Even if all that you say is true, how does that make them such horrible people to deserve the treatment that they are getting? Are you perfect? Of course not, none of us are. What have they done that is so egregious to warrant this? Nobody would want to be constantly attacked and name called. It wears on a person. They are trying to distance themselves from it and I don't blame them. There are plenty of royals that still benefit from their birth but do not play a big part in the "working royal" part of it.
Í am not saying she deserves it. I am explaining how things work on this side of the ocean.
It is terrible, but becoming part of the British royal family is not like joining any other royal family or a regular family, it comes with a very harsh hazing period that can take years to make sure you are up to it. You can wish it was all sunshine and roses, but it's not. That it is why Harry is very much to blame for not preparing Meghan for it, but then again, Meghan can also take part of the blame for not listening to her British friends who warned her. She said her American friends were all happy for her, her British friends warned her. That should have been a major red flag for her. She thought then the good outweighed the bad. She was loved by the public when she arrived, but then the press started to publish stories about her past, she thought the good (the love of the people and all the benefits) didn't outweigh the bad anymore and she wanted out.
To summarize, it comes to 3 things why they keep rubbing people the wrong way:
1: Say one thing, and do the other. Like saying you want privacy, and then go into high profile public events. That's being a hypocrite.
2: The preaching. The public thinks 'who do you think you are to tell us how we need to live our lives' (and for this also see #1)
3: How they do things. I am sure a more progressive role is possible in the British royal family, most European royal families have the roles Harry & Meghan want for their spares. I think if they took things slower and slowly carved out their new role, they could have ended up with what they wanted. Especially with the slimmed down family Prince Charles wants in the future, the half-in, half-out role was an option. Only not immediately. This is a traditional company, if you want to be successful in making a change, you need to know your audience. This audience was about patience and traditions.
When you read about change management, how to make changes in a company, very rarily is the advice: Just do what ever you want, ruffle all the feathers, and then you will get everyone with you.
Harry and Meghan are very much a product of the current time, instant gratification, 'I want something, I want it now'. Sometimes it pays off to take things slow and work on getting what you want (like Oprah Winfrey meeting Meghan once before the wedding and taking 3 years preparing for the interview ;-) )
With their method they pushed the Queen into a corner. The Queen cannot be a pushover. Which comes to a fourth reason: It's two young kids kicking against a 94 year old grandmother who did everything to give them everything they want. The Queen is the most loved member of the royal family who has been through a lot. The public doesn't like it when she is treated badly. If we talk about deserve, I do not think the Queen deserved this treatment.
But a good thing, the press and the public are not Fitzwilliam Darcy whose good opinion once lost is lost forever. I do believe if Harry and Meghan work on these three (four) things, the Brits can change their opinion and start to love them again. But it takes hard work and patience.