What would you do in this situation?

[TiggerTrigger]

Wow- just wow!

I'd tell your sister that the offer for the trip has been off the table ever since she destroyed your original trip plans with her ridiculous demands and insensitive way of addressing it all. I know your mom is an adult and some might say she should handle her portion, but it is your mom. I'd call your sister out on it. Guilting/Bullying your mom into covering this is just gross. It's one thing if your mom truly wants to do it, but she shouldn't feel like she has to nor should she cover everything just because your sister needs to get her way.

 

[mom2cinderella]

I also worry that things will quickly spiral out of control, my sister is talking about how "it may not be worth going" if I don't also take her to the Universal Parks (she is a huge HP fan, but in my mind this trip is Disney for her kids, not HP for her!), so there is definitely drama going on. And she's the type who when someone else is paying for meals HAS to order the most expensive thing on the menu. I don't know if this background drama helps at all, but it makes me nervous that we'll go way over 5K knowing my sister.

Your sister is a real gem!

If your mom wants to enable her laziness/greediness that's on your mom.

What happens when Mom can't support them anymore - are they all going to try and leech off you?

 

[mm1971]

Several years ago I posted about how my husband and I were trying to plan a big family trip to Disney World with my parents plus my sisters family. We were going to pay for the entire thing, but people (mainly my sister) kept making insane demands, trying to move dates from value season to high demand peak season, etc. I eventually dropped it, especially as my sister dictated that we buy an $80 birthday cake for her child, when we refused she sent me a very nasty email about how she would never accept anything from us. So I gave up on trying to plan anything with extended family, though I didn't officially say we were backing out of the trip. It hasn't been mentioned in over a year, and I've since gone with my immediate family for the Magic Kingdom and Epcot's Food and Wine Festival.

I've just heard from my mother that my sister has decided the trip we offered before is "back on" and that we'll be taking everyone the week of Thanksgiving. My mother feels obligated to go regardless of if my husband and I go, and if we won't stick to what we originally planned and offered then she feels obligated to "scrounge up" the money to take my sisters family. I'm livid over all of this as 1) my sister hasn't spoken to me in months, 2) it is inappropriate (in my opinion) to dictate a vacation location, dates, and payment terms to anyone.

Personally I feel this is inappropriate and that we will not be taking anyone that week, regardless of what we offered 4 years ago that never came to fruition. Park prices have gone up, room prices have gone up, one of my nephews is now older so there is an extra child to pay for (was under 2 before), it's just not the same, even ignoring the fact that my sister and I have no relationship at this point.

So, what would you do? Is offering a trip years ago that didn't happen an unlimited offering?

No, your offer is not unlimited. 4 Years later sounds a little unrealistic to me. In addition, if you were to pay for a trip, it should be you that decides when and where to go, not your sister. We had the opportunity to go with family and my parents paid for everyone. We went not he dates they chose, stayed where they felt comfortable paying and planned some meals and times with them so they could enjoy Disney with my children. We were allowed to make suggestions and talked about things, but we did not feel like we had any right to demand anything since it was not our checkbook taking the hit.

I would just let your sister ad mom know that you will not be going or paying for a trip at Thanksgiving. If you feel like taking everyone in the future, just let them know the terms and it is a yes or no if they go. Your putting in the effort and giving others a free vacation. I don't see where that entitle them to make demands.

Good luck. We all have them in the family.

 

[SLP958]

I don't understand why there is even a question here. Of coarse you will not be taking your ungrateful sister anywhere.

Ignore the entire thing unless the sister specifically addresses you about it. If she does tell her it's not happening.

It stinks when a nice gesture is ruined by the selfishness of others.

 

[happymommy]

That is simply amazing and awful that your mother would even CONSIDER approaching you with that demand.

First of all, it's pretty much nonsense that anyone would expect you to pay for the trip.

I also would say that (after I've gone a couple of times with my folks and once with them as well as my sister's family of 6), going with extended family to Disney is not as much fun as just going with your immediate family, at all. Plus, that trip, my husband and I paid for all our expenses (room, tickets, pretty much all our meals, our extras) but my folks paid for my sister's two bedroom club level room at AKL, plus their tickets, meals, and souvenirs (basically they charged everything back to their room that my folks covered). I thought my sister took advantage of the situation. It was hard to do rides and such with so many different people wanting to do different things, and I would never ever go with extended family again. I know a lot of folks here like the idea, but many come back realizing it's just not for them.

 

[brockash]

Several years ago I posted about how my husband and I were trying to plan a big family trip to Disney World with my parents plus my sisters family. We were going to pay for the entire thing, but people (mainly my sister) kept making insane demands, trying to move dates from value season to high demand peak season, etc. I eventually dropped it, especially as my sister dictated that we buy an $80 birthday cake for her child, when we refused she sent me a very nasty email about how she would never accept anything from us. So I gave up on trying to plan anything with extended family, though I didn't officially say we were backing out of the trip. It hasn't been mentioned in over a year, and I've since gone with my immediate family for the Magic Kingdom and Epcot's Food and Wine Festival.

I've just heard from my mother that my sister has decided the trip we offered before is "back on" and that we'll be taking everyone the week of Thanksgiving. My mother feels obligated to go regardless of if my husband and I go, and if we won't stick to what we originally planned and offered then she feels obligated to "scrounge up" the money to take my sisters family. I'm livid over all of this as 1) my sister hasn't spoken to me in months, 2) it is inappropriate (in my opinion) to dictate a vacation location, dates, and payment terms to anyone.

Personally I feel this is inappropriate and that we will not be taking anyone that week, regardless of what we offered 4 years ago that never came to fruition. Park prices have gone up, room prices have gone up, one of my nephews is now older so there is an extra child to pay for (was under 2 before), it's just not the same, even ignoring the fact that my sister and I have no relationship at this point.

So, what would you do? Is offering a trip years ago that didn't happen an unlimited offering?

Totally insane. Absolutely no way would I pay for this, especially given all the circumstances. I'd make it very clear to your mom NOW that you won't be paying for it and you won't be going. At that point she can make her own decisions as to what she might want to do if anything.

 

[angelmom27]

No way. Sorry sis but you missed out yrs ago. She needs to grow up. Sounds like she is just trying to find someone to pay for a trip for her family. I dont blame you for cancelling the trip. Some people just get too greedy and cant be happy with what they are given. I would try and convince your mom to not do it. If sis and her family want to go on a trip tell her to start saving and planning for her own trip.

 

[okeydokey]

That's laughable. I can't believe anyone would think this is an appropriate thing to do.

I would tell your sister and Mom that when your sister told you she would never accept anything from you, you believed her, so the trip no longer exists, but they can certainly plan (and pay for) a trip of their own.

 

[hereyago]

Um, I would tell your mom to have fun enabling your sister because it won't be you.

 

[GotLabradors]

Several years ago I posted about how my husband and I were trying to plan a big family trip to Disney World with my parents plus my sisters family. We were going to pay for the entire thing, but people (mainly my sister) kept making insane demands, trying to move dates from value season to high demand peak season, etc. I eventually dropped it, especially as my sister dictated that we buy an $80 birthday cake for her child, when we refused she sent me a very nasty email about how she would never accept anything from us. So I gave up on trying to plan anything with extended family, though I didn't officially say we were backing out of the trip. It hasn't been mentioned in over a year, and I've since gone with my immediate family for the Magic Kingdom and Epcot's Food and Wine Festival.

I've just heard from my mother that my sister has decided the trip we offered before is "back on" and that we'll be taking everyone the week of Thanksgiving. My mother feels obligated to go regardless of if my husband and I go, and if we won't stick to what we originally planned and offered then she feels obligated to "scrounge up" the money to take my sisters family. I'm livid over all of this as 1) my sister hasn't spoken to me in months, 2) it is inappropriate (in my opinion) to dictate a vacation location, dates, and payment terms to anyone.

Personally I feel this is inappropriate and that we will not be taking anyone that week, regardless of what we offered 4 years ago that never came to fruition. Park prices have gone up, room prices have gone up, one of my nephews is now older so there is an extra child to pay for (was under 2 before), it's just not the same, even ignoring the fact that my sister and I have no relationship at this point.

So, what would you do? Is offering a trip years ago that didn't happen an unlimited offering?

I think you're spot on. If my sister was willing to pay for my family and me to go to WDW, I would gratefully go on whatever terms she had. I would let your family know that you are no longer willing to finance a trip for them to WDW.

 

[hereyago]

Oops double post

 

[ConnieB]

You're not responsible for your mom. I would privately talk to her and try to make her see reason.

As for the sister - I would tell her that I heard she was planning a trip and tell her you hope she has fun. If questioned further, I would point out that the family trip was canceled after her behavior made it clear she no longer wanted to go. Leave it at that.

Yep...I'd probably send sister a guidebook with a note that you heard she was going to Disney and hoped she had fun and that the guidebook would help her.

As for mom....well, if you suspect that your sister is manipulating her and basically taking her money, then I would go to the elder abuse authorities in your state (google it as each state has a different agency handling it). Your relationship with sister is already ruined it seems and so you may want to focus on saving your mother's finances so that Mom has enough for the rest of her days.

If you're not comfortable with that, remember that Mom is an adult....and if she's not being abused then she is free to do what she wants with her money....if that includes supporting sister and family and taking them to Disney, then that is her grownup decision to be made. If you don't feel she is making that decision of her own free will....re-read my paragraph just before this one. I know "turning in" your family isn't easy....been there done that, and 2 years later my aunt who was the victim is again a happy lady going places she enjoys and living happily in her own little apartment. Before she was living in her daughter's home in a tiny room and not allowed to go out with friends or leave the room without permission, and was taken out of the house only to go to the bank to cash her SS checks. It messed up family relations, but it is worth it every time my aunt comes over with a jar of preserves or a flat of strawberries or to just regale me with tales of her and my mother growing up.

I wish you peace as you battle with yourself over how to handle this matter. Disney is seriously the least of that battle.

 

[hereyago]

OP has your mom always enabled your sister or is this a fairly new dynamic?

If she helped create this for years, then it is on your mom and she has to deal with it.

I also highly doubt she would cooperate with Adult Services.

 

[hereyago]

Any updates?

 

[ilovemk76]

Several years ago I posted about how my husband and I were trying to plan a big family trip to Disney World with my parents plus my sisters family. We were going to pay for the entire thing, but people (mainly my sister) kept making insane demands, trying to move dates from value season to high demand peak season, etc. I eventually dropped it, especially as my sister dictated that we buy an $80 birthday cake for her child, when we refused she sent me a very nasty email about how she would never accept anything from us. So I gave up on trying to plan anything with extended family, though I didn't officially say we were backing out of the trip. It hasn't been mentioned in over a year, and I've since gone with my immediate family for the Magic Kingdom and Epcot's Food and Wine Festival.

I've just heard from my mother that my sister has decided the trip we offered before is "back on" and that we'll be taking everyone the week of Thanksgiving. My mother feels obligated to go regardless of if my husband and I go, and if we won't stick to what we originally planned and offered then she feels obligated to "scrounge up" the money to take my sisters family. I'm livid over all of this as 1) my sister hasn't spoken to me in months, 2) it is inappropriate (in my opinion) to dictate a vacation location, dates, and payment terms to anyone.

Personally I feel this is inappropriate and that we will not be taking anyone that week, regardless of what we offered 4 years ago that never came to fruition. Park prices have gone up, room prices have gone up, one of my nephews is now older so there is an extra child to pay for (was under 2 before), it's just not the same, even ignoring the fact that my sister and I have no relationship at this point.

So, what would you do? Is offering a trip years ago that didn't happen an unlimited offering?

You are not obligated after the original plans fell through.

 

[DISNEYNV]

Absolutely not! Tell them to have a great trip. That's insane!

Agreed! Let them go and plan your own trip with YOUR family. Your sister is being unreasonable and your whole trip would be miserable if you went with them

 

[Mrs Green]

You are not obligated in any way, I also don't think you should have to talk to your sister. I would just stay out of it. Your mother is a big girl and should tell your sister that she doesn't want to go, or does want to go but isn't paying for everyone.

Kirsten

Yes!

 

[pad406]

Wow, I had to go back and read that a few times. That is nuts I'm sorry.

This

As the old saying goes, "You can pick your friends but you so can't choose your family"

Sorry for your situation, but there is now way on this earth I'd give her a dime towards any holiday and I'd be doing my best to make sure your mother doesn't either. I hope it all works out

 

[MandiC]

I think you need to either send an email or call your sister and tell her you are NOT paying for the trip and you need to talk to her about her treatment of your mom. And if I were you I'd be really tempted to treat your mom to a trip with your family and exclude your sister and her family from it

 

[Goldilocks07]

Several years ago I posted about how my husband and I were trying to plan a big family trip to Disney World with my parents plus my sisters family. We were going to pay for the entire thing, but people (mainly my sister) kept making insane demands, trying to move dates from value season to high demand peak season, etc. I eventually dropped it, especially as my sister dictated that we buy an $80 birthday cake for her child, when we refused she sent me a very nasty email about how she would never accept anything from us. So I gave up on trying to plan anything with extended family, though I didn't officially say we were backing out of the trip. It hasn't been mentioned in over a year, and I've since gone with my immediate family for the Magic Kingdom and Epcot's Food and Wine Festival.

I've just heard from my mother that my sister has decided the trip we offered before is "back on" and that we'll be taking everyone the week of Thanksgiving. My mother feels obligated to go regardless of if my husband and I go, and if we won't stick to what we originally planned and offered then she feels obligated to "scrounge up" the money to take my sisters family. I'm livid over all of this as 1) my sister hasn't spoken to me in months, 2) it is inappropriate (in my opinion) to dictate a vacation location, dates, and payment terms to anyone.

Personally I feel this is inappropriate and that we will not be taking anyone that week, regardless of what we offered 4 years ago that never came to fruition. Park prices have gone up, room prices have gone up, one of my nephews is now older so there is an extra child to pay for (was under 2 before), it's just not the same, even ignoring the fact that my sister and I have no relationship at this point.

So, what would you do? Is offering a trip years ago that didn't happen an unlimited offering?

Wow. I mean. WOW.

You are in NO way obligated to pay for a trip you (very generously) offered 4 years ago and your sister (very rudely) put off and canceled.
So, don't feel bad about that. Being livid is exactly the right feeling that should be running through your veins.

I know your concern is your mother- why on Earth does she feel obligated to pay for her daughter's trip? I don't understand?
Does no one stand up to your sister? Why isn't your mother either: staying out of it, OR telling your sister that if she wants to go then SHE can pay for it herself?




I am really REALLY sorry you are going through this. I have my own family issues and I totally understand the frustration, anger, confusion and torment that persists when dealing with them. I get it.

Hopefully your mom will stand up to your sister- if not, I can totally see them blaming it all on you. (which you are NOT to blame!).

Good luck to you- you are a good person.