Ruined Christmas Surprises

[Iowajes]

I'm going to clarify my wrap an empty box comment (though it's still fine if it doesn't work for your family).
My family does that for teens/kids who got things early in the month; because they expect gifts and often have short memories. It isn't meant to be a gift, but a reminder of "you already got this, that's why there is no present today". It isn't meant to be exciting; it's just a tangible reminder that it is "fair" there is no present under the tree because they already have their present.

We don't do it for adults. Adults can remember "oh yeah, they bought me new tires for my car" or "Yep, no Christmas gift because we got the fancy washing machine"

 

[okeydokey]

I think the problem is less that son won't have a gift to open unless the OP buys more than she was planning, but that her husband either does not listen to her, or completely disregards her wishes. That to me is the big problem.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I think the problem is less that son won't have a gift to open unless the OP buys more than she was planning, but that her husband either does not listen to her, or completely disregards her wishes. That to me is the big problem.

This.

And the only reason I suggested buying the son other, inexpensive necessaries, like deodorant, is because the OP has other, younger children, who might notice the disparity and not fully comprehend the whole "Joey got his phone early and tires for his motorcycle" thing. So, Joey gets toothpaste and Susie gets Uggs or whatever.

 

[ebradley23]

I have things like that shipped to work, no problems then.

This is me. Primarily because it keeps package thefts from happening. It's also a bonus that my son never sees anything before he's supposed to.

 

[Aryn]

I would also be a bit miffed. My kids know they better not open anything that comes, no matter what. It goes back if they snoop, period. Luckily, I have never had to implement the punishment. My husband also knows better than to open anything or tell me not to open something that might be for me. It sounds like your Husband had a mind fart if you will and just forgot that the phone was a present. I have learned to keep mentioning if its important or he will forget. Just today he thought it was our anniversary even though its a week from today. Close enough, I decided to let it go.

 

[Vijoge]

I'm putting more responsibility for this on the OP's DH. They aren't newlyweds. This isn't their first Christmas. He's been around long enough to know not to open anything or give anything away. I really don't think this was just a brain fart.

 

[superme80]

It seems to me to be a case of DH doesn't appreciate surprises. This is just a guess, but he thought that since it was a gift that could be used now, just hand it over. OP sounds like me. I love to find the perfect gift and surprise family with them. Now I have given gifts early, but it was up to me or an agreement with DH and myself. I totally understand your frustration.

 

[aprilchem]

If you have a system that works for your household, that's fine with me. We just don't do that here, in our house. Even if something important-looking arrived for DD21 (currently on a different continent), I would text her and wait for her reply before I opened it. I also don't check my DH's phone, ever, or read his emails, even though we have a shared account.

We are exactly the opposite at my house. I use DH's phone, he uses mine, and neither of us would mind the other looking at our e-mail. He knows all my passwords to everything and I know his. Either one of us opens mail addressed to anybody in the house. We even have the ability to track each other's location on our phones, which a lot of people told me is weird but it's a super-convenient way to know when I need to have dinner on the table so it doesn't get cold!

I think for us, it just comes down to the fact that we don't have anything to hide, so why not? I expect privacy in some areas of my life, but I don't really want any privacy from my DH.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

We are exactly the opposite at my house. I use DH's phone, he uses mine, and neither of us would mind the other looking at our e-mail. He knows all my passwords to everything and I know his. Either one of us opens mail addressed to anybody in the house. We even have the ability to track each other's location on our phones, which a lot of people told me is weird but it's a super-convenient way to know when I need to have dinner on the table so it doesn't get cold!

I think for us, it just comes down to the fact that we don't have anything to hide, so why not? I expect privacy in some areas of my life, but I don't really want any privacy from my DH.

Yeah my husband and I have access to each other phones we use each other's phones too at times like answering the phone if it's from one of our family members or whatnot or if he's driving and needs me to answer a text message and vice versa or if one of our batteries are low we'll use the one person who has more battery left. My comment regardes to cell phones and e-mails for that matter is I have access to it but I'm not going around looking through it just because the e-mail is open or the cell phone is right there just out of respect ya know what I mean? Hopefully that made sense.

As far as the passwords go omg my husband got so tired of me forgetting my passwords to things that we either have them pre-saved through chrome or they are saved in a password protected (which I know the password as I should) OneNote file that contains all the passwords to all the stuff we have passwords for. There are times one of us will ask the other to go to X email account and look up something we aren't hiding the separate email accounts we have the passwords are readily available.

I should have clarified my earlier statement regarding mail. I don't open his mail (of course unless he directly tells me to) aside from utility bills since the utility companies only allow one person on the account we split them up (gas company is under mine, city bill with trash, sewer and water is under his and I think the electric is under his, mortgage bill is under both; we only have 3 actual utility bills come each month due to the City combining the trash, water, and sewer in one).

We don't have the tracking on our phones but I get the reasons you guys have that; you're not spying on each other you're doing it for a practical reason.

 

[CalDisneyMomof2]

I didn't read through the post entirely but funny because I had a similar thing happen. We took pictures over Thanksgiving break with my 8 week old nephew and my kids to give my mom as a surprise gift and DH decided to post some of the photos (just our family ones not including my nephew ) on FB but I'm pretty sure my mom knows now even though he didn't post any with my nephew. He knew it was a surprise. Oh well! He was in the dog house last night but I'm over it now

 

[QueenIsabella]

We are exactly the opposite at my house. I use DH's phone, he uses mine, and neither of us would mind the other looking at our e-mail. He knows all my passwords to everything and I know his. Either one of us opens mail addressed to anybody in the house. We even have the ability to track each other's location on our phones, which a lot of people told me is weird but it's a super-convenient way to know when I need to have dinner on the table so it doesn't get cold!

I think for us, it just comes down to the fact that we don't have anything to hide, so why not? I expect privacy in some areas of my life, but I don't really want any privacy from my DH.

I don't know that it's a matter of having something to hide--we just don't do things the same way in our house. It's kind of funny sometimes, DH will ask me, "Did you see the funny email that Old High School Friend sent me?", and I'll say, "Why would I? It wasn't for me." OTOH, if Dh were to read one of the many emails between me and HS BFF, he'd probably be bored to tears! There's a slight possibility that he might read something less than flattering about himself in one of them, but there's nothing on there that would lead us to divorce court or anything.

Ditto with cellphones--neither of us check each other's regularly, but whoever's driving will pass off their phone to a non-driver if there's a reason for texting. I mentioned DD21 is in another country--she generally has no clue when I might be driving to dance class, cello lesson, whatever (sleeping!). So, I'll pass my phone to one of her siblings to text for me.

I do think it's a little different with opening any type of mail--and that may just be me. DD21 got a package a few weeks ago that's still sitting on her chair in the kitchen. She knows it's here, she knows what it is, she'll open it when she gets home in a couple weeks.

 

[Disneywishes2018]

Op, I'd be pretty annoyed by that. you said multiple times noto to open packages ect, and that was completely ignored. wrapping empty boxes is super weird though. I've never heard of that before.

I don't like people touching my stuff. if I order something, no one but me gets to open it. I don't like my mail opened or phone looked at. nothing to hide, it just really really really really bugs me. My husband on the other hand doesn't care. He tells me all the time to open packages and mail. Boxes I just put on his desk, most mail too. I do rip up junk mail without saying anything though. it's pretty obvious when his very common name is spelled wrong.

 

[SoundofMusic]

My philosophy is that if you snoop, you ruin your Christmas surprises not mine.

That's my philosophy as well. My house is not large enough to hide the gifts away from their snooping. My DD1 already snooped and saw one of her presents and told her dad about it. Her ruined surprise not mine. Your son is old enough. Tell him it's an early christmas gift and move on. No need to buy additional gifts to compensate.

 

[luvsJack]

I would be mad too, OP. Its hard enough to come up with something to give our kids of that age that is "surprising" without someone ruining it when you do come up with something. I don't think I would wrap an empty box. Maybe a few gift cards that don't put you too far over budget but he can use. Like maybe some fast food places (for lunch during the work days) or for the movies and a meal (nothing too expensive) or even Walmart or Target for whatever he might need. And maybe a phone charger or case or screen protector to sort of "remind" him the phone was for Christmas.

 

[jenniy122]

My dad is the most impossible person to buy for. I found the perfect gift for him on QVC a week or so ago. It was to be delievered today. He came home early from work sick today. Instead of being in the generic QVC box it's just in the product box with a huge picture of what it is on the front and he had brought it in the the house by the time I got home. WT^&$ERG@#!!! I mean I get that cutting down on packaging lowers costs and saves the environment, but I recycle anyways. Grr. He's a sneaky snooper already, and I had a stack of boxes stashed to Russian Doll style pack it in, and now it's just like "meh. whatever".

 

[TheRustyScupper]

MrsRustyScupper and myself have a rule:
. . . no packages coming to the house after Halloween get opened, except the addressee
. . . I still know pretty much what I will get, but at least there is SOME surprise to it on Christmas Morning

 

[Aliceacc]

OP, next year, could you change your name on your amazon account to "DON'T OPEN"????

That would be a pretty obvious hint to your family that these are Christmas gifts.

 

[Eureka]

Just posted before I head to work because I am so still so mad. Preface: every year it seems like someone opens a package from the mail or goes snooping for presents. This year I made it VERY clear to everyone not to open any packages and put all packages in my room when they arrive.

Black Friday I saw the Google Pixel phone on sale. DS2 is eligible for an upgrade and has cracks in phone. Talked to dH and we agree to get him this phone FOR CHRISTMAS. I ordered it, followed the tracking but Fed-Ex didn't arrive before I had to take DD to cheer. Called DS3 when he got home from school and he confirmed the package arrived and put it on my bedroom dresser. I asked who the package was from and DS3 says Fed-ex. I say no silly, what company? He says he doesn't know. So I was laughing about that with DH and certain it was the phone. When DH gets home from work he confirms it's DS2 phone. Okay no problem. I am wrapping things as they come in and DS3 already put the phone in my bedroom where DS2 never goes.

I walk in from cheer practice and DS2 is in the kitchen programming the phone!!!!! I was like... how the freak did he get the phone? He says dad gave it to him. I ask my DH and he says "well didn't you order the phone because his phone has cracks in it?" I said YES, but it was suppose to be a CHRISTMAS GIFT which means you DON'T GIVE IT TO HIM UNTIL CHRISTMAS! DH was just like "sorry, I didn't know you didn't want me to give it to him." REALLY, I AM FUMING AT THIS POINT! How many times have I told EVERYONE in this house NOT to open any packages and put them up. Why the heck would I order a phone on Black Friday when I was ordering all the other Christmas presents to give to him right away. DH says, well you said it was on sale, so I thought you ordered it for him because it was on sale, I didn't know you wanted it to be a Christmas present.

So it's hard enough to buy for DS2. I just paid for his motorcycle tow and new tire and told him that was part of his Christmas. He wants motorcycle wind pants I planned on buying but giving to him to use once his bike is repaired because he needs them in the morning as he drives to work at 5AM when it's cold. I had nothing else on my list to give to him!!!! And I am already over budget on presents.

Ugh.... I am still fuming. Why does every year something I order, someone ruins. DH is the worst. I can be talking to him about a birthday surprise gift for my daughter and said I am thinking about getting "A" or "B", which one do you think I should get. He answers but later that night driving to cheer he asks her "mom was looking at A or B, which one do you want?" She comes home and says she prefers "A". I was so mad because I wanted to surprise her, not give her a choice. He was like "oh I didn't know" then too.

I swear at this freaking point I need a PO Box and storage container and to just not involve DH at all.

Off to work.

I'm sorrry that happened. How frustrating. Luckily my DH leaves all packages for me, even regular mail that he could just as well open himself!

 

[WDWNY]

I mail my presents to my aunts house who lives near by so no one can see the packages.

 

[Tattylou]

Ruined surprises stink....that being said in this case, I'm in the camp that you can tell him that was one of his big presents and he got it early. I don't think you now need to replace it with another big present. If he was a believing in Santa age kid I might feel differently, but for a young adult (he does drive so he's at least 16) I think he'd understand. I work with teenagers and half of them already have their presents early bc they knew what they were or needed them now and they seem ok with knowing there won't be any big extras under the tree bc they already have them.
My boys are 6 and 8 so DH and I work together to hide boxes before they are seen. I know it is harder as they get older or if ppl in your house don't get it.