Here's a strategy for you: just say no to family who invites themselves

[cmul04]

Update!

Today's trick...get this...the brother and his wife are getting "colds" so they left their kids with the grandparents and us. They spent the day at BCV, alone. We managed their rugrats for them. And we consider ourselves fairly savvy people, educated, with it, certainly Disney veterans...and yet somehow it's always something with them.


Here they come, I have to go...more later after everyone leaves.

 

[disneyandme]

Dumping the kids on you would be the last straw for me. I'd lay it out for them and let them know that your family is taking a day for yourselves. Give them whatever planning information they need and then let them know to only call if there is a medical emergency- then just take a day for your family.

 

[Metsoskil]

Dumping the kids on you would be the last straw for me. I'd lay it out for them and let them know that your family is taking a day for yourselves. Give them whatever planning information they need and then let them know to only call if there is a medical emergency- then just take a day for your family.

Amen. Tell them you are doing your own thing tomorrow and turn off your phone.

 

[disneyandme]

Maybe I should be more sympthetic- maybe they were both actually sick. I'd make sure they both stayed in the room all day to "recover" and that there are no wet bathing suits lying around.

 

[dumbo_buddy]

Amen. Tell them you are doing your own thing tomorrow and turn off your phone.

yes! ditto!

 

[BuzzPrincessMom]

I feel for you. I suggest setting the alarm getting out early and keeping the phone off.

They wanted a day alone, well you do to - so sneak out.

We go in June, I invited my parents. They went with us for a few days in 2006...the rules are the same. Our family has an agenda, its printed, join us if you want, but we will not wait for you. Mom is fine with that.

 

[kdepot]

Our first trip with family was our first on property and no problems at all. My Sis & BIL/ kids went their way and us ours. 1 or 2 Dinners together and all was fine.

My DW is from a large family and we did 1 trip with my SIL and hers and my MIL and us. Same deal adjoining rooms but different plans. Another trip my BIL's family was in 1 resort and us another. We just called each other each afternoon and asked " What ya doin" and we would get together for dinner or a drink.
Our first trip "home" at SSR we had a 1 BR and a BIL and wife stayed for 3 days and we had a ball.
Our 1st 10 trips to WDW our kids were young Now 24 & 29 they make their own trips. but still we made 4 trips with family back then and enjoyed it.

I hope the OP has a great trip in spite of their "guests"

 

[Willow25]

It boggles my mind that people can not understand when families on vacation want time just with their family. We are coming from Australia December 2010 and my parents have invited themselves including two of my neices. Some of the comments already include that they can go to bed early and we can take my neices to the parks at night. HELLO it is our vacation too. To top it all of my husband keeps asking his over attentive parents to come along. Thank god FIL hates travel and has not interest in coming over to the states or Disney again. I am trying to hurry and book flights etc. hoping that they don't change their minds.

Seriously try to get a day with just you and your family. They had theirs!!

 

[disneyfan123]

Oh gosh that totally sucks! That must cause constant stress wondering when the next "family fighting" show will start. You should all look at a schedule map at the Park for when the shows run and ask them if they could write down their melt down times so you can go somewhere else...haha.

I love my Mom and Dad inlaws, but also know myself better than to ruin that love by vacationing together. They offered to pay for our family to go on a trip to Disney in March since my mom in law is a teacher, which financially is pretty awesome, but not worth it to feel the stress. It would not even be the stress of fighting, it would simply be the stress of having to accomodate that many extra people with all the things to do. They also spoil our kids (which is the job of the grandparent) and my daughter takes full advantage and starts to play the victim when we discipline her and runs to grandma to protect her from getting a time out.

 

[kymom99]

When we went on our first trip, a casual friend from work was there with her family part of the time. She wanted to meet up, but I missed her call ( I honestly did!). I didn't think it would be a good idea to tour with them anyway because her daughter is a handful and dominates my son when they are together.

We went once with my niece part of the time but she went with the flow. No problems. we also went with my husband's daughter and that was fine too. I just told them our basic plans and emphasized that we didn't have to stick together the whole time. It worked out fine. I am very choosy about who I would go to Disney with.

 

[BroganMc]

OP go hide yourself in the bathroom for a long hot shower/bath. Take lots of deep breaths and gather your sense of serenity. Then try and look for the bright side of having the family there (all those kid cousins interacting). Next, go off for a day solo and get some perspective. I can pretty much guarantee whatever has your knickers in a twist right now is not half as bad as it will seem in retrospect.

For everyone else, family trips are more stressful but also more rewarding, especially if you vacation solo during the year. I took my entire family (that's 4 families with 17 people) last month for a Disney gathering. It was very busy, crazy, hectic, sometimes frustrating, and we all got sick when we got home again, but I wouldn't have traded the memories we made for anything.

There's a time for those solo family vacations and a time for grand gatherings. You just need to keep some perspective about you and store up on the patience. (2 people cannot walk through a Mall more than 20 feet without having diverging interests.) It also helps to have realistic expectations. You can't go into a group trip with a big chip on your shoulder (that includes the "I planned it so I should be Trip Goddess" ego) and need to be flexible. You do not vacation with others the way you do alone, but the same is true as soon as your kids hit the teen years. Heck, vacationing with a toddler is a totally different experience than a 9 year old. There's no absolutely perfect vacation plan other than "have lots of different kinds as life allows".

 

[cmul04]

OP go hide yourself in the bathroom for a long hot shower/bath. Take lots of deep breaths and gather your sense of serenity. Then try and look for the bright side of having the family there (all those kid cousins interacting). Next, go off for a day solo and get some perspective. I can pretty much guarantee whatever has your knickers in a twist right now is not half as bad as it will seem in retrospect.

For everyone else, family trips are more stressful but also more rewarding, especially if you vacation solo during the year. I took my entire family (that's 4 families with 17 people) last month for a Disney gathering. It was very busy, crazy, hectic, sometimes frustrating, and we all got sick when we got home again, but I wouldn't have traded the memories we made for anything.

There's a time for those solo family vacations and a time for grand gatherings. You just need to keep some perspective about you and store up on the patience. (2 people cannot walk through a Mall more than 20 feet without having diverging interests.) It also helps to have realistic expectations. You can't go into a group trip with a big chip on your shoulder (that includes the "I planned it so I should be Trip Goddess" ego) and need to be flexible. You do not vacation with others the way you do alone, but the same is true as soon as your kids hit the teen years. Heck, vacationing with a toddler is a totally different experience than a 9 year old. There's no absolutely perfect vacation plan other than "have lots of different kinds as life allows".

I couldn't agree more, very wise advice - always good to step back and check your perspective. And actually no one is arguing about what to do, we are all getting along as far as that goes. It's just the way they interact with their kids and their parents, too. The arguing and misbehaving - very different parenting going on here. And the constant sponging off everyone else. Waaaayyy tooooo muuuuch family drama!!

The other issue is that when we travel with my family, we have so much fun. It's hard to not compare the two experiences!

My original post was twofold...one, I needed to vent! And, two, if you are planning to travel with someone else, may I just offer this thought: consider very seriously all the time you spend together. It is not like gathering at their house for dinner. You are basically living together and that is not as easy as one might think!

Thanks for listening and telling me I'm not crazy. I am off to enjoy my trip no matter what. Okay, I'm off to bed, but tomorrow is a new day.

And I'm still not going on three more trips in 2010. Nope not me.

 

[BroganMc]

It's just the way they interact with their kids and their parents, too.

That falls under the "have realistic expectations" category of my two-pence wisdom. I could write books on how each of my travel companions have at one time annoyed the snot out of me and threatened to reduce me to a whiny toddler.

Actually you don't really know people until you share the same bathroom/bedroom with them. It's almost impossible not to let your inner monster out when you have to strip to your jammies. The trick is having a sense of humor about it.

i.e. I call my cousin "the vampire" because he prefers total darkness and late sleeping hours. I woke up cursing a blue streak one night in our studio because he barricaded himself with sofa cushions and unscrewed the lightbulbs because they were "too bright". Made it hard to find my way to the bathroom in that mess.

This leads directly to another rule of mine. When possible ALWAYS keep your guests in separate rooms. Everyone needs a sanctuary to hide from the craziness (or let the monster out).

Good luck with the trip! Hope the weather improves for you. I hate the cold.

 

[indimom]

DH is our "bad guy," anytime family mention joint vacations, I just explain that DH can't handle it and will get grumpy and be no fun and I wouldn't want to subject them to that.... He doesn't mind at all being the bad guy as long as he can have a relaxing trip with just us! I love that man!

 

[dianne1974]

We did the family trip in April 07 with my Sis, BIL neice and his parents and his brother. It was our first trip, we stayed in a house and it ws horrible! My bil and his family wanted to stay up all night long drinking, and then complain because we wanted leave early in the morning to get to the parks. My sis became a total witch to everyone because of her hubby and inlaws. They were making her trip miserable so she was determined that ours was going to be miserable. We went to MK together(did I mention that we went the week before Easter?) we spent about a hour together and none of them could decide what they wanted to do. We told them we were leaving to go do our own thing, if we saw each other again we would do something together. Never saw each other, but my kids had the best time, they got to do all of the things that they wanted to do. My sis that night was so mad, her ILs had to stop and rest all of the time, they did not wasnt to stand in any lines. My poor neice did not enjoy her day!

We went last April, crowdwd but it was the best trip. No worries at all, we stayed onsite and really enjoyed our trip!

My other sis found out we were going in March and asked if her family could come with us, I told her she could do whatever she wanted to do, but that we WOULD NOT be "hanging" out together. They need to experience Disney for the first time as a family, not with our family. She is cool with that. As are we!

 

[fairestoneofall]

These posts make me feel lucky! When my parents go with us, they are happy to be invited, pay their own way (and sometimes buy our dinner), follow whatever plan we work out, etc. They are just happy to be there enjoying their grandkids. These horror stories would make me DREAD going to WDW!

my family is great, for the most part. everyone pays his/her own way. but, it's still nice to have some alone time with just dh, the kids and me. we live near both grandparents and aunts/uncle. so, it isn't like they don't get to see the kids.

i do stress more trying to make sure everyone is happy. even though most are "go with the flow," i still want everyone to get to do what they want and eat where they want. so, it's less stress on me if it's just us.

 

[avic77]

in 08 my sister and her 3 kids went to Disney the same time as us. We drove 2 cars and stayed together driving down and back but after we checked in the hotel we went our own ways... i think we saw each other maybe 3 times in passing and that was fine since at the time her and the kids were living with us while she got her new house set up. We were all ready for a break from one another and Disney gave us plenty of room to spread out and give each family time to themselves!

 

[disneyandme]

I hope your trip is improving- or you've ditched them all. Let us know how it goes. This is an Ok place to vent about irratating relatives, so don't let anyone scare you away.

 

[Lily & Giny's Mom]

Since I have turned my Mother on to the Dis Forums I will make no comment! L&G's Dad.

 

[Pixieflip]