Have you ever been the victim of sexism

[Planogirl]

I kid you not, my mother refused to allow me to take typing/keyboarding lessons for that specific reason. She was in the Army and went to school for engineering in the 70s. She learned real quick to pretend like she couldn't type.

As for me, I took a chemistry II class at a different university one summer in college (a weird requirement of my Florida bright futures scholarship) and the course ended up being basically what we learned in Chem I at UF. I had a 100% in the class (seriously, it was all the same info) and pretty soon some jerk guys figured it out and started sitting next to me. When I wouldn't help them study or cheat off of me, they started making very rude, inappropriate comments. They would follow me out of class and move to sit next to me every day. Finally, one day I turned to them right before class started and told them, loudly, what they were doing was sexual harassment and I would report them. They stopped pretty quickly. But no one should have to put up with that--not women or men.

I actually did take typing and made a D. It was the only class where I did so poorly in high school.

It's the assumptions that drove me crazy. You're a girl so you know how to type. You're a girl so you're no good at math. And so on. Now I'm doing more of a female type job because of changes at my workplace and layoffs. Of course I would end up in that type of role.

 

[pearlieq]

I'm startled that anybody would be offended by this. The database I use at work has the name field for the male (if there is one) before the name field for the female (if there is one) - although no offence is intended, it generates documents with the man's name first. A newer application we use requires that the names be entered alphabetically and guess what?!? Sometimes the man's name is still generated first.

A couple of points:

DVC identifies him as the "Purchaser" and me as the "Additional Purchaser" even though I was their only contact for the transaction and they didn't even get his name until we were filling out sales paperwork. It's not like we're listed equally as Mr. Pearlieq and Mrs. Pearlieq. We actually have different designations and he is set up as the primary purchaser. I doubt that's just happenstance or an antiquated system.

Alphabetically, I would come first.

It's just minor, insidious institutional sexism that's everywhere, everyday.

 

[AppleDumpling]

Probably not directly, but there is a stigma associated with the idea of men enjoying spending time with kids, even though it's accepted and expected for women. I used to volunteer with kids in a couple of different capacities, and although being a dude never held me back, I definitely caught some side-eye.

I agree with you and it's unfortunate that many people still feel this way. On the other hand, it always bothers me when men (and women too) refer to a father caring for his own children as babysitting, or use the term "Mr. Mom", which I despise.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

No, not really. I seriously have never been catcalled (though my husband has). Never felt like my ideas were ignored because of my gender. Even working in something of a male-dominated career, I've never felt put down. There was a guy I talked to on the phone once for work purposes who called me "sweetheart". We all had a good laugh about him afterwards. At parties, on occasion, I've had a man (who did not know me yet) try to talk over me or something similar. They usually wise up before the end of the night after they realize it gets them set on "ignore".

But I'm also kind of weird for a woman. Many of my friends have commented that I come across as masculine in my attitude. That might have something to do with it.

 

[sailorstitch]

Does my dad telling me that I "have to wear make up because I'm a girl" count? (I was 12 at the time BTW!) And for the record, I hate wearing make up.

sailorstitch

 

[Teresa Pitman]

Yes, of course, especially when I was younger (I'm old). When I was in high school, we had "electives." I wanted to take auto mechanics or drafting and was told I could not, those were just for boys. I had to do cooking and sewing. (That's changed now, I think.) In university, I majored in chemistry and was the only girl in most of my classes. Lots of comments from the professors about that, and about how I'd probably never get a job in the field because no employer would take me seriously. I went on to study journalism which seemed more open to both.

Sexism in my experience is no longer so blatant but it continues in subtle ways. I sometimes privately take notes in meetings of how much the men talk, how the women's comments are more often ignored but a man saying the same thing is acknowledged and praised, and how the men interrupt and talk over the women. I don't think they even know they are doing it. I remember one meeting where it just happened that all the men arrived late. Before they arrived, the women were having an interesting and enthusiastic discussion with everyone participating. Once the men got there, they basically took over, interrupting the women if they tried to contribute, and gradually the women got quieter and quieter.

 

[JaneBanks]

Does my dad telling me that I "have to wear make up because I'm a girl" count? (I was 12 at the time BTW!) And for the record, I hate wearing make up.

sailorstitch

Yes it does. And so does hearing things like "You _____ like a girl". So basically you're telling whoever is doing the action that they are doing it wrong or bad because it is like a girl. Like being a girl is bad. And what does "like a girl" mean anyway?

That makes me mad every time I hear it.

 

[PollyannaMom]

It may have happened to me when I wasn't aware of it (interviewers discussing with each other before making offers, etc.) but never to the extent that I felt like it was harming my life.

I'm sure I've been called "honey" by someone I didn't know, too - but it was just as likely by an older, grandmotherly type woman as by a man. (And I don't ever remember it making me feel unsafe.)

I didn't realize it at the time, but I now know I went to a very progressive junior/senior high school. I was automatically placed in both Home Ec. and Woodshop, and never made to feel like any electives were only open to one gender.

I worry much more about my son growing up in a time when an accusation can ruin his life than I do about me not having opportunities because I'm a woman.

 

[kimblebee]

Yep, when we met the landlord for our new place I introduced myself because I had been the one communicating with him. He said and this is..indicating my husband behind me. I introduced him and the landlord stuck out his hand for my husband and said oh hi ---------, nice to meet you. Totally ignored me after that point.

 

[low-key]

yes, I been singled out on the DIS cause i am oozing testosterone ( As the great Madonna said "I was born that way")

 

[AppleDumpling]

Perhaps one of the worst examples I can remember was around 30 years ago, when I was a young woman right out of college, looking for my first professional job. During one job interview, I was asked directly if and when I planned to have children. At the end of another, I went to shake the man's hand and he actually tried to kiss me.

While I think our society has generally made a lot of progress in this area, certain attitudes still exist that affect both women and men unfairly.

 

[mnrose]

Yes. I was paid less than a male colleague who had less experience than me...in all ways...and the pay difference was significant. It was appalling.

 

[Magpie]

A couple of points:

DVC identifies him as the "Purchaser" and me as the "Additional Purchaser" even though I was their only contact for the transaction and they didn't even get his name until we were filling out sales paperwork. It's not like we're listed equally as Mr. Pearlieq and Mrs. Pearlieq. We actually have different designations and he is set up as the primary purchaser. I doubt that's just happenstance or an antiquated system.

Alphabetically, I would come first.

It's just minor, insidious institutional sexism that's everywhere, everyday.

Interestingly, though, the first time my husband booked a Disney Vacation for us, I ended up being the name on the account, even though he used his credit card and was the primary contact (we have entirely different last names). I ended up calling them and getting them to change it from my name to his.

Mainly because they kept calling him "Mr. Magpie".

(I wonder if there's an element of randomness to who gets picked as the primary on Disney accounts?)

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Gumbo, that is seriously out of line. I hope your wife slaps them, hard.

Fortunately, that's never happened in her presence - she's feisty & it would get ugly LOL. Did see 2 girls exchange tossed drinks last week over allegations of hitting on a guy...

 

[PaulaSB12]

I once went for a job interview at Leicester council, they gave me a leaflet on what would and wouldn't be asked. Questions that they claimed wouldn't be asked where do you have a boyfriend, are you planning on getting married and what are your plans for children. I got asked all of them rather funny looking back at it. That council then got sued for racism when a man applied for a job and didn't get an offer, he sent an application removing all the qualifications needed for the job and used an ethnic name instead of his own and was immediately offered the job the applicant wasnt trained to do.

 

[Mkrop]

I was told by a boss years ago that he preferred my male counterpart to me (who had just transferred to another dept) bc he had a stay at home wife, like he did, so he could stay later and do a better job bc he preferred to talk about issues at the end of the day instead of getting questions answered for our coworkers during the day.

 

[ronandannette]

I was told by a boss years ago that he preferred my male counterpart to me (who had just transferred to another dept) bc he had a stay at home wife, like he did, so he could stay later and do a better job bc he preferred to talk about issues at the end of the day instead of getting questions answered for our coworkers during the day.

Is that really sexism though or simply the life-circumstances each of you are in that affects the job? Pretty sure if you had the flexibility to be wherever the boss wanted you, when he wanted you, that point would be moot. There are some women who are able to prioritize their work above everything else, and some men who are not. It's only really a male/female thing in your case by happenstance. Now if he would have said he liked the guy better because they got together at the end of the day to drink beer and shoot the breeze about sports, with the presumption you couldn't do that because you're a woman, that would be sexist.

 

[barkley]

certainly-and probably most flagrantly at the private religiously affiliated schools my kids went to when they were younger. bake sales, holiday party planning, graduation reception planning...stuff like that always just garnered a 'mom's meeting' while anything that the administration deemed required decisiveness (planning an extended day field trip, beyond bake sale fundraising....) required a 'parent's meeting' where the environment was such that the men dominated the discussions and decision making. it happened on enough occasions wherein I made a suggestion that was pooh poohed only to have a male parent arrive late to the meeting, make the same suggestion and have it praised to the heavens and implemented that both dh and I refused to attend again.


THAT SAID-I concede I do use sexism to my advantage. I've historically experienced it within certain industries I interact with as a consumer so I figure i'll play along and use it to my advantage.

I used it at a car dealership that had been refusing for months to acknowledge numerous costly warranty repairs were needed. it took all of an hour playing into a salesperson's preconceived notions about women auto shoppers to get the documentation in hand to turn into the same dealership's service department the next day and get not only the repairs done but a top to bottom inspection of the entire vehicle (dh jokes that after that they put my photo up on the wall in the service department with a warning label-not so sure about that but the dealership did implement a chain wide policy change for their sales staff following it).

I use it when dh and I buy electronics. dh and I go shopping together for them, and if the sales staff does what they traditionally have (ignore me in one aisle while approaching dh in another)-GAME ON. a neighbor was floored to see us come home from a shopping trip intended to purchase just a new flat screen tv with not only the tv but a blu ray player and several blu ray movies (this was back when the players ran a few hundred dollars each). dh just shook his head and said 'ask the one who claims she doesn't understand this 'electronic stuff' and she'll tell you how she got that stuff for free in addition to free calibration and extended warranties for 20% lower than the best price we had already researched on the tv alone'

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I tried to squeeze my arms together really tight against my chest to get out of a speeding ticket. Apparently that doesn't work with that particular police officer, because he was having none of it, let me tell ya...

 

[Minnesota!]

Maybe? That kind of stuff doesn't bug me, so if I had, it wouldn't be a blip on my radar.

Fwiw, I am a girl, and I use the line "you ___ like a girl", a lot. There are a lot of things men are way better at. Calling them out isn't Sexist. It's honest. Just like there are many things women are better at.