I must be completely out of touch, childs birthday party invite...

[cats mom]

It sounds like this party will be a major production, and unfortunately RSVP requests are often ignored, particularly for kids' parties it seems. I've lost count of how many Dis threads I've seen complaining about that from the host's side. So if the parents felt printed RSVP cards were the answer, more power to them I guess. As for sending an invite to someone who really has no connection to the child, or even her parents, and the in your face gift grab that came along with it - beyond tacky in my opinion.

 

[crisi]

I ended up at one of those birthday parties once when my daughter was in preschool. A preschool friend, and if I had any idea of what I was in for, I wouldn't have gone. We certainly didn't bring an expensive gift.

(And I'd NEVER ask for a gift receipt. Not even if its a relative. What if they lost it or never got one? They'd feel horrible. Do I really want someone who gave me a gift to feel bad? I donate it.)

 

[bcwife76]

I've got two kids and I can't say I've EVER heard of a party so ridiculous and over the top. No, you are not out of touch. RSVP no and do NOT send a gift.

 

[shoney]

I don't think having kids entertainment along with an open bar and food is out of the norm.

I haven't seen a bday registry yet. I wouldn't be opposed to it. I do not think anyone should be told that they must buy from it. There also should be different price points to fit everyone's budget.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Kids entertainment, open bar and food is normal to me. We usually do my kids birthdays at a skating rink, bowling alley or another facility I can rent out. I always have food and drinks for the adults. I had one birthday at a hall for each kid and did open bar at those.

RSVP cards are not normal to me but I don't have an issue with that. In my circle we put our cell to text or call with RSVP.

I've heard of these birthday registries but never received one.

I don't go to parties of people I'm not close with so I would RSVP no and move on.

 

[worm761]

I don't have an issue with registries. I find that they help when choosing a gift for someone. I keep an ongoing Amazon wish list for DD. She just turned 6 on Monday and both of our families live over 1000 miles away. It's easier if they can just pick something that she has expressed an interest in since we don't see each other often.

As for birthday parties, we are pretty low key in our circle. DD's party is this coming Sunday. I made a Facebook group and invited everyone that way. This is how everyone does it for get-togethers. Everyone also kept asking about gifts for DD. She gets a ton this time of year and I don't want her overwhelmed so I suggested books, craft kits, and play dough but expressed that none are expected. The kids will come over and play and there will be cupcakes instead of cake and DH is picking up a couple of pizzas from a local pizza joint.

As for the bar/adult beverages, everyone just brings their own. I'll have a cooler with ice and someone will most likely bring a bottle or two of wine. The friend that home brews will bring samples of his latest batch.

 

[AZMermaid]

Yeah- way over the top!! A bounce house OR ponies, sure. Open bar... maybe not the norm, but not unheard of. Printed invitations and inviting a million people with a strict present demand? No! I also have an Amazon wish list for my kids that relatives can reference... or not. It's out there if they need suggestions- some use it, some don't. But I would NEVER say it has to be from there. So rude!!

 

[Minniesgal]

I only ever invites kids to my kids birthday parties and never ever asked for presents. This is beyond weird and I would be tempted to say thank you but no thank you

 

[Momto2minniemice]

It seems that more and more kids are in the give me something and the look what I got stage. They are missing out on the little things that make birthdays special. Like one on one attention. It is sad that it has become this way. Kids need to learn to be humble. My kids have had small parties, but never ask for gifts. That is just weird!

 

[wendow]

I think for DD's 3rd birthday, she had cake, ice cream, and presents with her cousins.

This was pretty much my kid's b-days when they were 3yo.

 

[DawnM]

My poor, poor children. Tonight my almost 16 year old had a few friends over, I made HOMEMADE ice cream cake and they had sub sandwiches and hung out.

We asked for no gifts, although he got a few cards, and I think I spent $50 on food.

We will do more as a family, but that is the "party" part.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

Definitely not impressed.

 

[Disneylover99]

OP, reply yes to the RSVP.
Then buy the cheapest item on the registry, pig out on the food and drink yourself silly while there.
Everyone is happy.

 

[LovesTimone]

OP Here again,

I was talking to my DD and showed her the invite and she was like.. what in the world. Which brought on us talking about her birthday parties. Ice cream parlor with games and make your own banana splits, Bowling alley with cake and ice cream, Few times she skipped the party instead her and I went to see Mickey and the gang ( her choice). Pool party with pizza, snacks, cake and ice cream. For her 16th birthday she got a car, and a family outing to Typhoon Lagoon she requested the water park trip she was surprised with the car, 18th birthday Her and I spent a long weekend with Mickey mom and daughter time. Oh yeah I almost forgot we did a birthday party at the theater, Lion King the original movie.

DD is married and a mama now, my DGS will be a year old in January, she is keeping it simple, a few platters, ice cream and cake, and just immediate family.

Thanks for all your response's, they all made me feel better. I thought my goodness you are so out of touch and showing your age..

 

[kathy884]

That sounds pretty over the top. It's definitely not something that happens in my social circle, so is a entirely new world to me. If people want to have a big party, though, why not. If it sounds like it would be fun to go, why not.

DS went to a private elementary school with pretty high tuition (it was a school for kids with normal IQs, but learning disabilities where they got a lot of extra help and tutoring) and I was flabbergasted at one party we went to for an 11th birthday. I had the address to drop him off and OMG there were four people doing valet parking on this estate. There were two bounce houses and a batting cage setup. They said bring your swimsuit, and there was a beautiful in ground swimming pool and hot tub -- fabulous landscaping more like a resort than a person's home. And then there was the pool house. This really cool octagon building with floor to ceiling windows that could be opened up for an incredible cross breeze, an industrial sized kitchen, a bar area, and charming seating socializing area. There was an open bar and super yummy horderves (all kinds of them -- shrimp concoctions, veggy ones, unusual and good, but things I hadn't had before). DS went to play with school friends, I inquired as to when I should pick up DS, and the adults said to me, oh why don't you stay too -- even though I wasn't invited vs. coming back to pick up later. I didn't know any of the adults, but found plenty of people I didn't know before who were interesting to talk to and had a super enjoyable time. I'm sure the inexpensive stuffed animal DS brought as a present would probably be something they could donate to a Children's hospital. There was no gift registry or anything like that. By the cute little picture invitation and little RSVP card or phone number, I really had no idea that this was going to be such a lavish affair.

Now then, there is the birthday party we had that year. We did a mad science birthday party (a guy came over and did fun/educational science experiments and a little rocket launch with the kids). We just had seven other kids over mostly from the neighborhood, just served some cake and ice cream and had it in our nice but very modest in comparison 1700 square foot house in a little Beaver Cleaver type neighborhood.

Regarding the lavish affair. I really think the parents just like to do entertaining and the birthday party was a nice excuse to have some people over. And having such a nice place that's so perfect for entertaining and the means to do it, is that really such a bad thing that deserves criticism? There is no need to keep up with the Jones or anything like that here. Everyone can do their own thing or nothing at all for their own kid's birthday. If it's not your cup of tea or you are put off by the gift registry/expectation, skip the lavish party. If it sounds fun, give it a shot.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

OP Here

We are going to be out of town that weekend so I have filled out the RSVP card to go out in the mail. Checking the regrets column.

I will say that I was sorta surprised to get a invite, this is a friend I used to work with several years ago and we remained friends after we moved away, I have only met her daughter a few times, and once we all went shopping my DD and I and her DD and her about 5 years ago, and I have only seen her granddaughter once right after she was born. So I don't feel bad about not attending.

I just thought WOW for a 3 year old birthday party.
With the rsvp, I just thought you would either call or email your intent. It just the sheer size of the birthday party and all the stuff going on. I would think that the reason for the party or the child herself is going to get lost in all the 'stuff"

So, this isn't even a close personal friend? It's a former coworker with whom you've kept in touch after moving away? You barely know the daughter & have seen the birthday girl all of ONCE since she was born?

This is even weirder than it sounded in the beginning.

 

[Eastern]

I think that invite is rude. It's ok to have a registry, and to tell someone where it is, if they ask, but do not include it in the invite.

If you are lucky enough that your kid has that many expensive items, the only recommendation I would put on the card is "no gifts please", and I have done it for my teens and for me and my husband. A party is to celebrate, not to collect expensive gifts.

Another idea (for the invitation) is to have people bring a can of food for either the local food bank or a pet shelter instead of another gift that someone probably doesn't need. That way people do not feel uncomfortable coming empty-handed as some do, to a no-gifts party.

 

[DisneyHardin]

How interesting to hear different people's views on birthday gifts. I am quite surprised by how many people think it is terribly tacky to ask for the receipt for an expensive gift you already have. As a gift giver, I would hate to find out that I got someone something they already had and they just donated it because they were afraid to hurt my feelings by asking for the receipt. I would much rather them have something they can use instead of a duplicate gift.

 

[Jing]

I am very disappointed the "no" RSVP card did not include the address of where to send a gift

We run in a few different socionomic circles, and most kid parties (under age 5) have an adult component. The trend also seems to be toward no gifts/gifts optional. I have run across amazon wish lists after asking the parents what to get, but not on the invite. For that matter, most invites we get are from Facebook or a personal conversation.

For perspective, I was an 80s kid and we did RSVP invites. Our local chuck-e-cheese also had a lounge that served beer with an anmatronic singing chicken.

 

[tasha99]

Wow. My rule of thumb was one guest per year, so a 3 year old could have 3 friends max. But really, we just did family parties most years. Often, the friend birthday "party" was one friend staying over and going on a special trip or outing with us.

And I've never seen a gift grab Iike that. I've seen the opposite (no gifts please, bring a can of food for the food bank etc). Insisting on gifts off the list is tacky.