I need help coping with my miscarriage- last update 5/21

[kpm76]

I am so so sorry for your loss. I remember you from the moms-to-be thread last year...I think our little ones are about the same age. I have never experienced a pregnancy loss so I don't have any advice, but I think you have gotten some great words of wisdom from some really strong women on this thread. I was crying reading the responses so I cannot imagine living the nightmare of losing a child. Anyone who has experienced pregnancy knows that from the moment you find out you are expecting, that child becomes real to you. I wish you and your family peace and love during this most difficult time.

 

[tonilea]

You never get over it. We lost one baby in 1994 and then twins in December and January (a month apart) this past year. Ironically they were all due in August.

The loss of the twins was easier. I think because I had my son to pour my love on. I had a very hard time with my first loss.

They say time heals all wounds. It does get better, but you will certainly be left with a scarred heart.

 

[MAKmom]

I'm sorry

 

[EMom]

People say you'll eventually get over it or you'll get past it. I disagree. I think you slog your way through it and fight your way through to the other side. The pain may lessen, but in my case, it never went away totally. (4 m/c) With the first, I had to have a D&C because my hormone levels just kept going up. They put me under totally because twilight doesn't work with me, and I was fine after....physically at least.

We were in London on my due date. I love to travel and am crazy about London. Normally, I'd have been in heaven. But all I could think was, "I don't want to be here. I should be at home with my baby today." Sadly, between the first m/c and the trip to London, I'd already had a second m/c. People would say, "You'll have another baby." Never mind that I had infertility issues ...I didn't want ANOTHER baby. I wanted THAT baby.

Go ahead and grieve. It's a real loss. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

[GraysMom]

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

So very sorry! What a lovely image you have posted for your angel!

 

[Disneylover79]

 

[bfeller]

I am so sorry

 

[RLccweems]

I'm so sorry to hear this....

I've been thru this four times....I sure know how you feel.....

 

[minkydog]

I can so relate. I lost my second child at 15wks and I thought i would go crazy. Unfortunately, my DH was not at all supportive and thought I should just get over it. Eventually I did, but it took a long time.

That was 17yrs ago, and we survived it. But I still remember that disjointed feeling of unrealness. Like I suddenly knew things that no one else knew. That bad things could just "happen" for no reason. My senses were heightened for weeks. what helped me was a child loss support group I found at a hospital. I could go there and cry my eyes out and nobody thought i was being crazy.

I wish you the best. Whether it's your 1st child or your 5th it never feels right to lose a child. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

[shelly3girls]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. We lost our third child to miscarriage. I found comfort in the ivillage message boards, there were some amazing people there. I also found comfort in my children. Honestly, I am more patient and a better mom for it. I would never want to relive the loss again, it was very painful, but I thank God for the lessons I took away from it.

 

[luv2nascar]

I am so sorry for your loss. Time will help heal you but it will take a very long time and you will never forget. I lost a baby in between my girls at 10 wks also. I still remember that child and still mourn even though it has been 8 years. Our baby was due in August and he or she would have been 8 this summer (my girls are 13 and 5). I always think what if.

Hopefully you will be better soon. God bless.

 

[LittleBlue22]

So very sorry! What a lovely image you have posted for your angel!

Thank you. The image gives me some comfort and peace.

While I was logged off earlier, I went out and pulled weeds. It was some what theraputic.

 

[disney or bust]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss I have been in your shoes and I know words can never express the feelings and emotions going through you right now. I lost my little angel at 16 weeks pregnant ---my due date was Jan 1 2002. It took me a long time to get over the anger and injustice of losing a precious baby but as time went on the heartache dulled and I was able to come to peace with the plans He has in store for me. I still think of my little one but I know now that he or she is in a better place watching over me, dh and my dds. Take comfort in the support of your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I'm so sorry. I lost a baby in 2000 and it was very traumatic and I blame myself a great deal. Before anyone tells me "it wasn't your fault"....yes, it was. I had a very bad cold and doubled up on my vitamin C for about 5 days. I had no idea this could induce miscarriage.

Hugs to you and I love your signature, beautiful and peaceful.

 

[Charade]

Hope this helps.

 

[MomofCKJ]

I am so so sorry. I think that miscarriage can be one of the hardest experiences. My heart goes out to you.

This book helped me a lot: Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg. It is a Christian based book with room for journaling and I found it to be a huge comfort.

I went to my 14 week check up on 9/13/01 and they discovered I had lost the baby. It was a missed miscarriage, I had no symptoms nor any idea that something had gone wrong. As much as my DH and family and friends tried to help and be a comfort (and they were great, they really tried) I still found it to be a very lonely experience. At 14 weeks it was I who thought of this baby each day and had the closest connection. It was still a sort of surreal thing for my DH, I wasn't showing really, he couldn't feel kicking, so it was hard for him to grieve when he hadn't had that connection yet. At this time we had 2 dds and we did go on to have our ds who was such a bright light after this experience.

I think finding a miscarriage board can be helpful. It helps to talk with people who know what you are going through and can empathize with you. I think everyone deals with it and grieves in their own unique way but it can help to have a group of people who have walked in your shoes to talk with.

My prayers are with you for healing and comfort....

Allyson

 

[grlpwrd]

I had a m/c on April 7, 1997 and I don't think one ever forgets, you know? I went to a grief counselor at my hospital and I spoke with my reverend, but I really didn't get over it. I just found strength in my faith. I also planted a tree in memory of my baby.

My prayers are with you, too... take care of yourself.

 

[EltonJohn]

If you've miscarried before, what helped you get through it? Do you post on a miscarriage blog, if so which one?

Thank you all.

Sorry for your loss~my grandmother miscarried once and she only told us when she was on her deathbed. I would encourage you to talk it over with someone. Are you a Christian? If so I might be able to reccommend a Christian website for you. There are also the books of Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross who was an awesome psychologist who studied loss and dying.

 

[LittleBlue22]

Sorry for your loss~my grandmother miscarried once and she only told us when she was on her deathbed. I would encourage you to talk it over with someone. Are you a Christian? If so I might be able to reccommend a Christian website for you. There are also the books of Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross who was an awesome psychologist who studied loss and dying.

I would appreciate the website, just type thissite@ dot com.. I tried PMing you and you don't have that option open. I've appreciated the sites mentioned and have been surfing them this evening. I did see the book title mentioned throughout my searches this evening, she must be good.