? for moms of 4 or more

[crazymomof4]

Originally posted by jjjbennett
I'm a mom of 4 ages 15,11,7,1 and I am trying to talk DH into one last one since there is such an age difference between #3 and #4. Believe me the thought of not going to Disney would never keep me from having another child. To me a disney vacation is icing on the cake of life but the kids are the real meat and potatoes of what makes us a family. We have almost alway taken a nice vacation and the addition of that 4th child did not change a thing about vacationing. I bargain hunt like crazy and while I'm a SAHM I look for opportunities to creatively supplement our income. When I sit around my table and listen to all 4 of my kids talking at once I feel both overwhelmed LOL and incredibly wealthy.

WOW! Your post gave me chills and put tears in my eyes! So well put. I feel exactly the same way esp. the part about sitting around the table.
BTW- We're neighbors! I'm a lifelong Palmyra resident.

 

[Belle5]

Just about to have my 6th son here in a few weeks. (Never thought we'd have so many but I wouldn't trade my sweet boys for all the vacations in the world!) In May we took our 17th family trip to WDW. My oldest is 16 3/4, then a 15, a 13, an almost 11 and almost 6. My kids are so into our WDW vacations they want me to scrimp, save and cut corners so we can go back. It's like a family mission that really unites our family! If you are creative you can find ways to have more kids without it costing much more than those who raise fewer kids. I am living proof of this. My kids save all their birthday and Christmas money for WDW. You can ask for Disney Dollars for family gifts. You can rent timeshares instead of hotels. You may never stay at concierge at the GF but you will have extra years of seeing those happy smiles that WDW brings to our loved ones faces. It's not for everyone to have a bunch of kiddos--only you and your DH can decide if you are a family that's open to nurturing more precious children. (And willing to raise them in a way that they make the world a much better place.)

 

[4greatboys]

Belle5--Congrats on your baby boy thats joining your family. That is awesome you have 6 boys. Im quite happy with all of mine. People seem to think Im missing out because I dont have any girls but Im very happy with just boys. Now if we had a girl we'd be thrilled to death. If we had another boy we'd be thrilled to death. Its a win win situation. Although I dont think we are having more I never say never.

ScrappinMickey--check your pm's!

 

[momtotwinglesx4]

There's a saying that sums this up perfectly: "Where there's a will, there's a way!"

I have 5 children; ages 15, 6, 6,(twins), 3 and 11 mos. For 8.5 years, my oldest dd was an only child. I worked full time as well as my husband. We rented an older house. We went to WDW ONCE, when dd was 5. Booked some pricey package thru a travel agent and had no clue about anything Disney. Thought only the wealthy could afford frequent trips to WDW. Of course, there was no internet then to educate me

Now, I'm a SAHM to 5 kids, we own a new home, and have been to wdw twice in the past year and a half. Planning another trip in Dec/Jan for 3 weeks!

So, did we win the lottery? Nope. Did DH get promoted to some CEO postion? No, still the same auto mechanic job for the past 28 years. What happened was that I desperately wanted to be able to stay home with my children, so I read every book on saving money that I could find. "The Complete Tightwad Gazette" by Amy Dacyczyn changed my life. I stopped wasting money on stupid little things that we really didn't need, and it's amazing how little it costs to take care of true necessities. I would HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone looking to be able to stay home with their kids.

The really amazing thing is, once I quit working outside the home, I had so much more time to do other money-saving things like shopping sales, cooking from scratch, hitting yard sales, selling on eBay. So the savings have just snow-balled.

Now, we're definitely not rich and never will be. But we have found that by spending the money we do have selectively, we can enjoy some of the finer things in life. For us, that means trips to WDW instead of expensive clothes, expensive cars, expensive "convenience" foods, etc. It boils down to setting priorites and setting goals and doing what you have to do to get there!

By the way, I LOVE having a large family and each of my children have added to the joy in my life immensely. I feel sorry for people with only one or two children sometimes, but to each her own! Don't let anyone try to make you feel guilty for wanting another precious child.

Sue

 

[jjjbennett]

momtotwinglesx4

I loved your comment about feeling sorry for people who only have 1 or 2 kids. I get the same feeling all the time, having my 4 kids and all the love,noise and confusion that comes with them makes me feel like the richest, most blessed person. It's like a Disney parade goes through my living room daily.
I was thinking that I have had several friends tell me they wish they had one more kid but they did not think they could afford it or had the energy and they regret it now. However I cannot remember any person with a large family telling me that they wished they did not have more than one or two children.

 

[crazymomof4]

Originally posted by momtotwinglesx4
There's a saying that sums this up perfectly: "Where there's a will, there's a way!"

I desperately wanted to be able to stay home with my children, so I read every book on saving money that I could find. "The Complete Tightwad Gazette" by Amy Dacyczyn changed my life. I stopped wasting money on stupid little things that we really didn't need, and it's amazing how little it costs to take care of true necessities. I would HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone looking to be able to stay home with their kids.

The really amazing thing is, once I quit working outside the home, I had so much more time to do other money-saving things like shopping sales, cooking from scratch, hitting yard sales, selling on eBay. So the savings have just snow-balled.

Now, we're definitely not rich and never will be. But we have found that by spending the money we do have selectively, we (can enjoy some of the finer things in life. For us, that means trips to WDW instead of expensive clothes, expensive cars, expensive "convenience" foods, etc. It boils down to setting priorites and setting goals and doing what you have to do to get there! Sue

I SO agree with your (and other posters, too) "penny saved is a penny earned" philosophy! I'm a SAHM too and use this to our advantage by "earning" $$ w/ the time I have here at home. For ex. I'm the only woman I know who packs her husband's lunch for work. It adds up! I feed our family of 6 for an avg. of $85/wk. and our house is always WELL STOCKED with all kinds of food. I do this by using the sale flyer along w/ clipped coupons. I know families with only 2 kids who spend $200/wk on groceries! They just toss items into the cart w/o any thought to it. But then, they don't need to save, like I do, I guess. Just the time I've put in here on the boards has saved me a great deal of $$ for our upcoming trip. People not as penny-wise go to WDW completely uninformed and spend a lot more but don't have any more fun for it. (Then they complain that Disney is expensive.)
Selective spending (my euphemism for being a cheapo) to me, means always having enough to have the things you really want by cutting out spending on frivolous things that you really don't need.
Definately, "where there's a will there's a way"! And when you are doing it for your kids sake, the "will" is a given.
PS-I'm getting the "Gazette" from our library!

CONGRATS BELLE5 ON YOUR NEW ADDITION! One thing I can say about boys.....they LOVE their Mammas!

 

[Belle5]

Thanks Crazymomof4 and 4greatboys for the good wishes! Crazymomof4--Even I'm impressed by your food budget! Good going!! If I could stay out of our Whole Foods Market (I try to buy meats with no nitrites, etc.) I would do a lot better. Following the ads and planning meals around what's on sale really is the way to go! Clothing--because we have so many boys people hear about us and send hand me downs to us through mutual friends or whatever. I end up spending a fortune on Scout items like waterproof hiking boots or raingear but for every day clothing my kids always look great wearing cast offs (Gap and American Eagle for ex.) from other people. (Yes, I still have to supplement-- but hand me downs are even cheaper than Goodwill.) I couldn't agree more with the "Where there's a will there's a way" philosophy.

 

[Marinerbaby]

I'm not a mom of 4 just three but I noticed you were in BC Canada. We are in Washington State and found some wonderful deals through Alaska airlines on their new direct flight from Seattle to Orlando. It was $99.00 each way.

 

[house_of_princesses]

Alaska airlines on their new direct flight from Seattle to Orlando. It was $99.00 each way.

What a great deal!! I can't get from Chicago to Texas for less than $320 RT!!

 

[MrsPete]

I came from a family of five children, so I can comment on this from the child's point of view. We NEVER went anywhere (except camping) because it was too expensive, too much trouble, etc. My mom was the master of all things frugal (seriously, she made Amy Daczyn look like Ivana Trump), yet we often had to wait for things like shoes and eyeglasses -- things we really needed. ALL our clothes came from yard sales and Goodwill; this was in the extravagant 80s -- not the grunge era. I'm not whining about lack of dance lessons, prom dresses, etc. -- I'm saying that we were raised in poverty because my parents chose to have more children than they could afford.

We lived out on a farm and were moderately happy most of the time at home, but I decided that this is not the way I wanted to live my adult life, and it's not the way I wanted to raise my own children. As a result, I have only two girls. Do I have regrets about having a small family? Occasionally I'll think, "I wish I'd had a boy." or "I probably won't have a large number of grandchildren." However, these moments are passing thoughts, not really regrets. I think about these things in the same way I wonder what it would have been like if I'd chosen a different major in college, or where we'd be now if my husband had accepted that other job five years ago.

Money seems to be the first "problem" with a large family. Time is the other one -- even though it seems to be overlooked. Since I have only two children, I can attend all their school functions. I know all of their friends. I have time to be their scout leader. I have time to read to each of them every day, to teach them to sew, etc. I have time to do many things for my girls DAILY that my mom did for us only occasionally. These were things that I wanted from my parents -- but they couldn't give them to me because there were four others waiting too.

Incidentally, for reasons very similar to my own, my sister has chosen to have only one child. My three brothers have all decided to have none. My parents worked and worried themselves sick to raise their five children, often saying, "We'll have time and money to enjoy our grandchildren." They will only have three.

What does this have to do with the post? Nothing much, I guess. I'm just rambling. I guess this is my moral: at some point all the budget stretching, vegetable growing, brown bagging, and yard saling in the world isn't going to work, and I believe your first responsibility is to the children you already have. Obviously, you know your own situation best. I have not addressed the issue of Disney trips here -- there are much more important issues at hand!

 

[Angel717]

Wow MrsPete, I thought the OP was only asking how families with more than 2 kids afford Disney, not a list of negatives about large families! I'm a little curious why would you think that your situation growing up would be the same in ALL large families? It isn't and I can say that because I grew up with 5 siblings and still decided to have a big family!

 

[4greatboys]

Sorry you had a rough time of it MrsPete. We are not rich in the monitary sense in any way but we dont have it as rough as you did growing up it seems.
My 2 oldest ds play football at school. Oldest ds plays the guitar, I pay for his lessons. No one can wear oldest ds hand me downs because he has been over 6 foot since 14. He wears a size 14 shoe so they dont get handed down either, lol. The little ones are close in age so my 1 yr old does wear some hand me downs of the 3 yr old but has new clothes as well. We try not to ever run a balance on a credit card. Our house is a tab smaller than we would like. We may get a new one or add on here. Not sure yet. We take the boys on vacation. Sometime just to San Antonio for a few days and sometimes to WDW.
They dont get everything they want but then again no kid should get everything.
Along the lines of why you only had 2 is why I had more. I was an only child and never liked it. My dad died when I was 7, my mom never had a lot of money and worked lot of overtime. My grandparents lived next door so I was not alone but I would have loved to have had some siblings.

 

[crazymomof4]

MrsPete ~ I, too, am sorry that you do not look back on all of your childhood with fond memories. I cannot help but wonder if all of the things you see as negative would have been solved by just subtracting a few children and therby adding some more $$ to go around. When it comes to how children (no matter what the number) are treated in a family, I feel much of it has to do with the type of person the parent is, and whether or not they are self-sacrificing enough to go the extra mile. The degree of dedication to mothering (or fathering) is the determining factor. When I was considering adding a third child, I was concerned w/ how it would affect my other 2. I vowed that this child would have as much of me as the other two had. I found it easy to stretch our budget and bc. of this he (#3) has more clothes and toys than the first 2 bc. he has their hand-me-downs PLUS his own new stuff. Stretching time is a bit more difficult to explain, but trust me on this one. Some how you find ways of budgeting your time just like you do money. One way I can explain it is this: Remember how before you became a mom it would take you maybe 45 minutes to get ready to go out somewhere, longer if it was a wedding or something? That was me too. With each kid it got shorter and now I can do my hair and make up in about 10 mins. total and like my husband said, "You don't look any different." With a larger than avg. size family you find ways of cutting out the "fluff" things in your life that take time away from what's important. But only a person who is determined to give of themselves and their time to their children and sets this as a priority will do this. With all of the distractions in this world, a mom of only one or two children could fill up her days and spend less time with her children than a dedicated mom of 4 or 5. I've put my career on "hold" bc. I decided that, for as long as they need me, my kids kids will be my "career".
So how do I measure up to my friends, family and neighbors who have 1-2 kids? Well, there are several examples I can site. I, too, attend all school functions and my involvement in my children's schoolwork is very evident compared to that of most their classmates when on display on "project night". I homeschool my oldest and others have commented, "I'm not for homeschooling but if anyone can do it properly, I know you can." All of my kid's baby books is completly filled out. I always felt sorry for my brother bc. even though it was just the two of us, my baby book was filled out and his had very sparse entries. My mom told me it was bc. I was the firstborn. I swore I would do it for all of my kids no matter what. Several friends who have two kids are amazed by this bc, their kids are half grown and they have not yet even put down the info from their births!
OK now I'm rambling. My point is, as posted earlier, "Where there is a will there is a way" and this applies to both time and money.

 

[laceemouse]

MrsPete, I see your point and understand where you are coming from! My BIL is the oldest of 9 and there was never enough of ANYTHING...food, room, time with parents, etc,etc... He and my sister stopped after 2 and gave them the world!!! Every person/couple has to decide for themselves, and the way they grew up has a lot to do with their decision. MOST of the people I know from large families choose NOT to have lots of kids!!! We have 4 and can afford 4 with not too much scrimping, but I would hate to have to say NO to everything my kids wanted! We enjoy music lessons, dancing, and the like.

 

[toolady1]

WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE TO BE SO NEGATIVE. I AM THE OLDEST OF 6 MY PARENTS DIVORCED,WE DIDN;T HAVE ALL THE LUXURIES IN LIFE,WE HAD WHAT WAS IMPORTANT .LOVE ,THE GOOD LORD,EACH OTHER,AND PLENTY OF PEOPLE AROUND TO GIVE MORAL SUPPORT,LISTEN,WATCH OUR SOFTBALL GAMES,FOOTBALL GAMES,YOU NAME IT.WE ALWAYS HAD FOOD ON THE TABLE. IT IS NOT ABOUT ALL THE TIME SPENT WITH YOUR CHILDREN IT'S ABOUT QUALITY,SO SOME PEOPLE CHOOSE TO SAVE,BUDGET OR DO WITHOUT TO GO TO DISNEY.THIS IS NOT A BAD THING,IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD LESSON FOR CHILDREN THEY LEARN VALUES,THEY LEARN THE VALUE OF A DOLLAR.I AM A MOM OF 5 YES WE HAVE HAND ME DOWNS,WE EAT AT HOME,WE DON'T ALWAYS WEAR DESIGNER CLOTHES,WE SHOP WISELY AND BUDGET OURSELVES,SO DOES THIS MEAN I LOVE MY KIDS ANY LESS THAN SOME ONE WHO HAS ALOT OF MONEY.LOVE, AND RESPECT AND SELF ESTEEM IS WHAT MAKES A PERSON. I PERSONALLY DO NOT REGRET MY DECISION TO HAVE CHILDREN AND I DON;T BLAME MY PARENTS FOR MY NOT HAVING DESIGNER JEANS OR ANYTHING ELSE, I THANK THEM FOR THE SELF ESTEEM,LOVE AND RESPECT I FEEL FOR MYSELF.THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS WORLD I CAN NOT DO...........................TO ALL OF US WE MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS ON HOW BIG OUR FAMILY GETS NO ONE ELSE...........SO ENJOY YOUR LIFE AND CONGRADULATIONS TO EACH AND EVERYONE WHO DECIDES TO HAVE A GREAT BIG FAMILY.

 

[Lesley]

You know, it is a rather funny observation that many from large families choose to have small families....and many from small families choose to have larger ones.....but there are the contradictions and it all works out in the end. Family size is an incredibly personal thing....and not always so much a "choice"! LOL

Okay, so I'm the one who was convinced (finally) that our family of 4 was plenty big...I have a ds and a dd and things are good. For some reason, when I was younger I always wanted 3 kids...no idea why...maybe its the only child thing (though I have 4 half brothers I've never had to live with them...and they're much younger than me). I have often felt overwhelmed by having my 2 kiddos...which made me come to the conclusion that our family was complete. Until 2 weeks ago when I discovered that I'm pregnant again! Talk about running the gamut of emotions!

Disney trips were one of our first considerations....they are a priority to us. We thanked our lucky stars that we don't have to fly to WDW, that we're DVC members, and that at least we get 3 years' free admission for the baby (dd just turned 3 this year and we'll be buying her first park pass this Saturday...ouch!) The rest we'll work out...hopefully we'll be able to add more DVC points..but if not we may have to go a little less often and use our points more creatively. Once we have to get a 2br villa, we can invite my parents or kids' friends along with us whenever we go.... What I'm saying is that there are considerations...but when a surprise comes along you just deal with them. And there are plus sides to everything when you look for them! We're thankful we already own a minivan!

I know I'm not a mom of 4 or more....and I don't think I'm cut out for that...bless those of you who are! We're going to do everything in our power to be sure this baby is our last. But that's just our decision....its much more a personal what can I handle decision than a financial one. Like others have said "where there's a will, there's a way"....

Thanks so much to the mom's of large families for sharing your stories....guess its time to learn to love chaos and nonstop action....or to find my place of peace within it! I'm looking forward to having this baby....but I'm also a bit scared of how I'll manage! Your stories are very inspiring....I know there will be rewards to adding another family member.

 

[momof3disneyholics]

I know exactly what you mean. I have a 6 six old boy, 3 year old twins that are boy, girl, and I too, just found out we are going to have number 4! This wasn't planned and I am very scared at the moment, but exited also. This means we have to move up from Mom's Explorer to the minivan, but then again, we have been talking about getting one for years! I work because I want to, and because it helps supplement our income and I am able to give them extras like the Disney vacation we take twice a year. Now, we are no way rich by monetary standards. My husband is in the army, one of the most underpaid jobs in the world, but we have always made it and I am sure we'll do fine with another one with careful planning and budgeting. My work schedule is such that I only work 4 days a week in the evening, and my husband has them when I'm not working so there is never that terrible cost of daycare. We wouldn't trade our 3 for absolutely nothing, and I'm sure that the 4th is going to add nothing but joy to our lives. We live in a 3 bedroom house, but we have made our garage into a playroom so they really only sleep in their bedrooms. Our biggest challenge is going to be when we move to Kissimmee in a year and a half. Oh, but let me tell you we are soooooooo excited about that. We have been working on moving there for 5 years!
I think with careful budgeting and alot of planning you can take Disney vacations with alot of children and without alot of income. I know we have for years. I know also that I wouldn't trade anything for moments like the other day when my oldest was teaching the little ones how to play Candyland and they were all just having a good time together. You're never bored when you have lots of best friends right in the house with you!

 

[crazymomof4]

momof3disneyholics (you're going to have to change that soon!)
and Lesley~~~
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Gosh, can I relate to what you're feeling right now.....3 of my kids where not planned (3rd was planned and it took 18 mos. to get preg., go figure? )

Anyway, it's a shock to find out that you are pregnant w/o having planned it. I cried, could hardly eat and was really nervous. To me, it felt like my emotions were the little white particles in a snow globe that someone just shook up. But eventually all those particles settle down and you have a beautiful scene. Remember you can blame some of your unsettled feelings on hormones.....it's not a cop-out, it's a physiological fact.........they make you nuts! Right now you can't picture yourself with another child and you may even get frantic when the kids you already have act up and you think, "what am I going to do with ANOTHER one??" Just remember that you have a couple of months and you can use that time to hash things around in your head. While preg. (esp. w/ #4--the biggest shock) I came up with some good ideas on how I would do this or that, basically how I could adjust my life to the new addition. I know it's a cliche, but really, "It all works out in the end." Once that baby is in your house you will say what my DH and I say to each other, "What would we have ever done w/o {the new addition} in our family?!?!"

Funny, you both mentioned the automobile situation. Even before I did the preg. test for #4, I was worried about that, too. Because we already had 3 sons who look like they will be broad-shouldered like their father we chose a used Suburban (aka: "The Bus"). Lots of room! We LOVE it and are looking forward to taking our first trip to Florida in it in Sept.

BTW- I felt guilty too bc. I found that my stress over the unplanned preg. was keeping me from getting excited about the baby coming. This sounds silly but it helped me get more excited: I watched a show called, "A Baby Story" on the Learning Channel. Just watching the women at the end of their pregnancies, the birth and then holding the precious newborns got me "into" being pregnant. Soon, instead of saying to myself, "Ugh, I'm gonna have to do this all over again!", I was saying, "I'm so glad I'm going to get to do that again!"

 

[momof3disneyholics]

Gosh, you explained it perfectly! I have been so nervous and an emotional reck lately about it all, but I am the ultimate optimist, and I always try to look at the good side of things. It was a HUGE change when we went from one kid to three when I had twins. I know if I could handle that I can handle this. We are going to Disney in November when I will be around 4 months preg. so I am a little worried about how my stamina will be. We always go in the spring and fall, but since the baby will be so new in the spring next year, I'm sure we'll skip it next spring, but keep our fall trip as scheduled. We'll probably do a weekend trip though so that the kids won't feel like they missed out on their vacation. I know I'll keep working after I have the baby, not only because I truly enjoy my job, but it pays well, and I see so many benefits to me working. I hate it when I read articles that are written about working moms are selfish, etc. I feel like I am the furthest thing from being selfish. I work for my family. So that when I'm not working we can do things and enjoy life, and I don't have to worry about money as much.
I am glad we will be moving in a year and a half so we will be able to get a bigger house.
Thank you so much for what you said, it is nice to know other people are just like you!

 

[momof3disneyholics]

I love watching A baby story! That has gotten me excited about it all too!