I'm so upset - prayers please

[kimmikayb]

No word from the OP? I hope she is alright.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

Maybe I missed another thread somewhere but has anyone heard from the OP. I'm a little concerned.

 

[CathrynRose]

Maybe I missed another thread somewhere but has anyone heard from the OP. I'm a little concerned.

She's a regular poster too....Hmmmm.....

 

[Jennifer S]

she posted somewhere else earlier today - she's probably fine- maybe doesn't want to discuss this anymore

 

[yasmina]

I'm here, and thanks again to all for your concerns and prayers.

Between the holiday last weekend and my daughters' Tamburitzan's concert yesterday, I've been running on adrenaline.

I think I posted earlier about my husband apologizing the morning after our explosion. Typical. this isn't the first time he's done something this evil. He gets very nasty when under the influence. I've learned to fight back.

I feel like a zombie, but try to make things seem "normal" for the girls. I've realized that I need to get my finances in order before I can make a move.

He thinks hugging and kissing makes everything "all better". I'm not 5 yo. anymore.

I do post other non-related replies to help distract myself from the situation. But believe me, it's never far from my mind.

 

[CathrynRose]

she posted somewhere else earlier today - she's probably fine- maybe doesn't want to discuss this anymore

Ick... Im sorry. I didnt even think of that.

Blah - sorry.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

Yasmina, it's good to hear from you! I think you are very wise to start to get your finances in order. I wouldn't wait too long to make a move though. Things are only going to get worse by the sounds of it.

 

[DisneyWorldOct08]

Some things that come to my mind from reading your posts:

1. You need to ignore all the asinine things your DH says when he is drunk. Drunks are generally stupid, and anything they say when they are drunk really is just the stupid talking. I have had alcoholics in my family, and have worked on a nursing unit where we do the medical part of alcohol detox. Believe me when I tell you, if I believed everything all the drunks I have ever encountered said to me, I'd be in an insane asylum.

2. You need to stop drinking. You say you are drinking more than you think you should since your dad died, but that you don't need to drink every day like he does. So stop. Your children need one parent who is sober at all times and can think with a clear head.

3. You need to speak with a counselor to assist you in deciding what is best way to handle this for you to do for you and your children. And I mean that. At this point in time, since your DH is an "unrepentant alcoholic", you can't worry about him. You need to worry about yourself & your children.

4. You need to think about leaving & seriously discuss it with a counselor. For both your own mental helath and more importantly, the mental health of your children. Your children are already genetically predisposed to alcoholism. You don't want them to get the message that your husband's behavior is acceptable. And by having this huge blow-ups where there are all sorts of horrible things said, and then life goes back to "normal", what they are seeing is a man treating his wife like crap is OK. Is that the message you want to send?

5. You need to think about your household. If you leave, where will you go? How will you earn a living? What are your assets? What is your retirement? Who is responsible for what bills? Are your credit cards joint? You might want to see a lawyer, who can answer these questions. Leaving someone takes some planning if you have time to plan and don't feel as if you are in immediate physical danger. You need to prepare to be the sole support of your children, since if you do leave, your DH will probably go down the tubes fast.

6. You need to document as much as you can about your DH's behavior, his past rehab stints, his close calls with regard to losing his job, these kinds of fights that take place in front of your children. It may come in handly later.

7. You need to realize that your children do not need to hear every single thing you have ever done that you may not be proud of now. As a matter-of-fact, I probably wouldn't ever tell them about having an abortion...at least not until they were grown and had a fuller understanding of life. Look what happened when you over-shared with your DH...it gets thrown back in your face. There are some things that are fine to keep private. There are things my DH doesn't know about my past, there are things I am quite sure I don't know about DH's past. And that is fine.

8. Forgive yourself for the abortion. You made what you thought was the best decision at the time. Hindsight is always 20/20.

You will be in my thoughts, as you work through these difficult times.

This is the best post I have seen so far on this thread and the OP needs, absolutely NEEDS to re-read it and take these 8 points Disney Doll made to heart.

There is NO point in staying with a drunk. I'd say that even if there were no kids involved but there are children involved and you need to leave as soon as you get your finances in order and have legal counsel. Let this loser go. He's not worth it. YOU and YOUR CHILDREN ARE.

 

[yasmina]

This is the best post I have seen so far on this thread and the OP needs, absolutely NEEDS to re-read it and take these 8 points Disney Doll made to heart.

There is NO point in staying with a drunk. I'd say that even if there were no kids involved but there are children involved and you need to leave as soon as you get your finances in order and have legal counsel. Let this loser go. He's not worth it. YOU and YOUR CHILDREN ARE.

Thank you for quoting this. Right now, I'm trying to get along as best that I can without regurgitating the emotions of that night. But at this point, you are absolutely right that all that matters is me and my girls, and that I need to to re-read this, and all the other posts to remember how horrible I felt that night. Sometimes it's too easy to forget the worst moments and pretend they never happened.

I intend to use this thread as a reminder, along with the diaries I used to keep.

I appreciate all the update requests. I know that I need to get my financial house in order so that I can do the right thing for me and my girls. It will take several months to get caught up and save enough too.

As far as employment, I've been employed in the same school district for over 20 years. Unless I do something really stupid, like swear in class or sleep with a student (yeah right), I'm pretty secure. Retirement? I won't touch his if he won't touch mine. Credit cards? I don't know. They're in my name, but as a married couple, I'd have to see a lawyer as to whether he'd be partially responsible. The house? The mortgage is in his name, but my name is on the deed. Don't have any idea how that would pan out.

I'm kind of proud (?) of learning to fight back. When I was a kid, we heard my parents fight, mom mostly crying (not for reasons of alcohol though), but we never saw them make up. We only ever saw them back to normal the next day. I take after my mom where in any conflict I tend to tear up. Not any more.

I'm rather ashamed to say that I gave as good as I got that night. It was no holds barred. Probably a lot of things were said on both sides that should be forgotten, but the original accusation of his in front of our daughter is unforgivable. I'm glad the girls were, to my knowledge, busy with their friends and didn't hear the worst of it.

As far the abortion, I'm not ashamed of it. I'm sorry it was necessary for me at the time, and I wish I had been more responsible in many ways that it hadn't occurred. But like I said, it is what it is, and I can't take it back. I love my girls, and at some point, when and IF it is appropriate, I will tell them about it.

Thank you all for caring so much - just one of the reasons I love this board. And yes, I will keep posting trivial items and opinions to distract me when I need to forget what is going on in my own life.

 

[DisneyWorldOct08]

 

[angel*lady]

Thanks for checking in!

 

[poohandwendy]

I somehow missed this thread when it was first started. I just wanted to offer a hug to the OP. I agree with everything DisneyDoll said, as usual.

Good luck, stay strong.

 

[Liberty Belle]

You're being so level-headed. Stay strong and I'm sure you'll make it through this.

 

[MELSMICE]

Just want to offer my support.

 

[Piglets Mommy]

No words, just