Having children in your forties?!

[sms]

What is your opinion on having children in your forties??!! Anyone out there that has experienced this? Pros/cons or any info would be great!!! Thanks!

 

[princess&her4princes]

I'm 35 (almost 36...gulp!!) and feel like some days I waited too long to have mine....then again 3 under 6 is a lot. I think it's doable, I just would worry about birth defects while carrying at that age and keeping up with them later in life, just my opinion though. Good luck with your decision!!

 

[Willow25]

If it works for your family then that is what is right for you. Some people have that burning desire in their 40's and I don't see anything wrong with that.

 

[mommy-on-the-move]

If it works for your family then that is what is right for you. Some people have that burning desire in their 40's and I don't see anything wrong with that.

I agree with this, when I was seventeen and pregnant with our first (we got together young- we've effectively grown up together throughout our marriage) in my antenatal class we were paired with buddies and my partner was a lady who was 41 and we were both going through all the same things expecting our first, we also both encountered similar shocked responses to our pregnancies- me because people thought us too young, her because people assumed she'd remain childless once she hit 40 with no kids. We both had very similar pregnancies, both very similar labour & deliveries and are now both mothers to pre-teen girls who are very alike!

Good parenting is about love, patience and outlook- not age.

 

[ChrisandDon'sMommy]

I have two now and I'm hitting 32 soon. They wear me out. There's no way I'd knowingly have children (starting out) in my forties. They require energy and financial means that I don't believe I'd be willing to give at that time period in my life. But, to each their own.

 

[iluvmickeytown]

I'm going to be 44 next week and I have a 6yr old and a 2 1/2 year old. I wish I had more energy. Course it could be the 80 extra pounds i'm caring with me. The only thing that gets me a little sad is when I think how old i'm going to be when they are in their teens. Or if I'm going to be around when they have kids. Then I tell myself hey some people pass away when they are young. So I guess you never know how long your going to have your parents around. Didn't mean to sound so morbid but that's the only thing that I stress over. But mentaly I feel very young. Good luck. I don't regret for one second having my blessings. Even when they drive me crazy lol.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

My goal was to have them before I was 35 to avoid the increased risk of complications and the extra testing involved. I had one at 30 and one at 33 and that was perfect for me. Now, at 43, I couldn't imagine having another one. I'm so happy to be done with 3:00 a.m. feedings and chasing toddlers around. My boys are relatively self-sufficient. They can get up early if they want and DH and I can sleep longer if we want. I can send them up to take showers by themselves. They can fix their own snacks and pour their own cereal. It's nice when they reach the age where they can be more independent. I work with preschoolers in my job and I'm glad to give them back to their mommies after school is over. They're fun for a few hours but I'm glad I don't have any of that age at home!

I know several people my age who are still having babies and it seems to work out for them. I guess it depends on your circumstances and your desire to do it, not to mention your energy level!

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I always said "40 and I'm done!". But, we had secondary infertility that resulted in a 6 year gap between #2 and #3. I was 39 when #3 was born, so I figured I was done. But DH really wanted to try for #4. After much talking and setting of ground rules, I agreed to try, but only for a limited time. We agreed that, if I didn't get pregnant by the end of 2005, we would both take it as a sign from God that we weren't destined to have a 4th child. No blame or arguing--that was that.

#4 is 2 1/2 now. He's sweet and funny and adorable. How much richer our lives are to have him! I turned 42, 2 weeks before he was born.

I will admit, I don't have the energy I once did. Or the patience, in some ways. But he has done so much to help me appreciate every day.

I should also say, there are more problems after 40, and there's no guarantee that anyone is going to get a healthy baby, or any baby at all. And you do think more about your own mortality and being able to be around for your child. So there are some serious things to think about.

 

[RobinFabulous]

No experience myself (20, 24, & 27 when mine were born) but almost DH turned 40 today and his parents are 80(dad) & 84(mom). Her (his mother's)first husband died, & all his siblings are much older. He was adopted and is very much loved, but I think when he was little (and it was a long time ago) it was harder having parents that were much older than his peers parents. Now, of course, he's only 40 and we're very worried about them as they are aging now. I think he got a lot of special attention because he was their only child together. <shrug> it's what YOU can handle. I know that at 30 I am DONE. I love mine, but I'm lazier now than I was at 20

 

[deedeetoo]

I am 48 and have a 10 year old and a 7 year old. I really do not see much difference between myself and the other mothers of my kids friends. I assume I am older than most of them but it isn't really obvious. I don't feel out of place when I'm with a group of them.

I did have some trouble conceiving but doctors said there was a physical problem (not age related). I didn't have any pregancy or childbirth troubles. We choose not to have any testing done for Down's syndrome because we would not have done anything with the information anyway - it was difficult for me to get pregnant and I was going to accept whatever God sent me.

I think there are a lot of advantages to being an older parent. You're more financially secure, you are wiser and have a bit more perspective on things than younger parents do. So bottom line is, if you want to do it, go ahead. Don't let your age stop you.

 

[An_Island_Girl]

LOL! There is a big age gap between my DH and myself. We have our 2 boys DS22 and DS21 from his first marraige, and our DD4. Well, just the other day our DD4 told my DH that if he was in a wheelchair when she graduated from college that she would still love him! I'm sure the boys planted the seed, but coming even out of her little innocent mouth it made him cringe. He is only 44, but he says that he definately wishes he could have 1/2 the energy he had when the boys were little.

 

[SLK1]

I had my oldest when I just turned 25 and my youngest when I turned 38. I can honestly tell you there are pros and cons to both! I had SO much patience when I was young. But, now that we are older, we can actually afford this fourth child! Being older, if you're a career person, you might feel like you've "been there, done that" as far as your career is done and can focus on your child, whereas if you're young, you might always have that "itch" to get back to work and not devote yourself 100% to being a parent (if your desire is, in fact, to be a stay-at-home mom). When you're older, I think you appreciate this special, very precious gift a bit more because you've seen and experienced so much more, and witnessed a lot of things so that you can truly understand what you're holding in your arms, and what a gift it is. I feel almost like I kind of grew up along with my oldest two kids (was 25 and 27 at the time of their birth), but with my younger two, I feel like I let things go much more, don't worry about the little things, and enjoy them fully (although the lack of patience can sometimes get to me!!!).

 

[GentleOceanWind]

Lots of great viewpoints here already!

I'm 42 with an 8 yo and 2 yo. I feel so blessed to not have to worry about financially supporting my dc, which would have been a very different story in my 20's. I get to stay at home with them every day, and there is nothing like sharing a beautiful fall day in your PJ's with two little people who adore you and just want to have giggly, affectionate fun and communicate straight from their hearts.

I have more patience and less energy. I feel that dh and I (he's the same age) are coming from a midlife perspective that helps us really just appreciate so much that might make younger parents agitated.

Sometimes I worry about how old dh and I will be when our children are growing up and as adults...will we have the energy and mental sharpness to be amazing grandparents? There is an extra burden to stay in good health and also to have things in order should anything happen to us. On the other hand, they certainly keep us young-at-heart. I can't imagine going through life without the most wonderful treasures God's ever given me.

 

[laceemouse]

I had my 4th at 35 and when the doctor showed me the stats for complications and birth defects it scared me. You worry every time, of course, but the odds go up drastically with age. I guess if having them that old was the ONLY way I could be a mom I might risk it, but I think far too many people put it off for far too long and then get upset when things go badly. All you see are the good outcomes because fertility issues are fixed with drugs (why all the stars have twins these days) and lots of Downs babies are aborted.

Some folks have a "nothing bad will ever happen to me attitude." Not me, I worried!

 

[DawnM]

If your only choice is to have them after 40, (got married late, worked on your career first, whatever), then by all means HAVE them after 40!!!!

I am 42. I have 3 kids, youngest is 4.5 years old. My best friend is 42 and pregnant!!!!

There were many couples in their 40's and a couple in their 50's adopting on our China trip.

Look at all the celebrities having babies in their 40's.

GO FOR IT!



Dawn

 

[crisi]

There is usually one advantage to having your kids late - you are often more financially secure.

There is one general downside, your health is starting to deteriorate - that may be something a simple as "my knees creak more after running marathons" or it may be as serious as "heart disease will kill you before your kids graduate from high school."

If you are in poor health and broke, risking kids as you age is putting a lot of risk towards your kids (you don't really realize how much of a committment "I'm going to be around to raise you until you are an adult" is until you are sitting there waiting to find out if that lump is "just lumpy." You also don't realize how expensive kids are until you start figure out daycare expenses - and realizing it isn't going to stop draining your wallet for two decades.) People still do it with no regrets, you just need to be a little more aware of the decisions you are making. If you are in great health and set for retirement already - then you aren't taking any more risk - and probably less - than someone having kids at 21.

 

[Janet Hill]

I had my oldest at 25 and my two youngest at 40 and 42. My easiest pregnancy was the one at 40 and my hardest at 42 (emergency c-section). However, the c-section probably had nothing to do with age, merely bad luck (she was high in the birth canal breech with the cord around her neck twice).

Don't have the energy I had with #1.

 

[nikkers]

I am 34 and DH (44). We have DS (4 1/2) and DD (2 1/2). I think the most important thing is it works for your family. We are very happy. My DH always says he wouldn't have been ready in his 20's or early 30's. We are more financially secure. We are more patient. Our kids get to do a lot more than we would have been able to afford at a younger age. We do a lot of traveling. There are going to be pros and cons at any age. Good luck!

 

[JESW]

I had my kids at 35 & 39 and they are now 14 and 9. I was fortunate that I had worked since I was in hs so when ds came along I was able to stay home and we could live on just dh's salary. It was tougher getting pregnant with dd and I needed some help but still managed to have her the year I was turning 40.

Just another way of thinking...my parents had me (their last) when they were 35 & 40. Now they are 83 & 88 and I spend a lot of time caring for them. My Dad no longer drives so they depend on me to get where they need to go - food shopping, dr appointments, stores, etc. My Mom has been in the hospital and is now in rehab so I have been helping Dad at home and taking him up to see her every day. I love my parents very much and I am happy to do this for them (I am the only one of their 4 kids who is home during the day. Two others help out a bit and our oldest sibling lives in another state and has never had to help take care of our parents) BUT...it does take up a lot of my time. My kids are still young enough that they need me and I am trying to balance both families. *My* house is a mess but my parents place looks pretty good! So I am right in the middle of taking care of two families. Some days I feel the pressure, especially when I am sick and would like to just crawl into bed but I know too many people are depending on me.

Just another side of things.

Jill

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I had my first at 19. I am 33 now and my kids are 14, 9 and almost 7. I am beyond tired at the end of the day. I feel like I am always running someone somewhere. By the end of the night I am beat. I can't imagine starting even now (I know that seems silly) but that is the case for me. You have to know your body. Will you be able to keep up with them? If so, then it's your choice.

I do wish we had been better off financially when we had our first DD (I think we are still paying off the diapers we charged for her!) But we made it and are now a happy family of 5 so we survived.

The women in my family have all become grandmothers in their 30s! Gosh, I hope that doesn't happen to me, but having kids so young that is a possibility. Scary...