we ever have. I just hope it continues.


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## Alysa

So many of you have such strong and beautiful stories. A friend recently told me that when your mum passes away you never stop missing them. I'd be satisfied with being able to go through the day without crying. My mum died  over a month ago and left such a hole. I used to talk to her every day and now I feel so sad and alone. We used to talk on the phone every day and now there is so much I wish I could tell her. I can't imagine how hard it will be to not introduce her grandson to her. God, I miss her so much. 
Hugs and prayers to all of you who are hurting right now.


----------



## PrincessSuzanne

Alysa said:


> So many of you have such strong and beautiful stories. A friend recently told me that when your mum passes away you never stop missing them. I'd be satisfied with being able to go through the day without crying. My mum died  over a month ago and left such a hole. I used to talk to her every day and now I feel so sad and alone. We used to talk on the phone every day and now there is so much I wish I could tell her. I can't imagine how hard it will be to not introduce her grandson to her. God, I miss her so much.
> Hugs and prayers to all of you who are hurting right now.



 We have all been where you are right now. Your firend is right, you will never stop missing her, and you shouldn't. My grandfather passed away in 1979, my favorite aunt in 1996, my grandmother in 2001 (just 5 months before I got married) and my mom in 2008 and I still miss them all. We were very, very close. My mom, I miss the most, of course. 

Your loss is still so fresh, allow yourself time to mourn, cry everyday, more thn once if you feel like it. I know that feeling like something is missing, my mom lived with me and I was with her when she collapsed, that is something I will NEVER forget, but it does get easier. I felt guilty, because I got through the anniversary of her death and didn't cry, but I know that it was ok not to cry, she wouldn't want me to cry. I read something on facebook this morning that a friend posted about mising your mom and I cried. I cried almost constantly the first year, but someone stepped into my life and brought me back out of that and it was like I woke up again. 

Tell her what you want to, she can hear you, she probably knows before you can even tell her. She will see her grandson, maybe not in the traditional way, but she will and I am sure she is smiling down on you everyday. She will always be there no matter what. I have had a few times, where I felt my mom there and she saved my life at least once.


----------



## Alysa

Suzanne, I wanted to say thank you so much for your kind words. I don't know if you can only help someone if you truly know how it feels but what you wrote was the most comforting I have read since she died. I sent a copy of what you wrote to my sister and I have saved a copy on my desktop as well to read when things get too, too sad. Thank you again.


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## RobinHoodGirl

My mom passed in 2010 after a short battle with brain cancer. She was a breast cancer survivor and slightly in part to her I found the Dis in 2008 when we went on a vacation to help us heal after the death of my father to sinus cancer.

It's nice to know that I now have a place I can go for the though days; it's rather hard to find support groups for adult children who lost parents (I  24 when I lost my dad and was 27 when I lost my mom) so any place I can turn to is helpful


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## SeptemberGirl

My mom died on Friday.  I got through that day, the day after, the wake, the funeral.  Today was the first day after all that stuff.  I can sleep but wake up crying because when I wake up I realize she's gone and not coming back.

My mom was 65 and she battled metastatic breast cancer since 2004.  She was first diagnosed in 1996.  She and my dad were married 43 years.  

My mom was an amazing person, beloved by all my friends.  She was my partner in crime.  We were so close.  I do not know how I will live without her.


----------



## ACDSNY

RobinHoodGirl said:


> It's nice to know that I now have a place I can go for the though days; it's rather hard to find support groups for adult children who lost parents (I 24 when I lost my dad and was 27 when I lost my mom) so any place I can turn to is helpful


 
 Hugs to you on the loss of your parents.  You've come to the right place as we all understand what you're going through.




SeptemberGirl said:


> My mom died on Friday. I got through that day, the day after, the wake, the funeral. Today was the first day after all that stuff. I can sleep but wake up crying because when I wake up I realize she's gone and not coming back.
> 
> My mom was 65 and she battled metastatic breast cancer since 2004. She was first diagnosed in 1996. She and my dad were married 43 years.
> 
> My mom was an amazing person, beloved by all my friends. She was my partner in crime. We were so close. I do not know how I will live without her.


 
May loving memories of your mother help you through these tough days.  Give yourself some time to grieve and take one day at a time.  My mom was my partner in crime too.


----------



## SeptemberGirl

RobinHoodGirl said:


> My mom passed in 2010 after a short battle with brain cancer. She was a breast cancer survivor and slightly in part to her I found the Dis in 2008 when we went on a vacation to help us heal after the death of my father to sinus cancer.
> 
> It's nice to know that I now have a place I can go for the though days; it's rather hard to find support groups for adult children who lost parents (I  24 when I lost my dad and was 27 when I lost my mom) so any place I can turn to is helpful



I am so sorry about the loss of both your parents.  Did you mom get the brain cancer from the original breast or was it separate?  Cancer sucks.

I have gone alone to find some support groups in NJ - I see you are in PA.  Are there any there?  I have this crazy idea that it might help.



ACDSNY said:


> May loving memories of your mother help you through these tough days.  Give yourself some time to grieve and take one day at a time.  My mom was my partner in crime too.



We're so lucky to have moms like that, right?  I feel really lucky to have such great memories of her.  And super sad not to have her around to do those things with me.


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## ACDSNY

SeptemberGirl said:


> We're so lucky to have moms like that, right? I feel really lucky to have such great memories of her. And super sad not to have her around to do those things with me.


 
Yes we were very lucky to be blessed with such special moms.


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## RobinHoodGirl

SeptemberGirl said:


> I am so sorry about the loss of both your parents.  Did you mom get the brain cancer from the original breast or was it separate?  Cancer sucks.
> 
> I have gone alone to find some support groups in NJ - I see you are in PA.  Are there any there?  I have this crazy idea that it might help.



The two cancers were separate (was the first question I asked since my dad's cancer had metastasized to his brain) so it was quite a shock.

I had tried to look for support groups but none seemed to fit right for me... I did have one session with a grief councilor who made a great point; since I was visiting my mom 4-5 times a week and saw how the disease was effect every aspect of her that I may had already said good bye slowly to her over the weeks leading up to her death.

I do know when big events come to pass though (Weddings, children, ect...) that's when things are really going to take a toll on me.


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## Eventer98

Just found this thread while looking for one on suicide (lost a dear friend when he took his life this past Sun)  I lost my mom in 04 after a 3 month battle with cancer.  She never met my kids, my husband..nothing.  My sister and my dad are battling their own demons so I feel like I am on my own.  I miss her everyday but what I miss the most are the memories we never made.  We didn't start going to Disney until 06 so she never shared that with me and my family.  Sometimes I get so jealous of my friends who still have their moms.  It hurts.  I don't think the pain ever goes away..you just learn to live with it.  Hugs to everyone else on here.


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## eeyora68

My Mom was diagnosed with metastatic bc in 06 she has fought but the Dr. told us Friday that she can't figure out what is wrong with her liver the tests keep showing no cancer but she was hospitalized for 3 weeks with fever and jaundice after receiving a new chemo. She is getting a mri to find out if it is cancer or if her liver is cirrhotic if it is cancer they can start chemo again but Dr, said that could kill her and if it is cirrhotic then they can only keep her comfortable and said without chemo they give her 3-6 months. I can't stop crying I have children so I will go on for them but I don't know how I will be able to live without her.I feel bad because I feel selfish that I'm feeling bad for myself when she is the who is dying.


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## bushdianee

This has been a rough week. My mom has been gone 3 months this past Friday- the 26th. The first 2 months I had thoughts at exactly the time she died. (I was with her when she passed) This month I was busy at the time taking my young nieces and nephews trick or treating at the mall with my sisters. We all said how much Mom loved seeing the kids dressed up for Halloween but nobody mentioned the date. It hit me later that evening when I was alone. Today with it actually being Halloween hit me hard. I've had more tears today than I've had in a while. My younger nieces and nephews and all of the great nieces and nephews stopped by tonight for their treats and I could picture my Mom sitting in her chair enjoying them. Sunday will be our first family gathering to celebrate the Fall birthdays in the family (15 of them!) without her. I always have Halloween inflatables in the yard and the windows decorated but didn't get around to it this year. Halloween used to have a special meaning for me since it is the anniversary of my being in remission fom ovarian cancer -33 years today. All I feel right now is alone. the siblings I've talked with today all feel the same way.


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## MinnieM4

I lost my Aunt a few days after Thanksgiving. She was my mom after my mom died in 2006. It is still too confusing to deal with. I was busy with exams, and only really got one good cry out after my last exam, then I was sick with the flu for a week and then headed to Disney for a week, and now I suppose it's time to deal with it all.

I am the last woman standing in my family. My other aunt is sort of... absent. And my grandmother is 92 and sort of on the way out, if you know what I mean.

I really really want those women back. I am only 27.


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## Mickeyfollowers

I lost my Mom October 29, 2010.  She had Non Hopkins Lymphoma stage 4.  She had a cord blood stem cell transfusion that depleted her immune system.  She passed away from respiratory failure and a blood infection.  I was there through the night and day before she passed.  I fell apart there in her hospital room and lost a peice of myself.  Till this day my heart aches to just hear her voice and just to see her smile.


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## dznygurl

Wow!  I wish I would have found this thread a long time ago.  I often feel so alone with no one to relate to.  My mom died Jan. 3, 2009 at the age of 58 from esophagus/stomach cancer.  She was diagnosed May 2007.    She was my best friend.  She was such a special and loving lady with a huge heart.  My kids meant the world to her.  We spoke every day.  She was their "second mama".  They spent countless days and nights with her.  They loved their Granny.   I would often call her just to tell her when one of my kids did or said something cute.  She listened and loved hearing those cute stories.  She had told me once how sad she was that she would never see my youngest DS play a sport.  I was able to enroll him into teeball a year early just so she could watch him play ball.  My DH had to coach so he could play, but just to see her smile at him in his baseball uniform was priceless.  I now have no one to share the cute moments with.  My husband is an amazing man, but it just isn't the same.   She whole-heartedly enjoyed every single thing I had to say.  I have one brother (always in some sort of trouble so we don't speak) and no sisters.   Some days I feel so alone and empty.  

I feel angry when my friends talk about going places and doing things with their moms.  I know that I shouldn't feel this way, and it has gotten better in time.  But I truly want to scream when I hear how they went somewheres with their mom or how their mom will be joining them on vacation.   

There is a great comfort in knowing that I am not alone now.  Thank you all for sharing your stories.


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## Pumpkingirl7

dznygurl said:


> Wow!  I wish I would have found this thread a long time ago.  I often feel so alone with no one to relate to.  My mom died Jan. 3, 2009 at the age of 58 from esophagus/stomach cancer.  She was diagnosed May 2007.    She was my best friend.  She was such a special and loving lady with a huge heart.  My kids meant the world to her.  We spoke every day.  She was their "second mama".  They spent countless days and nights with her.  They loved their Granny.   I would often call her just to tell her when one of my kids did or said something cute.  She listened and loved hearing those cute stories.  She had told me once how sad she was that she would never see my youngest DS play a sport.  I was able to enroll him into teeball a year early just so she could watch him play ball.  My DH had to coach so he could play, but just to see her smile at him in his baseball uniform was priceless.  I now have no one to share the cute moments with.  My husband is an amazing man, but it just isn't the same.   She whole-heartedly enjoyed every single thing I had to say.  I have one brother (always in some sort of trouble so we don't speak) and no sisters.   Some days I feel so alone and empty.
> 
> I feel angry when my friends talk about going places and doing things with their moms.  I know that I shouldn't feel this way, and it has gotten better in time.  But I truly want to scream when I hear how they went somewheres with their mom or how their mom will be joining them on vacation.
> 
> There is a great comfort in knowing that I am not alone now.  Thank you all for sharing your stories.



My mom died in June of 2009-- I know your pain.  I have one brother also and a dad that is now remarried... its hard to relate with them... so I know how you feel.


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## DonaldDuck80

I still have mine but my wife is in this group.  She lost her mother to breast cancer when she was only 4 years old.  Due to her youth she doesn't have many memories of her.  Her dad never remarried and his way of coping with it is not to talk about her, so it's been a frustration for my wife because she wants details of who her mom was.  She wants to know what she liked, what holiday traditions she did, etc but her dad shuts her down when she asks.  Then we struggled for seven years with infertility so Mothers Day was massively depressing for my wife.  We finally welcomed an adorable little boy into our lives a little over a year ago but my wife still has pains about her mom not being here to assist her in learning how to become an effective mother herself.


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## Shelly F - Ohio

OMG Girls I need a hug in the worst way 

Last July a 15 yr old boy who lives on our small street attempted to break into our neighbors house as soon as they left for Disney. He also tryed to get into our garage service door. All he did was turn the handle and that was it. Thankfully it was locked. We were up while this was happening and watching it on our video survellence system! We called the police 3 times that night because this kid who is on house arrest was outside of his property. The police ended up arresting him the next day.  He was sentence to jail till Feb 2. he is now out and I am scared.  The neighbors car was stolen and the kid admitted he was in the car but not the driver. He had also stole a garage door opener which the neighbor did not know was missing and the kid robbed them while they were at work. My husband came to bed late one night and found their van sitting in the middle of our cul de sack at 2:00 a.m because when they broke into the house the took a set of keys but the neighbor had the locks changed and he was not able to start the car but was able to get it out of gear and it rolled into the street.  

We are suppose to go to Disney for a semi - solo trip. DH is leaving and spending 2 days on his own at Disney. Then I will join him for 2 1/2 days and he will then come home and I will spend 2 days by myself at Disney.  

I am afraid to be gone from home for fear of this kid. I have smartphone and I can video our security system at anytime which brings me comfort. 

I NEED A HUG and I need to feel that it will be okay to go to Disney.


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## Alysa

Poor you - how awful. Can you go by your neighbourhood police station and talk to someone there and maybe get a policeman to drive by while you are gone? Can a friend stop by and check on things for you? 
Sending best wishes, prayers and pixie dust that all will be okay!


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## Alysa

dznygurl said:


> Wow!  I wish I would have found this thread a long time ago.  I often feel so alone with no one to relate to.  My mom died Jan. 3, 2009 at the age of 58 from esophagus/stomach cancer.  She was diagnosed May 2007.    She was my best friend.  She was such a special and loving lady with a huge heart.  My kids meant the world to her.  We spoke every day.  She was their "second mama".  They spent countless days and nights with her.  They loved their Granny.   I would often call her just to tell her when one of my kids did or said something cute.  She listened and loved hearing those cute stories.  She had told me once how sad she was that she would never see my youngest DS play a sport.  I was able to enroll him into teeball a year early just so she could watch him play ball.  My DH had to coach so he could play, but just to see her smile at him in his baseball uniform was priceless.  I now have no one to share the cute moments with.  My husband is an amazing man, but it just isn't the same.   She whole-heartedly enjoyed every single thing I had to say.  I have one brother (always in some sort of trouble so we don't speak) and no sisters.   Some days I feel so alone and empty.
> I feel angry when my friends talk about going places and doing things with their moms.  I know that I shouldn't feel this way, and it has gotten better in time.  But I truly want to scream when I hear how they went somewheres with their mom or how their mom will be joining them on vacation.
> There is a great comfort in knowing that I am not alone now.  Thank you all for sharing your stories.



You are not alone.  I know exactly how you feel. I talked to my mum every day too and her grandkids adored her. Every day I feel so much sadness that my youngest never got to meet her. I think of her all the time when I have all those cute kid stories and I try to tell her in my heart but it's not the same. I worry about my daughter not having a sister because mine is one of the reasons I've survived this ordeal. And you know what I hate (just between you and me?) Trip reports where people talk about how annoying their mothers are being on their trip. "Are you kidding me? She is there _*with*_ you!!!!"



eeyora68 said:


> My Mom was diagnosed with metastatic bc in 06 she has fought but the Dr. told us Friday that she can't figure out what is wrong with her liver the tests keep showing no cancer but she was hospitalized for 3 weeks with fever and jaundice after receiving a new chemo. She is getting a mri to find out if it is cancer or if her liver is cirrhotic if it is cancer they can start chemo again but Dr, said that could kill her and if it is cirrhotic then they can only keep her comfortable and said without chemo they give her 3-6 months. I can't stop crying I have children so I will go on for them but I don't know how I will be able to live without her.I feel bad because I feel selfish that I'm feeling bad for myself when she is the who is dying.



Hi Eeyora, What is happening with your mum? Any updates? I don't know what it is about the liver because they told my mum for over a year they were certain she did not have liver cancer.


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## Shelly F - Ohio

Alysa said:


> Poor you - how awful. Can you go by your neighbourhood police station and talk to someone there and maybe get a policeman to drive by while you are gone? Can a friend stop by and check on things for you?
> Sending best wishes, prayers and pixie dust that all will be okay!



I have a police detective who lives across the street from us. I plan to tell him today about our trip and to also inquire about what home security system he has. He told me several months ago but I have forgotten.  What I have to keep telling myself is that he has to be fearful of us since we have the video security system and caught him red handed. 
In the spring he was arrested and placed on house arrest which he violated by trying to break into our house. So the arrested him again. Unknown to us they had let him out just 30 days after he was arrested. While he was out we did go to Disney again for 4 days and nothing happened and it was about a week after we returned that we found out he had been out on house arrest. 
So the fact we were gone for 4 days and nothing happen plus the video monitoring we can do, plus most of his break ins are on the weekend and we will be gone during the week, I feel a bit safer. 
With everthing this kid has done I am surprised he has not gone to jail for a long time. He broke into the house owned by a relative of one of our Judges!!! The house if vacant and owner by the Judge's Uncle in Florida and they only come back to Ohio 2 times a year. 

THey were just here in Dec and said the house as a complete wreck. A video store has him on tape try to exchange a video he stole from that house. He took valuable antique's. 

This kids boast on this FB page phares like "I did the crime but I won't do the time". talks about being high all the time. Which we (the whole neighborhood) knows this family smokes pot. The dad has a criminal record the house is in foreclosure but they filed an appeal. The sheriff sale was all set till the filed the appeal. UGH. WHAT A MESS.


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## Heluvsme

OH Shelley, what a scary time!  One thing I know for sure, just when you think you have their MO figured out, they'll go and change it!  If he needs cash, if he's desperate, and if he gets cocky enough, he will throw out all the "reasons" he can't rob you at such and such time. It will happen when it strikes him!!  
Praying for your safety! This really is frightening!

~Dawn


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## Shelly F - Ohio

DonaldDuck80 said:


> I still have mine but my wife is in this group.  She lost her mother to breast cancer when she was only 4 years old.  Due to her youth she doesn't have many memories of her.  Her dad never remarried and his way of coping with it is not to talk about her, so it's been a frustration for my wife because she wants details of who her mom was.  She wants to know what she liked, what holiday traditions she did, etc but her dad shuts her down when she asks.  Then we struggled for seven years with infertility so Mothers Day was massively depressing for my wife.  We finally welcomed an adorable little boy into our lives a little over a year ago but my wife still has pains about her mom not being here to assist her in learning how to become an effective mother herself.



Does she have an aunt or uncle or someone for her mom side that could help answer these questions?


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## Shelly F - Ohio

Heluvsme said:


> OH Shelley, what a scary time!  One thing I know for sure, just when you think you have their MO figured out, they'll go and change it!  If he needs cash, if he's desperate, and if he gets cocky enough, he will throw out all the "reasons" he can't rob you at such and such time. It will happen when it strikes him!!
> Praying for your safety! This really is frightening!
> 
> ~Dawn



I don't work so I am home to watch the house most of the time. One thing we did was put my car in the garage -It use to sit outside. Now he won't know if I am home or not. Which is nice when we go to the airport he won't miss our car being gone. 
And the other good thing is that the detective who lives across the street will retire in 3 months. So I will feel a bit safer


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## eeyora68

Alysa said:


> You are not alone.  I know exactly how you feel. I talked to my mum every day too and her grandkids adored her. Every day I feel so much sadness that my youngest never got to meet her. I think of her all the time when I have all those cute kid stories and I try to tell her in my heart but it's not the same. I worry about my daughter not having a sister because mine is one of the reasons I've survived this ordeal. And you know what I hate (just between you and me?) Trip reports where people talk about how annoying their mothers are being on their trip. "Are you kidding me? She is there _*with*_ you!!!!"
> 
> 
> 
> Hi Eeyora, What is happening with your mum? Any updates? I don't know what it is about the liver because they told my mum for over a year they were certain she did not have liver cancer.



Thanks for asking my Mom passed 12-14-12 I was holding her hand it has been very difficult I miss her so much not a day goes by that I don't cry.


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## Alysa

eeyora68 said:


> Thanks for asking my Mom passed 12-14-12 I was holding her hand it has been very difficult I miss her so much not a day goes by that I don't cry.



Oh my dear, I'm so dreadfully sorry.


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## Deesknee

eeyora68 said:


> Thanks for asking my Mom passed 12-14-12 I was holding her hand it has been very difficult I miss her so much not a day goes by that I don't cry.



So sorry for your loss.  I hope in time those tears are less often, and the warm memories bring more and more smiles.  Bless you.


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## maxaroni

Mom is seriously ill.  I'm losing her and it hurts so bad I can't stand it.  I cry at the drop of a hat.  I am 56 yrs old, mom is 76.  I still have my dad who is also 76.  Dad is moms primary caregiver.

Mom was diagnosed at 69 with a blocked basilar artery to the brain.  Surgery would be too risky.  She has had many strokes, each one leaving her a bit more disabled.  However, she had a bleeding stroke in '08 that took her right side pretty bad.  She lost her peripheral vision on her right side and sees double, with the help of special lenses in her glasses (prisms), it has helped her double vision somewhat.  She has no feeling in her right leg, knee down.  She is chronic pain in her upper right leg (thalamic pain).  She needs a new shoulder and hips but surgery is out of the question.  She is in severe pain every day.  

Mom is also in end stage renal disease but not quite in need of dialysis.  She is at 14 - 15% kidney function, they want her at 10-12%.  She has restless leg syndrome, muscle cramps, decreasing appetite.  

She can barely walk with a walker, mostly in a motorized scooter or wheelchair.  She only goes out when she has a doctors appt or church.  

She's had breast cancer twice...'89 when she had a lumpectomy and many lymph nodes were taken, cancer in 3.    2001 she was diagnosed with breast cancer again and needed a mastectomy.

Now, she has a nodule on her lung and enlarged lymph nodes in her chest.  Found in December.  Rescanned last week, still there and the doc thinks it's cancer.  Not definitive but that is his thinking.  Not sure if they will biopsy or not as she is not a candidate for surgery nor chemo.  She has fluid around her heart since December....could be from kidneys or cancer.  She had an echocardiogram and back to the cardiologist on Thursday.

My heart is breaking each and every day. I'm losing my mom and why does someone have to go through so much.  My heart breaks for her as she was once a vibrant and very active woman.  My heart breaks for my dad for what he is going through and how will he be.

Mom and dad have been together since age 15.  They married at 19 and had me at 20.  We are all only children, as were their parents, so no close family to speak of.  We live 2 miles apart, which is a blessing. 

I don't know how to cope with any of this and just fall apart at anything.  My emotions are right at the surface and even my DS20 going away for the weekend (goes to community college) had me tearing up.  He was away at college his freshman year and I handled it but now, everything has me tearing up.  

We think our parents will live forever and no matter how old we are, it still is so hard.  I have young parents and everyone said to me, it will be years before your dealing with this....nope.  

Thanks for listening


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## RnbwSktles

This is such a touching thread 

I lost my mom to breast cancer almost a year ago, on Mother's Day 5/13/12. She was definitely ill, but her passing was very sudden and unexpected. She was only 59.

I can't believe it's been nearly a year already, but it has been easier than I would've expected. I think I had mentally prepared myself for years so that when the time came, the hardest part was actually having to tell people that my mom had died. Everyone seems to expect me to break down, but I am ok. My mom and I had a good relationship, but we weren't best friends like so many other mothers & daughters. I miss her and still occasionally forget that I can't share a funny store with her.


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## Marsheliz

I am so happy I found this thread. My mom was diagnosed January 10, 2012 and died 2 weeks ago on April 10, 2013. We actually took her to Disney with us this past September. I literally watched her die and it's so hard. My 4 year diesnt understand and thinks that she is going to be back sometime if he prays enough... My heart is just broke.


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## Alysa

Happy Mother's Day Mum. Miss you.


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## ACDSNY

Alysa said:


> Happy Mother's Day Mum. Miss you.


 
That says it all right there!


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## Twende

I have found a wee bit of peace this Mothers Day.  There is finally a headstone at my mothers cemetery plot.

I guess that sounds weird but my siblings fought me in having my mother buried.  They literally kept her from me before she passed, refused to allow her to be buried even though it is what she asked for, and then refused to allow any of her money to be used to even get her a headstone.

It has made her passing so much more painful for me. 

I ended up buying a headstone for her.  It was placed on her father's plot and includes both of their names.  It was so important to her and I feel better knowing that I did the best I could.


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## Alysa

Hugs to you RnbwSktles, Marsheliz, Twende and ACDSNY.


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## I Run Long

This was my second Mother's Day without my mum.  I found myself still crying at the drop of a hat - missing my mum.  I'm a mum too but I still feel that it isn't really Mother's Day without my own mum.  I miss you and I love you mum.


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## Twende

I Run Long said:


> This was my second Mother's Day without my mum.  I found myself still crying at the drop of a hat - missing my mum.  I'm a mum too but I still feel that it isn't really Mother's Day without my own mum.  I miss you and I love you mum.



HUGS!  I am  sorry and I understand.  We all need stock in Klenex!

Losing a mom is so very life changing.


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## Emily11212

When I was 10, I lost my Mom to breast cancer in June of 1991.  I feel like there are days where I barely remember her, and I can't stand that.  Two years later however, my dad remarried, my stepmother.  She was a Disney fanatic like the rest of us, and as much as we joked about her being our "Wicked Stepmother" (we even got the Snow White and Evil Queen costumes to match), she was anything but.  I love that I have always been able to go around saying that I had the amazing honor of having TWO wonderful mothers, not just one.  My stepmother and I were very close.... I called her pretty much every day and told her everything.  She was my biggest fan and supporter (I'm a performer), and my best friend.  

In January of 2012, my stepmom was diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndrome, a cancer of the blood.  My fiance and I were planning a November 2012 wedding in Disney World, and the doctors told us to go ahead with it and she would be fine and walking and dancing and able to travel with us and enjoy the parks, no problem.  She was actually doing very well, but in September, she got an infection, and within two weeks, she was gone.  It was exactly one month before our wedding.  I feel so upset and cheated.  I can't believe this happened again.   

I was able to be with her when she passed... I sang all of her favorite songs to her and my husband and I even found a hospital chaplain and got married at her bedside with my family there... I held her hand the entire time.  I miss my Wicked Stepmother.


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## I Run Long

I'm so sorry - your post brought tears to my eyes.  It is so good that you were able to there when she passed.  Hugs to you.


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## Alysa

Oh Emily, I am so sorry. You sweet girl.


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## lisaviolet

Emily11212 said:


> When I was 10, I lost my Mom to breast cancer in June of 1991.  I feel like there are days where I barely remember her, and I can't stand that.  Two years later however, my dad remarried, my stepmother.  She was a Disney fanatic like the rest of us, and as much as we joked about her being our "Wicked Stepmother" (we even got the Snow White and Evil Queen costumes to match), she was anything but.  I love that I have always been able to go around saying that I had the amazing honor of having TWO wonderful mothers, not just one.  My stepmother and I were very close.... I called her pretty much every day and told her everything.  She was my biggest fan and supporter (I'm a performer), and my best friend.
> 
> In January of 2012, my stepmom was diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndrome, a cancer of the blood.  My fiance and I were planning a November 2012 wedding in Disney World, and the doctors told us to go ahead with it and she would be fine and walking and dancing and able to travel with us and enjoy the parks, no problem.  She was actually doing very well, but in September, she got an infection, and within two weeks, she was gone.  It was exactly one month before our wedding.  I feel so upset and cheated.  I can't believe this happened again.
> 
> I was able to be with her when she passed... I sang all of her favorite songs to her and my husband and I even found a hospital chaplain and got married at her bedside with my family there... I held her hand the entire time.  I miss my Wicked Stepmother.



Oh Emily, that's so incredibly beautiful and heartbreaking.  Both.   Sighing.   I'm so very sorry.


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## lisaviolet

Love sent to all sharing and missing their mothers.

I have not lost my mother but tonight I am missing her.  She's in the later levels of dementia and as much as I am successful at loving my *new* mother - there are days I simply miss my mom.


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## Twende

lisaviolet said:


> Love sent to all sharing and missing their mothers.
> 
> I have not lost my mother but tonight I am missing her.  She's in the later levels of dementia and as much as I am successful at loving my *new* mother - there are days I simply miss my mom.



My mother also had dementia.  Some family members said she had Altzheimers but she did not follow its progression at all.  Brain studies done after her death showed it was vascular dementia.  But the mom I loved was gone all the same.  As time progressed I found that I even changed the name I called her.  She was no longer Mom, she was Mama.  Like you I loved her too but I agree that I missed my Mom.

Some days I reach for the phone to call her or think gosh I can't wait to tell her something, and then I realize it is too late now. I cry a lot.  But I also smile at all the memories I have.

I know how very hard it is.  I am sorry that you have already lost your mom.  That is the hard part for us the family and caregivers.  Dementia causes you to suffer the loss of your loved one twice!  Hugs!


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## lisaviolet

Twende said:


> My mother also had dementia.  Some family members said she had Altzheimers but she did not follow its progression at all.  Brain studies done after her death showed it was vascular dementia.  But the mom I loved was gone all the same.  As time progressed I found that I even changed the name I called her.  She was no longer Mom, she was Mama.  Like you I loved her too but I agree that I missed my Mom.
> 
> Some days I reach for the phone to call her or think gosh I can't wait to tell her something, and then I realize it is too late now. I cry a lot.  But I also smile at all the memories I have.
> 
> I know how very hard it is.  I am sorry that you have already lost your mom.  That is the hard part for us the family and caregivers.  Dementia causes you to suffer the loss of your loved one twice!  Hugs!



Thank you so much Kim.    Thank you for sharing and understanding.  Love sent to you.  .  I'm am very lucky to still be able to kiss and love her even though I very much miss *my mom*.  

My mom is the same.  I know she has vascular dementia because it's playing out so very differently from a loved one with Alzheimer's that I helped look after - but even the professionals are off at times.


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## aml3679

It is so hard not having a Mom.  I lost my mother on July 11, 2005 from complications of emphysema.  She missed both of my daughter's weddings.  The birth of two grandchildren.  I lost my father 4 years earlier from a pulmonary embolism.  They were both 64.  My mom was an artist.  She loved her children and grandchildren.  She loved candy and at her funeral we had all of her artwork and bowls of candy.


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## henderkm

I lost my Mom 6 weeks ago.  Early May she fell down and broke her femur.  After a 3 1/2 hour surgery we knew it was going to be a long road to recovery, but she had recovered before from a hip replacement and 3 leg surgeries.  

Mom was a always a fighter when it came to anything medical.  She lived 50 years with Addison's disease, had overcome breast cancer in her 50's, and lived through a colon resection in her 30's.  We were sure she would make it this time, but 3 weeks later she died of septic shock.  The decision to take her off life support was the hardest I have ever made in my life.

I know that our family has many things to be thankful for when it comes to my mom.  She was lucky enough to have lived on her own until the end.  

We had her for many years, but that doesn't help the emptiness I feel.  On my birthday a couple of weeks ago, I played back some of the phone messages from her that I had saved.  I really miss her.


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## wannabee

Today is the 5th anniversary of my mom's death.  It seems so long ago and so recent all at once. 

I no  longer pick up the phone to call her like I used to do in the early days but some days I still miss her so much it hurts.

I just can't believe it's been 5 years.


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## Shelly F - Ohio

I need a hug.  

So I am passing a hug on to all of you..

{{{{{ HUGS}}}}}


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## Alysa

Sending hugs right back Shelly.


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## Mamajama4

Thinking of you, has to be hard!!


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## jazzhandsrobit

My mom passed away a little over two months ago, May 3, 2013. She battled colon cancer for three years. I miss her so much, I am 19 and she is basically my best friend. Its weird because my dad, brother, and i are going to Disney World this September and I am excited for it, but I worry about randomly just being consumed by grief by being there without her. She was my Disney buddy. The cancer was already metastasized when they found it; i truly think it was her own willpower and love for us that pushed her to go through with all the hell of the past three years just so she could stay with us as long as possible. I never thought i would regret saying my life is turning into a Disney movie(haha?). The only thing that makes me really happy is that i am a musical theater major and she always wanted to go into theatre. She was a dancer for most of her life growing up and she used to teach tap and ballet. She was so happy to see me pursuing my dreams and always let me know how much she loved me and was so proud of me. I love her so much and always will. Its nice, although somewhat saddening, to share and listen to these stories. I don't feel as alone knowing we are all going through this in our own ways.


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## I Run Long

I am so sorry for your loss.  Reading your story just breaks my heart.  I hope you are able to let yourself grieve even if you are at Disney - but allow yourself those truly wonderful moments of happiness and good memories.


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## ACDSNY

jazzhandsrobit 

My heart is breaking for you too.  My youngest sister was about your age when our mother died from colon cancer 15 years ago.  I'm sure your trip will be bittersweet at times, but let yourself go with the flow and remember the good times you've had together.


----------



## Mickeymagic123

.


----------



## wilkeliza

Not a club anyone wants to be apart of but unfortunately I am. My mother died November 3, 2003. I was only 15. This year will be 10 years since her passing but it still feels like yesterday. I'll never forget the night when I was just shy of 12 and we found out about the cancer. I cried for days because all my brothers and I knew was that she was very very sick and nobody was letting us see her or know what was wrong. The hardest part was the first few months our extended family lied to us about what was wrong and since my mom was recovering from her first of many battles she didn't have the strength to talk to us. 

To make this whole situation worse my father and mother were divorced and my father was abusive so many days I could only think of that fact that if mom died I'd be forced to endure my father every day. Unfortunately that is what happened and even though my grandparents fraught for us our crooked small town judge still gave my dad custody. 

Her only wish for us was to take us on a Disney vacation and even though that never happened my school took me with a bunch if other kids just 6 months later. I sobbed the night before that I was getting to go and complete her dream.


----------



## Lisa71

Big hugs to all. My cousin lost her mom at age 9 and I will share this with her when I see her next. She is 16 now.


----------



## kelowatt

My mom died five years ago between Chrsitmas and New Years. My sister was 30 and I was 33. She was 59 and had been in a nursing home for the last five years of her life. This will be the first trip I've taken with my family since she died. My dad and sister went without me a few years ago and said it was a bit emotional. 

It's bitter sweet for me. I have lots of fond memories of spending time as a family. She had MS since I was a preteen, and even when she started using a wheelchair more and more, Disney made it easier for us to spend time together as a family on vacation than any other vacation destination we tried. Its so much more accessable, from the rooms to the layout to the rides. I am really grateful to Disney for making changes above and beyond what the ADA requires so that we could enjoy more together. I'm glad I get to revisit those memories, and I'm sad that she won't be there for this trip, and that she never had the chance to go with a grandchild.

I still remember months before my dad's 40th birthday mom spending HOURS AND HOURS trying to get my dad (Jimmy) an antique Jiminy Cricket watch. This was in the time before eBay, so it was quite the endeavor. We celebrated his birthday at King Stephens, and Cinderella presented the watch out to him right before the cake. That whole trip is one of my fondest memories from childhood. My mom was a very thoughtful person, and was always thinking of creative ways to show people she cared about them. I'm planning on buying a TON of glow necklaces and other things to hand out to other kids in the park on our trip, as a way of passing that spirit along to others.


----------



## Eoywin

My mom passed away from a two year battle with colon cancer in August 2002. She made it to my collage graduation but passed less than a week later. Her birthday and her deathday are eight days apart and it's the hardest week of the year for me.

She loved Disney and was always looking forward to being a grandmother. I think she would have adored DD.

Christmas is always bittersweet for me - it was her favorite holiday and I have a lot of her Christmas decorations (My dad doesn't decorate nearly as much as my mom did and he's remarried now). Even after 11 years, it's still hard.


----------



## WantToGoNow

I lost my mom early Christmas morning - this will be 17 years ago.  My oldest dd was 12 at the time and I have had two more children since then but Christmas will never be the same.  Each year I think it will be easier but it never is.


----------



## Disney Springs

Motherless Daughter's Club - You don't really know what it feels like until you join the club.  No one understands that this is a life altering loss that leaves a big hole in your heart&.forever.  Regardless of what your age was when it happened.  

I joined the club when I was 7 years old.  My husband is amazed with all the memories I have of my mom.  You would think a young child would not remember their mom,  but I do.  

The first awkward situations I remember was at school.  I was in 2nd grade when my mom "passed" the summer prior.  (She was a missing person, and police labeled her case as a homicide 8 years later.)  Kids would ask me why I didn't have a mother.  I would lie to them and say she died from smoking cigarettes.  (She did smoke a lot, so that's where I got the idea from.)

At 7, I just didn't understand the situation, and I wanted to be able to say she died of something.  Instead of the truth, which was her body was never found, and I didn't know how she was killed.  It was like she disappeared out of thin air.  And there was never a funeral to say "goodbye".  I was robbed of that.  

On top of that, my parents were divorced at the time.  So my brothers and I went from being "divorced kids", bouncing back and forth between parents, to "kids who had no mom, and had to go live with father whom they hardly saw".

So kids at school thought it was weird that my parents were divorced.  But they divorced when I was 3 years old, so that's all I knew growing up.  Then kids thought it was weird when I'd say I didn't have a mom.  You know, what kid doesn't have a mom?  Everyone does....until they don't.  You just don't expect to lose your mom that young.

Any daughter who lost their mother at a young age understands these things:

You cry during monumental moments because you wish your mom was there.  I was a tomboy in school and had more guy friends than girlfriends.  I don't like to do idol chat like normal girls.  I've gotten a bit better with that over the years.  But still.  My personality and how I define myself is from losing my mom when I was a child.  Good or bad, it's what I am forced to deal with the rest of my life. 

*Anyway, I wanted to share an amazing book I'm reading right now.*  I stumbled upon it in the self help section at the bookstore.  It's called "Motherless Daughters" by Hope Edelman.  We are really not alone in the club,  and it helps to know that everything we feel, and how we go through our lives is normal or as normal as can be.


----------



## maxaroni

I recently joined the club.  My mom passes 3/5/14.  She had been very sick and in so much pain for so long.  She had many strokes, blocked brain artery, cardiac stents in 2 arteries but the other 2 arteries were too bad, COPD, and end stage renal disease.  She was 77 years old. My DH, DS21, dad and I were with her. This is so hard. Mom and dad were married 58 years and together since they were 15.


----------



## JeanetteK

I too recently joined this sad club.  I lost my mom on March 3, 2014.  Monday will be three weeks since she's been gone.  I started a thread over on the Community Board (I wasn't even aware that the Coping & Compassion board was here).  I've had some very nice people stop by my thread and share their stories there, and it has helped me some to not feel so alone in how I am feeling emotionally and physically, even.  I do okay when my husband is here with me.  If I am alone, that's when I have a really difficult time coping with this.  I am a housewife, so I don't have children to keep me busy, and I have no outside job to go to to keep my mind occupied.

Being with my mom the last day she was with us was honestly the hardest day of my life (besides her funeral).  She was struggling so much that day just trying to breathe.  They gave her a combination of Ativan and morphine to calm her and to keep her as comfortable as possible.  

She was my best friend.  We loved to bake together and now I cannot turn my oven on without standing there bawling.  I went through her clothes at home with my step-dad, but everything I brought home with me is still in the trunk of my car.  I can't bear to go through it here at home yet.  My sister is feeling the same way.  I think we will do it next week, but everything is still so fresh.  It just hurts.  The pain is unlike any I've ever experienced.  

I just miss her so much.  I just want my mommy back.  

(Hi Maxironi -- good to see you've also found this board.)


----------



## ACDSNY

Hugs to the newcomers.  May time and memories bring you some comfort.


----------



## Susan C

So glad to have spotted this thread. Today would have been my Mom's Birthday. She passed away on Christmas Day this year. Although I was happy to see her suffering from stroke and dementia end, I miss her keenly. 
  She was my best friend, and biggest fan.  It is so hard to adjust to not talking to her daily. I'm having a pity party for myself right now... I was blessed to have had her for 51 years.  

  Thanks for reading 
Susan


----------



## maxaroni

Susan C said:


> So glad to have spotted this thread. Today would have been my Mom's Birthday. She passed away on Christmas Day this year. Although I was happy to see her suffering from stroke and dementia end, I miss her keenly.
> She was my best friend, and biggest fan.  It is so hard to adjust to not talking to her daily. I'm having a pity party for myself right now... I was blessed to have had her for 51 years.
> 
> Thanks for reading
> Susan



Hi neighbor 

I don't live far from you.     I am sorry for the loss of you mom.  My mom passed 3/5/14. Yesterday would have been her 78th birthday. I had her 57 years. My dad had her 63 years, married for 58.  She was very ill and in pain for quite awhile. She is now at peace and no longer suffering.  It still is so hard to believe she's gone


----------



## teruterubouzu

I'm glad I found this thread. It's been just over a year since my mom died from early onset Alzheimer's. It was a terrible journey that i wouldn't wish on anyone. The strange thing is that I think the anniversary of her death was harder than the day it happened. I suppose adrenaline kicked in and I was also grateful she was no longer struggling. Now it's been enough time that I really feel the loss of the person she was before she got sick. The run up to Mother's Day is also making it really painful.

Here's a photo of her from our very first ride on our very first trip to the Magic Kingdom. She is with my little brother. I might delete it later, but it is helping me to share about her here. 






Thank you for listening. I'm going to go back now and read back in the thread so I know your stories.


----------



## Shelly F - Ohio

As Mothers day draws near, its a day that is hard to bear. Thankfully I am not a Mom but rather a Mom to my fur babies. My DH celebrates Wifes Day on the Saturday before Mothers day. He says I still do all the duties a Mom does but I do them as a wife and now as a Mom to our fur babies. So he will take me out to dinner on Sat. and I get a card from the fur babies. And like wise for Fathers day we celebrates "Husbands day" the Sat. before fathers day. 

For Mothers day I like to buy a very nice bouquet of flowers for Mom. Think about how we use to spend the Mothers day and reflect a bit. 

May you all find comfort in some special way as Mothers day approaches. Hugs to each and every one of you. 

I wish my Mom were here now. I have a burn blister on my back from using a heating pad on my hurting back and could use her advise and comfort.


----------



## teruterubouzu

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> As Mothers day draws near, its a day that is hard to bear. Thankfully I am not a Mom but rather a Mom to my fur babies. My DH celebrates Wifes Day on the Saturday before Mothers day. He says I still do all the duties a Mom does but I do them as a wife and now as a Mom to our fur babies. So he will take me out to dinner on Sat. and I get a card from the fur babies. And like wise for Fathers day we celebrates "Husbands day" the Sat. before fathers day.
> 
> For Mothers day I like to buy a very nice bouquet of flowers for Mom. Think about how we use to spend the Mothers day and reflect a bit.
> 
> May you all find comfort in some special way as Mothers day approaches. Hugs to each and every one of you.
> 
> I wish my Mom were here now. I have a burn blister on my back from using a heating pad on my hurting back and could use her advise and comfort.



Your husband sounds very kind. I'm sorry you are really missing your mom right now. Hope your back heals soon. 

My dad always bought my sister and I little corsages to wear on Mother's day  so we wouldn't feel "left out" because of the orchid he would buy for my mom. Very old school, but in a sweet way. Maybe I will buy him flowers and thank him for that memory. Thank you for making me think of it.


----------



## maxaroni

teruterubouzu said:


> I'm glad I found this thread. It's been just over a year since my mom died from early onset Alzheimer's. It was a terrible journey that i wouldn't wish on anyone. The strange thing is that I think the anniversary of her death was harder than the day it happened. I suppose adrenaline kicked in and I was also grateful she was no longer struggling. Now it's been enough time that I really feel the loss of the person she was before she got sick. The run up to Mother's Day is also making it really painful.
> 
> Here's a photo of her from our very first ride on our very first trip to the Magic Kingdom. She is with my little brother. I might delete it later, but it is helping me to share about her here.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Thank you for listening. I'm going to go back now and read back in the thread so I know your stories.



What a nice picture. I can see how it can be more painfull later in some ways. I am still grappling with the whole sense of reality.  My mom was very ill for quite some time and I was with her as she passed but it seems so unreal.   Mother's Day will always be hard.  However my husband and son have a day planned for me that starts with going to my dads. He had mom cremated and has her cremains.  After that they have plans for the day.


----------



## maxaroni

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> As Mothers day draws near, its a day that is hard to bear. Thankfully I am not a Mom but rather a Mom to my fur babies. My DH celebrates Wifes Day on the Saturday before Mothers day. He says I still do all the duties a Mom does but I do them as a wife and now as a Mom to our fur babies. So he will take me out to dinner on Sat. and I get a card from the fur babies. And like wise for Fathers day we celebrates "Husbands day" the Sat. before fathers day.
> 
> For Mothers day I like to buy a very nice bouquet of flowers for Mom. Think about how we use to spend the Mothers day and reflect a bit.
> 
> May you all find comfort in some special way as Mothers day approaches. Hugs to each and every one of you.
> 
> I wish my Mom were here now. I have a burn blister on my back from using a heating pad on my hurting back and could use her advise and comfort.



  what a sweet husband.   It's only been 2 months without my mom and it's very hard


----------



## Susan C

Thanks Everyone... just reading your posts.. makes me feel not so alone. I'm kinda jealous inside of the Mother's Day card my husband sent his mom..crazy ha?


----------



## teruterubouzu

Susan C said:


> Thanks Everyone... just reading your posts.. makes me feel not so alone. I'm kinda jealous inside of the Mother's Day card my husband sent his mom..crazy ha?



That's not crazy. Be kind to yourself.


----------



## JandJ

Susan C said:


> Thanks Everyone... just reading your posts.. makes me feel not so alone. I'm kinda jealous inside of the Mother's Day card my husband sent his mom..crazy ha?



Not crazy at all! I buy every card for our household - all birthdays, holidays, graduations, weddings, everything. But, DH knows he has to buy his own Mother's Day and Father's Day cards. I tried once and just started bawling in Hallmark. Not a pretty sight.

I don't have a mother (or a father) and we weren't blessed with children so I'm not a mother; so Mother's Day has nothing for me and I avoid it. My mom's birthday would have been tomorrow and her mother's the day after. They always fell on or near Mother's Day. I hate May. Luckily, my wonderful DH understands. We do brunch with his mother the weekend before or the weekend after. It's easier for me to not be in a restaurant surrounded by beaming mothers and their children.

It does get easier with time, but losing your mom is not something you ever truly get "over" and, honestly, I don't think you should.


----------



## mermaid79

I lost my mother ten years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think of her.  Everything reminds me of her.  Smells, sounds, things that I see.  I sure do miss her.


----------



## thebutlerdidit

My mom passed away soon after Mothers Day last year, so this will be my first without her. I know it will hurt. On the positive side I will be at WDW with my sister, son daughter-in-law, and two granddaughters. I'm hoping it won't hurt as much.


----------



## rewilliams

In September it will be 2 years since my mother passed away unexpectedly from a massive heart attack.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about her, but it has been worse these last few weeks as our Disney trip gets closer.  My hubby, myself and 9 year old daughter will be going in July to celebrate our 10 years of marriage.  The reason it has been a little harder is because our last trip my mom and I planned (and she treated us too)  She was determined to visit Disney with her only grandchild.  So planning has been hard without her!  I know she will be with us in spirit but I love and miss her so much!


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## SimonSez

I lost my mom in May of 2010.  My sister and I went to Disney that July and we had a great trip. People would ask why we were taking a trip so soon after, and we replied that our mom would have wanted us to go, as Disney World was one of her favorite places.  Sometimes Disney is more than just a vacation, sometimes it's therapy.  I'll never forget my first trip to Disney with my mom, sister and aunt, because it was one of the best   Nice thread.


----------



## Nancy F

June 21ST was 19 years since I lost my Mom. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. And my Dad too. 
Nancy


----------



## pkelly6

I lost my mom in January 2011.  She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in December 2010 and six weeks later she was gone.  She was 63.  I don't care how short/long you had your mom, losing her SUCKS big time.  She was my sounding board.  She'd share her wisdom, point of view, opinions, advice.  Some I'd listen to/take, more I'd just ignore and regardless, she'd stand there in support of me even when she didn't necessarily agree with the path I'd chosen. 

I've been really missing her lately.  The last time I was at Disney was with her and my older DDs.  Now, we're planning a trip with the two littlest.  My cousin sent the littlest Disney care packages.  I like to think my mom was working through her as it's something I know my mom would have done.  

Hugs to you all.


----------



## nerderella

I saw this thread referred to in another thread, so I hope you don't mind me hopping in for some support.  My mother is still alive, but has been lost to drugs, alcohol, crime, and mental illness.  We haven't had much contact since just before my 18th birthday; I'll be 35 in January.  As a cocky teen, I disguised the pain of her being "gone" by being angry.  Pretending like it didn't matter and that my life was easier without constantly fighting over how I felt a mother should act was only a facade.  I was mad that she couldn't be the mom I knew growing up.  I mourned the love I no longer had in my life, and didn't understand why I wasn't important enough for her to kick her habits.  The rejection hurt and I missed her being there. But when I invite her to be part of my life, the reality of who she is and her hatred toward me for "ruining her life" (she was a teen when she had me) hurts more than her being absent from my life.  And of course, inevitably, I end up mad at myself as well for wanting something that's not there.

I'm feeling sad and really missing that mother-daughter connection that we had when I was a kid.  I'm insanely jealous of friends and classmates who have this strong connection to their mothers, because it's not something I have.  Now that DH and I are trying to have kids, it's even stronger.  It's kind of weird talking to my dad about having a miscarriage, although he takes it like a champ and has been an amazing source of support throughout this whole ordeal.  I am somewhat dreading the moment when we ARE pregnant and ready to announce it because I want my mom to be there.  She won't be, though.  I don't know where she'll be, and I'm sad for the life she'll be missing out on by choice.  I think that's what hurts most.  So, apologies if this doesn't really "fit", but as I'm trying to become a mother myself, the loss is just staring me in the face.


----------



## Susan C

nerderella said:


> I saw this thread referred to in another thread, so I hope you don't mind me hopping in for some support.  My mother is still alive, but has been lost to drugs, alcohol, crime, and mental illness.  We haven't had much contact since just before my 18th birthday; I'll be 35 in January.  As a cocky teen, I disguised the pain of her being "gone" by being angry.  Pretending like it didn't matter and that my life was easier without constantly fighting over how I felt a mother should act was only a facade.  I was mad that she couldn't be the mom I knew growing up.  I mourned the
> 
> 
> Dear Friend,
> 
> I don't know if your mom is really missing out by "choice", she has addiction and mental illness...I'm so sorry for your pain. I'm sure you will be a great mom..
> 
> Susan


----------



## wendymbj

Lost my mom April of 2013. I think of her often. She died from complications of Alzheimer's / dementia she was 63


----------



## gwynne

wendymbj said:


> Lost my mom April of 2013. I think of her often. She died from complications of Alzheimer's / dementia she was 63



Wendy,
I am sorry for your loss. Your Mom's illness must have been very difficult.  Sending caring thoughts your way,
Ginny


----------



## Southern Bell

When I lost my mother 
Christmas , Easter, Vacations, life was never the same. It changed us all forever!  But she did live to raise her family! That was always her wish! So... God did bless her and us with what time we had with each other and special memories that I will always cherish! I still miss her and would have loved to talk to her about things over the yrs.

 I lost my best friend that day!


----------



## pkelly6

No matter how long or short ago we lost our moms, it still sucks.  The hole left by her loss will always be there. We just learn to live with it.


----------



## NMDisneyMom

I lost my mom this past July 2nd.   It's still seems like yesterday, even though it's been almost 2 months.  I walk into my parents house expecting to see her oxygen cord and her asking how work was. Even though I knew she was on borrowed time (she was really sick last Thanksgiving and Christmas), and these last 6 months were a blessing, it was still hard to get that phone call.  I'm a single mother and was the primary caregiver to both my mom and dad.  Mom had end stage COPD and dad was recently diagnosed with beginning dementia.  My sister is completely out of the picture and verbally attacked me after mom's passing.

I miss my mom every day.  But I think about all the good memories I have and that helps.

Glad I found this thread.

Jennifer


----------



## Susan C

NMDisneyMom said:


> I lost my mom this past July 2nd.   It's still seems like yesterday, even though it's been almost 2 months.  I walk into my parents house expecting to see her oxygen cord and her asking how work was. Even though I knew she was on borrowed time (she was really sick last Thanksgiving and Christmas), and these last 6 months were a blessing, it was still hard to get that phone call.  I'm a single mother and was the primary caregiver to both my mom and dad.  Mom had end stage COPD and dad was recently diagnosed with beginning dementia.  My sister is completely out of the picture and verbally attacked me after mom's passing.
> 
> I miss my mom every day.  But I think about all the good memories I have and that helps.
> 
> Glad I found this thread.
> 
> Jennifer




HUGS to Jennifer

my mom passed on Christmas Day...  I too think and (talk) to her everyday. 

Take Care 
Susan


----------



## metluver

I lost my mom August 26, 2010. She was only 50, so it was really sudden. She had gotten bariatric surgery a few weeks before and a blood clot formed in her leg after. Losing her is easily the most devastating thing that has happened to me. I miss her so much. 

I didn't cry during Disney movies before she died, but now pretty much any time a parent or close relative dies I cry (I bawled during Lilo and Stitch). You'll Be in My Heart also has a tendency to make me tear up. 

To everyone who has lost their mother (or anyone else close to them), I feel your pain and hope you can remember the happy times because crying and smiling is better than just crying. :')


----------



## Shelly F - Ohio

Well this my 7000 post!  Thought I would post here to celebrate.   As the holidays draw near it is often a rough time of the year. But dwell on the memories that you created with your Mom. Place a wreath on her grave and take a moment at the grave side to reflect upon the spirit she brought to Christmas. Smell the aroma of the pie's she use to make or that special dish that she made. 

Know that she is with you as you go through the holiday season. She is right there beside you every step of the way.

Hugs to all of you my friends.


----------



## maxaroni

Lost my mom 3/2014. She actually went on hospice (2 days) with end stage renal disease. However, she had blocked brain and heart arteries as well as COPD etc, etc.  my dad is 79 and having a hard time. The were married 58 years and together 63 years.  With the holidays and being the first holidays without my mom, my heart is heavy.  It hurts so much.  My DH and DS21 are wonderful but unable to fill the void.


----------



## Shelly F - Ohio

Man I need a hug.


----------



## Twende

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> Man I need a hug.



HUG!!!!!!!   Life is so rough some times!  Tomorrow would have been my parents 75th wedding anniversary.  I keep thinking that if bad things had not happened to them, that tomorrow would be a huge celebration day!  It makes me sad.  I miss my mom so very much!


----------



## Shelly F - Ohio

Hugs to you too Twende.  

Why does life have to be so rough. UGH


----------



## pooh2001

I lost my mom was I was 14  to cancer of the breast and spread to the bones.
Now I am married with 2 children.
I have a mammogram done every year.
So far cancer free.
May everyone be blessed with wonderful memories of their moms.


----------



## mommasita

Giant hugs all around..


----------



## DisMom456

I lost my Mom in February. She was only 56.  We had been planning to take her to Disney for her birthday later in the month, but instead held her funeral on the day we would have started our trip.  I still can't believe she's gone.  She and my 3 year old daughter (and myself) were so close. I miss her so incredibly much.


----------



## gwynne

DisMom456 said:


> I lost my Mom in a weather-related accident in February. She was only 56.  We had been planning to take her to Disney for her birthday later in the month, but instead held her funeral on the day we would have started our trip.  I still can't believe she's gone.  She and my 3 year old daughter (and myself) were so close. I miss her so incredibly much.


DisMom, I am so sorry for your loss.
Sending gentle, understanding hugs your way.


----------



## Eeyore's Girl

I was fortunate to have my mother with me for my first 49 years. She passed away on April 1 of this year. I believe she does rest in peace now...my sister passed on September 11, 2013 and I don't think my mother ever quite recovered from it. Now it is just my brother and me (along with our own spouses/children) plus our dad who suffers from Alzheimer's. Life has changed so much in the last two years, but still, I am blessed.


----------



## Tozzie

I lost my mom 25 years ago when I was 22 years old and I miss her dearly, in fact I have some health issues and how I wish she was here so I could talk to her but I digress,  I lost my dad 11 years after mom and as much as I loved him I still miss my mom more.


I have a question, does anyone else get jealous of friends or family who still have their mom around,  I know I do and I can't help it.  I also hate when someone complains about having to help their mo,  I am not talking about the people who are estranged from the parent but people who  just don't want to deal with them because they are old and sick ,   I want to scream because what I wouldn't give to have that problem


----------



## maxaroni

I hate hearing a co-worker complain about visiting her mom at a nursing home. It's a drudgery for her.  I keep thinking how much I miss my mom as she has been gone 18 months.  Granted, nursing homes aren't pleasant but you do what you need to do. 



Tozzie said:


> I lost my mom 25 years ago when I was 22 years old and I miss her dearly, in fact I have some health issues and how I wish she was here so I could talk to her but I digress,  I lost my dad 11 years after mom and as much as I loved him I still miss my mom more.
> 
> 
> I have a question, does anyone else get jealous of friends or family who still have their mom around,  I know I do and I can't help it.  I also hate when someone complains about having to help their mo,  I am not talking about the people who are estranged from the parent but people who  just don't want to deal with them because they are old and sick ,   I want to scream because what I wouldn't give to have that problem


----------



## KristenB17

Tozzie said:


> I lost my mom 25 years ago when I was 22 years old and I miss her dearly, in fact I have some health issues and how I wish she was here so I could talk to her but I digress,  I lost my dad 11 years after mom and as much as I loved him I still miss my mom more.
> 
> 
> I have a question, does anyone else get jealous of friends or family who still have their mom around,  I know I do and I can't help it.  I also hate when someone complains about having to help their mo,  I am not talking about the people who are estranged from the parent but people who  just don't want to deal with them because they are old and sick ,   I want to scream because what I wouldn't give to have that problem



I absolutely get jealous of that.

I know someone who acts so put out whenever her mom calls her or wants to do something together. It just breaks my heart. I lost my mom in February 2014 to a lengthy battle with leukemia and every single day I miss being able to talk to her or go out to weekly lunch dates.


----------



## cijay

I was so lucky to have my mother to help celebrate my 50th birthday in 2012. She took me to Mexico where she promptly got sick  so my 50th birthday supper was crappy nachos in the cantina because I didn't want to sit in the dining room alone. We figured we'd try it again and celebrate my 51st somewhere but in Feb of 2013, a drunk driver saw to it that it wasn't going to be possible.

This past February was the trial so I was in court for a week, then - to just tune out and get away from winter and all I'd been sitting through, I went solo (I like solo) to Disneyworld for a week. Really needed it and had such a great time. The Frozen live sing-along was amazing.

As with a lot of couples who have been married for 53 years, my father gave up after mum's death and he died just this past May. Then, last month, mum's youngest brother passed away - too long to go into detail but it was a lot of depression following his sister's death.

So the one driver took 3 lives and affected so many more.

2016 will be time to deal with ashes and get estates finished up, I will be buying myself a condo (woo-hoo!) so some good and some bad but I'm going to reward myself with a cruise on the Dream for my 54th birthday next November.

I never get jealous of people who still have their parents and I don't even get annoyed when they complain about them because my dad and I had a very strained relationship and I know what it's like when people don't understand that some parents are just very hard to respect and love. The one time I was blindsided by jealousy, didn't expect it - but was when my dad died. I was so jealous that he was going to get to be with her and I have to wait. It was ... like... intense jealousy for about a day.

I pray for everyone whose stories I have read. I know how hard it is to carry on without her and I hope you all enjoy your wonderful memories of her. I think the hardest thing is not being able to tell her about funny things I've seen.


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## J'Adore Disney

Tozzie said:


> I lost my mom 25 years ago when I was 22 years old and I miss her dearly, in fact I have some health issues and how I wish she was here so I could talk to her but I digress,  I lost my dad 11 years after mom and as much as I loved him I still miss my mom more.
> 
> 
> I have a question, does anyone else get jealous of friends or family who still have their mom around,  I know I do and I can't help it.  I also hate when someone complains about having to help their mo,  I am not talking about the people who are estranged from the parent but people who  just don't want to deal with them because they are old and sick ,   I want to scream because what I wouldn't give to have that problem




I lost my Mom to breast cancer 9 years ago.  She was 73 and I was 36 at the time.  I often get jealous of friends who still have their Mom, I can't help it.  My Mom was my best friend and confidant.  I miss her every single hour of every single day of my life.  There is no one left in this world I could speak to the way I spoke to her, she was kind, caring, loving, and critical but her criticism was coated with unconditional love.  When I am happy, I think of her and wish she was here to share my happiness, and when I'm sad, I wish she was here to comfort me.

I constantly remind my friends to cherish their mothers, surprise them, love them, visit them, call them, and most importantly thank them.  A mother's love is beyond compare to any other kind of love; and some children are unfortunate to know such love, but if you are lucky to have it... or have experienced it.... life will never be the same without it.


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## Shelly F - Ohio

Why oh why does life have to be so mean?  I hate being alive and having to deal with life. What I would not give to be in my grave right now.


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## pkelly6

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> Why oh why does life have to be so mean?  I hate being alive and having to deal with life. What I would not give to be in my grave right now.


  Dear Shelly, Sending warm thoughts and virtual hugs to you. I hope today is better and you are able to find even the smallest bit of peace. Kelly


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## Shelly F - Ohio

Gosh I need a hug. Life is so cruel and painful. Why do I have to wake up tomorrow...why.


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## DisTXMom

Shelly F - Ohio said:


> Gosh I need a hug. Life is so cruel and painful. Why do I have to wake up tomorrow...why.


Shelly -  I have been a member of the motherless daughter's club for almost 5 years.  Sending you prayers and hugs.  Some days are just plain awful. Others are filled with joy.  Be kind to yourself and accept yourself for who you are and where you are.  I believe when you are ready, you will begin to see the light in your days and will sense the blessings around you.  For now, just love yourself


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## danceteachermom

Not sure why I clicked on this forum today. Shelly, I hope you are feeling better than these last posts. I am an only child. My dad died in 2007. Then I lost my mom in December of 2012. I have struggled on and off with grief and maybe post traumatic stress. She was hit by a car while out for her morning walk. We were as close as a mom and daughter could be...talked every day. I spent 25 days with her in the hospital after her accident and before she died. Her injuries and recovery were just too much...she was 75. I miss her every moment of every day and although that will never change, I do feel better this year after having three really rough years. Holidays and anniversaries are still really hard but I have become better at protecting myself by realizing what sets me off and what makes me feel better. Being able to talk about my mom helps. Being able to remember her with traditions does too. Trying to do things the way I did when she was here and spending time with people who I was only connected to via her can send me back into deep grief. So I have learned to say no to things. My mom used to come to Disney with me every other year to see my students perform. She loved it. After she died, the next spring break, we went as a family and the peace of the Wilderness Lodge and some great family time with my husband and kids was the first time since her death I felt happiness. I think I will always struggle and feel cheated that I did not get to see my folks grow old...that my kids have no grandparents on my side. But I am not in the despair I once was. 

Right now I am reading"Option B" by Sheryl Sandberg. It is a book mostly about finding resilience and joy following grief. It has been four and a half years for me...and still I benefit from this reading. I recommend it to any motherless daughter.


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## teruterubouzu

This just came up in my notifications. It has been a long time since I have posted. @danceteachermom I am glad you were able to feel happiness with your family at Disney once again. Thank you for mentioning that book. I wasn't sure if I would relate to it, but I am going to check it out based on your recommendation. 

Peace to everyone missing their mom today.


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## Shelly F - Ohio

Pain is horrible. We lost our cat Java last week who we had for 9 yrs. and my heart is broken. He was a very special Siamese. He loved to cuddle up on the couch with me. Now I can't bear to lay on couch.  He loved to talk. He would meow and I would meow back and he would answer. We carried on long conversations. My heart hurts deeply right now. I can't bear to be home and can't bear to not be home. We have 4 other cats that I can love upon to help get through this but he was the one who got me through some tuff times.


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## Shelly F - Ohio

Gosh could things get any worse. I just wish I...


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