Time Limit on Extreme Picky Eating? Does It Ever Go Away?

[gotomu212]

what is this young lady going to do at cocktail parties, while dating, or if she had to entertain clients?

This is a little dramatic. Does anyone keep track of what people eat at cocktail parties? If she’s in settings at work or socially I’d assume she’d order something she would eat whether that’s plain pasta or a little salad. There are scores of people out there that had dietary restrictions and have to modify how they eat at events. I’ve never considered it weird that my diabetic co-worker or co-worker with serious gallbladder issues will order a very plain salad or a plain pasta when we have dinners.

 

[txdisneymama]

I was an extremely picky eater as a child, but overcame it when I went away to college and wanted to fit in. I had never eaten a salad with dressing (I always ate it dry) until I was around 20!! Now, in my 40s, I love almost all foods, and I'm willing to try just about anything. But I still hate basic condiments like mustard, mayo and ketchup. I feel like I'm being punished now because my youngest is SO picky!! I think it's a texture issue with her, though.

 

[jaybirdsmommy]

Not quite to that degree, but I did once attend a wedding where the groom had a grilled cheese sandwich while everyone else was having a fancy dinner! I think whether it passes depends a lot on the reasons. A child with texture issues may be able to make progress, but only so far. A kid who just has bad habits will most likely run into situations that expand his or her tastes. And I definitely think there is a balancing act between encouraging a wide range of foods and making eating an emotional battle.

I remember hating anything with fat when I was little, but mostly outgrew that in time. (I still don't like really "marbled" meat, but I can eat creamy sauces now.)

I remember my niece having a "white phase" for a while - rice, mac 'n cheese, etc. She eventually outgrew that extreme, but she's still not an especially adventurous eater as an adult.

My DS was also quite picky when he was little (nothing touching, nothing mixed together, etc.) and now tries things easily. He definitely still has some things he hates, but he can always find something he likes now. The key for him was trying new things in low-pressure situations (like when we were out to eat) and having friends who were even more picky. - He saw how much it limited them and vowed to expand his own menu.

I think this is definitely true. With my son it was boy scouts and summer camp that helped expand his diet. He could either eat what was served or go hungry all week - there wasn't anything else since they weren't allowed to bring their own snacks. He came back from his first week of camp claiming to love lasagna and chili - things he wouldn't have touched at home. At another camp he ate beans and tortillas all week - he still hates beans but again when faced with an entire week of being hungry he ate them.

His friend that I mentioned in my earlier post lost 10 pounds at the same camp (and he didn't have any extra weight to lose). He chose to go hungry rather than eat what was available. I think this highlights the difference between picky eaters with bad habits (my kid) and those whose issues are much deeper (his friend).

 

[mjkacmom]

Yes, I wondered that too. She has a serious boyfriend and I noticed him encouraging her to eat but she wouldn't. I hope it doesn't affect her health. I really thought she would grow out of it by now.

It's funny how kids eat nowadays. I think back to my parents who grew up in the depression and you ate what was in front of you and were happy to have it. I have two friends who have picky eating husbands, nothing can touch other food, nothing can have multiple ingredients etc. They can't go out to eat or go to friends's houses for dinner. I'm so happy my own husband is happy to eat, or try to eat anything placed before him. But, he grew up very very poor and was grateful for anything they could hunt and eat that day.

My mom grew up poor, and always ate anything and everything. However, her sister has always been a picky eater (just used to choke down food she hated in order to live). I don’t think anything has really changed.

I think some people are born picky, more sensitive to tastes and textures. I only had a couple of picky ones, but their tastes did mature, it helped that I’m an adventurous cook and their siblings were adventurous eaters, so they had multiple exposure to many foods they disliked, and eventually ended up liking them (my family of 7 can eat hundreds of dollars worth of sushi in 1 sitting). Dd17 still doesn’t care for shellfish and ground meat, but still tries every time I serve them.

My niece and nephew went to a food therapist to help with texture issues, which helped. The one thing I feel strongly about is forcing kids to eat food, I will never make it a battle. I will literally eat anything, but I have empathy, and just because something tastes good to me doesn’t mean it tastes good to others. It’s like spicy food, I love it, my kids do too, just because they’ve been exposed to it gradually. I get that some don’t like spicy.

 

[amberpi]

This is a little dramatic. Does anyone keep track of what people eat at cocktail parties? If she’s in settings at work or socially I’d assume she’d order something she would eat whether that’s plain pasta or a little salad. There are scores of people out there that had dietary restrictions and have to modify how they eat at events. I’ve never considered it weird that my diabetic co-worker or co-worker with serious gallbladder issues will order a very plain salad or a plain pasta when we have dinners.

Good points actually. Thanks for pointing that out.

 

[kamik86]

Ah, I'm very new to this parenting game, and my husband and I are terrible tyrants, but we just don't give his small children those kind of choices. Yes, we'll have mac and cheese along with whatever else we're having, but if we're having scallops for dinner, so are the children. At 19 I know it's far too late to enforce such a policy, but seriously, what is this young lady going to do at cocktail parties, while dating, or if she had to entertain clients?

When I was kid this was the policy to an extent... There are some foods I hate and wasn't made to eat same as my siblings. As long as we ate most things. So if I just hated scallops I would be as a small child made something else. Once I was old enough I would be expected to make my own something else from some options I had at home at most times.

ONe story always told in my family is how my father thought me gagging whenever carrots was in my food was solely me being stubborn so he blended them into something and nope I still gagged as soon as I tasted it. (I actually can now eat carrots though)

for me I had issues with some textures issues with food most of which got better but I still do have a few. I still can't eat raw onions (this is another Dad thought was just me being stubborn since I would eat onion rings then we realized even if we sauteed them it was fine... I just can't do them raw).

Now I don't have kids but understand my fathers frustration. My husband is extremely picky and mostly towards extremely processed foods.

 

[amberpi]

When I was kid this was the policy to an extent... There are some foods I hate and wasn't made to eat same as my siblings. As long as we ate most things. So if I just hated scallops I would be as a small child made something else.

Sure; there are some things the kids don't like and have tried multiple times and that's fine - his daughter doesn't care for a lot of meats like pork chops or steak, nbd. We always have 1 "safety net" item with dinner...like potatoes, or fruit salad, but we don't make an entirely different meal and if they haven't tried a food a couple of times, we get them too; which is actually how they now love scallops.

 

[clutter]

This is not snarky at all, I'm legitimately curious...how do you know the texture if you haven't tried a particular food? Or is it more that you know you don't enjoy the texture of ground beef for instance, and then assume you won't like the texture of a sausage patty, which would make sense. I mean, we all have things we don't care for, but I'm on the opposite end of the picky spectrum; if it's weird or I've never had a food item, I want to try it for sure!

It's more of a 'visual' texture thing. Something that looks juicy - like spaghetti with sauce v. something that looks drier - a hamburger bun or a chicken nugget.

My dd began avoiding foods at the finger-food stage. I remember my response to her pediatrician when he gave me that sage piece of advice "she'll eat if she's hungry enough" I asked "how do I make her hungry enough? Do I withhold formula? Does CPS have to come after me for you to understand that there is a problem?" Eventually I figured out it was a color and visual texture thing. For instance, mac n cheese was the right color, but wrong texture.

Honestly, I let it go. Being a single parent, it was not that tough to either make things we both ate, or make something super simple for both of us. Finally, one day she independently decided to try something new - steak. (It was color and texture appropriate for her, but she hadn't eaten it before.) Once she decided she liked it, I built off of it. Suggesting things for her to try that would feel like steak in her mouth - like chicken. Eventually, she started eating more and different things.

I think the main thing with picky eaters is figuring out the reason why. Once I truly got that it was fear on her part, I completely knocked off forcing the issue and just worked with overcoming fear in general. For some kids a control thing. Others its a sensory issue.

Funny story - she once had a friend with parents that bragged about how they just didn't allow their kids to be picky. They "laid down the law." One day their daughter described to me how she craved feeling and tasting new and different things. So while they were patting themselves on the back, as parents of adventurous eaters usually do, it turned out that the child was simply on the other end of the scale and would have been frustrated with a limited diet.

 

[msjprincess]

I wouldn't force my kids to eat everything they are served. I'm in my 50s and not a picky eater at all. However there are some foods that I won't eat. Mushrooms for example. I just can't do it no matter how small.

 

[TavieP]

I have several friends with this strong preference for only eating certain foods - hamburgers, chicken fingers, french fries, noodles, pizza, vanilla ice cream, goldfish crackers - and they're all men, oddly enough, and all over the age of 25. One of them is 71.

It's so hard for me to understand, because I have a very adventurous palate, as does my sister, and our parents gave us a wide and varied spread of foods from a very early age (sushi, babaghanoush, caviar, tagine, etc) so we learned very early to find new tastes and textures exciting and satisfying.

To each their own, I guess.

I do think that someone of a adult age who is only eating a few noodles at a time may want to consider talking to someone about a possible eating disorder, but I'm not a nutritionist or a psychologist and I really don't know when pickiness shades over into "disordered eating" - as long as someone is getting the nourishment they need, I'm thinking it's probably fine?

ETA: I do have a few foods that I don't like and won't eat - one of them is okra, which I tasted for the first time at Port Orleans Resort in 1991. Someone handed me something fried, I bit into it, it was SLIMY AND HORRIBLE, I spit it out, and that's where I learned about okra and that I hate it.

 

[kimblebee]

For me, I know I don’t like the texture of squishy/slimy/jellied/ grainythings. So, cucumber and tomato is out because of the squishiness of the insides. I love ketchup so it’s not a taste thing. I also avoid jello or gummy worms and stuff like that. I don’t have to try an orange to know I won’t like the texture.

I also am a super taster which means things taste very, very different for me. I can’t even eat food seasoned with normal black pepper because it’s too intense for me.

I don’t think my texture is based on childhood, I think it just came around as I got older and could make my own choices on what I ate. Growing up, I always ate what the family meal was, but, my mom did cook meals that she knew we would enjoy and eat without complains. I can probably count on one hand the number of times chicken nuggets were served at our house.

@Hisgirl @amberpi this is in response to you..I forgot to insert the quotes and now I can’t edit them in

 

[ENJDisneyFan]

I wouldn't force my kids to eat everything they are served. I'm in my 50s and not a picky eater at all. However there are some foods that I won't eat. Mushrooms for example. I just can't do it no matter how small.

I don't force my kids to eat everything they are served either. I think every person has likes/dislikes and that's ok. However, I do force my kids to try things at least once. How do you know you dislike it if you haven't tried it?

 

[GreatLakes]

I don't force my kids to eat everything they are served either. I think every person has likes/dislikes and that's ok. However, I do force my kids to try things at least once. How do you know you dislike it if you haven't tried it?

That was always how we were treated as kids and that is what we do with my son. He eats what we eat with very few exceptions and so far (knock on wood) there isn't a single food he has tried that he doesn't like. He was a little reluctant with salmon the first times but has had it a few times since and devours it.

I will say though, the day this kid decides butter is the proper topping for pasta is the day I look in the mirror and acknowledge that I've failed as a parent.

 

[Hisgirl]

I'm concerned about how this might be affecting her physically. She is a growing gal and is getting no exposure to fruits, veggies or much protein. I love her and at this point, no influence from adults is going to have any effect. I just hope she widens her palette a bit.

This has been a very fascinating topic. Did anyone see the documentary from 2010 called Babies? I wonder about youngsters in developing nations where they are limited to few choices.. Are there any picky eaters when all they have is rice or fish or one or two local foods? I have really wondered what she would do if there were no pizza or chicken fingers.

 

[jaybirdsmommy]

I'm concerned about how this might be affecting her physically. She is a growing gal and is getting no exposure to fruits, veggies or much protein. I love her and at this point, no influence from adults is going to have any effect. I just hope she widens her palette a bit.

This has been a very fascinating topic. Did anyone see the documentary from 2010 called Babies? I wonder about youngsters in developing nations where they are limited to few choices.. Are there any picky eaters when all they have is rice or fish or one or two local foods? I have really wondered what she would do if there were no pizza or chicken fingers.

My son's friend is healthy as a horse. His diet for most of his life has consisted of saltine crackers, chocolate chip cookies, candy, peanut butter and jelly, and at various times over the years chicken nuggets, cheese pizza, and baby carrots.

He is normal height, very underweight, and has only missed 2 days of school in 10 years due to illness.

As for developing nations, I don't think they have picky eaters. If all they have access to is one or two foods then that is all they know to eat and they eat it or starve.

 

[snoodledoo]

I’m a picky eater and I’m 42 so no, it probably won’t go away.

I will say, though, that my pickiness is due to taste and texture issues. I’m also not picky to the point I only eat five foods, but I definitely won’t try certain foods.

I'm still picky (though it sounds so much better when I call it "selective") in my 40s also. DS has very similar tendencies (which I seem to have gotten from my father), but DD eats anything, just like DH.

 

[kamik86]

Good points actually. Thanks for pointing that out.

Yeah it isn't cocktail parties since most people eat bits and pieces its more sit down meals with set menus... then people do notice my husbands pickiness.

He will only eat steak well done. Any pink and it wouldn't be touched. Most vegetables he won't eat. The only way pasta is acceptable is with tomato sauce. Any other type of sauce (alfredo, pesto, cold with italian dressing, etc) he won't touch. He will only eat ceaser salad (lettuce cheese and croutons) if there is anythign else in it he won't. No seafood... can't think of what else at the moment. Its annoying when we travel because I"m someone that can literally go to any small local place and I know I can find something I like. Him... not so much.

I stopped calling myself a picky eater when I started being around him alot. Since now no one notices the picky ness that I won't eat mushrooms or onions when raw. Hate broccoli and celery

 

[aprilchem]

Ah, I'm very new to this parenting game, and my husband and I are terrible tyrants, but we just don't give his small children those kind of choices. Yes, we'll have mac and cheese along with whatever else we're having, but if we're having scallops for dinner, so are the children. At 19 I know it's far too late to enforce such a policy, but seriously, what is this young lady going to do at cocktail parties, while dating, or if she had to entertain clients?

This is a judgement that I've faced over and over - I am the mother to three children, all raised in the same "food environment". Two of them are adventurous eaters and will try and eat almost anything. One is a picky eater to the point the OP described above (he eats about 10 total foods right now). I've treated them all exactly the same, catered to none, and don't make a different dinner for anyone at the table.

I've had many pass judgment on me like the judgment you passed above. You don't sit at my table and you aren't there when my son is struggling to get something down that doesn't agree with him. Sensory issues are beyond his control right now, and beyond mine. So please think twice before you judge.

 

[amberpi]

For me, I know I don’t like the texture of squishy/slimy/jellied/ grainythings. So, cucumber and tomato is out because of the squishiness of the insides. I love ketchup so it’s not a taste thing. I also avoid jello or gummy worms and stuff like that. I don’t have to try an orange to know I won’t like the texture.

I also am a super taster which means things taste very, very different for me. I can’t even eat food seasoned with normal black pepper because it’s too intense for me.

This makes "picky eating" make a lot more sense to me. Thanks for the detail. I always thought it was likely due to an aversion to trying new things, this is something different.

 

[amberpi]

This is a judgement that I've faced over and over - I am the mother to three children, all raised in the same "food environment". Two of them are adventurous eaters and will try and eat almost anything. One is a picky eater to the point the OP described above (he eats about 10 total foods right now). I've treated them all exactly the same, catered to none, and don't make a different dinner for anyone at the table.

I've had many pass judgment on me like the judgment you passed above. You don't sit at my table and you aren't there when my son is struggling to get something down that doesn't agree with him. Sensory issues are beyond his control right now, and beyond mine. So please think twice before you judge.

Yep, as I said upthread, I hadn't thought about a lot of these things. Just quite honestly thought it was a lack of exposure, going the easy way, or aversion to new things. I'm happy to learn from and be corrected when my assumptions are too limiting.