# Loosing hope about having children



## Lemonademouth

I know this is not as terrible as what some of you are going through, and I'm sorry for everyone's loss and bad ills. I just have no where else to turn. I don't have many friends, and none of my family is there for me. 

DH and I have been trying for seven years to have a baby. We have been pregnant three times and lost each one by week 8. We were seeing a fertility doctor about three years ago who did nothing but give us medicines. My grandfather passed so we put everything on hold. We are on our fourth month of seeing a new doctor, I had been battling a thyroid disorder I had no clue about and for the last year has been on track through help of synthroid. I have lost 40lbs since January.  I was just told that there really is no explanation as too why I cannot get pregnant, or then maintain a pregnancy. I have went from thisreason to that reason to now it is unexplained. I feel like it is never going to happen for us.


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## elric186

don't give up! dear friends of mine after almost 13yrs of trying everything with some losses now have a 7mo. old girl. they are in their 40's now but better late then never. good luck hope it works out soon.


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## cubfans

If it doesn't work out, consider adoption. We have 18 year old twins that are our own and a 1 year old boy that we adopted. We tried for about 5 years to get pregnant when the twins entered junior high and it just didn't happen. I am sitting right now snuggling our beautiful baby boy that we adopted and we could not love him more!!! I know the expense deters many people, but keep in mind that you are eligible for a $14,000 adoption tax credit that takes much of the financial burden off of loving families. Good luck and God bless!


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## mommasita

I'm sorry for what you are going through. 

There is a wonderful thread on the Community Board regarding this topic. I have browsed through it, and they seem like wonderful people.
Not that you are not welcome here, because you most certainly are.

For the life of me I can't find it now, but if I do, I will post a link.

ETA: http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2477083&page=197

If ever you would like to even start by just reading.


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## StitchesGr8Fan

If your thyroid was off the whole time, that could explain you difficulty. My mom and aunt both had miscarriages due to low thyroid, and the caught my moms low thyroid when she was pregnant with me. She almost list me. Good luck!


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## Lemonademouth

Thanks for the thread. I looked and searched, I guess I just am bad at navigating this board. 

Thank you all for the encouragement as well.


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## mommasita

I added the think up there with the ETA:


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## stasijane

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know that having a child means alot to some people and dealing with this can be rough. Have you thought about Adoption? You could Adopt and still continue to try and maybe having a bundle of joy in the house will take some stress off till the time comes that you have your own child? Then you will have a two bundles of joy!!


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## SaratogaShan

You may not want unsolicited medical advice, but have you been screened for clotting factor disorders?  Sometimes a clotting factor problem can be the cause of repeated early pregnancy loss.  

Hugs, and good luck to you.


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## Lemonademouth

SaratogaShan said:
			
		

> You may not want unsolicited medical advice, but have you been screened for clotting factor disorders?  Sometimes a clotting factor problem can be the cause of repeated early pregnancy loss.
> 
> Hugs, and good luck to you.



I actually have, my ob found an anomaly and sent me to a hematologist who checked and double checked me. Said he could find nothing.


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## BelleMaria

Hi,
Unfortunately I don't have much experience with this but don't give up hope just yet. My aunt tried for about the same amount of time you tried. She eventually adopted a daughter, but wouldn't ya know a year after she did she finally got pregnant. But as others have said adoption may be a choice for you, or maybe a surrogate or IVF ( though I know those are very expensive). Maybe it's my age but I can understand your sadness. It seems more and more of my friends (late 20's to 30's) are having a harder time getting pregnant. I don't know if it's that people are just more open about it now or if people are just having more problems. But I'm putting hope out there for you


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## cubfans

stasijane said:
			
		

> I'm sorry you are going through this. I know that having a child means alot to some people and dealing with this can be rough. Have you thought about Adoption? You could Adopt and still continue to try and maybe having a bundle of joy in the house will take some stress off till the time comes that you have your own child? Then you will have a two bundles of joy!!



Good point....I have 2 close friends that tried for a long time with no luck. Within a year both couples had one of their own! Prayers are with you!


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## Disflyer

I just want to offer my support for you during this difficult time.  

I hope by sharing my story you can find comfort.  My wife and I tried for 5 years to get pregnant, we had 3 MC and 12 IUIs.  We did IVF 2 times.  Our doctors were at a loss on what was going on, they gave us a 2% chance of ever having or mantaining a healthy pregnancy.

After the second IVF we had 1 egg out of 14 that was graded a 4 out 5.  only 2 other eggs were graded at 3 out of 5.  Everything else did not develop.  Fast forward 4 years and we have a wonderful healthy little 3 year old girl.

Never give up hope.  Hope and faith are the two things you can control.  At times you want to crawl into a dark place and just shut everything out.  It also seems at times like this those around you are clueless to your pain.  But faith in the future is what kept us going.

If IVF is not covered by insurance look at local universities.  Our local university was able to cover most costs for the proceedure, since it was a research facility they were receiving significant amounts of money from research grants and passed all savings onto us.  There are many options out there.  Some private clinics offer a guarantee, the costs can be significant (close to 20k) but with the guarentee if after 3 IVF tries they will refund the money.

PM me if you want to talk or learn more.  

Good luck to you.  And keep the faith!


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## BeckyEsq

It took us 8 years to finally have a child and she joined our family through adoption.  We had unexplained infertility and never did get any answers.  If this is something you really want, I would say don't give up.  We thought about giving up many times but I am so glad we didn't, because our daughter is worth everything we went through and more.  

A cousin recently had a miscarriage and found out she had a clotting disorder.  You may want to ask about that as well.  I hope now that the thyroid condition is diagnosed you will get some answers.  I know you will find your path to parenthood if you persevere.  Good luck and God Bless.


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## Jasonkat

We got married in 1999, never used birth control.  We actively tried to get pregnant from 2003-2011.  In 2008 we started the process to adopt from Korea but we still kept trying to get pregnant.

In May 2011 we went to Korea to pick up our daughter.  Then the week after we got home we got pregnant and had a baby in February 2012.

The doctors have no explanation for why we couldn't get pregnant for 12 years and all of a sudden it happened with no drugs or other artificial means.

I know what you're going through.  I'd recommend adoption but only International Adoption.  I'd avoid US adoptions.  My brother and sister in law tried US adoption and had 3 different mothers give birth and then decide to keep the baby before my in-laws wised up and went international.  US adoptions are a scam.  You pay for all of these fees to the adoption agency, you pay for all of the medical care for the woman, and then she changes her mind and keeps the baby and you are out all of the money.  There are no refunds, it's just "too bad, let's try to find you another woman to adopt from, btw that'll be another 10k processing fee to get you started".  And that doesn't even count the emotional damage this does to you when your dream of becoming a family is snatched away from you at the very last moment. (Yes, I'm sure there are people who have had successful US adoptions, but do you really want to take this risk?)

In the US the process starts with a pregnant woman.  In most other countries the child has been born, the woman has surrendered her rights to the State, and then they start the adoption process.  In Korea they spend the first five months trying to find a Korean (nationality, not race) family to adopt the child.  After five months the Korean adoption agency will begin the process of finding a US/Australian/UK/etc family to adopt the child.  The point is, if you go with international adoption you know there is a child waiting for you at the end of the process. You won't get ripped off if you go International.


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## WDW Obsessed

Sorry to hear about your difficulty.  Don't give up!!

I don't want to ask too much or go into great detail, but are you currently seeing a reproductive doc and not just a basic OB??  Have you done any IVF treatments?  Look into those things if you have not yet.  

Personally my wife and I tried for 1-2 years on our own before coming pregnant.  I work/ed in the IVF industry and can point you in the right direction if you need suggestions or help.

-Derek


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## Jedana

stay strong!  

DH and I had trouble conceiving DS (kid #3).  It took us almost 7 years of trying. 

My favorite niece was told she could never have kids, due to a birth defect.  Her DD turns one this year.  

My 2nd favorite niece had a raging pelvic infection that severely damaged her uterus as a teenager--again, told she would never conceive--she has a boy (7) and a girl (3).  

Another niece (what..I have 7 of them) was fine with her first baby, but the delivery ripped her uterus.  Docs told her no more babies, as it could kill her.  She has 2 boys now, ages 5 and 2.


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## Lemonademouth

WDW Obsessed said:
			
		

> Sorry to hear about your difficulty.  Don't give up!!
> 
> I don't want to ask too much or go into great detail, but are you currently seeing a reproductive doc and not just a basic OB??  Have you done any IVF treatments?  Look into those things if you have not yet.
> 
> Personally my wife and I tried for 1-2 years on our own before coming pregnant.  I work/ed in the IVF industry and can point you in the right direction if you need suggestions or help.
> 
> -Derek



We are seeing a fertility doc. Today was actually our third IUI, so all fingers and toes are crossed. We have not done any IVF's yet, but we will if we have to. Doctor said everything looked perfect this cycle. I have lost 45lbs. 5 since the new year. Hoping and praying this is our time!!!


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## Lemonademouth

Jedana said:
			
		

> stay strong!
> 
> DH and I had trouble conceiving DS (kid #3).  It took us almost 7 years of trying.
> 
> My favorite niece was told she could never have kids, due to a birth defect.  Her DD turns one this year.
> 
> My 2nd favorite niece had a raging pelvic infection that severely damaged her uterus as a teenager--again, told she would never conceive--she has a boy (7) and a girl (3).
> 
> Another niece (what..I have 7 of them) was fine with her first baby, but the delivery ripped her uterus.  Docs told her no more babies, as it could kill her.  She has 2 boys now, ages 5 and 2.



We do our best to stay positive. I won't say there aren't days of complete breakdown where all I want to do is sit up in my room with the blinds shut and a tub of cookies and cream and bad tv. Luckily I have Celiacs so it makes it hard to eat a lot of junk food, but those days are very rare now that I have lost my weight. It makes it easier to do things to occupy my thoughts, like going out and trying on clothes in the non plus sizes. 

I am praying for our miracle!!


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## riley2008

Lemonademouth said:


> We are seeing a fertility doc. Today was actually our third IUI, so all fingers and toes are crossed. We have not done any IVF's yet, but we will if we have to. Doctor said everything looked perfect this cycle. I have lost 45lbs. 5 since the new year. Hoping and praying this is our time!!!



Oh, good luck to you!  

As an IVFer with unexplained infertility - well they "think" it may have been due to endometriosis covering the outside of the fallopian tubes, but not sure.

Have twin boys that are because of the wonders of IVF.  I think the progesterone shots for 3 months after helped them *stick*, but for some doctors, there is not hard fast evidence on this.  My infertility doc felt that if the evidence was mixed, no reason not to do them.  (Still, ouch! - but I'd do it again.)

Good luck to you and prayng for a "sticky bean"! (That's what we called the boys - beans this early on.)


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## Lemonademouth

riley2008 said:
			
		

> Oh, good luck to you!
> 
> As an IVFer with unexplained infertility - well they "think" it may have been due to endometriosis covering the outside of the fallopian tubes, but not sure.
> 
> Have twin boys that are because of the wonders of IVF.  I think the progesterone shots for 3 months after helped them *stick*, but for some doctors, there is not hard fast evidence on this.  My infertility doc felt that if the evidence was mixed, no reason not to do them.  (Still, ouch! - but I'd do it again.)
> 
> Good luck to you and prayng for a "sticky bean"! (That's what we called the boys - beans this early on.)



Thank you very much!!  I will have to remember that. It's cute.


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## WDW Obsessed

Lemonademouth said:


> We are seeing a fertility doc. Today was actually our third IUI, so all fingers and toes are crossed. We have not done any IVF's yet, but we will if we have to. Doctor said everything looked perfect this cycle. I have lost 45lbs. 5 since the new year. Hoping and praying this is our time!!!



Good luck!  

Weight loss is always a good thing in most cases.  Good news is you are doing IUI's, which means your husbands sperm samples are good(unless you insurance is making you do 3 cycles of IUI before IVF).  Well if you need anything just holla!


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## starsweeper

I am so sorry you are dealing with infertility.  It is very hard and people in our lives don't always comprehend what we are going through.

I knew before I married my DH I may have fertility problems, they are common in my family.  We tried the mandatory 1 year without interventions, then began seeing an RE.  Over 4 years, we tried Clomid 3 times, IUI twice and IVF twice with no luck.  Our RE told us the entire practice reviewed our case (also unexplained) and couldn't determine why I wasn't pregnant as a 31yo.  The next steps involved talks of 2-3 more IVFs with genetic testing, possible surrogacy since they wondered if I couldn't keep a pregnancy (I had an initial positive test on Clomid and IVF once each).

I told my DH I was done and didn't have much faith that anything would work, and they were offering very expensive options.  We chose to adopt.  We have two beautiful, precious 6yos (1 boy, 1 girl) from Guatemala that came home to us at 9mos and 6.5 mos.  We can't imagine our lives without them.

My DH traveled internationally and I had no help, so we moved near my family in 2009.  I was so much more relaxed as my parents are very hands on with the kids (their only grandchildren).  In 2010, at the age of 35 I learned I was 10.5 weeks pregnant after feeling off for weeks and finally taking a test (I always had irregular cycles).  YDS was born and very healthy.  I knew I wanted a 4th child, so we took advantage of high fertility after giving birth.  I was pregnant by March and delivered a healthy YDD 362 days after YDS.

Miracles do happen, so don't give up.


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## It'sWDW4me

I'm so very sorry. I can't imagine the frustration and heartache you've gone through. The only thing I can say is - don't give up hope but do accept the possibility that you may not carry a child. They seem like contradictory terms but not really. Keep hope alive but don't let it consume you. Try to envision a life with a child (I'm sure you already have) but also try to envision a full life without a child.

My neighbor and her DH tried for YEARS to get pregnant. Unfortunately, they split and she found someone else. About 2 years with the new guy, still not pregnant, she FINALLY accepted that she would probably never have a child. Went in for some sort of procedure when the doctor needed to be sure she wasn't preggo beforehand and guess what?  Her sweet son was born this past June. 

On the flip side, unfortunately, my ex-SIL never did have a baby. She tried and tried but it just never happened for her.  Her second husband had a grown child from a previous marriage so she's now enjoying her grandkids. 

Stay strong, OP. I so hope the stars align for you.


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## quandrea

Lemonademouth said:


> I know this is not as terrible as what some of you are going through, and I'm sorry for everyone's loss and bad ills. I just have no where else to turn. I don't have many friends, and none of my family is there for me.
> 
> DH and I have been trying for seven years to have a baby. We have been pregnant three times and lost each one by week 8. We were seeing a fertility doctor about three years ago who did nothing but give us medicines. My grandfather passed so we put everything on hold. We are on our fourth month of seeing a new doctor, I had been battling a thyroid disorder I had no clue about and for the last year has been on track through help of synthroid. I have lost 40lbs since January.  I was just told that there really is no explanation as too why I cannot get pregnant, or then maintain a pregnancy. I have went from thisreason to that reason to now it is unexplained. I feel like it is never going to happen for us.


I  not a doctor but have hope. I had four miscarriages after my first child and now I have three year old twins, conceived naturally. My on said if I had enough resolve I would eventually carry to term. I did take progesterone and baby aspirin. Ask your doctor. And be well. I won't tell you to relax because I used to hate that. Keep trying.


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## DonaldDuck80

Lemonademouth said:
			
		

> I know this is not as terrible as what some of you are going through, and I'm sorry for everyone's loss and bad ills. I just have no where else to turn. I don't have many friends, and none of my family is there for me.
> 
> DH and I have been trying for seven years to have a baby. We have been pregnant three times and lost each one by week 8. We were seeing a fertility doctor about three years ago who did nothing but give us medicines. My grandfather passed so we put everything on hold. We are on our fourth month of seeing a new doctor, I had been battling a thyroid disorder I had no clue about and for the last year has been on track through help of synthroid. I have lost 40lbs since January.  I was just told that there really is no explanation as too why I cannot get pregnant, or then maintain a pregnancy. I have went from thisreason to that reason to now it is unexplained. I feel like it is never going to happen for us.



I feel your pain.  We tr for seven years before we got pregnant, with one miscarriage the year before the pregnancy that stuck.   My wife had to be a walking pharmacy to ensure our son made it.   Femara is the drug that helped us get pregnant and then my wife had to stay on her thyroid medication as well as metformin to keep everything ok. There were a few other drugs in there I think but Femara and Metformin were the two that helped conception and making sure he stayed and grew healthy.  Don't give up, my wife and I are proof it can happen!   Our thoughts and prayers are with you that one day you'll hold a sweet little angel in your arms to love for the rest of your life.


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## Lemonademouth

DonaldDuck80 said:
			
		

> I feel your pain.  We tr for seven years before we got pregnant, with one miscarriage the year before the pregnancy that stuck.   My wife had to be a walking pharmacy to ensure our son made it.   Femara is the drug that helped us get pregnant and then my wife had to stay on her thyroid medication as well as metformin to keep everything ok. There were a few other drugs in there I think but Femara and Metformin were the two that helped conception and making sure he stayed and grew healthy.  Don't give up, my wife and I are proof it can happen!   Our thoughts and prayers are with you that one day you'll hold a sweet little angel in your arms to love for the rest of your life.



I appreciate your prayers, And I love hearing stories of people with the same issues having succeeded. I am currently on metformin 5 years, synthroid 1 year baby aspirin 3 months. Femara-3rd month pregnyl-1st month. Prayers-6 1/2 years!!!  Hoping this is our year. My team is finally in the Super Bowl so, I feel it is our year for many splendid things!!!


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## DonaldDuck80

Niners or Ravens?


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## Lemonademouth

DonaldDuck80 said:
			
		

> Niners or Ravens?



Ravens. Every year at the beginning of football season I tell everyone, this is our year. We are going back!!  This year it finally happened.


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## DonaldDuck80

Niners fan here!  We haven't been since '94!  Though the Ravens are my AFC team......  I like them mostly because of Dennis Pitta, he attended the college I root for.  So even losing won't be too disappointing.....but still want my Niners to come away with #6!


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## JoJoFromNY

Glad to hear you have lost weight but too bad you are celiac.  Our youngest has celiac as well.  WDW is the only place we vacation that takes extra good care of keeping our daughter's diet on track.

As for getting pregnant...try waiting a little later in the month to conceive.  We tried faithfully every month on day 9, 11, 13 etc. with no luck.  The one month we just started trying on day 19, 21, etc. was when it happened for us.  Just a thought and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.  Keep us posted!


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## stargazertechie

Jasonkat said:


> I know what you're going through.  I'd recommend adoption but only International Adoption.  I'd avoid US adoptions.  My brother and sister in law tried US adoption and had 3 different mothers give birth and then decide to keep the baby before my in-laws wised up and went international.  US adoptions are a scam.  You pay for all of these fees to the adoption agency, you pay for all of the medical care for the woman, and then she changes her mind and keeps the baby and you are out all of the money.  There are no refunds, it's just "too bad, let's try to find you another woman to adopt from, btw that'll be another 10k processing fee to get you started".  And that doesn't even count the emotional damage this does to you when your dream of becoming a family is snatched away from you at the very last moment. (Yes, I'm sure there are people who have had successful US adoptions, but do you really want to take this risk?)



Please don't paint all domestic adoptions in the same light. YES, there are disrupted adoptions. YES, biological parents sometimes change their minds. That's why I think it is important to work with a highly recommended and ethical agency. The agencies that I have looked into do not expect prospective adoptive parents to pay ANY of the expectant woman's medical expenses- the agency covers that cost, and then is "recouped" through the placement fee after a successful placement, or through the generosity of donors. 

And not all domestic adoptions= infant adoption. It is *nearly* free to adopt from foster care, and there are currently over 100,000 children in the US whose parents have had their rights terminated and are legally free to be adopted. No risk, and you can be matched within WEEKS with a placement which is almost guaranteed to NOT be disrupted. 

International adoption comes with risks too- you never know the issues a child may be presenting with until you get home in some cases, programs close all of the time (look at what just happened with Russia, with families in process) and not all international governments are ethically upright. I also know of a family who was in the process of adopting from China, they had received a referral, and they were getting ready to travel, and they received a call that the child they had matched with had unfortunately and unexpectedly passed away. 

I think a major benefit of a domestic adoption is the OPENNESS you can have with the family of origin. I was raised in a closed adoption, but just this past year reunited with my biological mother and her second husband, and her children (my siblings) from her first and second marriage. Having that sort of connection to your roots is much more rare in international adoption. 


Just my .02


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## Lemonademouth

stargazertechie said:
			
		

> Please don't paint all domestic adoptions in the same light. YES, there are disrupted adoptions. YES, biological parents sometimes change their minds. That's why I think it is important to work with a highly recommended and ethical agency. The agencies that I have looked into do not expect prospective adoptive parents to pay ANY of the expectant woman's medical expenses- the agency covers that cost, and then is "recouped" through the placement fee after a successful placement, or through the generosity of donors.
> 
> And not all domestic adoptions= infant adoption. It is *nearly* free to adopt from foster care, and there are currently over 100,000 children in the US whose parents have had their rights terminated and are legally free to be adopted. No risk, and you can be matched within WEEKS with a placement which is almost guaranteed to NOT be disrupted.
> 
> International adoption comes with risks too- you never know the issues a child may be presenting with until you get home in some cases, programs close all of the time (look at what just happened with Russia, with families in process) and not all international governments are ethically upright. I also know of a family who was in the process of adopting from China, they had received a referral, and they were getting ready to travel, and they received a call that the child they had matched with had unfortunately and unexpectedly passed away.
> 
> I think a major benefit of a domestic adoption is the OPENNESS you can have with the family of origin. I was raised in a closed adoption, but just this past year reunited with my biological mother and her second husband, and her children (my siblings) from her first and second marriage. Having that sort of connection to your roots is much more rare in international adoption.
> 
> Just my .02



I was going to go through an American adoption agency if we go that route. We've waited seven years, what's a few more if it gets us an infant.


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## shell8558

My thought sand prayers are with you. A good friend of mine tried for 8 years to have a baby wiht no luck. Then they started to look into adoption through our local FosterCare system. After they started the program and certifications, they finally learned they were pregnant. The doctor had no explanations. They finally delivered a baby girl and 6 months later were pregnant again. So they ended up with 2 kids in 2 years. Doctor said that somethimes your body needs a jump start. Good luck! My prayers are with you!


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## Disneylover99

It took years for me to get pregnant.  
Someone suggested I drink Nettle tea  (because it helps to open up your cervix) and eat a lot of black licorice a couple of days before ovulation (I could only stomach red licorice) so I did.
I got pregnant right away.
Maybe it was all just a coincidence...But hey, it might be worth a shot!
Don't give up yet!
Good luck!


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## ChipnDale79

Keep up the hope, I know its hard but hopefully things work out.

My wife and I tried for 2 years after we got married and decided to seek help from an RE, my wife has PCOS.  The RE advised it would be difficult for us to get pregnant but we could, and even if we did get pregnant there was a higher risk of losing the baby than normal.  After our second IUI we found out we were had a "little bean" on the way.  When our son was 4 months old my wife found out that she was pregnant with our second son.

We now have a 19 month old son and a 6 month old son.

On a side note, my parents tried for 10 years before my sister was born, I was born 20 months after her.

Good things can happen.


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## Lemonademouth

Feeling rather nervous as at my menses check they found a cyst just under the 5cm mark. No treatment this cycle . Worried because my cysts always have a tendency to grow not shrink. I have had 2 lap's in the past for cyst removal, and I'm worried because I have had a dermoid for the last year that has been bothering the doc just not enough. I'm worried this new growth may tip the scales towards another lap which will do one of two things; delay our April Disney trip, or put TTC on hold for a few months. I am hoping I am just worrying over nothing.


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## CaLuCa

I don't get a chance to post much, but I wanted to share our infertility story with you as another source of hope.

After our DD turned 3.5, DH decided we should have another.  We went through a year "on our own", followed by 7 IUIs (3 clomids and 4 injectables).  I produced nice sized, multiple eggs each times.  No success.  First IVF cycle produced 8 or 10 usable eggs, with 6 or 8 fertilizing, but only 2 good enough for transfer.  (I produce fewer eggs because I only have one ovary and tube due to a ovarian cyst torsion-twisting and killing off my ovary...this happened prior to DD).  Cycle didn't work.  Second IVF cycle meds were adjusted.  Produced roughly the same amount of eggs, but 3 were much higher quality.  Transferred two and put the 3rd to grow for a couple of more days (didn't get far enough to put on ice though).

Cycle worked.  Had lovely high hcg numbers.  Went off to Disney with DD who was now 6.5.  Did no rides more interesting than IASW!  Killed me because I really love Splash M and hadn't been on the new Everest.  But wasn't risking a thing!  Came home from WDW and 3 days later heard the most wonderful words I will ever hear in my life.

From the doctor doing the ultrasound:  
Yes, I see two heartbeats.

Now are twins are facing their 3rd birthday and planning a trip to celebrate, which was delayed due to the birth of their brother!  Yes, we got an unplanned, surprise baby!  Who we didn't have to pay for!  I made DH take the money we "saved" on this baby and we went on a Disney cruise last summer.  We'll also celebrate our last night of three under 3 while at WDW.

Maintain hope.  I know it's challenging when family doesn't understand.  Ours was not involved either.  Infertility is very hard...almost ended our marriage.  Be kind to yourself.


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## Deesknee

Prayers for your family.  And remember just because it is the 2 of you for now, you are still a family. I began reading this and was not going to share my story.  I remember during my 8 years of infertility hearing every story told. I remember thinking, yeah, but that's not me.  But, as a pp stated, the importance of hope should not be overlooked. Please though at the same time there is much to be said for acceptance when the time is right for you ... if it comes to that.
We went from thinking "when God thinks it is right it will happen", to well maybe a little help, (I think that was called clomid), to switching doctors, to finding a "reproductive endocronoligist (sp?)" We had false urine pregnancy tests (several of them actually) and even a false blood pregnancy test (which I swear must have been some other womans. Whom I hope didn't go out to drink her sorrows away if she in fact got my test results). We tried an "identified adoption" which led to us having the baby for 1 night, then the birth mother taking him back.  Long before this I had started doubting my faith. Why me? And reading all those stories about parents that do horrible things to their own children. WHY?
Finally we called an adoption agency and made an appointment. 2 days before that appointment I found out I was pregnant. We did not cancel the appointment we did postpone it. We talked and decided maybe that is why. We are meant to give a child that may not ordinarily have the love we could give. So, we intended to adopt as well as have our own child. Then the day before our new scheduled appointment I began to bleed. Thinking we were loosing our baby we drove to the hospital, had an "internal ultra sound" and found we were having 3!!!  3 babies. I was told my infertility was do to me having an excessive amount of male hormones.  However after reading this thread I wonder if it isn't due to my clotting disorder.  I was told the chances I would ever become spontanously pregnant are slim to none.  Fast forward to 11 years later. I am 39 years old. DH & I are sitting down with our triplet 11 year olds telling them they are going to have a baby brother or sister.  
I now say all my children are surprise miracles.  We never did adopt. But, I no longer wonder why.  I beleive we were meant for something very special, and certainly something we were not capable of caring for properly at the young age when we decided to start "trying" to have a baby.

BTW, we tried all the little "tricks".  We even bought a book on it. Some of those were just plain CRAZY.  Someday, although it isn't funny now for you, someday you will laugh at the things you thought and did to make your miracle happen. Good Luck and God Bless.


----------



## ZellyB

stargazertechie said:


> Please don't paint all domestic adoptions in the same light. YES, there are disrupted adoptions. YES, biological parents sometimes change their minds. That's why I think it is important to work with a highly recommended and ethical agency. The agencies that I have looked into do not expect prospective adoptive parents to pay ANY of the expectant woman's medical expenses- the agency covers that cost, and then is "recouped" through the placement fee after a successful placement, or through the generosity of donors.
> 
> And not all domestic adoptions= infant adoption. It is *nearly* free to adopt from foster care, and there are currently over 100,000 children in the US whose parents have had their rights terminated and are legally free to be adopted. No risk, and you can be matched within WEEKS with a placement which is almost guaranteed to NOT be disrupted.
> 
> International adoption comes with risks too- you never know the issues a child may be presenting with until you get home in some cases, programs close all of the time (look at what just happened with Russia, with families in process) and not all international governments are ethically upright. I also know of a family who was in the process of adopting from China, they had received a referral, and they were getting ready to travel, and they received a call that the child they had matched with had unfortunately and unexpectedly passed away.
> 
> I think a major benefit of a domestic adoption is the OPENNESS you can have with the family of origin. I was raised in a closed adoption, but just this past year reunited with my biological mother and her second husband, and her children (my siblings) from her first and second marriage. Having that sort of connection to your roots is much more rare in international adoption.
> 
> 
> Just my .02



I just wanted to second this wonderful post.  There is no perfect answer that fits everyone and that's why really doing good research and figuring out what works best for you and your situation is key.  We did a domestic infant adoption through a private agency 15 years ago and had a wonderful experience.  We have a fully open relationship with my son's birthmother and it has been such a blessing for all of us.  We did eventually also do IVF and were blessed with healthy twin daughters who are 9 years old now.  Infertility is so difficult and so hard for others to understand.  OP, I wish you peace and luck as you navigate this journey.  But, don't give up hope.  There are many possibilities out there just try to stay positive and continue to look for the right option for you.


----------



## Aliceacc

After 9 years of trying, I got pregnant with my older daughter a few months after adopting my son. (I was 41 at the time, 42 when she was born.) Our younger daughter was born 3 years later. (Yep, 45.)

If you have any questions about international adoption, I'll be more than happy to help you sort through it all.

In the meantime you and your husband remain in my prayers.


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## Lemonademouth

Thank you all for your stories. I still have a tiny shred of hope left. But it is just hard watching literally everyone I know having multiple kids without even wanting them. It makes my heart hurt.


----------



## Deesknee

Lemonademouth said:


> Thank you all for your stories. I still have a tiny shred of hope left. But it is just hard watching literally everyone I know having multiple kids without even wanting them. It makes my heart hurt.



I remember that aching. I'm so sorry you are going through this.  Prayers and well wishes will continue.


----------



## laughinplace199

OP, I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  I know how hard it is.

My first three pregnancies ended in miscarriages, all at 6-8 weeks.  I went to several doctors and had every test under the sun and no one could find anything wrong with me or DH.

It was so hard to see all of my friends, most of whom got married after I did, start their families with no problems.  

Finally, we went to a top reproduction specialist in our city.  More tests and no answers.  He then suggested we use an ovulation predictor kit.  He said that sometimes fertilization just doesn't occur at the optimal time and that things start to go wrong as a result.

We used the kit and soon were pregnant with DD (now 13 yrs old).  Then I decided I was "cured" since I had a successful pregnancy and we decided to try for #2 without using the kit.  I got pregnant fairly quickly and then miscarried six weeks later.  A few months later, we tried using a kit again and got pregnant with DS (now 11).  

A few years later, we decided that we'd like to try for one more.  We used the kits and a few months later, we were expecting DS (now 6).

I don't know if it was really the timing of things that helped us or if it was just a coincidence, but it worked.  Perhaps that's worth a try?

I really hope that things work out for you.


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## kandb

OP, I have 3 children and they were all conceived using donor egg.  "Usually" the majority of miscarriages are due to chromosomal issues.  I had 4 miscarriages and our first attempt at an IVF with donor egg, lead to the birth of my 9 year old twins.  We also have a 4 year old from a different cycle.  Donor egg worked for us because I was able to carry my children and give birth to them.  I always tell them the happiest day of my life was when they handed my babies to me.  There are alot of ways to have children and do some soul searching and decide what works best for you and your husband.


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## Mickey'sApprentice

OP, I'm in the same boat. We've tried for 10 years with no luck. I took fertility drugs but have not done IVF. I'm getting too old to get pregnant (43) and we've decided that we will try to adopt. We had hoped to have our affairs in order by May to go for international adoption. May will be 1 year after completing my PhD. Hubby would not consider IVF while I was still in school. Anyway, one of three schools I teach for fell through on me today.  Anyway, we had hoped to go with International and now that seems in jeopardy. 

Why does my life keep getting in my way, and why does hubby keep insisting that our life be in order? Plus, I don't know what a social worker will say at this point.


----------



## Interrobang

My husband and I went through seven years of infertility before conceiving our twins via IVF. It's a painful journey. 

I have several friends who had multiple miscarriages that were finally able to sustain a pregnancy by taking progesterone as soon as they found out they were pregnant. It's also something that they have you take when you do IVF. I'd highly recommend you see a reproductive endocrinologist if you aren't already and discuss progesterone. It's easy to take. I've always done ******l suppositories and friends took it orally.


----------



## Lisaren

Hearing the success stories does give hope, but it does not make your heart hurt any less. My husband and I tried for nine years to have a baby. I felt like a failure and less like a woman. We were lucky because we only had one miscarriage during that time. We finally decided to start infertility treatments and made an appointment because I was going on 30. Two days before the appointment to get a referral to an infertility specialist, I found out I was pregnant and began spotting. I was terrified, but everything was fine. My wonderful daughter is now 14 and I had no problems getting pregnant the second time with my now 11 year old son. 
Some go the adoption route, some decide just to enjoy the family they have, some manage to suceed with IVF or other options, and some just get lucky. Just do what is right for you and your family (you and your husband are a family no matter what it may feel like).


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## Deesknee

Dear Lemonaidmouth,  You came to my mind today, so I decided to log in & see if you have any news.  I am hoping you came to my mind because beautiful things are happening for you.


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## Lemonademouth

Deesknee said:


> Dear Lemonaidmouth,  You came to my mind today, so I decided to log in & see if you have any news.  I am hoping you came to my mind because beautiful things are happening for you.



No news yet.  We are in the looking for a surge on the OPK's stage of this cycle.  We skipped last month because I had a 5cm cyst on my left ovary.  This month it had gone down half the size on it's own.  My doctor switched me to clomid, and we will be doing another IUI once I get my positive surge.  All fingers and toes are crossed.  It is my birthday month and it would be an awesome birthday present!!! In fact aunt flo is due on my birthday.  so I'm hoping and praying.


----------



## Deesknee

Lemonademouth said:


> No news yet.  We are in the looking for a surge on the OPK's stage of this cycle.  We skipped last month because I had a 5cm cyst on my left ovary.  This month it had gone down half the size on it's own.  My doctor switched me to clomid, and we will be doing another IUI once I get my positive surge.  All fingers and toes are crossed.  It is my birthday month and it would be an awesome birthday present!!! In fact aunt flo is due on my birthday.  so I'm hoping and praying.



March is a month of beautiful people I love dearly's birthday.  Hopes and prayers you receive the ultimate birthday gift.  Happy Birthday. I have loved ones whose birthdays are... 5th, 7th,16th,18th,20th,24th and 28th!!!  I love March!  And IF you conceive in March there is a possiblity your baby could share my January bday....depending when in March.    Regardless...good luck with the surgeon. I was on clomid at one point.  Best of luck.  fingers and toes crossed here for you also.


----------



## tlkscott

Without reading the whole strand, have you been tested for Factor V, MTHFR protein s and c, and other clotting factors? I have had four m/c. I had to double the amount of Lovenox I took in order to carry my my son to term. Lots of doctors will say that Factor V and so on does not cause early m/c just late term loss. However, there is newer research showing otherwise. (((HUGS))) I was almost 39 before we got our son.


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## rewardsinlife

Now, this may sound bizarre, but I have known at least 3 couples in my lifetime who had the same difficulty in conceiving ( some with medical problems and some without) that were able to have a child after they gave up trying so hard and just became happy with each other. 
Ex. 
1st couple: no medical problems but couldn't seem to get pregnant after 10 years of trying...after that they determined it wasn't meant to be. Adopted a child, and a year later the adopted child got an unplanned sibling! Relaxing and not having the pressure of counting best fertility times..etc. helped.

2nd couple: thyroid had to be taken completely out for cancer and had to take hormones...told she would never have a child.  Also, she was obese and lost about 60 pounds. She now has a cute 2 year old girl.

3rd couple: had cervical cancer and had to have cervix completely take out. Told she would never have a child. Had 8 miscarriages. Given up and said she must have dogs as her adopted kids. 4 months later...she got pregnant, had a high risk pregnancy but carried to full term. She now has a healthy 4 year old girl. 

So give up...but not entirely? Relaxing, making things fun and not freaking out worrying if it happens or not seems to be the key


----------



## Lemonademouth

Update!!!!


Today I am 5 days late. I took two tests and both were +. My RE had me go in this afternoon for bloodwork, and they said they should get it back first thing am. I'm excited out of my head and its going to be hard to keep it under wraps for two more months. Hoping for some sticky dust.


----------



## mommasita

Lemonademouth said:


> Update!!!!
> 
> 
> Today I am 5 days late. I took two tests and both were +. My RE had me go in this afternoon for bloodwork, and they said they should get it back first thing am. I'm excited out of my head and its going to be hard to keep it under wraps for two more months. Hoping for some sticky dust.




Lots of sticky dust, and love and hugs.


----------



## Aliceacc

rewardsinlife said:


> Now, this may sound bizarre, but I have known at least 3 couples in my lifetime who had the same difficulty in conceiving ( some with medical problems and some without) that were able to have a child after they gave up trying so hard and just became happy with each other.
> Ex.
> 1st couple: no medical problems but couldn't seem to get pregnant after 10 years of trying...after that they determined it wasn't meant to be. Adopted a child, and a year later the adopted child got an unplanned sibling! Relaxing and not having the pressure of counting best fertility times..etc. helped.
> 
> 2nd couple: thyroid had to be taken completely out for cancer and had to take hormones...told she would never have a child.  Also, she was obese and lost about 60 pounds. She now has a cute 2 year old girl.
> 
> 3rd couple: had cervical cancer and had to have cervix completely take out. Told she would never have a child. Had 8 miscarriages. Given up and said she must have dogs as her adopted kids. 4 months later...she got pregnant, had a high risk pregnancy but carried to full term. She now has a healthy 4 year old girl.
> 
> So give up...but not entirely? Relaxing, making things fun and not freaking out worrying if it happens or not seems to be the key





I read somewhere that it happens to about 4% of adoptive parents, but apparently we're in that 4% and I've met quite a lot of people in there too. 

_(According to Parents Magazine, it's about 5%: Myth 5: Once a couple adopts a child, the woman will become pregnant.

This particular myth is not only painful for infertile couples to hear, but it's also untrue. First of all, it suggests that adoption is simply a means to an end (a pregnancy), and not, in and of itself, a valid and wonderful way to form a family. Secondly, only about 5 percent of couples who do adopt later become pregnant. This success rate is the same for couples who don't adopt and become pregnant without further treatment.)_

OP and others, just don't wait too long to start the adoption process. At some point, you start to age out of some of the programs.


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## Lemonademouth

I got off the phone with my re's office. Bloodwork came back good, retesting tomorrow. Was put on progesterone supplements.


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## Lemonademouth

Just got out of the hospital. Turns out it was a chemical pregnancy. An ultrasound showed no gestational sac and my hcg levels dropped to 22. I'm beyond devastated and do not know what to do with myself. I cannot seem to stop crying. Everytime I'm lucky enough to fall asleep I wake up crying.


----------



## StitchesGr8Fan

Lemonademouth said:


> Just got out of the hospital. Turns out it was a chemical pregnancy. An ultrasound showed no gestational sac and my hcg levels dropped to 22. I'm beyond devastated and do not know what to do with myself. I cannot seem to stop crying. Everytime I'm lucky enough to fall asleep I wake up crying.



Many women have reported being extra fertile the cycle after a chemical pregnancy. My mother and 2 of my friends included. It's like your body is warming up and the first time was a practice. Unless your dr advised you otherwise, I would try again this month.


----------



## ptlohmysoul

Lemonademouth said:


> Just got out of the hospital. Turns out it was a chemical pregnancy. An ultrasound showed no gestational sac and my hcg levels dropped to 22. I'm beyond devastated and do not know what to do with myself. I cannot seem to stop crying. Everytime I'm lucky enough to fall asleep I wake up crying.



Are you eating right?  Pray for your baby and prepare for your baby by eating like you should when you get a baby - only healthy foods.  Fresh fruits, veggies, only organic meats and dairy.  Limited grains if prepared properly.  No white sugar.  Cut out table salt (and limit your sea salt).  Google getting pregnant diet - may come up with more info (make sure the source is credible).  I saw you were loosing weight - Is that 'cause you started doing some of this already?  Practice eating healthy, getting all the nutrients your baby will need.


----------



## Aliceacc

Lemonademouth said:


> Just got out of the hospital. Turns out it was a chemical pregnancy. An ultrasound showed no gestational sac and my hcg levels dropped to 22. I'm beyond devastated and do not know what to do with myself. I cannot seem to stop crying. Everytime I'm lucky enough to fall asleep I wake up crying.



I'm so very  sorry.


----------



## Lemonademouth

ptlohmysoul said:


> Are you eating right?  Pray for your baby and prepare for your baby by eating like you should when you get a baby - only healthy foods.  Fresh fruits, veggies, only organic meats and dairy.  Limited grains if prepared properly.  No white sugar.  Cut out table salt (and limit your sea salt).  Google getting pregnant diet - may come up with more info (make sure the source is credible).  I saw you were loosing weight - Is that 'cause you started doing some of this already?  Practice eating healthy, getting all the nutrients your baby will need.



I have been, I'm on the blood sugar solutions diet where I eat only whole foods. I'm allergic to wheat and gluten so that makes it a little easier.


----------



## kellyjeanie

Lemonademouth said:


> Just got out of the hospital. Turns out it was a chemical pregnancy. An ultrasound showed no gestational sac and my hcg levels dropped to 22. I'm beyond devastated and do not know what to do with myself. I cannot seem to stop crying. Everytime I'm lucky enough to fall asleep I wake up crying.



I'm so sorry for your loss.


----------



## Deesknee

I too am so sorry for your loss.


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## Mickey'sApprentice

So sorry.


----------



## mommasita

I'm so sorry..


----------



## starsweeper

I'm sorry you are dealing with infertility and for so long.  We tried for 5 years with 2 fertility doctors and were "unexplained."  We were pregnant once with an empty sac on Clomid and had a positive test after IVF #1 that turned out to be a false positive.  We stopped when the RE suggested a series of 2-3 IVFs to test for genetic irregularities, determine if I just couldn't hold a pregnancy and/or use a surrogate.

We chose to adopt a boy and girl from Guatemala who came home at nearly 9 months and 6.5 months.  We went on with our lives and moved near my parents 2 years later, so my parents could see the kids more and help out.  A year later I learned I was nearly 11 weeks pregnant with YDS.  Three months after YDS was born we purposely tried for YDD when we knew I would be most fertile.  The odd thing is I now have completely regular cycles. 

Maybe you need to step away from TTC and reevaluate what you want to do, ie keep TTC, adopt, foster to adopt, etc.  I fully believe stress was a major component that kept me from conceiving.  I conceived YDS a month after developing high blood pressure and weighing my highest weight, but I wasn't stressed living near my parents who helped when my DH traveled and I wasn't thinking about babies anymore.


----------



## Deesknee

Just to let you know.   You are still in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## coffeecassie

Don't give up, you are going to be a great Mommy someday. Hugs.


----------



## Lemonademouth

Deesknee said:


> Just to let you know.   You are still in my thoughts and prayers.



I appreciate it very much.


----------



## Lemonademouth

coffeecassie said:


> Don't give up, you are going to be a great Mommy someday. Hugs.



I hope so!


----------



## bc133

Aliceacc said:


> I read somewhere that it happens to about 4% of adoptive parents, but apparently we're in that 4% and I've met quite a lot of people in there too.
> 
> (According to Parents Magazine, it's about 5%: Myth 5: Once a couple adopts a child, the woman will become pregnant.
> 
> This particular myth is not only painful for infertile couples to hear, but it's also untrue. First of all, it suggests that adoption is simply a means to an end (a pregnancy), and not, in and of itself, a valid and wonderful way to form a family. Secondly, only about 5 percent of couples who do adopt later become pregnant. This success rate is the same for couples who don't adopt and become pregnant without further treatment.)
> 
> OP and others, just don't wait too long to start the adoption process. At some point, you start to age out of some of the programs.



I love what Aliceacc said!! Adoption to us is such a joy & when people act like it was our last option it's hurtful. 

DH & I went through this same thing. The chemical pregnancies or false positives as I would call them were the worse. You are in my prayers. I had bad side effects from the clomid, gonalF & other medications causing hyper stimulation which caused us to evaluate our plan-only option left was IVF. We decided that my body had had enough & adoption was the right choice for us.  We researched adoption agencies, domestic & international, and went domestic. Best decision ever!! Like everything else, it's choosing the right company. Ours protected us. If the BM changed her mom, we didn't loose our money. 

I know that you are no where near looking into that but if/when you are you can PM me & I'll be more than happy to answer any questions.


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## tlkscott

Just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about you a lot today. Today is the EDD of my first loss. You never forget.


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## Mickey'sApprentice

My husband and I have really been going through it over the last couple of days. We have been considering international adoption for awhile. Our hopes were to have a relatively healthy 3 year old in 3 years. China is out with us because I am significantly overweight. Our situation is further complicated because I'm 44 and hubby is 47.

We were seriously considering Bulgaria...but 2 programs have now told us that they are now adopting 7 year olds and children with moderate to severe special needs. 

We seem to be back at square one. We are concerned that we wouldn't be picked by a birth Mom back here in the states. We may go with the child welfare system but was reluctant before now because it is also older children or special need. Hubby hasn't wanted a new born because well...he's 47. I've always said I would prefer an infant over disabled. 

We just don't know where to turn now. I refuse to give up.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.


----------



## MistressMerryweather

HUGS We had 5 miscarriages until they finally found out that I had a septate uterus.  A septum that grew where it shouldn't and right where the egg would come down and attach, and not be able to grow past 8 weeks.  
After 4 years, and finally finding out, I had surgery to have it removed.  Got pregnant, and miscarried again.   I was so devastated.  They told us we had to wait 3 months to try again, to let the body recuperate and to have a few cycles.  We didn't, and I was pregnant again, 2 week later.  
He will be 10 years old in July.  
Keep trying, don't give up hope.


----------



## Brandee987

Mickey'sApprentice said:


> My husband and I have really been going through it over the last couple of days. We have been considering international adoption for awhile. Our hopes were to have a relatively healthy 3 year old in 3 years. China is out with us because I am significantly overweight. Our situation is further complicated because I'm 44 and hubby is 47.
> 
> We were seriously considering Bulgaria...but 2 programs have now told us that they are now adopting 7 year olds and children with moderate to severe special needs.
> 
> We seem to be back at square one. We are concerned that we wouldn't be picked by a birth Mom back here in the states. We may go with the child welfare system but was reluctant before now because it is also older children or special need. Hubby hasn't wanted a new born because well...he's 47. I've always said I would prefer an infant over disabled.
> 
> We just don't know where to turn now. I refuse to give up.
> 
> Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.



Please don't count out China as an option! They do give waivers and rules are not set in stone except that you must be 30.   My daughter on left of my profile pic is from China. We adopted her as a 6 year old. The special need program is great and you can travel to bring your child home in about a year. We are in process to adopt another daughter from China. She is going to be 5 at adoption.   I have to say that older child adoption rocks!!! Message me anytime for China Adoption info


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## Lemonademouth

So, I know I should be a bigger person and not let this get me upset but its very hard. An acquaintance of mine is 20 weeks pregnant with a child by a man she hasn't yet known for a year. She has been known to tell me to let god worry about it and for me to stop. And that obviously god doesn't want/think I'm ready for children for whatever reason. And that she hates kids and would stop hanging out with me if I did end up pregnant, and if she ever became pregnant she would have an abortion, and just hurtful things whenever kids came up. She told me via the rest of her world through Facebook, even though she knows my struggles, and has still not even said hi to me since the announcement until yesterday when I get an email from her for my address for the baby shower, including an 'update' on everything up until that point, including how/when said child was conceived. That they are getting married this month(because you know as long as they are married BEFORE it arrives its no longer a sin?). And that I'm not invited to that but a reception will be held in September, thank goodness ill be in Disney for two weeks and will have a legit excuse instead of 'oh I have a headache'. Another thing that struck my nerve is her girls name is our boys name. That made me cry considering it took me years to come up with one I liked. The worst part of this whole story is we were out of touch for over a year, because dh and I stopped drinking and going out because fertility treatments cost a lot of money, and drinking just seems pointless while taking fertility meds so she stopped enjoying our company and used my birthday party 'she wasn't invited to' as an excuse as to why it was my fault.  It was a surprise party I had nor been aware of. My husband showed me days of calls he made to her, plus many text messages and Facebook messages she chose to ignore. All coming back to me about two weeks after this years birthday saying she's a changed person. I feel like it has been all a rouse to wrangle an extra present or two from me. Last year she was my only friend, at least this year I have a few more.


----------



## JandJ

I'm sorry, but I just had to reply to this because I've been there.

It doesn't sound like that girl is any kind of friend. If I were you, I would not go to the baby shower and not send a gift. You haven't been in touch with this girl for a year - you owe her nothing. She is obviously oblivious to your feelings so, IMO, why should you care about her feelings?

I was kind of in the same place a few years ago. DH and I struggled with infertility for a loooog time. IUI's, IVF's, miscarriage after miscariage, and a failed FET, then a failed domestic adoption (the BM changed her mind), and a failed international adoption (the US State Dept closed with that country 1 month before our match was official). Long story short, I had a supposed "best friend" for 12 years. She was with me through a lot - my mom's passing, my wedding, my daddy's passing, my moving a couple of times, etc. etc. - but she was never there for me with infertility. She was married during one of my IVF's and was mad at me for missing part of the reception because I had to go up to my hotel room and give myself a shot. It wasn't like I missed the cake cutting or the bouquet toss or anything important. So sorry I inconvenienced you!

Anyway, after we stopped TTC and went to adoption I started a private blog of our adoption journey. It was free and easy to sign up - even my DH's grandma who is not computer savvy signed up - but my supposed best friend couldn't find the time. She kept saying "can't you just make it public so I don't have to get a gmail account?" What? Hello! No! She ignored one of the most important things I've ever gone through. Then, on my birthday, which was 4 days before our international adoption home study - she came to my party and got drunk (nothing new, she got drunk all the time) and HIT ME  Who does that? She gave me a lame attempt at an apology the next day, but I couldn't forgive her because she called it an "accident" which it 100% was not an accident. My DH and her's saw the whole thing and they both saw it was no accident.

The hitting thing was bad enough, but it just made me see how insensitive she really was. She never cared how important our TTC/adoption journey was. She never really cared about me. It was hard, after 12 years, to realize that and let her go, but as soon as I did, and I cried about it, I felt like a lead weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Sounds like this so-called friend of yours does not know or care about what's important to you at all. Let her go. You have new friends and you don't need her drama.

ETA: Three of my true friends have gotten pregnant and had beautiful children since we stopped TTC. I cannot say I never felt a tiny bit jealous at first, but I can say that after I "digested it" I was so happy for them. They were very supportive of me and DH through the rough years and that meant the world to me. That's when you know you have true friends. You will find true friends!


----------



## Lemonademouth

JandJ said:


> I'm sorry, but I just had to reply to this because I've been there.
> 
> It doesn't sound like that girl is any kind of friend. If I were you, I would not go to the baby shower and not send a gift. You haven't been in touch with this girl for a year - you owe her nothing. She is obviously oblivious to your feelings so, IMO, why should you care about her feelings?
> 
> I was kind of in the same place a few years ago. DH and I struggled with infertility for a loooog time. IUI's, IVF's, miscarriage after miscariage, and a failed FET, then a failed domestic adoption (the BM changed her mind), and a failed international adoption (the US State Dept closed with that country 1 month before our match was official). Long story short, I had a supposed "best friend" for 12 years. She was with me through a lot - my mom's passing, my wedding, my daddy's passing, my moving a couple of times, etc. etc. - but she was never there for me with infertility. She was married during one of my IVF's and was mad at me for missing part of the reception because I had to go up to my hotel room and give myself a shot. It wasn't like I missed the cake cutting or the bouquet toss or anything important. So sorry I inconvenienced you!
> 
> Anyway, after we stopped TTC and went to adoption I started a private blog of our adoption journey. It was free and easy to sign up - even my DH's grandma who is not computer savvy signed up - but my supposed best friend couldn't find the time. She kept saying "can't you just make it public so I don't have to get a gmail account?" What? Hello! No! She ignored one of the most important things I've ever gone through. Then, on my birthday, which was 4 days before our international adoption home study - she came to my party and got drunk (nothing new, she got drunk all the time) and HIT ME  Who does that? She gave me a lame attempt at an apology the next day, but I couldn't forgive her because she called it an "accident" which it 100% was not an accident. My DH and her's saw the whole thing and they both saw it was no accident.
> 
> The hitting thing was bad enough, but it just made me see how insensitive she really was. She never cared how important our TTC/adoption journey was. She never really cared about me. It was hard, after 12 years, to realize that and let her go, but as soon as I did, and I cried about it, I felt like a lead weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
> 
> Sounds like this so-called friend of yours does not know or care about what's important to you at all. Let her go. You have new friends and you don't need her drama.
> 
> ETA: Three of my true friends have gotten pregnant and had beautiful children since we stopped TTC. I cannot say I never felt a tiny bit jealous at first, but I can say that after I "digested it" I was so happy for them. They were very supportive of me and DH through the rough years and that meant the world to me. That's when you know you have true friends. You will find true friends!



I just noticed your reply, and I'm so sorry you had to go through the insensitivity as well. It's a shame really how people who are so close to you can be so mean. I deleted her from Facebook last Sunday because she posted a picture of Cory Monteith with the caption 'wasn't he a favorite of yours?' Which caused me to flip out while riding with my husband who told me just delete her. Thankfully I have a true friend now. She was there for me for my last miscarriage, we went to see the movie the interns, and she told me several times that this girl was a dreadful human being and she would beat her up for me. My husband and I both still feel that she only reconnected for gifting purposes, but like you pointed out, I owe her nothing. If she ever tries to reconcile again, I will do my best to put aside my nice nature and remember that she is so mean.


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## Lisa71

Our kids are adopted internationally and do not overlook domestic adoption or the state. I know families formed all of those ways and lots of cute babies.


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## linzo552

My husband and I have been trying for over a year and seeing a fertility specialist for about 6 months. When I was 18 I found out that i have really bad endometriosis and had to have surgery for it along with a 6 month hormone induced menopause. My husband and i knew we would be in for a struggle because of the endometriosis and decided to start seeing a specialist after 6 months. I knew it would be hard, but i had no idea how draining everything would be. Besides the endometriosis, I also do not ovulate on my own and do not produce hardly any progesterone. This will be our third month on clomid and the side effects are aweful. I think the worst part is that everyone I know has gotten pregnant within 6 months of trying (if not on accident). Its very difficult to find someone to talk to who knows what you are going through


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## Disneylover99

linzo552 said:


> My husband and I have been trying for over a year and seeing a fertility specialist for about 6 months. When I was 18 I found out that i have really bad endometriosis and had to have surgery for it along with a 6 month hormone induced menopause. My husband and i knew we would be in for a struggle because of the endometriosis and decided to start seeing a specialist after 6 months. I knew it would be hard, but i had no idea how draining everything would be. Besides the endometriosis, I also do not ovulate on my own and do not produce hardly any progesterone. This will be our third month on clomid and the side effects are aweful. I think the worst part is that everyone I know has gotten pregnant within 6 months of trying (if not on accident). Its very difficult to find someone to talk to who knows what you are going through



 Thoughts and prayers for you and a bit of pixie dust. Hang in there!


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## DisneyJillian18

Don't give up!
It took my parents 7 years to have me, I hope it brings you the same luck. It will happen if it is meant to, if not adoption is a beautiful process. It may not be the answer everyone wants to here, but you are giving an outstanding life to a child who may have otherwise had a terrible one. Consider your options and pray.
Praying for you to have a child, naturally or through an adoption.


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## Mickey'sApprentice

Do you guys know much about private or agency adoption or foster to adopt?

We are 44 and 48. I don't want to get started on a path that doesn't work out and meanwhile hubby ages out because he turned 50 waiting for something that didn't happen.

We've been considering International...but I am very leery of special needs or dealing with abuse. Help!


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## DisneyFairytale

Lemonademouth said:


> I just noticed your reply, and I'm so sorry you had to go through the insensitivity as well. It's a shame really how people who are so close to you can be so mean. I deleted her from Facebook last Sunday because she posted a picture of Cory Monteith with the caption 'wasn't he a favorite of yours?' Which caused me to flip out while riding with my husband who told me just delete her. Thankfully I have a true friend now. She was there for me for my last miscarriage, we went to see the movie the interns, and she told me several times that this girl was a dreadful human being and she would beat her up for me. My husband and I both still feel that she only reconnected for gifting purposes, but like you pointed out, I owe her nothing. If she ever tries to reconcile again, I will do my best to put aside my nice nature and remember that she is so mean.



People are just sick. How can you do that to a friend? I've seen close friends of mine go through that with a few people that they knew. Human beings are just sick sometimes. You know what Karma will bite her in the ***.


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## JandJ

Mickey'sApprentice said:


> Do you guys know much about private or agency adoption or foster to adopt?
> 
> We are 44 and 48. I don't want to get started on a path that doesn't work out and meanwhile hubby ages out because he turned 50 waiting for something that didn't happen.
> 
> We've been considering International...but I am very leery of special needs or dealing with abuse. Help!



Check out rainbow kids (all one word) dot org  They break down adoptions by country and the qualifications. I know when we were looking at international (the country we were working with closed to US adoptions 2 months before our match was to go through - another heartbreak) we were close to aging out and that was before we both turned 40 so you will want to look at the qualifications very closely.


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## Mickey'sApprentice

JandJ said:


> Check out rainbow kids (all one word) dot org  They break down adoptions by country and the qualifications. I know when we were looking at international (the country we were working with closed to US adoptions 2 months before our match was to go through - another heartbreak) we were close to aging out and that was before we both turned 40 so you will want to look at the qualifications very closely.



I have looked at Rainbow Kids. It looks like Bulgaria is our best bet if we go with International.


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## Robbi

OP, my DSIL couldn't maintain her pregnancies either. A while after she was put on thyroid meds( hers was Armour thyroid), she got pregnant and delivered a beautiful daughter who is now 3 years old.


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## Lemonademouth

I know it has been almost a year since I posted in here and that is because after 8 years and 4 miscarriages we finally have our miracle!  His name is Riley Finn and was born on April 28th. I had deleted dis boards from my phone because it took up so much room, but recently got an iPad with more storage capabilities. The pregnancy was actually really great, which was surprising considering my past issues. He is beautiful and I cannot wait to spoil him with trips to our second home. We are going at the end of next April to celebrate his 1st birthday and I want to get his 1st hair cut at the main st barber!


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## stasijane

Lemonademouth said:


> I know it has been almost a year since I posted in here and that is because after 8 years and 4 miscarriages we finally have our miracle!  His name is Riley Finn and was born on April 28th. I had deleted dis boards from my phone because it took up so much room, but recently got an iPad with more storage capabilities. The pregnancy was actually really great, which was surprising considering my past issues. He is beautiful and I cannot wait to spoil him with trips to our second home. We are going at the end of next April to celebrate his 1st birthday and I want to get his 1st hair cut at the main st barber!



 OMG I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!


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## quandrea

You did it. See I knew you could. Congratulations. I guarantee that you will feel such gratitude every time you look at that sweet boy's face.


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## mommasita

Lemonademouth said:


> I know it has been almost a year since I posted in here and that is because after 8 years and 4 miscarriages we finally have our miracle!  His name is Riley Finn and was born on April 28th. I had deleted dis boards from my phone because it took up so much room, but recently got an iPad with more storage capabilities. The pregnancy was actually really great, which was surprising considering my past issues. He is beautiful and I cannot wait to spoil him with trips to our second home. We are going at the end of next April to celebrate his 1st birthday and I want to get his 1st hair cut at the main st barber!



 What a wonderful update to read!!!!!!! Blessings to you and your family.. I hope to read more from you.


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## ellochka

Lemonademouth said:


> I know it has been almost a year since I posted in here and that is because after 8 years and 4 miscarriages we finally have our miracle!  His name is Riley Finn and was born on April 28th. I had deleted dis boards from my phone because it took up so much room, but recently got an iPad with more storage capabilities. The pregnancy was actually really great, which was surprising considering my past issues. He is beautiful and I cannot wait to spoil him with trips to our second home. We are going at the end of next April to celebrate his 1st birthday and I want to get his 1st hair cut at the main st barber!



Congrats! My little petri dish wonder DD turned 3 on April 30. She was conceived through our first IVF. We had two more IVFs in the past year, and no luck so far (a chemical and a miscarriage). But you know what, life goes on. We are finally taking our little one to see grandmoms this summer , and then we will be doing a lot of princess dining in January . Hoping for a miracle of science with our FET later this year.


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## Lemonademouth

stasijane said:


> OMG I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!


.  Thank you!


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## lisaviolet

The loveliest update ever!   

Very happy for you.  Congratulations to both of you.  Enjoy.


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## Lemonademouth

ellochka said:


> Congrats! My little petri dish wonder DD turned 3 on April 30. She was conceived through our first IVF. We had two more IVFs in the past year, and no luck so far (a chemical and a miscarriage). But you know what, life goes on. We are finally taking our little one to see grandmoms this summer , and then we will be doing a lot of princess dining in January . Hoping for a miracle of science with our FET later this year.



I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Have a fun summer!


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## snowweisz

I never followed this thread but now I just wanna say congrats.
I read the whole thing just now and I'm really, really happy for you and hope you have a lovely, blessed life with your baby


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## Lemonademouth

Happy new year to everyone who has followed us. Riley is going on 9 months old already. I cannot believe it. We are going to be in Disney for his first birthday and I was very fortunate to get him a reservation at Harmony Barber Shop for his first haircut and a dinner reservation for Be Our Guest on his birthday. We also got a reservation for Pirates and Pals fireworks cruise. We are splurging and staying at the Wilderness Lodge!  Always wanted to stay there, but never been able to afford it before because of all the medical costs of trying for a baby. Pretty sure it is going to be the best, if not the most trying trip to date, but I think it will be the best way to celebrate our little miracle!


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## lisaviolet

Lemonademouth said:


> Happy new year to everyone who has followed us. Riley is going on 9 months old already. I cannot believe it. We are going to be in Disney for his first birthday and I was very fortunate to get him a reservation at Harmony Barber Shop for his first haircut and a dinner reservation for Be Our Guest on his birthday. We also got a reservation for Pirates and Pals fireworks cruise. We are splurging and staying at the Wilderness Lodge!  Always wanted to stay there, but never been able to afford it before because of all the medical costs of trying for a baby. Pretty sure it is going to be the best, if not the most trying trip to date, but I think it will be the best way to celebrate our little miracle!



Oh, so lovely.    Have a wonderful time.


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## quandrea

Have a wonderful time. My ds, who was also one of two miracle babies, had his first haircut at Harmony.   So glad all is well.


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## allwritemel

OMG that's wonderful news.  Your story struck a chord with me because I found out when I was 29 that I would never have children.  That hurt because I LOVE children!  If I'd been in a different situation I may have looked at adoption (too old now  ) or surrogacy.  I've handled it the only way I can.  I write for children and work with them on a voluntary basis, just listening to them read as I go blind frequently so I can't work (no clue as to when it will happen).  I recently found out a friend was pregnant - there was a spate of 8 of them and I'm ashamed to say that the one who was closest to me hurt a lot.  I found myself white hot with jealousy ... why now?!  I'm so happy you've succeeded in having your miracle baby!  Congratulations!


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