Forced Secret...tough times

[starsweeper]

I think that's a wonderful idea. I actually lost my mom to triple negative breast cancer last month. My mom always wanted to take her sisters and their kids' families to WDW but never got the chance. My dad and I are paying for the trip, which will happen next summer. I'm telling everyone this Sunday when I visit my aunts. I wrapped guidebooks for each family to open and can't wait to see their shock and excitement.

I think telling the kids the day before is fine but I would tell your wife sooner. I know I couldn't prepare everything in a day for a trip to WDW. I liked a pp suggestion for a small token to give her when you share the news, and possibly being prepared to give it when she is having a rough day.

Thoughts and prayers to your family!

 

[AntePrincess]

My recommendation would be to think of how you might like to tell her - a small box with some Disney jewelry inside it? A small Mickey something-or-other? Just something personal to her. Whatever it is, wrap it up and hide it somewhere. You'll know when she needs this news - and you'll be able to give her the gift when that moment comes.

That IS a brilliant idea.

 

[Mandyjg20]

I saw your post and felt the need to say Thank you. We lost our poppop (my mom's dad) in August to pancreatic cancer. He was the fire and life in our family I guess you can say and my mom has been taking it very hard, harder than the rest. She has been heehauling around wether or not to take a trip to Disney or not, (they can afford to go but the money should really be used elsewhere type of thing) Right after I read your op i called her and said that she should go, take her granddaughters (my daughter and my sister's daughter, which had been her plan) and go to our favorite place on earth. What you are doing for your family will be appreciated and believe me they are going to need it. People do not understand how devastating this type of cancer is, you really have no warning and by the time you do know exaclty what is going on, its too late. Cherish the time you have with your father in law. If you need someone to talk to im a pm away. I hope your entire family has a fantastic time at Disney, and I hope it will make them all feel a bit lighter!

 

[xipotec]

Glad i could give a little back while asking for help too!

I am thinking on 2 days of non-park time too, just to relax and enjoy the POLY ( my favorite place!)

Maybe just walk around a bit. Typically her family came over for Thanksgiving, so he will be absent this year for that holiday. Since our trip is the week before i Hope it will make it leas dreadful as that day approaches......

December is his birthday and Christmas. , so anticipating a rough time there...

 

[BarbieSmith]

I want to add that for me as a mom to two, I would think 2 weeks notice would be ideal! You are a wonderful husband and father!

 

[LovesHauntedMansion]

I think that it is awesome that you are making these plans. However, if I was only given a 1 day notice, I don't think that I would be able to go at all. I LOVE Disney, but I would stay home. It takes me 3 hours just to get ready to go out to a nice dinner! PLease give your wife at least a one week notice. Have a great vacation!

 

[SRUAlmn]

I just wanted to send a hug your way and say that (from experience) disney is a wonderful place to begin to heal. I lost my dad to cancer when I was 16. The first Christmas was looming over us, so our family decided to go to WDW for our first trip ever. I remember it being the first time I felt I could smile again. I felt like I began to heal. And now, almost 20 years later my husband and I still go every year and were even married in WDW. It is truly my happy place.

 

[robinb]

I am very sorry to hear about your FIL {{hugs}}. My mom was in a coma for many weeks after a ******* (really?!? that word was edited out? It's the name of the man who used to squeeze the Charmin ... maybe squeezing Charmin is naughty?) surgery on her pancreas.

Well, last night I just did it. I planned the trip in one night, sort of a spontaneous moment....

I am not telling the family anything, as of right now, no one will really want to hear it. So I have to keep it secret. Amidst the sadness and exhaustion, it is my shining light that, I hope will help heal and return our family to the world of life.

So , I figure to surprise them the night before we leave. I did this once before for our children, but this time I will surprise the wife, who is in a terrible place right now.

So , I share my secret with you DIS, so I have a place to be excited and try to hold on to the glimmer down the road.

I think recharging at WDW is a great idea, but I am not in the "it will be a wonderful surprise" camp when it comes to an adult. Don't you think your wife would also be able to use the trip as a glimmer of hope in her life? I think if you save it as a surprise after your FIL passes away you take that possible bit of comfort away from her.

 

[Erinmc3]

I am so, so sorry about your FIL and all that your family is going through. My aunt passed away from pancreatic cancer a few years ago and it truly is the most awful disease there is! I think that it is wonderful that you are planning this trip for your family and I love the spa idea that was already mentioned. I do agree though, that maybe while keeping the trip a surprise for your kids, that you should maybe tell your wife after her father passes instead of the day of/before the trip. It could possibly help her to do some of the planning and have something to look forward to.

 

[4xmom]

I am just seeing this and I just want to say I am so sorry for everything that your family is going through. My MIL passed away suddenly and very unexpectedly 10 days before our family reunion with my side of the family at Disney. I let DH set our pace. I think it was good for all of us to have that escape. My FIL fixed a small vial of ashes for us to have. DH ended up taking it with us. He and the kids joked a lot about getting Grammie on all the roller coasters that she would never ride.

Whatever it takes for your family to heal. You are an awesome husband and father.

 

[kimysbug]

My husband gave me a one day notice for a surprise trip. Have a magical time

 

[stargazertechie]

Book your wife a spa treatment. The first vacation after a loss, and one so close to the holidays might be extra hard on her (not that she won't have fun, just might be some teary moments). An afternoon at the spa might be a great way to give her a few hours of "me" time.

I'm going to ditto this. You're an AWESOME husband for doing this, but as someone who recently lost her dad (who LOVED Christmas) I will echo the sentiment that the first holiday season was i-n-c-r-e-d-i-b-l-y hard.

The spa recommendation is FANTASTIC, and I was also going to recommend the cake. I just did something similar- we're headed down *tomorrow* with my mom for our first trip as a family after losing dad. I worked with Maria at the Beach Club's private dining to come up with an "appropriate" cake idea. I told her the situation and the reason for the trip, and her staff came up with the theme of "Treasure the Memories". We're just doing a simple white cake with fruit mousse, but if you were willing to get a fancier ($80-$150) cake, I'm sure they could go nuts with decor.


Also, in regards to surprising her- only you know your wife best. I pulled a surprise trip off for my husband and it was AMAZING. I told him that we were going to a waterpark resort in Wisconsin (so he had reason to pack some "beach clothes" but I also packed a separate suitcase for him with all his Disney-weather clothing (we went in February).

We made it about 5 miles up the road the night before our flight when I had him stop "for snack". While he was in the c-store I put mickey ears on the driver seat and then recorded his reaction when he got back to the car. It was PRICELESS. He literally could not mentally comprehend it. He told EVERY SINGLE CAST MEMBER on our trip about the surprise (and my cell phone was passed around to so many folks) and overall it went SO well.

Then again, he enjoys surprises and can easily roll with the punches- he's a very low maintenance traveler! If your wife is a type-A color coded spreadsheets, multi-suitcase, mani/pedi/beauty primp pre-vacation type a surprise might throw her for a loop.


Something else that could be fun for the whole family would be hair cuts/pixie dust at Harmony Barber Shop. We ran out of time for our usual pre-trip salon visits, so that's what we're doing day 1 of this vacation.

 

[ConnieB]

Glad i could give a little back while asking for help too!

I am thinking on 2 days of non-park time too, just to relax and enjoy the POLY ( my favorite place!)

Maybe just walk around a bit. Typically her family came over for Thanksgiving, so he will be absent this year for that holiday. Since our trip is the week before i Hope it will make it leas dreadful as that day approaches......

December is his birthday and Christmas. , so anticipating a rough time there...

I would like to suggest that you consider changing your reservation to Thanksgiving time. If having your FIL over for TDay was tradition, then going home from Disney and having to face that empty chair at TDay meal will be crushing (been there, don't wish that on anyone). But, breaking tradition and being at a happy place for the holiday may be helpful. Or going in early December after the heartbreaking TDay....to bring her spirits up after they have fallen.......or go in December to celebrate his birthday at Disney for instance.

And I agree with the others, surprising wife should happen with a few weeks notice so she can prepare for the emotions of this as well as the practical....but then I'm not someone who could pick up and leave town with just a day or two notice......not only from a packing/planning place but from a calendar full of commitments!

 

[DakotaRose]

You're a good-hearted person, xipotec! Sending good thoughts to you and your family as you walk through these hard days.

From what I've seen, a surprise trip is less stressful and more fun for the surprise-ee if the surprise-or takes charge of pulling everything together those last days before a trip. Here's a tip for a few months down the road. Keep a list of what's done/arranged, and what's left to do, so there are no worries about what might be overlooked. We have a pre-trip checklist. Includes things like: arrange for someone to check the house/take out trash, hold mail, set lights on timers, mow lawn, water plants, call the school, call coaches/club leaders, contact work, give a relative/friend our itinerary, pay bills, clean out fridge, get laundry done, get kids haircuts, book hotel near departure airport, wash/fuel the car, turn off water to the washing machine, set furnace/AC, get cash. If your wife is employed, a call to her supervisor and to her assistant two weeks ahead of time is usually helpful at work. They can help you keep the surprise, and will avoid scheduling certain things during her vacation time.

 

[babydoll65]

Hi All!

As many of you might know, our family is currently taking care of my father-in-law, who is dying from pancreatic cancer. He is in his last weeks now, and the previous 3 months have been incredibly stressful and sad.

I had been planning to return to WDW this November, but time got away form me, and I literally forgot to plan. (That should show you how bad things are!!)

Well, last night I just did it. I planned the trip in one night, sort of a spontaneous moment....

I am not telling the family anything, as of right now, no one will really want to hear it. So I have to keep it secret. Amidst the sadness and exhaustion, it is my shining light that, I hope will help heal and return our family to the world of life.

So , I figure to surprise them the night before we leave. I did this once before for our children, but this time I will surprise the wife, who is in a terrible place right now.

So , I share my secret with you DIS, so I have a place to be excited and try to hold on to the glimmer down the road.

I hope a few of you might have some suggestions on things I might plan to make this trip extra special. I have been trying my best to make ressies at a few restaurants we like, the only one I cannot seem to get is BOG, (no surprise there).

Anything I might do to make this one unforgettable?

Here's the details so far.
POLY NOVEMBER 11-17.

I only have a few days planned that week.
MK= Veterans day 11th and the 13th (nightmare on Vets day at MK??)
HS the 9th (the following are because F&W is at Epcot this weekend)
Ak the 10th
EP = 12th

I have no idea which park to visit the other days...

Need further suggestions or changes to this schedule, as my usual DIS brain is not functioning.....what am I forgetting?

xipo

Thanks you guys, DIS has always been the best....

I'm so sorry about your fatherinlaw . But what I think what your doing for your family is wonderful. I'm going the same dates as you are and I know that mk on veterans day is low on the crowd calendar due to food and wine will still be going on in epcot and emh going on in the other parks. Hours of mk that day is 9-7 due to the mvmcp that night. As far as low crowds the rest of the week I'll tell you my schedule is 11/11 mk- 11/12 ak (emh am)- 11/13 ep -11/14 hs -11/15 mk till 7pm then epcot till 11pm(emh) 11/16 ep till 12:30 adr at whispering cannon cafe at 2pm then mk till 9pm. We are arriving on the 10th but even though mk shows as a 9 on the crowd calendar we have to get a ress for the dessert party that night for my mom's 70th birthday. My sister will be in disney world the week before me so we're surprising my mother with the dessert party. For now, it shows hs only open till 4pm on the 14th but I haven't seen the schedule for the osborne lights yet and I know the will be running that week. Made adrs at trails end Buffett for the 11th at 6:20 pm since mk closes early. We're just going to take the boat over to the campground so that by the time we are done eating we can catch the bus back to the resort from mk without all the crowds. 11/12 grand Floridian cafe, 11/13 via napoli, 11/14 rose and crown pub, 11/15 kona cafe, 11/16 whispering cannon cafe. I based my schedule completely on the crowd calendar so all my dates are parks with the lowest crowds that day. Except for our last day, we always split that day between both our favorite parks (ep and mk) we always do dtd on the day we go to hs only because we don't usually spend that much time there and this way we get all our souvenir shopping done. Hope you have a great trip and God Bless.

 

[White Rose]

I am so sorry you and your family are dealing with such a sadness and tragedy. You are a good Husband and Father for being so strong during such a time of grief. My thoughts are with you and your family.

My husband and I are going to WDW for our 10th anniversary. During our first ten years, we bought a house, both lost our jobs (I was laid off a week after we moved into our new home), both found new jobs, and dealt with the loss of his father (suddenly) and my mother (long illness), had Huricane Sandy rip through our neighborhood...you get the idea.

My Hubby is my hero, and has been wonderful through all the ups and downs. I am going to have a medal presented to him during one of our meals. The WDW Florist will deliver to restaurants.

http://www.disneyflorist.com/product/disneyfloralandgifts-honoryourhero1/display

It is a momento that can be cherished.

I wish you and your family well and you have my condolences.

 

[midgetpepper]

I'm so sorry for your sadness. My 8 year old son just lost his battle with brain cancer last month. I planned a trip for my DD and I later this year to help with our loss. I think you're such an awesome dad/husband for doing this!

 

[ssatterly]

Hope all is well with you and your family

 

[pmaurer74]

I'm so sorry for your sadness. My 8 year old son just lost his battle with brain cancer last month. I planned a trip for my DD and I later this year to help with our loss. I think you're such an awesome dad/husband for doing this!

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[ryalluvdiz]

So sorry for this sad time...my mom passed unexpectedly two months ago and we just returned from a two week trip that was planned over a year ago... I know the trip helped me feel some happiness again and I hope it brings the same to your family.