Please Help!!!! To go with family or not

[DiamondDiva305]

Hey everyone I need some advise. My daughters 2nd birthday is next week, we had made a decision in december to go with our families (DH and I cousins and their kids) it would be a total of about 20 of us. We told all the parents since it was our daughters birthday we would pay for half of the vacation home rental and tickets for the kids only, we stay in florida and the $99 tickets works great for us. So a few weeks ago we had to change the dates because some of the families said their refund check would not be here in time for them to go. And With the new dates other families can't go because of work and school which is understandable. So in order to accommodate everyone we pushed it back to the 16 of march and now the prices for the houses has gone up because of spring break and it will cost to much to stay on site. Its just so frustrating!!!!!! So my question is this should I just pay extra for the house and stick to the 16th or should i just cancel the whole trip and just go with DH, DD, and I and stay onsite. My mom is not attending because of personal reasons and she says that if I go with just DH,DD, and I that would be selfish...PLEASE HELP what should i do???

 

[100AcreWood]

Oh I say be selfish! You aren't responsible for all those people. It's your celebration, your trip. You guys should definitely do what you want. If you want the family to go, pick a date (not during Spring Break) and rent the house. If they can make it great, and if not who cares! They'll get over it.

I've struggled with organizing Disney trips with just two grandparents and it was a pain.

Good luck and don't let anyone make you feel like you have to make them happy. Totally unfair!

 

[saffsmom]

i see two options here...
#1. stick with the (already revised) date of the 16th BUT you only pay half of the ORIGINAL price for the house ....any increase in cost should be covered by the others

#2. cancel and make your own plans

i don't think #2 is selfish....or at least not any more selfish than the other families expecting plans to be changed to accomodate them


i gave up trying to make plans to include my inlaws...craziness.
finally i just booked our trip (onsite), gave them the info and said they are more than welcome to join us

 

[SFreelove]

You would not be selfish to cancel and book a trip around your own little family. It sounds to me like its just more stress than enjoyment now, and your the only one losing out money when you had to change things because of the other people to begin with. Aside that, you shouldn't have to pay for anyone other than you, your spouse and your child, disney can get expensive. Your gesture was more than wonderful but honestly, you, your spouse and child should be booking your trip and stay onsite to enjoy all disney has to offer and than let everyone else know details and are welcome to join and the ones that can are more than welcome and the ones that can will have to save up and try again another time. It is your daughters birthday but that doesn't mean you have to pay for people, if anything maybe just be paying for a meal for the kids on her birthday and one day park tickets on her birhtday but that would be to the extent, IF that.. that I would be paying. It shouldnt fall on your lap. Enjoy your trip and focus on your own child and let the ones who can still join, join you.

 

[lsulindy]

If other people can't afford to go on the date you originally planned, that is their problem and not yours. Not selfish. It's so hard when you try to make everyone happy because it's impossible and a never ending cycle.

 

[DiamondDiva305]

Oh I say be selfish! You aren't responsible for all those people. It's your celebration, your trip. You guys should definitely do what you want. If you want the family to go, pick a date (not during Spring Break) and rent the house. If they can make it great, and if not who cares! They'll get over it.

I've struggled with organizing Disney trips with just two grandparents and it was a pain.

Good luck and don't let anyone make you feel like you have to make them happy. Totally unfair!

This whole thing is just so stressful and this person don't want to be in a room next to that and they want to only eat outside of disney cause they are on a budget. DH is at the edge now and he said he is going to call everyone tonight and cancel the trip or just stay onsite and everyone else can stay where ever and he's not paying for it.

i see two options here...
#1. stick with the (already revised) date of the 16th BUT you only pay half of the ORIGINAL price for the house ....any increase in cost should be covered by the others

#2. cancel and make your own plans

i don't think #2 is selfish....or at least not any more selfish than the other families expecting plans to be changed to accomodate them


i gave up trying to make plans to include my inlaws...craziness.
finally i just booked our trip (onsite), gave them the info and said they are more than welcome to join us

Yes at first i kind of agreed with my mom but we just came from disney in september with the same group and it was also a childs birthday trip and everyone paid for themselves. And the price for the house is cheaper from when we went before but ppl find ways to complain its disney ppl

You would not be selfish to cancel and book a trip around your own little family. It sounds to me like its just more stress than enjoyment now, and your the only one losing out money when you had to change things because of the other people to begin with. Aside that, you shouldn't have to pay for anyone other than you, your spouse and your child, disney can get expensive. Your gesture was more than wonderful but honestly, you, your spouse and child should be booking your trip and stay onsite to enjoy all disney has to offer and than let everyone else know details and are welcome to join and the ones that can are more than welcome and the ones that can will have to save up and try again another time. It is your daughters birthday but that doesn't mean you have to pay for people, if anything maybe just be paying for a meal for the kids on her birthday and one day park tickets on her birhtday but that would be to the extent, IF that.. that I would be paying. It shouldnt fall on your lap. Enjoy your trip and focus on your own child and let the ones who can still join, join you.

Yes it would be a whole lot cheaper if me and my family just went and we could pick whatever hotel we want onsite and not worry about drama at the happiest place on earth to me its just a waste of time. My DH is the tough one he will say peace out in a heart beat to avoid any drama and since its taking attention from our daughter he has had enough and is telling everyone the trip is canceled tonight.

 

[DiamondDiva305]

If other people can't afford to go on the date you originally planned, that is their problem and not yours. Not selfish. It's so hard when you try to make everyone happy because it's impossible and a never ending cycle.

So true i will never travel in a group this large to disney if i do i will be staying onsite and meeting up with them here and there

 

[janieenrose]

Don't feel like you are being selfish; it was not you who originally altered the plan. Besides, moms always play the guilt card - they (we) have too! it shows "mom" isn't taking sides. I have felt your pain. We had a similar family issue with taking my nephew with us during the summer break (which almost doubled the cost if you could believe it) or going over spring break and not taking him (his spring break is different than my sons'). After much debate, we decided to stick to our original plan and go over spring break. (We never told the nephew about the situation; he only knew that we were thinking of going to Disney World this year) Initially, I felt a bit bad about it. However, sometimes you have to just deal with only those things that are under your control - and that is planning for your immediate family. Good luck

 

[TinaLala]

BE SELFISH! Hello you opened it up to all of them to go and you've been kind enough to adjust your dates to accomodate them over and over again. Your DD is 2 - there will be many other times to go again. Honestly she's not going to remember.

Go just the three of you and enjoy the moment with her. Plus going with a toddler is a new experience so stay on site and take advantage of being able to back to your room for her to nap, which might be an issue with family. Family can go another time.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I say since you offered to pay 1/2 the price of the house, pay it regardless of the date you go even if it means paying more. Remember, everyone else will have to chip in more too.

NOW, having said that, if you feel the higher price resulting from the new date takes you over budget, put your foot down on the date & stick to the original timeframe when it was cheaper. And whoever can make it can make it, and whoever can't can't. With that many people, odds of everyone being able to coordinate ONE timeframe are slim anyway.

 

[kathie859]

I say since you offered to pay 1/2 the price of the house, pay it regardless of the date you go even if it means paying more. Remember, everyone else will have to chip in more too.

NOW, having said that, if you feel the higher price resulting from the new date takes you over budget, put your foot down on the date & stick to the original timeframe when it was cheaper. And whoever can make it can make it, and whoever can't can't. With that many people, odds of everyone being able to coordinate ONE timeframe are slim anyway.

This!!! Since you offered to pay half and to pay for the children's tickets, you should do it. Your mistake was changing the dates. I wouldn't change them again. If people can't go--well, too bad

 

[qder123]

Just got to enjoy yourself. I'd probably be selfish but good luck with what ever you choose!

 

[Nicolepa]

I would just go with your family. We used to try to accomodate DH's family, but every time it was a nightmare. After our last trip I told DH never again (which he says every time) and if he told them yes, then I would spend the day at the spa, ALONE.

You have been more than accomodating. It is not selfish of you to go with just your husband and daughter. That is what getting married is all about, cutting the apron strings.

 

[North of Mouse]

I would just go with your family. We used to try to accomodate DH's family, but every time it was a nightmare. After our last trip I told DH never again (which he says every time) and if he told them yes, then I would spend the day at the spa, ALONE.

You have been more than accomodating. It is not selfish of you to go with just your husband and daughter. That is what getting married is all about, cutting the apron strings.

I agree - go and enjoy yourselves. You're not the ones that started the changing things around. How in the world can anyone think they can please and accomodate that many people for one time period in advance is something I'll never understand. I'm with your husband, cancel and then go on your own. Them adding costs to the whole thing for you is just plain wrong. Now, you have learned your lesson that it's better to keep things small. I value our family vacation at Disney and would never go in a group - have seen the result of that too many times - even standing in the middle of MS arguing about what we're doing next, where does everyone want to eat, etc. Enjoy your family time

 

[smitch425]

This whole thing is just so stressful and this person don't want to be in a room next to that and they want to only eat outside of disney cause they are on a budget. DH is at the edge now and he said he is going to call everyone tonight and cancel the trip or just stay onsite and everyone else can stay where ever and he's not paying for it.



Yes at first i kind of agreed with my mom but we just came from disney in september with the same group and it was also a childs birthday trip and everyone paid for themselves. And the price for the house is cheaper from when we went before but ppl find ways to complain its disney ppl



Yes it would be a whole lot cheaper if me and my family just went and we could pick whatever hotel we want onsite and not worry about drama at the happiest place on earth to me its just a waste of time. My DH is the tough one he will say peace out in a heart beat to avoid any drama and since its taking attention from our daughter he has had enough and is telling everyone the trip is canceled tonight.

how did everyone take the news?

 

[rachelburks]

I think that is much too large a group to coordinate. I had a hard enough time planning a beach trip with just my parents (never doing that again, btw). I can't imagine keeping 20 people happy! I think you should just focus on your daughter and do what makes her happy. Hopefully your family will understand.

 

[nmb1dsnefan]

I dont think your being selfish at all. I think they are being selfish. They knew when you were planning to go. They were counting on money they werent even sure they were going to get. If they wanted to go so badly they would have saved the money they needed to get there. Selfish is saying to someone "we dont have our tax returns, so lets go later in the year when it will cost you way more." " Oh, and I still expect you to pay half". Who does that?

 

[DiamondDiva305]

Thanks everyone for all the feed back we have decided to have everyone stay where ever they please (we will not be paying for that) but we will still purchase tickets for the kids a lot of ppl were up set but at this point i don't care. Since certain ppl had issues with having a room next to this person this will eliminate the drama. So far everyone is ok with this except one family who said staying onsite was way too much so i found a hotel for them which they seem to be ok with. Most families will be staying onsite and I will make a packet of what we will be doing each day and where we will meet. I will never plan a group trip again its just to much ppl to please... I booked our room today at AKL villas

 

[bringmethathorizon]

dont tell anyone no way shape form or fashion.
when you invite other people you get their opinions.
dont let everyone else mess up your dd birthday trip.
this is experience talking.

 

[MrsH42608]

I do not envy your problem. We are constantly dealingwith this type of thing. DH and I are DVC members and are ALWAYS the ones expected to plan everything for both sides of our family even when it doesn't have to do with travel- I mean visits, holidays, birthdays etc.
This year is our 1st with kids of our own & we have twins so we already have enough on our plate. This is how we've decided to handle our travel plans from here on out:
We decide what/when/where is best for OUR family. Then we tell whoever we are inviting what the plans are & what we are paying for. If they can come based on what we're offering, great. If not then maybe next time. I think its the only way. Like pp said, you're never going to be able to make everyone happy. Its very generous of you to include 20 people & they should be grateful that you thought of them to begin with.
I hope it all works out with as little amount of stress as possibe & you have a wonderful, magical vacation!