VisitingAngels or similar elder support?

[Jewel1310]

My father is 83 and lives 1100 miles from me. my siblings and I try to get down to see him every few months, taking turns. He refuses to move to be closer to any of us and where he lives wouldn't work for any of our jobs.

I would like to work with an organization to have someone stop in at least weekly to check on things and help him if he has difficulties with simple things (beyond a welfare check there are a few other items such as sometimes he struggles opening the right program on his computer or determining if the TV is broken or is there an issue with the cable?)

Does anyone have any experience with programs like Visiting Angels or Caring Senior Services? I am not sure how best to support him?

 

[maxaroni]

No help but (((HUGS)))

My 82 yo dad moved to Florida...alone. He sold his home in NJ and moved in August, having a house built. He is okay right now but we are only children on our side so it’s all on me. DH & I are still working so need to make sure we leave vacation days to go down. DH, DS24 went down a few weeks ago to see the house. We loved it and so happy to see the joy that he has in his eyes as he seems very much at peace with his decision. It is hard on me mentally and emotionally but I wanted him to be happy and he’d have gone, even if I fought him. He knew how I felt but he wanted to go.

With all of that being said, I will be watching him as best as I can from afar by speaking to him regularly. I have also met his one neighbor and we exchanged phone #’s.

 

[Jewel1310]

That would have been so hard, but I agree that you have to respect and support their decisions. I can so related to watching from afar. Wise to exchange numbers with the neighbors.

Thanks for the hugs.

He is a bit of an introvert and has 1 group of friends he sees occasionally but otherwise he is not very social. I want him to live his life, but want to make sure he is safe and has resources.

 

[Marchand63]

We used Visiting Angels, not a big fan. 3 different caregivers none a good fit. I called A Place for Mom, they also do home care. Called they referred 3 different care companies, did interviews. We went a company called Comfort Care. It is all about what you need & the fit.

 

[yoopermom]

Huge amount of hugs to you. My DM67 is married to a man 88 who just came home from hospital (and should have gone to rehab on dr's orders, but was too stubborn to). Even though they *could* have tons of care thanks to his LTC insurance, she's all "everything will be fine". They finally agreed to a 12 hr/day CNA, and I stopped over there to find the CNA watching tv and my mom fixing all three of them lunch while racing around filling her husband's orders .

Old men tend to be stubborn, and may tell anyone you send that everything is "fine", just be forewarned!

I feel for you!

Terri

 

[7165red]

When you hear Visiting Angles commercials they sound so caring. Sorry they didn't work out for you.

 

[Jewel1310]

Marchand63 thanks for the information and another option. Appreciate it.

Terri - Wow, that would have been awful to see happening when the goal was to help your mom! And yes, my dad is very stubborn. Hoping I can work something out to help him.

 

[minniecarousel]

We found an independent in-home caregiver service when my mom needed extra help. She lived in our home but I worked a few hours a day & could no longer leave her alone. We found no this service through an ad in our church bulletin. Since you live far away from him, you could check with his local churches (or his, if he's a church-goer). You just need some referrals & churches might be a resource. Sounds like he would benefit from someone checking in on him. Does he need someone to organize his meds too? That is sometimes confusing for the elderly.

 

[MataHari22]

My father is 83 and lives 1100 miles from me. my siblings and I try to get down to see him every few months, taking turns. He refuses to move to be closer to any of us and where he lives wouldn't work for any of our jobs.

I would like to work with an organization to have someone stop in at least weekly to check on things and help him if he has difficulties with simple things (beyond a welfare check there are a few other items such as sometimes he struggles opening the right program on his computer or determining if the TV is broken or is there an issue with the cable?)

Does anyone have any experience with programs like Visiting Angels or Caring Senior Services? I am not sure how best to support him?

Call the Area Agency On Aging there. I lived with my grandmother up until she died in August, and it was very difficult. She was refusing to shower and eat, and she was way worse with me, than with anyone else. She was nice as pie with other people, but combative with me. We got someone to come in Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, so that she would shower. They helped her with all her heiygene and personal needs. They would also do light cleaning if you wanted them to. I used to have them change her sheets and bedding for me, and vacuum. I am not in the greatest of health and it was really hard for me to do some things for my gram, so this really helped. If needed they could also prepare light meals, too. I would make my grams meals, but my gram would not eat for me. If the woman who came out to help my gram was there and asked my gram to eat, she would do it. Every once in a while, someone from the county would come out and talk to my gram, sort of like an evaluation. There was no charge for any of this.

There are a lot of programs through these offices that he may qualify for.

 

[JaneBanks]

My MIL had someone from Catholic Home Care come in and help with my FIL a few hours a day for years before he passed away. They had gotten so close, they will get together a few times a month.

 

[disykat]

We've had really good luck with Home Instead, but it really depends on your individual franchise. Our caregiver really just does "housekeeping" but it is a lot about checking in on my parents and them (and us!) having a 24 hour number on their fridge to call for help. They have graduated levels of care and the price goes up as it becomes more medical, but we've found it to be very reasonable. Again, that would vary greatly by location.

 

[Maryr1]

I use Home Instead for my 92 yo mom and am very pleased. Same caregiver, (they took the time to find someone who was an excellent fit for my mom), very reliable, super caring and always on top of things. Cant say enough good things about them....

 

[NYCgrrl]

I think you should check what organization, local or national, has the biggest presence in the place your Dad lives in.
For me, God's Love, We Deliver, worked nicely in conjunction with her health care provider, a local community center and the city's transportation system.
Since 2 of her children still live in the same area we were able to fill in the blanks so Mom could continue to live her independent life until 2 years back. She'll be 94 y/o this year, still adjusting to the reality that she can no longer live solo but it was a good run while it lasted.

 

[maxaroni]

That would have been so hard, but I agree that you have to respect and support their decisions. I can so related to watching from afar. Wise to exchange numbers with the neighbors.

Thanks for the hugs.

He is a bit of an introvert and has 1 group of friends he sees occasionally but otherwise he is not very social. I want him to live his life, but want to make sure he is safe and has resources.

My dad is not very social either and tends to be more of a loner. My parents were together since they were 15 and each other’s best friend. My dad will do this thing and talk to people but his closest friends are his boyhood friends. I am glad he has connected with his neighbor to a degree and that we have met. If he and my mom had moved together and gotten established, it would not have been quite as bad. Going alone and at 82, not knowing anyone did me in.

 

[asta]

Can you ask about sitters at assisted living facilities near where he lives? We have sadly just finished with a long distance care arrangement for an elderly relative. He lived independently in an apartment attached to a Brookdale nursing home. He suffered from Alzheimer’s like dementia and needed sitters. We are located a three hour drive away so we could not be there every day. There were sitters working with other elderly residents who Brookdale set us up with. They shopped for him, took him for doctor’s visits occasionally and Helped with meals. Brookdale provided cleaners so they did not do that.

 

[Jewel1310]

Thanks everyone for all the suggestions. I have been on the office of aging's website for the area and looking at agencies they list. They don't have any reviews, but give me some numbers. I hope to make a visit out and while i am there will set up some time to talk to some of the agencies. I will also contact some of the local nursing homes, great suggestions. Appreciate all the replies - thanks!

 

[Marchand63]

Thanks everyone for all the suggestions. I have been on the office of aging's website for the area and looking at agencies they list. They don't have any reviews, but give me some numbers. I hope to make a visit out and while i am there will set up some time to talk to some of the agencies. I will also contact some of the local nursing homes, great suggestions. Appreciate all the replies - thanks!

It is so hard I hope you find the right time.