to take niece or not to take niece, that is the question

[phillmolly]

There are three familes involed here, mine, my brothers and my sisters.

I mentioned a few months ago to my sister that I wanted to take my five year old son to WDW in the spring. I misteakely opened my big mouth and said that we would consider taking her daughter, also five excatly two weeks younger than my son, with us.

My brother and sister in law knew we wanted to go to WDW this spring and they also wanted to go on a vacation/trip. They have two children, a boy, 10 and a girl, 7. We travel often with them, last year we all went on a Disney cruise, and in 2007 my DH and I went to WDW with them. We all travel pretty well together. I love to do all the planning and such and DH and SIL are very easy going and just go with the flow. Sometimes my brother will want to do something different and we work it out.

The trip we now have planned for April is driving from MI to AL (10 hours), for a two night stop to see my MIL, and then driving from AL to Orlando (10 hours) for five days, and then driving home over two days.

If we take my neice we will have to drive two cars, my mini van can barely fit the seven of us and there is no way we could squish in 8.

My brother doesn't mind taking his car and even though it would double our fuel cost, having the extra seats and trunk space would be nice. Plus the 10 year old can drive my DH crazy in about 10 seconds!

The biggest issue of why I am not sure about taking my niece is that she has a hard time spending the night away from her mom, let alone 10! Just last week she was going to spend the night at my SIL and my sister had to pick her up at 1:00 am because she was crying and wouldn't settle down. The last time she tried to spend the night with me I had to drive her home in the middle of the night also. She is one the sweetest, smartest little girls I know, and I love her to death. I know she loves me, and DS is her bestest friend, and she is DS bestest friend. But I worry about her having an awful time and ruining the trip for the rest of us. My sister also has a ton of wierd diet restrictions, like she can't eat yogurt or milk, but she can have sour cream and cheese. It is very confusing to me and I see her at least once a week!

I am hoping that once my sister realizes how long we are going to be gone for she won't want my niece to go. It's tough because she is the only cousin who won't go, but there is no way my sister could go with us also. She needs to work and to be honest, I love my sister, but no way on this earth could I spend ten days on vacation with her!

We talked about maybe my mom coming with us, she lives with my sister and niece. But again I don't really want to travel with my mom, I love her, but I don't see her enjoying any part of the trip.

Any ideas to help my let my sister down gracefully? I know that we will be going back to WDW in the next two to three years and at that point I would be more than happy to take my neice, I just think that at five, she is to young to be away from home for that long.

 

[wishesuponastar]

I would tell your sis that you would love to take niece but she just misses her mom too much at sleep overs and hopefully you can take her when she is older. I hope your sis will be understanding when you tell her.

 

[powellrj]

Just be honest and tell her what you have told us. You worry about her being away from her mom for so long and so far away. She can't go home quickly if she gets homesick in the middle of the night.

I would suggest you either plan a trip where her mom can go too or tell them you are waiting until she is older before you take her.

 

[Chrispygal]

Hmmm....that's a tough one. I would discuss it with your sister openly and honestly. That you would love to take her, but are afraid because she is not good spending the night away from her mom. Maybe you can speak with your niece directly too and let her know if she wants to come with you guys, she's going to have to be ok spending the night away from mom for 10 days. She either will say no way, or will understand what it means. And maybe you can do a night to test run it?

You are good aunt and uncle. Doubling your vacation costs and driving to take your nieces and nephews. I'm impressed!

 

[MSSANDRA]

I would do my best to take her. It sounds like you are an important part of her life and it would be very special to her and your daughter.Five is SUCH a fun age and you never get that age back. Now I would be concerned about the sleeping away from her mom. Neither of my boys would have been ok with that at 5, but many kids are. Does she know about the trip? Hopefully not. I would plan a long week-end at your house to see how it goes before you plan any farther. Try not giving in to her request to go home at 1am and she how she does. Many times after the first night...kids do fine! As far as the van, consider renting a larger van for everyone. Less gas and saves a lot of wear on your own cars. Many people we know always do just that when they travel. As far as the diet, try to really pen your sister down as ask specific question like the reasons for the diet restriction and what effects they might really have and if one mickey bar would really hurt. Now Im an allergy kid mom so I do get it if its a true allergy but those restrictions are very weird,
Good luck.

 

[magicwishes]

I agree with being honest about your concern even though you'd love to take her. I wouldn't take her unless she can successfully complete a test run away from Mom for at least 2-3 nights. If she can't, she's just not ready to be away that long. Once she's older, she can go on a trip with you guys.

 

[okeydokey]

Does the niece have any idea this has been discussed? If not, I would tell my sister that the niece has shown that she dislikes being away from home overnight, so she is too young at this time. In the future, there may be a trip that will work out for her.

 

[SEA333]

I agree with the other posters. My neice is 10 and we always invite her to come to our house for a week or two. We live 5 hours away. She always wants to, but her mother stops her and says that she knows that her DD will miss her too much and want to come home. Although I think SIL put it into neice's head because SHE doesn't want her to come, but the girl always agrees with her mom that she cannot do it.

Your sister may be more understanding than you think. Just talk to her.

 

[phillmolly]

Thanks all for your advice. I really need to talk my sister, and really I think once she realizes that we will be gone for 10 days she is not going to want her to go. Which I totally understand, I have a hard time letting my son spend the night with family for one night, let alone 10! As a matter of fact he has only had three sleepovers so far, and only since this past summer.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Oh man, I was totally on board with taking her as I read your original post. The 2nd car actually sounds like a better deal, and having even #'s of people works great for rides. Even the ages sounded appropriate. But when I got to the homesick part - well, that's a BIG concern. Too bad

 

[DISNEYNV]

I have to agree. A homesick five year old will make the trip a very complicated one. It sounds like it might become too stressful for her and then in return for you. Think of it this way. Do you want to be spending your vacation, that is to be a good time for family and friends trying to comfort a child that just wants to go home. I know my kids are six and nine and would be a mess after a few days without my husband or I being there (even if it was with trusted family members). I remember taking my five year old stepdaughter years ago to Disney. We drove down from PA, but she was missing her mom, it was a long trip and with the heat in August in Florida I wanted to call it quits after a day or two!!!! We took her again a few years later and she had the best time. It all depends on what age and how comfortable they are traveling solo (without mommy and daddy). Sorry, but I would hold off for now on taking her and wait. Best wishes!

 

[phillmolly]

I had a long talk with my sister today, and we decided to try out a two night stay with me and see how she does. Then we will take it from there. My sisters big worry is that this will be nieces only chance to go. I told her that we are planning a cruise next spring and if she is ready for that we would take her then and if that doesn't work out, I am sure we will back to WDW in the next 3 or 4 years. I can tell my sister is really torn, one on hand she wants her daughter to have fun and not feel left out, but on the other hand she knows it is a long trip and and she might (most likely) will get homesick.

 

[squirrel]

Sounds like your family likes Disney and there will be another opportunity when she is older and can handle being away from her mom for at least a few nights.

I was lucky my nieces had no trouble coming with me on my Disney trips. The older one got broken in with a 4 or 5 night trip to DL and then did 14 nights for WDW. The younger one started off with 14 nights at WDW. They only got upset when they talked to my sister on the phone (mostly the younger one). I learned to call in the morning so that they were not so tired and that helped a bit.

 

[DakotaRose]

As a leader, I had a 10 year old Cub Scout get homesick once during camp. Kid cried and howled from midnite until 2 AM. No one in our tenting area slept thru it. He was tired and couldn't be reasoned with or calmed. He just wanted to be home with his mom, and couldn't get control of himself. Nothing we adults could do but sit with him and let him cry himself out.

Tired + strange environment + more than an hour from home + good chance of homesickness = not traveling with me!!

If a crying jag happens, it doesn't just affect you. It will disturb people in the rooms around you, too. Good luck with whatever you decide. Your heart is in the right place.

 

[phillmolly]

My sister talked to my niece about the trip and my niece decided she did not want to go. Which is what I figured would happen, once she (my niece) realized how long ten days was she didn't want to leave her mom for that long.

I told my niece that we would take her when we go in a few years, she said like when I am teenager? I said no, like maybe when you are 8 or 9. The she said, or ten!

Like my son she is a bit of a momma's girl so I think it will be a while before she is ready to go away for such a trip!

 

[Chrispygal]

My sister talked to my niece about the trip and my niece decided she did not want to go. Which is what I figured would happen, once she (my niece) realized how long ten days was she didn't want to leave her mom for that long.

I told my niece that we would take her when we go in a few years, she said like when I am teenager? I said no, like maybe when you are 8 or 9. The she said, or ten!

Like my son she is a bit of a momma's girl so I think it will be a while before she is ready to go away for such a trip!

Lol, too cute! I'm glad it all worked out. Have a great trip!!