Awesome!
Tink, your post is not offensive. I can only speak for myself but I think that we are way too fixated on labels and not enough on health.
Several years ago my DH was told he was grossly obese and borderline morbidly obese by his brand new internist. WHAT?????? The Dr looked solely at his height and weight, but not at his build and his muscle. My DH was shocked, to say the least. The Dr. has since reevaluated his "concerns" and only speaks about his weight if he needs to lose 10 pounds. Buddy continued to see the Dr, but for some, that comment would have been enough to stop having yearly physicals. I am glad you came here to vent rather than to keep that thought inside where it could fester.
First, I believe that there is a difference between supporting a loved one to work on improving her health and using guilt to force her to diet. I see no connection between who pas the mortgage and who is being prodded to make changes. My DH paid the mortgage when we had one and he would be mortally wounded if he tried to guilt me into making changes.
Perhaps the reason the women you saw were "not ashamed" was because they were not judged in the store.
When I was a kid I was a "Chubette" and I was mortified at the connotation of the word. My DD was a "Pretty Plus" and she was not at all enchanted by that designation on clothing. You see, it is not the word itself that is the problem, it is how that word when associated with a woman's size can used to demean or judge that woman. If you patronize a "plus size" store you know you are in a safe place when you shop. No one is going to stare, make faces or whisper behind their hands. If you shop in a department store that has a range of sizes you may find that the experience is not as pleasant, and people in the store may not be as helpful.
I have no idea what size you are or how you feel about it personally, but having been on both sides of the size fence more than once, I am not going to tell a woman she should not be sensitive at a designation that pertains to her size.