foster care child came with NOTHING.:::update page 4:::: THANKS ALL!

[DevilDuckie]

how sad that even if you want to give to a foster child, it is deemed that they are unworthy of nice things.

NOBODY but you has said, "unworthy." The people who know the system are giving advice about when a lavish gift might do more harm than good. Giving a CD player to a child who will be going back to a home that cannot afford batteries or CDs will hurt more than help. This is not saying that the child is "unworthy" just that the reality of their world may make it a poor choice.

I'm seeing a lot of kindness on this thread. Sometimes generosity has to be tempered with practicality but nobody was being unkind.

 

[kat3668]

I will echo the idea of a bag that others have posted. While I wouldn't had the girl a suitcase, I would make sure that your sister had one for the girl. This way, if she's moved, she has something to put her stuff in. So many of my clients had nothing when they moved to a new home because they had no way of packing their stuff to go. By the time they could get back to the previous placement to get their stuff, it was all "lost."

This is a GREAT idea... as a former foster child one of my worst memories is packing all my posessions (few as they may have been) in trash bags to move from one place to another.. kinda does something to your self esteem. It took me a few years but one of my greatest joys was purchasing my first set of luggage. My second joy (many years later) is filling that luggage to go to my happy place. WDW!!!

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

Just wanted to add that I'm a child protective worker and this is very common. Luckily, we had a local church make up care packages for children when they come into care with travel sizes of toothpaste, deoderent, a comb, a toothbrush (you get the idea). We also had a girl scout troop do the same. It's a really nice volunteer opportunity if anyone is looking for something like that.

Also, another nice idea is to donate any new(ish) stuffed animals to a social worker in the area. I always have a bag of stuffed animals in my car so that I never place a child w/o a lovey.

 

[ceecee]

Just wanted to add that I'm a child protective worker and this is very common. Luckily, we had a local church make up care packages for children when they come into care with travel sizes of toothpaste, deoderent, a comb, a toothbrush (you get the idea). We also had a girl scout troop do the same. It's a really nice volunteer opportunity if anyone is looking for something like that.

Also, another nice idea is to donate any new(ish) stuffed animals to a social worker in the area. I always have a bag of stuffed animals in my car so that I never place a child w/o a lovey.

I love this idea! My Girl Scout troop really wanted to go to BAB (3rd x) and some think they are too old (11-12) I think it would be nice to donate these. We thought of our Children's Hospital, but they said they are over-run with animals and GS cookies! Who would I contact regarding foster kids? Children's Services?

 

[TheRatPack]

Rat pack, sounds like your living a life of RAD. Feel free to pm me and email and i will email you a bunch of GREAT RADsites. I am just waiting for the rad or ptsd to show up. Unfortunately she wouldnt be the first child here with RAD. Becky

Thanks Becky Sadly we agree with that RAD diagnosis....and while we've seen day and night improvements in the year we've had them we still have a long road to go.

 

[Momma2dakidz]

UGH, anyone who private messaged me, thank you, i got your message but can not reply.

As for the bags, No foster child who leave this home will EVER carry there belongings in a trash bag. trash goes in trash bags not our loved items. I buy nice bags on clearance and i hoard them for the kids. I had taken one teen to swim and she carried her suit and towel to the pool in a small white garbage bag. How humiliating, ever since then i vowed to always provide anyone a nice pretty bag. (i wont but myself name brand purses because i see that as 10-15 kids bags, lol)

If anyone wants to donate stuffed animals you can ask any school for the number to childrens services. (they most likely have it memorized by now) I am sure they would take gently used clothing too.

I hit the jack pot today, i got target brand maryjane crocs for fc for $2.24 and 2 pairs of summer weight sweatpants for $1.98 each! And 2 really cute bathsuits for $4.24 each.

Now if i could just find deals like that for myself!

Thanks again for all teh support and well wishes,
Becky

 

[captnJacksmommy]

UGH, anyone who private messaged me, thank you, i got your message but can not reply.

As for the bags, No foster child who leave this home will EVER carry there belongings in a trash bag. trash goes in trash bags not our loved items. I buy nice bags on clearance and i hoard them for the kids. I had taken one teen to swim and she carried her suit and towel to the pool in a small white garbage bag. How humiliating, ever since then i vowed to always provide anyone a nice pretty bag. (i wont but myself name brand purses because i see that as 10-15 kids bags, lol)

If anyone wants to donate stuffed animals you can ask any school for the number to childrens services. (they most likely have it memorized by now) I am sure they would take gently used clothing too.

I hit the jack pot today, i got target brand maryjane crocs for fc for $2.24 and 2 pairs of summer weight sweatpants for $1.98 each! And 2 really cute bathsuits for $4.24 each.

Now if i could just find deals like that for myself!

Thanks again for all teh support and well wishes,
Becky

Wow those are some great deals! I may have to check out my target her for our little russian girl.(they come here for health reasons,dr appt dentist) you are a great lady for taking such good care of her.

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

I love this idea! My Girl Scout troop really wanted to go to BAB (3rd x) and some think they are too old (11-12) I think it would be nice to donate these. We thought of our Children's Hospital, but they said they are over-run with animals and GS cookies! Who would I contact regarding foster kids? Children's Services?

Yup, just call your local child protective office and asked to speak to a supervisor. Let them know that your girl scout troop is looking for a volunteer opportunity and would like to do "_____" to help out the office. Things we typically need at the office are backpacks (for kids coming into care), packed toiletry kits (they are put into Ziplock bags), things to entertain the children while they are awaiting placement (stuffed animals, books, board games), food items or gift cards for local fast food places (sometimes kids are sitting in the lobby all day awaiting placement...if we don't have these things- SWs have to pay for them out of pocket).

Our local girl scouts also make easter baskets, buy gift cards for teens (an often overlooked group at the holidays), and this year they made "mother's day" baskets for our teen moms. Just some thoughts for you!!

 

[lizardqueen]

DH and I are foster parents. We just want to thank everyone else that does the same. We agree with the "guilty feelings" comments about what the child may go home or to another home with, but in our family, foster kids are treated the same way every child is treated in our family.

 

[The Disney Bunch]

The Build A Bears also have online games like Webkinz - she should be able to log in & access this - Even if you got Webkinz for her - there is no chance of her encountering a sexual predator in Webkinzville or the Build a bear - any interaction with any other players is so severely restricted.

Soudns like she got some good things - Good luck!

 

[sk!mom]

I am babysitting after school and we are going to build-a-bear and hobby lobby. Every kid needs a bear and blanket.

I dont know what to do about the shoes, i am afraid to let her pick them out fearing she picks something that would be appropriate in her PAST life. but then again every kid deserves to be able to pick out thier own shoes. When i have the kids with me we are very active and i insist on them having the proper gear for the activities, think i can get away with using that reasoning for buying a pair of quality shoes?

Becky

I would let her choose shoes from among approved choices. That's how I let my own pre-teen DD have more freedom of choice. If you want her to get tennis shoes then tell her that's what your shopping for and then let her choose which style, color, etc...

 

[fostrmom2mny]

You know, this post has helped to bring attention to the thousands of youth in foster care. My husband and I have been fostering since 1990.

Having their own backpack or bag is always something the kiddos really like, but yes, a lovie bear is priceless. My now 20 year old foster daughter, who was placed with us at age 9, still has letters, cards and coloring pages that she accumulated from volunteers who met her in the shelter during her three months in the shelter, before they were able to find her a placement. (Our home)

One other thing to take into consideration when you talk about over spending and splurging. (Gosh, these kids really deserve things that they may or may not have had after all the trauma they have suffered) But, we also do not want them to relate "stuff" for love. I've foster over 50 children, and guess what? All but two have either returned home, or to a relative placement. Two were adopted, and one moved on to independent living thru a transitional living situation. So what I'm saying is that if I lavish them, and provide in a manner that their family of origin is unaccustomed to, that not only sets the child up, but their families as well.

My experience has been that many times the children's parents (especially those who abuse drugs) have times where the parents are sober and feel guilty, so they will buy their children lavish type items) Then when they start using again, they will take what they bought for their child in a guilty moment, and pawn it for money to either get their next fix, or to pay bills. So the chaos sets up a cycle.

Please, if this post has touched a sensitive giving spot in your soul, do something about it. Help organize a backpack or duffle bag drive. I travel and donate my lotions, shampoo and conditioner items from the Hotels to the cause, stuffed animal drive, anything that you might considering doing for Christmas time. The only difference is that children come into foster care daily. There is allot of ways to help out. Consider being a volunteer like the Big Sisters and Big Brothers. Don't forget the teens. Your time and contributions can make a true difference in a child's life.

My husband and I look at their time with us as a chapter in there life book. I want to help make it a memorable one, and one that does more than just giving them alot of "stuff", but of teaching them hope, laughter, and values that can carry them past the time they are in our home.

 

[sarahlovesmickey]

You know, this post has helped to bring attention to the thousands of youth in foster care. My husband and I have been fostering since 1990.

Having their own backpack or bag is always something the kiddos really like, but yes, a lovie bear is priceless. My now 20 year old foster daughter, who was placed with us at age 9, still has letters, cards and coloring pages that she accumulated from volunteers who met her in the shelter during her three months in the shelter, before they were able to find her a placement. (Our home)

One other thing to take into consideration when you talk about over spending and splurging. (Gosh, these kids really deserve things that they may or may not have had after all the trauma they have suffered) But, we also do not want them to relate "stuff" for love. I've foster over 50 children, and guess what? All but two have either returned home, or to a relative placement. Two were adopted, and one moved on to independent living thru a transitional living situation. So what I'm saying is that if I lavish them, and provide in a manner that their family of origin is unaccustomed to, that not only sets the child up, but their families as well.

My experience has been that many times the children's parents (especially those who abuse drugs) have times where the parents are sober and feel guilty, so they will buy their children lavish type items) Then when they start using again, they will take what they bought for their child in a guilty moment, and pawn it for money to either get their next fix, or to pay bills. So the chaos sets up a cycle.

Please, if this post has touched a sensitive giving spot in your soul, do something about it. Help organize a backpack or duffle bag drive. I travel and donate my lotions, shampoo and conditioner items from the Hotels to the cause, stuffed animal drive, anything that you might considering doing for Christmas time. The only difference is that children come into foster care daily. There is allot of ways to help out. Consider being a volunteer like the Big Sisters and Big Brothers. Don't forget the teens. Your time and contributions can make a true difference in a child's life.

My husband and I look at their time with us as a chapter in there life book. I want to help make it a memorable one, and one that does more than just giving them alot of "stuff", but of teaching them hope, laughter, and values that can carry them past the time they are in our home.

wow, don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones or what...But, I also am a social worker and this thread is so very nice to read. Our office is always in need of bags or luggage, toiletry items for kids, clothing for kids, and we also keep bags of stuffed animals for them. Yes, they are often times sitting in our office for hours waiting for us to find them a suitable home. So, even videos are great, even if they are on VHS, because we have a tv, vcr, and DVD player available.

One of our local churches makes "bags of love" for us for kids who come into placement. They sew these big bags made of cool looking fabric, then fill them with various things. Like, a "bag of Love" for a girl 12-14 will have some makeup, hygiene items, and other things girls like at this age. Every bag of love has a sewn quilt in it and on the back in a corner, the following words are stitched: "Always remember that you are loved" The kids love getting these and the church loves making them for us. Just another example of volunteerism...

 

[SCQ86]

Have you sister check with the agency. Most agency are required to give a voucher so she can purchase some start up clothing.

 

[churchpilot]

I just figured out my children's next service project...what a wonderful thread and thank you to the many wonderful foster parents and volunteers. God bless you all.

 

[teedisney]

This thread touched me. My DH used to work with group homes so I know how the children arrive. A HS student here did a bag drive. Now I know what to do with some of our stuff that we are getting rid of for a move. Calling Social Services now.

 

[mlynn]

Ok all you awesome shoppers i need your help! My sister just got a new foster child this evening and she came with NOTHING not even a lovey. (like most fc , lovely family situation)

She is a girly girl and wears a 12 slim.

Any deals on clothes? She needs everything! she got some basics with her voucher today but i want to buy her some nice name brand stuff.

What is a good shoe to buy a 10 year old that wears a womens 6.5?

Place for cheap jacket?

And last but not least, I NEED a build a bear. (any coupons out there?) I cant imagine dealing with what she has had to deal with and not having even one stuffed animal to hug on at night.

Any other ideas? I would like to make her a "welcome home" basket. Any ideas for cheap toys? (i am hitting the thrift stores tomorow too.)

Thanks so much!
Becky

I can help with Build a bear coupon (i hope) ont he back of Teddy Graham cookies they have $5 coupon.

 

[abish19]

I'm sorry to hear that this young girl had nothing with her...but it sounds like your sister and your whole family will rally around to help her regain a sense of love and comfort in her life!

I saw a commercial that this Saturday (Aug. 23), Old Navy was having a huge denim sale - $12 for adult sizes, $7 for kids, per pair of jeans. I don't know if this is regional or not (I live in western Michigan), but it would be worth calling the store to find out.

Like a PP, I think this would make a great service project. I'm in charge of a girls' youth group (ages 12-18), and maybe we could partner with a local agency to help girls in this situation.

Good luck! Our prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[Momma2dakidz]

Wow, i totally forgot about this thread. The little girl went "home" to family realtives on July 10. It was definately heartbreaking to watch. She was litterally pried away from us. She went to an aunt she had never met before. The aunt heard that her sister was living in a group home so she went to court to get the sister not even knowing about the girl we had. When the judge asked if she wanted them both she said of course! She will be well cared for and loved. I am very glad we did get teh girl many items, being that this is a realtive placement they will get no vouchers from childrens services. (money will definately be tight for them) While she was here she was not spoiled by no means, she was treated like a child should be. she got to experience things that she had never got to do before. I hope those life experiences and love were enough to encourage her to be the best she can be.

As for vouchers.......can you totally outifit a child for 2 seasons for $115? (nope cant buy used either) That has to include all shoes, underwear, pj's, pants, t-shirts, sweaters, and church clothes.

Those bags of love sound absolutely wonderfull!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to see if we can start something like that here! Oh man those kids would love something like that! (there own blanket to treasure....sigh what a luxury for some)

Thanks again to everyone! I hope this inspires others, like it has me.

 

[Tink2000]

We just had our home study yesterday and are now waiting to become approved. We are excited about the new journey we will start soon. Wish us luck.