New puppy not warming to DH

[terribm]

We adopted a new puppy from a local rescue group a little over a week ago. She is doing great and is a really great dog. She is about 4 months and since she came from a foster home, is ahead of the game with her house training and manners. She instantly bonded to me and she loves DS-11 and DD-10. The problem is she seems to get really anxious around DH. She even growls and barks at him. She has this flight response with him and tries to just get away from him as quickly as she can.

When they came for the home visit, I noticed her reaction to him and asked if she had been around men before. The foster mom had a bf that was over quite a bit and she adored him. She was never abused as she was in foster care since she was 2 weeks old.

My DH is the calmest most laid back person in the house so it is quite puzzling as to why she would react to him this way. He picked her out of all the rescues we looked at and he picked her name so he is bummed that she will have nothing to do with him.

We have an in home trainer that will come to work with her and us. I hope this fixes the problem.

I'm just hoping someone can tell me this is fixable and will get better

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I got my puppy when she was 8 weeks old and she loved my DH and I. A month later my DH had to leave for almost 2 months and when he came back she was afraid of him and didn't want anything to do with him. I assumed she really bonded with me because I was the only one that had to house train, feed, play, etc with her. What we did was I cut back on doing everything with her and she had to begin to rely on my DH for everything and that is when she pulled out of it. It didn't take her long to warm back up to DH and now she chooses him over me at times!

 

[It'sWDW4me]

So sorry to hear of your new pup's anxiety. Is DH really tall? Does he have a loud or very deep voice? I imagine these would be scary to a little pup.

But don't worry. She's still very young so I'm sure it's not too entrenched and that there's lots of time to ease her anxiety level. The trainer will know all kinds of things for DH to do (sit/lay down on the floor so that he's not so tall to her; give her treats whenever she comes a little closer to him; play with her and her favorite toy; etc) to let your pup know that she's safe with him.

It'll take a little more effort for DH at first but I'm sure she'll warm up to him in no time. I applaud you in finding an in-home trainer - this will make things smoother and faster! Keep us posted on the progress.

 

[jenm2878]

We had the same problem. When I brought my dog home (also at 4 mths) she would even go as far as hide behind me to get away from DH. What we did to solve it is have DH do as much as possible with her so she learned to trust him. He would take her for walks alone, give her at least one of her feedings, and we would take turns taking her outside. We tried to do as much as possible 50/50 so that she would learn to trust us both.

It took a little time, but now she thinks the sun rises and sets on DH. She's been really attentive to me since I've been pregnant, but for the most part I'm chopped liver!

It'll get better, just get DH more involved and give it some time. Have him take the pup for walks alone or spend some time playing when it's just him and the pup.

 

[mjkacmom]

Our dog is the same way with teenaged boys. We also got her at four months, and she was fine with ds. However, she'd growl and bark at his friends, and dd15's bf (not with aggression, but with fear). We'd pair her one on one with each boy, and she's come around quickly. She now loves dd's bf, and is much better with ds's friends. I'd give the boys a treat, and have them give it to her, and scratch her, and she would be wagging her tail in a minute. She also LOVES her walks, so I'd have the boys walk her, and she would really warm up.

 

[Muushka]

While not quite the same, my cat was fearful of anyone but me (she was feral).

I trained her to love my husband as much as me (which really irritates me, kidding).

I would pick her up, she loves to be patted on the head. I wouldn't pat her but I would go over to where my husband was and he would pat her. Eventually she learned that he could do it too. It took several months, but it was worth it.

 

[BCV513]

Just give her more time. My dog was 12 weeks old when we got her from a rescue group. She didn't bond to anyone right away. And I noticed that she slept VERY lightly. She almost slept sitting up and if you walked by her she would jump into a standing position. It was sad. She also wouldn't let us pet her on her head at all.

Now, we've had her for three years. She sleeps totally upside down, on her back, with all four paws sticking straight up into the air. She has to have both of us in her sight at all times. And I can literally pick her up from the couch sound asleep and carry her to bed without her even moving.

 

[Sunnyt154]

I agree with PP's. Just give it some time. Let DH do all the feeding, treat giving and anything the dog likes or enjoys. Don't give up. Rescue dogs just need extra love and time.

One of our dogs was adopted from an animal rescue. We only know that she came from a hoarding situation where all the dogs except 2 had to be euthanized due to sickness or aggression. Initially, she was terrified of my DH and any new visitors. If DH wore a hat she would nearly have a panic attack, bark, growl and try to run.

We have had her 6 years now and has none of these behaviors. She even likes strangers. She is such a wonderful dog and I am so thankful for the time we spent with her.

 

[njmom47]

Wellll....maybe not all stories end so well. A friend of mine adopted Alice (from a rescue who had been fostered as well) and she only took a liking to my friend and her dd. Her ds and dh were not liked by Alice at all, nor were strangers. She would growl and nip and had even bit a couple times. They also had a trainer come to the house. They ended up giving her back, and my friend was heartbroken. I want to say she was a Maltese (little white fluffly dog..she was really cute).

 

[Jill in Chicago]

Have you tried having DH the only one who feeds her/puts out her food.... Or have him be the only one who walks her for a week...., something to show that he's important to her well being?

 

[Pea-n-Me]

There could be something about your DH that she is unfamiliar with, i.e. was never exposed to before.

I agree with him becoming more involved in the care of the dog as pp's have mentioned, however I also want to warn you and your kids NOT TO CODDLE the dog when she's acting fearful of your husband. This will reinforce to the dog that there is something to be afraid of, and it can increase the behavior. So in other words, when the dog reacts, do not pat her at that moment or try to "shield" her from your husband, etc, as can be instinctual for humans to do. Just go about your business as if nothing is wrong. This will be an important concept if you are to have success here.

Good luck.

 

[clh2]

I've been on both sides of this. Our first dog was a momma's boy. He loved DH and DD too, but all-in-all - he simply was a momma's boy.

Our 2nd dog is a 6-year old yellow lab. She is a daddy's girl. Our 18 YO DD is 2nd favorite. I'm in 3rd place. She still likes me just fine...but she is a daddy's girl. (Luckily this week - DH is out of town - so Katy and I are bonding

My best advice - have your husband spend 1-on-1 time with your new dog! Literally - you need to get out of the house - i.e. the library, shopping, a movie etc.

 

[cornflake]

Does your husband happen to have a beard, moustache, glasses?

Any of those may associate with someone who did bad things.

If not that, I'd suggest just have him be the one to feed the pup, give out treats, be laid back and let her warm up. She will, especially when she sees the kids and you that she trusts and loves already sitting with him, playing with him (if the kids sit on the floor and play with him not too rowdily that might entice her too - at least I'd bet she'll watch and think about it).

 

[cornflake]

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[cornflake]

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[terribm]

Does your husband happen to have a beard, moustache, glasses?

Any of those may associate with someone who did bad things.

If not that, I'd suggest just have him be the one to feed the pup, give out treats, be laid back and let her warm up. She will, especially when she sees the kids and you that she trusts and loves already sitting with him, playing with him (if the kids sit on the floor and play with him not too rowdily that might entice her too - at least I'd bet she'll watch and think about it).

No, no facial hair or glasses. No idea what kind of vibe he's giving off but I do think she is becoming more at ease as time passes. One weird thing is she won't even take a treat from him even if it is table food. Really not trusting him yet. Thankfully she is not aggresive at all just submissive and anxious.

thanks for all the great advice and encouragement. She really is a great girl and I have hopes that she will become more settled in with love and training.

 

[elizke]

I assume that most dogs will come around, but I have to say I pounced on this thread hoping for another answer as we have a similar issue and no matter what we try, it does not get better.

Two and a half years ago we adopted a puppy mill rescue dog, a 6 month old Brussels Griffon. He is so sweet and really is perfect. He's nervous in general, but loves me, DD13, and DH. But from the first week, he has been petrified of DS15. All I can think is that he got the wrong idea that first day when DS, then 13, and our existing dog Boo were playing, and Boo was barking at him, as she always does while they play, and Mojo, the new dog, got the wrong idea. DS has never done anything mean or harsh to Mojo, I promise. It started that first day and has not gotten better no matter what we do. He growls and barks at him every time DS is near, and runs away in fear if DS tries to approach.

He was a very damaged dog already at 6 months. He was sick, and near death really. He could not jump or walk up or down stairs, and would not eat or even move when he first got here. He has recovered in every way except for alittle nervousness with strangers, but boy or girl he will warm to anyone. It's just the DS issue.

We've tried DS being the only one who feeds him, the only one to give him frequent treats (for which DS has to lie down on the floor with arm fully extended, and Mojo very nervously sneaks to the hand and away a few times before he'll take it and run away). We've had him on the leash numerous times and forced him to sit right by me and let DS pet him gently. And we've also had to resort to me spraying him with water to stop the barking, which is just endless when DS is in the room. It only works in the moment and only very temporarily.

I am at the end of my rope! I feel very sorry for Mojo, and how damaged he was to have such an issue, but the reason we get dogs is for the kids, and it's so very sad too for DS who loves dogs and has to live with one who barks at him constantly. I am not sure what else a trainer would do beyond what we've already tired, but if you think there would be progress with hiring one, I will. (Where do you get one anyway?) We do not consider getting rid of him ever, we love him, but I am so frustrated with the constant barking and very sad for DS!!

I should probably post this on a dog forum somewhere, but I don't belong to one. I am hoping maybe someone else has experience with a case this severe that was resolved! Thanks for posting OP.

 

[Antonia]

I took in a stray poodle once. That dog loved me. He would have walked through fire with me. I did not ever have to leash him. It was like there was an invisible leash between us. I used to sing "me and my shadow..." I had that dog for over ten years. However, he never really outgrew looking at my DH out of the corner of his eye as he passed DH's recliner. If DH sneezed or wiggled in the recliner the little dog would give a little bark at him and run down the hall to our bedroom He always slept under our bed on my side of the bed. I loved him and DH tolerated him. He actually had no ill will toward the dog and I usedto joke to DH that apparently the dog knew more about him than I did.
I seriusly always thought that the reason the dog did not care for DH was that the dog considered he and I to be in a relationship and that there was no room in our relationship for DH!

 

[yoopermom]

Elizke,
Caesar Milan would say that we shouldn't use our dog's earlier(bad) experiences to excuse his current (poor) behavior. Dogs live in the moment, and your dog CAN learn to tolerate your son (if never truly like him). The water squirt idea is a good one (similar to Caesar's "flick" and grunt that he gets them to "break" them out of that state they get in). Please consider finding an animal behaviorist in your area to come into your home and work with you. We have a Boston Terrier who was also a puppymill mess, and had to do that, despite my background with dogs. Sounds like you're doing all the right things, but sometimes an expert is needed.

Terri

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I assume that most dogs will come around, but I have to say I pounced on this thread hoping for another answer as we have a similar issue and no matter what we try, it does not get better.

Two and a half years ago we adopted a puppy mill rescue dog, a 6 month old Brussels Griffon. He is so sweet and really is perfect. He's nervous in general, but loves me, DD13, and DH. But from the first week, he has been petrified of DS15. All I can think is that he got the wrong idea that first day when DS, then 13, and our existing dog Boo were playing, and Boo was barking at him, as she always does while they play, and Mojo, the new dog, got the wrong idea. DS has never done anything mean or harsh to Mojo, I promise. It started that first day and has not gotten better no matter what we do. He growls and barks at him every time DS is near, and runs away in fear if DS tries to approach.

He was a very damaged dog already at 6 months. He was sick, and near death really. He could not jump or walk up or down stairs, and would not eat or even move when he first got here. He has recovered in every way except for alittle nervousness with strangers, but boy or girl he will warm to anyone. It's just the DS issue.

We've tried DS being the only one who feeds him, the only one to give him frequent treats (for which DS has to lie down on the floor with arm fully extended, and Mojo very nervously sneaks to the hand and away a few times before he'll take it and run away). We've had him on the leash numerous times and forced him to sit right by me and let DS pet him gently. And we've also had to resort to me spraying him with water to stop the barking, which is just endless when DS is in the room. It only works in the moment and only very temporarily.

I am at the end of my rope! I feel very sorry for Mojo, and how damaged he was to have such an issue, but the reason we get dogs is for the kids, and it's so very sad too for DS who loves dogs and has to live with one who barks at him constantly. I am not sure what else a trainer would do beyond what we've already tired, but if you think there would be progress with hiring one, I will. (Where do you get one anyway?) We do not consider getting rid of him ever, we love him, but I am so frustrated with the constant barking and very sad for DS!!

I should probably post this on a dog forum somewhere, but I don't belong to one. I am hoping maybe someone else has experience with a case this severe that was resolved! Thanks for posting OP.

I agree with yoopermom about dogs living in the here and now. I think your dog's history is pertinent here, but you need to be careful that you don't use it as an excuse for his behavior to continue as opposed continuing to work to find a solution. (And bless you for taking him in!)

What you are describing in the dog world is called a Reaction; stated another way, your dog is Reactive. Living with a reactive dog can be challenging. Its important for you to know that dogs who were not abused or neglected can become reactive, too - often after an seemingly innocuous incident that somehow becomes "traumatic" to the dog (who knows how dogs "think" sometimes). My dog is a reactive dog and I can assure you she was never abused or neglected. She reacts to other dogs. We think we can trace it back to an incident that occurred in her first days with us as well and I think you may have your incident too (dog barking at D15). This traumatic incident can lead to it developing a reactive type personality, even if only in specific circumstances, such as yours. In our case DH took our dog, who was not reactive to other dogs previously, over to "meet" our neighbors' two dogs. When they got to the fence the two dogs suddenly both went nuts, barking ferociously and lunging at our puppy - who was so scared she peed all over DH. We didn't think a whole lot about it at the time, but realized in retrospect this was when she began to become fearful of other dogs.

We obviously did train and socialize her at max, but it became something deeply ingrained and we've spent years trying to undo the damage that that one incident caused. Unless you've lived with a reactive dog, it's hard to understand how difficult it can be. There are times now that one might not realize my dog is reactive because we know what her triggers are and we work to avoid them and distract her if we are in a situation where she's likely to react. The good news for her is that it truly is a "reaction" in that it's just in the first minute or two that she's reactive; if given time to get to know the other dog (most dogs, i.e ones that are not "wild" as she views them), usually by walking as part of a pack with the other dog, she's then completely fine and can hang out with the dog, no problem. She also has a handful of doggie "friends" that she sees regularly and loves (though we recognize she's never going to be a dog that enjoys running around a dog park, for instance; she much prefers people to dogs. At some point with special dogs, you do need to take their needs into consideration even if it's a disapointment, however it doesn't mean you have to live with an ill behaved dog necessarily, IYKWIM).

Besides my "regular" trainer and group classes (where my sly dog never reacted ), I went to a trainer for "special" dogs who helped me learn that keeping her focused on me in a reactive situation is the way to work with the dog long term. So yes, I do think a *really good* trainer or behaviorist who has experience with reactive dogs can help you. You can find one generally associated with a veterinary school or veterinary medical center. Don't settle for less than the best, as unless you get someone who has experience with this, you can make it worse.

You don't have to answer cause I know people get defensive with this and I undersstand life gets crazy for working families, but it's something to really be honest with yourself about: does your dog get enough exercise regularly? I mean hard, working dog exercise. I had to look uo Brussels Griffon as it's a dog I'm not familiar with. The AKC breed standard states the dog needs daily walks. Almost every dog needs daily walks and/or hard exercise to get out that pent up energy they all have sitting around the house. This is part one to solving your problem (and I do think it can be solved).

Now, if it were MY dog When DS15 comes home from school every day (or another, more convenient time), he'd be taking Mojo out for a long walk, play session or even roller blading around the neigbhorhood (as my teens do with our dog). It would be bonding time for them and the dog would not only become used to it, but will begin to look forward to it. I know you said you've tried having him be the one to feed him, but I get the sense from your post that you haven't done it with the intensity and committment that it really requires if you are to have success. DS15 needs to do EVERYTHING for the dog, from soup to nuts. Obviously this would take a big commitment from him, too. But if you develop a plan for this, together with his feeding him routinely (every time! nobody else steps in!) and walking, playing with him, while others pull back, that would be the solution however you want to work it. Brian Kilcommons discusses this method in his book, Good Owners, Great Dogs, if you don't already have it. Give it a try. I know how sad my kids would be if a dog was afraid of them, so I can imagine how hard this is for your son. Work with them to give both him and the dog a better relationship. It can be done! I am proof of that with my dog. I won't say it's easy, though. But the harder the work, the sweeter the rewards. I have given my heart and soul (and blood, sweat and tears!) to my dog and she's returned hers to me tenfold. This dog came into your life for a reason and maybe she's her to teach you all something! Think of it that way! (Your son would learn a LOT about committment from something like this!)